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Joined 06-30-08, id: 1619571, Profile Updated: 02-20-09
Author has written 24 stories for Wild Wild West, Stargate: SG-1, Bonanza, Stargate: Atlantis, Covert Affairs, Twilight Zone, Gilligan's Island, Psych, and Hawaii Five-0.

The Night of the Morose Meeting; AKA: Artie meets Mudstalker

(I don't own Wild Wild West. If I did, I woldn't be writing this.)

Artie gave a gulp as he stood before her door- her, the newest villian in town. Folks had said she lived around here. Since she was said to posess strange and mystical powers, none of the villiagers would dare approach her lair. But she had captured James West, and only the presence of Artemus Gordon would set Jim free. The funny thing was, as Artie was leaving the train in his "Miricle Man Elixier" costume, a note came over the telegraph wire telling him not to bother with the costume; it would just be too melodramatic to rip off another fake beard. So, Artie had dressed in his best and came hoping to charm the new villian.

Her lair was not ornate as some Artie had seen. The walls were whitewashed and brightly-colored silk scarves floated in the breeze from the windows. The windows were overgrown with vine plants, and an indoor hibiscus bloomed even though there was snow on the ground outside. Candels hung from rope-hangings in the ceiling, and over the rafters were draped a variety of dried herbs and produce. But the villian, now she was strange!

Medium-sized and medium-built, she gracefully skirted around the plants to the kitchen. She offered Artie a drink; one, she promised, that had not been drugged. Her eyes were an intense blue and her hair was brown that glinted red in the sun. Oddly enough, she wore pants; it seemed as though she had been wearing pants her whole life, so comfortable was she in her movements. And her clothes! Now those were strange. A thick pant that seemed durable yet flowed like water and opened in bell shapes around a pair of laceless boots. And her...sweater? Made out of neither silk, wool, or cotton, it clung to her like a living thing and yet seemed thick and warm. Surely, she was not from around here. Artie felt nervous as the woman motioned for him to sit. It seemed as if she knew him so well... and he had no clue who she was!

"Let me begin," she stated. "I have called you here because it was my intense desire to meet you and to tell you of how greatly we... that is, I and the others like me... esteem you."

"So," Artie growled, "you decide to kidnap my partner in order to have tea with me? A letter would have done just fine."

The woman blinked. "I did not kidnap you partner... it must have been one of the others."

"But this note... it said, 'If you ever want to see your friend again, you must come to the house at the end of the Four-Cliff Range.' I even have your telegraph telling me not to dress in disguise!" Artie exclaimed.

"I did write the second telegraph," she replied. "But not the first. I bet one of the others is already starting to create again. We'll have to wait to see what fine adventures you two will go on next!"

"What are you talking about?" Artie queried, confused.

The woman smiled. "Let me start at the beginning. Have you noticed how you've been meeting so many villians nowadays? Loveless, for instance, is popping up much more than he should be. And so are other villians... ones you had no recollection of ever meeting and yet know them as soon as they hijack your train. Have you noticed how you are always just about to go on vacation and get re-assigned, or how you are always stuck in bizzare places with grevious injuries? Have you been having just one bad day after another?"

Artie growled. "Tell me about it," he said.

The woman opened her hands in supplication. "Please... forgive us. It's our fault."

"What?!" Artie jumped up. "You mean... you orchestrated all these villians?"

The woman nodded in pride. "Yes. I did... and the others. I guess you could say we are the greatest criminal masterminds of all time. We can organize any dastardly plot and come up with a colorful variety of deadly and dangerous situations. We all have the power to do so, but we all have our areas of specialty."

Artie shook his head in confusion. "I must be dreaming," he moaned.

The woman gave an amused smile. "Nope, you are not dreaming," she replied. "I'd know if you were. Dreams are my area of specialty."

"So you're the one who gave Jim all those nightmares recently!"

"Yes, isn't it great that he can't remember them? Boy I wish I could forget my nightmares."

"Wait, hold on," said Artie, holding up his hand. "This makes no sense. Organizing crime rings is one thing, but giving dreams... no one can do that!"

"Well," the woman explained, looking rather amused, "I'm not bound by the rules of your world. You see, I come from another place... another dimension, as it were. In my dimension, you live as a hero to all my people. They look at how you suffer... and it gives them strength to go on with their lives. Imagine what good it does to people when they see your life slowly fading away and see you struggle just to hang on; much more than a regular human could ever hold on. It gives them joy to know that however bad their day is, you've had a worse one."

"Oh boy," Artie replied sarcastically. "I'm so glad I get to be a part of your good samaritan society. Forgive me if I don't kill myself every week for you."

The woman practically beamed. "Oh, don't worry, Mr. Gordon. We'll do that for you. You see, you will always live on to us. No matter how mangled you or Mr. West will get, you will always be fit as fiddles by the end of the mission. You have to be, in order to survive the next ordeal."

"Oh joy. Just tell me, what do you do for a living that causes you so much stress and anxiety that you have to pick on me and Jim every week in order to feel better?"

"I'm a sixth-grade rescource teacher."

"A person like you is teaching kids?!"

"I try."

Artie sighed. "Well, things being the way they are, I suppose I can't complain. After all, I quite enjoy my job and I'm sure Jim does too. As long as you leave us healthy and with girls at the end of each mission, I won't hold what you do as a grudge to you. But there is one thing I have to know... what is your name?"


"Mudstalker! What kind of a name is that?!"

"It's a long story."

"Are all the people in your dimension named such weird names?"

"No, I'm just unique."

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The Still Small Voice reviews
Adam is the firstborn. As such, he has always been in control. He has always has taken care of his family and their land. But when a slew of terrible events hit the Cartwrights, it shakes Adam's faith in himself and in God. Can a strange visitor help Adam place everything in perspective?
Bonanza - Rated: K+ - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,684 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/4/2014 - Adam C., Little Joe C., Hoss C., Ben C. - Complete
The Invited One reviews
When Kono and Danny are seriously injured during a simple bust, Kono ponders the meaning of being a part of the five-o family. More of a Kono based character study, 'cause that gal needs more stories! Please read the author's note for the story background.
Hawaii Five-0 - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,362 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/14/2014 - Kono K. - Complete
Nine Nights reviews
What would Christmas on Atlantis be without Athosian parties? And what happens when John's roped into playing a key part?
Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 11 - Words: 51,645 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 11/30/2013 - Published: 12/3/2011 - Elizabeth W., John S. - Complete
Two Sides of the Same Pineapple reviews
When a mission goes horribly wrong for Juliet and Lassie, Juliet must deal with the realization that Shawn was faking it all along.
Psych - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 18 - Words: 48,221 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 5/27/2013 - Published: 3/13/2012 - Juliet oH., Shawn S. - Complete
Auggie's Annie reviews
Poetry! How Auggie views Annie. Just a short piece of fluff, nothing more.
Covert Affairs - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 326 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/8/2011 - Auggie A., Annie W. - Complete
Reflections reviews
A story made up of short character studies involving the different people on the island. There'll be seven chapters for seven characters, and who each character chooses to reflect about is surprising! Now updated to AU- some things are canon, some not.
Gilligan's Island - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,260 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 5/29/2011 - Published: 4/17/2011 - Complete
The Night Dusk Took the Town reviews
A Twilight Zone Wild Wild West Crossover! With Jim's life in danger and Artie stuck in a bizarre situation, who could resist?
Crossover - Twilight Zone & Wild Wild West - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,036 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 3 - Published: 3/25/2011 - Complete
A Face in the Darkness reviews
After Ben's tragic death, Annie and Auggie's relationship progresses. But when a strange apparition begins to haunt Annie, it may cost her own sanity and Auggie his life. Rated T to be safe.
Covert Affairs - Rated: T - English - Suspense - Chapters: 11 - Words: 21,699 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 11/12/2010 - Published: 10/11/2010 - Annie W., Auggie A. - Complete
Bring Her Home reviews
When Annie goes missing on assignment, a "vacationing" Auggie stops at nothing in order to bring Annie home safely. Rated T to be safe. Now Complete!
Covert Affairs - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 29,385 - Reviews: 162 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 9/24/2010 - Published: 8/30/2010 - Annie W., Auggie A. - Complete
To Take it Calmly reviews
Just a funny drabble I thought up about how Teal'c really must feel some days...
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 772 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 5 - Published: 7/14/2010 - Teal'c - Complete
The Night Cassandra Clemmons Came to Town reviews
Jim gets in trouble while dating on vacation.
Wild Wild West - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,447 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 7/13/2010 - Complete
The Flange reviews
Rodney catches a terrible disease.
Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,029 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/30/2010 - Rodney M. - Complete
The Assassins reviews
Two assassins get the "easy" job of killing Daniel. They think it is a piece of cake... until they actually try to pull it off.
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,185 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/30/2010 - D. Jackson - Complete
The Night of the Christmas Ball reviews
Jim and Artie have an interesting experience with women on the night of the Secret Service's Annual Christmas ball. For those of you attending dances and such this season, I hope this makes you laugh!
Wild Wild West - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,917 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 11/26/2009 - Complete
My Life as a Tradgey reviews
If Dr. McKay kept a journal for a week, what would it be like? You may be surprised.
Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,087 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/16/2009 - Rodney M. - Complete
Artie's New Horse reviews
Ever wondered what happens to all Artie's horses? Just something I thought might be amusing...
Crossover - Bonanza & Wild Wild West - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,065 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/11/2009 - Complete
The Night of the Imaginary Friend reviews
Something a little different... Artie finds himself in a bizarre situation while investigating a tense situation. Can Jim find him in time?
Wild Wild West - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,225 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/3/2009 - Complete
The Night Dr Loveless Became a Thespian reviews
As any self respecting fan knows, Artemus Gordon dearly loves to perform as Hamlet. But when Dr. Loveless demands a performance, it's up to Artie to give the performance of his life... or else.
Wild Wild West - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,990 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/10/2009 - Complete
The Night Sam Shot the Tartar reviews
A second adventure from the maker of "The World's Worst Stargate Fanfic." This story is extraordinarily goofy and is not to be taken seriously. However, if you are in the mood for something ridiculous, then be my guest! Enjoy!
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,539 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 4 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Complete
The Night of the Never Ending Nightmare reviews
Jim recieves a strange warning that Artie's life is in danger. Note: This was a project I started for Halloween. I just now had time to finish it and thought we all needed a little scary story...
Wild Wild West - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,855 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/17/2009 - Complete
The Worst Stargate Fanfic Ever reviews
What if you could take every Stargate idiom and put it into a page or less? It's pretty impossible, but I tried. Note: this is the edited version. I'm sorry for the confusion of the first upload; it didn't load quite right. I hope this is more readable
Stargate: SG-1 - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 760 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 9 - Published: 2/9/2009 - Complete
TNOT Amorous Antidote reviews
Emma Valentine is back, and this time she is way more prepared to meet Jim and Artie. Based on the TV series.
Wild Wild West - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,478 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/9/2009 - Complete
The Night of the Maze Master reviews
A man from Artie's past keeps a deadly promise he made to Artie ten years earlier. Based on the TV show.
Wild Wild West - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,675 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Published: 7/29/2008 - Complete
The Night of the Deadly Dream reviews
This is my first fanfic, so here it goes. Jim and Artie recieve an interesting package you'd think they'd be more careful about screening the mail .
Wild Wild West - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,498 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Complete