twilight wolves
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Joined 08-11-08, id: 1664576, Profile Updated: 02-11-09
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

My name is Rachel Wolf. And I live in Wasilla Alaska. - I love twilight. And.. most books actually. and manga. such as.. Death Note, Vampire Knight, and.. many more that i can't remember.

but twilight is still better. i am a twilight fan, so get over it. -

and no, we do not ride polar bears, giant wolves, eagles, or giant magical piano's to school. ...just... thought you'd be wonderin' ...so.. yeah. review my story M'kay?

OOH! THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD I ALMOST VOMITED! (im a geek, this is pretty much mah life, looking at random things and laughing. i have no life)

Have any of you ever gotten that call about how your car warranty is going out, whether or not you actually have a car?

The following is a real conversation.

ring

Me: picks up phone

Phone: gives the message about her car warranty running out

Me: stare ... you know what. presses a number

Phone: Hello, are you interested in extending your car warranty?

Me: yes!

Phone: Alright, we need some information from you-

Me: Welcome to Taco Bell, Can I take your order?

Phone: what?

Me: I Like Tacos! starting singing the doom song

Phone: Um, alright, do you think we can have your information?

Me: I iz a girl!

Phone:... um, Can we know your-

Me: I think.

Phone: Excuse me?

Me: I think I'm a girl. I'm not sure. Do girls have beewwwbbss?

Phone:...

Me: I do. Does that make me a girl.

Phone: Is there anyone else in the household.

Me: Nope. Just me and Mike.

Phone: Can I speak to Mike?

Me: Mike is a shoe.

Phone: ...

Me: Mike likes mac n' cheese.

Phone: -click-

I got called ten minutes later by the same thing...

Phone: Hello, are you interested in extending your car warranty?
Me:Sorry, I'm not a guy.
Phone: um, what?
Me: oh... Well. good.
Phone: Well-
Me: Yes sir, for just the low price of 9.95 I can give you these pills that will, inhance, your love life.
Phone: ...Excuse me, What?
Me:... Well, you're selling something useless, aren't you? I mean, I don't even have a car. At least I'm selling something you need.
Phone: I don't need, pills.
Me: Hi! I'd like a large pizza with extra pepperoni, some olives, and extra cheese. Do you have the garlic sauce.
Phone: Can I speak to an adult.
Me: What's wrong with a teenager? Are you being discriminatory towards my age? How dare you!
Phone: What? No, I'm not, Im just trying to get your information so I can do my job.
Me: So am I! I have 12 cases of these weirdo pills that trick dumb men into thinking that it makes them more, appealing, and you insulting my age is not helping!
Phone: I don't care about your age!
Me: Ew, you Pedophile!
Phone: Wait, what?!
Me: hangs up

LOL!! This made me laugh a lot.

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Nothing and Perfect by Isis Blue reviews
No one saw Bella Swan...no one saw the hurt...no one saw the bruises...except for one. AU and all human. And I'm changing the rating to M for safety! I OWN NOTHING
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 34,934 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 110 - Updated: 12/20/2015 - Published: 11/24/2008 - Bella, Edward
A Secret Love,No more hiding by Biteme4eturn-t reviews
His Love for her has always been secret,He was always in the way. But with a betrayal does he have a chance with the beautiful Bella, or will someone ruin it all,Will their Love stand or crumble.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 37,984 - Reviews: 318 - Favs: 196 - Follows: 195 - Updated: 8/1/2013 - Published: 11/22/2008 - Bella, Carlisle - Complete
Hiding in Plain Sight by limona reviews
Bella is a witness in peril. Emmett Cullen is the deputy assigned to protect her. When the witness protection program isn't safe, Emmett asks Bella to pose as his brother Edward's fiancée until the trial. AU, AH, ExB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 141,120 - Reviews: 10650 - Favs: 11,826 - Follows: 12,464 - Updated: 6/14/2012 - Published: 9/14/2008 - Bella, Edward
Taboo by All Tears Must Fall reviews
There was one final part to the treaty. Edward must play the submissive to Jacob Black. Could Jacob's power over Edward destroy Bella's relationship with the vampire or will something unexpected occur? - Edward/Jacob minor Edward/Bella Jacob/Bella
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 23,366 - Reviews: 180 - Favs: 158 - Follows: 128 - Updated: 7/26/2011 - Published: 11/30/2008 - Edward, Jacob - Complete
Falling Out by JulesSC reviews
Edward and Bella succumb to passion before the wedding. Serious consequences occurs, and Edward and Bella comes to a falling out.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 8 - Words: 23,739 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 154 - Follows: 166 - Updated: 9/23/2010 - Published: 11/7/2008 - Edward, Bella
Totally Tagged by Wakesetter03 reviews
Edward left, Bella gets attacked and changed. Her friend gets her to make a profile on the website Tagged, and shen she does, Edward is on there, Alice made him. Join Edward as, once he finds out it's her, trys to win her back!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,665 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 7/23/2010 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Bella, Edward
New Horizons by Wakesetter03 reviews
Edward and Alice have an affair. Jasper and Bella confide in each other, and find love. Please Read and Review, First FanFic so please be easy with the flames! Rated T because I'm paranoid
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 17 - Words: 28,615 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 177 - Follows: 162 - Updated: 7/23/2010 - Published: 9/30/2008 - Jasper, Bella
A Cullen Moment by Wolf Babies reviews
This is a collection of completely random moments in time during the everlasting lives of the Cullen family.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 102 - Words: 84,587 - Reviews: 1803 - Favs: 289 - Follows: 132 - Updated: 10/31/2009 - Published: 6/14/2008 - Third Wife, Joshua U. - Complete
I'll Be Your Lover Too by aftereve reviews
Emmett brings his new girlfriend Bella and a few of her friends back to Seattle to meet his friends. Edward ends up falling for Bella, even though she's his best friend's girl. How will this end?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 48,139 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 80 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 10/22/2009 - Published: 3/5/2009 - Edward, Bella
A Sincere Deception by xMainstreamEmoBrdlineHardcorex reviews
A/H A/U. Badboy Edward and Hardcore Bella have a love/hate relationship. He loves her she 'hates' him. what happens when cupid wont give them a break? E/B Em/R J/A rated T for language. truth or dare, band gigs, and bad pick up lines! NOW COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 55 - Words: 110,653 - Reviews: 2112 - Favs: 724 - Follows: 409 - Updated: 10/7/2009 - Published: 11/26/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Keep Away with the Cullens by piratehannelore reviews
Edward's on edge. Emmett and Jasper can't handle it. So they decide to give Edward a taste of his own medicine...with a game of keep away...with Bella as the prize. What happens when the rest of the family joins in? Reviews please. T for mild language
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 31,272 - Reviews: 860 - Favs: 459 - Follows: 400 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 8/28/2008 - Complete
Twisted Twilight by Black-Midnight-Soul reviews
NOW BEATED.A different version of Twilight. Renee married John Reed, a local cop, instead of Phil. He's also an alcoholic with a bad temper, which he regularly takes out on Bella. After a burtal attack, Bella runs away to Forks to live with her father.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 21 - Words: 87,569 - Reviews: 549 - Favs: 290 - Follows: 365 - Updated: 5/29/2009 - Published: 12/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
Day of Reckoning by Waffle of Doom reviews
After 'the incident' involving Jasper, in the lunch room, naked; Jasper, with the help of Edward, has decided to get revenge against Emmett for the role he played in it. SEQUEL TO SHOWER STORIES.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 6,606 - Reviews: 278 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 134 - Updated: 5/29/2009 - Published: 8/12/2008 - Jasper, Emmett
A Tear For Every Heartbreak by xoxoxtwilightxoxox reviews
90 years ago, Edward left Bella, Victoria came back, and Bella vowed to never speak again. Now, she lives her life with a new coven. Her life is fine until old memories return. After holding in 90 years worth of anger, things are bound to get ugly...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 20,508 - Reviews: 297 - Favs: 162 - Follows: 184 - Updated: 4/12/2009 - Published: 8/9/2008 - Bella
Dare or Dare! by livetolovetwilight reviews
This is a story about Bella and the Cullen's. Alice thinks that they need to spend more time together and comes up with a great game, dare or dare. What will they do? Read to find out. All human!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 9,285 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 4/12/2009 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Complete
Save Kiss by orangekitty160 reviews
Bella is starting a new school in the middle of the freshman year, and meets her room-mate Alice and her friend Rosalie. she meets one boy, Edward, and immediately hates him. but what happens when he challenges her to a kissing contest....? all human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 40,705 - Reviews: 1336 - Favs: 801 - Follows: 507 - Updated: 3/31/2009 - Published: 10/8/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Silent Twilight by cheaplittlenotebook reviews
A new vampire is on the loose, and he has the intention of putting Edward and Bella's relationship in peril. Leave reviews por favor! :D
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 53,618 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 3/10/2009 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Complete
My Personal Sun by My Jacob reviews
Set sometime in New Moon, Edward doesn't return because Alice can't see Bella jump. Her and Jacob's friendship has progressed, but will it become more when Jacob spies on Bella sleeping and hears her sleeptalk? M for Lemons!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 45,016 - Reviews: 380 - Favs: 273 - Follows: 161 - Updated: 2/2/2009 - Published: 11/30/2008 - Bella, Jacob - Complete
The Bet by vampires rule my world reviews
Bella and Emmett make a bet with each other to see who has the most 'adventurous' sex life. Rated M for lemons.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 11,930 - Reviews: 200 - Favs: 356 - Follows: 144 - Updated: 1/25/2009 - Published: 1/7/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Flashing Lights by blueFOO reviews
Edward left with his past leaving Bella to fend by herself. 62 years later, they meet. And Bella is not alone. And all Edward wants back, his first love. Summary not that good.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,252 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 12/22/2008 - Published: 9/27/2008
AKA your teacher by Mehzilla reviews
Seventeen year old Bella Swan gets persuaded into going night clubbing with her two best friends, so when a bronze-haired man teaches her how to move with him, little did she know he was going to be teaching her a lot more then just that. AH OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,520 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 177 - Updated: 12/18/2008 - Published: 12/15/2008 - Bella, Edward
Oh What a Night by mirannon reviews
WELL! Bella has a steamy dream about Edward... How will he react? Can you smell lemons? And what if Charlie interrupts? Please R/R, First Fan Fict!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,823 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 12/8/2008 - Published: 11/28/2008 - Bella, Edward
Knew by Chyenna reviews
Edward knew.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 215 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 8 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Carlisle - Complete
Still by Chyenna reviews
A what-if concerning Edward's control when Bella's life is in his hands... literally. Officially Bella/Carlisle and complete.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 9 - Words: 487 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 11/28/2008 - Published: 11/27/2008 - Carlisle, Bella - Complete
Anytime by Eowyn77 reviews
Bella's first face-to-face with Emmett and Jasper after Pheonix.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 738 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 272 - Follows: 32 - Published: 11/22/2008 - Bella, Emmett - Complete
Charlie, the SCARY vampire! by Broken Ice Alchemist reviews
Have you Ever wondered what Charlie would have done if he was more observant to Bella when she first became A vampire? Here's how I see it!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,009 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 4 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Charlie S., Bella - Complete
Multiples by tennisjunkie reviews
Inspired by the "Sexy Edward Contest" - Bella is frustrated and calls Edward up for a booty call. AH. GRAPHIC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,265 - Reviews: 392 - Favs: 1,576 - Follows: 528 - Updated: 10/10/2008 - Published: 9/13/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Games We Play by Isabel0329 reviews
When Bella plays games with Edward, he takes action to punish her. Rated M for domination, sex and language! AH, All-Human. Extremely OOC. Example for the Dirty Talking Edward Contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,552 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 1,062 - Follows: 211 - Published: 9/23/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Burning Up by Raphta-chan reviews
L had always heard the pain of losing someone described as being frozen on the inside. On the contrary; he was burning up. Slightly AU, Short drabble, L's POV 3rd person after Light's death
Death Note - Rated: T - English - Angst/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,392 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/5/2008 - L, Light Y.
Daisies, Doctors, and Dreams by BloodyMarry reviews
Bella wakes up to find herself in a very...wonderful position. But it is a dream, or is it reality? CarlislexBella Set in Twilight. No Spoilers.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,184 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 15 - Published: 8/29/2008 - Carlisle, Bella - Complete
Sex And Vampires by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
The summary is NOT fanfiction appropriate. You'll have to read it in the first chapter. This is the long awaited replacement for When Life Gives You Lemons - not a sequel or a rewrite. BXE Filled with lemony goodness and a plot. Complete.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 32,605 - Reviews: 1656 - Favs: 1,322 - Follows: 823 - Updated: 8/9/2008 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
Pregnant Vampire Bella Joins the Army by MarcyJ reviews
The ultimate combination of horrific AU plotlines. Cowritten with the hilarious lindaroo! We are writing this a breakneck speed, so look for updates often!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 16,505 - Reviews: 251 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 152 - Updated: 6/21/2008 - Published: 3/1/2008
When I Think About You I Touch Myself by thefoodsnob reviews
Bella is commited to waiting until they are married before Edward fulfills his ends of the bargain,however Edward is making it as hard on her as he possibly can.When Alice, Esme, Rosalie, Renee, Jessica, and Angela intercede, it's a recipe for pure comedy
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 31,058 - Reviews: 940 - Favs: 690 - Follows: 753 - Updated: 1/21/2008 - Published: 11/15/2007
Randomness in Forks reviews
there is SLIGHT cursing, Random moments in forks with.. EVERYONE! :D why is bella going to the newtons store with a paintball gun and emmet! why is edward throwing skittles and bloody meat at mike? YOU WON'T KNOW UNTIL YOU READ!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,055 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 1/4/2009 - Published: 12/3/2008