Ilyia
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Joined 07-10-08, id: 1630079, Profile Updated: 11-11-08

ಠ_ಠ

Age: 15

Gender: F


"Are you breeding?"

~Honorius, Bartimaeus Trilogy: The Golem's Eye


Oh My God, I'll

Never Get Home
by Russell Edson

A piece of a man had broken off in a road. He picked it up and put it in his pocket. As he stopped to pick up another piece he came apart at the waist.

His bottom half was still standing. He walked over on his elbows and grabbed the seat of his pants and said, legs go home.
But as they were going along his head fell off. His head yelled, legs stop.

And then one of his knees came apart. But meanwhile his heart had dropped out of his trunk.
As his head screamed, legs turn around, his tongue fell out.
Oh my God, he thought, I'll never get home...

~ ಠ_ಠ ~

P.S. I found this poem on watercircle's account. I liked it for many reasons. Which I won't say because that'll take too long, and I suspect I'll get side-tracked along the way. Anyway... If you're looking for a good Tsubasa Chronicles or Full Metal Alchemist fanfic, I suggest you go over to her account and read Hagaren Country. It's really good. Seriously. It's hard to find good crossover fics, but this one... Totally worth reading.

On an unrelated note: if you're interested in art, anime, manga, or things of the like, you could go over and click on my homepage. It'll lead you to my devArt account. I figure I might as well try to show you something if I don't post any stories up or anything.

(Not that I think you'd care anyway... whoever you are. This is, after all, a fanfiction website. >_>; But it's worth a try...)

(Although I guess some would argue that anime/manga isn't really art, so then... =_= I don't know. I guess I'll have to start calling whatever it is I'm doing with paper and pencil something else sooner or later. Not that I mind all that much. It's not like I'd stop because of that.)

Oh, what the hell, ignore this.

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In the Keeping of HFA by Meir Brin reviews
Something more is happening at the Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy this year. Something other than mass fanwriter education Through Pain. Something more... sinister? Maybe, but "chaotic" and "insane" work too.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 47,430 - Reviews: 458 - Favs: 171 - Follows: 91 - Updated: 1/23/2010 - Published: 9/9/2003
Hagaren Country by watercircle reviews
TCxFMA Ed and Al get word of a powerful alchemy amplifier in the shape of a feather. Could this finally be their salvation? Meanwhile, the Tsubasa gang appears in Amestris to search for Sakura’s lost memory fragment... Slight FMA timewarp.
Tsubasa Chronicle - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Angst - Chapters: 11 - Words: 52,440 - Reviews: 288 - Favs: 161 - Follows: 184 - Updated: 11/14/2009 - Published: 5/13/2006
The Chronicles of Gladstone by CaMiAk reviews
Gladstone was a depressed man with no future, political or otherwise. Until one man showed him an entirely different path. Now, Gladstone's ambition and power grow daily, and no one, it seems, can stop him...
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 4 - Words: 5,693 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 3/2/2009 - Published: 12/3/2008 - W. Gladstone
Falling by Gennerator reviews
Ling, Ran Fan, and a pit. Surely nothing too drastic can happen.
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,015 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 235 - Follows: 15 - Published: 1/1/2009 - Ling Y., Madame Christmas - Complete
Sun on the Leaves by Nari-nick reviews
She doesn't care about whatever barriers there are supposed to be between them. BxK.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 18 - Words: 7,834 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 11/22/2008 - Published: 6/10/2008
A Day in the Life by Bowles reviews
In an alternate universe without magic, a sarcastic store owner by the name of Bartimaeus hires an ambitious young man named Nathaniel and sets into motion a series of events neither of them could have foreseen. NatKitty
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 22 - Words: 120,810 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 10/10/2008 - Published: 10/24/2007 - Complete
Brother Burglar by Revontuli reviews
When Edward brings Bella home for the first time, not everyone is happy. While her family is overjoyed, Rosalie seems to be the only being in the house to perceive the truth. Originally written for the Cullen Oneshot Challenge of twilightarchives.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,559 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Rosalie - Complete
You Can Call Me Tommy by Bowles reviews
You know something's amiss when Voldemort's on a mission to right his wrongs and save the universe for all that it's worth.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 58,145 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 6/12/2008 - Published: 11/16/2005 - Voldemort, Harry P.
The Way by Shire.Conspire reviews
Draco Malfoy, the rich and arrogant fool. Pansy Parkinson, the wealthy and stubborn brat...Draco Malfoy, the abused and trialed hero. Pansy Parkinson, the brave and emotional heroine. Everything's more interesting on the dark side.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 29 - Words: 269,876 - Reviews: 278 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 3/27/2008 - Published: 7/21/2003 - Draco M., Pansy P.
Ten Years Gone by Bowles reviews
Ten years after they last met, Harry encounters Dudley in the Muggle world and finds that time has changed the youngest Dursley.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,756 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 22 - Published: 11/30/2007 - Harry P., Dudley D. - Complete
Accepting Irony by Contrarian reviews
[A parody of Eoin Colfer's 'The Wish List'] AU: Kitty is killed by the golem, and now she has to help someone on earth change their ways for the better in order to earn a place in heaven. Three guesses who…
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 23,104 - Reviews: 78 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 9/6/2007 - Published: 7/16/2005
A Milder Fate by Contrarian reviews
[Stranger Than Fiction] One shot: Karen Eiffel kills her characters, but always for a reason.
Misc. Movies - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 831 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Published: 8/21/2007 - Complete
Far From Home by Contrarian reviews
[One shot] Bartimaeus is summoned for the first time after Ptolemy's death.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,309 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/13/2007 - Complete
Enough by Maiden of the Moon reviews
The fact that he had a question wasn't surprising... when didn't Ptolemy have a question? No, it was the question itself that shocked Bartimaeus to his essence filled core: Rekhyt, do djinn feel love? [BartimaeusxPtolemy. For Lessa.]
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,476 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 8 - Published: 6/8/2007 - Complete
Anna and Yoh by Surrealistic Strawberry reviews
A parody of ANOTHER fic 'Yoh and Anna' by Orange Headphones, which is really great if you haven't read it. And YES, I did have permission to make fun of OH's story. Please read the other fic first, and then R&R! Most importantly, ENJOY!
Shaman King - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,074 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 7 - Published: 5/20/2007 - Anna K., Yoh A. - Complete
Of Pentacles, Rocking Chairs, and Presumed Deaths by otahyoni reviews
Kitty summons Bartimaeus after the events of Ptolemy's Gate. Kitty/Bartimaeus friendship.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,220 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 6 - Published: 4/7/2007 - Bartimaeus, Kitty J. - Complete
An Epilogue by Annie D reviews
Everyone needs closure. Set some time after the events of Ptolemy's Gate.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,082 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/23/2007 - Complete
Why You Cannot Trust Bartimaeus Shopping by ValkyrieRavenfeather reviews
Nathaniel recieves a mysterious letter from his favorite shopping area. Is Bartimaeus at fault? Most certainly! Rated T due to very minor sexual references. I could probably get by with lower.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,348 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 7 - Published: 1/19/2007 - Complete
Promise by CalliopeMused reviews
Kitty remembers old promises. So does Bartimaeus. [Oneshot] Spoilers for Ptolemy's Gate.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,542 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Published: 10/7/2006 - Complete
Depths by Angst Equinox reviews
A collection of never before done pairings. Read if you dare.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,482 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 10/6/2006 - Published: 4/30/2006
The Only Good Magician by CalliopeMused reviews
The only good magician is a dead magician. Bartimaeus knows that for a fact, and no last summoning is going to change that. [Oneshot] Spoilers for Ptolemy's Gate.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,420 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 5 - Published: 9/5/2006 - Complete
Barbershop Blues by Krimmy reviews
The Demon Rebellion is but a drunken illusion. Mandrake wanders into a barbershop and spins a tale of political intrigue and his love for a pair of boots. Bartiforums contest entry.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,195 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/25/2006 - Complete
Alternatives by Bowles reviews
Sometimes the best answers are questions. [NatKitty]
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 11,659 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 6/16/2006 - Published: 5/26/2006 - Complete
The Bartimaeus Fanfiction Academy by Grim and Mogget reviews
A Miss Cam authorized spinoff: In which BadFic authors get their fannies kicked...er, are taught the finer points of writing by a Grim headmistress, a veritable army of goblin imps, and, of course, the irate canon characters.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,398 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 4/26/2006 - Published: 7/29/2005
Live and Let Die by Blizpeak reviews
One Shot: After becoming distraught over the disappearance of Nathaniel, missing in action since the defeat of Nouda, Kitty summons Bartimaeus once more to inquire as to his whereabouts. A finale of sorts, a much needed closer to the third book.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,010 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/6/2006 - Complete
Certifiably Frightening by Grim and Mogget reviews
In which Zoe, esteemed writer of cliches, finds that Draco and Harry don't look like the actors (horrified gasp), Transfiguration is a HARD subject, and dreams about pudding are in no way prophetic. Sometimes you have to learn the hard way.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Parody - Chapters: 7 - Words: 24,561 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 2/20/2006 - Published: 3/16/2005
Sparkly Gauze Wings by AmethystPhoenix1 reviews
It was a day John Mandrake wished he could forget, but never could. The sparkly gauze wings were just the beginning... Missing Moment between Golem's Eye and Ptolemy's Gate, derived from quote in Ptolemy's Gate.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,922 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 2/18/2006 - Complete
Why? by Candelabra reviews
Spoilers abound ... Kitty muses and writes down her thoughts and questions about and for Nathaniel ...
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 535 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 7 - Published: 1/17/2006 - Complete
Endearing by Tenebres d'Eden reviews
It was just a typical meeting to rebuild London. Yet she realizes something as she punches him, as he utters those casual yet profound words... She's missing something. She's missing him. And there's nothing she can do about it. Spoilers. [Oneshot]
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,592 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/16/2006 - Complete
A Game of Chess by Bowles reviews
There were once three champions: the mastermind, the rebel, and the spirit. Yet they didn't know that they, like all beings, were just pawns in the greatest game ever played. [Written before Book 3]
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 106,837 - Reviews: 201 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 11/15/2005 - Published: 2/9/2005 - Complete
Survival by Contrarian reviews
[One shot, post Ptolemy's Gate] 'Disappeared' doesn't necessarily mean 'dead'. Not featuring the character you may be visualizing...
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,579 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/20/2005 - Complete
Gratitude by Contrarian reviews
[One shot, Post Ptolemy's Gate] Sometimes the noblest deeds are the hardest ones to be grateful for.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 780 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/19/2005 - Complete
Ramifications SSG 2point5 by rabbit and -v-Jinx-v reviews
Actions, even desperately stupid ones, have consequences hence this sequel to Stuck, and Stuck in the Muddle. New and improved with an EPIILOGUE!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 48,658 - Reviews: 295 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 6/10/2005 - Published: 4/7/2002 - Severus S., Lucius M. - Complete
Monsters by Contrarian reviews
[One shot] The events immediately following Nathaniel’s first encounter with demons at six years old. Dark, possibly disturbing, hence the rating.
Bartimaeus Trilogy - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,141 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/12/2005 - Complete
Adorabelle by Tie Kerl reviews
One-shot: A short, pointless story about what would happen if Artemis Fowl the Second built up an immunity to Mary-Sues...
Artemis Fowl - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 750 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 4 - Published: 10/27/2004 - Complete
The Hogwarts Fanfiction Academy by Meir Brin reviews
**Complete!** Welcome to HFA, a school for fanfiction writers of the Harry Potter designation. Yet who would have the courage to teach such a motley bunch? Why the Harry Potter characters themselves, of course! (A Miss Cam-authorized OFU)
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 79,887 - Reviews: 869 - Favs: 475 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 7/17/2003 - Published: 9/26/2002 - Complete
If Ewe Are Prepared SSG 275 by rabbit and -v-Jinx-v reviews
A short yarn spun off of Ramifications
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,727 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 4 - Published: 4/28/2002 - Severus S. - Complete
Stuck in the Muddle With You SSG 2 by rabbit and -v-Jinx-v reviews
Nothing really changes... Although the Slytherin Study Group really wishes that it would! A sequel to
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,792 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/17/2002 - Severus S. - Complete
Stuck Slytherin Study Group 1 by rabbit and -v-Jinx-v reviews
Short silliness involving several stymied Slytherin students, including one Severus Snape!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 616 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 81 - Follows: 7 - Published: 3/4/2002 - Severus S. - Complete
Twisted Fate: by Bottou-chan reviews
Fifteen years in the future, an unwitting Ganko and Koganei reunite.
Flame of Recca - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 4,944 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 2/24/2001 - Published: 2/2/2001