Xysnei
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Joined 05-11-08, id: 1573895, Profile Updated: 07-15-10
Author has written 6 stories for Mass Effect.

“This one has forgotten whether its heat sink is over capacity. It wonders whether the criminal scum considers itself fortunate.”

- Blasto, the first hanar Spectre. He has a lover in every port, and a gun in every tentacle.

I write all sorts of cracky stuff for the lulz.

Almost none of my fics are serious.

I love getting reviews though, so if you come across a fic of mine, please review!


Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Loved by Sia Later reviews
Meghan Shepard's Logs of the journey to defeat the Collectors. Kaidan A./Shepard, Garrus V./Shepard. Rated M for language, violence and more.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 30 - Words: 93,700 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 155 - Follows: 215 - Updated: 4/3 - Published: 6/20/2010 - Shepard (F), Garrus V.
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH by Secondpillow reviews
Harry Potter eventually eats a sandwich and discusses life with a famous author.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 2,847 - Reviews: 1026 - Favs: 924 - Follows: 323 - Updated: 2/25 - Published: 8/27/2005 - Bellatrix L., Seamus F.
The Long Way Home by Bugsie70 reviews
Preitor Gavorn isn't quite sure how he ended up on Omega, and Omega is the last place he expected something good to finally come his way. My take on Preitor Gavorn's back story.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 5 - Words: 27,266 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 3/12/2014 - Published: 10/18/2010
Just Right by Axelkin reviews
Garrus finds out he is in love with his best friend and learns how to explore his true feelings with Shepard. FemShep/Garrus romance. Added a prologue!
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 28,044 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 126 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 4/2/2012 - Published: 2/18/2010 - Garrus V., Shepard (F) - Complete
Garfield Effect: Galaxy Adventure by ShakespeareHemmingway reviews
Garfield leads Shepherd and crew to save galaxy! Now updated with Chapter 18! Assault on the enemy base!
Crossover - Garfield & Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 18 - Words: 28,601 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 3/21/2011 - Published: 3/18/2010 - Garfield, Miranda L.
The Good Turian by Bugsie70 reviews
On a reconnaissance mission to scout a Batarian slavers compound and assist with the recovery of some kidnapped Turian colonists, a young Garrus Vakarian discovers that not all Turians share his values or code of conduct.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 6 - Words: 21,252 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/1/2010 - Published: 6/23/2010 - Garrus V. - Complete
Something That'll Last by popehippo reviews
A small glimpse into the life of those outside of Commander Shepard's story; based on the interactions of two NPCs in Illium.
Mass Effect - Rated: K - English - Romance/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,055 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 308 - Follows: 29 - Published: 6/26/2010 - Complete
The Hundred Year Distance by fondleaf reviews
She is fast as lightning and burning just a bright, pushing him across the hundred year distance they have crossed since meeting and beyond. Femshep/Garrus, written for the masskink meme on LiveJournal.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,625 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 453 - Follows: 44 - Published: 5/15/2010 - Garrus V., Shepard (F) - Complete
Micro Effect by Dawn of Daybreak reviews
Throughout both games, all of Shepard's actions, no matter how large or small, coalesce into one Mass-ive outcome. Micro Effect is a collection of short stories that focuses on different takes of the smaller choices. Cannon and non-cannon. Mostly random.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 22,927 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 5/2/2010 - Published: 2/15/2010 - Shepard (F)
Jacob love scene by YellowTruence reviews
You and I can both agree that the Jacob love scene was creepy right? well here is what I thought of after seeing that scene for the first time. LOL!
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 284 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/14/2010 - Shepard (F), Jacob T. - Complete
The Misadventures of Subject Zero by Firaga Bird reviews
Who knew that the galaxy's most feared biotic would actually meet her match in the worthy opponent that is social interaction? As Jack attempts to turn a new leaf, what sort of obstacles will she face? Set after ME 2. First plot arc complete.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 15,402 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 4/10/2010 - Published: 3/12/2010 - Shepard (M), Jack
Vulnerability by Tree Wyrm reviews
WARNING: Contains spoilers if you have not completed Mass Effect 2. This story is starts at the two hours just before Commander Shepherd and her crew on the Normandy hit the Omega Relay. Garrus and Shepherd have become romantically involved.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 39,210 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 4/9/2010 - Published: 3/18/2010 - Garrus V., Shepard (F)
Life is Fleeting by Zepheera reviews
She reenters his life, just as he's prepared to leave it. Garrus/FemShep **Rating subject to change in the future
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 24,263 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 3/4/2010 - Published: 2/17/2010 - Garrus V., Shepard (F)
The Galaxy is Just Awesome by Insane Guy of DOOM reviews
While looking at the stars one night, Shepard, the Normandy crew, and a some other people break into a Mass Effect version of Boom de Yadda! Oneshot with some minor MShepard/Tali
Mass Effect - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 359 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/4/2010 - Complete
A Night to Remember by prospectkiss reviews
Garrus and Shepared enjoy their night together before hitting the relay.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,592 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 160 - Follows: 18 - Published: 2/25/2010 - Garrus V., Shepard (F) - Complete
A Trail a Mile Wide by Heuksal reviews
Shepard didn't get much of a chance to celebrate after ruining Sovereign's day, and the SR2's crew could really use a break after the end of ME2. Minor postgame spoilers, Femshep and Garrus, mostly dialog, gratuitous nerdy in-jokes.
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,685 - Reviews: 94 - Favs: 480 - Follows: 52 - Published: 2/12/2010 - Shepard (F), Garrus V. - Complete
Shepard Goes To Noveria, or: Torrid Turians by Carnivorous Pineapple reviews
Shepard returns to Noveria to oversee the resurrection of a special turian. Only one problem...she's dating someone else already. And when a certain office manager catches her attention, her love life becomes even more hopelessly complicated...
Mass Effect - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 52,606 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 1/25/2010 - Published: 12/8/2009 - Shepard (F), Garrus V. - Complete
A Lemon Fic by Mister Buch reviews
Today I had to ask what a 'lemon' fic was, and it was explained for me. I read an example, and I was so impressed that I wrote my own. So here is a short about Commander Shepard in her quarters at night... but not alone...
Mass Effect - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 797 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/3/2009 - Shepard (F) - Complete
Shepard's Big Galactic Adventure! by Radi0.Hazard reviews
Shepard attempts to keep her cool amidst a crew of bland biotics, zealous xenophobes, communist Quarians with a tendency to point out the obvious, MORE bland biotics, a vigilante police officer who hates red tape, and a lizard. Rated M for sexy references
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 16,513 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/30/2008 - Published: 6/19/2008
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Fail for the Lost reviews
Commander Jane Shepard is brought back from the dead with one purpose: save mankind from the Collectors. But can she keep her hands off her male alien squad members long enough to actually do what she was asked to do? Parody of ME2's plot. R&R!
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 24,340 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 8/10/2010 - Published: 2/26/2010 - Shepard (F)
Garrus Gets a Prostate Exam reviews
Exactly what it says on the tin. This crackficlet was written for a prompt made by the Garrus thread over at the BioWare Social Network.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,855 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/8/2010 - Mordin S., Garrus V. - Complete
The Worst Hangover Ever reviews
After a night of heavy drinking, Shepard wakes up to find her squad sleeping in her room. Naked. What happened? Thane knows. Crackfic, done on request. Reviews are very much appreciated.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,556 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/20/2010 - Shepard (F) - Complete
What Has Been Seen Cannot Be Unseen reviews
An innocent conversation between crew members about Commander Shepard's relationship with Garrus Vakarian quickly goes horribly, horribly wrong. Oneshot, crackfic, done on request. Rated M for mature stuff. FemShepxGarrus.
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,207 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 5/13/2010 - Published: 4/22/2010 - Shepard (F), Garrus V. - Complete
John Shepard Romances The Galaxy reviews
Follow Commander John Shepard as he has all sorts of cracky romantic encounters with the unlikeliest of people! Every chapter features a new crack pairing, and reviewers can make suggestions for future chapters. Rated M for sexy references. R&R!
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,640 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 4/29/2010 - Published: 4/6/2010 - Shepard (M)
Day of the Tentacle reviews
Shepard gets a massage from a hanar while Garrus and Grunt wait outside. No, seriously. MShepxHanar. Oneshot, pure crack, and incredibly creepy. Rated M for naughty things. Fic written on request. R&R!
Mass Effect - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,022 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/7/2010 - Shepard (M), Garrus V. - Complete