Tanuki’s List Of Pet Peeves.

1 Teme for Seme, with Nar-uke!

I both love and hate SasuNaru. I hate it because any twelve year old out there can throw together a story in two weeks and get five hundred reviews simply because someone watched three episodes of Naruto and those are the only names they can remember! Seriously, if you’re going to write SasuNaru make sure you understand the depth of the pairing, the connection they have. Don’t just shove them together, make them say ‘dobe’ and ‘teme’ a bunch of times before having them fuck like bunnies! Depth people! Depth! And that depth, that connection, is what makes me love SasuNaru.

2 Like, z@mFg! Y@ur a sht revwer!

I fucking hate reviewer’s that simply review ‘Omg! I love it! Update!’ Seriously, the review option is for reviewing what you thought of the story! Proper feedback is more likely to get a reply. Not some random comment about how you got a giant nosebleed. I love reviews, but seriously, I love proper ones that tell me what you love about the story best.

3 Oh dear, you're going to hell for this homosexual erotica.

Ok people, get over it. I don’t read Yuri, but good for people who like it. I mean, I love yaoi. People love yuri. Their choice. And if you hate yaoi get over it. For God’s sake. I hate hentai sex but I don’t go flaming people when it pops up in stories! I just freak out and close the window. Get over yourselves.

4 Holy crap you're alive!

Ok, if you’re going to write a story, write it. Don’t write a chapter, wait three months, and then start writing another. I mean, I understand if you have shit going on that makes it hard for you to update, but it’s not fair on readers if you post three chapters of an awesome story and then just vanish without a word. Come on, leave a note or something.

5 Oh this looks inter- HOLY SHIT!!

I am always on the look out for good stories that aren’t SasuNaru paired. And it’s so fucking hard to find stories like that if people don’t fill out the ‘character a’ and ‘character b’ part when making a story. You may think it’s cool to have a mysterious summary that only hints at the story without saying the pairing, but it’s not. It’s a fucking pain in the ass to get a chapter in and suddenly you're hit with Kidomaru raping Haku. GOD, Labels! Warnings! USE THEM!

6 Oh? A co-writer? I don't remember advertising for one...

It's my Goddamn story. If I want to kill Sasuke off, I will! I don't want you fucking bitching to me about how you loved my story but the ending ruined it for you and why didn't I do this...? BECAUSE IT'S MY FUCKING STORY. If you don't like it, don't read it. I also HATE reviews that try to suggest stuff, suggest which path I take. I mean, I make Oro-chan rock up, cause some havoc, and you're all 'Ah! I hate Oro!' and then he leaves and you're all suddenly 'when's Oro coming back?' MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND.

7 Parabéns! Badhai ho! Mabrouk! поздравления! SPEAK ENGLISH!

Congratulations! You can speak three sentences of Japanese! Don't put it in your story. I'm fine when people have the honorifics (-san and -chan etc) but I don't want full fucking sentences in there where I have to scroll down to the bottom of the Goddamn page to find out what you said. I don't care if you speak Japanese - I don't, and most people reading an English story don't. And the story's categorized under English. So write in English!

8 And I want to thank my mother and my father and my brother and sister and...

People, reviews come with a reply link. I understand if you want to list the names of all the people you would like to thank for their constant reviewing, but don't give them all an individual line and comment. I mean, it just takes up so much room on the page, and no one wants to read a giant thank you to other people.

9 lke, thnks, spl-chk!

There is a spell-check people. Use it, for fucks sake.

10 The Cold-blooded Murder of the English Tongue

Alright, I'm from Australia, and as you may have noticed, we use the same spelling as England - AKA the original way to spell. So yes, I will put a 'u' in colour, saviour and honour. Because that's how I spell it. I also know the difference between 'a lot' and 'alot' and trust me, y'all want the first one. Also, 'defiantly' and 'definitely' are two different words, people. So please, don't lecture me on my spelling because I've put a 'u' into a word, or I say 'Mum' instead of 'Mom.'

11 Holy crap! A baby!

Ok, I'm fucking sick of all the times I've read about Naruto literally crapping out a baby. Ok, we all know men don't have the necessary... bits to give birth, but that's what C-sections are for, people. Seriously, if Naruto's having a baby he can handle being cut open when numbed. And remember - a large number of women end up shitting as they push the baby out... yeah, think about that next time you write Naruto shitting a baby... literally.

12 Hell Hath No Fury...

Ok, I HATE all those people who have Sakura and Ino pushing each other out of the way in order to spy on Sasuke and Naruto fucking. I mean, ok I get it, we like yaoi, and we like to think that heaps of other people like yaoi but seriously, INO AND SAKURA HAVE BEEN PRACTICALLY IN LOVE WITH SASUKE FOR AGES. They're not just going to drop everything and say 'that's so hot!' They're gonna be pissed, and they're gonna be out for revenge.

13 Oh nice ONE-shot... now turn it into a sequel!

Ok, on the odd occasion I will do a sequel to a one-shot, but I hate all those people who read one of my one-shots that obviously is NEVER going to be continued and spam me with a review that only says 'sequel! sequel! sequel!' AHH! I hate that! It's a ONE-SHOT!!

And that’s the end of my little rant for now. I will post more when something new pisses me off.

Tanuki's Rejects

Ok, you may have seen some of my old stories popping up on a new account. Well yeah, that's me. You'll notice they're no longer down here. I either didn't like them or didn't think they were worthy enough to be on this page. So please, don't send me PMs about them. There is a AN at the end of everyone saying that it's me. READ IT! People who don't will be called idiots.

The Cheshire Cat... IN SPANISH! HERE

Done by the fabulous Nekomata-Mizu

Wrong For Him... IN POLISH! HERE

My facebook page where you can ask me questions, etc:

HERE