Jacobi Boniface Roxford
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Poll: So, is The Second Coming the first time you have ever seen a Sage of Six Paths story? If you have seen another, please leave a reveiw telling me what it is called, so I can go check it out, maybe get some inspiration to write, because I have a really bad Vote Now!
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Joined 08-08-08, id: 1661106, Profile Updated: 07-14-09
Author has written 1 story for Naruto.

or Cizoc Yyxijae

Yay! Celebrating the 1 year anniversary of me making this account! -7/14/09

Go Check out UnderWearNinja's profile. Now. I'm not kidding. http://www.fanfiction.net/u/904202/

Do you like Puppets? Do you just know deep down that Sasori could never have died? Then join the Puppet Association of Konoha! Just add your name to our member roster and post it in your profile to show your pride! changelingchild, crimsonchidori, SasukeSakuraXXxItachiSakura, Serena the Kitsune, Almores, Artful Lounger, Underwearninja, Jacobi Boniface Roxford

Do you hate Sasuke? Do you believe he should die in a fire? then Join the Sasuke Must Die Coalition of Konohakagure! Just add your name to our member list and post it in your profile to show your pride!UnderWearNinja, Jacobi Boniface Roxford

Ok, you guys, you know how sometimes get those things that say, like, put this on your account or I'll kill you? THIS ISN'T ONE OF THEM!

A teenage girl about 17 named Diane had gone to visit some friends one evening and time passed quickly as each shared their various experiences of the past year. She ended up staying longer than planned, and had to walk home alone. She wasn't afraid because it was a small town and she lived only a few blocks away.

As she walked along under the tall elm trees, Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm and danger. When she reached the alley, which was a short cut to her house, she decided to take it. However, halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he were waiting for her. She became uneasy and began to pray, asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness and security wrapped round her, she felt as though someone was walking with her. When she reached the end of the alley, she walked right past the man and arrived home safely.

The following day, she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just twenty minutes after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy and the fact that it could have been her, she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety and to help this young woman, she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man, so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a lineup to see if she could identify him. She agreed and immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told he had been identified, he immediately broke down and confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery and asked if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man one question. Diane was curious as to why he had not attacked her. When the policeman asked him, he answered, "Because she wasn't alone. She had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly, whether you believe or not, you're never alone. Did you know that 98 of teenagers will not stand up for God, and 93 of the people that read this won’t repost it?

Repost this if you truly believe in God.


Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present...

The Top 100 Things I'd Do
If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.

My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."

After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.

I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.

No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.

If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.

I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.

My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.

I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.

When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."

I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.

If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Of course, these are merely the Top 100 Things I'd do. Other suggestions have been sent to me which didn't quite make the Top 100 List. But they are still so good that I couldn't bear to throw them out. Therefore, as an expression of gratitude, I have tossed them into...

The Dungeon

Peter's plan to create a Top 100 List has come to fruition. However, there are several other bits of advice he'd follow if he ever became an Evil Overlord...

I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is destined to overthrow me -- I'll do it myself.

I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident -- I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.

I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word "mercy"; I simply choose not show them any.

My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or adhere to any other dress codes.

I will design all doomsday machines myself. If I must hire a mad scientist to assist me, I will make sure that he is sufficiently twisted to never regret his evil ways and seek to undo the damage he's caused.

If my supreme command center comes under attack, I will immediately flee to safety in my prepared escape pod and direct the defenses from there. I will not wait until the troops break into my inner sanctum to attempt this.

Even though I don't really care because I plan on living forever, I will hire engineers who are able to build me a fortress sturdy enough that, if I am slain, it won't tumble to the ground for no good structural reason.

Any and all magic and/or technology that can miraculously resurrect a secondary character who has given up his/her life through self sacrifice will be outlawed and destroyed.

I will see to it that plucky young lads/lasses in strange clothes and with the accent of an outlander shall REGULARLY climb some monument in the main square of my capital and denounce me, claim to know the secret of my power, rally the masses to rebellion, etc. That way, the citizens will be jaded in case the real thing ever comes along.

I will not employ devious schemes that involve the hero's party getting into my inner sanctum before the trap is sprung.

I will offer oracles the choice of working exclusively for me or being executed.

I will not rely entirely upon "totally reliable" spells that can be neutralized by relatively inconspicuous talismans.

I will make the main entrance to my fortress standard-sized. While elaborate 60-foot high double-doors definitely impress the masses, they are hard to close quickly in an emergency.

I will never accept a challenge from the hero.

I will not engage an enemy single-handedly until all my soldiers are dead.

If I capture the hero's starship, I will keep it in the landing bay with the ramp down, only a few token guards on duty and a ton of explosives set to go off as soon as it clears the blast-range.

No matter how much I want revenge, I will never order an underling "Leave him. He's mine!"

If I have equipment which performs an important function, it will not be activated by a lever that someone could trigger by accidentally falling on when fatally wounded.

I will not attempt to kill the hero by placing a venomous creature in his room. It will just wind up accidentally killing one of my clumsy henchmen instead.

Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.

If I come into possession of an artifact which can only be used by the pure of heart, I will not attempt to use it regardless.

The gun turrets on my fortress will not rotate enough so that they may direct fire inward or at each other.

If I decide to hold a contest of skill open to the general public, contestants will be required to remove their hooded cloaks and shave their beards before entering.

Prior to kidnapping an older male scientist and forcing him to work for me, I will investigate his offspring and make sure that he has neither a beautiful but naive daughter who is willing to risk anything to get him back, nor an estranged son who works in the same field but had a falling-out with his father many years ago.

Should I actually decide to kill the hero in an elaborate escape-proof deathtrap room (water filling up, sand pouring down, walls converging, etc.) I will not leave him alone five-to-ten minutes prior to "imminent" death, but will instead (finding a vantage point or monitoring camera) stick around and enjoy watching my adversary's demise.

Rather than having only one secret escape pod, which the hero can easily spot and follow, I'll simultaneously launch a few dozen decoys to throw him off track.

Prison guards will have their own cantina featuring a wide variety of tasty treats that will deliver snacks to the guards while on duty. The guards will also be informed that accepting food or drink from any other source will result in execution.

I will not employ robots as agents of destruction if there is any possible way that they can be re-programmed or if their battery packs are externally mounted and easily removable.

Despite the delicious irony, I will not force two heroes to fight each other in the arena.

All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.

I will never place the key to a cell just out of a prisoner's reach.

Before appointing someone as my trusted lieutenant, I will conduct a thorough background investigation and security clearance.

If I find my beautiful consort with access to my fortress has been associating with the hero, I'll have her executed. It's regrettable, but new consorts are easier to get than new fortresses and maybe the next one will pay attention at the orientation meeting.

If I am escaping in a large truck and the hero is pursuing me in a small Italian sports car, I will not wait for the hero to pull up along side of me and try to force him off the road as he attempts to climb aboard. Instead I will slam on the brakes when he's directly behind me. (A rudimentary knowledge of physics can prove quite useful.)

My doomsday machine will have a highly-advanced technological device called a capacitor in case someone inconveniently pulls the plug at the last second. (If I have access to REALLY advanced technology, I will include a back-up device known as a battery.)

If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it has to be deactivated and make every wire red.

Before spending available funds on giant gargoyles, gothic arches, or other cosmetically intimidating pieces of architecture, I will see if there are any valid military expenditures that could use the extra budget.

The passageways to and within my domain will be well-lit with fluorescent lighting. Regrettably, the spooky atmosphere will be lost, but my security patrols will be more effective.

If I'm sitting in my camp, hear a twig snap, start to investigate, then encounter a small woodland creature, I will send out some scouts anyway just to be on the safe side. (If they disappear into the foliage, I will not send out another patrol; I will break out the napalm.)

I will instruct my guards when checking a cell that appears empty to look for the chamber pot. If the chamber pot is still there, then the prisoner has escaped and they may enter and search for clues. If the chamber pot is not there, then either the prisoner is perched above the lintel waiting to strike them with it or else he decided to take it as a souvenir (in which case he is obviously deeply disturbed and poses no threat). Either way, there's no point in entering.

As an alternative to not having children, I will have lots of children. My sons will be too busy jockeying for position to ever be a real threat, and the daughters will all sabotage each other's attempts to win the hero.

If I have children and subsequently grandchildren, I will keep my three-year-old granddaughter near me at all times. When the hero enters to kill me, I will ask him to first explain to her why it is necessary to kill her beloved grandpa. When the hero launches into an explanation of morality way over her head, that will be her cue to pull the lever and send him into the pit of crocodiles. After all, small children like crocodiles almost as much as Evil Overlords and it's important to spend quality time with the grandkids.

If one of my daughters actually manages to win the hero and openly defies me, I will congratulate her on her choice, declare a national holiday to celebrate the wedding, and proclaim the hero my heir. This will probably be enough to break up the relationship. If not, at least I am assured that no hero will attack my Legions of Terror when they are holding a parade in his honor.

I will order my guards to stand in a line when they shoot at the hero so he cannot duck and have them accidentally shoot each other. Also, I will order some to aim above, below, and to the sides so he cannot jump out of the way.

My dungeon cell decor will not feature exposed pipes. While they add to the gloomy atmosphere, they are good conductors of vibrations and a lot of prisoners know Morse code.

If my surveillance reports any un-manned or seemingly innocent ships found where they are not supposed to be, they will be immediately vaporized instead of brought in for salvage.

I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously.

Before ridiculing my enemies for wasting time on a device to stop me that couldn't possibly work, I will first acquire a copy of the schematics and make sure that in fact it couldn't possibly work.

Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top of the ceiling.

I will provide funding and research to develop tactical and strategic weapons covering a full range of needs so my choices are not limited to "hand to hand combat with swords" and "blow up the planet".

I will not set myself up as a god. That perilous position is reserved for my trusted lieutenant.

I will instruct my fashion designer that when it comes to accessorizing, second-chance body armor goes well with every outfit.

My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer. Conversely, when it is prophesied that no man can defeat me, I will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender roles.

I will instruct my Legions of Terror in proper search techniques. In particular, if they are searching for escapees and someone shouts, "Quick! They went that way!", they must first ascertain the identity of this helpful informant before dashing off in hot pursuit.

If I know of any heroes in the land, I will not under any circumstance kill their mentors, teachers, and/or best friends.

If I have the hero and his party trapped, I will not wait until my Superweapon charges to finish them off if more conventional means are available.

Whenever plans are drawn up that include a time-table, I'll post-date the completion 3 days after it's actually scheduled to occur and not worry too much if they get stolen.

I will exchange the labels on my folder of top-secret plans and my folder of family recipes. Imagine the hero's surprise when he decodes the stolen plans and finds instructions for Grandma's Potato Salad.

If I burst into rebel headquarters and find it deserted except for an odd, blinking device, I will not walk up and investigate; I'll run like hell.

Before being accepted into my Legions of Terror, potential recruits will have to pass peripheral vision and hearing tests, and be able to recognize the sound of a pebble thrown to distract them.

I will occasionally vary my daily routine and not live my life in a rut. For example, I will not always take a swig of wine or ring a giant gong before finishing off my enemy.

If I steal something very important to the hero, I will not put it on public display.

When planning an expedition, I will choose a route for my forces that does not go through thick, leafy terrain conveniently located near the rebel camp.

I will hire one hopelessly stupid and incompetent lieutenant, but make sure that he is full of misinformation when I send him to capture the hero.

As an equal-opportunity employer, I will have several hearing-impaired body-guards. That way if I wish to speak confidentially with someone, I'll just turn my back so the guards can't read my lips instead of sending all of them out of the room.

If the rebels manage to trick me, I will make a note of what they did so that I do not keep falling for the same trick over and over again.

If I am recruiting to find someone to run my computer systems, and my choice is between the brilliant programmer who's head of the world's largest international technology conglomerate and an obnoxious 15-year-old dork who's trying to impress his dream girl, I'll take the brat and let the hero get stuck with the genius.

I will plan in advance what to do with each of my enemies if they are captured. That way, I will never have to order someone to be tied up while I decide his fate.

If I have massive computer systems, I will take at least as many precautions as a small business and include things such as virus-scans and firewalls.

I will be an equal-opportunity despot and make sure that terror and oppression is distributed fairly, not just against one particular group that will form the core of a rebellion.

I will not locate a base in a volcano, cave, or any other location where it would be ridiculously easy to bypass security by rapelling down from above.

I will allow guards to operate under a flexible work schedule. That way if one is feeling sleepy, he can call for a replacement, punch out, take a nap, and come back refreshed and alert to finish out his shift.

Although it would provide amusement, I will not confess to the hero's rival that I was the one who committed the heinous act for which he blames the hero.

If I am dangling over a precipice and the hero reaches his hand down to me, I will not attempt to pull him down with me. I will allow him to rescue me, thank him properly, then return to the safety of my fortress and order his execution.

I will have my fortress exorcized regularly. Although ghosts in the dungeon provide an appropriate atmosphere, they tend to provide valuable information once placated.

I will add indelible dye to the moat. It won't stop anyone from swimming across, but even dim-witted guards should be able to figure out when someone has entered in this fashion.

If a scientist with a beautiful and unmarried daughter refuses to work for me, I will not hold her hostage. Instead, I will offer to pay for her future wedding and her children's college tuition.

If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!!" I will not laugh and say "You don't expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if anything was heading for me it will now be heading for him.

I will not outsource core functions.

If I ever build a device to transfer the hero's energy into me, I will make sure it cannot operate in reverse.

I will decree that all hay be shipped in tightly-packed bales. Any wagonload of loose hay attempting to pass through a checkpoint will be set on fire.

I will not hold any sort of public celebration within my castle walls. Any event open to members of the public will be held down the road in the festival pavilion.

Before using any device which transfers energy directly into my body, I will install a surge suppressor.

I will hire a drama coach. The hero will think it must be a case of mistaken identity when confronted by my Minnesota accent (if everyone sounds American) or my Cornwall accent (if everyone sounds British).

If I capture an enemy known for escaping via ingenious and fantastic little gadgets, I will order a full cavity search and confiscate all personal items before throwing him in my dungeon.

I will not devise any scheme in which Part A consists of tricking the hero into unwittingly helping me and Part B consists of laughing at him then leaving him to his own devices.

I will not hold lavish banquets in the middle of a famine. The good PR among the guests doesn't make up for the bad PR among the masses.

I will funnel some of my ill-gotten gains into urban renewal projects. Although slums add a quaint and picturesque quality to any city, they too often contain unexpected allies for heroes.

I will never tell the hero "Yes I was the one who did it, but you'll never be able to prove it to that incompetent old fool." Chances are, that incompetant old fool is standing behind the curtain.

If my mad scientist/wizard tells me he has almost perfected my Superweapon but it still needs more testing, I will wait for him to complete the tests. No one ever conquered the world using a beta version.

I will not appoint a relative to my staff of advisors. Not only is nepotism the cause of most breakdowns in policy, but it also causes trouble with the EEOC.

If I appoint someone as my consort, I will not subsequently inform her that she is being replaced by a younger, more attractive woman.

If I am using the hero's girlfriend as a hostage and am holding her at the point of imminent death when confronting the hero, I will focus on her and not him. He won't try anything with his true love held hostage. On the other hand, the fact that she has been weak, slow-witted, naive and generally useless up to this point has no bearing on her actions at the moment of dramatic climax.

I will make several ludicrously erroneous maps to secret passages in my fortress and hire travellers to entrust them to aged hermits.

I will not use hostages as bait in a trap. Unless you're going to use them for negotiation or as human shields, there's no point in taking them.

I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to challenge me.

I will explain to my Legions of Terror that guns are ranged weapons and swords are not. Anyone who attempts to throw a sword at the hero or club him with a gun will be summarily executed.

I will remember that any vulnerabilities I have are to be revealed strictly on a need-to-know basis. I will also remember that no one needs to know.

I will not make alliances with those more powerful than myself. Such a person would only double-cross me in my moment of glory. I will make alliances with those less powerful than myself. I will then double-cross them in their moment of glory.

During times of peace, my Legions of Terror will not be permitted to lie around drinking mead and eating roast boar. Instead they will be required to obey my dietician and my aerobics instructor.

All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries.

All crones with the ability to prophesy will be given free facelifts, permanents, manicures, and Donna Karan wardrobes. That should pretty well destroy their credibility.

I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache.

I will hire an entire squad of blind guards. Not only is this in keeping with my status as an equal opportunity employer, but it will come in handy when the hero becomes invisible or douses my only light source.

All repair work will be done by an in-house maintenance staff. Any alleged "repairmen" who show up at the fortress will be escorted to the dungeon.

When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.

Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Given this, anyone caught making out in a closet while leaving their station unmonitored will be shot.

Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.

I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.

All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to roam about my fortress are actually plotting.

If my chief engineer displeases me, he will be shot, not imprisoned in the dungeon or beyond the traps he helped design.

I will not send out batalions composed wholly of robots or skeletons against heroes who have qualms about killing living beings.

I will not wear long, heavy cloaks. While they certainly make a bold fashion statement, they have an annoying tendency to get caught in doors or tripped over during an escape.

If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is the hero's girlfriend.)

If I ever MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on the market keep perfectly good time while you're looking at them, but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back, you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.

If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to assassinate the hero.

If I'm wearing the key to the hero's shackles around my neck and his former girlfriend now volunteers to become my mistress and we are all alone in my bedchamber on my bed and she offers me a goblet of wine, I will politely decline the offer.

I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout "It's power is now mine!!" Instead I will grab some tongs, transfer it to a hazardous materials container, and transport it back to my lab for study.

I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who attempt to strike down the hero the first instant his back is turned will not even be considered for the job.

Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."

My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they generate.

I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. However if I do so, I will not at some subsequent point shout "Why am I surrounded by these incompetent fools?!"

I will install a fire extinguisher in every room -- three, if the room contains vital equipment or volatile chemicals.

I will build machines which simply fail when overloaded, rather than wipe out all nearby henchmen in an explosion or worse yet set off a chain reaction. I will do this by using devices known as "surge protectors".

I will explain to my guards that most people have their eyes in the front of their heads and thus while searching for someone it makes little sense to draw a weapon and slowly back down the hallway.

and The Dungeon: Cellblock BWhat can we say? Despite the horrendously barbaric conditions of The Dungeon (only two premium cable channels and the complete lack of a jacuzzi), eager applicants keep sending in their suggestions. To deal with our own overcrowding, we proudly announce the opening of a new cell block. All giant serpents acting as guardians in underground lakes will be fitted with sports goggles to prevent eye injuries.

All crones with the ability to prophesy will be given free facelifts, permanents, manicures, and Donna Karan wardrobes. That should pretty well destroy their credibility.

I will not employ an evil wizard if he has a sleazy mustache.

I will hire an entire squad of blind guards. Not only is this in keeping with my status as an equal opportunity employer, but it will come in handy when the hero becomes invisible or douses my only light source.

All repair work will be done by an in-house maintenance staff. Any alleged "repairmen" who show up at the fortress will be escorted to the dungeon.

When my Legions of Terror park their vehicle to do reconnaissance on foot, they will be instructed to employ The Club.

Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Given this, anyone caught making out in a closet while leaving their station unmonitored will be shot.

Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.

I will not, under any circumstances, marry a woman I know to be a faithless, conniving, back-stabbing witch simply because I am absolutely desperate to perpetuate my family line. Of course, we can still date.

All guest-quarters will be bugged and monitored so that I can keep track of what the visitors I have for some reason allowed to roam about my fortress are actually plotting.

If my chief engineer displeases me, he will be shot, not imprisoned in the dungeon or beyond the traps he helped design.

I will not send out battalions composed wholly of robots or skeletons against heroes who have qualms about killing living beings.

I will not wear long, heavy cloaks. While they certainly make a bold fashion statement, they have an annoying tendency to get caught in doors or tripped over during an escape.

If a malignant being demands a sacrificial victim have a particular quality, I will check to make sure said victim has this quality immediately before the sacrifice and not rely on earlier results. (Especially if the quality is virginity and the victim is the hero's girlfriend.)

If I ever MUST put a digital timer on my doomsday device, I will buy one free from quantum mechanical anomalies. So many brands on the market keep perfectly good time while you're looking at them, but whenever you turn away for a couple minutes then turn back, you find that the countdown has progressed by only a few seconds.

If my Legions of Terror are defeated in a battle, I will quietly withdraw and regroup instead of launching a haphazard mission to assassinate the hero.

If I'm wearing the key to the hero's shackles around my neck and his former girlfriend now volunteers to become my mistress and we are all alone in my bedchamber on my bed and she offers me a goblet of wine, I will politely decline the offer.

I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout "Its power is now mine!!" Instead I will grab some tongs, transfer it to a hazardous materials container, and transport it back to my lab for study.

I will be selective in the hiring of assassins. Anyone who attempts to strike down the hero the first instant his back is turned will not even be considered for the job.

Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."

My force-field generators will be located inside the shield they generate.

I reserve the right to execute any henchmen who appear to be a little too intelligent, powerful, or devious. However if I do so, I will not at some subsequent point shout "Why am I surrounded by these incompetent fools?!"

I will install a fire extinguisher in every room -- three, if the room contains vital equipment or volatile chemicals.

I will build machines which simply fail when overloaded, rather than wipe out all nearby henchmen in an explosion or worse yet set off a chain reaction. I will do this by using devices known as "surge protectors".

I will explain to my guards that most people have their eyes in the front of their heads and thus while searching for someone it makes little sense to draw a weapon and slowly back down the hallway.

I will have a staff of competent detectives handy. If I learn that someone in a certain village is plotting against me, I will have them find out who rather than wipe out the entire village in a preemptive strike.

I will never bait a trap with genuine bait.

If the hero claims he wishes to confess in public or to me personally, I will remind him that a notarized deposition will serve just as well.

If I have several diabolical schemes to destroy the hero, I will set all of them in motion at once rather than wait for them to fail and launch them successively.

I will not procrastinate regarding any ritual granting immortality.

Mythical guardians will be instructed to ask visitors name, purpose of visit, and whether they have an appointment instead of ancient riddles.


Here's some more...

When all else fails, lower your standards.

Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.

You've gotta' die in creative ways.

They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a truck.

If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.

To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy

When in doubt, use brute force.

Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.

If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.

If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.

You can't fall off the floor.

Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.

If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.

Push something hard enough and it will fall.

You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely. (I Live by this one XD)

There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes

I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.

I'm prepared for all emergencies. But I'm totally unprepared for everyday life.

Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you wouldn't have been notified.

Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.

Schizophrenia beats being alone.

Why is it that when adults have multiple personalities it's schizophrenia, but when a child has imaginary friends it's cute?

Question: If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it a hosage situation?

Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum

Sleep: A completely inadequate substitute for caffeine/sugar

The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity (it's true i tell you!)

Nobody ever dares make cup a soup in a bowl

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view

(read carefully)
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

The first VCR, or video cassette recorder, was made in 1956 and was the size of a piano.

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Heck, why is Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia (fear of long words) such a long word?

Next time someone says to you, "Get a life!", reply "I don't need to 'Get a LIFE', I'm a gamer, I've got PLENTY of lives!"

Your toast is burned, and no amount of scraping will get the black part off!

I need sleep...

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, and sit back and smirk as everyone wonders just how the heck you managed it

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isnt for you

If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door

The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on

I'm smiling. That really should scare you.

Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience

Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject

I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me

Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas

If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating.

That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

When in doubt, push random buttons!

Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter

If you can't beat the computer at chess, try kickboxing.

When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's psychotic.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.

Last night I was looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the heck's my ceiling?"

There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.

They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...

Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking

He who laughs last thinks slowest

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work

I'm not cynical, I just see things the way they are

I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid

It's not denial. Im just selective about the reality I accept.

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

Ask me no questions and Ill tell you no lies

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.

There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.

The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that youre good

I'm not as dumb as you look

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

Sarcasm is one more free service we offer.

I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.

Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to

Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing

Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.

Anything thrown hard enough should hurt.

Flying is simple, you just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

Some say the glass is half full, some say it's half empty, I say, "Are you gonna drink that?"

When I was born, I was so shocked that I didn't talk for a year and a half.

Where there's a will...I want to be in it.

Do not disturb, I'm disturbed already.

The trouble with life, is there's no background music.

I couldn't repair you brakes, so I made your horn louder.

A clean house is a sign of a broken computer!

Do not walk behind me for I may not lead, do not walk in front of me for I will not follow. If you want to walk besides me, go far it, but don't expect a big reaction...

For people who like peace and quiet: Get a PHONELESS CORD!

I don't get even, I get odder.

I have a photographic memory, but it takes a day to develop.

I've learned from my mistakes, and I'm sure I could repeat them exactly, if it's worth it.

Light travels faster than sound. That is why...some people seem bright until you hear them speak.

You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

An optimist is someone who falls off the empire state building and after 50 floors says "So far so good!"

If Fed ex and UPS merge, they would be called Fed UP.

Chaos, panic, pandemonium, my work here is done.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

Love me, Hate me, make a voodoo doll of me and stick it full of pins, I will continue to be indifferent to you.

To be alone is to be different; to be different is to be alone.

The beatings will cease once moral improves.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you'll be a mile away from them, and you'll have their shoes.'

Duck tape is like the force, it has a light side, a dark side and it holds the world together.

Whoever said "nothing was impossible" never tried slamming into a revolving door...

One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor...

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

Stupidity killed the cat, curiosity just got blamed.

You know what! Earth sucks. I'm going home!

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

I’m the type of person who will burst out laughing about something that happened… Yesterday.

I’ve been told that you’re supposed to learn from your past mistakes – well, I think my mistakes learn from me, because I go ahead and make the same old mistakes in brand new and exciting ways every damn time…

Some more...

100 Rules of Anime

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural
phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original
intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that
explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope
that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good
chuckle.

#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.

#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is
thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.
Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit
the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud
sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust
equals constant velocity.

#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a
mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects
known to human science.

#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero
whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and
lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of
two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out
affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human
existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. NOTE: Sometimes, Anime
heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg
and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...
regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they
don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is
attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are
depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color
(usually red or white).

#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a
"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3
different angles.

#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.
First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.
Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to
human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,
sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.

#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly
referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because
of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the
Law of Inherent Combustibility.

#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any
object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.
First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also
known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one EVER runs out of ammunition. That is of
course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form
of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the
"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot
decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a
drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and
several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle
of an open field will always miss.
First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will
hit anyone or do any real damage.
Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,
the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a
single burst of automatic fire and then escape.
Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is
in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm,
which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving,
firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex
martial arts maneuvers.
Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he
will hit.

#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a bimbo. (Note: The
Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs
to get out more.)

#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,
sometimes more, under high pressure.

#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at
least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not
unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. Also, acid has been known to work
just as well...

#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and
large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped
and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a
song.
First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes
up against an entire army, the army always loses.

#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...

#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little
things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost
twice as annoying.

#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,
either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".
First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb
Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line
Effect)
Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American
translators are the American editors and censors.
Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome
"Good Guys".

#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly
proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:
1) be female.
2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.
3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of
destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and
used as a last resort.

#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate
a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of
martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing
aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is
attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are
hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is
considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or
explanation.

#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and
can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical
abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s
hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable
guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of
whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive
amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off
somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,
then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the
Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably
wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.
First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to
extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.
Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer
invulnerable to any form of damage.
Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is
indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,
or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice
attack... Unless it's a hentai. It is believed that the clothes are made out of
Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,
playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"
things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so
on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good
Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic
positions, which are:
1) The Hero/Leader
2) His Girlfriend
3) His Best Friend/Rival
4) A Hulking Brute
5) A Dwarf/Kid
Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:
1) Extreme Coolness
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible Irritation

#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an
extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from
which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious
dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".
First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a
heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is
because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released
at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in
the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are
actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is
because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the
back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat
gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely
proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the
less you get and vice-versa.
First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real
world...

#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get
erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current
theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see
Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush
along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal
swords, if not sharper.

#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it
done in half the time and twice the angst.

#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.

#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a
martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the
transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to
interrupt it.

#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy
mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some
unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or
spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind
the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or
burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,
your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").
First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,
wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)
to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and
letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in
part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will
get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform
magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as
the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will
help him to cope in today’s society. (>Sniff Sniff

#50- Law of Artistic Perversion- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are
under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY
small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).
Unfortunately, most Hentai fans are under the same impression.

#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws
44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and
the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of
the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"
witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack
are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave
Phenomenon")

52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters
(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or
perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons
for this are:
1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.
2) They just don’t give a damn.
The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:
1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.
2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.
3) They just don’t give a damn.

#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.

#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,
wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.
First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too horny, stupid,
etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying
pan or something.

#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and
withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power
weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons
will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.
First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome
which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use
it against the "Good Guy".
Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military
device without one of the following events occurring:
a) The control device being broken.
The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".
c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just
"fooled" by the "Good Guy".
d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of
the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,
resulting in two outcomes:
a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me
look.
A negative charge will result in the
hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition
available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate
when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7
for speaker pods)

#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s
attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.
(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto OVA have a seemingly endless supply of willing
girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot
couldn’t get a date despite or because of their constant attempts.)

#61- Law of Sweat Pore Variability- When a person is embarrassed, caught in an
awkward situation, or otherwise humiliated, all sweat pores on the body contract,
except for ones on the forehead. These pores expand to such a degree that a single
drop could fill a Big Gulp from 7-11.

#62- The Law of Inverse Training Time- A person who has been training for 3 years
is never as good as someone who has been training for one month.

#63- Law of Needs to Few and Many- The needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the
few... of even the one.

#64- Law of Bad Humor- Whenever someone says something that is intended to be
funny, whether actually funny or not, the rest of the characters (even animals) fall
to the ground with their feet in the air. Sweat sometimes accompanies the fall.
(The sound of a cow mooing usually accompanies the joke as well.)

#65- Law of Extreme Anger- Whenever a female character gets mad, such as seeing the
male character with another girl, she becomes extremely strong (despite her usually
helpless look) so that she can lift a 1000 ton object to hurt the guy. She can
sometimes perform other punishments that are just as cruel such as pinching the
guy’s face so hard that it changes shape. (see law #49)

#66- Law of Differentiated Gravitation-
First Corollary- If the airborne entity exceeds an altitude equal or greater
than two times the height of the entity, gravity is decreased by an inverse
coefficient relative to the upward momentum and mass/weight (if within at least
500 km of any gravity source) of the entity "jumping".
Second Corollary- The amount of Newtonian "opposite force" (in accordance to
normal downward velocity; "Earth gravity" speed is equal to 32ft/sec/sec) is also
inversely proportional to the "actual" speed of the airborne entity. In all
actuality, an entity that appears to be flying towards a solid concrete parking lot
from space will actually land, producing an opposite force of approximately 1.73 lb.
of pressure. Unless this particular entity is a "Bad Guy". Then the law exhibits a
mysterious exponentially proportional Newtonian opposite force, thusly increasing
this variable by a factor equal to the inverse-gravity potential.

#67- Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any situation where the
Ambient Dramatic Tension increases, the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient must be
increased by a proportional amount to compensate. In any situation where this does
not happen, the "Bad Guy" inevitably comes out on top. However, this usually leads
to a further rise in the Ambient Dramatic tension, which will always be offset by
an exponential increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient.

#68- Law of Coercive Vehicular Control- No matter how complex or well defined the
control system, a character controlling a vehicle of any sort always does so through
means of undetectable subconscious psychokinesis.
First Corollary- Characters can perform actions with their vehicles which
clearly defy normal physics (see Laws of Metaphysical Irregularity and Constant
Thrust). The velocity, attitude and traction of the vehicle appear to be adjusted at
will, with the degree of absolute control being proportional to the complexity and
lethality of the maneuver.
Second Corollary- It is effectively impossible to remove characters from or
disrupt the passage of their vehicles without the character’s consent. This does not
always apply to "Bad Guy" characters, or "Good Guy" characters in situations where
the Ambient Dramatic Tension could increase in accordance with the Law of
Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#69- Amendment to the Law of Conservation of Ambient Dramatic Tension- In any
situation where the Ambient Dramatic Tension increases without a corresponding
increase in the "Good Guy’s" Style Coefficient, not only does the "Bad Guy" usually
come out on top, but also his Smugness Factor increases in proportion to the rise in
Ambient Dramatic Tension.

#70- Law of The Rushing Background Effect- Whenever something dramatic occurs, a
survival instinct engages, thus rendering all incoming stimulus that is not directly
and immediately to the dramatic situation at hand a meaningless blur. This is often
referred to as "The Rushing Background Effect". Due to the increase in brain
activity and adrenaline levels in the bloodstream, the scene is often played out in
slow motion.

#71- Law of Interdimensional Hammers- Whenever a female character witnesses a male
character of her preference performing any sort of questionable act (i.e. Looking at
another girl or anything she might construe as perverted) she can reach into an
interdimensional realm (usually behind her back) and withdraw a huge Anime Mallet of
Doom with which to whack the said male over the head with. (see Laws # 37, 49, and
65)

#72- Law of Instant Band-Aids- Whenever a character is injured (usually in a head
shot, maybe from a mallet whack) Band-Aids will always instantly appear on the
wounded individual (and always in pairs, set in a cross fashion). These bandages
will then, most likely, disappear by the character’s next scene.

#73- Law of Universal Edge Defense- Any projectile attack, from a blast of magic to
a hail of bullets, can be easily defended against by holding a suitably cool-looking
sword or other bladed weapon between the attacker and defender, usually so that the
edge cuts into the incoming attack(s), causing both halves to go flying harmlessly
past the defender. Observed most often in fantasy and martial arts anime.

#74- Law of Intractable Sanity- There is no such thing as insanity in anime. When
faced with horrifying supernatural forces that would drive most men mad, anime
characters will either:
a) Die quickly (but in accordance with all other laws e.g., slowdown and
exposition),
Get possessed by them, especially if they are beautiful girls or men in a
position to ravish beautiful girls, or
c) Kill them, wipe the blood off their blades, and walk on whistling.

#75- Law of Celestial Body Control- At a dramatically correct moment, a hero can
summon a sun/moon/halo to appear behind him/her to cause a dramatic silhouette.

#76- Law of Aura of Forgetfulness- Any hero who wishes his/her identity to remain a
secret will invariably succeed regardless of disguise because everyone around
him/her will forget everything. Otherwise, how does Sailor Moon keep her disguise?

#77- Law of Cool Hair Factor- The hair of a hero will always coalesce into thick
strands that drape his face into a dramatic fashion, regardless of wind, the
elements, etc. (see Laws 32 & 48)

#78- Law of Inverse Coping- Any single event will happen to the ONE character LEAST
capable of dealing with it.

#79- Law of Martial Arts Training Invulnerability- The Myth that certain martial
arts will enable you to become so strong, that you can stop a nuclear warhead with
your bare palm. Unfortunately, for most otaku, they found the hard way that it just
doesn’t work in real life...

#80- Law of Stereotype Captain characteristics- If a captain of any type of ship is
male, he will invariably wear a big captain’s cap, a long overcoat, and have a
shaggy beard and mustache (pipe optional), and be a great tactician. If the captain
is female, however, she will invariably be young, well endowed, and ditzy as a pole
(horny father optional). Yet, she too will be a great tactician.

#81- Law of Shades/Coolness Factor- Shades can make you instantly cool, even if
you’re normally a klutz.

#82- Law of Hentai Plot- The proper response to any change in the plotline of a
Hentai anime is to start having sex.

#83- Law of Understatement- Anything that is deemed too impossible will become
possible.
First Corollary- Any "Bad Guy" stating "T-that’s impossible!" whenever the
hero is accomplishing some new feat/move/projectile will find out too late that he
is wrong and will invariably be toastied.

#84- Law of Dormant Powers- Anytime a hero is somehow outpowered and/or outclassed
by the villain, he will invariably release powers/new moves he never knew he could
accomplish... but his old teacher did!

#85- Law of Style Coefficient- In a situation where a Good guy may be in dire
straits, he will become stronger, smarter and more cool in a matter of seconds. (see
Laws #67, 69, and 84)

#86- Law of Bad Guy Smugness Factor- Whenever the villain actually succeeds in
beating the hero, they will begin to gloat uncontrollably, because they’ve never won
against the "Good Guy" (because they’re Eeeviiil!!). They usually get so cocky, they
tie the hero to a conveyor belt leading to his doom and leave to get a snack.
Usually this results in:
a) The hero escaping.
Clean-up for the underlings.
c) The villain getting toastied.

#87- Law of Tableware Nonexistence- There IS no spoon.

#88- Law of Goofy Turn-Ons- In Hentai, ordinary , pedestrian objects sometimes have
the magical power of either inducing orgasm or arousal. Some include warm water,
rolling on a smooth tabletop, wind, mild electrocution, the character toweling
themselves after a bath/shower, and very cold objects... like bottles of 7-up.

#89- Law of Penile Variance- All Anime men in Hentai have a ridiculously large
penis (lengths of 8, 9, 10 and 11 inches are most common). Some even have ones the
size of telephone poles, despite the blood loss that would accompany it...

#90-Law of Hentai Female Characteristics- All Hentai women have the following
characteristics:
1) Very sensitive and/or very large breasts with large nipples.
2) Very tight and/or sensitive vaginas.

#91- Law of Vaginal Variance- Hentai Anime women can take penis lengths of 8" and
up... completely... despite the fact that they might have a tight and/or sensitive
vagina.

#92- Law of Hero Identification- All heroes are introduced by way of appearance
while someone talking about their (in)famous-ness, or by way of a voice-over of them
introducing themselves.

#93- Law of Cute Mascots- Any anime either Shojo or Shonen has GOT to have at
least one cute, furry little mascot by penalty of death!
First Corollary- If it is a Shonen Anime, the hero will be accompanied by a
Dog, Cat or any kind of animal, real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the
male persuasion. Any animal that would be associated with girls that is following
him around is there because:
1) It’s his girlfriend’s.
2) It is following him, despite his insistence not to do so.
3) Chicks will dig him more.
Second Corollary- If it is a Shojo Anime, the heroine will be accompanied by
a cat, cute lil’ mouse, or some disgustingly cute monster, or any kind of animal,
real or fake, that would be found with a hero of the female persuasion. Any animal
that would be associated with guys that is following her around is there because:
1) It’s her boyfriend’s.
2) It is following her, despite her insistence not to do so.
3) It makes her look cool.

#94- Law of The Force- Most Anime heroes are blessed with a unique sort of ability
that enables bad things to happen to those that deserve it or makes things like
bullets or debris totally miss them (Also referred to as "Dumb Luck"), even though
they are mostly unaware of it. Those who have this ability include Vash the
Stampede, Captain Justy Ueki Tylor, and Jar Jar Binks.

#95- Law of Naughty Tentacles- All Anime Tentacles are VERY horny and will rape any
human female, regardless of age ("She’s 18! No! Really, she is! I’m not lying!...")
First Corollary- Even when raped or molested by tentacles, Hentai Anime
girls eventually get into it & begin squealing in ecstasy. NO one knows WHY this is,
but some theorize there may be some kind of chemical that is secreted through the
skin of the tentacle...
Second Corollary- Women who are impregnated by a tentacle creature never
experience morning sickness, and also find it to be intensely pleasurable (Also
known as the Goofy Meter Redline Effect).
Third Corollary- Similarly, the resulting... offspring of tentacle/human
relations is immediately sexually active, often impregnating its own mother again.

#96- Law of Cat-Fighting- Two females with a grudge can and will go at each other,
sometimes ripping off clothes. Sometimes it escalates so much, that property damage
begins to occur.
First Corollary- A running fight can be so destructive, you can follow it
from a distance just by watching for the smoke. (Also known as the "A-ko/B-ko
Thing")

#97- Law of Healing- Most anime heroes have a Wolverine-like healing factor that
enables them to regenerate from a massive wound or broken bone within minutes. Being
immortal sometimes helps. (Also known as the "Priss Effect".)

#98- Law of Stereotype Crew Characteristics- All ships, either waterborne or
spaceborne, have the following crew members:
1) The captain
2) His Lieutenant
3) Various female technical staff
4) A hotshot pilot
5) A cute little girl/twins (either stowaways or not)
6) The Doctor
7) The Doctor’s assistant (either a spy or not)
Weighted among the crew are various quirks which include:
1) Extreme coolness/luck
2) Amazing Intelligence
3) Incredible irritation
4) Extreme cuteness
5) Irresponsible drunkenness
6) Homophobicness
7) Emotionless (Idiots.)

#99- Law of Sparklies- Whenever a character of the main character’s interest
appears, flowers, sparkles, or abstract circles of pastel colors appear around said
character, or both. Roses with exaggerated thorns appear when it is dangerous love.
No one knows why this is, though most have a theory: Anime characters are freaks! At
least, Marker Apenname seems to think so...

#100- Law of Anime Events- Much like wrestling, anything and everything can happen.

The previous was created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources inorder to help others understand the things that happen in anime. So to help others understand anime affter you have read this please copy and paste this to your profile thank-you.

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Black Flames Dance In The Wind: Rise of Naruto by DevilKeys Writing reviews
A storm is brewing. Casting a black shadow over the world, threatening to incinerate it and scatter its ashes to the winds. Humanity's only hope lies with a young boy. A boy sacrificed for their protection, yet condemned to a life of hatred and abuse. Will the pariah become the savior? Or will mankind be cast into oblivion by a monster of their own creation?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 48 - Words: 731,691 - Reviews: 3967 - Favs: 5,202 - Follows: 4,140 - Updated: 1/31 - Published: 7/18/2007 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Konoha no Senkou Arashi by Minion of Set reviews
She's finally become a shinobi, after years of acting the fool. Well, mostly acting anyway... FemNaruto. NaruSasu. Please Read and Review. I think you'll be surprised. Indefinite Hiatus.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 159,410 - Reviews: 1038 - Favs: 2,146 - Follows: 2,069 - Updated: 1/15 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Naruko U., Sasuke U.
Journey of the Three Failures by Kurouga of the Ink and Snow reviews
Uzumaki Naruto's defeat at the hands of Hyuuga Neji changed the course of history. Now an outcast Naruto, Hinata, and Lee must flee Konoha to become stronger, and ultimately save the very village which scorned them. Strong Naruto, Hinata, and Lee. Dark!Neji, Nice!Hanabi. Epic length. NaruHina. COMPLETE!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 32 - Words: 717,650 - Reviews: 1118 - Favs: 933 - Follows: 786 - Updated: 12/31/2014 - Published: 6/21/2008 - [Hinata H., Naruto U.] Lee R., Neji H. - Complete
Konoha's Mistake by blade4228 reviews
At the age of five Naruto is badly beaten and left for dead. Where Tsunade comes across him and raise him as her own. Will Naruto still dream of being Hokage or has that changed?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 32 - Words: 289,328 - Reviews: 2054 - Favs: 3,715 - Follows: 3,226 - Updated: 11/2/2014 - Published: 8/23/2007 - Naruto U., Tsunade S.
King Who Lived by cap red reviews
Wrong Boy Who Lived. A ritual has revealed that Harry is the King of the Magical World. Yet, the world is split into factions, mysterious forces are at work and Harry must learn what it truly means to be a King before it is too late. In a world of magic, not everything is what it seems to be.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 25 - Words: 125,313 - Reviews: 1534 - Favs: 2,527 - Follows: 3,515 - Updated: 7/6/2014 - Published: 7/18/2008 - Harry P., Luna L.
Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto by battousai222 reviews
The 4th Hokage never sealed the Kyuubi into Naruto. Instead he defeated it and gave his son Naruto a new chance at life. A strong, powerful Naruto. He made Jounin at 13 also. Pairing Naruto X FEMALE Haku! Haku is a girl!
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 163,451 - Reviews: 1756 - Favs: 2,684 - Follows: 2,198 - Updated: 6/28/2014 - Published: 2/21/2007 - Naruto U., Haku
Prince of the Dark Kingdom by Mizuni-sama reviews
Ten years ago, Voldemort created his kingdom. Now a confused young wizard stumbles into it, and carves out a destiny. AU. Nondark Harry. MentorVoldemort. VII Ch.8 In which someone is dead, wounded, or kidnapped in every scene.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 147 - Words: 1,253,480 - Reviews: 10498 - Favs: 5,836 - Follows: 5,258 - Updated: 6/17/2014 - Published: 9/3/2007 - Harry P., Voldemort
Wind Lord by DarthValgaav reviews
Naruto finds some scrolls that contain Fūton jutsus. When he goes to ask the old man about them, the answers he gets will change his life. Naruto modled after Jin YuYu. NarutoHinataAnko
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 36 - Words: 171,151 - Reviews: 2782 - Favs: 3,499 - Follows: 3,316 - Updated: 6/16/2014 - Published: 10/11/2007 - Naruto U., Anko M.
Naruto: Next Generation by Shang reviews
Takes place 15 years after the manga; the Final Exam continues as the young gennin give it their all... who'll manage to exceed others and become chunin? Slight AU due to the manga development in the meantime. Please R&R
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 157 - Words: 416,632 - Reviews: 3251 - Favs: 520 - Follows: 279 - Updated: 10/8/2013 - Published: 5/29/2005 - Naruto U.
Neketo Uzumaki by Lord of the Phoenix reviews
Fem-Naruto story! On hold for rewrite! Read Neketo Uzumaki: Hidden Element Kunochi!
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 7 - Words: 12,484 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 269 - Follows: 270 - Updated: 6/6/2013 - Published: 8/14/2008 - [Naruto U., Sakura H., Ino Y., Hinata H.]
Hush, Little Naruto: Your Mother's Prayer by krazy parta reviews
Hush little demon don't say a word. Nobody cares so dont you cry. You're nothing so why are you alive? Your death bed is more important than me.NarutoHarem! back by popular demand. OCs can be suggested, please PM your OCs
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 13,979 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 12/14/2012 - Published: 12/17/2007 - Naruto U.
Dancing with Demons by Daystar Clarion reviews
Growing up with a pack of Demons is easy, especially when the older he gets, the more a demon Naruto becomes. But when the pack is killed by shinobi, Naruto vows revenge by learning to use his ever growing Chakra. Meeting team Seven, his journey begins.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 154,657 - Reviews: 2202 - Favs: 2,807 - Follows: 2,591 - Updated: 9/23/2012 - Published: 11/3/2006 - Naruto U.
Uzumaki of the Whirlpool by RaiderXV reviews
Naruto is chased out of the village with Hinata and rescued by some ninja from the newly reformed Whirlpool village. How will his life change? NaruHina Others may follow, lots of OC's.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 26 - Words: 99,665 - Reviews: 913 - Favs: 1,326 - Follows: 1,195 - Updated: 6/5/2012 - Published: 5/26/2008 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Naruto Arashiodori by Lucifer-Allheart reviews
Orochimaru didn't stop the fight at the Chuunin exams, wanting to see the potential of the young shinobi present. But he had no idea just what kind of effects his decision would have.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Adventure - Chapters: 61 - Words: 294,318 - Reviews: 3348 - Favs: 3,614 - Follows: 3,397 - Updated: 3/11/2012 - Published: 7/1/2007 - Hinata H., Naruto U.
Hinata's Guardian by RasenganFin reviews
The day of the HyugaCloud conflict Naruto befriends Hinata. Later that night Hinata is kidnapped, when Naruto finds the kidnapper he saves Hinata, but in doing so he awakens a powerful force. NaruXHina SasuXSaku Other pairings inside. Officially I created the original Himawari Uzumaki so I'm adding her to the roster.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 90 - Words: 250,526 - Reviews: 1787 - Favs: 1,109 - Follows: 656 - Updated: 10/22/2011 - Published: 2/2/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H., Himawari U.
Foxfish by Gomjibar22 reviews
Orochimaru captured Naruto when he was little and put him through the same transformation as Isaribi, this is how his life would be different. Naruto X Isaribi -has been adopted by BladeMaster Zangetsumaru under the title of "Aquatic Kitsune"
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 16 - Words: 58,663 - Reviews: 455 - Favs: 598 - Follows: 586 - Updated: 6/27/2011 - Published: 6/17/2007 - Naruto U., Isaribi - Complete
Naruto: The Leaf in the Whirlpool by SuperKayJin reviews
The Legacy of two Villages and the hope for the future of the world rests on the shoulders of Namikaze Uzumaki Naruto.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 55,804 - Reviews: 385 - Favs: 486 - Follows: 490 - Updated: 6/3/2011 - Published: 10/29/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
The Unexpected by DSecret reviews
OC. One day, a three year old boy turned up in an alley way of Konoha with a laptop, something very foreign in the Naruto World. Who is this boy? How does he know so much about Naruto and the others?
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 23 - Words: 193,439 - Reviews: 598 - Favs: 553 - Follows: 468 - Updated: 2/7/2011 - Published: 2/23/2005 - Naruto U.
The Birth of the Araiki Clan by Lesingnon Bladewind reviews
The Raikage had a second target the night of the Hyuga Abduction, and Naruto was brought safely to Kumogakure. Upon arrival, he is gifted with a kekkai genkai in preparation for the birth of a new clan. Behold the power of To-Remu Yajuuki. NarutoxYugito
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 167,056 - Reviews: 728 - Favs: 1,685 - Follows: 1,431 - Updated: 1/29/2011 - Published: 7/14/2008 - Naruto U., Yugito N.
Easier to Run by CrayonDreamer reviews
It's Easier to Run, Replacing this pain with something wrong Konoha watched him die, didn't care, and yet he'd fake his own death to protect it. If there was no world, he couldn't prove it wrong. He was taken in by Akatsuki, also misunderstood. ON HAITUS
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 34 - Words: 58,020 - Reviews: 316 - Favs: 255 - Follows: 226 - Updated: 11/27/2010 - Published: 7/17/2008 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Masks and the Hidden Secrets that Lie Behind Them by narutoluvr4evr reviews
After the invasion, Sandaime has weakened, managing to release a lifelong genjutsu he had cast. Now Naruto's secret is revealed. Can Naruto, a female, forget the past, and face the truths that lie ahead? Especially if the past consists of...rape? SasuxNar
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 20,957 - Reviews: 229 - Favs: 318 - Follows: 431 - Updated: 11/12/2010 - Published: 5/17/2007 - Sasuke U., Naruto U.
The Ultimate Shinobi by soundless steps reviews
A highly detailed story on the rebirth of the Ultimate Shinobi and the deciding events and individuals that lead to this. Heavily Hinata-centric, insane OC, and use of aspects from other anime. SEQUEL ANNOUNCEMENT!
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 73 - Words: 253,716 - Reviews: 485 - Favs: 417 - Follows: 294 - Updated: 10/31/2010 - Published: 8/5/2008 - Hinata H., Naruto U. - Complete
Harry Potter and the Quantum Leap by Seel'vor reviews
Harry Potter won the Second Blood War and defeated his enemies... and was left with nothing. Decades later, he contributes to the creation of a revolutionary new piece of technology and destroys the future in order to rewrite his own past...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 42 - Words: 274,521 - Reviews: 4526 - Favs: 6,140 - Follows: 6,276 - Updated: 10/28/2010 - Published: 12/17/2007 - Harry P., Hermione G.
The Time Meddlers by witowsmp reviews
After things have gone terribly in the war, Harry and Hermione decide to travel back in time to stop the war from happening. Things go well at first, until...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 32 - Words: 118,030 - Reviews: 2745 - Favs: 3,114 - Follows: 2,226 - Updated: 10/14/2010 - Published: 2/8/2008 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Again by kimcat reviews
Naruto get's sent back in time to when he was 12, only problem is, he is a genin when technically he is an Anbu. He is married to Hinata so Naru x Hina.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 90,080 - Reviews: 2778 - Favs: 2,975 - Follows: 3,026 - Updated: 9/11/2010 - Published: 6/12/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Life of Uzumaki Naruto by VenomLord reviews
At the age of 5 Naruto has a tragic encounter with the Villagers of Konoha. During which he meets the Kyubi for the first time, and changes his life forever.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 346,148 - Reviews: 1603 - Favs: 2,863 - Follows: 2,261 - Updated: 9/10/2010 - Published: 4/13/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
The Will Born in Fire by EdStargazer reviews
A fleeing spy attacks the Academy after Naruto has failed his second attempt at passing the Genin Exam. Naruto is the hero of the moment but for every heroic act there is a price to be paid. Chaper 36 Homeward Bound?
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 36 - Words: 180,676 - Reviews: 1753 - Favs: 2,180 - Follows: 2,188 - Updated: 9/7/2010 - Published: 1/27/2008 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
The Phoenix Part I: Phoenix Rising by Zaion Indulias reviews
Part I in my Phoenix Trilogy. Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, son of Minato and Kushina, has been raised in a secluded compound by his mother and Rin, a student of his father. Now the young man is testing to become a ninja of Konoha and to discover his legacy. **DISCONTINUED**
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 160,557 - Reviews: 217 - Favs: 445 - Follows: 440 - Updated: 8/6/2010 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Naruto U. - Complete
Kage no Naruto by Artful Lounger reviews
What would have become of the idiot blonde if he had intelligence, ambition, and power over shadows and darkness, and all the madness that comes with them?
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 93 - Words: 489,652 - Reviews: 3912 - Favs: 2,231 - Follows: 1,523 - Updated: 6/17/2010 - Published: 6/27/2008 - Naruto U.
Rokudaime Pain for Team Shinu by ga-mei reviews
A surprising person succeeds Tsuande as Rokudaime...and after a rough few days, Naruto really wonders what he has in Konoha...finding not much, he puts together his own team, and they leave Konoha...for good. CHP 15 "I look at you and I see corruption."
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 40,297 - Reviews: 216 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 172 - Updated: 6/8/2010 - Published: 6/10/2008 - Naruto U.
A Second Chance, A Second Life by The Animaniac Dude reviews
While the ashes of Konoha's will of fire are still smouldering, Naruto, the Rokudaime Hokage, uses a forbidden jutsu to go and right the wrongs of the past. What will happen when gods exist and time itself bends its knee to Naruto? NaruSaku. Discontinued.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 69,943 - Reviews: 374 - Favs: 402 - Follows: 468 - Updated: 5/24/2010 - Published: 9/12/2007 - Naruto U., Sakura H.
The Ties of Shadow and Light by Blue Element reviews
Who would every think that the emotionless monster of Suna could love the bubble fox demon? Well, you'd be surprised, since the demon was kicked out of Konoha and lives in Suna now. What will happen to these friends? ON HOLD! SORRY!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 18,293 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 186 - Follows: 211 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 2/23/2008 - Naruto U., Gaara
Her Story by Yosamu reviews
At her birth she was cursed by her father. Whisked from the battlefield, she would be raised by three of the greatest ninja of the time. When she is put on a gennin team, it only slows her down, keeping her from reaching her true goal. FemNaru.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 81,005 - Reviews: 176 - Favs: 393 - Follows: 381 - Updated: 3/30/2010 - Published: 1/10/2008 - Naruto U.
I'mmmm Baaaaccckk! by MrWriterWriter reviews
Harry returns to his youth to repair his life and get revenge on those who used him. H/Harem. Weasley minus the twins and Dumbledore bashing. Confident, Independant, strong, attitude-laden Harry.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 33,386 - Reviews: 2111 - Favs: 3,666 - Follows: 4,262 - Updated: 3/14/2010 - Published: 6/8/2008
A Split to Complete Life by Darkfireblade reviews
Naruto learns about the Kyuubi at age 7. The demon helps him so much that Naruto becomes an ANBU at the age of 10. As he grows up he faces strong enemies and tries to win Sakura's heart. Now the prey has become the hunter. Full Sum In
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 82,801 - Reviews: 727 - Favs: 931 - Follows: 700 - Updated: 3/9/2010 - Published: 2/9/2006 - Naruto U., Sakura H. - Complete
This Time Around by Crimson Skies reviews
A six year old Sasuke wakes from a nightmare...but Itachi wouldn't really kill the clan, right? As for Naruto, well, maybe he won't be so alone...this time around.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 56,871 - Reviews: 4195 - Favs: 5,870 - Follows: 6,003 - Updated: 1/20/2010 - Published: 6/29/2005 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
Birthday Disaster by Bookfreak426 reviews
Today two things happen. One was it was Naruto's Birthday. He went thought the town, hoping to spend the day with his friends. What he didn't expect was to get banished for 5 years, because a certain Uchiha Sasuke wouldn't return to Konaha. ReadXReveiw!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 18 - Words: 22,033 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 1/20/2010 - Published: 2/24/2008 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
An Alternative Path by Zessei reviews
AU: Kakashi thinks his team might not be so ready for the Chunnin exams after all. Permanent Hiatus.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 124,997 - Reviews: 2177 - Favs: 3,085 - Follows: 3,113 - Updated: 1/7/2010 - Published: 9/17/2007 - Naruto U., Sakura H.
Fushigakure by Tekato reviews
Naruto's been given a mission concerning Orochimaru, or so he is told. However, what will happen the hidden town of Fushigakure? New friends, new rivals... old enemies.... Main pairings NarutoXHinata, OCXOC, others may occur.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 113,068 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 12/29/2009 - Published: 6/25/2008 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
I Live On by weixuan18 reviews
NarutoBleach Xover To think that death is just as screwed up as life. Right, why is he a Shinigami again? Oh, because Uchiha Sasuke became a hollow. Naruto embraces death with a new vigour as he finds precious people to protect once again. NaruHarem
Crossover - Naruto & Bleach - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 34 - Words: 234,334 - Reviews: 2606 - Favs: 2,562 - Follows: 2,202 - Updated: 12/21/2009 - Published: 10/3/2007 - Naruto U.
Naruto: Kung Fu Guardian by smithjohn2020 reviews
Swordsman and Kung Fu Master, Naruto harnesses natural energy in its RAW form, Qi. New destiny to embrace. Will he fall under the devising of his enemies and crumble in face of tragedy? Naru X Ten, Naru X Hina. Formerly So9L
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 113,629 - Reviews: 594 - Favs: 579 - Follows: 664 - Updated: 11/30/2009 - Published: 6/14/2008 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
The Benefits of Omnipotence by Saiyan Angie reviews
Uzumaki Naruto must admit he never thought he'd be in that spot again. Then again, distortions of time and space weren't really something the academy prepared you for. Inspired by Lionheart.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Supernatural - Chapters: 55 - Words: 102,160 - Reviews: 2499 - Favs: 2,352 - Follows: 2,749 - Updated: 10/16/2009 - Published: 12/24/2007 - Naruto U.
Alone Or So I Thought I Was by katastrophe21 reviews
Kurai, banished from her home, starts a new life in Konoha as a ninja. She has made enemies with every girl and attracts the attention off all the boys, except for one. That's what SHE thinks. OCxSasuke
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,476 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 10/12/2009 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Sasuke U.
Deceiving Appearance by Gomjibar22 reviews
Naruto is successful at bringing Sasuke from the Valley of the End but during the return trip to Konoha Gaara learns Naruto’s deepest secret. Gaara X FemNaruto
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 47,744 - Reviews: 552 - Favs: 958 - Follows: 676 - Updated: 10/11/2009 - Published: 5/19/2007 - Naruto U., Gaara - Complete
Too Late for Sorry by Tress Blues reviews
During NM. Victoria bit Bella on the beach and 90 years later, Bella and her new coven are back in Forks. But what happens when our favourite vampire family comes back too? Sparks will fly and tension grows to new heights as danger looms...ON HIATUS
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 24 - Words: 39,640 - Reviews: 747 - Favs: 426 - Follows: 477 - Updated: 9/7/2009 - Published: 8/10/2008 - Bella, Edward
Sandstorm by DJ-Rage reviews
Naruto is banished from Konoha after nearly killing Sasuke in an attempt to bring him home. He makes his way to Suna and four years later Konoha needs his help. NaruHina.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 43,108 - Reviews: 303 - Favs: 880 - Follows: 509 - Updated: 8/21/2009 - Published: 12/17/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete
The Kyuubi Child by Anima270 reviews
femnaru/ Naruto Uzumaki is hated by the villagers and one night they went a little too far. Anko finds them, kills them, and raises the girl until they come back years later. From there, life gets pretty hectic for the blonde. SasuNaru, Some KakaIru
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 19,490 - Reviews: 148 - Favs: 286 - Follows: 235 - Updated: 8/16/2009 - Published: 8/18/2008 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
Naruto: The Black Sun by FadingFeathers reviews
Naruto was banished by his village and leaves with his new best friend Rock Lee. Together they start their own mercenary until and fight Konoha's war against Oto and Kumo.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,891 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 61 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 7/10/2009 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Naruto U., Sasame F.
Away from Konoha by Nagato3986 reviews
Naruto, cursed and abused in the Fire Country's greatest city, Konoha, finally decides to leave for a better life. Many things await him as he leaves the city gates. He is leaving everything close to him behind, but he is leaving his pain and misery also.
Naruto - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 12 - Words: 17,342 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 6/25/2009 - Published: 7/8/2008 - Naruto U.
Shinobi of The Rock by alterego94 reviews
After the Kyuubi attack, Sarutobi decides to send Naruto away. But the caravan gets ambushed by Rock shinobi, and Naruto's missing. Now twelve years later an insanely strong genin from Iwa enters the chuunin exam. And whats with his claybearing sensei?
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 27,430 - Reviews: 571 - Favs: 950 - Follows: 1,168 - Updated: 6/5/2009 - Published: 8/26/2007 - Naruto U., Deidara
Bloodline Destroyer by oso1991 reviews
Naruto is taken out of the village by Itachi on the Hokage's order. When Naruto returns though, he has a power that will make the Sharingan shatter, Byakugan blind, and the Rinnegan helpless. Super powered Naruto. Sakura and Sasuke bashing. Naruharem DISC
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 35 - Words: 168,479 - Reviews: 1530 - Favs: 2,660 - Follows: 1,930 - Updated: 5/14/2009 - Published: 4/22/2008 - Naruto U., Haku
A Few Angry Words by lord of the land of fire reviews
A few angry words from Neji lead to a great many changes: “Hiashi-sama,” Naruto bowed once more. “I ask you to make a bargain with me.” To be with the girl he loves he makes a bet. The stakes? Only his future and his dream. Nar X Hin
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 61 - Words: 172,186 - Reviews: 5886 - Favs: 3,557 - Follows: 1,821 - Updated: 5/7/2009 - Published: 5/12/2008 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete
Knowledge is Power by robst reviews
When Hermione gets cursed at the Ministry, Harry and the Death Eaters discover the power he knows not. Unleashing this power has far reaching consequences. Weasley and Dumbledore bashing – time travel story that's hopefully different.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 178,331 - Reviews: 3067 - Favs: 5,847 - Follows: 2,351 - Updated: 4/29/2009 - Published: 10/23/2008 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] - Complete
Konoha's Scarlet Claw by NoNameNeeded reviews
What would Naruto be like if he had been born 4 years earlier, Kyuubi still being sealed inside of him. What would he be like if he had grown up with Itachi, reaching shinobi ranks along side him. He is now 16, a jounin who just took on team 7. AU & OCnes
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 43,370 - Reviews: 472 - Favs: 1,028 - Follows: 1,160 - Updated: 4/28/2009 - Published: 8/28/2007 - Naruto U., Anko M.
Team Fox by Bill Alain reviews
What would happen if Kyuubi wasn't a demon, and Naruto was a genius? What if Naruto knew more about the world then most of the Kages? This story will tell you. Good Kyu, Smart Naruto, NaruXHina, takes place after Chuunin Prelims.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 66,036 - Reviews: 446 - Favs: 939 - Follows: 486 - Updated: 4/19/2009 - Published: 7/22/2008 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete
Red Rubies, Tainted Sapphire by Cute-X-Angel-X-Naru reviews
The youngest Kage and container of the legendary Kyuubi no Kitsune was killed by his best friend’s hands. Kyuubi wont let his container and lover die, saving both their lives by traveling to the past. NaruXFemKyuu. Possible Harem. Time Travel. Strong Naru
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 9 - Words: 26,331 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 355 - Follows: 375 - Updated: 4/7/2009 - Published: 7/6/2008 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Naruto of the Steel by shado121 reviews
Naruto was all alone in the world. He was on the verge of being murdered, but someone stepped in to save his life. This inspired him to be the best he can be with the gifts given to him. How will this affect Naruto's future. Naruharem
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 10 - Words: 27,985 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 215 - Follows: 294 - Updated: 4/1/2009 - Published: 10/16/2007 - Naruto U.
Ginny Returns by kb0 reviews
What if the war was over, but the only ones left were Ginny and a paralyzed friend? When Ginny finds a ritual that will send her back to an earlier point in the timeline, how will she change things to come out for the better? HP/GW
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 17 - Words: 157,144 - Reviews: 812 - Favs: 1,149 - Follows: 518 - Updated: 3/27/2009 - Published: 12/24/2008 - Ginny W., Harry P. - Complete
Four Years Later by ChevalierAirumel reviews
Sequel of Bleached. Four years have passed since Aizen's last attack. A sercret room belonging to the former captain has been discovered and a new character is about to encounter something left behind from the battle. Things are about to go sour...
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 15,794 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 2/16/2009 - Published: 9/7/2008
The Golden Fox: The Light in the Darkness by Nyce456 reviews
They came with the intent of destroying everything. The ones who stand in his way are the ones he seek. His goal, his dream, his power… the world will soon bear witness to his darkness, unless the 'Bear of the Light' can bring forth the dawn.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 35,398 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 481 - Follows: 494 - Updated: 2/9/2009 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
Bijuu may cry by Omega the darkness reviews
Summary: At the age of 7 Naruto leaves Konoha togheter with a kind stranger after a mob tries to kill him. On the same night the Uchiha clan was murdered and Sasuke was taken by another not so kind stranger. Now years later they return. NaruHina, SasuSaku
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 29 - Words: 147,249 - Reviews: 513 - Favs: 460 - Follows: 371 - Updated: 2/5/2009 - Published: 6/19/2007 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Kitsu Kitsu no Mi by Kasek reviews
This is the legend of the bearer of two curses- one, handed to him by his village... the other, he received when he bit into an accursed fruit. This... is the legend of Uzumaki Naruto, Kitsune of Konoha. Slight NaruHina, Naruto OnePiece crossover
Crossover - Naruto & One Piece - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 30 - Words: 103,848 - Reviews: 404 - Favs: 403 - Follows: 401 - Updated: 1/27/2009 - Published: 4/8/2007 - Naruto U.
The Tale of Uzumaki Naruto by Jimmy Coin reviews
AU. Naruto makes a bet with Iruka that in one year's time, he can become a Hand Seal master. After successful completion of his test, Naruto must learn to cope with his emerging power, training alone, and training his own team. No romance.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 14 - Words: 31,508 - Reviews: 295 - Favs: 596 - Follows: 586 - Updated: 1/27/2009 - Published: 6/21/2007 - Naruto U. - Complete
Warped Minds by Spazthemax reviews
The Sequel to "Stranded in Light". Taking place 6 years after the Quadro left Hyrule, Darin leaves Ordon to look for his parents. He meets a mysterious character which he names Nyuu, due to her only saying that. She seems innocent, but her past is dark...
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 36,963 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 9/20/2008
Houses of the Holy by HowdyU reviews
Spirited away from Konoha at an early age, Naruto finds a new family amid the strife of a battlefield as old as the shinobi nations. But what will he do when his new allies’ ambition is to change the world through a baptism by fire? An Akatsuki!Naruto fic
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 12 - Words: 127,994 - Reviews: 1041 - Favs: 2,041 - Follows: 1,836 - Updated: 1/15/2009 - Published: 8/5/2008 - Naruto U., Yugito N.
Jinchuriki of the Leaf by ninjafan101 reviews
What if Naruto wasn't the only one with a burden to carry? Watch as he helps his fellow containers and as they strive to prove that they are the people they are and not the demons they carry. NaruHina SasuSaku ShikaIno NejiTen my regular couples
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 51,411 - Reviews: 247 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 129 - Updated: 1/15/2009 - Published: 1/5/2008 - Naruto U.
Zoumitsu Senpuu by RaInAwAiTs reviews
Naruto has been raised as a weapon. Anbu captain since seven, he grew up as one of the elite ninja. With an adult mind and a childish personality, he meets his genin team...Rewritimg chapters 1-7
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 19,341 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 172 - Follows: 220 - Updated: 1/15/2009 - Published: 6/21/2008 - Naruto U.
One Hundred and forty nearly Twelve by broomstick flyer reviews
My answer to Merlins challenge when he was writing Time Again, so this is my Harry back in time story, it is H/Hr all the way as during an accident 142 year old Harry goes back in time to become Eleven once again.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 73,767 - Reviews: 1089 - Favs: 2,075 - Follows: 829 - Updated: 1/11/2009 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Burning magic: Fire of the heart by Neonsneakers reviews
Following his godfathers escape Harry is at an all time low. Miserable, his uncle's violence escalates and Harry's desperate plea for help is answered in a most unusual way.Wizarding world beware...the dragons are stirring!. HP/HG M for language/violence
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 86,536 - Reviews: 448 - Favs: 799 - Follows: 1,049 - Updated: 1/5/2009 - Published: 2/8/2008 - Harry P., Hermione G.
A New Hope by kittystarry reviews
Kyuubi sends Naruto back in time to stop a tragic ending. Naruto is really Hikari, daughter of the yondaime. What other secrets lie under her mask? Will she stop destiny from taking the wrong turn twice? femnaru narusasu
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 30 - Words: 99,487 - Reviews: 795 - Favs: 1,057 - Follows: 567 - Updated: 12/31/2008 - Published: 5/13/2007 - Naruto U., Sasuke U. - Complete
Naruto: The Third Eye by asterlk reviews
A five year old Naruto is blinded by villagers and Kyuubi, unable to heal him, gives him the mind’s third eye.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 26,962 - Reviews: 137 - Favs: 279 - Follows: 335 - Updated: 12/14/2008 - Published: 11/25/2007 - Naruto U.
Akuma Mercenaries by moonlit fang reviews
He fought and believed more than anyone, and in the end he was betrayed by the two people he trusted the most. Naruto's back with some new friends.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 10 - Words: 25,824 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 12/6/2008 - Published: 4/23/2008 - Naruto U.
Life after death by DeExil reviews
Naruto dies by Kakashi's hands. As he stands and watches his body a shinigami comes and offers him guidance, Naruto starts a new life as a shinigami. Naruto x Bleach crossover Harem ADOPTED BY Minor Disaster
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 95,498 - Reviews: 1495 - Favs: 1,482 - Follows: 1,530 - Updated: 11/2/2008 - Published: 10/3/2007 - Naruto U., Haku
The Unbroken Chain by Taurus Versant reviews
The path to becoming a Shinigami is a long path, and few see it to the end. When fate strikes two brothers on parallel paths, what will occur, when their unbroken chain pulls taut, and the two come together once more...
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 31 - Words: 58,912 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/19/2008 - Published: 5/30/2008 - Complete
Golden Chakra by Fan of Naruto and Hinata reviews
In the process of saving Hinata from being kidnapped, Naruto gains a power that few would ever believe could be found in the ‘Demon Brat’, and with a plan created by Hinata’s mother, Naruto will begin to find out what true happiness is. NaruHina.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 24 - Words: 48,733 - Reviews: 284 - Favs: 404 - Follows: 455 - Updated: 10/9/2008 - Published: 8/24/2008 - Naruto U., Hinata H.
Azure Crimson by slexenskee reviews
After a particularly harsh beating, the Hokage finally decides to give Naruto to a seemingly nice farmer. What he didn't know however, was that this happened to be the Leader of a terrible organization in disguise...Akatsuki.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 43,087 - Reviews: 603 - Favs: 718 - Follows: 883 - Updated: 9/30/2008 - Published: 4/27/2007 - Naruto U.
Bleached by ChevalierAirumel reviews
Rated T for violence and some scary stuff that comes later. Airi and Zezuri get kidnapped from their high school and taken to Hueco Mundo by Aizen's forces. The start of a LONG series. Sorry if the first chapter sounds really lame, it gets better.
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 40 - Words: 64,711 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 9/7/2008 - Published: 5/17/2008 - Complete
Tails of Konoha's Vixen by shadowzerover5 reviews
After the battle of the Valley, Natsumi must cope in going back to her original appearance along with the pain that comes with it but someone whom she least suspect will help her stand up once again. FemNaru is Natsumi. FemNaruSasu. On Indefinite Hiatus
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 63,858 - Reviews: 257 - Favs: 468 - Follows: 465 - Updated: 9/4/2008 - Published: 11/24/2007 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
Stranded in Light by Spazthemax reviews
Spencer, a normal 18 year old guy, is teleported into The Zelda Universe, and over the span of 15 years He meets Link, Midna, and Midna's alternate reality Andima, and becomes involved in a plot to merge all worlds into one, with bad results. LinkxMidna
Legend of Zelda - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 38 - Words: 63,299 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/31/2008 - Published: 5/10/2008 - Complete
Bloody Fox by DarthValgaav reviews
Naruto is chased out of the village at the age of six. He runs into three other people on a bridge and they become a team. Starts off at the begining to the Wave Arc.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 29 - Words: 101,445 - Reviews: 1563 - Favs: 1,507 - Follows: 1,399 - Updated: 8/28/2008 - Published: 1/2/2007 - Naruto U., Haku
The Uzumaki Identity by Kirdei Antares reviews
A young man wakes up in a coastal village in the Land of Lightning. With no memory, impressive skills, and a mysterious seal on his stomach; Rosuto Nagori searches for who he was all while fending off Konoha Anbu and the organization known as Akatsuki.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 61,223 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 88 - Follows: 79 - Updated: 8/24/2008 - Published: 10/4/2007 - Naruto U., Sakura H. - Complete
Naruto the Blind master under reconstruction! by Raistlinrains reviews
Ino,Hinata,and Shino just graduated the academy only to learn shockingly that there new sensei is none other than the most mysterious ninja of Konoha. Can they figure out there mysterious sensei's his past and survive his insane training? Lets see.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 44,682 - Reviews: 129 - Favs: 332 - Follows: 327 - Updated: 8/23/2008 - Published: 6/22/2008 - Naruto U., Tsunami
Great Shinobi by asasa reviews
Funny, dark, action packed, informative. The Kyuubi's book would have been great with the old Naruto as research material. Now armed with a personality split Naruto, returning home after 3 years of banishment, it will be spectacular. NaruIno.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 44,280 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 165 - Updated: 8/20/2008 - Published: 5/28/2007 - Naruto U., Ino Y.
Path to a Legendary Kunoichi by Shodai Fuzeikage-sama reviews
After being dealt a finishing blow by Sasuke at the Valley of End, Naruto is transformed into a girl and sent back into the past. Timetravel fic. FemNaru. AU.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,235 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 172 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
Invictus by James D. Wolfe reviews
The Namikaze creed was simple, Invictis, Unconquerable. Can Naruto uphold his father's legacy? NaruHaku. FemHaku. KitsuneNaruto.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 31,729 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 291 - Follows: 380 - Updated: 8/13/2008 - Published: 7/29/2008 - Naruto U., Haku
A new life in a new land by NeoKenshin reviews
When an orphan girl hero from another world lands in Konoha, her entire life changes as she finds the life she always wanted, the friends she always deserved...and the family she always needed. The first saga is complete..And so is the movie!
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 62 - Words: 543,038 - Reviews: 517 - Favs: 333 - Follows: 149 - Updated: 8/9/2008 - Published: 11/7/2006 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete
The Strength of Brothers by LD 1449 reviews
Three brothers, their strength,their failures,successes and dreams. This is their story.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 65 - Words: 208,767 - Reviews: 2255 - Favs: 1,321 - Follows: 895 - Updated: 7/31/2008 - Published: 5/7/2006 - Naruto U. - Complete
Brown Eyes meets Blue by DarthValgaav reviews
Rin couldn't take losing Obito. She just wanted to go away. So, the Fourth helps her with that.What will happen now that she's back and is still 12 years old. NarutoRin
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 155,878 - Reviews: 2733 - Favs: 1,857 - Follows: 1,152 - Updated: 7/10/2008 - Published: 2/24/2007 - Naruto U., Rin - Complete
Between You And Me by Gawd Complex reviews
Abandoned. Up for adoption.
Naruto - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 12,185 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 91 - Updated: 7/3/2008 - Published: 11/28/2007 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
His Afterlife by DSecret reviews
This is the story of the afterlife of a boy who had died in a most embarrassing way. After owing Ichigo a huge favour, he moved on and started a new life in Soul Society where his presence had slowly begun to change the events around him. Male OC
Bleach - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 24,031 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 6/25/2008 - Published: 4/3/2008
Back For You by Dramatics7324 reviews
Sasuke comes back years after leaving for Orochimaru, and can only hope that his love forgives him, but wait what does Tsunade mean saying there is no Naruto in Kohona? FEMNARU SasuNaru. Pen name Changed. My.Imperfect.Love edited.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,812 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 120 - Updated: 6/14/2008 - Published: 8/15/2007 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
Cold Blue Metal by zero0000 reviews
To save Uzumaki Naruto's life from the village council, the Sandaime declared him as Konoha's secret weapon and assigned the responsibility of his training to recently named ANBU captain Uchiha Itachi. Mildly AU. Probably going to be NaruKin
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 72,210 - Reviews: 1145 - Favs: 1,053 - Follows: 973 - Updated: 6/14/2008 - Published: 2/18/2006 - Naruto U., Itachi U.
Naruto: Altered History by Geor-sama reviews
Meet Uzumaki Naruto, the number one prankster ninja. He lives in Konoha...and has a dark secert so large that NOBODY knows, not even Naruto.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 32 - Words: 323,140 - Reviews: 2235 - Favs: 3,830 - Follows: 2,064 - Updated: 4/23/2008 - Published: 9/11/2006 - Naruto U., Ino Y. - Complete
The Golden Fox by Nyce456 reviews
After Naruto and company failed to return Sasuke, he was banished from the village. six years later, with the Akatuski and Sound defeated, The Cloud has declared war on the Leaf. Tsunade believes there is one person who can help, the Golden Fox himself.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 42 - Words: 447,425 - Reviews: 3959 - Favs: 4,522 - Follows: 2,354 - Updated: 3/19/2008 - Published: 3/19/2006 - Naruto U., Tsunade S. - Complete
Koushokugan no Naruto by Hatekai reviews
Kushina alive? Merciless Kakashi? Foxy Naruto? Secret Uzumaki doujutsu? Better than Sharingan? Friendly Kyuubi? Idiotic Sasuke? YEAH! ITS ALL IN HERE! -- FemKyuu , NaruKyuu , Powerful!Naruto -- Will Naruto emerge as a great shinobi or something else?
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,412 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 101 - Published: 2/8/2008 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Once Upon A Midnight Moon by The-Silent-Muse reviews
."Tenjō Tenge Yuiga Dokuson," Naruto's words were barely a whisper in the biting winds, his Akatsuki cloak flapping wildly about him. "I alone am supreme on Heaven and Earth."
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 20,903 - Reviews: 558 - Favs: 1,137 - Follows: 1,155 - Updated: 8/25/2007 - Published: 7/30/2007 - Naruto U.
Konoha's Demon Fox by GothicGohan-again reviews
After one final push over the edge, Naruto quits his team. Now, with a little help, Naruto is ready to prove himself. Is Kyuubi able to help him gain power,respect, and most of all, friends and family?
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 13 - Words: 43,492 - Reviews: 1055 - Favs: 1,253 - Follows: 1,255 - Updated: 7/29/2007 - Published: 2/24/2006 - Naruto U., Sakura H.
A Demon's Stand by DemonsRule9324 reviews
After being severly wounded, and bringing Sasuke back, Naruto is betrayed and banished from Konoha. Now, years later, he has his own village, and Konaha wants an alliance. Will Naruto accept? I know, nothing new, but it makes a good story. Hope you like.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,621 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 248 - Published: 7/2/2007 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama
Living Behind a Mask by Synica reviews
What if the mask Naruto wore to hide the pain of his childhood hid much more than that? NarutoxFemale Kyubi. WARNING! Angst is an understatment. Don't like OOC, then don't read. Minor Sakura bashing. Story Complete.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 98,524 - Reviews: 920 - Favs: 1,737 - Follows: 730 - Updated: 9/9/2006 - Published: 7/2/2006 - Naruto U., Kyuubi/Kurama - Complete
Alone in the World by Kyubi88 reviews
With no parents, Naruto has been always alone. At the tender age of four, Naruto decides that he does not have to stick around for beatings and harsh treatments of the villagers... but how does the Kyuubi no Youkai fit into the equation?
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 28,500 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 165 - Follows: 213 - Updated: 2/4/2006 - Published: 6/16/2004
Encyclopedia Ninja by drunkdragon reviews
What if the Kyuubi, when Naruto learned to tap into its chakra, gave him more than just that? What power lies in its gifts? NaruHina, KakaKure, maybe more. AU. Possible OOC. Originally called Kyuubi Personalities. lemons. complete.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 118,979 - Reviews: 1771 - Favs: 2,674 - Follows: 768 - Updated: 10/17/2005 - Published: 10/18/2004 - Naruto U., Hinata H. - Complete
A New Cause by MystikD109 reviews
Naruto gets fedup with Konoha and leaves. On his journey he runs into an unexpected group and decided to join them. After several years Naruto returns, but what are his intentions and how far will he go to accomplish them? [Completed]
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 21 - Words: 117,475 - Reviews: 1938 - Favs: 2,508 - Follows: 712 - Updated: 4/23/2005 - Published: 6/22/2004 - Naruto U. - Complete
The Second Coming of the Sage of Six Paths reviews
Naruto visits the temple where the comatose body of the Sage of Six Paths lays sealed, and causes some huge changes that rock the Ninja World, namely, waking him up. Naruto/FemHaku. Sage mentor. Bloodline, gifted by the Sage for waking him up, and others.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,894 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 239 - Follows: 314 - Updated: 4/17/2009 - Published: 2/10/2009 - Naruto U., Haku