Author has written 12 stories for Twilight, Mortal Instruments, and Hetalia - Axis Powers.
If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.
Just Random stuff
Can you cook? some things. although, my parents still tease me about the time I set fire to the stove boiling waterWhat was your dream growing up? to be an artistWhat talent do you wish you had? singingFavorite place? with my friendsFavorite vegetable? cornWhat zodiac sign are you ? TaurusAny Tattoos and/or Piercings? none to speak of yet, but I want snake bites and a tattoo that says "Damn Skippy" somewhereWorst Habit? not sticking with one thing very longWhat is your favorite sport? swimming
Negative or Optimistic attitude? OptimisticTell me one weird fact about you: I can touch my nose with my tongueDo you have any pets? four cats and a gecko :)
Do you know how to do the Macarena? I haven't in a while, but I canDo you think clowns are cute or scary? Scary as hellIf you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be? My stomach or my eyebrowsWhat color eyes do you have? brown around the iris and forest green on the outsideEver been arrested? Not yet, but I probably will be one day for doing something fun yet stupid XPIf you won 10,000 dollars today, what would you do with it? buy books. lots and lots of books. and get those piercings and the tattoo I wantDo you believe in ghosts? if you can give me actual proof sure.Favorite thing to do in your spare time? Reading, writing, drawing, hanging out with my friends, going on facebook, and checking my livejournalDo you swear a lot? sometimes, but only if I'm really angry or surprisedBiggest pet peeve? people reading or watching over my shoulder
In one word, how would you describe yourself? weird
Any Siblings?: Younger brother (12) and younger sister (9)Righty or Lefty?: RightyWhat month were you born in?:AprilBiggest Fear: being aloneFamous Person You Want To Meet: J.K. Rowling, Cassandra Clare, Kellan Lutz, Miyavi, Matthew Bellamy, and Dominic HowardFavorite Movie: A Knight's Tale or Sliding DoorsFavorite School Subject: anything with computers or art or writingFavorite Childhood Memory: The first time I had mountain dewFavorite Possession: My phoneFavorite Number: 7 or 13 depending on the dayFavorite Month: AprilFavorite Ice Cream: Mint Chocolate chip or Moose TracksFavorite Smell: Rain or Vice Axe
Favorite Cartoon Character: Gilbert Weilschmidt or Roderich EdelsteinI don't understand...: lifeWhen I wake up in the morning...: I try going back to sleep (if it's morning still then it's too early)Life is full of...: changeMy past is...: full of mistakes, heart break, and my friendsI wish...: I could find someone who loves me for who I amI am totally terrified of...: spiders (oddly enough I'm completely fine with smaller triantulas that are in cages, but get me near a daddy long legs or anything else and watch me fly away from it at full speed)
I hate people who...: are assholesLast November...: I finally got regrounded for my horrible gradesI love it when...: I get a new idea for a storyI work...: no where, currently
my dream last night...: is nonexistent as of yet.Today I ate...: potato saladThe world could do with less...: assholes
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic. (I have a faster metabolism.)I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditzI'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whoreI wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo. (So I like black, why do I have to be goth or emo? I just think it looks good. 'sides, it's not like that's the only color (shade) that I wear.)I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend. (I'm not even going to try to explain how wrong this one is)I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandalsI'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention. I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention. (while I do like the idea of being noticed by more people, I have perpetual stage fright, so no, this is not the reason I dress so weird or dye my hair so many weird colors. Sorry, Mario, Peach is in another castle.)I'm INTO THEATER ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOOI'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceitedI'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedyI'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazyI'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamasI'm STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazyI'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat. (I'm sorry if I like food, I was under the impression that food is one of those things you need to live.)I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punksI'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfectI'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm blackI'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devilI'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser. (If I'm a loser, then I'm an awesome one. End of discussion.)I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self controlI'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie Hollister.I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive. (My friend already likes to think she knows more than me (bullshit), so don't even get me started.)I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snobI'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot. (No. Just, no.)I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone. (Yeah, okay, and I just saw a pig fly past my window!)I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too. (no.)I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't. (if I got to stab someone for everytime I've heard this, there would be a lot less people in the world.)I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazyI tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.I READ COMICS, so I MUST be a loser.I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE. So I MUST be a whore myself.I’m a GOTH, so I MUST be a SatanistI’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freakI am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker. (No. I'm sorry if I like Lestat, and Louis, and Emmett, and Kaiden, and Akuma, and a ton of other characters, but that is only because they are true AWESOMENESS. and I do not stalk them. (well, maybe I stalk Kaiden and Akuma, but really, how can you stop yourself from stalking your girlfriend's characters?))I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak.I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant. (anyone who truely thinks this should be smacked upside the head.)I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheepI’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo. (while I do have some moments of emo-dom, I am not really emo. get it through your SKULLS.)I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers.I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE. (Not going to give you the satisfaction of an answer.)I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and A MURDERER!I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBEI’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser. (again: AWESOME loser.)I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy.I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virginsI'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE. (yeah, this one might be true. but the two things are in NO WAY connected.)I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER. (A loner with a lot of loner friends)I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY. (HALF-gay. and I'm sorry if I like it. (no, I'm just kidding. I'm not sorry.))I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED. (LABELS ARE FOR SOUP CANS!)I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish. (once again, this is true, but they aren't connected.)I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.I'm AUSTRALIAN so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s.I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the timesI’m GAY so I MUST be after EVERY straight guy around.I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian. (I don't want a boyfriend because I have a girlfriend already. see above)I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.I like marching bands, so I MUST be a friendless freak. (I'm sorry if I'm friends with the bandies.)I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too. (No, I couldn't hurt myself if I tried, and I'm trying to get them to stop. So shuddap.)I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp. (I have over-active tear ducts, and I might be a little emotional, but I am FAR from a wimp.)I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist. (I'm NOT a perfectionist. You should see my room.)I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, them burst into tears at one mistake.I DON'T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems. (I don't talk about it, because people tend to have this bad habit of LABELING without really getting to know someone. So I just don't want to waste my time saying what's going on in my life when they're just going to mark me as "The Weird One" and move on with their label maker anyway.)I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl)Pepper Lemon(Roshaun, Ronan) Second Daughter of Eve (Several, not telling.),Phish Tacko (Marty McFly, Klaus Baudelaire, Alex P. Keaton) Sugary Snicket (Danny Phantom/Fenton in my early FFN days, Durza, Dexter Morgan, Sirrus) FanofSnicket (Klaus Bauldalaire!!) Insanefangirl (Randall off monsters inc.)MrsEdgarAllanPoe(Sweeney Todd, Jack Skelington, Edward Scissorhands, Tobais Ragg, and Agent Fox "Spooky" Mulder) Spitfire47(Tobias Ragg, Seth off Prison Break, David "Tweener" Apolskis) SweeneyToddRocksMySocks (Sweeney Todd, Erik, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Edward Scissorhands, Anthony Hope, Batman), Heidi the Odd(A Lot, not telling...), Emmett'sMunkeyGurl(Emmett Cullen, Draco Malfoy, Kaiden, Akuma, Roderich Edelstein, and a lot more as well)
Emmett's the strongest.Rosalie's the hottest.Edward's the fastest.Bella's the clumsiestAlice's the quirkiest.
But only Jasper can sit in a corner and STILL make everyone feel jealous
Bella: "It's...a cow."Edward: "No, Bella. It's a dinosaur. Of course it's a cow!"Bella: "You...want me to eat it?"Edward: "No. I want you to throw a stick at it and see if it brings it back."Bella: "Feeling a little sarcastic today?"Edward: "Just a bit"
()_(/)(='.'=) This is Bunny.(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination!
If you've ever read past two in the morning, copy this to your profile.
If you're easily confused or confuzzled, copy and paste this to your profile
If you're Team Lestat and proud of it, copy and paste this to your profileToo often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch slap that mother fucker upside the head. Pass it on..."Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still really bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs."We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America , but we haven't a clue as to where thousands of Illegal immigrants and Terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of immigration!"A good friend picks you up when you fall, a best friend picks you up and then trips you again."Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family so it must be one of them. Either it's my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Collin. Or my other brother Ho-Chan-Chu. I think it's Collin.Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling him saying "you will die in seven days"You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harderThey say guns don't kill people, people kill people, but honestly I think guns have something to do with it because if someone just stood there and said "bang," I don't think many people would be dead...
I know. I hate these things too, I just also happen to be scared shitless easily. If you don't wanna have to repost some crap skip down. Or you know, if you just don't repost stuff like this and you don't worry about it, go on and read it. I guess I'm just not that brave. *shivers*
there were 3girls
They were looking through peoplesMySpaces.
The girl slowly came upon this onemyspace.
It had creatures in the background and the manlooked like a psycho.
She started laughing with her friend commenting on how ugly he was.
Right then, an instant message came up.
SatanStalker: So how do u like myMySpace??
XxLoVemExX: Who is this anyway??
SatanStalker: Well, you should know;youre looking at my MySpace right now.
XxLoVemExX: How do you know that im looking at ur pro??
SatanStalker:I know when people look at my MySpace.
XxLoVemExX: What? That doesnt makeany sense, how?
SatanStalker: I just do.
Satanstalker: Especially to pretty girls like you.
Satanstalker: With very nice legs I might say.
At the time the girl was wearing highshorts.
She started to pull them down a little bit to cover whatever she could. Her and her friend started to getworried now.
XxLoVemExX: Ok whatever man youre starting to scare the living heck out of me.
SatanStalker: You should be afraid.
SatanStalker: You wouldnt want an ugly guy like me touching your legs huh? I mean thats what youjust said about me with your friend like aminute ago.
They were in shock.
Her friend: Holy crap man just block himhes a fing psycho!
The girl: Ok holy crap, you think heswatching us?
SatanStalker: I am.
SatanStalker: Well it wouldnt reallymatter if you blocked me anyway; it wouldnt stop mefrom coming to your house.
XxLoVemExX: What? My house?
SatanStalker: Yeah, youre alone so itsnot a problem.
XxLoVemExX: Ok I think Im going to leave now because youre freaking me out.
SatanStalker: Your screen name sayslove me, trust me that wont be a problem.
SatanStalker has just signed off.
The girl and her friend were reallyscared. Girls
friend: Whatever lets just go upstairs trust me I doubt hes really coming. Its just a joke from someone.
They went upstairs and were having a pillow fight.
All of a sudden the girls friend said she had to go to the bathroom. The girl said ok.
Ten minutes later the girl noticed that her friend wasstill in the bathroom and was wondering what was up.
She goes and knocks but no one saidanything
she opens it and finds her friend there onthe ground dead. She started to scream but when sheturned around he was there. News the next morning said that there was one girl dead in the bathroom;
her neck sliced with blood all over the ground. with her head nailed to the wall. Just her head.
If you do not repost this in the next twominutes here will be three men, one in yourbathroom,
one in your room, and one killing your parents at thatvery moment.
Tonight at 1:30 am. Well, what are you waiting for?
"They hurt her..."
About six years ago in Indiana, Carmen Winstead was pushed down a sewer opening by five girls in her school, trying to embarrass her in front of her school during a fire drill. When she didn't submerge, the police were called. They went down and brought up 17-year-old Carmen Winstead's body, with her neck broken from hitting the ladder, then the concrete at the bottom. The girls told everyone she fell... They believed them.
FACT: About two months later, 16-year-old David Gregory read this post and didn't repost it. When he went to take a shower, he heard laughter, started freaking out, and ran to his computer to repost it. He said goodnight to his mom and went to sleep, but five hours later, his mom woke up in the middle of the night from a loud noise and David was gone. A few hours later, the police found him in the sewer, with a broken neck and the skin on his face peeled off.
Even Google her name - you'll find this to be true.
If you don't repost this saying "They hurt her," then Carmen will get you, either from a sewer, the toilet, the shower, or when you go to sleep, you'll wake up in the sewer, in the dark, then Carmen will come and kill you.I am the girl that doesn't go to school dances, or games, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book.
I am the girl that people look through when I say something.I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal.I am the girl that people call weird and a freak either behind my back or to my face.I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cell phone or regular phone.I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year.I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain.
BUT I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is,doesn’t care if people call her weird (it's a compliment),who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more,who loves and is obsessed with Twilight,who can express herself better with words than actions,who doesn't need a guy to complete her,and knows the importance of the little things.
Copy and paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest time that they are unique but not alone.: Iheartjake1220, FaerieRose13, Dancer4Life15,Marigold Winters, Starthevampire, 'biggest-twilight-fan', LuvableLittleMonster
~The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, when I grew up I was BLACK, when I'm sick I'm BLACK, when I go into the sun I'm BLACK, when I'm cold I'm BLACK, when I die I'll beBLACK. But you sir, when you're born you're PINK, when you grow up you're WHITE, when you're sick, you're GREEN, when you go in the sun you turnRED, when you're cold you turn BLUE and when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored? Post this on your profile if you hate racism.
Copy and paste this into your profile if when you were young... There were only 150 Pokemon. Digimon was popular. Yugi-Oh actually had Yugi in it. You didn’t get weird looks when you went Trick-or-Treating. Nobody cared what you looked like. Hamtaro ROCKED. Catching a pidgeon was cool. Pirates before Pirates of the Carribean. Nobody knew how to spell 'Volcano'. Pinky and the brain were cartoon characters, not body parts. Saying 'moron' was a swear word. Fire was considered dangerous. The only thing you had to worry about were cooties. Cursive writing was just a bunch of swirly lines. Multiplication was scary. Dora the Explorer and that goddamned monkey who follows her EVERYWHERE didn't exist. The first Harry Potter was the coolest thing since sliced bread.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!
When life gives me lemons, I make orange juice and leave the world to wonder how the hell I managed it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
If all else fails, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
The person who smiles when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.
Better to stay silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Someday, we'll look on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Normal people scare me...but not as much as I scare them.
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.
If I had any dignity that would have been humiliating.
Sanity? I never had such a useless thing to begin with!
That which does not kill me had better run pretty dang fast.
Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
A wise man once said, "Ask a girl."
When in doubt, push random buttons!
Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.
When you talk to God, that's religion. When God talks to you, that's psychotic.
You wanna know why God created man before woman? Every masterpiece needs a rough draft!
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel. Of course, it's usually an oncoming express train.
Last night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars when suddenly I wondered..."Dude, where the fuck is my ceiling?"
There are three kinds of people. Those who learn by reading, a few who learn by observation, and the rest who have to test the electric fence for themselves.
They say guns don't kill people; people do. Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled 'BANG!' I don't think you'd kill many people...
Just when I think you've said the stupidest thing ever you just keep on talking.
You know, you do this annoying thing where you open your mouth and then these things you call words come out. Yeah like that. Stop it.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.
I'm not cynical, everything just sucks.
I respect your opinion, I just think it's stupid.
It's not denial. I’m just selective about the reality I accept.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
A clear conscience is usually a sign of memory loss.
There are no stupid questions, just a lot of inquisitive idiots.
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you’re good.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.
If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.
Sarcasm is one more service we offer.
Hate is just a special kind of love we give to people who suck.
I used to have super powers, but then my therapist took them away.
They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it every time I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?
Some people are like slinkies. They seem to have no purpose, but they still bring you a smile when you push them down the stairs.
Keep smiling; it makes people wonder what you're up to.
Love your enemies. It gets them really confused.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
dude... what did you do with my cookies? COOKIE TERRORIST!
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. When caught sleeping at school/work/wherever you are not supposed to be sleeping, and you are woken up, shout, "AMEN!"
5.Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.
6.In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Marijuana
7.Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'.
9. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11.Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream'I Won! I Won!'
18. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!'
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner,'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.'
20 And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .
Copy and Paste this To Make People who read bios Smile.
~I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I now call my friends~