Hullo to anyone who's reading this wondering where I've been... Been gone for a good while now and while I'm not sure if I want to continue writing just yet, I spotted someone asking me in PMs if I was alright, when I checked one of my alt email accounts... and then spotted several more people asking the same question when I logged in here.

So well, yeah, I'm good.

For anyone who cares about why I've been gone, the short story is that I'm easily distracted.

The long story is that around covid-ish (dates have gotten hazy since it has been years) I had a back injury. (Technically it was a hip injury but it manifested in my back as constant pain that would move up and down, making it difficult to figure out.) I tried to get it fixed with physical therapy, but the usual "your abs/butt/back must be weak" they told me was of zero help, so I kind of floundered about in pain.

I couldn't sit for prolonged periods of time so I didn't write much, causing one of the breaks in writing MotM.

Then it got better and I wrote most of Evil Eye.

Then it got bad again, and the tricks I thought I had found to fixing it... no longer worked and my back remained fucked up even longer than the previous time. So, I spent a lot of time just lying in bed, reading on my tablet and stuff, seething about how much better everyone on Royal Roads top 100 stories was than me lol. Was in a pretty dark place, mentally. Just a constant, long spiral down even if the slope wasn't that steep. Couldn't really sleep, couldn't train with a sword, couldn't write...

Finally I just decided enough was enough and to put an end to it.

Spiritually, at least.

I went and got my hands on some magic mushrooms. A lot of magic mushrooms. Heroic dose, ego death amounts of magic mushroom. Yeah. I said to a friend that, "there's something inside me that needs to die." So yeah, got zoinked out of my fucking gourd and danced for the first time in years in pure ecstasy. Like, literally danced with all my swords, getting revelations that I'm years later still contemplating. Oh yeah, and it gave me enough vitality to figure out my back issue; it was my hip, actually. Fuck useless doctors since had to fix it myself, but that's what you get for relying on others.

So why didn't I get back to writing immediately?

Eh, well, habits got broken and I had too much stuff I could do again to care. Also a minor fear of getting too sedentary again, as I will have to keep certain muscles strong for the rest of my life to ward off the pain, and even then a part of the "revelation" was that I'll just live with pain. Also, Evil Eye had been making me self-reflect about maybe taking up chemistry irl, because it's everything I had wanted of coding, but for some dumb reason ignored all my life? Still half-baked on that idea, outside of self-study.

Oh yeah, also I kind of started despising Fate as a whole by now, but I'm sure a lot of people who chatted with me must have figured that out lol, and that would have held true until about a week back... when I replayed Fate Extra and was reminded that it's a genuine fucking masterpiece. Like, not even kidding--some minor issues and gameplay design issues aside, it's an amazing game and it made me think of all the things I'd wanted to set up and play around with in MotM... So maybe I'll get back in the saddle again? Need to get home first, though, been on the road all summer with a crappy tablet.

CCC was also kind of a disappointment, though I've been thinking a lot about it, too...

Part of my slowdown with the story before I stopped writing had also been to see what Nasu wanted to do with Extella, but seeing as that's gone fucking nowhere and that I don't really care anymore, I could just wing it and do whatever, I guess. The skeleton of the story was always there, but I had wanted to retain enough wiggle room to honor canon, but, eh, fuck it, right?

We'll see. Anyway I'm fine, so that's something.

-Fiendy, August 2024

Fuel my caffeine addiction and buy a coffee at the link in my profile picture. Same as my username here.

Timeline of writing:

In the Dark (Fate/Stay Night)

A sort of "origin" story for Emiya, where I tried to incorporate as many small details and ideas I had about Emiya prior to his contract. About how he would grow as a Faker without the advice give to him by Heroic Spirit Emiya in the guise of Archer. Something in line with what Nasu spoke of Shirou needing twenty years to master UBW. My biggest goal for myself with it was to simply finish it; to be able to say "I wrote something and didn't quit halfway through. The theme is the title, really, which in hindsight—and alongside the realization that it is a rather common name—feels somewhat less appropriate than it was at the time.

Looking back, I am not entirely satisfied with it and having played Extella I felt a lot of similarities which devalue it somewhat, but I'm still proud of what it is.

Avalon: First Order (Fate/Stay Night X Fate/First Order(the FGO OVA animation about the first Singularity in Fuyuki))

A simple "what if Shirou and Saber from Fate were involved in the events of Singularity F?" which turned out rather pleasing. I really like the idea of Shirou and Saber from Avalon getting to do stuff, because of what kind of people they must have become. They act as Paragons of what the main characters of a story can become, somewhat fitting for Ritsuka and Mash as role models in their first crisis. (Also, powerlevel-wanking my favorite Fate characters :V)

Theme of "overcoming the hard times" in various forms and stages. Ritsuka and Mash beginning their journeys; Archer and Saber Alter as those who have been led astray from the path they originally chose as they have forgotten what they believed in before; Shirou and Artoria as the ones who have seen through their journeys and reached the end, achieving something akin to peace or even a form of enlightenment there. Overall, quite satisfied with it.

Unlimited Babe Works & UBWᐩ1 (Fate/Stay Night) (And seriously, you can't write a PLUS sign into titles OR the profile page? That's just silly, ffnet!)

Silly oneshots that I wrote in a single sitting, after I struggled with various ideas and projects for months. They did not seem to want to get off the ground and even as I got some 20k into the story, I always hesitated in publishing them. If I can't picture an ending how could I write the middle part satisfyingly either, or something like that.

A stress relief and writing exercise, really. Pretty funny, but most people probably won't like them.

Man off the Moon (Fate/Stay Night x Mass Effect)

Emiya's adventures in Mass Effect. WIP

Growing into insane proportions already, but great fun! Thessia was kind of a chore, though. Planning to pick up again after the long break.

Remember, Remember (Fate/Hollow Ataraxia)

My first attempt at writing smut, turned pretty emotional somehow. Was a blast to write.

Desperate Foxwife (Fate/Extra?)

Was asked to write something with Tamamo married to Emiya. Something of an odd idea, really. Should learn to keep my mouth shut.

Eye of the Mind (Fate/Stay Night)

An essay I wrote on the spur of the moment, only to realize the format isn't allowed here some week later and promptly deleted. You can find it at:

forums DOT spacebattles DOT com /threads/nasu-fic-rec-and-fic-discussion-thread-3-not-an-idea-thread.301761/page-723#post-53919010

Hamartia: (Fate/Stay Night)

Just something I wrote while feeling annoyed.

The Lion, the Witch and the Vanishing Cabinet (Harry Potter x Skyrim)

Wanted to get some practice before I started up MotM again, but it's become quite enjoyable to write in and of itself.

Will probably continue updating it even as I continue MotM, if at a much slower pace.

Singularity E (false) (Fate/Grand Order)

An attempt at figuring out how Emiya would actually behave at Chaldea after part 1 is over and the world is (apparently) safe again, given that none of his issues have been resolved. Kind of just me shitting on Demiya and then having laugh at Gil. Fun little thing, nothing more.

Evil Eyes (Naruto)

Stress relief writing. Just pure fun.