Literary Ditch
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Joined 06-22-08, id: 1612306, Profile Updated: 06-17-09
Author has written 2 stories for Doctor Who, and Discworld.

Scribimus indocti doctique poemata passim.

So... I just gabble randomly here? Right... well, er... here goes...

At this moment I've only written one fic, the Doctor Who comedy one-shot "Tuesday", which is a basic staple for what most of my writing's going to be: sci-fi and fantasy comedy a litle heavy on the science (for an example of the scienciness, I invented the salt solution used in "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Galadriel1010, after she realised she'd left Cpt. Jack nothing but vodka with which to defeat an auton). Being asexual, smut/fluff/general literary porn won't be a major part of anything I write. I may write relationships but don't expect gratuitous sex-scenes etc. Innuendo, yes - I grew up with Galadriel1010, self-crowned Second Queen of innuendo who can get a double-entendre out of "hello" and a phallucy from every fallacy.

Currently working on "Once Bitten, Twice Fly", a Discworld fic including the obligatory wide-angle look at the whole Disc (writing a Discworld book without an intro about the Great A'Tuin is like going into the music business without starting off in a skiffle band - it just doesn't work.)

Also working on another Doctor Who one, currently codenamed "The Storm Road" (until I think of anything better; if I don't, it'll stay as that), which isn't very comedic but I probably won't be able to resist a little comedy scene here and there and a second Discworld one parodying the Soviet Union and the KGB in the remaining realm of the canon "evil empire" with unexpected twistage. I might upload it from an internet café so as not to be traceable...

Didn't really think that one through...

Uploads might be a bit stop-start: although my computer now (wahey!) does internet and word processing, it's infuriating and a little bit of me dies every time I try using it (more often than not my pancreas, occasionally my hypochondrius and, on rare occasions, my right nostril); this is my AS-level year, and I do four sciences (yes, psychology IS a science) which are evil bastards with regards homework and free time; evenings not full of homework I'm usually out, so Mondays (choir), Wednesdays (morris dancing), Thursdays (another choir), and soon-to-start Tuesdays and Fridays gone too (West Side Story rehearsals), that leaves weekends, in which I almost invariably sleep. Inamongst all this, I'm trying to write a musical aswell and juggle six instruments (never more than two at once, and even then at least one has to be a tin whistle or harmonica - at last count I could play about twenty, but only regularly play six. None of these is guitar. I play the crappy background instruments that get credited in the smallprint within the smallprint and assorted folk instruments, nothing that gets regular solos in anything.) I truly am a Jack of all trades and master of bugger all. All these added together mean I only really get to upload and read in holidays and snow days, such as the one in which I wrote this lot (wahey!) and probably won't do much reading of others' whilst I've got one on the go.

I did promise innuendo.

Disclaimers appear to be an odd necessity (what with the purpose of this site being to write in the universe of a franchise you don't own hence writing it here in the first place), so here goes: I don't own any franchises and universes within which I write fanfictions. If I did, I'd upload it to fictionpress instead or take it to some poor publisher likely to lose the will to live when I do so. I do, however, own my OCs but you can feel free to use them. Currently, they are thus: Ann Yvonne Holm, Claus von Bonk and Miss von Collip.

I write so little that, at this rate, I might double my word count by writing any more in here, so I'll stop now, bid you adieu and retreat once more into the festering quagmire of my mind from whence I emerged. Cheerio!

Wind Beneath My Wings by Galadriel1010 reviews
An old Doctor Who enemy lands in Cardiff and brings someone from Jack's past along for the ride. Can they protect the Earth without his help? Not crossover, just nicked ideas.
Torchwood - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 25,352 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 7/5/2008 - Published: 5/21/2008 - Jack H., Ianto J. - Complete
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Once Bitten, Twice Fly reviews
Today doesn't look like being a good one for Ann Holm: having been a vampire less than twenty-four hours, she's already dead...
Discworld - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 15,448 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 3/11/2009 - Published: 2/2/2009
Tuesday reviews
A Doc sock one-shot
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 964 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/28/2008 - 10th Doctor, Donna N. - Complete