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Joined 06-25-08, id: 1615876, Profile Updated: 05-15-09
Author has written 4 stories for Harry Potter.
Okay, so we live in the United States, right? In this little state that borders with Canada, got it? And we're riding along at night and all of a sudden the penguin calls out, "I JUST SAW A TOUCAN!" Now, Ice cream and I(lollipop) are thinking 'oh god, she's completely delusional' and she is now going on about 'No, I really saw it! Just like there are tropical monkeys living here!' And we're like 'Ya... she's lost it.'

Stupid Labels:

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause
(One would hope!)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now I’m curious.)

On packet of Nobbys'
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(Wait, we're supposed to eat this?!)

On artificial bacon:"Real artificial bacon bits"
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

Hello there. We are here today to sell you... well, no, thats a lie, we aren't here to sell you anything. We have come to warn you. It shall be the end of the universe soon, and we thought we'd tell you why.

This is very, very important. If you think this is a joke, go die, oh wait, WE'RE ALL GOING TO!

Now to the important matter...

Bumble bees.

They're taking over. Did you know they kill? They're killer bees! KILLER! AS IN DEATH, PEOPLE!

Our friend, who speaks fluent bumble bee, has heard it all. They're planning. They want death. They want to kill. They want bloodshed, gruesome horrid man slaughter!!

Think about it, they sit there, flitting their way from flower to flower. So innocent. We're so naive to have trusted them this long.

Lolly, are you okay?


Uhm, they're just little bumble bees. And who the hell do you know who speaks bumble bee?

Erm... Ursela!

You don't even know an ursela!

Shows what you know!!

Yeah, okay lolly...

Haven't you heard of them though?? KILLER bees. Same with whales! KILLER whales! They're all out to get us!!

People are just out to make you paranoid, aren't they gabby.

No, its the killer bees... they're KILLERS. They mean DEATH. They want to rip us to shreds and inject us with their lethal poisons! THEY KILL PEOPLE EVERYDAY!


They're at least an inch! And small and deadly! They're out to get us, I tell you!!

Okay, so your friend, Ursela, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYBODY NAMED URSELA!

You also don't know that I'm a spy. Whoops! Now I have to kill you, oh wait, I'll let the killer bees do it for me!!

You're delusional. What did you eat today? Did you have coffee?

Psh. Psh. No. No, me? coffee? Never. Psh. Coffee. Me. No. What is this coffee you speak of? No, not me, no coffee, not ever. Nope, no way, no how. No coffee.

Lolly, who gave you coffee?


Runs away screaming

Okay, she just ran down the stairs and out the door so... Now normally I'm the crazy one but uhm, yeah.. read and enjoy..?

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Attaining the Broken and Unattainable by lollipopprongs reviews
James had never been a friend of Vivian LeMeuix and even after being in classes with her for five years, he would only consider himself an acquaintance to her. So what happened to make him fall for her so suddenly? JAMES POTTER THE SECOND! R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,205 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/11/2008 - Jimmy P., OC
The Life and Lies of Petunia Evans by EmpressesPenguinOfTheUniverse reviews
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a little sister be a witch! Well that is just what Petunia Evans had, this is her story from the day Liy came home to the day Harry James Potter is on her doorstep. cute story!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 3,971 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 9/21/2008 - Published: 2/12/2008 - Petunia D., Lily Evans P.
An Extreme Seventh Year Marauder Style by lollipopprongs reviews
Lily's back for her final year at Hogwarts and is finally realizing, and getting, what she wants:James Potter.But what will she lose while getting the raven haired boy?How much drama could persue these teenagers in a year?A whole lot, that's for sure
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 57,186 - Reviews: 221 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 9/16/2008 - Published: 1/7/2008 - James P., Lily Evans P.
Hazel Eyes by EmpressesPenguinOfTheUniverse reviews
You are about to be submerged into the life of Lily Evans; A girl who keeps having these awful nightmares. Who is the hazel eyed dream boy who keeps saving her? And why is James Potter covered in pie?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,319 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 9/15/2008 - Published: 6/26/2008 - Lily Evans P., James P.
Stupid things the Marauders, Sirius, do by EmpressesPenguinOfTheUniverse reviews
Sirius drinks blackcoffee, and other stupid things they do. Takes place in their 7th year. including Siruis getting amnsia!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,469 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 9/2/2008 - Published: 1/17/2008 - Sirius B., James P.
Why Sirius Black is Afraid of Nuns by lollipopprongs reviews
Sirius is afraid of nuns and freaks out when he sees one while Christmas shopping with James. James asks why Sirius is afraid of the frail old women. What a mistake that was... Rated to be safe.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,345 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 8 - Published: 8/20/2008 - Sirius B., James P. - Complete
From Sorting To Seventh by EmpressesPenguinOfTheUniverse reviews
James, Sirius, Remus and Peter start school... Become best friends... help each other with problems... get detentions ... and see how many times they can get Lily Evans to scream.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 9 - Words: 9,305 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 7/22/2008 - Published: 2/17/2008 - James P., Sirius B.
Hazel Eyes by lollipopprongs reviews
Lily has a dream where she is save by a man with beautiful hazel eyes, which she immediately falls in love with. But will the love remain when she, with the help of her friends, finds the hazel eyed beauty? Lily/James one-shot R&R
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,476 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/29/2008 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
Meals with the Marauders by lollipopprongs reviews
A weeks worth of meals, lots of food fights, lots of detentions, a little love ? Anything can happen when the Marauders are around!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,237 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 4/29/2008 - Published: 11/16/2007 - James P.
Reasons Why I Hate You, Or Love You by lollipopprongs reviews
Lily and James are arguing. Again. Lily tells James why she hates him and in return James tells her why he loves her. But Maybe Lily's hate was never really that strong... REVISED 8/8/08 one-shot. a lot of fluff. R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,368 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/8/2008 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
You Hate Me, Don't You? by lollipopprongs reviews
James sees Lily snogging someone else after she has agreed to go out with him. Why was she snogging him? Will her answer be enough to get James back? REVISED 8/8/08. oneshot. fluffy!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,682 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/21/2008 - James P., Lily Evans P. - Complete
All It Took Was One Prediction by lollipopprongs reviews
oneshot. Sirius and Lily have Divination together. What chaos will arise from this? Will one prediction be all it takes to bring Lily and James together? Sirius' POV
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,453 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/26/2007 - Sirius B., Lily Evans P. - Complete
An Extreme Summer Marauder Style by lollipopprongs reviews
Lily and her friends are at Privet Drive for the summer, but when the marauders show up in a candy shop, there could be trouble...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 49,734 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 12/16/2007 - Published: 10/28/2007 - Lily Evans P.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Return of the Babysitter reviews
It's Lily and James' anniversary and Harry's godfather gets to babysit him again. Why did Lily let James do this? How will Sirius mess up this time? Sequel to The Babysitter R&R please!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,325 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 5/4/2009 - Published: 12/10/2008 - Sirius B., Harry P.
The Babysitter reviews
What happens when James and Lily can't find a babysitter for just one night and Sirius is available? Well, Harry's learning some new words and Sirius get his first shot! Rated T for language.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,341 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 9/26/2008 - Published: 9/9/2008 - Harry P., Sirius B.
The Humorous Yet Random Afterlife of the Marauders reviews
All of our favorite fictional characters in the afterlife competing for the title of "best death"! WARNING:very AU! Special appearances by: Voldy, Dobby, Saddam Hussain, and the Black family. As well as Sirius meeting a machine gun!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,770 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 27 - Published: 9/2/2008 - Sirius B., James P.
The Snog of Deadly Misery reviews
Sirius has a particularly crazy girlfriend with a vicious family who hates dogs. Well, this is to make a truly strange tale. Sirius' PoV
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,551 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/22/2008 - Published: 7/29/2008 - Sirius B., James P.