birdman94
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Joined 06-19-08, id: 1609652, Profile Updated: 12-13-08

Yo I'm Jim. I changed my mind. I decided that I'm only gonna write requests, be it from my friends or from whoever is reading this. But I will always have a mantra for writing my stories: Rose and Emmett only get each other, and Jacob will always get his ass kicked cuz he's a ginormous dumbass who I hate.

Anyway, these are things that I found in other people's profiles. I put them here so that you may copy it all if you want. So, please, believe me when I say that I'm a guy.

This was all made necessary by withthevampsofcourse, whom I enjoy stalking, and jandco, who, along with wtvoc, is one of the two best writers on fanfiction. Please, read their stories and harass them. Please.

Two best friends were riding on a motorcycle. The motorcycle belonged to the boy driving it- a 16 year old boy named Chris. It was his first time driving it, and he convinced his best friend, a 16 year old girl named Laura, to ride on it with him. Halfway through the ride, disaster struck.

Laura: "Slow down, I'm scared!"
Chris: "No, this is fun!"
Laura: "No, it's not! Please slow down? It's way too scary!"
Chris: "Then... tell me you love me."
Laura: "I love you... now slow down!"
Chris: "Now, give me a hug..."
Laura wrapped her arms around Chris and closed her eyes, smiling. She realized then that she loved her best friend. Truly. Chris smiled, a tear rolling down his cheek. This went unnoticed by Laura, however.
Chris: "Can you... take off my helmet & put it on yourself? It's bothering me..."
Laura: "I told you I didn't want a helmet..."
Chris: "Please, Laura. Please."
Laura sighed and did as she was told.

-In the newspaper the next day, there was an article describing a motorcycle accident. Apparently, a motorcycle crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on the vehicle, but only one survived.

The truth was that halfway down the road, Chris realized that the breaks were out and he didn't want the Laura to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loved him one last time. Then, he had her put his helmet on so that she would have a greater chance to live even if it meant that he would die.

If you would do the same for a person you love then copy this into your profile.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the fun of it, copy this into your profile.

He Said: I don't know why you wear a bra, you have nothing to put in it.

She Said: You wear pants don't you?

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!

Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

If Every time at twilight you say 'It's twilight, it's the safest time for us' Copy this into your profile

When every you see an apple you think of twilight copy this into you profile

If you walk around you house talking to your self about somthing that happned in one of the twilight books Copy this into your profile

If you think that the damn kids should just let Lucky eat his damn cereal, C&P

If you think that turkey-bird thing should be admitted into rehab for his obsession to Coco Puffs, C&P

If you think Barney should stop stealing Fred's pebbles, C&P

If you think that those F-in kids should just let the rabbit get some goddamn Trixs, C&P

If you have no idea who the hell that old, weird parrot is in the Fruit Loops commercial, C&P

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If when ever you are out in public and you hear something relating to Twilight you want to scream and squeal, but you don't 'cause you're in public, so you just get a goofy grin on your face. C&P

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you are not one of those people who thinks having over 1 thousand friends on myspace is a contest copy this to your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

If your like Sharpies, penguins, cookies, close friends, MSN, AIM, and the internet, copy this to your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitoes giving you mosquito bites copy and past this into your profle

If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile

If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile.

If you always have a song stuck in your head, copy and paste this into your profile.

You know you're addicted to Twilight when August 2th is the most decorated date on your calendar. Copy and paste this into your profile if it is!

If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile.

If you always have a song stuck in your head, copy and paste this into your profile.

You know you're addicted to Twilight when August 2th is the most decorated date on your calendar. Copy and paste this into your profile if it is!

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you compare people to Edward and Bella, copy and paste this into your profile.


If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile.

If you swear you'll throw yourself off the nearest building if they cast a bad Edward and/or Bella for the Twilight Movie or mess it up beyond possible reasoning, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever spazzed out when you've seen a silver Volvo S60, because it reminds you of Edward Cullen, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever spent numerous hours looking for stuff that remind you of any of the Cullens/Swans, copy and and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder.

AV is Addicted to Vampires

WBWAVS is Wishing Bella Was A Vampire Syndrome

LES is Love Edward Syndrome

WIWAVS is Wishing I Was A Vampire Syndrome

I have them all! put them in your profile if you do! and you know you do! stop lying to yourself!!

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your pro!

If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile (XD)

If your skin is almost always cold...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profileIf you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile

If you ever felt like just running somewhere, copy this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy this into your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do...

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy this into your profile.

If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile

You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels. (XD)

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy this into your profile

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile

if you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your profile

If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile

if you've ever walked into a wall b4 copy this into your profile

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you like chocolate as much as I do copy this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

So effin funny!!:

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

A good or best friend!

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

A good friend will ask you why you are crying. A best friend is someone who wont say anything when you cry for no reason, but will start sobbing too, just help you cry.

"Best friends through thick and thin!
If you cry, I cry,
If you laugh, I laugh,
If you fight, I got your back,
If you trip, I'll catch you when you fall,
If you jump off a bridge... Oh heck ,wait for me!"

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

You know you live in 2007 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don’t have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn’t even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica(real name)(i always change my penname)(tehehehe) PurpleBunniesWillRuleTheWorld, Roxxi-and-Ali, IsabellaMarieSwan123, lovelyxangel, letthemusicplay, -Jessica-Bella, xxDeath's Daughterxx, Pixel Alice

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings, print them off and tape them to your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you bite your friends shoulder because you are bored.Crazy is when you you convince your self your a mythical creature and try to make other be leave the same. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list!

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If people mistake you for a vampire (I wish they did... sigh) copy and paste this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. (all the time)

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. (read it ALL the time.)

If you've ever lost someone (cats count) you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you think disclaimers are the most annoying thing ever copy and paste this onto your profile..

If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this onto your profile.

I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.

If you love FANFICTION.NET, add your name and copy and paste this into your profile. Rainstorm007, Mysterious Miracle, Frostpaw, Crazy Rayne, Alicegirl, Zandylion, BellaxEdwardforever95, Pixel Alice,

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you love the rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever been called weird because you typed OMC instead of OMG copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever passed notes in class when you are allowed to talk copy and paste this into your profile.

If whenever you see or hear the brand "Volvo" you freak out and start giggling uncontrollably and then people stare at you funny copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think Jojo is the cutes emo ever! Copy and paste into your profile.

You wish they can make a Jojo plushie Copy and Paste

Actually look for specks on a clover C&P

Whoville is really just that we have to look hard for it C&P

You think the Whos do exist C&P

IF YOU LOVE EDWARD CULLEN, COPY AND PASTE THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE AND SCREAM! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

If you're one of those people who gets excited when you see just two reviews, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're planning to form a mob to attack Stephenie's publisher because you want Breaking Dawn now, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get super upset and throw a fit until all the people in the room run away whenever someone says that the characters of Twilight aren't real, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you want Bella to turn into a vampire, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped on air, and were so happy because you thought Edward Cullen might come and save you, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen somewhere for you (Doesn't mean his name has to be Edward Cullen), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Edward Anthony Masen Cullen, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony (or Bella, but that's another story), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have a long list of fictional book/ movie characters that you are in love with, but Edward Cullen is clearly at the top of, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile..

If you are obsessed with fan-fiction copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fan-fictions, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever bust out laughing in a quiet room, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you cried when Edward left Bella in New Moon copy and paste this onto your profile. (I cried really hard and for like the entire book... until he came back)

If you've ever fallen asleep at around 2 am reading Twilight , New Moon, and/or Eclipse, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you realize that copying and pasting things into your profile is pointless, yet you do it anyways, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're so obsessed with Twilight, that whenever you hear thunder, you think it's vampires playing ball, copy and paste this int your profile.

If you constantly need a new bookshelf in your room, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever slapped/punched a relative because they took your last piece of gum, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing, or a combination of both, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you agree with Bella that life without Edward is useless then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head, copy and paste this into your profile. (Haha, I hear Edward talking in my head ALLL the time...he talks too much lol)

I'm the kind of person who walks into a door or wall, and then apologizes to it.

If you've reread TWILIGHT over ten times...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.

PLEASE READ WHAT'S UNDER THIS! It's actually important.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end itTry not to cry.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Month One

Mommy

I am only eight inches long

but I have all my organs.

I love the sound of your voice.

Every time I hear it

I wave my arms and legs.

The sound of your heartbeat

is my favorite lullaby.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Month Two

Mommy

today I learned how to suck my thumb.

If you could see me

You could definitely tell that I am a baby.

I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.

It's so warm and nice in here.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Month Three

You know what Mommy?

I'm a boy!!

I hope that makes you happy.

I always want you to be happy.

I don't like it when you cry.

You sound so sad.

It makes me sad too

and I cry with you even though

you cant hear me.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Month Four

Mommy

My hair is starting to grow.

It is very short and fine

but I will have a lot of it.

I spend a lot of my time exercising.

I can curl my head and curl my fingers and toes

and stretch my arms and legs

I am becoming quite good at it too.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.

Mommy, he lied to you.

He said that I'm not a baby.

I am a baby Mommy, your baby.

I think and feel.

Mommy, whats abortion?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.

I dont like him.

He seems cold and heartless.

Something is intruding my home.

The doctor called it a needle.

Mommy, what is it? It burns!

Please make him stop!

I cant get away from it!

Mommy! HELP ME!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Month Seven

Mommy

I am OK.

I am in Jesus' arms.

He is holding me.

He told me about abortion.

Mommy, why didnt you want me?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Every abortion is just...

One more heart that was stopped

Two more eyes that will never see

Two more hands that will never touch

Two more legs that will never run

One more moth that will never speak.

Abortion is wrong. People are here on earth for a reason, and some crazy mothers dont want their babies.

If you are against abortion copy and paste!!

My name is Nora
and I'm seventeen,
I am on drugs
and cannot clearly see.
Because of this
my grades in school have dropped.
I am very drunk,
Sometimes I'm beaten up
by some street punk.
There are so many rules
i've tried not to break,
But I am so drunk
that I can't stand up straight.
I am so drunk ,
Most of the time
I cannot talk.
Maybe if my parents trusted me,
they would let me hold a car key.
One night I was out walking around,
But there was a sound
and then I saw a man
who didn't want me in town.
The man was holding a gun,
He was not as bright
He was like a Earth without a sun.
My name is Nora
I am seventeen,
and tonight a man
murdered me.


Remember: Say NO to drugs!! Drug Abuse is very dangerous, so help make it stop.If you care at all about stopping Drug Abuse copy the poem and add your name to this list: Ice The Angel, Tiger Mew Mew, Jojo McDodd, Pixel Alice, I'm Randomspicuous

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen

Good friends will pick you up when you fall, BEST FRIENDS will push you back down and laugh
Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry
Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"
Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you
A good friend will bail you out of jail, a great friend will be sitting next to you in your cell going "We fucked up, huh?"

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile (I did this when I went to public school, I got A LOT of weird looks, not that it was really any different from any other day in that sense though...)

If you easily finish one novel a day, copy this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile. (Almost every night)

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile (My friends laugh at me for it)

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If random songs just pop into your head at any given momet, from 'I've Been Working On the Railroad', to the Animorph version of the Barney song ~I hate you, you hate me, let’s chase Barney up a tree ect.-Personally, I like this version better~ to your most favorite song ever, copy and paste this onto your profile. (ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME!)

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile. (A girl called me weird once, I smiled and thanked her!)

If people mistake you for a vampire copy and paste this onto your profile. (I have the palest skin in the world, but oddly I’ve never had a sunburn, weird, huh?)

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile. (All the time...)

If you think that TWILGHT is the best book known to man...copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've had at least one friend move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile (As long as I’ve got my best friend, I’m good!)

If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile (Every time I meet a hot guy, otherwise I never shut-up) This is out of hate! I'm not gay!

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone ~or more than one person~ because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile (Ahem my sister)

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile (It's a world of monkeys and I am their queen, they call me Shizzle Gizzen Garr there.) (I know I'm a man, but queen sounds funnier)

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.

If there are times when you just want to annoy people for the heck of it then copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy and paste this in your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think the semi-colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!

If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in you’re profile!

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.

If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile

If you have embarrasing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.

If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that losers hate/don't get Twilight, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy this to your profile

If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward,Bella,Alice,or any other twilight names, copy this into your profile.

If you truly believe, there is an Edward Cullen or Bella Swan somewhere for you (Doesn't mean their name has to be Edward Cullen or Bella Swan), copy this into your profile.

You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you KNOW the voices in your head are real, copy and paste this onto your profile!

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the ABC's song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

If you know at least five words to the song 'I Love Rock n' Roll', put this in your profile

If you have ever attacked someone with joy, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have someone you love as a sister, copy and paste this into your profile

If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever tried to put you foot behind you head, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever busted a move/burst into song randomly, copy/paste this into your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile!

Copy the bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination,
and come join the dark side.

(We have cookies!)

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.

The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods: On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how?)
On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(But, it's just a suggestion).
On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought?...)
On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(And...I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
(Talk about a news flash!)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?
)’ from the profile of Nocturna
Princess- from evil older sister's profile

'Things To Do At Wal-Mart While You Wait For Your Family To Shop:

1. Get boxes of condoms and put them in peoples' carts when they aren't looking.

2. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor to the restrooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and announce in an official tone, "I think we have a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

4. Put some M&M's on lay-away.

5. Set up a tent in the camping department. Tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.

6. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.

7. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from 'Mission Impossible.'

8. While handling guns in the hunting department ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

9. In the auto department practice your Madonna look using different size funnels.

10. Hide in the clothing rack and when people browse through whisper 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' from the profile of 'Devonny Rose

''War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.'- anonymous

If you can read the message above paste it in your profile.

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People often ignore the simple things in life. If someone really annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown. On the other hand, it only takes 4 muscles to reach over and bitch slap that mutha fucker upside the head.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

An Education by Stargirl888 reviews
Alice and Rose decide Bella needs some advice on how to spice things up in her relationship! Think Positions, Role Play, Toys and more. M for mature content
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,921 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 63 - Updated: 3/24/2010 - Published: 9/18/2009 - Bella, Alice
BET WARS! by Mrs.Cullen42 reviews
This is a humorous story about Bella and emmett making stupid bets. It sarts out with Bella betting she can make Edward like choclate syrup in 1 week. Lemony in later chapters. EXB JXA EXR all vamp, but Bella.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 45,209 - Reviews: 514 - Favs: 186 - Follows: 197 - Updated: 5/18/2009 - Published: 6/3/2008
I kissed a girl, but had sex with her Bro by DelilahTCullen reviews
A song comes on and . .huh? Alice and Bella decide to have some fun. What does it lead to? LEMON! All vampire
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,024 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 19 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Complete
DelilahTCullen (33)
jandco (2)
sambeam (4)
wtvoc (18)