Author has written 4 stories for Someone Like You, Twilight, Growing Pains, and Princess Diaries.
I'm Ren. :)
I love to read, laugh, and just chill out with mis amigas.
Have you read my stories? You might of haven't, but I know you want to. I also know you want to review them even more.
Favorite Athletes of the Olympics 2008!
Michael Phelps (is reason necessary? He's practically an American hero! Dudes, he seriously deserves his own action figure!)
Usain Bolt because he puts fun first!
He Kexin because she doesn't let age stop her!
Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods.
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
Why America Has Some Issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)
1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.
Nine Things I Hate About Everyone:
1. People who point at their watch is when they ask for the time.
I know where my watch is pal, where the hell's yours?
Do I point at my crotch asking where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off thier ass to search the entire room for a TV remote
because they refuse to walk up and change it manually.
3. When people say 'Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too.'
Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say 'It's always the last place you look.'
Of course it is! Why would you keep looking after you've found it?
5. When people say while watching a film, 'Did you see that?'
No Loser, I paid 12 to come into a cinema and star at the floor.
6. People who ask, 'Can I ask you a question?'
Didn't give me much chance there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved'!
Which is it?
If it's new, nothing has been done to it before. If it's an improvement, then there must've been something before it,
couldn't be new.
8. When people say 'Life is short.' What the hell? Life's the longest thing anyone's ever going to do!
9. When you're waiting at a bus stop and someone comes up and asks, 'has the bus come yet?'
If it had, would I be standing here, dumbass?
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
15 Ways to Get Kicked Out of WalMart
1-wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf
2-Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.
3-Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price
4-Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices"
5-when the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!"
6-start a fish stick fight
7-walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!"
8-(this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!"
9-walk up to an employee and murmur "code red in aisle 3" and see what they do
10-slip a bra and a lacey pink thong into a really macho-looking man's cart (just make sure he doesn't have any girls with him)
11-attempt to fly off a high shelf
12-throw confetti on random people walking into the store
13-whisper "I know your "little secret"' to people in the checkout line
14-stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section
15-walk up to empoyees and whisper "I saw dead people...They want me to take you away...to aisle 8..
WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE ON AN ELEVATOR
2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting
3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,
4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you
5) MEOW occasionally.
6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're
7) SAY -DING at each floor.
8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.
9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have
11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"
12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.
13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back
16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.
17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a
18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then
19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and
21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.
22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
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