Name: I'm not going to tell you. I like the idea of secrecy.

Age: Wouldn't you like to know. (You can probably guess from this page anyway.)

Gender: Female

Country of habitation: England.

Country of birth: the same, though my parents are white South Africans.

Apparently I'm a Ravenclaw according to the quiz on http:///sorthatr.htm

Favourite books: I can't really say. I like the Twilight series, the Harry Potter series, historical romance novels, and loads of fantasy. I like most books, as long as they don't have too much description. The only exception to that rule is The Lord of The Rings.

Pets: I have a rat called Gris because she is a beautiful grey on her head and shoulders, and a couple of fish in the pond outside.

Favourite saying: There is no porn; there is only fanfiction and those too weak to read it.

My favourite types of fanfiction are:

Independant!harry, powerful!harry, grey/dark!harry... basically anything where harry isn't a wimp like he is in canon. As for pairings, I prefer him to be with a canon character, though I don't mind an oc too much. My favourites are Tom Riddle, Draco Malfoy and depending on how they're written, Hermione and Ginny. As for the people, I like the main characters to be either bad/manipulative or good.

One of my pet hates, however, is when people use Japanese names or terms that just declare them to be manga fans, out of context; eg in Harry Potter or Twilight or Alex Rider (not that I've come across it there). The only exception is Yaoi because that has just come to be universal in the fanfiction world as meaning boyxboy. Grr, it seriously enrages me when someone introduces a character in Harry Potter as Hakuri or Ki-chan or some such, unless they're actually Japanese origin and will not be a major character anyway.

Now, I'm going to sound like a hypocrite, but when I'm reading fanfiction, I don't like most major OC characters, but when I'm writing, I usually bring my character, Alexandra, into the story. I full understand that many others feel the same way, which is why I try to write and post stories which have no major OC characters in at all. I'm rambling, aren't I?

I, Dragonanzar, do solemly swear to never leave any of my fanfiction stories unfinished. I have joined the ranks of authors who promise to never abandon a story. If you too wish to join this brotherhood, please copy and paste.

I am a really bad updater, I admit it. I prefer to read rather than write so only write when I have no internet access. None of my stories, however, will be abandoned; I hate writing chapter by chapter because I always find that I want to change the beginning when I get to the end, so I finish the story in draft first. That means that once it is up here, it will be completed, however long it takes.

23/10/10

This is going to sound really sad, but I was acting as an assistant teacher in a reception class and there was this boy who had what looked like an untameble bird's nest for hair. It looked as if he'd just rolled out of bed! Guess what the really weird thing was though; his name was Harry! I'm not kidding. Yeah, sad and pathetic, I know.

Favourite quotes from fanfictions

Ron and Hermione exchanged looks and glanced oddly at Harry. "Harry," Ron began carefully. "Didn't anyone talk to you about . . .you know, that sort of stuff?"

Harry blanched at the question. "Yes," he protested, feeling his face turn red. "I'm not asking about. . . you know . . .sex. . .I'm just asking about an heir. Everyone talked to me, and I don't want to talk about it again!"

Both of them looked surprised, their eyes widening. "Everyone?" they pressed.

Harry rolled his eyes miserably. "Yes, alright, everyone. Bill cornered me the next day, and yes there were shadow puppets involved, and I think I'm scarred for life. And then Charlie drew me aside and I got more details than I ever wanted to hear." He shuddered at the memory. "And then the twins decided to talk to me - though I'm pretty certain they were just pulling my leg. At least I hope they were - the bit about House Elves was just gross, and I hope anatomically impossible." Ron and Hermione looked horrified at the thought, though each was trying not to laugh.

Harry just glared at them. "Oh, it gets worse," he assured them. "Percy decided to talk to me too."

"Percy!" Ron gasped in shock.

Harry just nodded and grimaced. "Of course he ended up running screaming from the room before he could get too involved in the discussion. But then your parents decided to sit me down to talk to me."

"Oh my god!" Ron paled in horror. "Together?"

Harry nodded and squirmed in his seat. "It was awful. Your dad kept saying things like 'when a boy and girl like each other', and then your mum would hit him across the back of the head and say 'two boys, no girl', and your dad would get all flustered and confused and then start talking about girls again, only to have your mum hit again. It went on and on like that for about ten minutes before they both just smiled at me and said they hoped I understood everything now."

"Oh, Harry," Ron exclaimed in sympathy. "I'm so sorry! That must have been terrible!"

"It gets worse," Harry sighed.

Ron and Hermione looked stunned. "Worse?''

"Right after that Sirius tried to talk to me," Harry explained. "But somehow he kept getting sidetrack and would start ranting about Snape. And then he told me that he was pretty certain both my parents wanted me to enter a monastery so there was no point in me even thinking about such things. But the really awful part was that somehow word of the subject made its way back here to Hogwarts."

Ron and Hermione looked absolutely flabbergasted at this point. "Who?"

"McGonagall," Harry whispered in horror and both of his friends gasped. "Remember that day we went down into the Chamber? Well after we got back, she called me into her office for a private chat. It took me several minutes to figure out what she was trying to talk to me about - I don't know who was more horrified. She started using these gigantic words that I didn't understand, and then finally just stammered and stuttered for several minutes. In the end she just handed me a cookie and sent me on my way."

Harry shuddered with the memory. "And then Hagrid bumped into me on the stairs, and slapped me on the back and said, 'I understand you need some talking to about the birds and the bees', and then he proceeded to explain the subject to me in minute detail. If you ever need to know about the mating habits of birds or bees, I'm your man. And I mean ACTUAL birds and bees. It was disgusting."
Taken from chapter 43 of 'The Marriage Stone' by Josephine Darcy.

Argus Filch stared agast at his group of detentionees. When Dumbledore had given him the group of troublemakers, he'd ordered them to scrub the stones of the entrance hall until they sparkled or else he'd break out the thumb screws. Nott had looked disturbingly excited and asked if he could just skip the scrubbing and go straight to the screws.

Longbottom had burst out in a torrent of pathetic waterworks that had caused even his cold heart a twinge of guilt. Although, he had a sneaking suspicion that he had been played as, right after he'd hesitantly and awkwardly said a "there there, don't cry", Longbottom's tears vanished and he grinned almost deviously.

Zabini glared at him and demanded a mop as he refused to ruin his expensive designer robes by kneeling on the filthy floor. The Malfoy brat joined him in glaring and told him in no uncertain terms that his father, who was on the Board of Governers thank-you-very-much, would hear about how his son was being forced to do menial labor like a lowly house elf.

Granger spent fifteen minutes going on about how it was physically impossible to make the stone floor sparkle without the use of magic, high-end cleaning products or several centuries of constant errosion by fast-flowing water. Parkinson had crossed her arms, kicked him hard in the shin and stormed off. By the time he'd stopped hopping on one foot, she was long gone.

Would it not have ruined his reputation, he might have pawned this group off on Hagrid. Even the one who had done as he was told disturbed him immensely. Potter had attached scrub brushes to his shoes and was now happily skating back and forth, a trail of foamy suds left in his wake.
Taken from Chapter 23 of 'Curse of Fate' by Mistress Nika

Harry rolled his eyes and turned a corner, only to come to a sudden halt as he almost ran into somebody else- this time, by accident. Professor Umbridge stared down at him with her cold eyes, a wide smile plastered over her flabby face.

"Professor," Harry greeted after a moments pause. "I was just thinking about you- all good things," he reassured her quickly with a brilliant smile

"I'm sure, Mr Potter," Umbridge said sweetly, her eyes running up and down him in a way that almost made him squirm. "Just what were you doing there in those dreadfully dreary dungeons?"

"You know, you're the second person to ask me that today," Harry mused. He smiled. "Well, I'm collecting donations for the annual Ministry Ball. Care to be a sponsor?"

"You shouldn't lie, Mr Potter," Umbridge said sharply. "I know for a fact that the Ministry doesn't have any balls."

Harry blinked and made an odd strangled sound in his throat, trying with all his might to suppress the bubbling laughter in his chest. Umbridge didn't seem to recognise the significance of what she had just said and stared down at Harry with narrowed eyes. In all fairness, his strained smile and purpling face would have looked quite odd to those out of the loop.

'I have no response to that,' Meciel murmured.

"Well," Harry coughed after a moment's pause. "That's…good to know." He let out another strangled cough. "Have a good day, Professor."

"I'm sure I will, Mr Potter," Umbridge said sweetly. The squat woman strolled off, leaving Harry alone.

"Oh, but I'm sure you won't," Harry muttered darkly, fingering Malfoy's wand beneath his robes.
Taken from Chapter 19 of 'The Denarian Knight' by Shezza88

Finally, at long last, McGonagall arrived, alone. "Where is she?" both wizards cried.

"Dolores Umbridge has vanished," Minerva informed the men calmly, much to their shock.

"What! How could she have escaped?" Snape demanded.

"She obviously decided it was safer to disappear rather than face the Headmaster's wrath, not to mention Aurors, inquiries, and Azkaban." She regarded the men's angry and frustrated faces, then said matter-of-factly, "Let's have some tea."

"I shall still have to make a full report to the Ministry," Dumbledore frowned, although he automatically summoned a tea set. "I hope Poppy thought to take pictures of Harry's injuries."

"There are always Pensieved memories," McGonagall pointed out. "And the instrument itself," she added, laying the evil quill down on the Headmaster's desk as she took a cup of tea and passed another to Snape.

Dumbledore's face was like thunder. "That unspeakable object!" he swore, his tone making the words into an epithet.

"What is more, Umbridge's own words make it clear that Fudge colluded in the Blood Quill's use. She was specifically sent here to discredit Harry, lest he pose any threat to Fudge's authority."

"Hmmmm." Albus' brow creased. "I shall have to take steps to point out the error of his ways to Cornelius."

Snape rolled his eyes. How like Albus to try to rehabilitate the man. Snape had no such goals. He was now determined to get rid of Fudge once and for all. He had been willing to tolerate an incompetent Minister, even one who listened to the likes of Lucius Malfoy, but now Fudge had gone too far. By deliberately targeting Harry, he had just signed his own death warrant. Or at least ensured that he would need to be removed from office, Snape didn't really care which.

While Dumbledore was lost in thought about how to deal with Fudge, Snape leaned over to McGonagall. "How did that idiot get away? I thought you had her under control?"

McGonagall shrugged. "She was a slippery little thing."

Snape gave her a sharp look. The deputy headmistress was alarmingly blasé about having let Umbridge slip through her fingers. He would have expected her to be livid at the Pink Toad's escape from justice.

Abruptly Minerva let out a loud belch. "Oh my, excuse me!" she exclaimed, patting her chest. Then she locked eyes with Severus who was just lifting his teacup to his lips. "It must have been something I ate," she said, very deliberately.

Snape promptly spit his mouthful of tea all over Fawkes, who screeched in protest and huffily vanished in a burst of flame.

Snape stared at Minerva, who gazed placidly back. Surely she hadn't meant…!

His mind worked busily, considering Minerva's absolute devotion to her students, her well-hidden Slytherin tendencies, and her uncharacteristic lack of concern over Umbridge's potential for future harm.

Snape gulped as he realized that one seriously enraged Transfiguration expert who is also a cat animagus plus one minimally powerful toadlike witch who has done the enraging equaled… one partially digested threat to Hogwarts' children.

"I – er – have a potion for indigestion," he offered, trying not to sound as terrified as he felt. Suddenly Albus was no longer the scariest person in the room.

"That would be very kind," she said, giving him an approving smile.
Taken from Chapter 47 of 'Harry's New Home' by Kbinnz

Someone, later on it was decided that Kunsel was to blame, showed Zack the list of 30 Annoying Things to Do on an Elevator. Zack decided to take it upon himself to enact all 30.

1. Walk on with a cooler that is labeled "HUMAN HEAD" on the side.

Hojo tried to buy it off of him.

2. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Although Genesis acted pleased that Zack didn't annoy him, he was secretly worried.

3. Bet the other passengers that you can fit a quarter in your nose.

Reno lost ten gil.

4. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "You're one of THEM" and back away slowly.

"Them?" Cissnei asked as she turned to glare at him. "What? Do you mean a Turk? Because yea, I am a Turk, and I'm darn proud of it. Do you have a problem with that? What is it with all you SOLDIERs thinking that you're so superior to us just because you let scientists fill you up with green goop?"

Zack felt thoroughly berated and apologized quickly.

5. Announce in a demonic voice, "I must find a more suitable host body."

Angeal dragged Zack down to the infirmary to get him checked out. After it was decided that he was fine Angeal forbid Zack from ever having coffee again.

6. Say "Ding" at each floor.

Reno chipped in and said "Dong," at each floor. Then Kunsel joined in and they decided to start their own music group.

7. Say "I wonder what all these do?" and push all the red buttons.

Angeal made him apologize to everyone on the lift and then he kicked him off and made him take the stairs.

8. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Sephiroth, not knowing what else to do, decided to just ignore him.

9. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"

Everyone else in the lift just assumed that it was of those things that only the SOLDIER's enhanced senses could hear.

10. Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

At first Cloud asked him to stop, but after a few floors he got off and returned with a pair of skis and joined in, which was fun his unit leader got on and asked him what the heck he was doing. Then it became awkward and of course, Zack was no help.

11. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Sephiroth was pretty sure this was not normal human behavior and he tried to ignore him.

12. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Reno pulled out his EMR and gave Zack a real shock.

13. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

"I'm surprised, Zack," Genesis muttered, "Usually you're so good at pushing my buttons."

14. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.

They didn't, but he did manage to get a date with the psychic who was fairly attractive.

15. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

Angeal dragged Zack back down to the labs for more testing.

16. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Cloud threw it at him and then hid in the corner the rest of the ride.

17. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Zack got twelve pictures of Genesis giving him the middle finger and five of Reno making very strange, yet erotic faces.

18. Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets on; ask if they have an appointment.

Sephiroth turned around and left, deciding that it would probably be easier just to walk up to the 60th floor.

19. Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

He beat Cloud and Kunsel but lost to a strangely flexible office worker.

20. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

He even managed to get Cloud to take notes.

21. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

Sephiroth hadn't realized how appropriate the nickname, puppy, was until that incident. Zack hadn't realized how sharp Masamune was until that incident.

22. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."

Cloud panicked.

23. Swat at flies that don't exist.

Reno offered to help him swat the pests and then wacked Zack with his EMR.

24. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

Angeal was glad, because it meant he'd stop borrowing his.

25. When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"

He'd never seen the cadet's run so fast.

26. Frown and mutter "Gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "Oops!"

He'd never seen the secretaries run so fast.

27. One word: Flatulence

He had the black bean casserole for dinner. Cloud fainted.

28. Bring a chair along.

Genesis probably would have just ignored him had it not been a rolly chair and had Zack not demanded that Genesis spin him. Instead, Genesis pushed him out of the elevator at the first opportunity.

29. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.

Sephiroth, once again, just decided to ignore Zack. However, Tseng ended up following Zack for the rest of the day as he tried to figure out what the SOLDIER was up to.

30. Call out, "group hug!" and then enforce it.

He managed to get two secretaries and the janitor in on the hug, however, Sephiroth proved to be incredibly stubborn.

Taken from chapter 3 of 'Observations' by SHADOWoftheFOX

Funny things

A conversation between Em and the British Admiral in James Bond 'Tomorrow Never Dies'

"Em, I don't think you have the balls for this job."

"Perhaps," replied Em, "But that means I don't have to think with them.

Anyway, here are a few things I found interesting on someone else's profile.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia-is the fear of long words. I can never remember this word, however much I try.

Death is God's way of saying, 'You're fired!' with no second chance. Suicide is humanity's way of saying, 'You can't fire me! I quit!

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

Some people are like slinkys, basically useless, but fun to push down the stairs.

Job at the FBI

The FBI had an opening for an assassin

After all the background checks, interviews

And testing were done, there were 3 finalists;

Two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of

The men to a large metal door and handed

Him a gun.

'We must know that you will follow your

Instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting

In a chair .. . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could

Never shoot my wife..'

The agent said, 'Then you' re not the right man

For this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was

Quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried,

But I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't

Have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the

Same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the

Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one

After another. They heard screaming, crashing,

Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was

Quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the

Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said. ' I had to Beat him to death with the chair.'

MORAL: WOMEN CAN BE EVIL, Don't Mess with them!!

You know you live in 2007 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

(\_/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Help Bunny achieve World Domination by copying this into your profile!
(")_(")

92 percent of the teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch and American Egael said that it wasn't cool to breathe anymore. put this in your profile if you're part of the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

"Never hire a colorblind electrician."

"When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country."

"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."

"At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote."

Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.

I walk, talk, eat and sleep on earth, but I live my life in a completely different world." If this sentance describes you, copy and paste on your profile.

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

65 percent of Teenagers spend more time watching rather then read,.If you are part of the 35 percent who read more that watch TV then cut and paste this to your Profile.

My night in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil.

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

MURPHY'S LESSER-KNOWN LAWS:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those that live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of Jury duty.

If you can't beat them, confuse them.

Reality continues to ruin my life.

If everything seems to be going well, you've obviously overlooked something.

It's you and me against the world - we attack at dawn.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple."

Life is just one bad thing after another. Unless it's a bunch of bad things all at once.

If the opposite of 'pro' is 'con', then what's the opposite of 'progress'?

If Fanfiction to you is what MySpace is to other people, copy this into your profile.
If you think that you are awesome, put this in your profile.
If you know someone that should be run over by a bus put this in your profile.
If you have called any of your friends insane, put this in your profile.
If you have called any of your friends insane more than once, put this in your profile.
If you read crack pairing and crack crossovers put this in your profile.
If you are on the computer for over 20 hours a week, put this in your profile.
If you fear the men in white, put this in your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile
A large percent of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you're one of the ones who do know and wants to slug them, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever said something that has nothing to do with the current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile
If you believe that the pink bunnies of doom are really out to get you copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever stared at a computer screen for hours and hours reading stories that people who have no lives what’s so ever and have enough obsession with something to write a story about it and you are one of those people, copy and paste this into your profile
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.
If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile.
If you talk to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: Danyan, Avatarwolf, Shifter-youkai, AkatsukiFan, TheDevilsAngel93 xD, krakengirl, Destiny Writes, Unwritten.25, Dragonanzar
If you or your best friend(s) is insane, copy this into your profile.
If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.
If you have EVER yelled at a TV after getting frustrated at someone who can't hear you, put this on your profile.
If you have ever felt the undenilable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile. (And did it)
If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile.

This poem is really sad so be prepared...

My name is Chris,

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong

I can't speak at all

Or else I'm locked up

All day long.

When I'm awake I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home

When my mommy does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll just get

One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken,

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into an unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God, have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor

My name is Chris

I am three,

Tonight my daddy

Murdered me.

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE, COPY THAT POEM INTO YOUR PROFILE!

Boeing 757-"Fragile. Do not drop"

How to store your baby walker: First, remove baby. Wow! Wouldn't have seen that one coming!

Endust duster-"This product is not defined flammable by the consumer products safety commission regulations. However this product can be ignited under certain circumstances"

Baby oil-"Keep out reach of children."

Dog food-"new and improved tasting", who tests it?

Hair coloring-"Do not use as an ice cream topping." Yummy...

Sleeping pills-"Warning: may cause drowsiness" 'Cause that's not the desired effect..

Komatsu Floodlight-"This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark" Why did I buy it again?

Earplugs-"These earplugs are nontoxic, but they may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe." Are you sure? Lets experiment .

RCA television remote control-"Not dishwasher safe." Really?

Road sign-"Caution: water on road during rain." Gasp!

Hair dryer-"Do not use while sleeping" But thats the only time I have to work on my hair! (Mind you, I had a French teacher who apparently sleep-walked and woke up with her hair dryer clutched to her chest.)

On a bar of Dial soap- "Directions: use like regular soap" And that would be how?

Some Swann frozen dinners-"Serving sugestion: Defrost" But it's just a sugestion.

Tesco's dessert (printed on bottom of the box)-"Do not turn upside down" Too late! You lose!

Marks and Spencer Bread pudding: "Warning: product may be hot after heating." Wow, I would have never guessed!

Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." But wouldn't that save more time?

Boots childrens cough medicine: "Do not drive or operate machinary." We could do a lot to reduce construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off fork lifts.

Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children." Why?

Christmas lights; "For indoor and outdoor use only." As opposed to outer space.

Food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." Now I'm curious.

Sainsbury's peanuts:"Warning: may contain nuts." But no peas?

American Airlines package of peanuts; "Instructions: open packet. Eat nuts." Someone got paid big bucks to write this one...

Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with hands." Raise your hand if you've tried this.

Stories being written in draft form right now

Lost world- Harry Potter
In a universe where Voldemort won and the prophecy was never heard, the only threat to his power is an escaped, parent-less slave. The destiny of Harry Evans is tied in with the Dark Emperor of the world and neither can live whilst the other survives. No specific pairing.

Opposing Sides- Alex Rider
Alex makes a deal with the devil; he agrees to spy for MI6 when he finishes his GCSEs. On a mission for them, one of many, he meets one he thought was dead. Only time will reveal whether they will be enemies or friends, or maybe something more... Yassan and Alex are the main characters. Eventual Slash.

Fate's Forge- Harry Potter
A series of seven books which stretch from before Harry's first year to after his seventh. Harry Potter was abused beyond Dumbledore's dreams, yet his rescuer was not one from Earth. Bought from his relatives by Alexandra Dragonanzar, Harry is going to be very different from the Golden Boy Dumbledore envisioned. Powerful!Harry, Slave!Harry, probably cliches galore, Dark!Harry, Slash- Harry/Voldemort, however, Voldemort has a nose and hair, and there will be no sexual relationship until at least sixth year.

A Step in Time- Harry Potter
I'm also thinking the title could be 'A Stitch in Time' saves nine. An accidentally immortal Harry has seen the demise of the Wizarding world. Magical humans have almost died out because of all the deaths caused by Grindleward, Voldemort and the Ministry in their misguided attack on Dark Magic. Harry decides to go back in time to his parent's era to stop the second war. The only problem is, he went a bit too far back. He's now at Hogwarts with the sixteen year old Tom Riddle. Potential Harry/Tom slash.

The Silver Serpent
(title under revision) My version of the Harry-is-raised-by-Voldemort cliche. An assassin has recently started killing prominent figures in the Wizarding World as well as other victims who bear the Dark Mark. The only common factor is the calling card of a small silver figurine in the shape of a snake.

Multi-chaptered fanfics

A real family at last?
My first Severus mentors Harry fic. I have really been enjoying this type of fic, so decided to write my own. I am happy for any constructive criticism. I will try to update regularly, but it depends on how much time I am allowed on the computer by my parents. COMPLETED

One-shots: Both of these were written with Alexandra as a main character. If you want to know more about her, check out my page on fictionpress.com. my name is the same as on here. I would very much appreciate it if you left a review if you read it.

Pureblood mania.
Was written because I just wondered at the point of view of some pure blood wizards. I wondered whether they had ever really been challenged by someone they wouldn't want to offend.

The folly of Umbridge
I never liked that woman and thought that Alexandra should challenge her. A simple human wouldn't stand a chance against Alexandra, so I thought she was the ideal person to teach Umbridge a lesson. I might write a sequel if anyone wants it.

Care for a Shave?
I saw 'Sweeny Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street' and really enjoyed it. This oneshot just jumped into my head and I had to write it.

Innocent
I don't know how this one happend. I think I must have read an insane Harry fic and just decided to read this one. Plus, Stockholm Syndrome really interests me so I thought about adding a bit of that in too.

Disclaimer I solemnly swear I do not own anything that you recognise in any of my fics. I am just terrible at remembering to put a disclaimer up on every chapter, or even every story.

Thanks for reading.