Hello, people! My name's Bee, and I'm totally obsessed with fanfiction! Kinda obvious, but whatever.
Here's a little bit about me:
My favorite bands/artists are Creed, Lifehouse, Secondhand Serenade, John Mayer, Nickelback, Goo Goo Dolls, Maroon 5, Coldplay, Train, Incubus, Breaking Benjamin, Evanescence, Three Doors Down, Gavin Degraw, Staind, Boys Like Girls, and much, MUCH more!!
My favorite color is Purple.
My favorite passion/hobby is dancing, and then writing. I dance ballet, jazz, lyrical/contemporary, hip-hop, pointe, and tap.
My favorite animals are pandas. They're so adorable! :-)
My favorite books are the Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling, Chasing Redbird by Sharon Creech, and Pride and Prejudice by, who other than Jane Austen.
Currently, my favorite songs are Misery by Maroon 5 and Hotblack by Oceanship.
My best friend is Xizi here at fanfiction.net, or Italy, as I like to call her. HI, ITALY!! (You just lost the game xD)
Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms.
Alexander was a great general.
Generals are forewarned; to be forewarned is to be forearmed.
Four is an even number.
Four is also an odd number of arms to have.
The only number that is both even and odd is infinite.
Alexander the Great had an infinite number of arms.
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
OMC-Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward (into a vampire), so God is Carlisle. That and every one of us woke up, saw Carlisle, and thought he was God.
And God (CARLISLE) said "Let there be Edward," ... and it was good. Very good.
This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more. (Friend or Money!)
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
"When life gives you lemons, make grape soda and let the world wonder how you did it."
"When life gives you lemons, hand them back and say 'make your own damn lemonade'."
"Before you insult someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way when you do insult them you are a mile away and you have their shoes."
Band teacher to farting kid "Now if only we could get the tubas to reach that pitch..."
"Haikus are easy
But sometimes they don't make sense
"Caffeine first, saving the world later."
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
"Who ever said anything was possible never tried nailing jello to a tree."
"I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."
"Being pissed off is WAY better than being pissed on."
Build a bridge and get over it.
"When you close the fridge, does the light really go off?"
"Good morning, starshine, the earth says hello!"
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.
Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Strangers have the best candy.
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.
Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.
Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train!
I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth.
If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
If you don’t like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!
Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.
DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription.
G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me.
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defense.
Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!
Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the
Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with Braille on them.
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'!
The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.
Money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with.
Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.
ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait.
I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed.
I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake.
If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress?
I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn’t explain away afterwards.
It’s funny – the people who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up.
Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness doesn’t know where to shop.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Death is inevitable; don't fear it; love it, embrace it, stare at while it confronts you then turn around and run away, screaming for daddy.
"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can’t paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that paper up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say "oh shit, I'm sorry! I thought paper would protect you, asshole."
14 Annoying Things to do in a Movie Theatre
1) Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.
2) Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.
3) Wear one of those "cat in the hat" top hats.
4) Point a laser pointer at the screen. Give the audience a laser light show.
5) Bring a book and a bright light. Start reading the book with the light on. When someone asks you to turn out the light, yell, "Shh, I'm trying to read!"
6) Throw spit wads on the screen. Try throwing them on the upper part of the screen so they can't get scraped off.
7) Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.
8) Laugh hysterically during the sad parts in the movie, cry during the funny ones.
9) Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.
10) Laugh very loudly at all the corny jokes.
11) Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.
12) Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.
13) Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.
14) Sit front row, the minute the movie starts run out screaming.
In Honor of Stupid People: In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed to stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping. (Shoot, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap," (and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought??...)
On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year olds with head-colds off the forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And...I'm taking this because??...)
On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious!)
On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, ooh...fly Delta?)
On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (Oh my...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity.
10 best excuses when you get caught falling asleep on your desk:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk...
1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
-- The English Language--
There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. And while no one knows what is in a hotdog, you can be pretty sure it isn't canine. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice. One louse, 2 lice. One house, 2 hice? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? Ship by truck or car and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as heck one day and cold as heck another? When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out and an alarm clock goes off by going on. You get in and out of a car, yet you get on and off a bus. When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it? English is a silly language ... it doesn't know if it is coming or going!!
Relieving Stress in Class
1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY".
4. Address the professor as "your Excellency".
5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"
6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.
7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.
8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the ‘i’ is silent.
9. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.
10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.
11. Wink at the professor every few minutes.
12. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.
13. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.
25 Fun Pool Activities:
1) Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.
2) Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.
3) Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.
4) Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.
5) Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.
6) Hit strangers with your flutter board.
7) Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.
8) Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good...''
9) Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.
10) Swim near someone and go ''Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here.''
11) Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.
12) Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''
13) Scream as someone is jumping off of a diving board.
14) Laugh at fat people in swimsuits
15) Tell people you saw the lifeguard peeing in the pool.
16) Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.
17) Try to negotiate the price of getting in.
18) Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.
19) When in line, ask strangers if they think invisible people get a discount.
20) Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee! I'm Batman!'' while running around.
21) Hit strangers with your wet towel.
22) Throw people's things into the pool.
23) Sing and dance on top of the diving board, then do a belly-flop as your grand-finale.
24) Play Marco-Polo by yourself.
25) Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.
If you actually got to the bottom of my profile, I have either two things to say to you...
You are awesomely bomb.
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