Fullmetal Wetback
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Joined 06-30-08, id: 1619304, Profile Updated: 07-19-11
Author has written 9 stories for Pokémon, Harry Potter, Bleach, Percy Jackson and the Olympians, Avatar: Last Airbender, Highschool of the Dead, and Avengers.

So, I thought I might update my profile, seeing as how I haven't since I started it up. A lot has changed since then, so I might as well stay up-to-date. Um, so here it goes

General Crap

My name is Rick Jimenez. I am twenty years old, which is so awesome. I still work at Barnes & Noble, and I'm still very irritated when I don't have cigarettes, but I'm trying to quit now. I'm finally off probation now, and I'm hoping to keep it that way. I've already taken care of that whole problem with illegal weed, since I got my medical marijuana license for chronic migraines (heh). Brownish eyes, darkish skin, blackish hair, stuff like that. I have a Himalayan cat and a big ol' mutt for a dog. I have moved in with my grandmother to help her out around the house (and to save some money, but keep that on the DL). I like rock, and metal, and punk, and hip hop, and country, and rap, and blues, and classical, and soul, and pretty much any music that isn't bubblegum pop (cough*Justin Beiber*cough). Give me some Slayer or 213, a blunt of some bomb, maybe a mixed drink, and I'll be set.

Favorite Things

My favorite smokes, as my picture suggests, are Marlboro Reds, size 100s. None of that pussy Light shit, and I absolutely hate menthols. They give me indigestion, for some reason. I also like smoking American Spirits, too. They're a lot less harsh, and as oxymoronic as this may sound, actually quite good for you, considering it's pure tobacco, and does not include any rat poison or tar or whatever shit cigs have in 'em these days.

My favorite beer, hands down, is Blue Moon: Summer Honey Ale. Oh. My. God. If you haven't tried this beer yet, you really need to. It's like drinking a little piece of heaven. It's made by the same company as Blue Moon, and has much of the same ingredients, but it also has honey. Yes, that's right. Honey. It literally just washes away that harsh yeast and hops taste, and you can't taste anything but the honey in the afterswish. It's so good, it makes me wanna stick my dick in it...no, I want it to stick its dick in me!(Beerfest, don't sue me!)

My favorite anime would have to be . . . Fullmetal Alchemist. There's no reason that I don't like any others more. Fullmetal just has the best animation, best storylines, the characters have perfect timing on the jokes and pratfalls, and the characters themselves are just so believable. Except for the fact that some of them can change something into something else by clapping their hands or snapping their fingers. Heh.

My favorite book is definitely World War Z. I was working the night shift one day, and I was restocking the great literary works like To Kill a Mockingbird, Red Badge of Courage, and the always-awesome Huckleberry Finn when I pull out this book whose cover is all bloody and weird looking. I pick it up, flip through the first pages, and I'm hooked! It's the best book of all time, in my opinion, but hey, I'm not your mom. I can't tell you to read it, but I do highly recomend it. Trust me.

My favorite marijuana is Golden Haze, hands-down. If you've never tried it, go and find someone who sells the crap and go smoke it up. Then return to your home, get on WordPerfect and put your fingers to the keys. When you wake up the next morning, you'll either have the start of a masterpiece, or you won't be able to make heads or tails of whatever the hell it was you did.

My favorite person at the moment is my grandmother, as sad as that sounds. I had a recent breakup that tore me up a bit, but whatever. Live and love and live some more, y'know? Anyway, yeah.

My favorite TV show is...well, uh, I don't have a favorite. I like The Walking Dead, Scrubs, The Office, Parks and Recreation, The Simpson, Futurama, Family Guy, Robot Chicken, Weeds, Tosh.0, The Deadliest Warrior, House, M.D., Top Gear (the British one), Doctor Who, and a few shows on the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. Hey, don't look at me like that.

And lastly, my favorite fanfic author at the moment is jbern the great. He's exclusively a Harry Potter fic writer, but the stories he's done and is doing right now are among the best on this site, and possibly better than some actual stories I've read. Check him out if you've got time.

So that's about it. Until I figure out what else to put on this page, read my four works in progress. They aren't the best works out there, but they sure as hell ain't the worst. Believe me.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Wand and Shield by Morta's Priest reviews
The world is breaking; war and technology are pushing on the edge of the unbelievable, and S.H.I.E.L.D. desperately attempts to keep the peace. The soldier and the scientist are not the only lights that push back against the darkness, however; magic will encompass the world again as the last wizard makes himself known.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 33 - Words: 260,787 - Reviews: 6574 - Favs: 10,548 - Follows: 12,123 - Updated: 7/22 - Published: 6/2/2012 - Harry P.
Mismatched by Kimberly T reviews
In Season One, when Prince Zuko unexpectedly becomes Papa Zuko, he rocks not just the cradle but his entire ship... and eventually a lot more! Chapter 11: Forewarned
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 166,297 - Reviews: 473 - Favs: 643 - Follows: 717 - Updated: 6/13 - Published: 7/17/2011 - Zuko, Iroh
I See The Moon by hctiB-notsoB reviews
Gen. "While on the run, Bruce meets a young man who speaks to the moon. He's probably not quite the sanest friend Bruce could have made, but, well...beggers can't be choosers."
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 13 - Words: 40,930 - Reviews: 4064 - Favs: 8,379 - Follows: 10,127 - Updated: 1/18 - Published: 6/13/2012 - Harry P., Hulk/Bruce B.
Baby Sitting Kidvengers! by Lunabell Marauder Knyte reviews
Just before the portal is finished to send Thor and Loki home, Loki cast a spell that deages the Avengers.Guess who's the lucky wizard assigned to care for the little brats? AwesomeParentHarry giving the Avengers a second chance at childhood, this time done right with lots of love and attention.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 14 - Words: 51,809 - Reviews: 1515 - Favs: 3,135 - Follows: 4,061 - Updated: 5/25/2014 - Published: 6/7/2012 - Harry P.
The Protector's Surrogate by Uruolki reviews
My first fic. A new kid shows up in Karakura with a mission of his own after Ichigo & co. leave to rescue Rukia and Tatsuki is given a chance to enter the world of Hollows and Shinigami. First chapter is OC introduction.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 42,680 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 12/23/2013 - Published: 8/5/2012 - Ichigo K., Tatsuki A.
PKM Rangers: Rise of the Dark Gems by Shot Knight reviews
When a terrorist organization called the Dark Gems will stop at nothing to kidnap May Birch and her daughter Sarah, the only person that can save them is May's ex-husband, Agent 1076. But how can a man who lost everything become a hero strong enough to save them? His transformation into the Golden Ranger marks the beginning of an epic journey to reunite his family. AdvanceShipping.
Pokémon - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 43 - Words: 431,812 - Reviews: 225 - Favs: 179 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 7/31/2013 - Published: 12/31/2006 - Ash K./Satoshi, May/Haruka
the commonsense stick collection by emletish reviews
This is just a random collection of drabbles that will fit in with my stalking universe. In no apparent order. updated only when the mood to drabble strikes me.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 7,678 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 6/18/2013 - Published: 2/11/2012
Demographics by Shy Pistachio reviews
A collection of shorts that address the weird pairings and embarrassing instances we fans put characters through. Will the torture never cease? LATEST: Azula has some...unresolved romantic tension with a certain Water Tribe boy.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,136 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 9/9/2012 - Published: 11/10/2011 - Zuko, Iroh - Complete
Steve And The Barkeep by Runaway Deviant reviews
Steve has a routine, and god help him if he's going to break that routine for anyone - yes, that includes you, Tony. Enter a local barkeeper with a penchant for the occult and the gift of good conversation. EWE, not slash, just a couple of guys and a few hundred drinks. Rated for fear of the thought police.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Avengers - Rated: M - English - Friendship/Supernatural - Chapters: 12 - Words: 34,438 - Reviews: 807 - Favs: 4,008 - Follows: 2,493 - Updated: 9/3/2012 - Published: 8/9/2012 - Harry P., Captain America/Steve R. - Complete
The Language of Heart by Mirach reviews
The king of Gondor is also a High Priest. For a long time, Gondor had no king, and nobody ascended to the holy places upon Mindolluin, where the kings used to commune with Ilúvatar. But now, it changed, and the land rejoices…
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 505 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/21/2012 - Aragorn - Complete
Worth The Wait by Love Psycho reviews
When she first realized she was actually in Love with him, her first reaction was to curse. The second was to think 'oh no, I can't do this to Orihime'. But the last was that maybe, just maybe, he might love her back... Ichigo/Tatsuki
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,390 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 23 - Published: 8/9/2012 - Ichigo K., Tatsuki A. - Complete
I Know You by pinkneonglowstick reviews
Masked behind Ty Lee's simple comment at the beach was a whole hidden past. The secret history of the Crown Prince and the wrong best friend.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 24,303 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 7/14/2012 - Published: 1/27/2012 - Zuko, Ty Lee
Almost Paradise by cywsaphyre reviews
Part of the Wanderer!verse. Prequel to Wanderer. The fifteenth jump lands him in a place so much like the home he has always wanted that he just can't stay away, even though he knows it'll hurt all the more in the end.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 20,702 - Reviews: 421 - Favs: 1,496 - Follows: 481 - Updated: 6/23/2012 - Published: 6/19/2012 - Harry P. - Complete
Jet's Troubling Obsession by emletish reviews
Jet has taken to stalking Lee with gusto. However he would like to remind everyone, especially smellerbee and longshot, that while he spends every waking minute stalking Lee, or talking about Lee or obsessing about Lee - he does not have a Big Gay Crush on him.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 39,875 - Reviews: 169 - Favs: 144 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 6/18/2012 - Published: 5/6/2012 - Jet, Zuko - Complete
Not Stalking Zuko by emletish reviews
Katara keeps a journal of all the shenanigans that the Gaang run into. Chapter 49: there is much talk about the future - now that the war is over and everything is changing. Hakoda and Zuko talk. Katara decides that some things in life are worth the risk.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 50 - Words: 429,313 - Reviews: 1386 - Favs: 550 - Follows: 254 - Updated: 5/2/2012 - Published: 8/26/2011 - Katara, Zuko - Complete
The First Guardian by Flameal Ashcrow reviews
What if Kurosaki Ichigo was a lot more curious as a child? What if this led to him having an inquisitive mind? Just how much would this change the course of history? Let's find out, shall we? - Slightly AU. Rated M for sexual content and my dirty mouth.
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 89,555 - Reviews: 598 - Favs: 1,774 - Follows: 1,720 - Updated: 4/24/2012 - Published: 10/16/2011 - Ichigo K., Rukia K.
Morse Code by stygianxiron reviews
What happens when Leo gets his memories back? We'll find out what really happened at Wilderness School and who it is that's been trying to persuade Leo to distrust Hera. Will both Leo and Piper be able to cope with what they're about to find out? First Ch
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,999 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 21 - Published: 2/7/2012 - Leo V., Piper M.
the East Wind by emletish reviews
IT is three years after the end of the war and our heroes meet up again on another quest, this time for more air benders. drama abounds, hilarity overflows and hijinks ensue. Will Aang be able to teach tylee air bending? will Zuko ever learn to relax?
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 15,933 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 6/15/2011 - Published: 6/1/2011
Felix Felicis Fortuna by dragonblade3200 reviews
This is Harry's tale, his redemption, his fall, his war. Dumbledore isn't as good as Harry hoped, Voldemort isn't as different as he thought. A night of healing with a flask of Liquid Luck provided by the mysterious Half-Blood Prince leads to Harry's fate
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 45,294 - Reviews: 204 - Favs: 622 - Follows: 782 - Updated: 7/14/2010 - Published: 6/29/2010 - Harry P., Tracey D.
Who's Been Stealing Office Supplies? by Sharper Than the Sword reviews
INCLUDES: Hapless!Ed, 1337!Al, Manchild!Mustang, Enabler!Hughes, Suppressed-Rage!Hawkeye, Colossal-Jerk!Fuhrer, Slut!Trisha, Traumatized!Elicia, Kleptomaniac!Scar, Redshirt!Soldiers, Whore!Lust, Detective!Envy and So-Obese-He-Cannot-Move!Gluttony
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: M - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 4 - Words: 12,358 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 8/24/2009 - Published: 4/9/2009 - Riza H., Edward E.
Tag Teamed by Artemis Rae reviews
An Agni Kai, two firebenders, and their long suffering girlfriends. Roy/Riza, Zuko/Mai. Crack.
Crossover - Fullmetal Alchemist & Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 618 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 116 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/15/2009 - Roy M., Zuko - Complete
The Lie I've Lived by jbern reviews
Not all of James died that night. Not all of Harry lived. The Triwizard Tournament as it should have been and a hero discovering who he really wants to be.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 234,571 - Reviews: 4218 - Favs: 8,350 - Follows: 3,820 - Updated: 5/28/2009 - Published: 2/9/2007 - Harry P., Fleur D. - Complete
Perspective by Still Evil Flame reviews
What IS it with Ukitake and his candy? Toshiro hates it, but maybe understands it a little more after a talk with Shunsui and gains a whole new perspective. No yaoi or sexual content at all for that matter.
Bleach - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,432 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 217 - Follows: 10 - Published: 4/9/2009 - J. Ukitake, T. Hitsugaya - Complete
Measure for Measure by Ludwig Mies van der Rohe reviews
Fornicate with the universe.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 19 - Words: 84,716 - Reviews: 626 - Favs: 1,316 - Follows: 1,515 - Updated: 3/28/2009 - Published: 7/20/2008 - Harry P., Daphne G., Katie B., Astoria G.
Candy Canes, Sour Drops and Jawbreakers by IVIaedhros reviews
Throughout his life, there were many that he watched over. Hitsugaya. Fong. Kuchiki. Though one never knew of the others, these cold individuals were together connected by the kindness of a sickly candy man. These are their stories.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,111 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 129 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 9/12/2008 - Published: 9/10/2008 - J. Ukitake, T. Hitsugaya - Complete
Interoffice Personnel Relations by Lala to the power of 2 reviews
[Well,] Yamamoto asked, [Does anyone else want to file sexual harrasment charges against their captains?] Two hands immediately raised.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,063 - Reviews: 192 - Favs: 1,100 - Follows: 110 - Published: 11/11/2007 - Byakuya K., Renji A. - Complete
Tomorrow We'll Be Sober by incandescens reviews
Shunsui and Ukitake: the early days, the early binges.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,610 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/31/2007 - Shunsui K., J. Ukitake - Complete
By the Sword by peroxidepest17 reviews
The Eleventh Division’s 20 rules of living and dying like a thug.
Bleach - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,460 - Reviews: 303 - Favs: 1,967 - Follows: 185 - Published: 7/23/2006 - K. Zaraki - Complete
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Zombies Bite reviews
Can a stoned mechanic, an arrogant athlete, a reclusive fencer, a monophobic swordswoman, a cold medic, and their overachieving leader survive in a world where reanimated corpses have devoured any sense of normalcy? They soon find out that zombies are the least of their worries with delusional conquerors and murderous psychopaths on the loose trying to survive as well. Extra space.
Highschool of the Dead - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,532 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 11/8/2012
The Firelord Timewarp reviews
Poor Firelord Zuko has been having a rough day. He was woken up by a Grand Master Earthbender (never fun), placed in charge of the ten-year anniversary of the War's end, given strange tea that made him stupid and giggly, and thrust back in time. Watch as he struggles to change all he possibly can for the better and cope with the consequences of his choices. Zuko/Katara
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,776 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 10/24/2012 - Zuko, Katara
The Celestial Cavalry reviews
It happened. Percy became a god. Now watch as he tries to manage a camp full of demigods, woo the eternal maiden, and ride across the heavens with his Celestial Cavalry. Eventual Percy/Artemis, along with copious amounts of Leo/Piper thrown into the mix. And also, y'know, Chaos and Primordials and shit, too.
Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 31,390 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 133 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 12/1/2011 - Percy J., Artemis
The Adventures of HJ Potter reviews
A story of what might've been had the Dursleys 'lost' Harry in the U.S. where he was found and raised by escaped convict Sirius Black. Then, he's found just in time for the beginning of the Triwizard Tournament. Let the chaos commence.HPDG.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 54,099 - Reviews: 322 - Favs: 902 - Follows: 1,006 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 7/15/2011 - Harry P., Daphne G.
Pokémagic reviews
The war is beginning, and Harry Potter is entirely unready for the coming battles. So Dumbledore, with his wily wiles, has brought in just the man for the job: Loomis Thatcher, Pokémon Master extraordinaire. This new professor will teach the students of Hogwarts some magic befitting a true Master and shake the Wizarding World to its foundations. Rated T for Totally Awesome.
Crossover - Pokémon & Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,067 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 10/24/2012 - Ditto/Metamon, Harry P.
Not Another Bleach Fic Again reviews
This is AU to my AU fanfiction, called Not Another Bleach fic. Ichigo becomes a Hollow the night he encounters Rukia,and strives to become the King of Hueco Mundo in order to protect his followers. No Pairing as of yet. M for lang & some adult situations
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,958 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 4/20/2012 - Ichigo K., Tatsuki A.
Not Another Bleach Fic reviews
Dead fic, adopted by HaveBookWillTravel.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 108 - Reviews: 131 - Favs: 219 - Follows: 246 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 10/15/2011 - Ichigo K., Tatsuki A.
Karakura's Avenger reviews
Karakura was destroyed, leaving behind a depressed Ichigo Kurosaki. But Urahara's got just the thing: dimensional shift! Thrust into a brand-new reality, the orange-haired protector must survive against a man in a high-tech suit of armor, a hulking green rage monster, a Norse god, two master assassins, a super soldier, and a paranoid guy with one eye. And those are his allies!
Crossover - Bleach & Avengers - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,516 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 164 - Follows: 230 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 10/20/2012 - Ichigo K., Iron Man/Tony S.
Flash Cannon reviews
Follow Remy Yucatan and his band, Flash Cannon, as they embark on a journey to become the greatest band in America, paying for trip by obtaining the prize money from the most prestigious Gyms in the U.S. Rated for drug abuse and swearing. Lots of it.
Pokémon - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 54,473 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 2/17/2013 - Published: 9/29/2010 - Lucario