TwistedKat
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Joined 03-28-08, id: 1536932, Profile Updated: 05-30-13
Author has written 4 stories for Labyrinth, Soul Calibur, Naruto, and Batman Begins/Dark Knight.

Hey, I'm Cat, I'm a 25 year old ex art student from lovely N.I.

I like stuff :-)

The Buffalo Theory now rules my life! It's such a great excuse - I mean theory... Ahem...

In a episode of 'Cheers', Cliff is seated at the bar describing the Buffalo Theory to Norm. I don't think I've ever heard the concept explained any better than this.

'Well you see, Norm, it's like this . . . A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, the slowest and weakest ones at the back are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers.'

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bastard.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bastard
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.
I'm WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

30/5/13 - I'm a horrible person and I will update soon. Lot's. I promise...

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Of Dwarves Courting Hobbits by Norah Rose reviews
Thorin attempts to court an unaware Bilbo.
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,132 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 358 - Follows: 42 - Published: 12/20/2012 - Bilbo B., Thorin - Complete
What Might Be Done by loupgarou1750 reviews
In which our Hero, Severus Snape, realises that some day he will need a hero of his own. He chooses Harry Potter. Harry isn't sure what Snape's up to. AKA Snape pursues Harry for a very long time. A little humour, a little romance, a little angst. WI
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 62,089 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 169 - Updated: 11/11/2012 - Published: 5/31/2005 - Severus S., Harry P.
Blood Quill Consequences by Acherona reviews
Umbridge goes too far with the blood quill and it results in a trip to the infirmary, better instruction, a TA position, and falling in love for Harry Potter. Growing up is never easy, especially for The Boy Who Lived.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 37 - Words: 214,764 - Reviews: 1290 - Favs: 2,005 - Follows: 1,195 - Updated: 4/14/2012 - Published: 12/17/2011 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Unoriginality by EosAella reviews
Uther's magic hating speeches. Sorcerer's Uther hating speeches. Frankly Merlin was getting bored with the unoriginality. Includes a little Bamf!Merlin and is verging on Crack!fic also a sort of Reveal!fic. No slash.
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,534 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 255 - Follows: 44 - Published: 4/1/2012 - Merlin, Uther - Complete
Method by Lexical Item reviews
Ducard checks up on Crane's progress prior to the dumping of fear toxin into Gotham's water supply. Their discussion leaves Crane with a few things to consider.
Batman Begins/Dark Knight - Rated: T - English - Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,543 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/24/2012 - J. Crane, Ra's al Ghul - Complete
Thought You Ought To Know by whitecrossgirl reviews
Set after 'Beauty and the Beast'. There's a WHAT in the dungeon?
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 391 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 10 - Published: 1/3/2012 - Merlin, Uther - Complete
Pains and Contradictions by atypicalsnowman reviews
SS/HP. Slash. When Harry begins to break under the pressures of death and prophesy, help arrives from an unlikely quarter: Snape. Despite their own doubts, manipulations from all sides and hapless interventions combine to bring their two souls together.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 40 - Words: 312,846 - Reviews: 1710 - Favs: 1,964 - Follows: 1,180 - Updated: 8/11/2011 - Published: 8/10/2008 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
The Incredible Bouncing Knight by Ultra-Geek reviews
Or, Why Sir Leon Isn't Dead. Whenever the subject of Leon's propensity towards living is brought up, everyone in the household gets shifty eyed and twitchy. Is it skill? Luck? Magic? No, of course not, magic's illegal, don't be ridiculous…
Merlin - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,486 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 391 - Follows: 29 - Published: 2/21/2011 - Leon, Merlin - Complete
We Can Be Heroes by Taisia Kuno reviews
Close to being a full novel, this is a pre, during and post JP3 story involving the relationship between Alan and Billy. Seriously, we all saw it. AlanBilly THIS IS A LONG STORY Part 1,2 COMPLETE Part 3 Update 120610 ONGOING
Jurassic Park - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 32 - Words: 155,146 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 12/6/2010 - Published: 4/3/2006
CHARLIE: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual by RoseOwl reviews
NAMASTE! You are now the proud owner of a CHARLIE unit! In order to achieve full use of your unit the reading of this manual is essential. You don't want to find a Virgin Mary statue full of illegal drugs in your room, do you? Maybe?
Lost - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,376 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/2/2010 - Charlie - Complete
Pandorum: The Man in the Box by CODE ZERO-Mystik reviews
"The man in the box was beautiful, at least he thought so." One-shot. SLASH Gallo/Bower. Pre-Movie. A Pandorum fanfic, because no one else will write them. EDIT: Finally, they make the category!
Pandorum - Rated: T - English - Angst/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 789 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 8 - Published: 9/22/2010 - Gallo, Bower - Complete
The Lonely King by Dark Raven Wrote reviews
Lonely and bitter, Uther finds comfort in the possession of beauty. Sometimes, simple kindness and angelic hearts can change, and perhaps save, a life.
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,956 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 2 - Published: 7/9/2010 - Uther, Merlin - Complete
Stress Reliever by OMGimprocrastinating reviews
Feel Merlin's magic fingers
Merlin - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,375 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 13 - Published: 5/22/2010 - Merlin, Leon
Georgia on My Mind by Lauralot reviews
You have to take the skeletons out of the closet before you can bury them. Sequel to Shadow Selves. Wayne/Crane.
Batman Begins/Dark Knight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,578 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 7 - Published: 5/18/2010 - J. Crane, Bruce W./Batman - Complete
Harry Potter And The Overcaffeinated Author by Envious Writer reviews
I inhaled two largely caffeinated drinks, two cups of chai and sat down to my computer to write THIS. Warning: May cause Seizures. I OWN NOTHING!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 626 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/31/2010 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Selective Memory by slightlytookish reviews
Sir Leon discovers Merlin's magic. Spoilers for Episode 2x13.
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 724 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 18 - Published: 1/2/2010 - Merlin, Leon - Complete
Shadow Selves by Lauralot reviews
Living together against both parties' will is hard, and romance is never easy. Especially when your alter egos hate each other. Eventual Wayne/Crane. Sequel to The Knight and The Prince.
Batman Begins/Dark Knight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 100 - Words: 268,766 - Reviews: 1260 - Favs: 212 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 12/31/2009 - Published: 5/24/2009 - J. Crane, Bruce W./Batman - Complete
The Knight and the Prince by Lauralot reviews
Joker decides he wants to play mind games with Batman, and brings the Scarecrow along. Somewhat slash. Sequel to Say That We're Sweethearts Again.
Batman Begins/Dark Knight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 55 - Words: 167,979 - Reviews: 826 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 12/20/2009 - Published: 2/20/2009 - Joker, Bruce W./Batman - Complete
The Tshirt incident: Retaliation & Escalation by Pika-la-Cynique reviews
Sequel to 'the T-shirt Incident' fic and the 'Jareth's Tshirt' pic. Goading the Goblin King into a twitching fury is the sort of dangerous idea that can get a girl into very, very hot water indeed... Utterly JxS. EDIT 11-08: PART DEUX begins at last!
Labyrinth - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 57,550 - Reviews: 740 - Favs: 1,069 - Follows: 838 - Updated: 12/20/2009 - Published: 5/30/2007
Nerd by Night Monkey reviews
The Joker sets out to prove that the Scarecrow is nothing more than a nerd. Can Dr. Crane show that mad scientist and geek are not synonymous? Will he have any dignity left by the end of the Joker's experiment?
Batman - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 85,066 - Reviews: 251 - Favs: 160 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 12/6/2009 - Published: 3/5/2009 - The Joker, Johnathan C./Scarecrow - Complete
The Accidental Therapist by Lauralot reviews
Sometimes you end up helping the villain, when all you intended was to bring him in. Sequel to Act Like We Are Fools. Rated for gore.
Batman Begins/Dark Knight - Rated: M - English - Friendship - Chapters: 27 - Words: 86,458 - Reviews: 402 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 9/2/2009 - Published: 1/11/2009 - J. Crane, Bruce W./Batman - Complete
Don't Say That To Casey by Daria234 reviews
Chuck annoys Casey; Casey loses it a little and starts listing things that annoy. The list has a lot of Chuck-related things. Humor ficlet. Also a costume party. CRACK
Chuck - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 618 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/8/2009 - Chuck B., Casey/Alex C. - Complete
Contract by MarauderNextGen reviews
Lucius Malfoy offers the order a way to destroy Voldemort as long as they are willing to make one small sacrifice. But when Voldemort is gone is the sacrifice something they can live with? warn slash au/ooc
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 54 - Words: 76,125 - Reviews: 948 - Favs: 649 - Follows: 352 - Updated: 3/30/2009 - Published: 11/23/2008 - Harry P., Lucius M. - Complete
Punish Me! by 1note reviews
The tale of the dreaded Captain Carnage and his fateful encounter with Nite Owl and Rorschach.
Watchmen - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,540 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 11 - Published: 3/28/2009 - Walter K./Rorschach, Dan D./Nite Owl - Complete
Act Like We Are Fools by Lauralot reviews
This could only end badly, but he couldn't help but go along for the ride. Joker/Crane. Sequel to Mad Friends.
Batman Begins/Dark Knight - Rated: M - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 40 - Words: 108,255 - Reviews: 439 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 11/26/2008 - J. Crane, Joker - Complete
My Twelve Days of Christmas by Bells of Tomorrow reviews
There's only twelve days left until Christmas day, and JD is beyond excited. But when strange packages start arriving at his door, the brunet can't help but wonder: What do they mean? And more importantly, who are they from?
Scrubs - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 12 - Words: 27,706 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 12/25/2008 - Published: 12/14/2008 - Complete
Mad Friends by Lauralot reviews
Joker wasn't the only one Harleen Quinzel treated. The story of her fall to darkness through the eyes of her patient and friend, Jonathan Crane. Rated M to be safe.
Batman Begins/Dark Knight - Rated: M - English - Friendship - Chapters: 40 - Words: 87,535 - Reviews: 216 - Favs: 190 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 11/24/2008 - Published: 10/5/2008 - Complete
Minor Annoyances by Mysterious Penname reviews
“The day Light-kun doesn’t have the need to speak over one hundred thousand words is the day I will eat quietly!” This is a series of drabbles about...well, L and Light annoying each other. Crack, OOCLight, COMPLETE
Death Note - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 64 - Words: 97,988 - Reviews: 2806 - Favs: 720 - Follows: 263 - Updated: 6/7/2008 - Published: 1/19/2008 - L, Light Y. - Complete
Crossing Ways by Laurenke1 reviews
After the death of Sirius Black, Harry seeks out professor Snape to confront him about Sirius' death. Yet as their ways cross they change more then they would ever dare to admit and hope. Slash warning and AU warning.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 111,727 - Reviews: 332 - Favs: 350 - Follows: 134 - Updated: 5/3/2008 - Published: 9/14/2007 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
The Craven by Checkerboards reviews
Jonathan Crane has an encounter with a certain grim and ominous ebony figure. A parody of Edgar Allan Poe's 'The Raven'.
Batman - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 817 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 30 - Published: 1/21/2008 - Bruce W./Batman, Johnathan C./Scarecrow - Complete
Ace Of Spades by BiteMeTechie reviews
[CAT] In which there is a chase, Batman gets beaned, and the Scarecrow finally gets the last laugh.
Batman - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,214 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/24/2007 - Johnathan C./Scarecrow, Bruce W./Batman - Complete
DUDE! by The X-Filer reviews
Mulder and Skinner, well, have too much of the good stuff! and Scully has to deal with the craziness!
X-Files - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,131 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/16/2007 - F. Mulder, W. Skinner
You Keep What You Kill by Furyan Goddess reviews
Riddick's musings and urges about Vaako come to a head. SLASH MM. NC17 for implied sexual content, deathmurder and language. Adult situations.
Pitch Black / Riddick - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,573 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/8/2007 - Complete
Harry Potter And The Cliches Of Doom by Tabesco Lamnia Lammina Lamna reviews
WARNING: Contents of this story may be harmful for those suffering low blood pressure, cardic difficulties, pregnancy, sympathy for authors of MarySues and or nut allergies. Contains slash, OCs, OOCness, sexual references and spontaneous dancing.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 33 - Words: 48,248 - Reviews: 136 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 7/8/2007 - Published: 10/12/2006 - Harry P., Ron W. - Complete
Hell if I Know by GIRL IN STORY reviews
Kenny McCormick is used to being ignored. Even dying doesn't get him noticed, but Kenny's fine with that, because the good thing about being ignored is that you don't have to worry about anyone leaving you. Completed.
South Park - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 8 - Words: 7,537 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 5/15/2007 - Published: 5/5/2007 - Kenny M., Christophe - Complete
The Morning After by Twinings reviews
All he wanted was to go back to sleep. Really. That's all.
Batman - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,131 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/1/2007 - Johnathan C./Scarecrow - Complete
The Unkindness of Ravens by Twinings reviews
All things considered, it was still not the worst Christmas ever. -CATverse 1.1-
Batman - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 33 - Words: 44,511 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 12/26/2006 - Published: 12/11/2006 - Johnathan C./Scarecrow, Edward N./The Riddler - Complete
Silas and MarySue by FuchsiaII reviews
If I had eyebrows, I'd raise them,' thought Silas worriedly...
Robert Langdon series - Rated: T - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,803 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 10/22/2006 - Published: 7/4/2006 - Complete
In Admiration by emication reviews
What if Jack and Boone had developed a relationship during season one? What would things be like if Boone never died?
Lost - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 40 - Words: 45,478 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 8/31/2006 - Published: 12/18/2005 - Jack, Boone
Bunkbeds by Dee-and-Essy reviews
WARNING: Contains bad language, character bashing, imaginary basilisks, inappropriate student teacher relations, babelized French, crossdressing, 'The 24 Hour Soap Opera Network', violence, Communism and eye of newt.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 47,759 - Reviews: 165 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 8/24/2006 - Published: 5/9/2002 - Draco M., Ginny W.
The Boy who Loved Tweek Tweak by Faery Goddyss reviews
Journals, Tweek, Kenny, stalkers and toliet stalls. Just catching the attention of the one who needs it most. Slash. COMPLETE.
South Park - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 61,433 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 162 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 7/19/2006 - Published: 8/14/2005 - Kenny M., Tweek T. - Complete
No 'Noisy Bleedy Death' Involved by FuchsiaII reviews
Da Vinci Code parody with a Silas twist.
Robert Langdon series - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,966 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/26/2006 - Complete
Confused arrest by Lecter-in-love reviews
Clarice is in pursuit of Doctor Lecter but she finds him in an unusual state… Complete .
Silence of the Lambs/Hannibal - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,962 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 41 - Updated: 11/28/2004 - Published: 10/15/2004 - H. Lecter, C. Starling - Complete
In Plain Sight by Aratlithiel1 reviews
Hobbits don't take instruction very well.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 23,018 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/19/2004 - Frodo B., Faramir
Of Dwarvish Ale and Battle Scars by Aratlithiel1 reviews
In which Frodo is a bad influence, Faramir can't hold his ale, Aragorn can't sing and Gandalf can't take it
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,289 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/25/2003 - Published: 10/1/2003 - Frodo B., Faramir
Loki and Bartleby Do Television by NeoVenus22 reviews
What happens after Loki and Bartleby die...a humorous look. R for some language. [complete]
Dogma - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,729 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/11/2002 - Published: 3/4/2002 - Complete
Bagenders by Lady Alyssa reviews
*NEW EPISODE* 2001 (in an AU) and the now immortal Fellowship are living in the house-share from hell. Now with 3 non plot-defining random slashy interludes. Random Dent would like to point out she actually exists.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 18 - Words: 80,974 - Reviews: 403 - Favs: 172 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 5/27/2002 - Published: 1/6/2002
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Dissecting Blue Flowers reviews
Crane knew Henri Ducard, or Ra's Al Ghul, would find him eventually. He hadn't expected it to be so soon
Batman Begins/Dark Knight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,042 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 2/9 - Published: 6/27/2012 - J. Crane, Ra's al Ghul
101 Ways To Annoy Jareth reviews
How to annoy a Goblin King! Rating due to language
Labyrinth - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 50 - Words: 30,660 - Reviews: 188 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 12/9/2013 - Published: 5/14/2008 - Jareth
Love First Ponz reviews
Raphael wants Nightmare ... and he's an idiot. Need I say more? This is what happens when two people play soulcalibur for far too long
Soul Calibur - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,972 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 3/3/2013 - Published: 9/5/2008 - Nightmare, Raphael
The Necklace reviews
It all started with the first's necklace
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 36,407 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 71 - Updated: 3/3/2013 - Published: 10/26/2008 - Naruto U., Yamato