Flys Through Water
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Poll: What couple should I do for my next story? Vote Now!
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Joined 04-29-08, id: 1563965, Profile Updated: 06-22-10
Author has written 4 stories for Alex Rider, Twilight, and Host.

Name: Ashie

Age: wouldn't you like to know-- stalker

Location: Plantet Earth, though I may have been born on Marz

Ocupation: comeing up with witty lines to get me out of situations

Hobbies: Reading, singing, writing, fanfiction, sleeping... what? I sleep from 10:00 at night to 6:30 in the morning! thats long enough to be called a hobbie in my book!

Did i mention that i've read Eclipse by Stephenie Meyer 32 times as of December 10 2009? yes, i did. Call me obsessed, but it was the only one i still had in my room...

Oh! I almost forgot! This is the link to my fanfiction profile . lol I just realized that I can put links on here, and I love it... btw read my stories, just scroll down to the bottom of this fanfiction profile .

And this is the link to my vampirefreaks page:

Favorite Pairings and such:






JacobxBella (cuz Jacob and Nessie can't be a pair because she's too young)

Quil Claire (no x cuz Claire is too young)


Shadow Children:


House of Night:


ZoeyxHeath/Stark (not Loren-- eww!)





Zoey/Stevie Rae

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she would live even if he died. Copy this onto your profile if you would do the same thing for someone you love.

You know you live in 2010 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screen name or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

Funny isn't it!

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up.

He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism


FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this crap!

Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did
What I was told,
I went to school, I got straight As',
I even got the gold!

But Mommy, when I went to school that day,
I never said goodbye,
I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go,
But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun,
He hit me and another,
And all because Johnny,
Got the gun from his older brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy;
That I love him very much,
And please tell Chris; my boyfriend;
That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister;
That she is the only now,
And tell my dear sweet Grandmother;
I'll be waiting for her now,

And tell my wonderful friends;
That they always were the best,
Mommy, I'm not the first,
I'm no better then the rest.

Mommy, tell my teachers;
I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this,
And please don't let this pass.

Mommy, why'd it have to be me?
No one deserves this,
Mommy, warn the others,
Mommy, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy, tell the doctors;
I know they really did try,
I think I even saw a doctor,
Trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying,
With a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy, please remember,
I'm in heaven with the rest.

Mommy, I ran as fast as I could,
When I heard that crack,
Mommy, listen to me if you would,
I'm not coming back.

I wanted to go to college,
I wanted to try things that were new,
I guess I'm not going with Daddy;
On that trip to the new zoo.

I wanted to get married,
I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress,
Mommy, I wanted to live.

But Mommy, I'm must go now,
The time is getting late,
Mommy tell my boyfriend,
I'm sorry, but I had to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have,
I know; you know it's true,
And Mommy all I wanted to say is,
"Mommy, I love you"

--In Memory Of The School Shootings--
If this poem touched you in any way, please pass it
on. And even if it didn't, pass it on just for the
memory of the innocent children

Advice to being the Perfect Boyfriend,

When she walks away from you mad,
Follow her.

When she pushes you or hit's you
Grab her and dont let go.

When she's quiet
Ask her whats wrong.

When she ignore's you
Give her your attention.

When she pull's away
Pull her back.

When you see her at her worst
Tell her she's beautiful.

When you see her start crying
Just hold her and don't say a word.

When you see her walking
Sneak up and hug her waist from behind.

When she's scared
Protect her.

When she steal's your favorite hat
Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night.

When she tease's you
Tease her back and make her laugh.

When she doesnt answer for a long time
reassure her that everything is okay.

When she look's at you with doubt
Back yourself up.

When she say's that she like's you
she really does more than you could understand.

When she grab's at your hands
Hold her's and play with her fingers.

When she bump's into you
bump into her back and make her laugh.

When she tell's you a secret
keep it safe and untold.

When she looks at you in your eyes
dont look away until she does.

When she misses you
she's hurting inside.

When you break her heart
the pain never really goes away.

When she says its over
she still wants you to be hers.

When she reposts this bulletin
she wants you to read it.

If you think this next thing is incredibly cute and sweet, copy and paste it onto your profile.

Bella: Do I ever cross your mind?

Edward: No

Bella: Do you like me?

Edward: No

Bella: Do you want me?

Edward: No

Bella: Would you cry if I left?

Edward: No

Bella: Would you live for me?

Edward: No

Bella: Would you do anything for me?

Edward: No

Bella: Choose--me or your life

Edward: My life

Bella runs away in shock and pain and Edward runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Now isn't that the cutest thing you've ever read! So like Bella and Edward

Top 75 Most Annoying Things To Do In An Elevator

When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

Ask, "Did you feel that?"

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

Swat at flies that don't exist.

Tell people that you can see their aura.

Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

Put police tape in front of the door before entering.

Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.

Hold an auction.

Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.

Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.

Throw a rave.

Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not fung shwei."

Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".

Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.

When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?"

Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'"

Have a heated debate with yourself.

Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.

Drum on every available surface.

Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.

Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.

Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.

Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.

Propose to the other passengers.

Challenge people to duels.

Sell girl scout cookies.

Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor.

Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."

Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.

Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a lighter.

Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend.

Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers.

Shout "Food fight!"

Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"

When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.

Elevators were practically MADE for river dnce!

Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"

Make sushi.

Press your nose against the other passengers, and say "You know, this is what the Eskimos used to do before having sex."


Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops

moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.

Practice your kung fu.

Make race car noises when people get on and off.

Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"

Fly a model airplane.

Do yoga.

Play the accordion

Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.

Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.

Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.

Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."

Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!

15 Things to do when your in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme. ( I love this one! )

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

15. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

Some quotes i find interesting:

Where's Elizabeth? She's safe, just like I promised, she's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised, and you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our words really, except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman. Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

But ... why is the rum gone? Why is the rum always gone? -Jack Sparrow

What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows. -Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

Let's flip a coin, heads we'll be together, tails we'll flip again.

To eat, or not to eat... That is the question

-And you can quote me on the quote, unquote- (Dane Cook)

-I dazzle people?- (Edward Cullen, lol)

-Do you remember when you told me I couldn't see myself clearly? You obviously have the same blindness- (Bella Swan)

-You're wrong you know. You are worth it- (Jasper Hale Cullen)

-Cullen boys...because they don't make them like that anymore- ;)

-Stupid, shiny Volvo owner- (Twilight)

-Bella's all about the extreme sports these days- (Alice Cullen)

-Boys in books...are just better-

-I have more fictional boyfriends than you do. Beat that!-

-Hello, my name is: GOD- haha

-I run with vampires-

-Edward Cullen is so bringing sexy back-

-I'll be your Bella if you'll be my Edward-

-It's funny how someone can break your heart and you still love them with all the little pieces-

-Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable- (New Moon)

-Yeah, none of those freaky Virgos here- lol (Jacob Black)

-You know I love you right? Well, I just want you to know that if we ever get chased by zombies, I'm totally tripping you- (me)


I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday.
I am the girl kicked out of her home, because I confided in my mother I'm a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets, because no one will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of 27 years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had.
I wish they could adopt me.
I am not one of the lucky ones.
I killed myself weeks before graduating high school.
It was just too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us because she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not even allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised.
The court says I am unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to trach gym until somebody told me only lesbians do that.
I am the woman who died when the EMTs stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't always have to deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most: love.
I am the person ashamed to tell my own friends I'm a lesbian, because they constantly make fun of them.
I am the boy tied to the fence, beaten to a bloody pulp and left to die because two straight men wanted to "teach me a lesson".


I reposted because I feel that people should just let it go and be with who they want to be with. That is reason enough for reposting.

Where's Elizabeth? She's safe, just like I promised, she's all set to marry Norrington, just like she promised, and you get to die for her, just like you promised. So we're all men of our words really, except for Elizabeth, who is, in fact, a woman. Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

Stop blowing holes in my ship! -Jack Sparrow

But ... why is the rum gone? Why is the rum always gone? -Jack Sparrow

Just so that all are aware, I'm really just taking these quotes from random quote sites so I apologize if there is more than one of the same quote.

Stupid shiny Volvo owner. -Bella Swan, Twilight

Hey Mr. Grumpy Gills ... you know what you gotta do when life gets you down? Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming swimming ... -Dory, Finding Nemo

I suffer from short term memory loss. No really! It runs in my family ... at least I think it does ... hmmm ... where are they ... (pause) ... Can I help you? -Dory

From now on, you shall refer to me a Sid, Lord of the Flame! Hey Lord of the Flame - your tail's on fire. -Diego

Jack Sparrow: to Weatherby Swann I think we've all arrived at a very special place. Spiritually, ecumenically, grammatically.
Jack Sparrow: I want you to know that I was rooting for you. Know that.
to Commodore Norrington
Jack Sparrow: Elizabeth... it would never have worked between us darling. I'm sorry... Will... nice hat. Friends... This is the day that you will ALWAYS remember as the day that you-
backs up and trips over ledge ... falls over cliff

Norrington: No additional shot nor powder, a compass that doesn't point north,
looks at Jack's sword
Norrington: And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of.
Jack Sparrow: But you have heard of me.

Jack Sparrow: Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.

Will Turner: This is either madness... or brilliance.
Jack Sparrow: It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide.

Dumbledore: What happened down in the dungeon between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So, naturally, the whole school knows. -Harry Potter

Mullroy: What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?
Murtogg: Yeah, and no lies.
Jack Sparrow: Well, then, I confess, it is my intention to commandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out.
Murtogg: I said no lies.
Mullroy: I think he's telling the truth.
Murtogg: If he were telling the truth, he wouldn't have told us.
Jack Sparrow: Unless, of course, he knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if he told it to you. -Pirates of the Carribbean

Oh fine! Let's just haul out our swords and start banging away at each other! That will solve everything! -Pirates of the Carribbean

Between two evils, I always pick the one I've never tried.

Don't be mean to nerds. One day you'll end up working for one.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

The evening news is where they say "Good Evening" and then proceed to tell you that it isn't one.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when its weird.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

"He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron."

"They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?"

People fear the strange and unusual. I am the strange and unusual.

"When other little girls wanted to be ballerinas, I kinda wanted to be a VAMPIRE.

my imaginary friend doesn't like you either

i hate it when the voices argue with my imaginary friends

We can't all be heroes because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

Kid: Why is it raining? Mom: Because God is crying. Kid: Why is God crying? Mom: Probably because of something you did ...

All for one, one for all. Me, well, I'm for myself.

If stupidity got us into this mess, why can't it get us out?

If I were two-faced, why would I be wearing this one? I would be wearing both, walking around and scaring little kids off of the street.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.

Smile. It confuses people.

I ran into my ex the other day, then I put the car in reverse and ran over him again.

I used to hate it when aunts and grandmas, used to come up to me at weddings and pinch my cheeks and say "Your next" "Your next". Well they stopped doin that crap when i started to do it to them at funerals.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head
Pass it on...

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

"Love your enemies! It really pisses them off"

"Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration

"A good friend picks you up when you fall,a best friend picks you up and then trips you again."

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.

They say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly i think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," i don't think many people would be dead...

I'm the kind of person that walks into a door and apologizes.

Runtime error 6D at 417A:32CF: incompetent user.

The world is coming to an end. Please log off.

It said: "For Windows 95 or better" but it wouldn't work on my Linux.

If it happens once, it's a bug. If it happens twice, it's a feature. If it happens more than twice, it's design philosophy.

A penny saved is a penny taxed.

It's always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

It's a catastrophic success!

I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here.

Time is a great teacher. Unfortunately, it eventually kills all its pupils ...

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-"I'm going to try to be me, whoever that is..."

I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

I get good grades, do my homework - and yet I still know nothing.

I'm a little tea pot short and stout. Here is my handle here is my... Well i'll be damned. I'm a sugar bowl.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement imediately.

Officer, I swear to drunk, I'm not God.

SARCASM is just another free service i offer.

I like you. when the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

I'm not ALWAYS late. Sometimes i just don't show up.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. that way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.

I would kill to have wings. I mean, imagine it. Flying over the city, throwing scaring the crap out of people who suddenly look up and see a flying kid ...

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.

Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!

Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.

I’ve got problem for your solution…

Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”

Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.

Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.

All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?

Of course, it’s very easy to be witty tomorrow, after you get a chance to do some research and rehearse your ad libs.

You can’t be late until you show up.

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

We can forgive those who bore us. We cannot forgive those whom we bore.

Experience is the name so many people give to their mistakes.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

I can resist everything except temptation.

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.

Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.

You never learn anything by doing it right.

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.

It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.

If the grass is greener on the other side, you can bet the water bill is higher.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

I once prayed to god for a car, but quickly found out he didnt work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit.

It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.

A lot of beautiful people are stupid. There’s a tremendous amount of idiots who look so good. It’s frightening.

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.

As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error.

Being stupid is its own reward

Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything.

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.

Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change.

STUPID = Smart Talented Unique Person In Demand

With fame I become more and more stupid, which of course is a very common phenomenon.

I say no to drugs, but they don’t listen.

If aliens are looking for intelligent life, WHY THE HECK ARE YOU SCARED?!

The government is not doing enough about cleaning up the environment. This is a good planet.

Sure, it’s going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.

I have opinions of my own –strong opinions– but I don’t always agree with them.

The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.

Stop being so stupid.. it’s my turn.

I don’t think anyone should write his autobiography until after he’s dead.

If you have noticed this notice you will have noticed that this notice is not worth noticing

When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” Don’t answer him

You can’t just let nature run wild.

I cannot tell you how grateful I am — I am filled with humidity.

The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others.

Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.

Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don’t compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest.

A friend is someone who is there for you when he’d rather be somewhere else.

Only your real friends tell you when your face is dirty.

The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.

Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.

A road to a friend’s house is never long.

I’ve always said that in politics, your enemies can’t hurt you, but your friends will kill you.

Count your age with friends but not with years.

A true friend sticks with you through thick and thin no matter what. But through the hard, on the other hand ... just don't try a brick wall.

When a friend is in trouble, don’t annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

Friendship doubles your joys, and divides your sorrows.

When you die, if you’ve got five real friends, then you’ve had a great life.

True friendship is when two friends can walk in opposite directions, yet remain side by side.

Your friend is the person who knows all about you, and still like you.

A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.

True friendship is like sound health, the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.

Everyone is a friend, until they prove otherwise.

Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life.

To be depressed is to be lonely; to have a friend is to be happy.

Who finds a faithful friend, finds a treasure.

Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart.

Friends never make assumptions about you. They never expect a reason to go out with you. In fact friends only expect you to be you.

Your friends are what will matter in the end.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Don't be so humble - you're not that great.

It is time that I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.

People who say anything is possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from many.

FATAL ERROR: Size of thought exceeds available memory.

I wrote your name in the sky, but the wind blew it away. I wrote your name in the sand, but the waves splashed it away. I wrote your name in my heart, and it lasted forever.

The real trouble with reality is that there's no background music.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit...

The best things in the world are free -- and worth every penny of it.

Psychology. Mind over matter. Mind under matter? It doesn't matter. Never mind.

I pledge allegiance to the internet and to the principle of end-to-end connectivity for which it stands. One network, under construction, with liberty and access for all.

My programs never have bugs, they just develop random 32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1-bit of competition

Who's General Failure & why is he reading my disk?

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue...

WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.

Emo kids have cool hair.

EMO = Extravagantly Made Origami

Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Let's flip a coin. Heads, We'll be together, tails, we'll flip again.

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

Was that an earthquake, or did i just rock your world?

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Why are the Force and ducktape the same? both have a light and a dark side and hold the universe together.

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep until noon

Don't call me emo or I'll cry big juicy tears of blood and pain and then I'l die and it will all be YOUR FAULT.

Your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend.

I don't suffer from insanity, i enjoy every minute of it.

Don't frown, even when you're sad, someone could be falling in love with your smile.

You have to have darkness for a dawn to come.

Last night i looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason i love you. I was doing fine until I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

The town was so dull that when the tide went out it refused to come back in.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

A smile is the shortest distance between two people

Tell the truth and run.

All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important. School however, is another matter.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as the go by.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic ... maybe we should have amateurs build everything.

Music is love in search of word.

It's a fusion of Jazz and funk - is it called 'Junk'?

If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit?

Are children who act in 'R' rated moves allowed to see them?

Why is it when an adult with the mind of a child is locked up and put in a asylum, while children are allowed to run in the streets?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow ans say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out." ?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt."?

Isn't Disneyland just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?'

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in 'mother in law', they come out to 'Woman Hitler'?

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures'?

Why is chocolate considered a vegetable if chocolate comes from the cocoa bean and all beans are vegetables?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are crazy?

Why is it when some products you have to turn upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn down?

Why do people say ,"you can't have your cake and eat it too" when no one would have a cake if they can't eat it?

When life hands you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade.

Assassinations is an extreme form of censorship.

Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Always forgive our enemies - nothing annoys them so much.

If everything seems to be going well, you obviously overlooked something.

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, and then kill them.

Don't mess with me I've got a stick.

He said, "I love you" , I laughed and said, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit."

I'll be rich and famous when I invent something that will stab people over the internet.

Of course I'm talking to myself. who else can i trust?

Let me know if anything i say offends you - I might want to offend you later.

One way to figure out how things work: push all the buttons!

When i say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!

I smile because i have no idea what's going on.

Life was so simple when boys had cooties.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I ran with scissors and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

I don't obsess! I think intensely.

Stupid shiny Volvo owner. (Twilight! Woot Woot!)

The greatest challenge in life is to find someone who knows all your flaws, differences, and mistakes, and yet still sees the best in you.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real.

I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.

Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?

Come join the dark side. (We have Edward Cullen)

All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.

Don’t mess with me I've got a stick

If you are on for some other reason than writing pure romance fics or totally rearranging the original story because some slash romance story didn't happen, copy this and paste it onto your profile.

My favorite word is sarcasm.

It's a matter of life after death-now that he's dead, I have a life

Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public

I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have

There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.

Oops, I appear to have fallen on your lips.

Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.

Somebody needs a Happy Meal.

Music is like candy-you throw away the rappers.

I would be more scared if you were aiming for the person next to me

Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again

Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way

My heart is not a playground

I find "good morning" a contradiction of terms

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

P.S I never changed, I just got tired of pretending I was happy.

Dear Heart, I met a boy today, prepare to shatter.

If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.

If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you.

Twilight: because we all secretly own two copies.

Love can come in many different colours.

Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?

We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls, we're really good at one thing, staying strong.

It wasn't a dark and stormy night. It should have been, but that's weather for you. For every mad scientist who's had a convenient thunderstorm just on the night his Great Work is finished and lying on the slab, there have been dozens who've sat around aimlessly under peaceful stars while Igor clocks up the overtime."

What is easy is not always right, and what is right is not always easy.

Guns don't kill people. I do.

If you can't see he bright side of life, polish the dull side

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him 5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her 50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him 5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde 50.00

The blonde put the 50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him 5.


If you've met your not-blood related twin (in resemblance or personality), copy/paste onto profile.

A friend helps you up when you fall a best friend continues walking while saying, "Walk much dumbass?"

Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days".

A good friend bails you out of jail. A great friend is sitting there next to you saying "Man, that was fun!"

Good friends will share their umbrella. Best friends will take yours and say "RUN, BEEP, RUN"

Good friends will wipe your tears when you're rejected. Best friends will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

Diamonds are precious and so are pearls, but nothing is better then me and my girls.

Enemies stab you in front, friends stab you in the back, boy stab you in the heart, but best friends are there to stab those @&#' s right back.

Mystery Twilight Voice-- you can look her up on youtube

they've got those amazing looks
told every lie in the books
to make a nice meal out of you
because they don't sleep they run
and they play baseball for fun
and sometimes watch all the things you do

because the garlic don't work
they're gonna give you a smirk
cause they got methods of keeping you quiet
they gonna rip off your heads
your aspirations to shreds
you better believe even if you don't buy it

They said that Vampire's Scare
the living shit out of me
they could care less as long as someone'll bleed
so darken your clothes
or strike a violent pose '
maybe they'll leave you alone
but not me

They boys and girls in coven
the got that vampire lovin
they're never gonna fit in much kid
but if your troubled and hurt
all you gotta do is convert
and make them pay for the things that they did

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> can> > >>> > >> Raed this, you have a sgtrane mnid too> > >>> > >> Can you raed
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> > >> COPY AND PASTE ONLY IF YOU CAN READ IT> > >>> > >> --> > >>> >

thiz iz kewl! ~

Take Time To Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line

Heaven doesn't wan't me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over.If this is true for you, copy this onto your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus,copy this onto your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ninety-three percent of the teen population would die if Hannah Montanna or The Simpsons said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this if you would be part of the seven percent that'd be LAUGHING YOUR BUTT OFF!

If someone actually thinks that you are evil and/or plotting their death, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile

If you think that people who don't like PJO are crazy/stupid/losers, copy this into yor profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think those kids should just give the Rabbit his cereal put this in your profile!

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or pulled the handle on a door that said push copy this into your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe teenagers are steryotyped, put this on your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile

If you have an annoying younger--or older-- sibling, please copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have run up and down an escalator copy and paste this into your profile. ( yeah it's fun!! )

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you complain that your feet r cold, so your mom tells u to put on socks, but u never do just for the sake of being stubborn, copy this into ur profile

My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

98 percent of the teenage population does or has tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do, copy this in your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you have ever tripped when there was a "watch your step" sign copy and paste this into your profile.

1F Y0U C4N UND3R574ND 7H15 M355463 C0PY 17 4ND P4573 17 1N70 Y0UR PR0F1L3.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever changed your password on something and forgotten it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you sometimes talk to yourself copy and paste this onto your profile.

Copy and paste this into your profile if you and your BFFs watch movies just to laugh at them and make fun of them.

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you like smiley faces, then copy this into your profile:D

If you are a total clutz copy this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy this in your profile.

If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile!

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious preppy people PLEASE copy this in your profile.

If you and your friends have a nickname, title, or anything else for each other, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If keyboards hate you copy and paste this into your profile! (Especially the FREAKING CAPS LOCK!)

If you are insanely obsessed with Percy Jackson & the Olympians, copy and paste this into your profile

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile

if you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get, like, two reviews, copy this into your profile.

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then copy and paste this in your profile.


Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?

Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

My Personal Alternate Names

1. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle): Ashizzle

2. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (color and animal): Black Bunny

3. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name): Brianne Thompson(cool)

4. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, last 3 letters of mom's maiden name): CraAsLuk (Weird) TodJpit

5. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (color, drink): Black Monster

6. YOUR ARAB NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name): Sanoamnse(uhh) Odiiede

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mothers middle name): Michelle

8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets): Black Venus

9. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (fruit, and something that can go wrong) Mango Fall

10. YOUR PIRATE NAME: (color, pirate accessory) Black Ship

just read it!

"I'll hold it and you light the fuse." Famous Last Words

"'re a cannibal." Famous last words.

"My karma ran over my dogma." bumper sticker

"You know what the trouble about real life is? There's no danger music." Jim Carrey ( so true )

"He who stands on a windowsill to see how far out he can lean without falling is a moron."

"Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much"

"I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder."

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." –Bill Watterson

"When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets."

"They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance?"

"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns

"I can't die, because I'm the main character of my own life."

"I'm the kind of person your parents warned you about."

"Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright." ( only some of them my brother is one of them except he's not really fun to watch )

"I am a bomb technician. If you see me running try and keep up!"

"Every fight's a food fight when you're a cannibal!"

40 Secrets about yourself.
Be honest no matter what. (Taken at 11:08am)

One have you ever been asked out?

two where did you get your default picture?

three what's your middle name?

four your current relationship status?
I'm a gf

five does your crush like you back?
as a freind

sixwhat is your current mood?
bored out of my mind

seven what color of underwear are you wearing?

eight what color shirt are you wearing?
Black and White

nine Missing something?
useable scissors

ten if you could go back in time and change something, what would you change?
I would have changed my desision to leave my old school

eleven if you must be an animal for one day, what?
kitten-- nobody can truly hate a kitten

twelve ever had a near death experience?
yup-- twice. one in fire and one in water

thirteen something you do a lot?
daydream-- when I'm not daydreaming, i'm litteraly not thinking

fourteen the song stuck in your head?
Last Christmas by Ashley Tisdale

fifteen who did you copy and paste this from?
some girl on

sixteen name someone with the same birthday as YOU?
my bffs teacher

seventeen when was the last time you cried?
this morning (December 19, 2008)

eighteen have you ever sung in front of a large audience?

Yeah and it was great!

nineteen if you could have one super power what would it be?
to read peoples minds-- i like to know stuff... plus it would be kewl

twenty what's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
They aren't female... lol

twenty-one what do you usually order from starbucks?
Green Tea Frapacheeno (spelling?)

twenty-two what's your biggest secret?
it would NOT be a secret if I told u now would it?

twenty-three favorite color?

twenty-four do you still watch kiddie shows or tv shows?
only occasionaly-- like full house and family matters and the secret life of the american teenager

twenty-six what are you?
not human-- you wanna know what I am? I wount tell you... in the words of Edward Cullen "I hope you enjoy disapointment"

twenty-seven do you speak any other language?
English (1) and Chinese (2)

twenty-eight what's your favorite smell?
the smell of fried chicken frying-- it is intoxicating

twenty-nine Describe your life in one word what would it be?

thirty-one have you ever kissed in the rain?
no not yet-- i dont really feel like getting a cold

thirty-two what are you thinking about right now?
I'm, thinking that my friend Loren just IMed me

thirty-three what should you be doing?
i dont even know

thirty-four who was the last person that made you upset/angry?

thirty-five how often do u talk to God ?
almost every day

thirty-six do you like working in the yard?

thirty-seven if you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Shay-- then I'd be related to Carly and Spencer-- from iCarly

thirty-eight do you act differently around the person you like ?
Yeah-- I act nice

thirty-nine what is your natural hair color?
brownish blonde

forty who was the last person to make you cry?
My mother

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I only lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. I only wish this were true, but my mother won't even let me get one lock D=

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you live in your own little world, copy and paste.

If it doesn't matter that you live in your own little world because they know you there, copy and paste.

Ninety-five percent of children are concerned with being popular and fitting in. if you are part of the five percent who aren't, copy this and put it in your profile

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you love FANFICTION.NET, add your name and copy and paste this into your profile. Rainstorm007, mysterys, Adderstar, Glissoning Raven, Aleksandrya Gregonovitch, freakily obsessed Yassen fan, True Colours, Flys Through Water

Copy and pastes courtesy of Freakily Obsessed Yassen Fan

If you have ever fallen up a flight of stairs, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, (actually I have) Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Tsuyu Mikazuki (I do all the time!), WeaselChick, Celyna ( i fall up the steps to school every time i go up them... sadly...), SSAHC, Sanoon, Phantom-Flames, Leopardheart (just once, but still...), Littlwhisker (I do it all the time so get over it) Sakeraa (I blame it on my new sandals), Katklaws (multiple times, actually)Rainstorm007 (It’s just a tiny, little, big problem, gosh!) mysterys (sadly, mysterys is guilty), Adderstar(actually it was a half a flight of stairs, but it was humiliating enough. And painful...), alansquill (guilty as charged... how I do it, I have no idea) True Colours (I also once fell down a flight of stairs in a crowded shopping centre...people nearly saw a corpse!), Flys Through Water (Does on and escalator count? If not, still, yes)

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang+Iggy from maximum ride, Edward+Jasper from twilight!), teeny-weeny-munchkin (it's...he' I can't say!!) True Colours (Hey, they can never reject you, only Alex Rider just stole Yassen from my head...which cannot be normal...curses) Flys Through Water (Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Jasper Hale, Alex Rider, Luke Garner, Jesse de Silva, Paul Slater (Twilight, Breaking Dawn, New Moon, Alex Rider Adventures, Shadow Children Series, Shadowland, Darkest Hour))

~98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile. ~

If you are obssessed with Fire, copy and paste this to your profile and sign your name so that we know that we're not the only pyromaniacs here.: RulerofFire, Adderstar of ValorClan, alansquill, True Colours, Flys Through Water

If you love gazing out at the stars and the moon, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think up stories faster than you can write them and are too lazy to do that for most of them anyway, copy this to your profile and add your name to the list so I know I'm not the only one: alansquill, True Colours, Flys Through Water

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, danceswithwings119, scarilyobsessed, teeny-weeny-munchkin, True Colours, Flys Through Water

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the complete biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework insted of doing it. Crazy is when you act completly well crazy and make a total fool of yourself and not even care. Crazy is when you dedicate your entire being(every cell in your body) to Twilight, Maximum Ride, and fanfiction. Crazy is when you go on about your favourite pairings on fanfiction and no one has any idea what you are talking about. crazy iz when you shout "YAY" for no apparent reason in the middle of a maths test (soo embarassing by the way - try to resist) Crazy is when you suggest to the cool girls that they come in to school without makeup. Crazy is what will set the world to rights. Crazy is when you think of Twilight, while using a we-gee board, then get busted by the ghost later(it really sux, so don't try it). If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you too are on the Quest for General Awesomness, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have already found General Awesomness, or were born with it, copy and paste this to your profile and add your name to the list. Flys_Through_Water,

If you have suddenly and mysteriously lost the ability to type, or another vital skill, copy and paste.

If you have ever thought: I cannot do this, and thendone it, copy and paste, and add you name and the scenario to the list. TrueColours, singing a solo, Flys Through Water, read a book more then ten times (Eclipse from the Twilight Sage-- btw I read it thirteen times)

If Yassen Gregorovich is somehow involved in 90 per cent of your day-to-day thoughts, copy and paste.

If you have no idea who Boromir is, copy and paste, then PM me and I will explain! And then you will know so when people reading your profile PM you, you can tell them, and that way we shall Spread the Word.

Kumbayah, my Lord, kumbayah...

Yeah, my mind is a dark and twisted place.

My parents are always telling me to cool down and take a break when I'm dancing around the house, and I'm like, why should I take a break at home when that's what I go to school for!

Okay, so my friend Melissa was over, and we love the jonas brothers. I have a poster of them on my wall. So mel and I were looking at them, and she notices that they all have at least one freckle on each of their necks.>>> Freckled Necked Jonas Trio(group of three): Three freckled necks, more than three freckles! (you really had to be there)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Curse the Darkness by Ajestice reviews
He had originally intended to kill her; she was far too beautiful to live when he was so hideous. But when he came to her in the dead of night, she spoke to him. And so began the love that would slowly heal his soul and make him truly, desperately human.
Frankenstein - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 34 - Words: 93,912 - Reviews: 440 - Favs: 327 - Follows: 219 - Updated: 10/20/2014 - Published: 5/30/2008 - Frankenstein Monster - Complete
Not Who You Thought by Golden Vampire Eyes reviews
Someone comes to visit Bella after the Cullens vanished from her life. What happens nine months later when she's pregnant and the father is not who she thought? I'm revising this story and trying to improve it. Please read!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 51 - Words: 97,513 - Reviews: 806 - Favs: 566 - Follows: 285 - Updated: 10/10/2014 - Published: 9/14/2008 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Meet Your Daddy by Golden Vampire Eyes reviews
Bella finds out she's pregnant, but Edward never wanted kids. She makes an irrational decision that changes lives. REVISED 06/2014 ALTERNATE ENDING! I changed it after revising my chapters! Please re-read!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 24,163 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 7/7/2014 - Published: 6/22/2008 - Complete
Days Missed by bellasaurus-rex reviews
Bella can't seem to find seem to find herself after Edward left.Ignores most of New Moon.What happens when Jake helps hold her together but seems to go to far to fast and pushes Bella farther than Edward ever has.-Story Forever Incomplete
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 8,292 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 5/29/2012 - Published: 6/23/2008 - Bella, Edward
Saddle Up and Giddy Up by Golden Vampire Eyes reviews
AU, AH, Charlie and Renée Swan own a horse ranch in Montana. Bella has been around horses all her life, a true country girl. Diablo Ranch gives lessons on their 25,000 acres of land. The Cullen’s show up at the ranch. Is this a love story, or a friendship
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Western/Friendship - Chapters: 15 - Words: 26,210 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 2/19/2012 - Published: 2/16/2009 - Bella
Werewolf Girl Or Vampire Girl? by queen alyss heart 17 reviews
Bella is a sister to a pack of werewolves.She meets a cult of vampires and falls in love with one of them. Suddenly she has to pick between family and her one love.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 25 - Words: 36,356 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 4/28/2011 - Published: 11/24/2007
The Life I Keep by glittersniffer.xx reviews
When Edward left Bella was diagnosed with leukemia and starting writing songs hoping to gain his attention. With help from the Cullens will Bella get the closure she desires before its too late and how will Edward react to the news of his love dying? ExB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,039 - Reviews: 118 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 173 - Updated: 3/9/2011 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Bella, Edward
Wings of a Guardian Angel by Crazy Twilight Lover reviews
Edward is a human teenager who is abused by his step-parents. Bella is a Guardian Angel on a mission to save him. The only problem is, they fall in love. And their love is forbidden and can cost a life...Hiatus
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,444 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 11/10/2010 - Published: 7/15/2008 - Bella, Edward
I Say We Shoot Cupid and See How He Likes It by Edward's Necrophiliac reviews
Bella is an employee at Victoria's Secret. When a sexy Dr. Edward Cullen shows up, she can't help but ogle him. But wait! What the heck is Edward doing at Victoria's Secret? AH.OOC.LEMONS!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,900 - Reviews: 813 - Favs: 323 - Follows: 411 - Updated: 3/14/2010 - Published: 11/9/2008
Project Hope by SRWM reviews
After going to hell and back, Isabella Swan is sent to live with a new foster family. Her parents are dead, she's a victim of many horrid things, all she wants is to find her brother, she has three sadistic killers after her. Can she get her life back?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 19 - Words: 24,575 - Reviews: 804 - Favs: 300 - Follows: 438 - Updated: 2/15/2010 - Published: 6/9/2008 - Bella
White Lilies by reincarnatedcrazybutterfly reviews
EXB. Dr. Carlisle Cullen and his family decided to spend their summer at the rainiest place they could find – Forks. Then one day Dr. Cullen got introduced to the new nurse. Much to his surprise they met before. “Hello Dr. Cullen. I’m Isabella Swan.”
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 42,293 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 422 - Follows: 98 - Updated: 2/4/2010 - Published: 5/15/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Say All I Need by reincarnatedcrazybutterfly reviews
SONGFIC. Noncanon. Set in New Moon, three months after Edward left, Bella was taking a drive when she noticed a CD left in her not-yet-destroyed stereo. Deciding to listen to it, she hears a familiar voice singing a song that was definitely for her.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,422 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 140 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 2/4/2010 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
A change of fate by Jasperella reviews
Instead of Edward being the odd man out, Jasper is. Jasper and Alice never got together, but are best friends, and Alice is with Edward. Bella Swan moves to forks, can she conquer Jaspers heart? What happens when past figures come back to play?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 36,729 - Reviews: 281 - Favs: 188 - Follows: 219 - Updated: 12/21/2009 - Published: 6/18/2008 - Bella, Jasper
Not what you expected by xYomix reviews
Edward left Bella in New Moon, but now she is back and this time, it's to save the Cullen's. But Bella is not that same as she used to be. With a new life, a new friend, and a new existance, will she and Edward ever be togeather again? First Fan fiction
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 41,215 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 104 - Updated: 9/12/2009 - Published: 5/19/2008 - Bella, Edward
You Grew Up In The 90's If by Aspen-SiredBySpike reviews
A series of ficlets and drabbles based on fads only a real 90's child would admire.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 50 - Words: 10,903 - Reviews: 1443 - Favs: 205 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 8/29/2009 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Complete
A Teacher's Sin REDONE by Amber is a Jasper's girl reviews
Edward Cullen is twenty-five, and he teaches chemistry at Forks High...Bella Swan is seventeen, she is a straight A student and attends Forks High...What happens when Edward has feelings for Bella? This is Indigenousbleu's idea *Amber*
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 11 - Words: 6,598 - Reviews: 253 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 144 - Updated: 7/22/2009 - Published: 8/18/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Incest Holds the Family Together by Edward's Necrophiliac reviews
Bella and Edward are cousins. After a family reunion, their platonic relationship begins to change. Is Bella really incestrous for her cousin, Edward? Or is there more behind their family history? Bella's POV!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,844 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 7/17/2009 - Published: 6/8/2009
Stoically Stitched by Rosette-Cullen reviews
Bella's kept a secret that's eaten away at her. After a self-inflicted injury, she's put into a hospital that tests her strength. She'll find out who she can trust, and who she needs to stay away from. A darker fic.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 16 - Words: 68,545 - Reviews: 832 - Favs: 965 - Follows: 414 - Updated: 7/8/2009 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Ways To Piss Off Emmett Cullen by Crazy Twilight Lover reviews
Basically what the title says. Alice finds ways to tick off her brother to the point that he loses his sanity. What will the evil pixie do next to poor, unsuspecting Emmett? Rated T for safety. Hiatus
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 18,928 - Reviews: 271 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 5/22/2009 - Published: 6/22/2008 - Alice, Emmett
Gotta love the Bear by Amber is a Jasper's girl reviews
Ok this is for LILWL's challenge! It's Emmett/Bella! PLEASE Give it a try! Along with my other stories! Amber
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 16,847 - Reviews: 231 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 5/2/2009 - Published: 6/2/2008 - Emmett, Bella - Complete
A Teachers Sin VERSION 1 by Amber is a Jasper's girl reviews
Edward Cullen a 25 year old is teaching at forks High. There he falls in love with his sweet as pie, straight A student-Bella Swan, age 17. What happens when they get caught? This is Indigenousbleu's idea! Amber
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 2,677 - Reviews: 94 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 5/2/2009 - Published: 5/29/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Welcome Back, Jasper by Brittany1224 reviews
What if it was Jasper that came back, not Alice. He brings depressing news. Will Bella be able to fall for Jasper after what Edward did to her? Will Jasper feel the same way about Bella? Takes place during NM, after Edward left Bella. COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,230 - Reviews: 171 - Favs: 214 - Follows: 130 - Updated: 4/4/2009 - Published: 12/16/2008 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Twisted Transistor by Wolf-Girl-Loves-WareWolf reviews
New moon. What is Edward doing, is James still after him. The end of New moon approaches! Please read and review! This story is Twisted, expect weird things. Some names are spelled wrong I know, it was my old comp my new one spells rightly. RxR
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 37 - Words: 117,593 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 3/28/2009 - Published: 5/29/2008 - Bella, Edward
Blind Side by tiha01 reviews
-A Vampire Academy FanFic- Rose and Dimitri's relationship is once more pushed to the limits; and Adrian sees this as the perfect opportunity to make his move. adrianXroseXdimitri
Vampire Academy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,426 - Reviews: 132 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 138 - Updated: 3/1/2009 - Published: 6/25/2008
Everything Goes On by StoriesUndone reviews
Wanda/Ian romantic moments. Wanda and Melanie are best friends. So Mel tries to convince Wanda to give her the low down on her love life with Ian. Wanda is kind of freaked out because of raids after so many false alarms, and Ian comforts her. Please R/R!
Host - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,483 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 2/21/2009 - Published: 7/17/2008
Growing Up and Left Behind by xYomix reviews
Bella’s parents were killed and the Cullen’s adopted her. She grew up and found love with her once big brother Edward. Now alone, after the Cullen’s left to give her a normal human life, she is being stalked by a group of vampires full sum inside BXE R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 10 - Words: 15,376 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 121 - Updated: 2/11/2009 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Bella, Edward
Schoolgirls & Punishment by Edward's Necrophiliac reviews
Bella has been a naughty little schoolgirl. The principal decides he needs to punish her. But when he means 'punishment' he doesn't mean detention. R&R Please! ExB Now a series of smuty filled lemons :D
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,771 - Reviews: 143 - Favs: 331 - Follows: 130 - Updated: 1/22/2009 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Silver moon by TheSneakyHobo reviews
a coven of witchs come to forks.bella befriends the youngest while trying to figure out her secret.not your normal type of witch.set near the start of eclipse.New vampires and magicial creatures.First fan fiction!PLEASE R&R.Same couples Em/R B/E J/A.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,045 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 11/29/2008
Friends from the past by Golden Vampire Eyes reviews
One month away from the wedding. Bella finds some old photos of friends. Grace, Emma, and Justin come out to Forks for a month and a half. What happens when you have your old boyfriend who you still love and your vampire fiancee in one town?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 14,739 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 12/30/2008 - Published: 8/24/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Life With Ian by tiwi2006 reviews
Wanda Is Pregnant, Laying in bed after having told Ian, who was over joyed, he askes her to marry him. Sexual content, be warned. First FanFic, please Comment.
Host - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 14,594 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 12/20/2008 - Published: 7/11/2008
Emmett's dirty little secret by Golden Vampire Eyes reviews
I yelled out before Emmett could tackle me. Everyone busted out into hysterics. Esme and Carlisle just had disgusted expressions on their pale faces. Emmett turned a few shades paler.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,378 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 12 - Published: 11/13/2008 - Emmett, Edward - Complete
Her Space Heater by tragicromance reviews
Set in Eclipse, with Jacob and Bella in the tent together. What if Edward wasn't in the tent to begin with? Jacob keeps Bella warm... *Jacob/Bella*
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,809 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 248 - Follows: 116 - Updated: 11/11/2008 - Published: 7/6/2008 - Jacob, Bella - Complete
Perfection by jaLEXIam reviews
Rosalie/Emmett. Rosalie leads the ideal life until a trumatic occurance causes her life to change forever. She struggles to find her fairytale once more. Follows Rosalie from human to vampire to Emmett. Will contain lemons and a rape scene.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,414 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 11/5/2008 - Published: 8/12/2008 - Rosalie, Emmett
Cullen Carnival by GeronimoPond reviews
The Cullens hit the carnival. Emmett pigs out, Jasper freaks out, Carlisle and Esme make out- what! Some all-around good, wholesome Cullen-y goodness! All Vamps, a tad OOC in some parts. M for some future chapters, maybe...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,384 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 11/2/2008 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Edward, Bella
Blessings by twilightfan4life92 reviews
After Edward leaves, Bella dates and ends up marrying a new student named Matt. He turns out to be abusive and, after being almost killed, Bella goes to the hospital. Her doctor is Carlisle. He desides to bring Bella to The Cullen Home for protection. EXB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 31 - Words: 62,646 - Reviews: 676 - Favs: 534 - Follows: 259 - Updated: 10/26/2008 - Published: 8/9/2008 - Complete
Heaven In The Middle Of Hell by tragicromance reviews
Set in Twilight when Alice, Jasper and Bella are in the hotel together. Alice and Jasper keep Bella occupied... *Alice/Bella/Jasper* OneShot
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,355 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 290 - Follows: 70 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Alice, Bella - Complete
Romeo and Juliet by BeccaBear93 reviews
Sana and Akito are chosen as the stars of their school play… Romeo and Juliet. Will their story have a happy ending? Or will it be as tragic as their play? DISCONTINUED
Kodomo No Omocha - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,475 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 8/29/2008 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Akito, Sana
Dance Dance Revolution: Smexy Style by Edward's Necrophiliac reviews
Bella and the Cullens go to a new arcade in Port-Angeles. Edward and Bella play DDR, but what happens when Edward can't control himself while watching Bella dance? ExB Smut.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,743 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 27 - Published: 8/18/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Interrupted by jaLEXIam reviews
OneShot. Rosalie/Emmett. Rosalie works on her car, but finds that she is stopped by a very eager Emmett. Lemon.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 962 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 12 - Published: 8/10/2008 - Rosalie, Emmett - Complete
Play Doh by jaLEXIam reviews
OneShot. Nessie and Jacob enjoy the wonderous world of Play - Doh.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 597 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/8/2008 - Jacob - Complete
The Last Stand by CocoaSampson reviews
AU AH: Bella has been friends with Edward for awhile. But when insecurities get the best of her, she seems to lose the one thing she cares about: him.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 23,587 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 87 - Updated: 8/2/2008 - Published: 2/19/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dense Girl by RKgirl93 reviews
Akito passes his black belt test and finally tells Sana his feelings. fluffy SanaAkito. oneshot
Kodomo No Omocha - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,790 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 7 - Published: 8/2/2008 - Complete
Kidnapped by reviews
Alternated ending. Jamie does something incredibly reckless, and dangerous, but what surprises everyone is who is with him.
Host - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,445 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/30/2008 - Complete
But I Love You by best with breadsticks reviews
Ian, emotional due to Wanda's plans to leave, convinces her to have one last human experience with him before she leaves. And once Melanie is free of Wanda, Melanie is now charged with carry thier deed.
Host - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,721 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 7/28/2008 - Published: 7/12/2008
Every rose has its thorn by pexylexy reviews
Although Bella tries to hide it, Jasper can feel it. jasper/bella
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 535 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 43 - Published: 7/17/2008 - Jasper, Bella - Complete
Some Things Just Don't Go According To Plan by glittersniffer.xx reviews
Bella went missing the day before Edward was supposed to leave in New Moon. Bella was only missing for 3 weeks when she was presumed dead. It's been 10 years and the Cullens see a girl who looks alot like Bella. Is it really her or just some human? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,065 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 7/11/2008 - Published: 6/17/2008
Misunderstood by Golden Vampire Eyes reviews
What happens when Bella finds Edward cheating on her? But what if he wasn't. Bella goes down to La Push and something bad happens. After New Moon. But Jake barely became a werewolf. Rated for Language, Rape, Sexual content. BxE, AxJ, EmXR, CxEs BxD.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 29,791 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 121 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 7/11/2008 - Published: 6/29/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Raid by xiao chan reviews
Melanie and Wanda have...special needs. How in the world can they explain it to the boys?
Host - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,279 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 33 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Complete
Hush, Little Baby by BeccaBear93 reviews
When Sana gets pregnant and then loses contact with Akito, what will happen? DISCONTINUED
Kodomo No Omocha - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,157 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 7/6/2008 - Published: 6/3/2008 - Akito, Sana
It would be simple by tragicromance reviews
What if Bella had acted on her feelings for Jacob sooner? Short Jacob/Bella. OneShot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,420 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 93 - Follows: 29 - Published: 7/5/2008 - Jacob, Bella - Complete
Jasper's Shock by OldRuins reviews
When everyone but Bella, Edward, and Jasper are out hunting and Jasper goes up to Carlisle's office to get a book, but before he goes in he hears a comprmising conversation going on between Bella and Edward. *funny innuendo*
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 741 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 136 - Follows: 26 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Complete
Home Alone by Mrs Ronald Weasley reviews
Jasper and Bella are home alone. Jasper/Bella. Rating for sexual content. Co-authored with eskaybeki. This was an IM RP that we decided to make into a fic, so it might be slightly OOC. DON'T LIKE? DON'T READ!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,424 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 397 - Follows: 94 - Published: 6/30/2008 - Bella, Jasper - Complete
Green Eyes by ashlice reviews
We all know that Edward's human eye color was green. What happens when they turn green and irreversible things are reversed? Completely Edward/Bella. Rated T because of mild adult themes.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 21,990 - Reviews: 485 - Favs: 406 - Follows: 223 - Updated: 6/22/2008 - Published: 5/29/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Flesh of My Soul by best with breadsticks reviews
OneShot Jacob and Bella have one night of lust together, which leaves Bella pregnant. She has to now confess to Edward her deed. How will this change everything for her and him?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,377 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/16/2008 - Complete
What's Up? by Miss Juice reviews
poem about life i think it probably describes bella after edward left but im not realy sure
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Poetry/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 161 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/16/2008 - Complete
50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen by Hauptmann Holmes reviews
The STORY version of 50 Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen. From Alice's POV. Hope you like it. Rated T for... strange things. COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 35 - Words: 14,595 - Reviews: 716 - Favs: 302 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 6/9/2008 - Published: 10/11/2007 - Complete
Cheetos by Aspen-SiredBySpike reviews
Jared surprises Melanie with one of her favorite things.
Host - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 402 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 12 - Published: 6/4/2008 - Jared H., Melanie S./Mel - Complete
Cullen Kareoke by EdwardCullenOwnsMySoul reviews
Bella's singing in the shower gives Edward an idea. Please read and review. Some Eclipse spoilers!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,120 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 12/31/2007 - Published: 10/7/2007 - Complete
Things to do with Jacob while he’s asleep by Iamwiththewolf reviews
Oh, Bella, you naughty girl! 'slaps her fingers' WARNING: Not for leechlovers! Some people might call Chapter 3 gross. Me too.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,991 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 94 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 12/9/2007 - Published: 11/7/2007 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
Can You Feel Me Now? by Iamwiththewolf reviews
Jasper teaches Jacob how to handle the newborns. Oh, well, and then... Jasper x Jacob SLASH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,588 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 111 - Follows: 25 - Published: 11/24/2007 - Jasper, Jacob - Complete
50 ways to annoy Voldemort by Hauptmann Holmes reviews
yes there are about 200 of these but... I couldn't resist.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 553 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 7 - Published: 5/24/2007 - Voldemort, Draco M. - Complete
From the Mouth of a Dragon by Ivydoll reviews
Complete. MalchiorRaven. Some sexual themes. A new light on the whole thing; the power of books and words. Tidied: 21Feb12
Teen Titans - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 10 - Words: 18,761 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 3/5/2005 - Published: 2/9/2005 - Raven, Malchior - Complete
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Mix It Up redue reviews
After the mix up and horror in London, Bella and Alex are living in Florida with their two kids. Everything seems fine until they get a visit from the past Bella wanted to leave behind, trying to protect her babies. R&R
Crossover - Alex Rider & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,456 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 2/18/2011 - Published: 3/25/2010 - Alex R./Cub, Bella
Mix It Up London style reviews
Bella moves from Forks to London when her father is killed in Seattle during Eclipse. When she moves she meets 14 year old Alex Rider. But when Edward and Jacob find out that she is in danger can they find her before the danger can? Or not? plz R R
Crossover - Alex Rider & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,402 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 3/25/2010 - Published: 6/26/2008 - Jacob
Unusable Hosts reviews
Mel Jared and Jamie meet a soul named Wanda who is in love with Ian! when the group of 5 meets some supernatural beings from old stories, they can't halp but think about the current users of their world. normal parings, vamps, wolfs humans R&R
Crossover - Twilight & Host - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,613 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 3/23/2010 - Published: 7/13/2008 - Edward, Ian O.
Attacking exLove reviews
Bella has been dating Jacob Black since they were both 12. Bella meets Edward and he minipulates her into loveing him and not Jacob, who is his enemy. Bella and Jacob are always pretending to be in danger, but when one of them really is what will they do
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,973 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 10/21/2009 - Published: 6/27/2008 - Bella, James