UrCrazyStalker911
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Joined 06-06-08, id: 1597042, Profile Updated: 01-19-12
Author has written 1 story for Naruto.

Hello all my freaky darlings hope to pleasure your minds soon.

My first act as new author is to fill my profile with things i beleive...NOW...LET..THE RANDOMNESS BEGIN!!!!!

My name is Tiffany

I am three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could

have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren’t ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can’t do a wrong

I can’t speak at all

Or else im locked up

All day long.

When im awake

im all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren’t home

When my mommy

does come home

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe ill

just get One

whipping tonight.

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie’s bar.

I hear him curse

My name is called

I press myself

Against the wall

I try to hide

From his evil eyes

I’m so afraid now

I’m starting to cry

He finds me weeping

Calls me ugly words,

He says its my fault

He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And run to the door

He’s already locked i

t And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wal

l I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy

continues With more bad words spoken

, "I’m sorry!", I scream

But its now much to late

His face has been twisted

Into a unimaginable shape

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

O please God,

have mercy!

O please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door

While i lay there

motionless Brawled on the floor

My name is tiffany I am three,

Tonight my daddy Murdered me

And you can help Sickens me top the soul,

And if you read this and don’t pass it on

I pray for your forgiveness

Because you would have to be

One heartless person To not be effected

By this Poem

And because you are effected,

Do something about it!

So all i ask you to do Is pass this on!

IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE REPOST THIS!!!!!

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your pro!

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fanfiction is annoying, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this on to your profile

20 Things to do at Wal-Mart

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, " 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera; & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream.. "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"

17. Challenge people to duels in the back aisles with wrapping paper tubes.

18. Have a conversation with yourself loud enough so that people in the other aisles can hear you.

19. Throw things over one aisle into another one.

20. Mark out price tags with a sharpie

Rules That Guys Wish Girls Knew

1.Sometimes we just don't want to talk. Don't take it personally.

2.We notice other women because we are men and we are alive. This does not mean we're planning to dump you and jump them.

3.Our favorite T-shirts are not "disgraceful." They show our loyalty to our college, our favorite sports team, our favorite beer, our favorite vacation or number 23.

4.Helpless is not cute.

5.Get to the point.

6.You can't complain that there are no good guys around while some of us are still single.

7.If you ask us, "Do you think she's prettier then me?" we just might say, "Yes." Then what are you going to do?

8.Don't expect even a great relationship with us to solve all your problems. Just because we love you, doesn't mean your cellulite, your credit card debt or your bad mood will disappear.

9.We would not wear high heels to impress you.

10.Breathe occasionally so we can get a word in.

11.For us, driving is not just a means of going from point A to point B. It's an opportunity to control a couple of tons of steel. We drive, therefore, we are.

12.If you want us to notice something, help us out by saying something like, "I went to the beauty shop today."

13.If you have to have a cat, at least don't call him "Mister" anything.

14.Hide the self help books when we come over. They make us nervous.

15.We don't go shopping. When we need something, we buy it.

16.We believe our bodily functions are perfectly normal and, at times, quite amusing.

17We don't believe you when you say money isn't important to you.

18.It's not that we don't want to make you happy, it's just that sometimes, we don't know how.

19.Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down.

20.If it itches, it will be scratched.

21.If you ask a question you don't really want an answer to, expect an answer you didn't want to hear.

22.Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

23.When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

24.You have enough clothes.

24.You have too many shoes.

25.Crying is blackmail.

26.Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.

27.Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

28.No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar you know we check.

29.We're not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

30.Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair - out of 30 - would look good with your dress?

31.Yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

32.Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

33.A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

34.Check your oil.

35.Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.

36.It is neither in your best interest or ours to take any quiz together.

37.It doesn't matter which quiz.

38.Anything we said six months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.

39.If you won't dress like the Victoria Secret girls, don't expect us to act like the soap opera guys.

40.If something we said could be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

41.You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both.

42.Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

43.If you wear a Wonderbra and a low-cut blouse, you lose the right to complain about having your boobs stared at.

44.Our relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.

45.Men see a limited number of colors, like Windows default settings. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

46.Ditto melon.

47.If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing is wrong.

7 Ways to Scare your roommates

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate, "I've got an important message for you." Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, "Oh, yeah, I remember!" Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your roommate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your roommate gets rid of it, and then say, "Hey, where the heck is my sandwich?" Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter by Hyuuga Hiashi WRITTTEN BY SHAWNY WONG!!

Rule One: If you come up to gates of the Hyuuga estate and announce your presence you’d better be delivering an important message from the Hokage, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered practical for boys of your age to remove their shirts when they have been training for hours on end. Presumably, this is to ensure that you do not overheat while you are training outdoors. Please don’t take this as an insult but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. We do have air conditioned dojos and indoor training halls for a reason. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may remove your shirts and tops whenever and wherever you want, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your pants do not, accidentally, come off during any time spent with my daughter, I will take my senbon and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex with the wrong kunoichi can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, my daughter is that kunoichi, and I will kill you.

Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about recent missions, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than sculpting the Hokage Monument. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like sweeping my floors?

Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, ninja patrols, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Chunin exam tournaments are okay. Morino Ibiki’s interrogation chambers are better. (Speaking of which, Ibiki owes me a favor. Would you like me to make an appointment for you? It’s no trouble.)

Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I am a master of the Byakugan – that makes me a living lie detector. I can see every involuntary twitch, every breath, and each bead of sweat on your face. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have an army of elite Byakugan users at my beck and call. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your steps coming up to my front gate for an enemy Cloud ninja sent here to steal the secrets of the Byakugan. You remember what happened to the last Cloud ninja who crossed me, don’t you? Incidentally, I will be cleaning and polishing the family katana as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you set one foot on my property you should submit yourself to a full body search by my guards, remove all hidden weapons from your person, and keep both hands in plain sight. Announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then leave - there is no need for you to come inside. You may not see me, but rest assured. I see you.

The Situation in Hell

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I go out with you", and take into account the fact that I went out with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct . . . leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

This Evil Overlord List is Copyright 1996-1997 by Peter Anspach. If you enjoy it, feel free to pass it along or post it anywhere, provided that (1) it is not altered in any way, and (2) this copyright notice is attached.

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The Master of Fear by Nightmares Around Winter reviews
A young man, raised in a shadow of fear and trained by a dark teacher. Fear is his weapon, trickery his skill, genius his design. He is Naruto Uzumaki, the Master of Fear. Care to come and see his story? Dark, Intelligent, Kiri Naruto. Harem. Don't like don't read.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 28,849 - Reviews: 394 - Favs: 718 - Follows: 779 - Updated: 17h ago - Published: 5/14/2013
The Three Virgin's Son by rebirthsherooftheblue reviews
Story about Naruto being born in the Universe with the Olympic gods with the Three Maiden Goddesses as mothers. Read to find out more.
Crossover - Naruto & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 15,460 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 338 - Follows: 375 - Updated: 4/18 - Published: 11/15/2013 - Naruto U., Artemis, Zoe N., Hestia
Fire & Ice by NeonZangetsu reviews
Don't let them in. Don't let them see. Be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal. Don't feel. Don't let them know. Elsa always felt she had to do these things; keep up appearances for the sake of her sister, then her parents, then her kingdom. But what if she didn't have to be that perfect girl? What if she were able to let go? NarutoxElsa. First ever NarutoxFrozen crossover!
Crossover - Naruto & Frozen - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 19,238 - Reviews: 326 - Favs: 930 - Follows: 1,067 - Updated: 4/7 - Published: 12/27/2013 - Naruto U., Elsa
Naruto: King of Monsters by Roanes Steel reviews
The rewrite of my old story Naruto the monster girl hunter, now with 800% more lemony goodness! Disclaimer: I don not own Naruto or any of the Monster girls in this story.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 43,855 - Reviews: 320 - Favs: 1,156 - Follows: 1,180 - Updated: 4/7 - Published: 10/31/2013 - Naruto U., Kushina U., Naruko U., Kyuubi/Kurama
An Uzumaki in Arendelle by Harpra reviews
Naruto is dying from an overheating chakra system, and to save his life he is sent to a far far away land where a lonely queen discovers him and perhaps something more. Naruto/Elsa. Naruto Frozen crossover. Post movie. Spoilers.
Crossover - Naruto & Frozen - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,612 - Reviews: 93 - Favs: 370 - Follows: 518 - Updated: 3/30 - Published: 1/20 - [Naruto U., Elsa]
Naruto Musume no Iru Nichijou by deamondragonsclaw reviews
After leaving with Jiraiya for his three year training trip, Naruto ditches the old pervert and is later adopted by the Kimihito family. Now after three years with his new family, Naruto is playing host in the extra species exchange program, will he fine what he's always wanted or be dragged back to Konoha? Rated M for limes and lemons.
Crossover - Daily Life with a Monster Girl/モンスター娘のいる日常 & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 18,886 - Reviews: 266 - Favs: 526 - Follows: 566 - Updated: 3/9 - Published: 6/25/2013 - Naruto U., Miia
Whirlpool of sound by Ikaruga reviews
Surviving the terrible night of Kyuubi's sealing. Kushina is taken away from her son and then sold to Orochimaru. There, she is turned into his successor. Thirteen years later, she returns for revenge and her son. Inspired by a story from Vanex.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 46 - Words: 139,931 - Reviews: 619 - Favs: 661 - Follows: 722 - Updated: 3/9 - Published: 9/13/2013 - Naruto U., Kushina U.
Hunger of the Lizard by BeastOfTruth reviews
Naruto is stolen as baby and experamented on turning him into the vicious Lizard. Dark Naruto Cannibal Naruto
Crossover - Spider-Man & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,670 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 2/12 - Published: 9/8/2013 - Curt C./Lizard, Naruto U.
Naruto: The Missing Nin by Lightimus reviews
What if Naruto didn't belong to the world he has always lived in. Everyone believed that Obito's mangekyō sharingan was a space-time jutsu, but what if it wasn't. What if Obito's sharingan was a dimensional plane jutsu. Find out what happens when both of Obito's sharingan eyes are destroyed during the fourth shinobi war leaving Naruto to go back to where he is supposed to belong.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 46,672 - Reviews: 225 - Favs: 568 - Follows: 684 - Updated: 2/12 - Published: 7/11/2013 - Naruto U., Minato N., Kushina U.
Naruto The Marine by BloodRedSword23 reviews
The night of the sealing, Naruto was transported to the USA, eventually he found a purpose, but what will happen when he goes home? Don't like don't read
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 45 - Words: 112,537 - Reviews: 507 - Favs: 748 - Follows: 710 - Updated: 2/9 - Published: 8/8/2011 - Naruto U., Anko M.
Tailor Narubi by zumagirl reviews
At a young age Naruto meets Yuuki, an old woman who lived in the same apartment building, and she changes his life... This was adopted from Faust VII.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 21 - Words: 21,805 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 188 - Follows: 219 - Updated: 2/1 - Published: 9/21/2013 - Naruto U., Sasuke U., Sakura H., Itachi U.
Alpha Mama Fox by Kimichan13 reviews
Naruto decides to do something stupid. Not a big surprise. The big surprise is what it gives him. A family! But not quite the family that ANYONE was expecting... I DO NOT OWN NARUTO OR POKEMON - that is my only diclaimer and it applies to all of my chapters. please review!
Crossover - Pokémon & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 9 - Words: 16,599 - Reviews: 193 - Favs: 479 - Follows: 555 - Updated: 1/22 - Published: 12/9/2012 - Eevee/Eievui, Naruto U.
Naruto, The Flame Guardian by Reichenfaust reviews
Naruto is abandoned in mid-flight, while Sakura grins as he fall's to his death, after Orochimaru smashes him into a tree. Naruto falls down, down, and crashes into a tree with a hidden chamber. He absorbs something that has the Legacy of the 9 Realms written all over it. Inferno Style Naruto, and Norse Gods and Titans make appearances. Juubi-Fenris, and Rikudou Sennin-Odin.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Angst/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 48,317 - Reviews: 177 - Favs: 438 - Follows: 532 - Updated: 1/20 - Published: 2/3/2013 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Born of Wickedness by Lord Farsight reviews
Uzumaki Naruto, heir to a clan, promising ninja, inventive boy, but ... more than anything ... unredeemable pervert. With an equally depraved but completely smitten Hinata at his side, watch as the Overlord creates his own little harem for his personnal pleasure ... and the rebirth of his clan of course. Yeah, that. Overlord crossover, NaruXharem (Hinata as boss), lemon fest.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 30,456 - Reviews: 202 - Favs: 584 - Follows: 709 - Updated: 1/4 - Published: 8/1/2013 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Naruto: The Betrayed by Jay Frost reviews
Naruto was betrayed by everyone he knew, his own family returning only to kill him, now he is back calculative, crafty and the unknown is his greatest weapon. this is a demon fic, Naru/Kyu/Mei, Rated M for a reason don't complain for being graphic. Writer with no formal experience, learn as I go.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 75,598 - Reviews: 680 - Favs: 1,463 - Follows: 1,374 - Updated: 12/31/2013 - Published: 5/5/2011 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Jokers Wild by dogbertcarroll reviews
Naruto's an old soul, but the seal on his former life begins to wear away under the pressure revealing someone... much like himself!
Crossover - Harry Potter & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 12,338 - Reviews: 294 - Favs: 803 - Follows: 844 - Updated: 12/30/2013 - Published: 12/9/2013 - Naruto U.
Fable's Lost Hero by jCOOLn reviews
Naruto is sad that he never knew his mother and wishes to make her proud by one day becoming a great hero like her. One day his father gives him a statue of a White Balverine and tells him of how his mother was attacked by a group of balverines (Unknowingly infecting her with a small portion of their power) and found it. Later Naruto uses it and becomes White Balverine Hero. Harem
Crossover - Naruto & Fable - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 10,413 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 154 - Follows: 173 - Updated: 12/28/2013 - Published: 12/23/2013 - Naruto U.
The Darkest Light by Persnikitty reviews
Naruto/Zatoichi X-over. Blinded during the sealing by an overload of toxic energy, Naruto must adapt to a world of darkness. In time, it becomes his greatest friend. Response to Pudgypudge's 'Darkness is my Friend' challenge. AU, Violence, Adult Themes.
Crossover - Naruto & Misc. Movies - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 78,486 - Reviews: 428 - Favs: 803 - Follows: 940 - Updated: 12/25/2013 - Published: 11/26/2009 - Naruto U.
Chains of Uzumaki by Bonesboy15 reviews
After the battle at Wave, Zabuza used his last breath to give his legendary sword to another. This was none other than the descendant of the God of War Kratos; Uzumaki Naruto. Pairing undecided. Sasuke bashing. Up for Adoption
Crossover - Naruto & God of War - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,634 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 638 - Follows: 629 - Updated: 12/24/2013 - Published: 4/15/2011 - Naruto U. - Complete
Kuzurihomu Naruto by Bonesboy15 reviews
Naruto/Xmen crossover. What if Kushina wasn't from the Uzumaki clan but came from a different one? How would this affect Naruto's dream to become Hokage? NaruHarem, Wolverine/?, RinXNightcrawler. ABANDONED
Crossover - X-Men & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 31,406 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 389 - Follows: 352 - Updated: 12/24/2013 - Published: 2/1/2011 - James H./Wolverine/Logan, Naruto U. - Complete
Naruto the Being Born of Fire by fairy tail dragon slayer reviews
Naruto Uzumaki, loyal friend, powerful Genin, and powerful half god! How will Naruto handle being forced from his ninja life into the world were god and goddesses roam? Naruto/Artemis only unless I am convinced otherwise.
Crossover - Naruto & Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 19,734 - Reviews: 480 - Favs: 1,069 - Follows: 1,168 - Updated: 12/20/2013 - Published: 9/20/2013 - Naruto U., Artemis
New Allies by jinx777 reviews
In an attempt to mend the gap between humans and Extra Species, Sarutobi made a deal with their leader to create a special team with a genin of their choice form Konoha as a representative for See what happens when they pick our favourite blonde trouble rated M for safty, read AN at start before reading fic!
Crossover - Naruto & Daily Life with a Monster Girl/モンスター娘のいる日常 - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 12,586 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 372 - Follows: 388 - Updated: 12/5/2013 - Published: 6/17/2013 - Naruto U.
The Jinchuriki of the WorldEater by Soleneus reviews
Naruto Uzumaki is not just the container of the Kyuubi. He also contains the World-Eater, Alduin. With the Thu'um at his disposal, and the dragon as his mentor, how will the world change? Fem!Sasuke and Fem!Neji! NaruHarem, or course.
Crossover - Naruto & Elder Scroll series - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 68,318 - Reviews: 459 - Favs: 1,337 - Follows: 1,392 - Updated: 11/13/2013 - Published: 3/6/2012 - [Naruto U., Aela, Samui] Alduin
Naruto, The Egyptian Fox by anime-death-angel reviews
Minato made a mistake in the battle with the Kyubi. Instead of summoning the Shinikami, he summoned a different death god, Anubis. After the sealing, Anubis take Naruto and raises him for fifteen years before he returns to Konoha as...something else. Bloodline-Naruto, Naruto-Harem
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,341 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 236 - Follows: 256 - Published: 10/31/2013 - Naruto U.
Uzumaki Kombat by VFSNAKE reviews
Ages ago, Shao Khan had one child with Sindel before her first death, but assumed the child died soon after birth. But he did not die. He was taken by Raiden to Earthrealm to become the Sage of Six Paths. His legacy Uzumaki Naruto is found by Shao Khan.
Crossover - Mortal Kombat & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 98,935 - Reviews: 828 - Favs: 1,545 - Follows: 1,278 - Updated: 9/22/2013 - Published: 2/20/2012 - Naruto U.
scroll reavels the kuma clan by johnljohnsibn reviews
what if naruto found a scroll in the forbidden scroll from his mother telling him he is from a clan like the inuzukas but instead of dogs the partner up with something different. watch as he makes a name for himself in the ninja world. m just to be safe
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,350 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 78 - Updated: 9/11/2013 - Published: 7/23/2012 - Naruto U., Hana I.
Aperture Science Blood Stream Portal Enhancement by AussieScum reviews
Naruto came close to accessing Kyuubi's chakra in wave, but got something different. A bloodline from a 800 year old computer. Looks like there's some testing going to happen! MajorSasu/VeryMinorSaku bashing. !Scientist!Smart!Bloodline Naruto. On Hiatus.
Crossover - Naruto & Portal - Rated: T - English - Drama/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 7 - Words: 40,060 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 388 - Follows: 425 - Updated: 8/26/2013 - Published: 11/7/2011 - Naruto U., GLaDOS
Lord of the Damned by Desaru1 reviews
Taken from his family at a young age and imprisoned against his will Naruto Uzumaki endures suffering no child should ever have to face. In the darkness he discovers a book that grants him the powers of a necromancer. Now Naruto is out for revenge as he hunts down his enemies and wreaks bloody vengeance on their lives. Warning: dark naruto, incest narutoXkushina, large harem, yuri
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Angst/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 28,751 - Reviews: 90 - Favs: 483 - Follows: 597 - Updated: 8/19/2013 - Published: 6/1/2013 - Naruto U., Kushina U.
Kitsune: Son of Catwoman by Bonesboy15 reviews
AU Naruto is fourteen, homeless and starving on the streets of Gotham. He has no recloation of his past, and in his journey to find it, he is assisted by a unexpected feline foe of a certain Caped Crusader. Is his way right, or will he turn? N/SG/Art/BG. M for language
Crossover - DC Superheroes & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Crime - Chapters: 20 - Words: 87,413 - Reviews: 1809 - Favs: 3,071 - Follows: 2,790 - Updated: 8/19/2013 - Published: 2/28/2011 - Naruto U.
Maverick by Drakai reviews
After getting Loki from Stuttgart the members of the as-of-yet-unformed Avengers, bar one brainwashed member, are sitting at the Helicarrier, when Director Fury throws them a curve-ball. Another member, one even Tony Stark had no idea was in the Initiative.
Crossover - Naruto & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,118 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 246 - Follows: 309 - Published: 8/18/2013 - [Naruto U., Agent Maria Hill]
Master of Foxes and Serpents by Delfim the Black kitsune reviews
What if Naruto had Kyubi as a teacher? What if he had two summoning contracts when he was five and none were the toads. What if he had two inseperable little summons as friends that were there for him all the time? Read and find out!
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 92,056 - Reviews: 388 - Favs: 1,213 - Follows: 1,086 - Updated: 8/5/2013 - Published: 7/15/2011 - Naruto U.
Sage Mode and Magic by AnonymousGX reviews
When Harry and Voldemort fought in the graveyard, a Death Eater tried to break the connection. This created a weird portal from which a blonde boy fell out. Who is he, how will he get home, what is Sage Mode, what is Magic, and how will these dimensional crossings affect both worlds? Not Yaoi/Yuri.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 25 - Words: 83,307 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 277 - Follows: 347 - Updated: 8/2/2013 - Published: 5/12/2013 - Harry P., Naruto U.
Naruto Sesshomaru Uzumaki by Traban16 reviews
While in the stomach of a giant snake, Naruto recieves help like no other... even if it does come from a hand that's wrapped around his throat in a vice-grip... Naruto/Harem
Crossover - Inuyasha & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 88,867 - Reviews: 596 - Favs: 1,713 - Follows: 1,574 - Updated: 7/8/2013 - Published: 9/5/2011 - Sesshomaru, Naruto U.
Shinobi Clan Wars by adrien skywalker reviews
REPOSTED! All Naruto did was to try and use a forbidden technique to beat Madara, but now, he is stuck in the time of the Clan wars, and also, he has somehow managed to become the center piece of a power struggle between the Uchiha and the Senju Clans.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Spiritual - Chapters: 6 - Words: 28,332 - Reviews: 839 - Favs: 2,185 - Follows: 1,986 - Updated: 6/23/2013 - Published: 12/24/2009 - Naruto U., Hagoromo Ō, Tōka S., Madara U.
The Green Masked Fox by The Fox Paradox 9 reviews
During Naruto's prank on the Hokage mountain he finds something in the 4th's nose. It is the one, the only, the mask. With Naruto being a regular prankster, Kyuubi being a trickster fox, and Loki's mask what chaos will be made? Randomness to the extreme!
Crossover - Naruto & The Mask - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,522 - Reviews: 403 - Favs: 677 - Follows: 606 - Updated: 6/8/2013 - Published: 10/23/2011 - Naruto U., Stanley I./The Mask
Who is Me by Pineapples2daMAX reviews
'To them I was no one...and thats exactly how i want it.' At Konoha Academy,the leaders known as Konoha 10 go by one rule-Your either one of them or you no one at all But when they all have to team up with Lonely Boy Namikaze for a project,their views start to change as secrets of the boy who hides his face start to surface the start to question. Who is Naruto? Fem!Sasuke Fem!Iruka
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,571 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 5/18/2013 - Published: 12/30/2012 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
Living Art by jinx777 reviews
After one of Iruka's lessons in the academy about the different Ninja arts, a seven year old Naruto decides that he wants to find one for himself. So after the lesson he decides to go to the Konoha library in the hope of finding something that only he would use. Rated M for safety like all my fics, mostly for violence and swearing.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 21,614 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 467 - Follows: 462 - Updated: 4/10/2013 - Published: 3/30/2013
King of the Elemental Nations by Kurogane7 reviews
AU: Naruto encounters the Hero King Algol, and gains his abilities. Things will be different now that he has been labeled as heir to Algol's throne. Powerful maybe godly Naru/Harem. Rated M for now.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,362 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 192 - Follows: 181 - Updated: 3/27/2013 - Published: 6/29/2012 - Naruto U.
Growing up by coso reviews
What if Anko saw Naruto being brushed off by kakashi in the hospital in favor of training Sasuke and decided to see if Naruto was really that bad? It changes everything for the blonde later on.Mini harem, NarutoxAnkoxAyame & humor, drama and adventure.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 35,381 - Reviews: 495 - Favs: 1,906 - Follows: 2,056 - Updated: 1/13/2013 - Published: 8/25/2011 - Naruto U., Anko M.
NARUTO: Student of the Killa Bee by Bonesboy15 reviews
What if Naruto was raised by Killer Bee and his brother A? What if Naruto became a rapper? How would this affect his life as a shinobi for Kumogakure? Eminem-inspired Naruto. No longer a harem.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 20,378 - Reviews: 252 - Favs: 700 - Follows: 614 - Updated: 1/12/2013 - Published: 1/24/2011 - Naruto U., Yugito N.
The Eyes That Made Sound by Kento-hish17 reviews
On the night of the Kyuubi attack, a demon of molten skin and burning eyes appeared. Acting fast, the Yondaime and his weakened wife sealed boy demons within their son, confident in his will to keep them both at bay. Shortly after, the Guardian of Metal takes the boy to realize his potential.
Crossover - Naruto & Brütal Legend - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,378 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 1/2/2013 - Published: 12/11/2012 - Naruto U.
Rising of the Dark by Thanathos reviews
After being betrayed in the VotE, Naruto is summoned into a new world, filled with races and creatures completely foreign. To understand this world, he joins the Light side of an ancient war. But once again, he must learn that not all is as it may seem.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 11 - Words: 78,859 - Reviews: 621 - Favs: 1,082 - Follows: 916 - Updated: 1/1/2013 - Published: 9/24/2010 - Naruto U.
Naruto of the Saiyans by VFSNAKE reviews
Bardock is about to die, but a dimensional rift when the Yondaime summons the Shinigami pulls him into the Naruto World, and onto Kyuubi's back moments before the sealing. Goku may redeem the Saiyans, but Naruto will make them be reborn, and in his image.
Crossover - Dragon Ball Z & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 65,018 - Reviews: 621 - Favs: 1,667 - Follows: 1,416 - Updated: 12/25/2012 - Published: 9/18/2011 - Bardock, Naruto U.
Taichou by TomBAuthor93 reviews
AU/AT. Just before the begining of the Third War, Orochimaru experimented on the second Kyuubi Jinchuriki. The result was the perfect soldier-no...the perfect Hero. Tsume/Naruto
Crossover - Captain America & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 9 - Words: 32,334 - Reviews: 233 - Favs: 628 - Follows: 632 - Updated: 12/14/2012 - Published: 6/26/2011 - Steve R./Capt. America, Naruto U.
Koei: Prince of Shangri-La by TomBAuthor93 reviews
AU: Born in the land of peace hidden in the Himalayas, Naruto Namikaze's story starts as a tragedy befalls his family. Fighting against the clock, he must find evidence that the world outside them isn't as violent as they believe or else the paradise will be sealed off forever. Will he succeed? And what's with the people wearing tights, anyway? Pairings inside.
Crossover - Naruto & Justice League - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,698 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 179 - Published: 12/4/2012 - Naruto U.
Will of the Green Flame by TomBAuthor93 reviews
While waiting for Mizuki, Naruto discovers an acient relic in the forbidden scroll. Next thing he knows, he's now the defender of his sector of the universe alongside an alien girl his age along with a green light as a weapon. Naruto/Arisia. AU. R&R
Crossover - Naruto & Green Lantern - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 46,717 - Reviews: 313 - Favs: 862 - Follows: 852 - Updated: 11/28/2012 - Published: 5/29/2011 - Naruto U.
Naruto: Prince of Darkness by Maltrazz reviews
Hellsing/Naruto crossover. Naruto saves Haku in Wave, only to be killed by his sensei's Raikiri. Kakashi's Problem? Naruto didn't stay dead. Naruto returns to Konoha as an Undead King... and as the splitting image of his father! Pairing undecided. DISCONTINUED
Crossover - Hellsing & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,616 - Reviews: 131 - Favs: 336 - Follows: 327 - Updated: 11/2/2012 - Published: 10/9/2011 - Seras, Naruto U. - Complete
Drunken Shinobi by Danasca reviews
Naruto after the VoTE, succeeded in returning Sasuke, but for some reason he left. Now, 3 years later he's an S-rank missing-nin and a master of Suijutsu. Question is why did he leave? And how is he a master of drunken combat? No pairings yet.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 44,861 - Reviews: 292 - Favs: 822 - Follows: 742 - Updated: 10/24/2012 - Published: 8/28/2010 - Naruto U.
age of Naruto by Kamakasie reviews
what would Naruto do with the powers to summon the units from Age of empires? read to find out
Crossover - Misc. Games & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,597 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 10/18/2012 - Published: 11/17/2011 - Naruto U.
Naruto of the Talismans by Fan of Fanfics reviews
Deep within the Hidden Tunnels of the Hokage Monument, Naruto finds a talking statue that grants him immeasurable power. NarutoxTemarixTenten pairing.
Crossover - Jackie Chan Adventures & Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 20,920 - Reviews: 228 - Favs: 605 - Follows: 583 - Updated: 9/12/2012 - Published: 10/24/2010 - Naruto U.
Multorum Prime by Fan of Fanfics reviews
"We slept through earthquakes and volcanoes, through floods and drought. The Planet as we had come to know it faded into ancient memory, and our ship was swallowed into the Earth. Until we were found by a new oddity, and our story began anew."
Crossover - Naruto & Transformers - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,267 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 294 - Follows: 253 - Updated: 8/16/2012 - Published: 12/31/2011 - Naruto U.
Naruto and the Gum Gum Fruit by SECUREZONEICON reviews
After Naruto meets Luffy, he gains the Gum-Gum ability. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING HAREM First attempt
Crossover - Naruto & One Piece - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 60 - Words: 165,749 - Reviews: 237 - Favs: 247 - Follows: 173 - Updated: 7/24/2012 - Published: 5/10/2011 - Naruto U.
Naruto Herald of Chaos by Belial The Dark Angel reviews
During another attack Naruto made a deal with the dark gods. This will be a nice twist. It is based on 40k, but with elements from fantasy. Very Very Strong Naruto. Godlike Naruto later on.
Crossover - Warhammer & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,929 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 7/9/2012 - Published: 9/21/2011 - Naruto U.
King of the Abyss by The Rage Of Fire reviews
When Naruto died he didn't go to heaven or hell but to the Ghost Zone in a place where the weakest ghosts are Pariah's level and becomes their King. When he feels a rift appear in the Ghost Zone he's heading to Amity Park. Rated M just in case. Naruharem.
Crossover - Naruto & Danny Phantom - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 16,932 - Reviews: 254 - Favs: 741 - Follows: 694 - Updated: 6/22/2012 - Published: 10/20/2011 - Naruto U.
Chigan by hinatasgreatestfan reviews
Naruto finds something VERY interesting in the Scroll of Sealing when he's learning the Shadow Clone Jutsu.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 28,815 - Reviews: 264 - Favs: 553 - Follows: 628 - Updated: 4/19/2012 - Published: 1/8/2011 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
So Not the Dattebayo by DragonMasterFlex reviews
Bad guys? Homework? Track and Cheerleader Practice? Dormant Ninja Power? Dating? Naruto and Kim got it covered. Well, maybe...
Crossover - Naruto & Kim Possible - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 11 - Words: 82,038 - Reviews: 718 - Favs: 1,131 - Follows: 890 - Updated: 3/30/2012 - Published: 3/18/2011 - Naruto U., Kim P.
Sweet Fracture Life by Goddess of Night Eternal Faith reviews
Orihime has been perfectly fine ever since she came back...or so they think what her friends don't know is she's hidding something from them How long can she keep this secret? More importanly how long can she hide it before Azien finds out?
Crossover - Naruto & Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 51,442 - Reviews: 118 - Favs: 130 - Follows: 112 - Updated: 3/13/2012 - Published: 5/14/2011 - Naruto U.
Hamu Hamu Ninja by Clubbed2Death reviews
Naruto and the team are on the mission after the Daimyo's cat, AGAIN. However, a strange event has occurred and... Naruto turns into a hamster? Who is this strange Hamtaro fellow? And what does he know? Sort of a crackfic/humor.
Crossover - Naruto & Hamtaro - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,102 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 3/5/2012 - Published: 12/30/2011 - Naruto U., Hamtaro
Naruto: Nature's Blessing by Yakurenazea reviews
When Naruto was born he was blessed by Tozi the Goddess of Nature. The powers that Naruto gain from the gift were unbelievable! NarutoxHarem to a Massive Harem God Naruto
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 9,156 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 495 - Follows: 539 - Updated: 2/13/2012 - Published: 2/2/2010 - Naruto U.
The Ninth by dart93 reviews
Released from his prison by a cult that worships him, Naruto takes Gotham by storm. Possible Harem. Crossover with Justice League and Teen Titans later. Dark Naruto but not totally evil and twisted
Crossover - Batman the Animated Series & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 20 - Words: 57,380 - Reviews: 840 - Favs: 1,484 - Follows: 1,337 - Updated: 2/4/2012 - Published: 12/15/2011 - Naruto U.
Naruto, Overlord of death by maverick9871 reviews
The night Naruto learns about the Kyuubi being sealed in him he finds out about a gift the Shinigami gave him. Was it on purpose or accident. Who knows. What Naruto does know is that he might actually like being an Overlord. Naruto harem.
Crossover - Naruto & Overlord - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 33,585 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 516 - Follows: 466 - Updated: 1/29/2012 - Published: 1/21/2012 - Naruto U.
Naruto: Kinoko by Seigyoki Maou reviews
Naruto grew up on the streets, with no one but his fellow orphans to care for him. Shenanigans ensue. Rife with OCs, Narux?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,492 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 1/23/2012 - Published: 11/25/2011 - Naruto U.
The Half Night King by Kumo no Shinigami reviews
On a cloudy October evening, a beaten and bloodied Naruto finds himself in the forest, begging to be free of his torment. He never expected anyone to answer... Naruto/FemKyuubi On indefinite hiatus.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 8 - Words: 39,982 - Reviews: 121 - Favs: 327 - Follows: 285 - Updated: 1/1/2012 - Published: 8/2/2011 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Naruto ledgends: New lord of the Westeren Lands by vanpiric heart reviews
Naruto found he's been lied to. He finds the swords of an ancient ruler and gains a true father. With the power of the Inu tribe Naruto will take the world by storm all the while getting even with his former family. NO YOAI, Naruto x Girl s?
Crossover - Inuyasha & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,474 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 406 - Follows: 368 - Updated: 12/15/2011 - Published: 10/10/2011 - Sesshomaru, Naruto U.
Mechanical Love by Nicole The Dragon Rider reviews
Hinata is disowned and kicked out by her father. She manages to become a mechanic. Naruto is cheated on by his girlfriend and car brakes down. Watch how they deal with their problems and manage their love lifes.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 34,632 - Reviews: 271 - Favs: 181 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 12/12/2011 - Published: 5/17/2011 - [Hinata H., Naruto U.] - Complete
The Retainer by dart93 reviews
Naruto never goes to the Academy, the Hokage takes him in and trains him to be a powerful Retainer to the Hokage and his family. Mix between Walter from 'Hellsing' and Niles from 'The Nanny'. PowerfulNaruto, possible Harem. Sasuke gets B****-Slapped.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 13,894 - Reviews: 222 - Favs: 787 - Follows: 764 - Updated: 11/27/2011 - Published: 8/19/2011 - Naruto U.
Hail to the King, Baby! by The First-Born reviews
Leaving the village after failing the test, Naruto vanishes for four years. Now they want him back and what they find is not what they expect. Naruto is now powerful, sexy, and has an ego the size of his... -Womanizer, SuperNaruto, DarkNaruto- DukeNukem
Crossover - Naruto & Duke Nukem - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,630 - Reviews: 226 - Favs: 538 - Follows: 464 - Updated: 11/23/2011 - Published: 10/27/2011 - Naruto U.
Why You NEVER Give Naruto Sweets! by Lady Blade WarAngel reviews
"I will murder that kid!" Asuma yelled angrily. "He took Asuma's lighter didn't he?" Kakashi asked Kurenai. "And a pair of my underwear." Kurenai added. Kakashi blinked. "I'm not going to ask how he managed to do that." Kakashi stated.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,662 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 274 - Follows: 130 - Updated: 11/20/2011 - Published: 1/18/2009 - Sasuke U., Naruto U. - Complete
Into the Depths by Jubbi-of-Shibusen reviews
What if the battle of wave ended differently, what if Naruto was injured too badly for the Kyubbi to handle alone, find out what happens.
Crossover - Naruto & Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: M - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,093 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 176 - Follows: 169 - Updated: 11/4/2011 - Published: 5/4/2011 - Naruto U., Davy Jones
The Devil of Hellsing by The First-Born reviews
Dying as a child, Naruto sells his soul and becomes the son of Lucifer. Years later, his is forsaken by hell and sealed away, only for Integra to release him. Now, she had the loyalty of the Devil's son and the strongest vampire on her side.
Crossover - Hellsing & Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 33,494 - Reviews: 363 - Favs: 828 - Follows: 749 - Updated: 10/27/2011 - Published: 8/22/2011 - Naruto U.
Curse of Immortality by Dylan The Crow reviews
Naruto is cursed by immortality. Watching his friends grow old and waste away, he flees the village and is forced to sleep by the Kyuubi's instincts. Will have multiple crossovers when naruto wakes up at different times. Enjoy!
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,657 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 9/28/2011 - Published: 9/10/2011 - Naruto U.
Naruto: Mob Doctor, Addict, Suicidal by The First-Born reviews
Framed and sent to prison, Naruto is banned from ninja duty and finds that he has nothing to live for. Studing medical books in prison, he starts helping the unlawful side while developing an addiction to painkillers. SuicidalNaruto Drug and alchol abuse
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 8,652 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 301 - Follows: 255 - Updated: 6/13/2011 - Published: 6/10/2011 - Naruto U.
Son of War by MrWriterWriter reviews
Summary pending on if enough people want me to continue it myself. Aside from that..Rated M for violence and mature content.
Crossover - Naruto & God of War - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,051 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 397 - Follows: 399 - Updated: 5/27/2011 - Published: 5/30/2010 - Naruto U.
Innocent addiction, the scarecrows lily by baby-kitsune9 reviews
she went there to hide and recover from her wounds. the working women and the madam often helping her in exchange for small chores, they liked her. and so did the copy nin who found her working there as a greeter. being rewritten. new chap 11 up
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 28,187 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 127 - Follows: 128 - Updated: 9/7/2010 - Published: 5/22/2010 - Kakashi H., Naruko U.
Eternal Ramen by FancyFedora reviews
The gods often choose champions to represent them in the world. For years the strongest god had not chosen a champion and a legend ... until now. Now Naruto is the champion of the strongest god. Naruto is the champion for the god of ramen.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,413 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 17 - Published: 2/9/2010 - Naruto U.
All Manner of Horror by Dirty Reid reviews
Within the Forbidden Scroll rests a terrible entity. What happens when Naruto unleashes it upon the world?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Horror - Chapters: 4 - Words: 26,022 - Reviews: 533 - Favs: 702 - Follows: 630 - Updated: 11/28/2009 - Published: 2/12/2009 - Naruto U.
Inner Beast by The Fifth Rider of Armageddon reviews
Naruto is kidnapped by Orochimaru at the age of six. He shows up three years later on the shores of Sea Country. watch Naruto grow up as part human, part demon, and part beast. I've taken over for Tsunami227
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 35,127 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 306 - Follows: 278 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 4/14/2008 - Naruto U.
The Bat Lord reviews
naruto gains the bat contract watch as he decides wiether to help or destroy kohana. NARUHINA
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 694 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 3/23/2013 - Published: 11/2/2011 - Naruto U., Hinata H.