Cat's Eye through a Mousehole
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Joined 07-09-08, id: 1629717, Profile Updated: 11-23-10
Author has written 4 stories for Harry Potter, Bible, and Dresden Files.

Hello, victi-I mean, readers! Welcome to my profile! I am Cat's Eye through a Mousehole, and more than you can realize. For instance, I am the ruler of a small country in western Europe, called Perium. Near Italy. You won't have heard of it. It's cut off entirely by mountains, and so has developed an entirely different language than any other language. Here is our national anthem-

First in English:

Rise up, ye heirs-to-a-large-fortune of the Motherland!

Consume no longer the rotten fruit imported from other countries!

Taste no more the wine of the grapes imported from other countries!

Throw down your instruments used for carving expensive woods!

Beat your instruments used for carving cheap woods into swords!

Beat your hammers into bigger, more dangerous hammers!

Though our people are not of great population

We into the shadows of large mountains march in a military fashion while singing!

They started it! It wasn't our fault! They deserved it!

The new day is made of wood!

And now in Perian:

Asador, thun gorrini an ra Jessss!

Than ala dorre ra verka ompuri an risbari hessss!

Gan ala tras ra ompu an risba hessss henyuri!

Evivru mon thana benyuri!

Mentatha thana jesteni a kakrani!

Mentatha thana dombumi a dombumi gaala, tras gonbani!

Helo ree reenira ala mari an trestadoranitha

Reeni a ra yinnari jortanitanitha!

Nigatha!

Ra wo nuevo ma an gothitantithoar atha!

We're going to conquer the world one day, you know. Someday you'll wake up, and a carved figurine made of fine oak of a tree cut down in its prime, in the spring, at evening, so as for better carving ability, is going to be by your bedside. And you'll think, "We were conquered by Perium!" And Cat's Eye through a Mousehole will be your ruler FOREVER!!

I also enjoy Lord of the Rings, Eragon, and anything humourous.

However, my main obsession is the movie Titanic. 1997 version. Leonardo diCaprio x Kate Winslett.

It's the sole reason that I am in love with Leonardo diCaprio.

List your top ten favourite Harry Potter characters in no particular order.

1) Bellatrix Lestrange

2) Rita Skeeter

3) Dolores Umbridge

4) Nymphadora Tonks

5) Teenage!Gellert Grindelwald

6) Fred Weasley

7) DHMovie!Fenrir Greyback

8) James Potter

9) Teenage!Sirius Black

10) Luna Lovegood

Have you read a five/ten fic before?

Grindelwald/Luna? Um, no. Well, not until five minutes ago, when I went and found one. So now my brain is broken.

Do you think three is hot? How hot?

No. Just... no. She looks like my seventh-grade science teacher who hated my guts. Just... no.

What would happen if six got one pregnant?

If Fred got Bellatrix pregnant.

If Fred got Bellatrix pregnant.

Jeesh. Um. I suspect an abortion.

Do you recall any good fics about nine?

Teenage Sirius Black? Oh, plenty.

Would seven and two make a good couple?

Greyback/Skeeter: Well, I'm talking about Movie 7 Greyback, who wears guyliner and is most definitely gay. And he would think that Rita Skeeter is preppy and strange. So no, not really.

Four/eight or four/nine?

Tonks/James Potter or Tonks/teenage Sirius Black? Hmm. I think Tonks and James would have lots of fun, but it wouldn't be a lasting relationship. Tonks/teenage Sirius might last quite a while, as long as Tonks was teenage too. I think teenage Sirius would get a kick out of the whole Metamorphagus thing-- he liked it a bit in OOTP, and he was practically suicidal then.

What would happen if seven discovered three and eight were having a secret relationship?

What would happen if Greyback discovered Umbridge and James Potter were having a secret relationship?

((goes off to die laughing))

((comes back))

Make a summary of at least twenty words for a two/six fic.

Rita Skeeter/Fred Weasley - He thought she was an idiot reporter who'd nearly ruined his friend's life. She thought he was an ignorant boy who could do nothing but make cheap wizarding gimmicks. It was the love that never happened.

Suggest a title for a one/five Hurt/Comfort fic.

Bellatrix/teenage!Grindelwald: Wow! Um! Grindelwald is gay, y'know...

What kind of plot would you use if four wanted to seduce one?

Tonks/Bellatrix - Dammit, I knew I shouldn't have put a bunch of women at the front. I'm terrible at femslash. Oh well. I would use a plot in which

GOD! I CAN'T DO THIS! IT'S TOO WRONG!

Does anyone on your friends list read number seven/nine?

DHMovie!Greyback/teenage!Sirius Black? I don't think that even exists. Lemme check. Can't find anything.

If you wrote a songfic about number ten, what song would you choose?

Something upbeat. Nutty. Maybe a Decemberists song, or one of the Beatles' songs where they sound like they're high. Luna is that type.

Bolded ones apply to me.

I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
I'm a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.

I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH OR READ PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear a skirts (It's actually called a kilt)
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.

I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroos
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist.

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