Author has written 5 stories for Naruto, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
Name: You can just call me Kale... or Kala (say it with me Kay-la.. yes I know it's spelled weird)
Appearance: 5'8 short brown hair and green/hazel colored eyes.
My favorite song is Light Up the Sky by Yellowcard (If you haven't listened to it then high-tail it over to youtube) My favorite animal is the wolf (even though I prefer cats to dogs). I sing Stabilio to my bar of soap (badly) and dance (very badly) when my car is at a stop light. I hate the cold and all mornings that begin before 9 - but I love to go sledding and enjoy a good cup of hot coffee/tea. My room is full of books and stuffed animals - with minimal cloths in my wardrobe and probably only three pairs of shoes. I love Dragons, Knights and Swords, loath Damsels in Distress and I will randomly point to someone in the hall and demand that they tell me a story.
I dislike the popular crowd or anyone who is too easily fit into a stereotype. I don't drink and I refuse to smoke but I will not begrudge you if you chose to do so. I love to learn but hate to admit what I do not know. I love to laugh, refuse to cry and believe that every day is a day with living to the fullest (even if it begins before 9) And nothing offends me more than someone who will not try to understand.
I'm witty, I'm sarcastic and I'm a bit of a hypocrite. I guess that means I'm human after all.
Patients, Diligence and Peace,
Quotes! (yea I got 'em from someone else... got a problem with that?!?!?!)
Person # 1: Happiness is just around the corner.
Person # 2: Too bad the world is round!
Never knock on death's door, ring the doorbell and hide, he hates that.
I'm not afraid of death; what's it gonna do, kill me?
Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.
I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
WARNING: DO NOT follow in my footsteps...I tend to walk into walls and off the occasional cliff.
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun!
Growing old is mandatory, growing up however...
Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and have their shoes.
You see dead people, but I see regular people and it burns!!
I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me!
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
I don't suffer from insanity, I am enjoying every minute of it.
I believe that you should live everyday as if its your last, which is why my room is such a mess. I mean come on who wants to clean their room on their last day?!
Silence is golden, duct tape is silver...
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then watch the world wonder how you did it.
When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand chocolate!
If you don't like the way I drive then stay off the sidewalks.
Life is like a pack of gum...I've yet to figure out why.
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
Come to the dark side...we found the Cullens!
I smile because I have no idea what is going on.
I used to be normal, then I met the freaks I call friends
Therapist= The/rapist...scary thought
There is no "I" in TEAM, but there is an "I" in PIE, and there's an "I" in MEAT PIE, and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...
I'm not paranoid... WHICH ONE OF MY ENEMIES TOLD YOU THIS!!
Parents spend the first half of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and then for the rest of our lives tell us to sit down and SHUT UP!!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder while coming in a boat to save your sorry butt!
Isn't it funny how the word politics is made up of the Latin word "poli" meaning many and "tics" meaning blood-sucking creatures?
What happens if you get scared to death twice?
You know its going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.
Sometimes I lie awake at night asking myself what I've done wrong, then the voice in my head says, " This is going to take more then one night..."
I like you. When the world is mine your death will be quick and painless. Maybe.
I like you... I shall kill you last.
Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there? I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out of its butt!"?
Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree.
I didn't say it was your fault...just that I was going to blame you!
You can blame all your problems on my two imaginary friends "Steve" and "Candy". They don't mind.
I'm not random, I just have many th- OH LOOK A SQUIRREL!!
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business!
You're intoxicated by my very presence
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!
"Wal-Mart, do they, like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.
Fangirls are like whiny puppies. They're annoying as all hell, but everyone pities them too much to kill them. Oh, they are also very loud.
It's not paranoia if you know they are out to get you.
The pen may be mightier, but the sword still hurts like hell.
You can’t spell slaughter without laughter
Anybody remotely interesting is mad, in some way or another.
In theory, everything works.
Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
It's tourist season, so why can't I shoot them?
That which doesn't kill you...will probably try again.
There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high level explosives.
If explosives didn't solve your problems you obviously weren't using enough of them.
Curiosity killed the cat, but Satisfaction brought it back.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics.
Sometimes the good guys get hurt, too. Sometimes they lose, even when they should win.
I said I had my reasons. I never said you would understand.
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
I respect your opinion; I just think it's stupid.
The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has limits.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
If at first you don't succeed...go back and reload the gun.
Some people are only alive because it's illegal to kill them.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
Writing is the socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.
The only cure for writer's block is insomnia.
The wastebasket is a writer's best friend.
No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous.
Never apologize. Always deny.
Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...
When you read a quote and says unknown at the end of it its because they can't spell anonymous
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this isn't too difficult.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for my kick boxing.
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
It just seems that the impossible becomes possible around me more often than not. Most of the time it includes me doing it.
Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, then to HELL with you, here's to ME!
When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.
If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every-time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
Words of Wisdom:
Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!
He who laughs last thinks slowest
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three
1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.
One day we're going to look back on this, laugh nervously and then change the subject
If at first you try and don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
A day without light is, well, night
Those who cannot remember the past are going to spend a lot of time in mall parking lots looking for their cars
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't
If you're forced to choose between two evils, choose the one you've never tried before.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit!
Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
FYI: you are NOT bringing sexy back
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
You’re a great friend, but if zombies chase us, I’m tripping you.
Friends are the ones who cry with you. Best friends are the ones who stand there with a shovel and ask who did it.
I’m not as random as you think I SALAD!
Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself! It's rude!
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.
My voices tell me that your voices are dorks.
Oh! Look, a distraction!
Normal is a setting on a dryer.
The odds don't worry me, I'm gambling with your life.
In case of emergency, break dance.
I don't have a short attention span! I just...oh look, a kitten!
Homework kills trees. Save trees. Don't do homework.
Rawr! It means "I love you" in dinosaur.
Hold up! I can't hear you. Let me turn down my awesomeness...
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.
They don't know that we know that they know we know.
You'll always be my friend. You know too much.
The voices in my head are fighting again.
I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here.
Let’s go shenaniganizing!
People are like slinkies. Basically useless, yet it’s so fun to watch them fall down the stairs…
Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.
Women are true magicians. They can make money disappear into thin air.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
I am so clever that sometimes even I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no flipping way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that shit up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh crap, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you.
One bright morning...
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
6. My mother taught IRONY.
7. My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
17. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
18. My mother taught me about ESP.
19. My mother taught me HUMOR.
20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
21. My mother taught me GENETICS.
22. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS.
23. My mother taught me WISDOM.
24. My mother taught me JUSTICE.
YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...
You talk to yourself a lot.
You talk to yourself about talking to yourself.
When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (e.g. 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someones liver?')
After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'
You live off of sugar and caffeine
You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.
You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.
You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.
No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.
The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.
Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.
People think you have A.D.D.
You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.
You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.
You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason
Your friends stopped looking at you funny when you laugh for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.
And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.
(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?
How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?
Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?
Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?
Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?
Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"
If a fork was made of gold would it be called goldware?
Why did yankee doodle name the feather in his hat macaroni?
If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?
Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are... who's they? the government?
If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him/her swear on the Bible?
Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?
Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?
If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.
A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.
A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.
A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.
A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.
A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.
A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.
A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE:
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
I'm not a book - I can't be read.
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