Crystal Stones
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Joined 06-27-08, id: 1617555, Profile Updated: 11-01-10
Author has written 10 stories for Mediator, Twilight, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, and Fearless.

Hey, it’s ME! Please read through my profile, I’ve put a lot of effort into making it. It’s funny, I guarantee you that.

Name: Jen

Age: Still young

Location: Somewhere in planet Earth... don't worry. I'm not an alien. Nor have I met any.


About Me:

Favorite Books/ Series: The Hunger Games, The Mediator, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, The Specialists, Avalon High, Possessions, Pretty Little Devils, The Immortals Series, The Forbidden Game, Fallen, Hex Hall, Need, Soul Screamers, The 39 Clues, The Red Pyramid, Airhead, Maximum Ride, Sweep, Harry Potter, Teen Idol, Uglies Trilogy, Jinx, Missing, Vampire Diaries, Fearless FBI, Cherub, etc.

Favorite Movies: Avatar, Pirates of the Caribbean, Ice Age, 12 Rounds, The Spy Next Door, Madagascar, National Treasure, The Lightning Thief, G- Force, Up, Harry Potter, Night at the Museum I and II, Spiderman, Taken, Old Dogs, etc.

Favorite TV Series: Prison Break, Supernatural, Chuck, 24, Merlin, Reaper, Warehouse 13, Friends, Charmed, Alias, etc.

Favorite Artists: Paramore, Taylor Swift, Evanescence, Simple Plan, Boys Like Girls, P!nk, The Veronicas, Daughtry, etc.


I am going to discontinue plenty of my stories, since I have lost interest in them. However, I am not going to delete them. They are the following:

The Twist in the Past - I have no idea what to write next... But right, now, I feel like continuing it, but I have no plotline.

Lucky Charm? - I should have never started this fic in the first place- I have no desire to write any more of it.

Killer Portrait - Very little chance that I'm going to finish it- but I may, since it's almost finished.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians Oath

I promise to remember Percy
whenever I’m at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature
for Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
when my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
whenever I see a sign that says ''free pony ride''
I promise to remember Tyson
whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
whenever I see someone who doesn’t get along with others
I promise to remember Zoe
whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
whenever a limo passes my car.
Yes I promise to remember PJO
wherever I may go

Rules and Restrictions for Camp Halfblood

1.Chiron is not a pretty pony. Therefore it is not acceptable to dye and/or braid his mane.

2.Do not steal the Aphrodite cabin's make up, hair products, or clothing (especially Gucci)

3.Do not run past the Athena cabin screaming "SPIDERS!!"

4.Do not temp Mr. D with wine. It's not nice.

5.Never ever tell a child of Aphrodite that they're ugly.

6.Do not suggest that children of Ares need anger management classes unless you like getting pounded to bits. Even if it's true.

7.Do not suggest that girls who become hunters join because they can't get a man in front of Artemis.

8.Don't try to tell Hades that he was somehow deprived as child.

9.Never ask Apollo or his kids to perform poetry.

10.There is no need to tell Hephaestus that his wife is cheating on him. We all know any ways.

11.Children of Poseidon should never fly.

12.Children of Zeus should never sail.

13.It's not nice to mention Hera's man voice problem.

14.No one is better looking than Aphrodite and don't even try to tell her otherwise.

15.Do not anger Iris if you ever want to contact anyone.

16.No Disney stars are half bloods. And don't think differently.

17.Don't suggest that Miley Cyrus or the Jonas Brothers are children of Apollo unless you want to die in a solar flare.

18.Do not sacrifice your veggies to the gods, they don't like them either.

19.Remember calling Zeus's Fist "The Poop Pile" is frowned upon.

20.Never anger Athena: Hades hath no fury like a wisdom goddess scorned.

21.Never anger Zeus unless you want to get struck by lightning.

22.Don't visit the Underworld for "fun".

23.Temping deadly monsters to eat people you hate is not allowed.

24.It's not smart to try to pet hellhounds.

25.Do not leave anything of value in the Hermes cabin and expect it not to be stolen.

26.Don't tell new campers that you humans to the gods and not food.

27.When non-artistically talented half bloods make likenesses of their parents don't say, "WHAT is that piece of crap?!"

28.It is not acceptable to called a half blood the following names:

For kids of Zeus "lightning breath"For kids of Poseidon "kelp head"For kids of Athena "Spider man/women"For kids of Hades "ghostly pale wonder" (even if they do need a tan)For kids of Apollo "little miss sunshine" (especially if it's a guy)For kids of Hephaestus "Bob the builder"

29.Never anger Poseidon unless you wish to drown.

30.Never maim or kill some one in capture the flag even if they deserve it.

31.Don't steal Zeus's Master Lightning Bolt just to see what would happen. Been there, done that.

55 Annoying Things to do in an Elevator Guaranteed to Piss Off Other People

1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
2. STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.
3. WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.
4. GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.
5. MEOW occasionally.
6. STARE at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly
7. SAY ‘ding!’ at each floor.
8. SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9. MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10. STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."
11. WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12. TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13. DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."
14. WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.
15. PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
16. ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17. HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"
18. DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"
19. BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20. PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
21. SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22. CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
23. MAKE car race noises when someone gets on or off.
24. CONGRATULATE all for being in the same lift with you.
25. GRIMACE painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, all of you just shut UP!"
26. WALK on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. WHILE the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
28. LET your cell phone ring - don't answer it.
29. WALK into the lift and say "This reminds me of being buried alive. Ah, those were the days..."
30. TAKE shoes off before entering. Then look shocked and disgusted when the others don't.
31. ASK people which floor they want, say in 'Who want to be a millionaire' style is that your final answer.
32. ALSO in your bellboy act, ask what floor they want. Whatever they say, give them a glare and say "you should be ashamed of yourself!", and leave the lift tutting.
33. ENTER the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat. Act offended when they tell you you’re not wearing anything and accuse them of lying.
34. TELL people that you can see their aura.
35. WHEN the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay. Don't panic, they open up again."
36. ANNOUNCE in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
37. DRESS up in a long, black cloak with a hood, stare and in a deep voice announce "It is time...”
38. START breathing heavily and grab your chest when someone walks in. Then stumble out gasping for air
39. WHEN someone comes in ask them to press 5 or 6 different floors
40. GET in and don't press any buttons. Wait for the elevator to be called somewhere and repeat 39.
41. IF you are the only one in the elevator, press all of the buttons and stand, staring at the door, waiting for someone to come.
42. LAUGH maniacally whenever anyone looks at you and say you're here for the mental health convention.
43. LAY down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
44. LEAVE a box in the corner, and when someone gets on; ask them if they can hear ticking.
45. WEAR a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
46. LISTEN to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
47. DO the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.
48. PLACE potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not feng shui."
49. HUM the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.
50. BRING a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.
51. DRUM on every available surface.
52. WRITE a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.
53. SAY "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it. A few seconds after, put it back in your pocket and announce to other passengers that you were talking to your pet monkey in jail.
54. COME on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."
55. EVERY time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.

For some reason, whenever I read it, I always picture Emmett. :D


1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring an iPhone. Play music with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out loud and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Snore. Loudly.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

34. Hum the tune of "It's a Small World."

35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.

36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.

37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.

39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if heshe did it.

42. Dress like the professor.

43. Cross-Dress.

44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

Proof of the Existence of Stupidity

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Oh, but that saves so much time!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be...)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds with head colds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(And I'm taking this why?)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(Hmm...Something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to what? No doors?)

On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(Captain Obvious strikes again)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Jesus had no servants, yet they called Him Master...

He had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher...

He had no medicine, yet they called Him Healer...

He had no army, yet kings feared Him...

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world...

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him...

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

Feel honored to serve such a leader who loves us...

If you believe in the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit then copy and paste this in your profile.

If you ignore Him, in the Holy Bible, Jesus says...

"If you deny Me before man, I will deny you before My Father in Heaven..."

If it wasn't for God, our week would be Sinday, Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Frightday, and Shatterday.

So true!


We have an Emergency. All We Know is falling and I can feel the Pressure now. For a Pessimist, Im Pretty Optimistic but Thats What You Get. I thought you loved me, but Let the Flames Begin. I'm leaving you and going back to Franklin. I need a Miracle, and some new Fences acting as a barrier so this wont happen again. Hey, now I have a new CrushCrushCrush. I was Born For This, for feeling hurt and alone, and I will Never Let This Go. I loved you. My Heart is fragile, and I've gone to say Whoa too many times. I know my days will be Brighter. Just scream Hallelujah and don't give up. Your guy better not start any Misery Business and any Conspiracy, because I know if you find that happening, You'll be yelling We Are Broken. Oh, Here We Go Again.

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid 12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

The Tree of Knowledge…

are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree. The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality they are amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

The best poem! HA!

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Sugar is sweet,
And so are you,
But the roses are wilting,
The violets are dead,
The sugar bowl's empty,
And so is your head.

Probably One of the Sweetest Things Ever…

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life


30 Good Reasons why GIRLS are always the BEST

1. We got off the Titanic first

2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.

3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours.

4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.

5. We can cry and get off speeding fines.

6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game.

7. Taxis stop for us.

8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.

9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.

10. Free drinks, free dinners, free movies ... (you get the point).

11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay.

12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay.

13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.

14. Its possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.

15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves.

16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.

17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt.

18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.

19. We have ways of getting what we want easily.

20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute.

21. It's a little bit better if you tell a girl you look act like a guy compared to telling a guy you act like a girl. Get it?

22. We have the ability to dress ourselves.

23. We have style.

24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot.

25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth.

26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems.

27. We'll never regret piercing our ears.

28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.

29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark.

30. There's the saying "Ladies first."

Mathematical proof of the Grand Theory of the Evilness of Girls:

girls = time x money (Girls are time and money)

BUT time = money (Time is money)

THEREFORE girls = money squared

BUT money = square root of evil (Money is the root of all evil)

THEREFORE girls = square root of evil squared

THEREFORE girls = evil

Stuff That Makes You Think

· What disease did cured ham have?

· Why do we say we "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every hour and a half?

· Why are they called marbles if they're made out of glass?

· What color hair do bald men put on their driver's license?

· How do you throw away a garbage can?

· When two airplanes almost collide, why is it a "near miss"? Shouldn't it be a "near hit"?

· Why do we shut up, but quiet down?

· How did the "Keep off the Grass" sign get there in the first place?

Interesting and insane laws:

Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a 500 dollar fine. (Hmm... I'm not that sure all of the suicide terrorists will be scared off by that.)

It is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants. (What... the...)

It is illegal to allow a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. (Whoever passed this law was obviously half-asleep.)

It is illegal to allow a pet cat to run loose without a taillight.

It is illegal to carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock. (Oh great. Looks like we'll have to wait an extra hour to have lunch then.)

It is illegal to drive a motor vehicle on city streets unless a man with a lantern is walking ahead of it. (In that case most of the world should be locked up in prison.)

It is illegal to eat in a place that is on fire. (I'm sure we'll all be thinking of our stomachs when the building's on fire.)

It is illegal to purchase an alcoholic beverage after midnight on Sunday, yet one may do so on Monday. (Makes sense if you think about it, but on first impression...)

It is illegal to purchase or use Sparklers in the city, yet you can buy fully disassembled automatic machine guns. (This might be better off in the "Only in America" section.)

It is illegal to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool. (A pity. That's a novelty I'd pay money to see.)

It is illegal to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale. (Strange, but not illogical until you take into account that there is no coastline at all in the state in which this is a law...)

It is illegal to wake a fireman when he is asleep. (AHH! HELP! FIRE!)

The penalty for jumping off a building is death. (Whoever came up with this? We should give him a Nobel Prize for such a masterful logical conclusion.)

Take Time to Read Each Sentence

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now read the THIRD word of every line!

The Six Truths Of Life

1. You can't lick all of your teeth with your tongue.

2. You just tried to do the above.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're realizing you're an idiot.

5. You'll copy this into your profile for some other sucker to read it.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.


FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!"

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your shit and tells you, "My's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Are only through highschool/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will help me find my way when I'm lost
BEST FRIENDS: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

FRIENDS: Will help me learn to drive
BEST FRIENDS: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

FRIENDS: Will watch my pets when I go away
BEST FRIENDS: Won't let me go away

FRIENDS: Will help me up when I fall down
BEST FRIENDS: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

FRIENDS: Hides me from the cops
BEST FRIENDS: Is probably the reason they’re after me in the first place

FRIENDS: lets me make an idiot of myself in public
BEST FRIENDS: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Quotes ‘n’ Stuff

I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

The below statement is true.
The above statement is false.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

Regular lions say ROAARR. Angry lions say BLARGAROARIMMAEATYOU. Sad lions say roooaaar. Mountain lions say: OMGEDWARDCULLENRUN!

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome torture on screen. The other was just about a guy with a saw.

Growing old is mandatory, Growing up is optional.

A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.

Remember this, if someone is bothering you. It takes 40 muscles to frown, but it takes only three to stick up your middle finger and say, "Bite me!" (What if they actually do? Hmm… You use more muscles to scream bloody murder of course.)

A wise man once said, “I don't know, go ask the women!" (Yes, you have to admit women are better. Very smart of him. I’ll go give him a cookie.)

Men are like slinkies. They bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton

You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

I live in a world full of bunnies and unicorns...but the bunnies are cutting themselves and the unicorns are acting all emo again

My best friends are the kind, that if my house was on fire, they'd be roasting marshmellows and flirting with the firemen. But you gotta love 'em, right?

My imaginary friend thinks you have a very serious problem...

364 days a year, parents tell children not to take candy from strangers. On Halloween, they tell us to go wild. What's up with that?

Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Jonah. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Jonah.

There is nothing more depressing than a hollow chocolate bunny.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

You can't have any of my nothing!

When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn’t take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face. (…)

If every cloud has a silver lining, then hundreds of people have been struck by lightning looking for it. (Ooh! Where’s the silver- AAH! I JUST GOT STRUCK BY LIGHTNING!! Oh yeah, real smooth.)

The harder you try, the dumber you look.

If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you’re not alone. And yet, you are alone. So very alone... (Hello… lo… lo… lo… echo… echo…)

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE its weird.

Smile at people you don’t like, it makes them wonder what you did...

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young. (And they sure wish they could, too.)

I'm not random; I just have many tho- OOH A SQUIRREL!

Elmo knows where you live!

My knight in shining armour turned out to be a loser in aluminium foil.

BRB, I'm busy trying to jump off the roof with the kitchen broom.

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss. (And break some bones in the progress…)

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling.

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from. (YOU’RE EXPELLED!!)

Hand over the chocolate or I will sing. (glass shatters)

I believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life?

Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff…

I'm not afraid of Death, what's it gonna do kill me?

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me. (Floor: You bet I do… Your feet stink.)

Go hug a cactus!

It's all fun and games until the flying monkeys attack. (Eek! It just stole my banana!)

Don't worry. When you have kids of your own, you forgive your parents.

All girls listen up! Remember the seven B’s: Books Before Boys Because Boys Bring Babies… Or, if you want, it could go: Boys Before Books Because Books Bring Boredom. It’s your pick.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.

Of course I'm talking to myself. Who else can I trust? (Me. Yes, I only trust me, which is why I’m talking to myself.)

You think you're all that and a bag of chips. Well I'm all that and a bag of skittles. So taste my rainbow, loser!

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. (Right? Right?)

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

Did you just call me a bitch? Because a bitch is a dog. Dogs bark. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. And nature is beautiful. I know I'm beautiful! Thanks for the complement.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, friends before guys.

If you get scared at a movie, just throw candy at the people sitting in front of you. (That way, they’ll get mad at you, and you’ll have another thing to be scared of.)

When someone says to try to take a walk in their shoes, just roll your eyes and say their shoes are too small.

Yeah! I love wearing straight jackets, too! I get to hug myself!

The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

Death is God's way of saying you're fired. Suicide is a human's way of saying you can't fire me, I quit.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.

Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse!

Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear. (One… Two… Three… Fo- #!+)

Education is important; school however, is another matter.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Boys are like slinkies, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs. (YES! They so are.)

I ran with scissors, and lived!

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, and I laugh even harder.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Now that is a cooler form of exercise!)

People who act friendly have an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination.

If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese? (Good question.)

When two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? (Another good question.)

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn't exist.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

Congratulations! You’ve reached the end. If you read everything, get a cookie from my cookie jar. But if you didn’t read everything yet you stole a cookie… I’ll hunt you down. And demand a refund. And then proceed to kick your butt. So don’t bother stealing… I’m watching you…

Okay, so please read my stories! I try to update them as soon as I can. I am working on a sequel to The Elites. I'm also working on another Twlight fic. Please read that! The Elites: Undercover Hacker, Starlight and Saving Will are finished. Twilight Holidays will only be updated when there is a holiday. The rest are going to be discontinued with a slight chance of continuation. Please review my stories! I love reviews! :D

Okay, that’s it for now! If I have any important stuff I need to post, I’ll place it here. Until then… please read and review!


Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Evening Falls by Ava Sinclair reviews
Elisa was once an everyday Twilight fangirl, but now, inexplicably, she's become a part of Edward and Bella's world. Her struggle to fit into her new life, however, may become a fight to survive that neither she nor Bella may win...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 283,257 - Reviews: 628 - Favs: 238 - Follows: 261 - Updated: 3/20/2014 - Published: 5/9/2008
Emmett's Guide to Survive High School by TheBoleynLegacy reviews
With these tips invented by Emmett you are guaranteed to survive the most agonizing, miserable and painful years of your life, otherwise known as high school. co-author:Pink Vampire Skittle
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 57 - Words: 20,355 - Reviews: 325 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 7/27/2013 - Published: 3/29/2008 - Emmett
Seeking Stardom by Moondancing Millie reviews
AU. The world of showbiz is tough, and Suze Simon has just signed a deal with the devil to get her piece. But fame comes at a price and now the new guy at school Jesse De Silva has to help her pay.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 30,667 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 5/12/2013 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Susannah S.
Escaping Death by TheBoleynLegacy reviews
When Bella Swan is the only witness of a horrible murder, she is in terrible danger. She is put under the Witness Protection Program and has to leave her loved ones and move to Forks. But is the danger really over?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 14,225 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 11/21/2011 - Published: 3/15/2009 - Bella, James
Welcome to Drama Academy by twilightluver001 reviews
All the girls in East Coast Academy wanted one thing- the king, the playboy of the school,EDWARD CULLEN. What happens when the beautiful Isabella arrives and Edward is determined to make her his? Will she fall for the playboy? All HUMAN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,055 - Reviews: 13050 - Favs: 6,182 - Follows: 2,784 - Updated: 11/7/2011 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Parent Trap Cullen Style by NOT.ALL.BLONDS.R.DUM reviews
B&E got a divorce 12yrs ago. only problem is that they had twins. what happens when they meet @ camp and take instant hating 2 each other? with E starting a relationship bak home the only way the girls can save their parents is 4 them 2 c each other again
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,686 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 10/2/2011 - Published: 5/26/2009 - Bella, Edward
Assassins: The Game of Love by Just Call Me Mrs Cullen reviews
At the stroke of midnight our favorite Twilight characters lives will be forever altered- by a game nonetheless. What happens when Bella, Edward and the rest sign up for a cross campus game of Assassins? Read to find out! Full summary inside! ALL HUMAN
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 36,111 - Reviews: 750 - Favs: 295 - Follows: 299 - Updated: 7/24/2011 - Published: 10/20/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A f t e r G l o w by LolliliciousLolly reviews
Jesse, tired of being invisible to his Susannah, makes a Faustian deal with Paul Slater: newly resurrected, Jesse has three days to make Susannah fall in love with him. But when has Paul played by the rules...even his own? "Fairytales" Writing Challenge
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 9 - Words: 22,576 - Reviews: 145 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 6/21/2011 - Published: 2/6/2008 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse
Solitary Intentions by Shaps reviews
What's a girl to do when three beautiful men happen to break into your house, intent on robbing you blind? Beg for mercy... run for it... try to fight... seduce them...? AH, AU. Rotating POV's - very well written.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 18,622 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 6/15/2011 - Published: 5/23/2011
On the Inside by ummmm26 reviews
COMPLETE! Bella, Alice, and Rosalie are the populars, and Edward, Emmett, and Jasper are the nerds. Will the girls learn not to judge them on their appearance, but what is on the inside? Guys are vampires, girls are humans.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 26,575 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 6/7/2011 - Published: 11/20/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Returning Relative by Shaps reviews
My Pen Pal sequel.AU/AH/Canon pairs. Senior year at Forks begins.Bella's cousin Vanessa comes to stay, upsetting social standings, new relationships and everything in general. Where did she come from? Why does she look beaten? Why does she hate Jacob so?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 68,069 - Reviews: 689 - Favs: 245 - Follows: 338 - Updated: 5/6/2011 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Bella, Renesmee C./Nessie
My Ex ExBoyfriend by Just a Female reviews
Edward's back after two years and wants to get back together with Bella again. Problem is, Bella doesn't want him back. Or maybe she's just lying to herself? Set in an alternate universe with a lot of out-of-character characters and no vampires. Edited.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,745 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 5/1/2011 - Published: 8/1/2010 - Bella, Edward
Criminal Injustice by Angel.By.Day-Devil.By.Night reviews
Three years ago there was a terrible car accident in Carmel, California. Jack Slater was killed, Maria Diego seriously hurt...and Jesse DeSilva sentenced to jail for dangerous driving. Now he's getting out and with his release secrets are revealed.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,793 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 3/19/2011 - Published: 2/19/2010 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse
Smell the Roses by rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe reviews
FBI Agent Swan needs to catch the culprit behind the murders in NYC, even if she has to go undercover as Edward's - the man she hates - fiancee. NOW COMPLETE! Sequel is called Finding the Roses
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 20 - Words: 37,817 - Reviews: 961 - Favs: 538 - Follows: 417 - Updated: 1/8/2011 - Published: 12/16/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Elementary, My Dear Cullen by Hauptmann Holmes reviews
Carlisle brings an "old friend" to Forks to stay for a while. While he is there a baffling mystery pops up. So baffling, in fact, that only the greatest detective of all time could solve it. Luckily he's there... Third category: crime
Crossover - Sherlock Holmes & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,092 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 12/8/2010 - Published: 7/1/2008 - Sherlock Holmes, Bella - Complete
Mike Meet My Husband? by countrydoglover reviews
Bella Swan is attending a ball like party, when Mike Newton starts talking to her. Bella, in an act of desperation, grabs the closest guy pretending he is her husband. How will the green eyed man react? ALL HUMAN!More is sure to unfold...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 35,253 - Reviews: 1513 - Favs: 1,302 - Follows: 654 - Updated: 12/6/2010 - Published: 12/10/2008 - Complete
If Everything was a Piece of Cake by verycaren reviews
Bella heads to LA to study culinary. Her flatmates became her best friends and could the boy she met eight years ago be falling for her? Full of Emmett tipsy-ness! Love wouldn't be as much fun if everything was a piece of cake. Canon pairings, all human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,052 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 11/7/2010 - Published: 9/27/2009 - Edward, Bella
A Mistletoe Christmas by verycaren reviews
Oneshot. Christmas with or without a mistletoe will always be magical. Edward, Bella and the rest of the group get snowed in inside the Cullen house. Funny, fluff. R&R, All human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,224 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 11/7/2010 - Published: 12/24/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Dusk and Dawn by verycaren reviews
The train takes Bella to a place where she least expected to fall for someone like Edward Cullen. A few weeks later, a tragedy causes them to go separate ways. Things get a little complicated after they meet each other again after two years. AH/ExB/R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 29 - Words: 64,997 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 99 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 11/7/2010 - Published: 10/29/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Twilight Chronicles by Jammeke reviews
Things the character would say—if I had anything to say about it.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 9,736 - Reviews: 529 - Favs: 486 - Follows: 134 - Updated: 10/1/2010 - Published: 1/8/2009 - Complete
Revenge is Sweeter by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles reviews
After a very public break up in the school parking lot that involves Bella showing her underwear to the whole school, Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan declare war. Remaining friends with the ex? So not an option...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 44,935 - Reviews: 1917 - Favs: 648 - Follows: 569 - Updated: 9/22/2010 - Published: 8/26/2009 - Edward, Bella
Next, Please by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
It's summertime in NYC. The sidewalk's hot, the coffee's hot. The stupid, sexy, smirking guy who always sits with a coffee and a newspaper, and has a gorgeous body with an accent to die for, is totally hot. And, apparently, he knows Susannah's secret.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 24,279 - Reviews: 335 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 139 - Updated: 9/3/2010 - Published: 8/10/2008 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse
Look Past the Veil of Hate by MyLifeIsEdwardCullen reviews
All Human. Edward and Bella used to be best friends. Now they hate each other or so the other thinks . Will they realize what they’re missing out on and finally get together? Better than it sounds, give it a try!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 20 - Words: 78,729 - Reviews: 2806 - Favs: 773 - Follows: 728 - Updated: 8/17/2010 - Published: 10/18/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Foreign Hottie by blackxout reviews
Edward Cullen is a foreign exchange student from London who comes to live with the Swans for a whole year. Bella Swan couldn’t be anymore upset over the fact that a boy has to share a room with her. Could her feelings toward him ever change? OOC.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 46,181 - Reviews: 4990 - Favs: 2,631 - Follows: 2,776 - Updated: 8/12/2010 - Published: 4/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
New Chatroom: Camp by TheBrooksterbird reviews
not all chatroom. actually aded a plot. Percy has a sister. the only problem is that she and another Half-blood are being held captive by a monster created by a kid with the power to creat terrable monsters. still has chatrooms in it.just not all chatroom
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,094 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 8/10/2010 - Published: 4/11/2010
The Sapphire Amulet by ebtwisty9 reviews
AU: Ship watcher Bella is kidnapped onto a pirate ship where the captain, Edward, had sworn to never let a woman except for his family to set foot. Can Bella prove her worth? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 70,252 - Reviews: 1920 - Favs: 1,598 - Follows: 1,040 - Updated: 7/29/2010 - Published: 3/30/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Twilight Characters visit the set of TWILIGHT! by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles reviews
Woah! Why do Bella and Edward have mega-phones? Why is Catherine pulling her hair out? And you know that deer out the start of the movie? Who knew, but he's a DI-VA!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 26 - Words: 13,419 - Reviews: 523 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 7/4/2010 - Published: 5/17/2009
Of the Alphabet and Boredom by Manic Pixie reviews
A child of the Big Three's first guide to the alphabet, as written by Nico, Thalia, and Percy.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,408 - Reviews: 240 - Favs: 568 - Follows: 98 - Published: 6/25/2010 - Nico A., Percy J. - Complete
Rockstar Bella by Twi.MaxRide.Crazy reviews
Bella is a superstar. What happens when Alice drags her brother, Edward, into one of her concerts and has backstage passes?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 31,984 - Reviews: 237 - Favs: 110 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 5/26/2010 - Published: 3/28/2009
Cullens on Camp! by luvin'stuff reviews
What happens when everyone's favourite vampires have to go camping? And this time, it's for real
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 13,325 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 4/30/2010 - Published: 2/15/2009
Only Human by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Complete. A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward. This story is baby-free.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 60,635 - Reviews: 5916 - Favs: 9,735 - Follows: 2,511 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Changing Prejudices by IHateCleanBreaks reviews
Bella is the night manager at a luxurious, but small hotel. She is not easily impressed by celebrities. Edward is a hotshot movie star who has forgotten that the world does not revolve around him. He books a room in her hotel. AH. COMPLETE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 35 - Words: 109,600 - Reviews: 1494 - Favs: 1,834 - Follows: 817 - Updated: 2/28/2010 - Published: 9/8/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Hitman by JustBella reviews
Bella ends up falling in love, only to find out that he had been planning to kill her. Going to college is hard, going to college with someone trying to kill you is harder. Rated T only for Cursing
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,788 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 1/28/2010 - Published: 1/21/2010 - Bella, Edward
88 things the Twilight movie has taught us! by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles reviews
Twilight? Not educational? YEAH RIGHT!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 2,109 - Reviews: 816 - Favs: 316 - Follows: 171 - Updated: 1/27/2010 - Published: 8/10/2009
Emmett Humors Us All by MyLifeIsEdwardCullen reviews
A Series of One-Shots which explores how funny and sometime dumb Emmett is! Better than it sounds. Give it a try! Sometime AH.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,263 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 1/5/2010 - Published: 10/18/2009 - Emmett
The Demigod Challenge by Aangsty.Aangster.Reloaded.PWN reviews
Welcome to the first season of Demigod Challenge, a new reality series on Hephaestus TV. Thirty-two Demigods have been chosen to compete in a tournament that challenges you physically and mentally. Only one will win. Please R&R. Percabeth and more!
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,544 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/4/2010 - Published: 12/29/2009 - Percy J., Annabeth C.
Epic Fail: Adventures of the Olympic Nutjobs by Aangsty.Aangster.Reloaded.PWN reviews
From Apollo's haiku to The Stoll Brother's prank to Polyphemus's epic stupidity to the Party Ponies Antics, this fanfic accounts for it all. I am strongly against OOC.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 388 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/20/2009 - Apollo
La La Land by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
AU. Fresh out of college, Suze and her best friend Gina move to LA to start living their life. Once she gets there, however, Suze has a very important decision to make: sophisticated and suave lawyer Paul, or super sexy rocker boy Jesse.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,688 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 19 - Published: 12/18/2009 - Susannah S.
When He Looked At Her by Lost in Believing reviews
When he looked at her, he was scared. When he looked at her, things made sense. When he looked at her, he saw everything -Jacob's perspective at everything when his world is falling apart during New Moon.- Oneshot. Based off of Jacob in the Movie
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,231 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/28/2009 - Jacob - Complete
You Belong With Me, That's The Way I Loved You by sarahandkate reviews
Ex. from Ch.10 "Oh Edward, finally!" The word came out into a whisper before I leaned forward crashing my lips to his for the first time with love. EDWARD & BELLA. AH. Based on Tayor Swift's "You Belong With Me" and "The Way I Loved You".
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 91,092 - Reviews: 679 - Favs: 255 - Follows: 220 - Updated: 11/1/2009 - Published: 1/5/2009 - Edward, Bella
The Waitress by TwiHard24 reviews
“It’s caviar,” I told her easily.A-dur.“I know that, but what is it?” she snapped. Well Miss Priss, I don’t really like your attitude.“Unborn fish spawn,” I told her just as she took a bite into it.One connecting door, 3 boys, and 3 girls. AH B/E A/J R/E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 17,974 - Reviews: 518 - Favs: 281 - Follows: 315 - Updated: 10/18/2009 - Published: 6/23/2009 - Bella, Edward
Love Story by percabethatw reviews
Okay, this is just a parody of Love Story by Taylor Swift that I made for my other fanfic Demigod Karaoke Night. I figured I'd post it :D
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: K - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 444 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10/13/2009 - Annabeth C., Percy J. - Complete
No Way by TwiHard24 reviews
Ah! The monkey stole my bananas!""Don't let the squirrel touch my nuts!""My wand! I thought Esme threw it away after I tried to shove it down Jasper's throat!" The Cullen's are back to school. Can Bella resist helping Emmett with his pranking? Hilarious!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,740 - Reviews: 502 - Favs: 325 - Follows: 282 - Updated: 10/12/2009 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Emmett, Bella
Character Theme Songs According To Emmett by TwiHard24 reviews
What happens when Emmett has the brilliant idea of making personalized mixed CD's for the entire family? What songs does he chose for who? How does the Volturie react when they recieve there? Why did he color-code them? Hilarious! More Chapters coming!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,803 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 138 - Updated: 9/30/2009 - Published: 5/30/2009
Dinner At The Ackerman's by Bunnylass reviews
Oneshot request by XxGraysonGirlxX. Missing scene from end of Twilight. Nervous about going to dinner with Suze's family, Jesse is soon plunged into the drama and chaos of a family meal. Making him feel for the first time in too long, part of a family...
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,039 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 8 - Published: 9/26/2009 - Hector de Silva/Jesse, Susannah S. - Complete
Pink Fluffy Pencil Case by CrystalBrooke reviews
AH. No one talks to Edward Cullen. He's the weird emo kid with the sexy hair and black skinny jeans. He denies he wears guyliner, but he totally does. Bella is the new girl, and doesn't get why he hates her. Never judge a person by their pencil case...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 47,495 - Reviews: 2789 - Favs: 2,059 - Follows: 1,241 - Updated: 9/17/2009 - Published: 1/12/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Canzone di Anima by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
AU. Bella has always known that vampires exist - how could she not, living in a place like Forks? - just as she's always known that they are monsters. But then the Cullens arrive, and Edward is determined to convince Bella that he's different.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 14,302 - Reviews: 98 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 8/22/2009 - Published: 8/31/2008 - Bella, Edward
Dreaming of a Fairytale by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
In a kingdom rife with revolution, Susannah Simon fights for the chance to live her childhood dream. Then a handsome distraction - a mysterious exile whose smile haunts her current dreams - makes himself known and soon all her fantasies could become real.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,329 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 8/15/2009 - Published: 11/13/2008 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse
Twice Upon a Time by Hot n' Exotic reviews
AU. Suze Simon and her family move into a scenic little town where the eldest son of the rejected Spanish family catches her eye. Will their attraction grow into something more beautiful or will society's dominating clutches keep them apart forever? JS.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,695 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 10/12/2008
Guardian Angel by Hot n' Exotic reviews
AU. Suze Simon is captured by the unexpected attackers of her sleepy hometown. Left amidst ruthless men, her only hope at life is her handsome captor, Captain Jesse de Silva. But can she truly trust him to protect her from his own kinsmen? JS.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 13,572 - Reviews: 142 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 7/22/2009 - Published: 12/7/2008 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse
My Bad Boy by Angel.By.Day-Devil.By.Night reviews
Jesse a 21 year old bad boy suddenly turns up in Carmel and much to Suze's displeasure she has to show him about. He's cocky, he's forward and worst of all...he's hot. Can she tame is rebellious streak or will the ghost that arrives make things worse?
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 45,537 - Reviews: 347 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 7/16/2009 - Published: 8/24/2007 - Complete
Mysterious Girl by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
Jesse De Silva is the best PI at the O'Neil agency, so it's really no surprise he was chosen to investigate the latest case, Paul Slater. However, his partner turns out to be his greatest rival and now he has to choose between his job, or his heart ...
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 18,842 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 7/13/2009 - Published: 10/12/2007 - Hector de Silva/Jesse, Susannah S. - Complete
Stuck! by Annilaia reviews
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 11,759 - Reviews: 1433 - Favs: 2,098 - Follows: 790 - Updated: 7/11/2009 - Published: 4/16/2008 - Complete
Vampire in the Kitchen by Patronus Charm reviews
Jane discovers her love of cookie. Only problem is, it's got some erm.... intresting side effects. OOC with an extra does of funny. Nominated the Indie TwiFic Best Use of Comdey Award. VOTE JULY 8TH! UPDATE COMING SOON!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,670 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 7/5/2009 - Published: 7/28/2008
Stay Alive: Cullen Version by danielleanne reviews
The Cullens play a video game that turns out to be cursed. People are turning up dead and an unknown source is trying to kill the vampires. Can they save humanity from this virtual nightmare? There's only one rule in this game and that is to Stay Alive.
Crossover - Twilight & Stay Alive - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,323 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 6/30/2009 - Published: 3/4/2008
Conversations by cool-gal95 reviews
Charlie comes home one day to hear a certain conversations between Bella and...nope not Edward......but EMMETT! Not AU. All cannon pairings. Charlie's POV. Rated T for Charlie's overly active imagination D ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,111 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 9 - Published: 6/29/2009 - Bella, Emmett - Complete
The Legend Of George, The Toaster by FuzzySlipper19 reviews
The toaster starts talking to Bella... What will Edward think? This story takes place right after Eclipse. I do not own Twilight, Twilight's characters, or any quotes that I may use from the book.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 27,013 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 6/24/2009 - Published: 8/31/2008 - Bella, Edward
By Merlin's Beard! by MagicByMerlin reviews
Merlin wakes up one morning to find himself with a huge beard, greying hair and a sudden urge to wear a pointy hat…
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,051 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 6 - Published: 6/20/2009 - Merlin, Arthur - Complete
Prank on Jacob! IM Style by Twi.MaxRide.Crazy reviews
Edward and Bella decide to pull a prank on Jacob...That's technically it. LOL.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 12,737 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 6/17/2009 - Published: 2/4/2009 - Complete
Camp Cullen by TwiHard24 reviews
Bella,Alice,and Rosalie are spending their summer at Camp Cullen. They meet some guys...will sparks fly or is that just Bella trying to burn holes in the back of Edward's head? It's an all out prank war. Who will win and what's really the prize?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 20 - Words: 44,391 - Reviews: 978 - Favs: 630 - Follows: 342 - Updated: 6/15/2009 - Published: 10/18/2008
Wish Upon A Star by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
So I'm like a male Cinderella?" Edward asked sarcastically. The woman smiled wickedly. "Exactly. Only your wish doesn't end at midnight. It's permanent. So I suggest you think it through first." Edward didn't hesitate. "I want it." All Human E/B Hiatus.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 22,132 - Reviews: 787 - Favs: 397 - Follows: 541 - Updated: 6/14/2009 - Published: 1/16/2009 - Edward, Bella
Fly Guy by MagicByMerlin reviews
Arthur is infuriated by an infuriating fly that infuriates people by buzzing infuriatingly around their heads. It’s all very infuriating…
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 979 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 7 - Published: 6/8/2009 - Arthur, Merlin - Complete
Things To Ponder by Lost in Believing reviews
Ever heard those questions that make you think outside of your mind? Can you get cornered in a round room? Why is Emmett named Emmett? The Cullens are faced with these questions and answer in a very Culleny fashion...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,315 - Reviews: 157 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 6/7/2009 - Published: 1/16/2009
Let's Eat Cake by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
Jesse and Susannah hear an interesting song on the radio. Birthday gift for the amazing Moondancing Millie. Happy Birthday!
Mediator - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,128 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/5/2009 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse - Complete
Can't Have You by Lost in Believing reviews
AU. He wants her blood. She has learned to fight for her life. He is a deadly killer. Her senses are sharpened. His diet is the blood of animals, but now he is after her. She can control blood in a body for her will. He isn't human. Neither is she. E&B
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,530 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 5/22/2009 - Published: 3/3/2009 - Bella, Edward
A day In Forks by Msz.Awesome reviews
Bella Swan, Alice Cullen, and Rosalie Hale are BFF'S. There're new at Forks High and want to be confident, especially Bella. Bella likes Edward but he's a player sometimes. Can she change him? Does she get sucked in his web? Or does she find a way out?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,682 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 5/20/2009 - Published: 5/8/2009 - Bella, Edward
Imp Invasion by MagicByMerlin reviews
In which Arthur's room in overrun by gremlins so he and Merlin declare war.
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,310 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 13 - Published: 5/17/2009 - Merlin, Arthur - Complete
Charlie Swan is taking 'Parental Control! by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles reviews
So we all know MTV's 'Parental Control? *Evil Minions nod heads* And we all know Charlie HATES Edward? *more nodding* So he's taking control! But who is the contestant pale with the obviously fake moustache? And why does he look so familiar?....
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 4,676 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 5/14/2009 - Published: 4/25/2009 - Complete
The Incident of The Plums by MagicByMerlin reviews
Poor Arthur has had a row with his father and Merlin tries to cheer him up with a bit of innocent pranking...
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 948 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 12 - Published: 4/27/2009 - Arthur, Merlin - Complete
The Eye of the Storm by luvvampluvdog reviews
There is a hurricane in the Atlantic. To keep safe, Edward goes to a storm shelter. Who will he meet there? Part of a six POV story
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,517 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 4/26/2009 - Published: 10/31/2008
The Eye of the Storm by Book2romantic reviews
Or, Finding Love Down a Rabbit Hole. Running from everything you knew, how surprised can you be by something unexpected? All human. ExB, EmxR, AxJ. Written collaboratively with multiple authors.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 16,978 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 4/20/2009 - Published: 11/1/2008
The Banister Of Impending Doom by MagicByMerlin reviews
Arthur is bored and that usually means trouble, some form of torture or both. This is the latter. I pity poor Merlin...
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,019 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 106 - Follows: 16 - Published: 4/20/2009 - Merlin, Arthur - Complete
The Eye Of The Storm by Shaps reviews
AH, OOCish, AU. Alice's POV. Morehead City, North Carolina, is about to get hit by a category one cyclone. Alice goes there only because of a vision, but she'll stay there because of who she meets...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 20,503 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 4/20/2009 - Published: 10/31/2008 - Alice, Jasper
Cullen's Easter by xXchampXx reviews
What happens when Bella gets an Easter basket from every Cullen. How will Emmett's be messed up. RXR
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 814 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 6 - Published: 4/15/2009 - Complete
The Game by Cheeky Kisses reviews
Kei thought of a new game and he challenged Hikari to it. “Does this make your heart beat faster?” he leaned closer to her face, which flushed red. She pressed her lips on his, “Did that make your heart beat faster?”
S.A - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,651 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 166 - Follows: 36 - Published: 4/15/2009 - Kei T., Hikari H. - Complete
50 Things To Do When You're Bored by Lost in Believing reviews
50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Cullen Style. You never know what could happen in the Cullen Household. Hilarity ensured for some chapters. Sometimes other people are brought into the craziness...All 50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Now Complete!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 52 - Words: 76,434 - Reviews: 3228 - Favs: 946 - Follows: 437 - Updated: 4/13/2009 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Complete
Cullen Academy by Lost in Believing reviews
Undercover, these six students must face the challenges of getting back their secret that they stole from them. To complete the mission they have to act like their in love. Risking your life is one thing, but doing it when your someone is another. AH AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 39,325 - Reviews: 701 - Favs: 231 - Follows: 169 - Updated: 4/5/2009 - Published: 9/29/2008 - Complete
Revenge Of The Girls by MagicByMerlin reviews
Arthur is very unappreciative of Morgana and Gwen's stew and the girls decide a little revenge is in order... BEWARE, contains a partially naked Arthur.
Merlin - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,196 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/30/2009 - Arthur - Complete
The Twilight Kids by Darkpaw94 reviews
What if the Twilight story was not in Highschool, but in Elementary school? As the 9 year-old Bella starts out new in Forks Elementary, she can't help but have weird feelings for the pale Edward Cullen and his 'Vampire Club' friends. ExB E&B POV
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 10 - Words: 23,221 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 3/29/2009 - Published: 9/28/2008
Thief Like Me by TwiHard24 reviews
Bella and Rosalie are partners in crime. What happens when they get some very interesting company one night who want them to join in the hunt that could possibly save millions while killing them and their new found friends? Normal Pairings.action/funny!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,488 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 80 - Updated: 3/28/2009 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Bella, Edward
Kiss and Tell by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
AU. Bored at a party, Suze accepts a dare: Spend five minutes in a closet, blindfolded, with whoever is sent in after her. Only, it doesn't exactly turn out as planned and now Suze has to figure out just who, exactly, is her mystery kisser.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,153 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 11 - Published: 3/28/2009 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse - Complete
A Christmas At The Lodge by TwiHard24 reviews
The Cullens are spending their holidays at the Hale Lodge-just like every other year. Emmett's trying to get Rosalie, Jasper's trying to make his move with Alice, and Edward is intrigued by the Lodge's singer/snowboarding instructer.AH REALLY FUNNY!REVIE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,433 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 3/27/2009 - Published: 12/13/2008 - Bella, Edward
Snowed by JustBella reviews
Bella, Rosalie, and Alice win a trip. So they head off for some serious skiing and shopping! The trip lasts for two weeks, but guess who they meet before the two weeks are up? Something happens...maybe they'll be there longer then planned.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,525 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/25/2009
The Foreign Exchange Student by JustBella reviews
Bella Swan is chosen to live in England for a year. At first she doesn't like the idea. She becomes very close to her new friend. For some reason she doesn't like her friend's brother. The problem: He is madly in love with her.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 4,511 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 3/23/2009 - Published: 1/20/2009 - Bella, Edward
Dead or Alive? ! Last 3 Chapters ! by And-Ben reviews
These are the LAST 3 CHAPTERS of "Dead or ALive?"! Will update depending on reviews and/or time. This is my new username I was minimeyer . : D CHECK IT OUT!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 832 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 3 - Published: 3/15/2009 - Bella, Edward
Edward is a Creepy Stalker! by FlockOfGoats reviews
Suze and Bella are stepsisters living in Forks. Jesse is confused by Edward's strange nighttime habits. Pre-series. Canon couples. A preview of a full story I'm going to write.
Crossover - Mediator & Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,205 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 27 - Published: 3/5/2009 - Susannah S., Bella
Oh My Emmett by TwiHard24 reviews
A collection of HILARIOUS Emmett one shots. So far includes: Emmett's Idea and Girl Scout Cookies. What happens when Emmett experiments with vampire venom? What about when he helps Nessie sell the most cookies in Girl Scouts! Find out! More coming!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,068 - Reviews: 129 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 80 - Published: 3/5/2009 - Emmett
Dead or Alive? by minimeyer reviews
What would happen if the Cullens found the Twilight Saga? Chaos would threaten our favorite character's lives. **HUGE TWIST!** Not very long, but I put a lot in my chapters. R&R! Pwease?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 7,917 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 3/1/2009 - Published: 6/3/2008
Once upon a time on a reality show by AITWAWTICEWNY reviews
When Edward is made to go on a reality show to find a girlfriend, Alice makes his bestfriend of 18 years, Bella, be an undercover contestant to help him. But is she of much help? Nope. Unless you consider making out with him constantly, helping of course.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 19 - Words: 92,211 - Reviews: 749 - Favs: 253 - Follows: 304 - Updated: 2/27/2009 - Published: 12/2/2008
The Eye of the Storm by CarribbeanLady reviews
Multiauthored; BellaPOV; All-Human; After taking a trip to Washington DC Bella Swan begins to drive home to Florida when she gets caught in a hurricane and is forced to stay at the local shelter where her past comes back to bite.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,549 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 2/14/2009 - Published: 12/22/2008 - Bella, Edward
Bella's Demands by Jammeke reviews
In response to Edward's rules and demands, Bella feels it's only fair she gets to influence his behaviour as well. This is a sequel to The Ultimate Survival Guide.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,470 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 2/13/2009 - Published: 2/8/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Demonic Possession by The Adorable Pancreas reviews
AU Suze lives in a land split between good and evil. But which side is she on? Back from hiatus... again
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 61,652 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 2/12/2009 - Published: 7/10/2006
Twilight Conversations by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Originally a one-shot known as Emmett's Gift. Now a collection of one-shots with conversations that make people smile. None of the one-shots are connected with each other.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,132 - Reviews: 398 - Favs: 231 - Follows: 88 - Updated: 2/9/2009 - Published: 7/18/2008 - Complete
Muse by Moondancing Millie reviews
AU. College graduate Bella Swan is living in Forks with a stop-start writing career permanently set on stop. But when she meets Edward Cullen, inspiration strikes and she puts the whole Cullen clan in danger. Could she expose their secret?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 35,271 - Reviews: 184 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 2/4/2009 - Published: 5/17/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
When I First Saw You by redruby727 reviews
Edward and Bella recalls the very first day they meet. They very day that destiny created. The day that showed how a tragedy played cupid towards Bella and Edward. AH. one-shot. updated.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,159 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/1/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Ultimate Survival Guide by Jammeke reviews
Trying to keep a specific person alive is much more troublesome than Edward would have believed. But that's probably just because it's Bella. To what lenghts would he go to keep her out of harm's way? You are about to find out.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,141 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 1/25/2009 - Published: 1/18/2009 - Edward - Complete
Guys by Suuz112 reviews
Sometimes it's better just to run off with Taylor and Robert.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 543 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/11/2009 - Complete
Stranded by staceygirl aka jackbauer reviews
Bella gets stranded in a small town during a record storm. She meets Edward whom she is immediately attracted to and befriends, but why is it that everyone in the town seems to treat him like some sort of monster? Can she help him find peace again?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 38 - Words: 112,808 - Reviews: 1528 - Favs: 1,485 - Follows: 498 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 9/29/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Meyer University by Sh.C reviews
Bella moves to college where she meets and befriends the Cullens and Hales. Edward Cullen goes through many girls he meets Bella & sees something he likes. Much better Summary Inside. All Human. Adventure, mystery, humor & of course,a little romance! AU
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 63 - Words: 184,281 - Reviews: 8220 - Favs: 5,890 - Follows: 2,182 - Updated: 1/8/2009 - Published: 11/2/2007 - Complete
A hate or a love story? by JustBella reviews
Bella is going to a new school where she makes several new friends. When Bella and Edward meet they hate each other. But the hate starts to turn into something new. But do they know it? - All human cast - Rated T just in case
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 21,401 - Reviews: 94 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 1/8/2009 - Published: 9/24/2008
Love on the Rancho by Hot n' Exotic reviews
What if Suze had not shifted back while she and Jesse were jumping at the end of the sixth book? Jesse takes Suze and Paul to visit his ranch. The question is: Will Suze bear to part with him when the time comes? JS. R and R!
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 18,359 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 1/2/2009 - Published: 12/30/2007 - Complete
Once Again by imdstpdlamb reviews
Marius Lestat, a lab partner of Dr. Masen also known as Edward Anthony Masen's father , seeks revenge on his son, since Dr. Masen was killed by the Volturi soldiers.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,192 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 12/31/2008 - Published: 12/22/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Eye of the Storm by ladyenterprise reviews
It wasn't the worst storm North Carolina had ever seen. It wasn't even that bad, compared to some of the others that had hit, but it was there, and so was he, stuck in the Morehead City Hurricane Shelter. The experience would change his life. Em POV.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,341 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 12/27/2008 - Published: 11/1/2008 - Emmett, Rosalie
RINGS by Moondancing Millie reviews
AU. Jesse has grown up with stories of the mythical Mediators, not believing for one second that they're true. However, one day he finds not only that there are such things as Mediators, but also that he is about to fall head over heels for one. JS
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 24,708 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 12/22/2008 - Published: 4/7/2008 - Complete
Last Moment by Lost in Believing reviews
Girl: Slow down, I'm scared! Guy: No, this is fun. Girl: Please? Guy: Then tell me you love me. Girl: I love you! Slow down! Guy: Take my helmet and put it on yourself. She takes the helmet and puts it on, as they speed down the road. AH Jake&Nessie
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,196 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 11 - Published: 12/19/2008 - Jacob, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Sleigh Rides by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Edward asks Santa for a favor. B/E One-shot
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,718 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 146 - Follows: 34 - Published: 12/15/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Vampire Scavenger Hunt by Laney Bell reviews
Every year the cullens like to go to new york for a test of speed, skills, and who can do the craziest things in public.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 8,869 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 12/7/2008 - Published: 8/2/2008 - Bella, Alice
My Pen Pal by Shaps reviews
AU, OOC, All Human. “Dear Bella, My name is Edward Masen. I’m a student at Port Angeles High.” Shopaholic Alice hates smart-ass Jasper, Jacob’s a jerk, Bella’s taken. Words both break and build relationships – so what will it be? BxE, AxJ
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 142,515 - Reviews: 1648 - Favs: 1,147 - Follows: 407 - Updated: 12/1/2008 - Published: 6/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
An Ill Advised Self Proclaimed Mission by Bunnylass reviews
Suze has given herself a foolish and self-proclaimed mission. Her target: Jesse of course. Her goal: Get him to watch a ironic and crazy film. But who will come out the winner in the end...?
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,518 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/27/2008 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse - Complete
Alice's Closet by Salted Top Hat reviews
What happens when Bella has an accident in Alice's insanely large closet? How will Edward find her? And after they do, how will they deal with the symptoms from her head injury?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,459 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 11/25/2008 - Published: 9/10/2008 - Bella, Edward
Once Friends, Now What? by Just Call Me Mrs Cullen reviews
Bella and Edward were childhood friends, but Bella moved away. 6 years later they meet again at college. Bella is no longer the tomboy she once was and Edward has become quite the ladies man. What happens when they reunite? ALL HUMAN Full summary inside
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 93,523 - Reviews: 4241 - Favs: 2,695 - Follows: 1,422 - Updated: 10/20/2008 - Published: 2/10/2008 - Complete
When Life Hands You Lemons by Lost in Believing reviews
What would you do if life handed you lemons? Just another random question that Bella decides to ask to her friends. One-shot. Hope you learn a few things, and get a laugh.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,343 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10/17/2008 - Complete
A Pirate's Life For Her by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
AU. Jesse De Silva is the respected captain of the Savage Devil. 'Simon' is the young 'boy' desperate to escape 'his' life by joining Captain De Silva's crew. It isn't long before they are both fighting deeper feelings that they think they shouldn't have.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 20,926 - Reviews: 280 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 10/17/2008 - Published: 6/2/2008 - Complete
The Third Canidate by Salted Top Hat reviews
It is the 2008 presidential election, and thousands of people are tuning in to see who will be president. Liberal Obama, Vietnam Fighter John Mccain, and...ALICE CULLEN? Is it the end of the world or another hair brained scheme? FUNNY IS GURANTEED! R&R! :
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 991 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 16 - Published: 10/4/2008 - Alice
Next July Fools Day by TeamEdwardCullen8208 reviews
SEQUEL TO JULY FOOLS DAY? Bella's a big bad vamp now, and she's got a few tricks up her sleeve. With a new power and newborn superstrength, anything can happen. And you can rest assured that something will.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 19 - Words: 33,449 - Reviews: 767 - Favs: 202 - Follows: 242 - Updated: 9/20/2008 - Published: 4/26/2008
Bella California: Hello & Goodbye by sarahandkate reviews
Bella&Rose go to an academy in BeverlyHills. Bella encounters drama w/the schools witch over Edward Cullen when she wants nothing to do w/them. With all this drama&heartbreaks will she make the right choices? Full summary inside. AH/OOC ExB, AxJ, EmxR
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 98,488 - Reviews: 711 - Favs: 395 - Follows: 168 - Updated: 9/19/2008 - Published: 8/18/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Run Over by Hot n' Exotic reviews
AU. Suze Simon is reluctant to go for a family holiday to Spain. What happens when she bumps into a certain Jesse de Silva over there, though? And what about the suspicious stories hanging around him? JS. Reviews very much appreciated!
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 19,826 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 9/4/2008 - Published: 6/3/2008 - Complete
No Way Out by silk-kissed sun reviews
Suze and Jesse's parents arrange a mariage that neither want. When a weekend trip to the mountains is set up, everything seems to be going from bad to worse, especially when a snowstorm hits, stranding them there. Will they be able to get alog and survive
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,239 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 9/1/2008 - Published: 1/22/2008
Good and Broken: Taking Chances by Independent Angel reviews
The date is 1850 and Jesse de Silva's parents feel he should be married. After asking Rebecca Anne Cassin to marry him, he suddenly takes interest on his servant, Susannah Simon. What if Paul Slater had something to do with this? Chaos, anyone? CHP11
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 24,223 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 8/16/2008 - Published: 11/25/2007
The Worst Kind of Irony by MakeTheStarsFall reviews
AU Suze's abusive boyfriend is out of control, and she turns to long time friend Jesse for solace and comfort. They both find themselves falling for each other... but Jesse has a girlfriend. And it's not Suze. R&R is appreciated.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 13,733 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 8/11/2008 - Published: 7/5/2008 - Complete
When We Were Young by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
Edward and Bella have been friends since they were toddlers. When they grow older, will their friendship become something more? Stories from when they were little, through teen and adult years. Modern day. T for later chapters.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 46 - Words: 132,723 - Reviews: 5719 - Favs: 3,004 - Follows: 931 - Updated: 8/11/2008 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Did Someone Say Parody! by Set.Me.Free.123 reviews
MR Parody. No set time. Very easy quick read : Rated T 'cause it's old and I can't remember how much/if I swore...
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,502 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 8/8/2008 - Published: 7/14/2008
My Best Friend, the Player by blackxout reviews
Bella Swan is used to seeing her best friend, Edward Masen hook up with a lot of girls. She never minds though. What if Edward starts having feelings for Bella? Will she fall head over heels too or will she just want to stay friends? Very OOC.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 12 - Words: 18,394 - Reviews: 1741 - Favs: 1,565 - Follows: 573 - Updated: 7/13/2008 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Faultline by MakeTheStarsFall reviews
...COMPLETE... Mediator/Twilight crossover.Jesse goes missing:it's up to Suze to find him,but Bella is calling for her help with Edward.Then Bella disappears. Will Suze and Edward be able to find them... alive? First fan fic... please R&R
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 22 - Words: 18,775 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/21/2008 - Published: 5/30/2008 - Complete
50 Pranks on Carlisle Cullen by Hauptmann Holmes reviews
The STORY version of 50 Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen. From Alice's POV. Hope you like it. Rated T for... strange things. COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 35 - Words: 14,595 - Reviews: 716 - Favs: 303 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 6/9/2008 - Published: 10/11/2007 - Complete
With A Rebel Yell by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
AU Chicago 1928. Edward Cullen is living his life of rebellion, feeding only off criminals. Then, he stumbles across someone seemingly innocent who appeals to him in ways that could force him to reveal his secret and scare away the girl he's grown to love
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 12,293 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 49 - Updated: 5/27/2008 - Published: 12/30/2007 - Complete
How to Annoy Your Vampire Family EMMETT STYLE! by Krb13 reviews
Okay, you can probably guess what this is about just by the title. But if not. Okay so this is about Emmett annoying his family Bella's a vamp too in weird ways. And sometimes he can be totally random like me SO GET READING! AND REVIEW PLEASE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 4,392 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 5/26/2008 - Published: 3/25/2008
Extraordinary by Ava Sinclair reviews
Twilight fangirl Elisa Jensen is well aware that there's not much in life she can't mess up on an epic scale, but the last thing she ever thought she'd be able to ruin was the storyline to her favorite series...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 59,217 - Reviews: 213 - Favs: 169 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 5/2/2008 - Published: 4/13/2008 - Complete
July Fools Day? by TeamEdwardCullen8208 reviews
Despite Edwards warning, Bella insists on coming over on the Vampire version of April Fools Day. Will the Cullens take advantage of poor, clumsy, unsuspecting Bella? Of course! NOW COMPLETE, SEQUEL NOW UP!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 14 - Words: 30,294 - Reviews: 377 - Favs: 295 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 4/26/2008 - Published: 3/30/2008 - Complete
Grim Tales by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
There once was a girl that comes out of the well every seven days, on the seventh day little boy death found his first love. BXE One-shot! Cute and totally different from anything you'll ever read on here. AU
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 901 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 219 - Follows: 33 - Published: 4/13/2008 - Complete
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
Sheriff Jesse de Silva is given the task of shutting down an illegal cat house owned by none other than Paul Slater. There, he embarks on a friendship turned romance with Susannah Simon and soon the couple are fighting to keep their love a secret. FIN
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 18,469 - Reviews: 209 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 4/8/2008 - Published: 10/27/2007 - Complete
Benny, Meet The Volturi by Hauptmann Holmes reviews
Something I wrote to jumpstart my Muse. It's about my best friend's dog annoying the Volturi. I hope you like it. Flames, as one of my friends says, will be put out with a fire extinguisher.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 974 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/8/2008 - Complete
Malevolent Craft by Adeleste reviews
RELATIVE THREAT SEQUEL Suze & Jesse spend summer's end together, but ghastly things start. In school, things get worse. Certain people return and want Suze dead. A new kid, a jealous Jesse. Everything's uncontrollable, and Suze can't seem to stop it.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 50,778 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 3/30/2008 - Published: 7/15/2004
Ditto by Moondancing Millie reviews
What if Susannah was two people, Suze and Anna? The two sisters come to blows over their love for movie star Hector De Silva, whilst Hector's cousin Jesse battles with his unrequited crush on Suze. Confused? Reporter Paul is determined to solve it all.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 22,414 - Reviews: 165 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 3/4/2008 - Published: 12/20/2007 - Complete
Feel The Rush by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
Suze Simon is psyched to be chosen to star in Paul Slater's new music video. Then she meets the choreographer for the video, a certain Jesse de Silva, and spending a few weeks on Paul's set seems a whole lot better. JS
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 24,363 - Reviews: 246 - Favs: 76 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 3/1/2008 - Published: 8/19/2007 - Complete
Pauliestiltskin by Moondancing Millie reviews
AU. My entry to Lolly's challenge! For an English assignment, Suze has been asked to write a variaton of a fairytale. She chooses Rumplestiltskin, and Paul to be her villain... And of course, Jesse can't help lending a hand.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,363 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 11 - Published: 2/12/2008 - Complete
Cursed by The Magnificent Kiwi reviews
AU. When aristocrat Suze Simon falls for a blacksmith, her whole world is turned upside down. Faced with the wrath of ruthless witchfinders and a relentless suitor, she must escape persecution and choose between Jesse's love...and his life.
Mediator - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 101,900 - Reviews: 244 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 1/18/2008 - Published: 6/11/2006 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse
After Math by choirgeek reviews
Ever wonder what happened to Suze and Jesse after the dance? Story following Suze in the days after Twilight. Will include all of our favorite characters.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 23,798 - Reviews: 265 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 12/30/2007 - Published: 7/11/2007 - Complete
Naughty or Nice? by pandorasnotebook reviews
The Cullens decide which of them are naughty and nice for the Christmas season.Oneshot goodness!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,366 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 15 - Published: 12/15/2007 - Complete
Light My Candle by Moondancing Millie reviews
Jesse has been in love with Susannah for as long as he can remember. Now in their second year at college together, it seems like he can finally admit his feelings...before Biology teacher Paul Slater comes along to ruin everything. [SJ] [PS]
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 44,397 - Reviews: 301 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 11/30/2007 - Published: 9/15/2007 - Complete
The Mediator's Child 1 The Birth by ekmemerald reviews
Suze and Jesse are happy. Suze is pregnant but an unhappy ghost threatens the existence of her child. Will the ghost suceed, or finish their buisness and move on. This is my first ever fanfic so please be gentle. I will be writing sequels! ekmemerald x
Mediator - Rated: K - English - Supernatural/Family - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,562 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/26/2007 - Complete
Te Amo, Querida by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
Due to an assignment set by her professor, Suze jets off to Spain to further study her English essay topic. On the way she meets a total hottie, who just happens to be part of family she'll be staying with. His name is Jesse de Silva ... but he's engaged.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 31,272 - Reviews: 447 - Favs: 150 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 10/22/2007 - Published: 8/10/2007 - Complete
50 Ways to Annoy Carlisle Cullen by Hauptmann Holmes reviews
The first of it's kind! The story version is now playing in a city near you! oneshot T for strange things...
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 10/11/2007 - Published: 10/10/2007 - Complete
Daddy's Little Girl by Moondancing Millie reviews
Bad girl Suze Simon is living in Carmel after her parents' sticky divorce 15 years ago. She's made the wrong type of friends and has the wrong kind of reputation ... but musician turned med student Jesse De Silva is hoping he can fix her. [SJ]
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 74,389 - Reviews: 453 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 50 - Updated: 10/6/2007 - Published: 8/12/2007 - Complete
Bloody Mary old version by Kristastic reviews
Suze has delt with the weird. Its all she knows. From vampires to ghosts, shes seen it all. That is until Jenny Davenport winds up dead & blames it on the old wives tale thats Bloody Mary. Soon Suze finds herself in over her head. UPDATING SUNDAY 25th!
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,300 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 8/27/2007 - Published: 7/13/2007
The Guy Next Door by Moonlight Silhouette reviews
[AU] 22 year old Susannah Simon has just graduated college and is now looking for the chance to make it on her own in New York City. She moves in to her new apartment and it isn't long before she realises that she has a crush on The Guy Next Door. [JS]
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 29,680 - Reviews: 346 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 8/16/2007 - Published: 6/23/2007 - Complete
Cullen Calamities, Hale Horrors, and Swan Swoons by Hauptmann Holmes reviews
Four OneShots. Complete [means there will be no more]. Sorry to the Rabid readers. I still do requests.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,071 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 7/24/2007 - Published: 5/24/2007 - Complete
Scrooged: Mediator Style by x0x Maddie x0x reviews
Mediator version of the popular Christmas movie, A Christmas Carol.Comments appreciated!
Mediator - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 10,145 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 7/8/2007 - Published: 12/25/2006 - Complete
Good Morning Carmel by Kristastic reviews
Susannah has a new job this summer interning with her mom. Things with her boyfriend Jesse are going great. But...the dead have a way of making things complicated.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 27,185 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 5/31/2007 - Published: 3/15/2007 - Complete
Vampiric Peaches by Llama Mama23 reviews
Emmett decides to attempt to turn peaches into vampires. WARNING: Extremely pointless and stupid!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,813 - Reviews: 753 - Favs: 887 - Follows: 125 - Published: 5/31/2007 - Complete
Bewitched by Frolicking Bananas reviews
[AU] Susannah Simon lives in a time where people are convicted for so much as looking at another person strangely. What will she do when someone very close to her is convicted of witchcraft? Or, strangely enough, herself? [JS]
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 49,533 - Reviews: 193 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 3/16/2007 - Published: 9/29/2005 - Complete
No Rest For The Wicked by The Magnificent Kiwi reviews
Suze lost everything following the death of her boyfriend and when she meets the mysterious Jesse de Silva she is thrown into the path of the same evil force that killed Paul. Will she be able to avenge his death? And will she learn to love again? JS AU
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Horror - Chapters: 12 - Words: 49,734 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 2/24/2007 - Published: 8/10/2006
When Darkness Falls by iloveaxlrose reviews
Suze moves across the country to begin University, where she meets, sigh, Jesse, her true love or worst enemy? Read and Review.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 18 - Words: 47,060 - Reviews: 187 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 12/24/2006 - Published: 9/2/2005
All but a dream by MaR1aNnA reviews
I knew Jesse, i knew him as a ghost,then one day,he was there in my school,acting like he never knew me. My name is Susannah Simon I am a mediator,well that’s what I thought I was until one day,I woke up and realised everything I believed in was a dream..
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 19,246 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 11/11/2006 - Published: 11/10/2005
It's All Going Down on Halloween Night by Captain Lila Turner reviews
MY SO CALLED LIFE Suze Simon is your regular 19 year old Mediator. But when she learns a disturbing secret, she realizes that she can't trust anyone. She thinks she has it all figured out, but maybe Nancy Drew lost her touch. It's all going down
Mediator - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 14 - Words: 27,856 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 10/31/2006 - Published: 10/15/2006 - Complete
Chaos Theory by Divide et Imper reviews
Jesse De Silva is your average pre med student, with one added bonus: he can see dead people. It's when he meets Suze Simon that things get interesting. Why is a mediator stuck on Earth as a ghost? AU
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 23,187 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 10/8/2006 - Published: 8/10/2006
The New Girl by MuchachaBonita reviews
The first time I met her my heart skipped a beat. She was perfect, and exactly as I'd envisioned her. That's when I knew. I knew the new girl was mine. My Querida.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 103,406 - Reviews: 462 - Favs: 141 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 9/26/2006 - Published: 7/27/2005 - Complete
Ghosts From My Past by Captain Lila Turner reviews
Suze's past comes back to haunt her. A Mediator Reunion. Sequel to 'If You Love Something, Set It Free' Sorry, I suck at summaries!
Mediator - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,339 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/28/2006 - Published: 8/19/2006 - Complete
Only The Good by The Magnificent Kiwi reviews
Jesse and Suze think they have all the time in the world. But it never occured to them that their relationship could cost them their lives. And with Paul's former obsession acting as an open wound to a dangerous ghost, it's only a matter of time...
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 19 - Words: 51,508 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 6/6/2006 - Published: 4/21/2006 - Complete
The Fifth Sense by LolliliciousLolly reviews
...You know that you have a hard life when, upon waking up in the morning, there's no way to tell if you're still sleeping... [AU, SJ.] Suze lacks something that we all take for granted. But she has an ability that we can only dream of... [COMPLETE]
Mediator - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 191,844 - Reviews: 1085 - Favs: 278 - Follows: 96 - Updated: 6/1/2006 - Published: 2/11/2005 - Complete
Trouble calling by gorbash33 reviews
Story Completed! Suze's powers are getting stronger...esp the power of love. Paul becomes good? is that really possible? JS
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 82,183 - Reviews: 273 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 9/14/2005 - Published: 5/30/2003 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse, Paul S. - Complete
Candela by chayannee reviews
New Chapter: Uprising. The five members of Radian are taken to the land where the Three Shadows hold Susannah, only to find that it's completely deserted. Jesse hears weird voices. Fun ensues. [ JS ]
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 50,499 - Reviews: 158 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 9/10/2005 - Published: 3/20/2005
The Fire by seejanewrite88 reviews
(COMPLETE) Someone's trying to kill Suze's friends. Could she be next? R&R! About 4 years after Twilight
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 15 - Words: 26,329 - Reviews: 253 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 4/21/2005 - Published: 1/22/2005 - Complete
Jesse's Scar by LolliliciousLolly reviews
A naïve Suze wistfully daydreams, imagining how Jesse got his scar...[One Shot.]
Mediator - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,352 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/25/2005 - Complete
Relative Threat by Adeleste reviews
This summer will be fabulous, minus the fact that Jesse still doesn't know Suze loves him. No prob, until a vindictive cousin, Crissi, visits. And who's Pawn Lady? Suze learns that Crissi wants Jesse and will do anything it takes...even murder. R&R
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 83,734 - Reviews: 100 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/28/2004 - Published: 2/15/2004 - Complete
The Undoing of the Mediator by Mairen reviews
COMPLETE! What happens when Suze's ability to see ghosts is ripped from her and she is thrown into a world filled with danger and love? Rating for fluff and a 'lil violence. Prophecies and more, PLEASE R&R!
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 25,149 - Reviews: 208 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/28/2003 - Published: 1/26/2003 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Believe reviews
Back in the future, Jesse just woke up and was able to say 'Querida'- before dying. Suze is desperate to save him, so she resorts to desperate measures. But how? Will she be able to save Jesse- and make his secret dreams come true? Funny. OOC. Oneshot.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,641 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/24/2011 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse - Complete
Twilight Holidays reviews
Collection of one shots of the holidays, Cullen Style. Includes Halloween, Christmas, New Years Day, Valentines Day, April Fools Day titled Twilight Down the Toilet, courtesy of Emmett ,and the latest: Easter, and read about the Easter Emmett. R&R please!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 15,835 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 12/30/2010 - Published: 11/7/2008 - Complete
Déjà vu reviews
5-year-olds Percy & Annabeth are playing games in a normal Saturday evening when 2 gods arrive & tell them they're demigods. They freak out. It happens again 20 years after & now they're paranoid. But how do they react when they're already 80? OOC.2SHOT.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,872 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 4/13/2010 - Published: 4/9/2010 - Percy J., Annabeth C. - Complete
The Elites: Undercover Hacker reviews
oBella Swan hacks into the government’s computer system for a guy named Edward & finds herself in deep trouble. Accepting an offer to join a secret agency instead, she goes on a mission as an undercover model. Her partner? Turns out to be Edward himself!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 18,321 - Reviews: 364 - Favs: 266 - Follows: 191 - Updated: 4/11/2010 - Published: 9/2/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Saving Will reviews
Ed rejected her. Will's dead. Gaia can't take it, but she meets Suze, a mediator, who says Will can still be saved. Suze travels to the past to warn him, but what happens when Gaia dies instead? Can she save them? Can they still have their happy ending?
Crossover - Mediator & Fearless - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 15 - Words: 18,773 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 2/13/2010 - Published: 8/16/2008 - Complete
Starlight reviews
Bella and Edward fell in love after a setup planned by their friends. Now, months after, they are still going strong & things couldn't get any better- until Bella discovers something that makes her doubt their reationship, & takes desperate measures...R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 42,269 - Reviews: 301 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 93 - Updated: 9/2/2009 - Published: 10/11/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Twist in the Past reviews
Time travelling is tricky business. Just when Suze thought she got rid of Paul for good, he's back from the past & wants revenge. Not to mention, changing the future of a very angry and confused Jesse de Silva. Setting everything right is gonna be hard.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 8,904 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 5/15/2009 - Published: 7/4/2008
Moonlight reviews
Princess Bella is sick, & she won't get well unless she gets this one thing she wants: the moon. The king's getting nowhere, because they say its pasted in the sky, its an egg, its made of green cheese...until a certain court jester helps him... One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,169 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/20/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Lucky Charm? reviews
A mysterious ghost gives Suze some weird instructions. In the middle of the night. Now, she has to fulfill her "destiny.". But the thing she needs to get belongs to Paul. And she happened to do something that might cause her death... Poor Jesse...
Mediator - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,881 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 2/28/2009 - Published: 9/13/2008
Killer Portrait reviews
A string of murders. A shady history. A portrait that kills. Literally. Plus Jesse. Wee! Read and review!
Mediator - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Suspense - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,624 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 2/28/2009 - Published: 8/29/2008
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