Poll: What story should I work on? Vote Now!
Author has written 12 stories for Naruto, Tactics, Ouran High School Host Club, Prince of Tennis, Harry Potter, and Katekyo Hitman Reborn!.
ATTENTION! MY STORY KHR FACEBOOK GOT DELETED DUE TO THE CRITICS UNION AND THE STUPID "NO CHAT/SCRIPT FORMAT" RULE. PLEASE SIGN MY PETITION ON CHANGE . ORG TO CHANGE THIS RULE.
Claiming a Strawberry: AU. Ichigo an orphan suffering from ammesia is brought into the world of the supernatural by five forgotten childhood friends who are not human. These five beings are trying to reclaim Ichigo's lost memories. Who shall claim the strawberry? IchigoXAlot of guys.
Dark Love: Hitsugaya, a Carparthian, has no hope of finding his lifemate. Enter Ichigo, a stubborn teen who has a habit of getting into trouble.
Unlikely Couple: Shuichi has left after a fight with Yuki though that is not the reason. What is the real reason for his leaving? How much does Hiro know? Bleach crossover. HitsuShu
Zero: Shuichi is not who he says he is. What will Yuki do when he finds out? Loveless crossover. Couple Undecided.
Dreams May Lead to True Love: Roxas is having dreams of a certain redhead. Somewhere else said redhead is waiting for his reincarnated lover. AxelRoxas
Intertwined Pasts: Axel: a rebel born into slavery. Roxas: a cold, ruthless lord with a secret past. These two are connected by an unspoken and almost forgotten past. What will happen when Axel becomes Roxas's new slave? Where he accept his new master or will he lash out like he does with all his other masters. AxelRoxas.
Prince of Tennis-
A Deadly Game: There is a new video game that has everyone going crazy and killing everyone that plays it. What will happen when some certain tennis playes get involved? What will Ryoma do when he is forced to play it. Couples undecided.
A Prince's Deadly Secret: AUish. Ryoma is hiding something that will change Seigaku, Atobe, Yukimaru, and Sanada forever. What does this have to do with the Blade Children? What will Ryoma do to protect everyone? OT6. Spiral: Bonds of Reasoning crossover.
A Prince of a Different Kind: AUish. Ryoma isn't who everybody thinks he is. What will happen when only certain people can remember him? What will they do to save the beloved bratty Prince. Couples are undecided.
An Immortal Love: Sequel to Hidden Ouji-sama. Due to events out of their control, Ryoma and Atobe have changed. Will their love be able to stand the changes or will it crumble?
Cursed Love: AU. Ryoma moves into a mansion that he inherited. Inside he meets a few demons. OT6
Innocent Heart of a Prince Forgotten- A prince trapped in an abandon castle is found by a group of travelers. What awaits them?
Liber Temporum- Ryoma receives a book that transports him to various time periods. Where he stays depends on who he falls for.
Mystic Love- Ryoma and seven others are transported to Heian-era Japan. They are thrown into a world of legends where death awaits them. Will they survive?
Nameless: AUish. There is another zero unit which is unknown to all but Nagisa and Ritsu. Where does Ryoma come into this? Who is Haruka Kurotsuki? Couples Undecided. Loveless crossover
Memories Lost: Ryoma has disappeared from the face of the planet. His parents are dead and no one knows what had happen. What is the secret Ryoma is keeping? Couples undecided.
Prince of Fea: Ryoma has the Sight. On the eve of his sixteenth birthday, he faces a destiny that threatens to rip him apart and take away his mortality. How will he escape if there is no way to? What does Seigaku and Atobe have to do with this? Couples undecided.
Prince of Thorn: AUish. King of Thorn crossover. Ryoma is chose to go into a cold capsule. He and a few others have been awoken. One by one the are dying. Will Ryoma find the truth about Medusa? Will he even live and keep his sanity? Couples undecided.
Stranded: AUish. Ryoma and Momo become stranded in the middle of no where. Upon entering a deserted mansion Ryoma meets the vampire Fuji. Who shall get the prince? Momo or Fuji? slight MomoRyo and FujiRyo
Name: Shinku Tsukihime or Tsuki-chan!
Age: I will never tell you
Gender: Girl, do i need to say it.
Looks: Brown hair, brown eyes, and pale skin.
Hates: Bashers, homophobes, Twilight
Likes: Anime, Books, Money, Sweets, Yaoi, Romance, and Music.
Hobbies: Writing, Reading, Art (Art's a bang XD), watching anime, and listening to music.
Favorite Fashions: Punk, Emo, Gothic, Lolita, Rocker, and School girl.
Fave Anime: Sailor Moon, CardCapter Sakura, Tactics, Twelve Kingdoms, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Pretear, Ouran High School Host Club, Ghost Hunt, xxxHolic, Black Cat, Death Note, Harukanaru Toki no Naka De, Axis Powers Hetalia, Loveless, Buso Renkin, InuYasha, and Otogi Zoshi.
Fave Movies: Phantom of the Opera, Dracula, Pan's Labyrinth, Labyrinth, Sweeney Todd, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, Death Note, Spirited Away, Laputa, Princess Monoke, Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, Kiki's Delivery Service, Shinobi, Queen of the Damn, Interview of a Vampire, Final Fantasy Advent Children, and Van Helsing.
Fave TV Shows: Big Bang Theory, Warehouse 13, Haven, Charmed, Buffy, Bones, Websoup, Vampires Diaries, and Supernatural.
Fave Bands: Evanessence, Within Temptation, Breaking Benjamin, Nightwish, Paramore, Flyleaf, Icon for Hire, Rise Against, Halestorm, 30 Seconds to Mars, 3 Doors Down, and Three Days Grace.
Fave Types of Music: Anything as long as it is not crappy or annoying, though its mostly rock/metal.
Fave Songs: Too many to list.
I have to agree with FluffleNeCharka with this:
"You may have noticed that while most people have a list of pairings that they like and dislike, I've removed that from my profile recently. It isn't that I'm not proud of my preferences or afraid of the big bad flamers. It's that all of you are taking fanfic way too seriously. Why are you all screaming, hurling profanity and making death threats at each other over this?
At the end of the day these are fictional characters. Which fictional characters would make a good couple is not that important. It really isn't. If you were proven right by canon or word-of-the-creators it really wouldn't matter. It wouldn't improve your life any. It wouldn't help any of your real-life problems resolve themselves, nor would it justify the sheer amount of time you would still have spent on a fictional universe. At the end of the day this is all just semi-illegal fiction based on fiction, and a lot of people have lost sight of that.
Fanfic is not that important. Fiction is not that important. Those cruel and vicious words coming out of your mouth are directed at another human being, you know. Is it worth it to ruin the day of a real flesh and blood person? You're not talking about a real thing, you're talking about fiction. No piece of fiction should be so important to you that you'll hurt, berate and shun real human beings. That person may disagree with you on one thing, but they're very similar to you. They like to read, they like romance, they like writing, they even like the same show as you do. Why would you be rude and condescending to someone who is so similar to you? Logically you should be friends."
And so I am joining Team Switzerland Multi-Fandom Pledge, which has since been changed by countless people to a hundred odd variations in support of fandom:
I hereby pledge that I shall not say any pairing is wrong, digusting, or stupid. I will not start flame wars over FICTIONAL characters who are in no way real no matter how much one may wish. I will not force my opinon of pairings onto others. I will be openminded to all pairings no matter who or what it is. I will not flame someone for writing yaoi/yuri/het/slash/femslash pairings. I will not flame when someone genderbends a character no matter how weird/disturbing it may be. I will not flame mpregs no matter what. In my writing I will tell people of the main pairing for the story and I will NOT respond to flamers. I will not encourage flamers or flame wars. I will be aware that different people like different pairings and that in the end it is none of my business and thus I will leave the authors alone. I will be aware that there is no reason to get worked up over some pairing when there are things going on in the world that are far more important then some story. I will not say anything about a story unless in is true construtive criticism/help or praise. If I ever find myself to be in a position of power on a fanfiction site then I will enforce a strict anti-flames, anti-flamer, and anti-flame wars police to the best of my abilities.
There is a reason as to why this is called FAN fiction. People are here to write about their favorite pairings and their favorite characters. If you don't like then don't read it. It is not our right nor is it our business to criticize them.
P.S. This is my own version of the pledge. If you want to use then so be it.
I am one of the "98%" who has tried pot. If you are one of the '2%' who hasn't, then someone is lying; because there is no way in Hades that half of the writers on fanfiction.net is that '2%'. You guys might want to rethink that. I thank FluffleNeCharka for reminding me of this. If you agree with me then copy and paste this on your profile.
If you know for a fact that ALL authors who have the '98 percent of teens do drugs' statistic are liars, copy and paste this into your profile.
On top of that... If your know for a fact that the '95 percent of people are concerned about fitting in' thing is fake, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy this into your profile. (they did in the 80's)
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this!
If you are aware that so many people nowadays pretend to be someone they're not, copy this on your profile.
If you cannot stand child abuse, please copy and paste this into your profile!
If you have EVER yelled at a TV after getting frustrated at someone who can't hear you, put this on your profile.
If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says if you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.
I don't own this, i found it on another profile, i thought it was hilarious>>>
Notes To Self...Of DOOM!
1. Do not introduce yourself as role-playing character in public.
2. Do not talk to fictional characters in public.
3. Do not answer fictional characters in public.
4. Do not talk to inanimate objects in public.
5. Do not go out in public.
6. Disregard last number. Do number 1-4.
7. Note Expressions.
8. Don't die alone. Take many people with you.
9. Floor is slippery when wet.
10. Lake is slippery when dry.
11. Only talk to strangers you know.
12. Strangers you don't know are spies...kill them all.
13. For legal purposes be sure to delete last note.
14. Tell people about the spies that are trying to kill you.
15. Kill them for security purposes.
16. Crying doesn't solve anything. Try violent mood swings.
17. Make a scene whenever humanly possible.
18. The men in white coats are not your friends.
19. Ask them for a room full of sharp, pointy objects.
20. When that doesn't work, ask for a designer jacket.
21. Chicken soup, although good for colds, not the best cure for drowning.
22. Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.
23. Unlike fine wine, milk does not get better with age.
24. Always remember, uh...uh...damn.
25. Train armies of flying monkeys.
26. Goldfish don't like milk.
27. Do not maim people. If you already have, kill them to avoid lawsuits.
28. Find out who invented the word 'pianist'.
29. People are staring at you.
30. So act insane.
31. People are weird but not as weird as me.
32. Do not taunt animals at the zoo. They have feelings...and teeth.
33. Little people are aggressive. Stay away from little people.
34. Going through other people's stuff is a bonding experience. Do it as much as possible.
35. You'll sometimes notice shadows late at night. Don't worry, it's only me. Bonding.
36. Never pet a burning dog.
37. Never make eye contact with a naked man. Especially if you're wearing a parka.
38. Naked men dig parkas.
39. Beware the naked man who offers you his parka.
40. You know what would look good on you?
41. Immolated cockroaches.
42. Don't worry. It's only a harmless pimento bug.
43. The size of Danny DeVito.
44. Making an amusing facial expression. Like this.
45. Numbers are evil. Count in clovers.
46. Stalking is fun. Do it a lot.
47. Make a large sign saying, "Look at me, I'm a gumnut tree."
48. No matter what people say. There is a way into your fantasy world.
49. The way is rum.
50. Constipated people don't give a shit.
51. The Ten Steps to Dying.
a. Fall down.
b. Be rushed to hospital.
c. Not be saved.
d. Be mourned over.
e. Be buried in dirt.
f. Have your grave looted.
j. Have your bones reanimated and used for pain, destruction and terror.
52. You cannot kill the snow.
53. The snow can kill you.
54. Grass can kill you too.
55. The leprechaun on the cereal box said I couldn't get his lucky charms.
56. Catch and castrate leprechaun.
57. He is real...no matter what the men in white say.
58. Staple paper in the middle of the page.
59. In case of blank looks, laugh maniacally.
60. You are not haxxor l337 or an uberhacker or anything like that.
61. Pretend to be so around the n00bs.
62. Do not go out with voice #7. He is a sadistic, soul-sucking demon.
63. Disregard last note. Go out with demon. Who needs a soul anyway?
64. Go ask Senior Diablo for bigger pitchfork.
65. Remember to kill HIM.
66. Tell the small children in the TOYS 'R' US that the dolls have an insatiable thirst for blood.
67. Note reactions. Avoid parents.
68. The blood of infants gives unholy superpowers according to Jhonen C. Vasquez. Test theory.
69. Scream. Doctors don't like it; they give you a shot of something nice.
70. Hide the bodies. Otherwise people will ask embarrassing questions.
71. Eat the evidence.
72. But not if it’s broken glass.
73. If in the presence of someone much wiser then you, point in a random direction and shout, "LOOK, a distraction." Then run.
74. Do not tell children that Santa is fat because he eats little children.
75. Disregard last note.
76. Note reactions.
77. On average, 100 people choke to death by ball point pens every year.
78. Stock up on ball point pens.
79. Learn to fly. Tell no one.
80. The secret to flying is throwing yourself at the ground and missing.
81. Do not stick fingers in a blender.
83. Blood loss is bad.
84. Find way to reattach fingers.
85. Scream as much as humanly possible at 2AM.
86. Answer every question with a question.
87. Ask people what gender they are.
88. Note reactions.
89. Refer to people as mortal.
90. The Seagull From Hell is out to get me.
91. Kill all enemies in most disturbing way possible.
92. Star by drowning them in fire ants.
93. Find the creators of pop-up messages.
94. Kill them.
96. Teachers don't like finding notes on world domination.
97. Dunk head in boiling water.
98. Disregard last note. Was written by voice #7.
99. Gullible is written on the ceiling.
100. Investigate this whole 'critical mass' when the klaxon dies down.
I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.
When life gives you lemons... MAKE YAOI!
When life gives you lemons make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it.
When life gives you lemons squeeze them in somebody's eyes and RUN!
It's not incest! It's brotherly love! They're different!
Nothing travels faster than light, with the possible exception of bad news, which follows its own rules
…didn’t need an excuse to go over to the Dark Side…
True Love has no happy ending, because True Love has no ending.
How to do Naruto!
Eat ramen for breakfast,lunch,and dinner
Stick your hand in a electric box and scream chidori as u pass out
Roll your eyes behind your head and scream Byakugan
Dye your head blond,black, or pink and try 2 run up a tree.
Trade in your hat for a forhead protector
Claim you're gonna kill you're best friend 2 get a better Sharingan
Copy everything a person does and claim its ur bloodline
Graduate highshool and proclaim you're self as Anbu
List Anbu as current occupation on a job application
Spout out a random character quote on command
Decide to call your moral code your "ninja way"
When you run, you run with your arms behind you
Try to walk on top of a hot spring
When someone asks you what your dream is, say that its to be Hokage
Write your name in blood on a big scroll
Take a leave of absence for 2 years and when you come back pretend you're cooler and smarter
You dye your hair red and carry around bags of sand.
You carve the Hokage's faces on a mountain.
You name your dog Akamaru or Pakkun.
You always wear sunglasses and keep bugs in your pockets.
You get red contacts and claim you are from the Uchiha bloodline.
You always wear green, skintight clothes.
When you do something stupid, you claim you were being controlled by the Shadow Possesion Jutsu.
You dye your hair white and spy on girls.
You collect frogs and claim to be a Toad Sage.
Do not always were black.
Please copy and paste this onto your profile if you believe, as I do, that the things listed below are horrible and inhumane.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn’t have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
Copy this to your profile if you believe in legalizing gay marriage
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
YOUR GUY SIDE:
You love hoodies.
YOUR GIRL SIDE:
You wear lip gloss/stick.
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, liposuction and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
（ﾟ､ ｡ ７
This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
This is a bunny rabbit. Copy and paste this into ur profile so it'll spread and achieve ultimate darkness in fanfiction.
Copy the bunny onto your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side. (We have cookies)
This is Bunny. I got him from someone else.Copy and paste Bunny into your signature to help him gain world domination.
Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side (we have candies, sweets and cookies)
Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side
Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side
Copy the cute evil bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination. Come join the dark side we have cookies!!
SUPPORT THE BUNNY
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882)
A PSALM OF LIFE
WHAT THE HEART OF THE YOUNG MAN
TELL me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is real ! Life is earnest!
Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
In the world's broad field of battle,
Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant !
Lives of great men all remind us
Footprints, that perhaps another,
Let us, then, be up and doing,
REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Professor Flitwick … does not know where Snow White is.
Professor Snape … has no wish to get in touch with his ‘feminine side’.
Professor Lupin … has no need for a flea collar. Ever.
Professor Moody … the best ‘teaching’ Hogwarts has seen in a while.
Professor McGonagall … does not take herself too seriously. It is a bad idea to tell her.
Professor Dumbledore … should be referred to as ‘Professor’, ‘Headmaster’ or ‘Sir’, not ‘Dude’, ‘My Leige’ or ‘Tim the Enchanter’.
Harry Potter … is more Emo than Draco Malfoy.
Draco Malfoy … disagrees.
Hermione Granger … has PMS and a wand.
Ron Weasley … is very afraid.
Luna Lovegood … is perfectly sane, thanks very much.
Ginny Weasley … wants her Hogwarts toilet seat.
Fred Weasley … knows if he and his twin giggle at an idea for more than fifteen seconds, they may assume that it’s against the rules and therefore should not carry it out.
George Weasley … knows he and his twin will carry it out and are not remotely sorry.
Lily Evans … swears she is not in love with James Potter.
James Potter … doesn’t believe her.
Remus Lupin … would prefer less jokes about ‘his time of the month’.
Sirius Black … killed by drapery.
Andromeda Black … is going to marry a muggle – screw the consequences.
Bellatrix Black … is quietly going insane.
Narcissa Black … would like a new hairbrush.
Lucius Malfoy … does not like to be referred to as ‘Luscious Mouthful’.
Voldemort … does not think it would be funny if HP were to put on earmuffs and pulled out a mandrake in his presence.
Gryffindors … will jump off a cliff.
Slytherins … will push someone else off.
Hufflepuffs… will call five hundred others and build a staircase.
Ravenclaws … will get hold of a flying carpet.
ONLY IN AMERICA...
...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance
...are there handicap parking spaces in front of ice-skating rinks
...sick people go to the back of Walgreens to get their medicine, while healthy people get their cigarettes at the front
...people buy hotdogs in packs of 10 and hotdog buns in packs of 8
...the banks leave both vaults open and then chain the pens to the counter
...people order a double cheese burger, large fries, and a diet coke
...people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveways and keep their junk in garages
...people use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss the calls from someone they don't want to talk to in the first place
...is the word "politics" used to describe the process so well; "Poli-" in latin means "many" and "tics" mean "blood-sucking creatures
16 THINGS TO DO AT WAL-MART
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
9. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "pikachu, I choose you!"
Repost this if you laughed...
Or are planning to do any of these things
The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
(This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that, one, it is not altered in any way, and, two, this copyright notice is attached.)
Sesshi-chan’s Submissions to the Evil Overlord List:
If I must have a child, I will not favor them over my trusted lieutenant. Good lieutenants are hard to find and children are fairly easy to get. Anyway, children tend to do pesky things like think they have what it takes to destroy me.
If there is a prophecy that declares I will be killed by a child who meets specific criteria I will disregard it. Psychics are unreliable anyway and to pay attention to the prophecy would only make the child in question think they were destined to defeat me or something. I do know basic psychology.
I will not decide to punish a village for the crimes of one person. As fun as it is, it tends to create rebels who "have nothing to lose". These people tend to avoid company except at the climax when they unexpectedly come to the rescue of the hero, sacrificing themselves to kill me.
To execute someone important, I will not do it in a showy way. I will privately have them tied up and throw them into a room where they shall be killed by a hail of bullets from all sides. Following that, the chamber shall be filled with toxic gas and then the body shall be cut apart, the brains and heart will be removed and then burned. The ashes shall be scattered. Heroes have a knack of living which can be a pain. Public executions tend to make the person's romantic counterpart appear and save them which is irritating.
When I have public executions, I will already have had the person killed and their place taken by one of my brainwashed underlings who is happy to die and will pretend to be the hero. They shall say that all attempts to kill me are futile, that I am supreme and that they were just looking for power. This should both prevent a rescue and the dead from being seen as a martyr.
I will not decorate my castle with spider webs. It does not help morale or my image.
I will not allow myself to develop monomania. The thing which I want can be gotten through other means or I can live without it.
Thorough background checks shall be given to all my bodyguards.
Regardless of my romantic desires, I will not steal the lovers/spouses of any of my subordinates or enemies. Sexual tension centered around freeing loved ones is silly.
I will not send the brainwashed former friend of the hero to kill them, nor will I let this person into my confidence. Brainwashings do fail.
All rebels groups shall be secretly undermined by the introduction of the political system. This should make all of them become jaded and separate.
I shall not leave a calling card. Likewise, I shall not tell my enemies my name.
My goals are not to be told to anyone. When the hero finds them out, they tend to try to thwart me.
The location of my stronghold is not to be told to all of my underlings. That is confidential.
To flush out the heroes hidden among my ranks, I shall send a clone of myself to walk through the garden near them. The hero will not hesitate to attempt to kill me.
I shall play pop music inside my castle which will be furnished like a department store, complete with insane sales-people. This should confuse the hero
This is really sweet...
When a girl is quiet, a million things are running through her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, she is thinking deeply.
When a girl looks at you with her eyes full of question, she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a girl answers "I'm fine." after a few seconds, she is not fine at all.
When a girl stares at you, she is wondering why you are lying.
When a girl rests her head on your chest, she is wishing for you to be her's forever.
When a girl wants to see you everday, she wants to be pampered.
When a girl says "I love you." she means it.
When a girl says "I miss you." nobody could miss you more than that.
Life only comes around once, so make sure you spend it with the right person.
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, and calls you back when you hang up on him.
The guy who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
The one who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you there for him.
The one who turns to his friends and declares "That's her."
If you read this, you have to repost it, guy or girl, or you will have bad luck for the rest of your life.
If you repost this, in five minutes your true love will call or message you.
Tonight at midnight, they will realize that they love you.
Something good will happen at approximately 1:42 pm tomorrow, and it could happen anywhere.
So get ready for the biggest shock of your life.
If you don't repost this, you will be cursed with relationship problems for all of eternity.
Repost this to your profile, and spare yourself the emotional stress.
This is a true story. A girl died in 1933. A man buried her when she was still alive. The murder chanted, "Toma Sota balcu," as he buried her. Now that you have read this chant, you will meet this little girl. In the middle of the night she will be on your ceiling. She will suffocate you like she was suffocated. If you post this on your profile, she will not bother you. Your kindness will be rewarded...
"What I’m really terrified of is leading an average, ordinary life with a regular job and an invariable routine, planned holidays, an average household, fixed responsibilities and not doing anything different to be remembered by" exoticwild on Tumblr
"Every time the Doctor gets pal-y with someone I have this overwhelming urge to notify their next-of-kin." - Rory Williams from the Doctor Who episode "The God Complex"
“Civil war? What does that mean? Is there any foreign war? Isn't every war fought between men, between brothers?” —Victor Hugo, author of Les Misérables
Dad, you have it paused. -Me trying to teach my dad about youtube.
Drunk people are out of their mind and not to be trusted- Raito from the Death Note fan fiction: A frozen Ghost, A Warm Kiss LXLight by InMyWildestMemories
Stupid people are everywhere- My friend Sky
Hell Hath no fury like's a woman's scorn- ??
I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every waking moment of it. - ??
Do not look for something that isn't there cause you will never find it. An example is Sanity.- Me
The World hates those who hate the world- My friend Syd.
Never judge a book by it's cover
Even the most beautiful roses have the sharpest of thorns.
All of L's teeth are sweet teeth.- Raito in LSD: The Mad Tea Party a Petshop of Horrors/Death Note crossover by Lazycatfish27
Spazzors UNIT!!- Me after a long hard laughing spazz attack. XD
Everyone related to me have issues.- Me!
Fate must have had an off day putting Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter together.- Draco's Veela Mate chapter 8 by ineedacure
Okay, thought Kousuke, beginning to feel irritable, the Blade Child is now officially clueless. Say something to enlighten the unenlightened here, people!
"…possible signs of animal genome within…"
"…force out the latent…"
"…make use of subliminal encoding to…"
Right. The unenlightened shall remain stupid. Great- Epic chapter 4 by Koko-chan1
The next quotes I got from Moondalian's profile and though them as funny as Hell so here, they will be posted on mine:
Seto Kaiba: "I'm just here to chew bubble gum and kick ass... and I'm out of bubble gum."
Yuugi: “You are supposed to be a freaking CEO of Kaiba Corporation, Seto. Are you this dense that you cannot simply understand what I mean?” – Ocean Avenue – Abstract Sora
Kaibe: "You're in no position to be making demands, so shut up and duel!"
Kaiba: "Stop saving the world and get a hobby!"
Internet: "Everyone has the right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilage."
A shirt: "By reading this, you have given me brief control of your mind."
No clue: I'm not littering, I'm donating to the Earth.
Yami Kkwy: "I'm not wasting time, I'm using time unwisely."
Valentine: "I would tell you to go to hell, but I think you're already there." - Lord of War
Yami Kkwy: "When life gives you lemons, read them and drool."
Joey: “Are we going or what?”
Tea: (to Joey, Tristan, and Duke) Don't you guys ever get tired of being tired?
Kaiba: Any duelist late for registration will be disqualified. Mokuba, make sure Wheeler's late. (he turns and walks away)
Kaiba: Don’t you have someone else to annoy?
Zigfried: ...And now I summon the three goddesses. The Goddess Urd, the Goddess Verdende and the Goddess Skuld.
Kaiba: (to Zigfried) I'm throwing you out because I don't like you, not because I'm scared of you.
Kaiba: (after Zigfried uses his goddesses to view his top 3 cards, which are all Blue-Eyes White Dragons) Judging by the expression on your face, I'm guessing my destiny looks pretty good.
Zigfried: NO! This... isn't... over...
Zigfried: I'll never beat Kaiba!
Sugoroku: (to Tristan) You're a genius!
Tea: Less talking, more climbing. Didn’t you learn your lesson last time?
Can't remember: As I was lying on my bed and looking at the stars and the moon, I wondered, 'Hey! Where the hell's my ceiling?'?
Tea: Good luck
Joey: Hey Tristan! What's our plan!
Kakashi: (after Deidara tries to blow him up and the guy rants about it) I appologize for not letting you blow me to bits.
Misa: I would never dream of living in a world without Light!
Goku: You can destroy planets, but you can never destroy what I am, friend..
Goku: It’s done.
Travis: I don't know if they told you, Fullmetal Shortstuff. We have a bit of a height requirement in MY military.