Ren.Long
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Joined 08-15-08, id: 1668184, Profile Updated: 08-19-08
Author has written 4 stories for Someone Like You, Twilight, Growing Pains, and Princess Diaries.

I'm Ren. :)

What's up?

I love to read, laugh, and just chill out with mis amigas.

Have you read my stories? You might of haven't, but I know you want to. I also know you want to review them even more.

Favorite Athletes of the Olympics 2008!

Michael Phelps (is reason necessary? He's practically an American hero! Dudes, he seriously deserves his own action figure!)

Usain Bolt because he puts fun first!

He Kexin because she doesn't let age stop her!


Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods.

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Why America Has Some Issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Nine Things I Hate About Everyone:

1. People who point at their watch is when they ask for the time.

I know where my watch is pal, where the hell's yours?

Do I point at my crotch asking where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off thier ass to search the entire room for a TV remote

because they refuse to walk up and change it manually.

3. When people say 'Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too.'

Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say 'It's always the last place you look.'

Of course it is! Why would you keep looking after you've found it?

5. When people say while watching a film, 'Did you see that?'

No Loser, I paid 12 to come into a cinema and star at the floor.

6. People who ask, 'Can I ask you a question?'

Didn't give me much chance there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'!

Which is it?

If it's new, nothing has been done to it before. If it's an improvement, then there must've been something before it,

couldn't be new.

8. When people say 'Life is short.' What the hell? Life's the longest thing anyone's ever going to do!

9. When you're waiting at a bus stop and someone comes up and asks, 'has the bus come yet?'

If it had, would I be standing here, dumbass?

25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck k!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

15 Ways to Get Kicked Out of WalMart

1-wander through the store dressed in all black with a fake walkie-talkie humming the Mission Impossible theme. When someone asks what you're doing, scream "LOOK OUT!!" and push them behind a shelf

2-Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly after they take one.

3-Buy 350 packets of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" once the cashier tells you the price

4-Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask someone where you can find some "musical devices"

5-when the announcer-thing comes on, throw yourself on the floor and scream "THE VOICES!!THEY'RE BACK!!"

6-start a fish stick fight

7-walk up to random people and give them giant bear hugs. Then scream "I MISSED YA, MAN!!"

8-(this requires a friend) Jump in a cart and have a friend push you around screaming "The British are coming!!"

9-walk up to an employee and murmur "code red in aisle 3" and see what they do

10-slip a bra and a lacey pink thong into a really macho-looking man's cart (just make sure he doesn't have any girls with him)

11-attempt to fly off a high shelf

12-throw confetti on random people walking into the store

13-whisper "I know your "little secret"' to people in the checkout line

14-stand inside the freezer at the frozen food section

15-walk up to empoyees and whisper "I saw dead people...They want me to take you away...to aisle 8..

WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE ON AN ELEVATOR
1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air
in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting
off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open,
then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you
Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're
one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have
new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back
for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a
while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then
scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and
exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

BREAK IT by swtSARA reviews
What if David makes that mistake in life that can never be forgiven. Will Sam still decide to forgive him or will she go ahead and do it too just to make him jealous.
All American Girl - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,915 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 5/16/2009 - Published: 4/7/2007
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The Moment of Truth reviews
Grandmere's got a plan to make Genovia more popular among the Americans. Then why is Mia stuck participating in the Moment of Truth? RxR
Princess Diaries - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 528 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/25/2008
Olympics 2008! reviews
Follow the Cullens and Bella as they stumble through China during its busiest, the Olympics! RxR
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 4 - Words: 3,782 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 8/23/2008 - Published: 8/18/2008
10 Reasons Why They'd Never Make reviews
Little humurous scenes that could've contributed to the break up of Bobby and Carol. All made up, but quite fun. RxR
Growing Pains - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 229 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/23/2008
Horoscope, Free of Charge! reviews
Chloe tries to play a trick on Remy's ex, Jonathan, but through a terrible mix up, Dexter pays the price instead. RxR
Someone Like You - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,976 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/20/2008 - Published: 8/17/2008