Author has written 8 stories for Resident Evil series, Tom Clancy, Harry Potter, Danny Phantom, Evangelion, Dragon Age, and Godzilla.
Here, if you have a milkshake, and I have a milkshake, and I have a straw. There it is, that's a straw, you see? You watching?. And my straw reaches acroooooooss the room, and starts to drink your milkshake... I... drink... your... milkshake! (SLURP) I drink it up!
XM7 Wyvern Armored Combat Exoskeleton
Currently Listening to: Skillet - "Monster"
My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work. Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King every day, every single fucking day.
Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.
Random Ass Military Quotes
"Hell, these are Marines. Men like them held Guadalcanal and took Iwo Jima; Baghdad ain't shit."
"I come in peace. I didn't bring artillery. But I'm pleading with you, with tears in my eyes: If you fuck with me, I'll kill you all.
"Underway on Nuclear Power."
"Boys, the old flag never touched the ground!"
"Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war."
"As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I have no fear, because I am the meanest motherfucker in the whole valley."
"If everything is going according to plan, you've just stepped into an ambush"
"Front Towards Enemy"
"Retreat? No. We're advancing in another direction."
One Big Ass Mistake America
Foxtrot November Golf. (FNG)
Situtation Normal: All Fucked Up. (SNAFU)
Fucked Up Beyond Any Recognition. (FUBAR)
"Aren't Really Men Yet" (ARMY)
"Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up" (YMRA S.U)
"My Ass Rides In Navy Equipment" (MARINE)
"Muscles Are Required, Intelligence Non-Essential" (MARINE)
U Signed the Motherfucking Contract (USMC)
Uncle Sam's Misguided Children (USMC)
The United States Marine Corps; Helping enemy soldiers die for their countries since 1775
My Mama can't you see?
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