Highlands
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Joined 08-18-08, id: 1671058, Profile Updated: 03-28-11
Author has written 1 story for Odyssey.

SHAMELESS PLUG: Want to improve your vocabulary while helping to fight world hunger? Go to FreeRice.com.

UnoriginalScreename, 2.6.09=


SEARCH IN THE DARK—ONLINE, THAT IS. Blackle is a Google-based search engine that uses a black background, which gets you the info you need without wasting extra energy. Visit www.blackle.com.

3.24.09.+


For those of you who dislike long bio's, like mine, there's a "HIDE BIO" button on the top right corner of every authors page. I don't know why you would want to do that, though, because my page is totally interesting, I tell you, no lie . . .

-Highlands, 9.24.08.

Hey all! I completely died off the face of the earth, but I'm baaaa~aaaaack. I come sporadically, but summer is my time to thrive! Sees yous laters.

Highlands, 03/28/11.

Evening Falls by Ava Sinclair. READ IT. It's intricate and spellbounding and lovely and all those fantastic words critics can manage to put together!

-Highlands, 05.17.09.

"Just wanted to let you know that I finished reading your profile. It took me 9 days, and now, I can't remember what made me laugh at the beginning of it so I have to go read it again."

-xx.nikteche, 3.28.09. (Thanks for telling me whatcha think. Nine days . . . that's quite the total.)(Ahem. Just wanted to say, she's a great author too, so read her stuff too.)

Hey, any of you see a mistake/repeat on my profile, tell me, please?

-Highlands, 12.4.08


Okay. Here's a hint on how to get hits on your story: Make sure your title is capitalized and the summary is in correct grammar and all that punctuation crap. I do not care if your story is as bad as hell. (Okay. I lie. But, for now, say I don't.) You won't believe how annoying it is. Just DO it. Comprende?


All the Funny Things You Can Find On FanFiction:

By Highlands

~Twenty Ways to Annoy People in an Elevator:

1) Announce in a demonic voice: “I must find a more suitable host body.”

2) Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper, "I think they want in . . ."

3) Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.

4) Ask, “Did you hear that cable-snapping sound?”

5) Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.

6) Call out, “Group hug!” and enforce it.

7) Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for three months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball.

8) Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, “That’s mine!”

9) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"

(Someone explain this to me, please. Is this funny because you will be seen as schizophrenic or because you will suddenly say that when no one is talking . . . ?)

10) Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, “Hi Eugene, how’s your day been?”

11) Hum the theme to Jeopardy.

12) Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.

13) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

14) Say, while holding a paper with 'OUT OF ORDER' written on it, “I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in.”

15) Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.

16) Stare at another passenger for a while, then scream “You’re one of THEM!” and cower to the far corner of the elevator.

17) When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming "Let me out!"

18) When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.

19) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

20) When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, “It’s okay! Don’t panic, they’ll open again.”

tickledblue=


Annoying Things To Do On An Elevator II

1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside, and ask, "Got enough air in there?"

2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you 'Admiral.'

5) Meow occasionally.

6) Stare at another passenger for awhile. Then announce in horror: "You’re one of THEM!" — and back away slowly.

7) Say “Ding" at each floor.

8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

17) Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg, how’s your day been?"

19) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with The Passengers.

21) Swat at flies that don't exist.


Sixteen Things To Do At Wal-Mart . . .

1. Get twenty-four boxes of condoms, and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren’t looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at five-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in Housewares". . . and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION — WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, “Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack, and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream . . . “NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door, wait a while, and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!”

16. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting, "Go, Pikachu, go!"

All by the Wonderful Ninja Spork - Sporker Stalker, 10.30.08=


Effective Ways On How To Annoy/Scare The Living Daylights Outta People

1. When a waiter asks you what you would like to eat, simply answer, “Food.”

2. When a waiter asks you what you want, spew off a long, complicated order and right before they go, change your mind, and order something else.
3. Repeat everything the person says in a question.
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World," incessantly.
5. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
10. When at least eight people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, not now! Damn motion sickness!"
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively with your eye-brows wiggling at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Ask every passenger that goes up if you can press the button for them.
26. Log on to a computer, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream: "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
27. Laugh uncontrollably for about three minutes and then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
28. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the dang thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait five minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.
29. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
30. Bring a chain saw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case . . ." mysteriously.
31. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
32. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
33. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, and then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
34. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
35. Send e-mails constantly to the person next to you.
39. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
40. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
41. Ask, "Did you feel that?" (Explanation, please?)
42. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
44. Dance, while drumming noisily against the walls.

all-hail-the-jello,12.4.08=


New:

"Quote the 25th letter of the alphabet . . . Y"

TriGemini,2.2.09=


"That spot is following me. Oh . . . Nope . . . that would be a bug."

"This is so awesome, I feel like the James Bond theme song should be blaring right about now. Here, I'll improvise."

"Get me a Whopper!"
"I'm sorry, we don't have Whoppers at Wendy's . . ."
"Well, get me a Big Mac!"

"We haven't talked in so long! I just want to hear your lovely voice."
"That was creepy."

Bronzehairedgirl620,2.2.09=


(''•.¸(''•.¸ ¸.•'´)¸.•'´)
«´¨'•.¸¸.¤-‘Water Droplets.¸¸.•´¨'»
(¸.•'´(¸.•'´ ''•.¸)''•.¸)


Handling Kids is Easy.

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause.

As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"

The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door on any flight I choose."

1.15.09+


The Best of Bumper Stickers.

· My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her . . . or something like that.

· Keep honking while I reload.

· If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy.

· Bad Cop! No Donut!

· It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.

· I love cats . . . they taste just like chicken. (For a second there, I thought it was "I love cats . . . they taste just like children.")

· I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

· Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.

· Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

· Cover me. I’m changing lanes.

· As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

· Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

· Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

· Tow-ers will be violated.

· The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

· I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

· It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

· When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

· Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

· Wink, I’ll do the rest!

· I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

· When there’s a will, I want to be in it!

· Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

· If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

· My karma ran over my dogma.

· Reality? That’s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!

· Forget about World Peace . . . Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

· Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

· We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

· Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

· Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

· Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

· Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

· i souport publik edekasion.

· We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

· Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

· Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

· Diplomacy is the art of saying, ‘Nice, doggie!’ . . . 'till you can find a rock.

1.15.09 +

Bumper Stickers II

• Don't Worry What People Think: They Don't Do It Very Often

• I'm Only Speeding Cause I Really Have to Poop

• You Looked Better on MySpace

• My Kid is an Honor Student & My President is an Idiot

• If You Can't Enjoy Yourself, Try to Enjoy Someone Else

3.18.09+


What's In a Name?

Billy Bob’s pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma. After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, “Ma’am, you had twins! A boy and a girl. The babies are fine and your brother came in and named them.”

The woman thinks to herself, “Oh no, not my brother… he’s an idiot!” Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?”

“Denise,” says the doctor.

The new mother says, “Wow, that’s a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise.” Then she asks, “What’s the boy’s name?”

“Denephew.”

1.15.09+


Ways You Can Tell You Are A Sad Sack

You get fired from your job at McDonald's.
You are so annoying that even your multiple personalities won't speak to you any more.
Your imaginary friends keep finding excuses not to come over.
Your mom still pick your clothes out for you.
You pick your nose and don't care who sees you.
You are over 30 and still living with your parents.
You look forward to going to a Catholic church for confession just so you can have someone to talk to.
You welcome calls from phone salesmen because no one else will talk to you.
You remind a teacher that she forgot to give homework.

-Xo-SARCASTIC-oX- =


Things to Ponder:

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
So, what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?

-Xo-SARCASTIC-oX- =


TOP TEN Excuses If You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk At Work:

10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."

9. "This is just a fifteen minute power-nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."

8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white-out. You probably got here just in time!"

7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."

6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."

5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who practice Yoga?"

4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."

3. "The coffee machine is broken . . ."

2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot . . ."

And the #1 excuse to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk.


1. " . . . AMEN!"

-Xo-SARCASTIC-oX- =


25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don 't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

-Xo-SARCASTIC-oX- =


~Things Found Only in America~

1. Only in America - can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America - are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America - do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America - do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
5. Only in America - do banks leave both doors to the vault open & then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America - do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway & put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America - do we use answering machines to screen calls & then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America - do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
10. Only in America - do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

BloodyBrittney23 =


In Case You Need Further Proof That The Human Race Is Doomed Because Of Stupidity, Here Are Some Actual Label Instructions On Consumer Goods:

On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
(Dang, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
(And that would be how?)

On some frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
(Just a suggestion . . . )

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
(Oh, now you tell me!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
(Isn't that the point?)
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.) =13oClock=

On a Korean kitchen knife: "Warning: keep out of children."
(Hmm . . . Something must have gotten lost in the translation . . . )

On packaging for a K-Mart iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those five-year-old's with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
(Well, I should hope so!)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
(As opposed to . . . what?)

On a Japanese food processor:"Not to be used for the other use".
(Now I'm curious.) (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".

(Talk about a news flash!) (But no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
(Step 3: Maybe, uh . . . fly Delta?)
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one . . . )

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
(Oh, darn . . . )

On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) (Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

Graceful Little Alice=


Many English teachers from across the country can submit their collections of actual similes and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh Master.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are known to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work. (Mean, yet I figure at least some of you laughed. Tsk, tsk.)

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up. (Ahh, true love!)

Tail writer, 12.2.08=


A Hundred and One Ways to Annoy People

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen.
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector strips
into peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

10.15.08+


You Know You Live In 2007 When . . .

1. You go to a party, sit down and take My Space pics

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is because they don't have AIM/MySpace/LiveJournal

4. You would rather look all over the house for the remote rather than pushing the button on the T.V.

6. Your evening activity is sitting on the computer.

7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.

8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.

9. You were too busy to notice number five.

10. You actually looked back up to see if there was a number five.

11. And now you are laughing at your stupidity.

Writinfool22=


RULES FOR LIFE AT HOGWARTS

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after my lucky charms.

3) "I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

4) I will not sing "We're Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

5) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

6) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

7) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

8) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

9) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy.

10) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "Time of the Month."

11) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals.

12) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin Quidditch matches.

13) The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

14) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout, "To the Bat Mobile, Robin!"

15) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

16) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor.

17) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental.

18) I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny. Even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

19) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends."

20) I will not dress up in a Dementor's suit and use a dustbuster on Harry's lips to make him do what I want.

21) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

22) I will not hold my wand in the air before casting spells shouting, "I got the power!"

23) I will not tell Sir Cadogan that the Knights who say Ni have challenged him to a duel and then have students yell "Ni!" from various directions. (Highly inappropriate, albeit very funny.)

24) I am not Xena: Warrior Princess and I shall not use war cries to signal my entrance when I enter a classroom.

25) Its not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" every time I apparate.

26) I will not steal Griffyndor's sword from Dumbledore's office and use it to patrol the hallway.

27) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

28) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

29) I am not allowed to begin Herbology class by singing the theme song to "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes."

30) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

31) The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife. (Don't get it really . . . Help me out?)

32) "Draco Malfoy, Take it up the arse" is not an acceptable Quidditch chant.

33) I will not dress up as Voldemort for Halloween.

34) I am not Allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot, gay sex will occur.

35) It is a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagal that she takes herself too seriously.

36) "Ya'll check this shit out!" is not an appropriate way to announce that I am about to conduct an experimental
spell.

37) I will not say the phrase, "Dude, get a life," to Voldemort.

38) I will not offer to pose nude for Collin Creevy. (He will take you up on it.)

39) I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy.

40) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

AliceCrookshanks24,11.20.08=


Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks, and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I've read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I've noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists, or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. With that in mind, allow me to present . . .

The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.

2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.

3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.

4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.

5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.

6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.

7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No," and shoot him. On second thought, I'll shoot him, then say, "No."

8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet, civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.

9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large, red button labeled, "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.

10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

12. One of my advisers will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.

13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of a cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.

14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.

15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 1:17 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.

16. I will never utter the sentence, "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."

17. When I employ people as advisers, I will occasionally listen to their advice.

18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.

19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.

20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.

21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mindset.

22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.

24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line, "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)

25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.

26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.

27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.

28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.

29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.

30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.

31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.

32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.

33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.

34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.

35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.

37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.

38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.

39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.

40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.

41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.

42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, naked mole rat, or whatever sickeningly-cute, little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.

43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.

44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.

45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say, "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.

46. If an adviser says to me, "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?" I will reply, "This," and kill the adviser.

47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.

48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.

49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.

50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.

51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.

52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.

53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says, "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!", I will say, "Oh well," and kill her.

54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.

55. The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However, before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.

56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.

57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.

58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.

59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.

60. My five-year-old child adviser will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.

61. If my advisers ask, "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.

62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.

63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.

64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.

65. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment Room.

66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.

67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.

68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.

69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.

70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.

71. If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.

72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super-weapon on them.

73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisers assure me it is impossible for them to win.

74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old adviser can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.

75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.

76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)

77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.

78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror, "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be, "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."

79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.

80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.

81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.

82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.

83. If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.

84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.

85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the twelve Stones of Power on the sacred altar, then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of, "Push the button."

86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.

87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.

88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.

89. After I capture the hero's super-weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.

90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.

91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.

92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)

93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.

94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.

95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.

96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.

97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.

98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstances have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.

99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.

Varietygirl9143=


Girls
are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys don't want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that are not as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree.

Graceful Little Alice=


My Personal Collection of Evil Bunnies . . .


/l、
(゚、 。 7
l、 ~ヽ
じしf,)ノ

Yaaaay kitty! (Imagine this is a bunny . . .)

Samantha-Paige-Cullen=

9.24.08


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx()() xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (0.0) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (_) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Samantha-Paige-Cullen=

9.24.08

sabrinaluvstwilight, 11.01.08=


Copy the bunny to your profile to help him achieve world domination,
and come join the dark side!

(There should be one here, but it won't show up for me . . . You'll have to check it out yourself . . .)

violent-smurf,10.15.08=


()()
(0.x)
0l=()l()l()l()=l0
Look at him, playing his little accordion (-ish thing) so he can eat...
Copy the bunny to your presentation to help him achieve world domination,
and come join the dark side. (We have Sporks. Ninja Sporks.)



(\_/)
(O.o)

la saboteuse,11.24.08=


( )( )
(n.n)
(")(")

-Xo-SARCASTIC-oX-,11.29.08=


:¨·.·¨:
·. EDWARD

-Xo-SARCASTIC-oX-,11.29.08=


Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No.

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No.

Girl: Choose—me or your life.

Boy: My life.

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says: The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. The reason I don't want you is because I need you. The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left. The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you. The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you. The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

Lord Bathory=

9.19.08


Did You Know that if you press the » button in between the
story title and the reviews link, it will automatically take you to the
last chapter posted in the story?

xx.nikteche, 3.28.09=


>I used to be a lifeguard, but some blue kid got me fired.
>Parents spend the first part of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. The second half is teaching them to sit down and shut up.
>Well, paint me purple and call me Barney.
>Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States.
>You think I'm crazy? At least I admit it.
=Thanks, Stephenie, now I'll never find a man.
>They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.

>You know there are poor people in Africa who can't afford sarcasm and yet you abuse it.
>Officer, I swear to drunk I'm not God!
>I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.

Writinfool22=


Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man . . . living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money!" (George Carlin)

“Last night, I dreamt I was eating a ten-pound marshmallow. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.”

“Politics: poli, a Latin word meaning "many", and tics, meaning "bloodsucking creatures." --Robin Williams

"I stopped fighting with my Inner Demons. We're on the same side, now."

"If you can't laugh at yourself, I'd be happy to do it for you."

artsfan,12.31.08=


Boy in My Homeroom: If you were a Hostess snack you'd be a Ho-ho.

Me: If you were a Hostess snack you'd be a Ding-dong.

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoXoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Edward: Sasha, if you were a lesbian, which girl at this school would you do?

Sasha: Definitely you, Edward.

Me and Nick: Ohhh, burrrn . . .

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoXoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The Principal (talking to me and my friend Harry): So are you kids going to the dance next week?

Harry School spirit is for squares.

the indifferent child of earth=

9.18.08


“Uhm…I’m going…to find Drew.” May said, quietly.

“Why?” came a voice. May turned to see Drew.

“Oh…you’re here.”

“Yes, unfortunately.” - May & Drew in Just Like Romeo And Juliet from Beautifly-Soul. Unfortunately May is a cheerleader. (Ah well. Sorry to all you cheerleaders out there. Its just the American influence on the British school system. I've been brainwashed into believing American stereotypes.)

(Highlands: I love her comments.)

Pixie-Belya, 4.28.09=


A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She
started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand
up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do
you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you
standing there all by yourself!"

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on
her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself
beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a
tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention i n class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local
police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the
10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and
asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the
policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny
asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his
father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the
horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad,
why are you doing that?" His father replied, "Because when I'm buying
horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape be fore
I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to
buy Mom."

ForEverTopaz1901,10.15.08=


A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Little Johnny replied, "Because people are sleeping."

3.18.09+

After a church service on Sunday morning, a young boy suddenly announced to his mother,
"Mom, I’ve decided to become a minister when I grow up."
"That’s okay with us, but what made you decide that?"
"Well," said the little boy, "I have to go to church on Sunday anyway,
and I figure it will be more fun to stand up and yell, than to sit and listen."

"A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon.
"How do you know what to say?" he asked.
"Why, God tells me."
"Oh . . . Then why do you keep crossing things out?"

The Sunday School Teacher asks, "Now, Johnny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
"No sir," little Johnny replies, I don’t have to. My mom is a good cook."

3.28.09.+


Normal 0 false false false EN-US X-NONE X-NONE MicrosoftInternetExplorer4

There is Information Everywhere

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have not been to confession for six months. On top of that, I’ve been with a loose woman.”

The priest sighs. “Is that you, little Tommy O’Shaughnessy?”

“Yes, Father, ’tis I.”

“And who might be the woman you were with?”

“I shan’t be tellin’ you, Father. It would ruin her reputation.”

“Well, Tommy, I’m bound to find out sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Brenda O’Malley?”

“I cannot say.”

“Was it Patricia Fitzgerald?”

“I’ll never tell.”

“Was it Lisa O’Shanter?”

“I’m sorry, but I’ll not name her.”

“Was it Cathy O’Dell?”

“My lips are sealed.”

“Was it Fiona Mallory, then?”

“Please, Father, I cannot tell you.”

The priest sighs in frustration. “You’re a steadfast lad, Tommy O’ Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you’ve sinned, and you must atone. Be off with you now.”

Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and whispers, “What’d you get?”

“Five more good leads!”

3.28.09+


One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused, and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five- and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

CrystalBrooke,12.31.08=


To all Eragon lovers: Read this. Warning! Eldest spoilers

A boy of foggy origins lives with his uncle in a remote place of a vast empire headed by an evil Emperor and his right hand man, who was once prominent in an ancient order of guardians with mystical powers. Through fate or luck, depending on your point of view, this boy comes into the possession of an object vital to a rebellion against the Empire; this object was inadvertently sent to him by a princess in the rebellion, who had attempted to send said object to an old man who once belonged to the same order of guardians as the Emperor’s right-hand man.

This boy seeks the old man to learn of the ways of this ancient order, but eventually has to return to his uncle’s farm, which, the boy finds, has been destroyed by fire, and his uncle killed. The boy then sets off with the old hermit, who also gives him a sword which belonged to his father. As they travel, they train. The boy meets up with a rogue who is full of surprises, but turns out to be fiercely loyal, for all his proclaimed selfishness. The boy also sees a beautiful woman imprisoned and in need of help.

The boy decides that he needs to rescue her, even though he doesn't know her; furthermore, he thinks of her only as beautiful. Long story short, the old hermit dies to protect the boy, the boy and the rogue help the beautiful damsel escape. They then set off to the rebellion to give important information and return the object which the princess had sent the boy. They were followed by the Empire, and prepare for a giant battle that will either save the rebellion or annihilate them. The boy proves his worth with heroics during the battle, but his crowning achievement is his destruction of a noun of much power that has the ability to destroy lots of things.. The boy is aided in this by one of his friends, who arrives at precisely the right moment. The boy is lauded a hero.

The boy has a hallucination of a powerful master who can teach him more of the ancient order. The boy travels to the powerful master to learn the ways of the ancient order's mystical power. While there, he grows very powerful. While he is away, the Rebellion regroups in a new area.

Just when the boy is on a roll with his training, and has grown very powerful, he has a vision of his friends in great danger. He decides he must go to help them. His master warns him not to go. The boy promises that he will return. He leaves. He finds his friends just in time and is able to distract the enemy so that his friends will remain safe. He finds out that his father was the right-hand man of the Emperor--his father was the one who betrayed the ancient order and helped kill them.

The boy is shocked and ultimately defeated, but not killed. He finds out that someone dear to him has been taken by evil people, and promises to find this person.

Now, is that the plot of Inheritance, or Star Wars?

artsfan,12.31.08=


Quotes


"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can be together all the time." - Hobbes

"Wanna know who your real friends are? Screw up and see who's still there."

"A true friend is someone who thinks you're a good egg, even though they know you're slightly cracked."

"We took a magic potion, and now . . . We're sexy!" - Shrek 2, Donkey

tickledblue=


I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want—an adorable pancreas?

Jean Kerr, The Snake Has All the Lines

The Romanticidal Edwardian, 06.09.09=


"We could all take a lesson from crayons: some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors, but they still learn to live in the same box."

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over.

"Let's eat grandpa!!"
"Let's eat, grandpa!!"
Punctuation saves lives.

"Where am I to go, now that I've gone too far?"

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. Oh, you think I'm kidding.

"Good friends will pick you up when your down, BEST FRIENDS will push you back down and laugh"
"Good friends ask why you're crying, BEST FRIENDS already have the shovel ready to bury the loser that made you cry"
"Good friends will bail you out of jail, BEST FRIENDS will be sitting right there next to you going, 'Damn, what did we do?'"
"Good friends will say you can do better, BEST FRIENDS will call him up and say "You have seven days to live"
"Good friends will help you with your drug problem, BEST FRIENDS are the ones who sold it to you,"
"Good friends will help you move, BEST FRIENDS will help you move the body"
"A best friend can look at you with a smile on your face and ask 'What's wrong?'"

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately, it kills all its pupils."

"It takes forty-six muscles to frown, but only four to flip 'em the bird."

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? I just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda."

Since Edward is a perfect angel, and God created angels, and Carlisle created Edward (into a vampire), God is Carlisle. That and when every one of us woke up and saw Carlisle, we thought he was God. And God (Carlisle) said, "Let there be Edward," . . . and it was good.

It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie, you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken. (It's a great day to be Teresa, though . . .)

Bella saw the children dressed as werewolves and vampires trading candy and laughing and wondered why couldn't it be like that in real life.

I am the future of America. Be very, very afraid.

Even if the voices aren't real, they got some great ideas.

Sometimes I get the urge to run around naked . . . but then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking.

What not to say to the police: "You're not going to check the trunk, are you?"

Oh my God, look at you! Was anyone else hurt in the accident?

Some call it stalking; I call it love.

I stayed up all night playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

all-hail-the-jello,12.4.08=


There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE, is when it's weird.

Lord Bathory=

9.19.08


"You really should stay away from me. See you in class." -Edward

"Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that, my children, is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies." (As said by the wonderful Johnny Depp in 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'.)

"Emmett's the strongest, Edward's the fastest, but Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make people jealous." -(DelilahTCullen)

Lianna Weschester=


-Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect - and I didn't live to be. But before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.- (Bob Marley)

-When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.- (Twilight, prologue.)

-Boys in books . . . are just better.-

-I have more fictional boyfriends than you do. Beat that!-

-It's funny how someone can break your heart and you still love them with all the little pieces.-

-Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.- (New Moon)

-The best things in life aren't things.- (Art Buchwald)

-Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. - Lol! (Some Genius)

-There's that one quote, 'when I'm around you the sky is a different blue'. What happens when I'm around you . . . the goddamn sky is grey?-

-So here's to teenage romance, and not knowing why it hurts like hell.-

-It's sad when people you know, become people you knew . . . When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours, and now . . . you can barely even look at them.-

-After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist finally said to me, "Maybe . . . life isn't for everyone." -

-You want a song of glory? Well I'm fucking screaming it at you.- (Box Full of Sharp Objects by The Used)

-Falling in love was the best idea I ever had.- (Same song as above.)

The Romanticidal Edwarian=


“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't.”

Daddy's Little Cannibal,12.31.08=


~ All I ask for is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy!

~ Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

~ Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?

neverever1617= ~

~Entered on the Fourteenth of September, 2008~


Me: Even if Edward was eighty and Bella was ten, they'd still get together--they're soul mates!
Sarah: Never say anything like that again.

Me: I'll have the strawberry shortcake--on second thought, can I have you for dessert?
Ian (Our waiter that night.): Would you like me with or without whipped cream?

"Fang could turn men gay, but he wouldn't be gay with them. It's like a hit and run thing." -Me

EdwardAddict=

10.04.08


(The family is car shopping again.)
Mom: -Points to a red Chrysler Crossfire.- "How about that one?"
Me: -Scoffs.- "That one, or the black one next to it. I'm not picky." -Points to the black Dodge Charger.-
Dad: "No you won't. One word: hemi." -Makes slurping sound to emphasize the horrible gas mileage.-
Me: "Okay, then. That purple one over there, then." -Points to a Dodge Charger R/T in purple.- "Purple is even better."
Mom: "How about this one? It's purple." -Points to a purplish-blue Impala.-
Me: "Ew, no. It's an
Impala." -Turns to Impala.- "I hiss at you." -Hisses.-

James: -Stares at one of the girls in my class hunched over a desk with her butt in the air.-
Me: "Enjoying the artwork?"
James: -Stares even more, directly at her butt, cocks head to the side.- "It's a beautiful piece."

(Talking about my friend whom Brian as a crush on. (SHE MUST NOT BE NAMED!))
Me: "Dude, I wouldn't mess with her. I think she could take you."
Brian: -Smiling eerily.- "I'd let her."
Me: -Mysteriously and suggestively.- "But where would she take you? That is the question."
Brian: "It really doesn't matter. Her place, my place . . . Hundreds of possibilities."

(Okay, we have an ongoing pretend-to-be-lesbians joke, so bear with me.)
Middey: "Shawna's my new woman."
Me: -Pretends to be hurt.- "You're leaving me?!"
Middey: "You just couldn't meet my needs."
Me: -Still pretending to be hurt.- "But you were my everything!!"

Bolly: "Would you like some chocolate . . . ? It'll make you sexy!!" -Wiggles eyebrows suggestively.-

all-hail-the-jello,12.4.08=


Sayings:

Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.

You know its going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

"It's always the last place you look." Well, dur!! Why would I keep looking after I found it, smartness!!

my bleeding tears of agony =

10.04.08


If con is the opposite of pro, is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

"It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." --Mark Twain

Always forgive your enemies--nothing annoys them as much.

"Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes."--Lewis Grizzard (I don't remember his name off the top of my head, but it's something along those lines.)

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Join the Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.

panache2005, 10.04.08=


Things I Learned From Twilight!

4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.

british-bella,10.04.08=


My Favourite Quotes and Sayings:

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Education is important. Although school is another matter entirely.

Amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

Music is love in search of words.

Always forgive your enemies, it's the best way to annoy them out of their minds.

I used to be normal, until I met those freaks I now call my best friends.

I ran with scissors and lived!

I don't obsess. I just think intensely.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.

When life gives you lemons, throw them back and demand Edward. =VampireCat3, actually. It just fits better here.=

The knack of flying is attempting to fall . . . and missing the ground.

Somebody needs a happy meal.

I find the phrase "Good Morning" an oxymoron.

Having the love of your life say "we can still be friends," is like your dog dying, and your mom saying you can keep it.

Your just jealous that the little voices are talking to me.

I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friends would talk to me.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

latuacantante00124,10.06.08=


"The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense." - Tom Clancy

lawenforcementcheetah,10.10.08=


“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life . . . You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't the same anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.” - Neil Gaiman

In Loving Memory of JB by VampricFaeryGirl. 10.12.08=


Writing is a socially accepted form of Schizophrenia.

"I dream of a better world where chickens can cross roads without having their motives questioned."

Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires, and he knew it wasn't right, but he lied and told them there was no candy left anyway.

Ha-LoCo, 10.19.08=


To save a life, you need not give it a heartbeat, but a reason for the heart to beat.

CharlotteM, 10.19.08=


(¸.•´ (Doesn't this look cool?)

Mrs Cullen for Life, 10.19.08=

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1904507/VampsofTwatlight

03/28/11, must read their lovable profiles+


Being weird is like being normal, only better.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the sidewalk.

I'm not littering . . . I'm donating to the Earth.

Life is like a pack of gum . . . I've yet to figure out why.

Be insane . . . Because well-behaved girls never made history.

You call me a "B." Well a "B" is a female dog. A dog barks. Bark is on trees. Trees are a part of nature. Nature is beautiful. So thanks for the compliment. :)

My knight in shining armor turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.

Never knock on Death’s door. Ring the doorbell and run away; he hates that.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out.

Last night I looked up at the stars and matched each star to a reason I loved you. I was doing fine 'till I ran out of stars.

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

Person #1: Happiness is just around the corner!
Person #2: Too bad the world is round!

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

sabrinaluvstwilight, 11.1.08=


"They always say that a murderer is a loner; Well, of course he is a loner! HE HAS BEEN KILLING PEOPLE!!"

I may be drunk, but you are ugly and in the morning I will be sober.

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance . . . Baffle them with bullshit!

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

Don't worry about the world ending today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.

One out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.

Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself . . . Where the heck is the ceiling?

The more I learn about people the more I like my dog.

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

"They say 'guns don't kill people; people kill people,' but I think guns help. If you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you would kill too many people. Do you?" --A Flaming Moo

Furtuna,12.31.08=


I'm a little teapot short and stout. Here is my handle here is my . . . Well I’ll be damned. I'm a sugar bowl.

I stay as confused as a gangster with a skateboard.

Chuck Norris has a nightlight--not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Therapist = The/rapist . . . Scary thought.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

"I know water doesn't bite! What a stupid thing to say! Water doesn't have to bite you! You drown in it, you moron!" -Stewie Griffin

Muffins are just ugly cupcakes . . . but we love them anyways.

It is wise to walk a mile in a man's shoes before judging him . . . That way you're a mile away and you have his shoes.

At my lemonade stand I used to give away the first glass for free, and charge five dollars for the refill. It contained the antidote.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

People who say it can't be done should not interrupt those of us who are doing it.

You can't wait for inspiration; you have to go after it with a club.

Asking a writer what he thinks about criticism is like asking a lamppost what it thinks about dogs.

My friends are the type of people who would try to drown a fish, but I love them anyway.

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

Ooooo . . . A life. Where can I download one?

I apologize, do you want me to mean it too?

The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

VampireCat3,11.8.08=


"If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail”. -David Brent-

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I'm not.

The TRUTH is that everyone's going to hurt you . . . You just have to decide who is worth the pain.

"Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, and the lesson afterwards." - Vernon Law

"Right now I have amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before." - Steven Wright

00-edorjake-00,11.22.08=

"Friends are like potatoes. If you eat them, they die."

utterlyabsurd712, 4.28.09=


"I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my super powers."

Palm Reader: -Gasp- "You're going to die. But don't worry, you'll live through it."

"In a world of nonsense, everything something is, it isn't, everything it would be wouldn't, and everything it would be, was."

"Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it . . . "

"I used to care, but I take a pill for that now . . ."

"The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

If the first grape you eat is bitter, then you won't bother eating grapes again. If the first grape you eat is a sweet one, then you are willing to search through all the bitter grapes until you find another sweet one.

Why is it when we're talking to God, we're praying, but whenever God talks to us, we're crazy?

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

As if he never existed,11.22.08=


"She’s like a stink bomb—she’s a sneaky kind of mean, you know?" —When Fiction Becomes Reality.

1.4.09.+


A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.

It's true, Edward Cullen prefers brunettes. Sorry, Barbie you aren't Bella, and Edward isn't your Ken.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Belle Ockely,11.22.08=

". . . Which left Harry free to sit down on the grass between the beech and bushes and watch the foursome under the tree." ~JK Rowling (Harry Potter is downright pornographic when out of context! For more HP innuendos, email me.) Not me. Look below for that.

"Personally, I'd have welcomed a dementor attack. A deadly struggle for my soul would have broken the monotony nicely." ~Sirius

"'. . . when it appears, it is always equipped for the seeker's needs. Dobby has used it, sir,' said the elf, dropping his voice and looking guilty, 'when Wink has been very drunk.'" ~JKR (Ew.) And yet, so funny at the same time . . .

Liveley,11.22.08=


I have super powers. I just don't want to show you.

I'm not random. You just can't think as fast as I do.

Don't flatter yourself. I was looking at your friend.

CrystalBrooke,12.31.08=


"We do not write because we want to, we write because we have to."
-W.Somerset.Morgan

"Everyone thinks they can be a writer. Most people don't understand what's involved. The real writers persevere. The ones that don't either don't have enough fortitude and they probably wouldn't succeed anyway, or they fall in love with the glamour of writing as opposed to the writing of writing."
-Peter McWiliams

"The worst thing that being an artist (writer/painter/musician) could do to you, would be that it would make you slightly unhappy constantly."
-J. D. Salinger

"It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous."
-Robert Benchley

"Writing is the hardest work in the world. I have been a bricklayer and a truck driver, and I tell you — as if you haven't been told a million times already — that writing is harder. Lonelier. And nobler and more enriching."
-Harlan Ellison

"Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards."
-Robert A. Heinlein

"The quality which makes man want to write and be read is essentially a desire for self-exposure and masochism. Like one of those guys who has a compulsion to take his thing out and show it on the street."
-James Jones

"A blank piece of paper is God's way of telling us how hard it to be God."
-Sidney Sheldon

"Writing is so difficult that I feel that writers, having had their hell on earth, will escape all punishment hereafter."
-Jessamyn West

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self."
-Cyril Connolly

“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.”
-Chuck Palahniuk

Daddy's Little Cannibal, 3.28.09.=


I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor"—a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck, my friends, for I may not return alive.

Slinky + Escalator = Endless Fun!

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Nosuchthingashappilyeverafter,11.22.08=


One day, Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: My husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who then yelled, "You stick that god-damned thing in me one more time, and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

Nosuchthingashappilyeverafter,11.22.08=

(I'm Buddhist, but, hey. I know when something is funny.)


"We watched zombies eat people, it was great." - Bella Swan


Top Five Most Annoying Things To Me:

1. Slow Drivers — I don't drive fast: I prefer to call it driving with a purpose.

edwardsoul


You know your stressed out when you can hear mimes.

(On a T-Shirt.) Who are you, and why are you reading my shirt?

A conclusion is what you reach when you get tired of thinking.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary in there!

Normal people worry me.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

People say that I have totally lost it. I wasn't even aware I had it.

SapphireShell91,11.24.08=


Survey

How is your luck at cards?

>When you can calculate the next card, you don't need luck.

You take a trip to the ice-cream parlor. What's the worst that could happen?

>My parents fail to appreciate whipped-cream warfare.

At the mall, you spot your worst enemy before they see you. What would you do?

>Magically disappear . . . into a store.

How do you feel about camping in the woods?
>Nothing like the smell of skunk in the morning.
>The woods always creep me out.

If someone handed you a lump of clay right now, what would you mold it into?
>The school trophy. Will they notice the switch?

If the school bus broke down, why should you stay together?
>"Kumbaya" isn't the same without everyone.

Do you like to try new kinds of food?
>I'd rather watch people taste my cooking. Why? No reason . . .
>As long as I know where it comes from.

How are you at making friends?
>I seem to have bad judgment when it comes to trusting people.

If everyone is staring at you, this means that:
>My description of a wildfire was too graphic.

>"Magic" rocks were not good show-and-tell after all.
>My joke sounded a lot funnier in my head.

12.14.08.+


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in," when it's
only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra
penny going to?

In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

"When I die, I want to go peacefully, like my Grandfather did, in his sleep — not screaming, like the passengers in his car."

"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."

"Cheese . . . Milk's leap toward immortality."

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize. Oh, man . . . I could be eating a slow learner." -Lyndon B. Johnson

ducksrule71821,11.28.08=


"Life is a comedy to those who think, and a tragedy to those who feel." - Horace Walpole

"No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible." - George Burns

Lily Turtle,11.29.08=


(On a shirt.) Abreadcrumb & Fish


. . . So stick it in your juice box and suck it!


The Top Names to Call Your Puppy

1. Adolf

2. Mufasa (See, I know it was Scar that was evil, but I always thought Mufasa sounded so much evil-er . . .)

3. Shithead (shi-thead. How did you think you where supposed to pronounce it?)

4. Killer

5. Ripper


"The hardest part of living is taking breaths to stay."

-Miserable At Best, Mayday Parade.

"If you live to be one hundred, I want to be one hundred minus a day, so I'll never have to live a day without you."

-Winnie The Pooh.

10.3.08.+

"You know it's sad when you try to one-up the Little Engine That Could by saying "I know I can, I know I can." + 10.04.08+

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia. Definition? The fear of long words. Ahh, the irony. +11.12.08+

Life isn't a garden, we don't need hoes.


Okay. I saw these reviews for The Twilight Obsession fan club by darklove4ever, and it was too hilarious; I had to put it up on here.

Ninja Spork - Sporker Stalk...
2008-05-14
ch 4, You cry yourself to sleep because Edward is only real in your imagination! Never! Not true!
You get an in-school suspension for vandalizing the desks with “I LOVE EC FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER” all over the place in every class - then i would have more time to kiss my lovely Edward wanna-be pictures (his too good to be any of them) and sign and dream about him!

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoXoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ninja Spork - Sporker Stalk...
2008-05-14
ch 3, 'then get depressed because you know that none of your favorite characters really exist'
NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO

HOW COULD YOU SAY SUCH AN EVIL AND WRONG THING! breaks down sobbing AH!
What will I do! Please tell me your joking a lame joke! please!
What will I do with my stalking plans... and kidnapping fantasy, and, and...

oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoXoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Ninja Spork - Sporker Stalk...
2008-05-14
ch 1, Or change your name 'legally' to Isabella Swan AND make your husband to be change his to Edward Cullen shifty eyes
Hint - try this "If you loved me, you would! sob sob!"

10.3.08+


(No offense to Lavender Gaia wherever you are. In fact, you are now my idol!)

I love this review. It's plain brutal, and yet you have to agree with at least some of 'Gaia's points. Big G takes time bringing you down in perfect grammatical insults and provides plenty of quotations to prove your incompetence. Many FF writers say they welcome flames, but beware, Lav's lurking somewhere around here to take you down!

Lavender Gaia 2008-01-27 . chapter 1

So, your fic. It's...Well, I've only read the first chapter and I'm not sure if I can handle any more than that. A friend of mine couldn't finish the chapter and I can't blame her. You need to know that you are not the absolute fanfiction God that your delusional reviewers think you are and maybe you can grow in the process as well. If not, at least I'll feel better.

First of all, open to Twilight's first page. Does it say "Bella's P.O.V."? No, it doesn't. No real book would say that because real authors are good enough that they don't have to write that. If you can't write who your narrator is into the prose, then you shouldn't be doing first person. Or writing at all, actually.

"Three years, thirty-six months, one-hundred and fitfty six weeks, one thousand and ninety five days." So...twelve years then? "A duration of time that does not matter to me anymore." This is not a sentence. That's a very long, extended subject. But there's no verb going on there. "Does not" does not count since it's liked to "duration" (a noun) by "that." So an actual verb to make it a sentence? Yeah, it'd help.

"My life was a tale of horrendous nightmares, and horrific stories, that are forever told." Well, of COURSE she doesn't have friends! What's her name, Emo McAngsty? No one wants to hang out with someone who is so freaking depressed all the time. Being a mute doesn't help either.

"More like murdered." Um...dun dun dun? Was that supposed to be climactic?

"It stood alone, just like me... The cold night air was chilly, but I didn’t feel the cold, I never felt the cold." Are you kidding? Why doesn't she just kill herself and get it over with? This is making me wanna cut myself, that's for sure.

"The salt water crystal ran from the rim of my eyes to the base of my chin, where it fell splashing to the ground" I wasn't aware that crystals came from eyes, nor that they could run and splash. I'm pretty sure they fall and crack, since they're solids and that's what makes them crystals.

"3rd Person POV" Again, not needed. I'm pretty sure people will realize by the change of scene, italics and the fact that there's no "I" that it's third person. And what kind of third person is it, exactly? There's more than one kind. By the way, switching point of view? Annoying as hell and a habit you should break now.

Hm, this is interesting. "Her blue irises shed clear tears" I'm not sure about your irises, but mine can't shed tears. My tear ducts can, but my irises just control light. I guess that girl's just MAGIKAL!

As for the rest of the italics... Blah, blah, blah, someone dies. It's bloody, painful, whatever. Why should we care right now? I mean, it sucks that someone died, but don't know who they are, don't know why I should care, so I just don't.

"Chocolate-haired"? So, like, what? Hershey's? Dove? Godiva, perhaps? Does it have almonds too? Love me some chocolate with almonds.

Blah, blah, blah, stuff about her sister. Is her sister gonna be a character? Do we really need to know all about her? And even if we do, there are so many better ways to find out without making a list about it. That gives absolutely no impact on the reader.

"I only broke two of my legs, my left arm, fractured two ribs, lost half a pint of blood" More lists! Stop the lists! Just stop! First of all, this one makes no sense. She has more than two legs? What happened to her left arm? I'm pretty sure you meant "I only broke both of my legs and my left arm, fractured two ribs, etc". Not to mention that it's pretty excessive. Did the brain damage crack her skull? With all that there was no internal bleeding? Were you just listing the only bad things that you know of?

Also... "(thanks to sillylamb who corrected me!x! There are two pints of blood in your body so losing half a pint, I think, is pretty bad)" No. No, you didn't. I want to pretend that you didn't do that because this just crosses over the line from bad to crappy as hell. You do not put author's notes in the middle of the story. Exactly what kind of problem did you have waiting until the end to mention this? The idiocy blows my mind.

"Her payment was much higher then mine, and I had been serving directly under her price, for many years; death." That was pretty useless. We know she's dead. We saw her headstone. The readers are not idiots and do not need you to say it again. Stop treating the readers like invalids.

Other than that, it still makes no sense. From the many mentions of angels, heaven and demons, your narrator seems to be a Christian or at least share the beliefs. So why is she so upset, especially after so long? Yeah, it sucks that her sister died, but she should be happy that her sister has ascended to a better place, not feel sorry for her. KNOW YOUR CHARACTERS! Give them beliefs and stick with it; don't make them hypocrites unless that's a character point. It just makes you look stupid.

"I was stupid, foolish, ugly, hideous, a monstrosity that needed to be locked away." I agree with her here at least.

Why do we need to know what her sister looks like and why does it have to be another stupid list? Does it impact the story in any way? Doubt it. "Eyes that held no significant colour, just dull, a combination of green, blue and brown." Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure that green, blue and brown are all colors. And just what kind of combination is it? Spin art?

So she was beaten every day and no one in the world noticed it? Her sister was sixteen when she died, but she didn't tell anyone she and her sister were being abused? Then they're both idiots. Plus, I'm sure if you were being beaten every day that SOMEONE would notice. There are other people in the world. And no one's stupid enough to think that the injuries from a personal beating are the results of a hit and run. Other people are not as stupid as they are.

Basically, I'm playing the world's saddest song on the world's smallest violin for your original character. Wah wah wah. Suck it up! If you know your father beats you, leave. Break your stupid mute pact and tell someone. It's hard to believe that THIS is the more realistic version. I pity whoever had to see the first one.

Saffron is a wanna be Mary Sue who I'm sure is going to end up being so beautiful, but scarred so someone will have to take care of her because she's an infantile idiot who can't take care of herself. I have no pity or respect for her, or for you as an extension for making her up. And she's gonna be an extremely good singer. Just another thing to check off on the Mary Sue list. Angsty childhood? Check! Abuse? Check! Death of a close friend/relative? Check! Thinks it's her fault? Double check! This fic alone could be used as a litmus test.

Really look at what you're writing here. Is this the kind of person and writing that you want to represent you? Because right now, all you're showing is that you and your character are immature children who want attention.


Some crazy fan review that made me laugh. It's a review for Glitch in the System's 65th chapter in the The Puppet Master. No offense to B&H wherever you are.

ButterfliesxAndxHurricanes
2008-10-09
ch 63,

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE SON! (Not even spelled right. Oh, dear.)

10.09.08+


You'll have to read the story to get this one. Wedding Cake Traditions Gone Wrong by mistresselektra. It's not bad though guys. She has a witty reply contest:

I can't forget Staysa and Weasley Weakness:

Oh, Weasley Weakness is going down. (not like that. get out of the gutter)
Emmett. Is. Mine.
we've been over and over and over this and it just never seems to get through her head.
and I really, really hope Prince Eddie can swim because after that little comment I'm sure one of the best betches will push him over for hurting their DUF...I mean...Bella.
"Always remember a prince said that about you Bella." Oh, She will the next time an assassin comes after you. She will.

Weasley Weakness:

YES. I WIN.
AND SO DOES STAYSA.
As it should be. We're quite fantastic.
Generovia Royalty on the other hand... not so fantastic...
Edward "letting Bella down easy," crushed my soul. So I will now offer to service Emmett in bathroom stalls. Or whereever he may feel like droppin' trou.
'Sides... A big oaf body guard is probably more my level. In inteligence.. and financially.. And I'll take 'em, whatever I can get..
But a word of advice to Eddie.
MAYBE IF HE'D LET BELLA SERVICE HIM NEAR THE URINALS HE'D BE A LITTLE LESS UPTIGHT AND A LITTLE MORE RELAXED AND A LITTLE LESS SECKSUALLY FRUSTRATED AND A LITTLE MORE HAPPY.
And I'd be a little more happy too.
K. Love you. Bye.

10.10.08+


Fun Fact: If you were to paste this on Word, these words would currently reside on the 45th page, as of the 14th of December, 2008.

As of 12.31.08, this is 57 pages long . . . I congratulate anyone who got this far. It is a daunting feat.

29 May 2009. – 66 pages long people, 66 pages. Be awed as am I.


Must Reads Told By A Master Fan-Fictioneer

(Now, you've all seen Fan Fiction Lovers put up lists like this . . . But I think I've got this department down far better than many . . . I've scrolled past over a thousand and read over six hundred of that enough to get a good idea of what's triumphant in terms of writing. Trust me when I say I know what I'm talking about here—below. You won't be disappointed by the quality.)

Hydraulic Level 5 by Gondolier

Tropic of Virgo by In.a.blue.bathrobe

Wide Awake by AngstGoddess003

When Fiction Becomes Reality by BITTENEV

Eye of the Storm by Shaps

Shes a Dreamer by Captain Libeka

Such a Pretty Girl by the indifferent child of earth

The Puppet Master by Glitch in the System

Well This Sucks: Life According to Seth Clearwater by Krum Cake

(Now, I admit, some of these haven't been reviewed after a while . . . So pardon my mistake in placing them here, but you have to admit, I've put up a pretty impressive list altogether. You won't get better anywhere else . . . and if you can, well, then I want to see that damn list and get schooled properly!)

Cascade and Cyanide by americnxidiot almost certainly deserves to be put on this list . . . but I can't remember enough to be sure. So this will be my iffy pile.


I confess, it gets boring after this.


I'm mentioned in the following stories: I'll Be Watching You by TwilightSagaLover543,The Last Night by xx.nikteche, My Beloved Window by Muff'Nbutter, Through Your Eyes by Megsly, New American Classic by the lovely CGarman, and Wedding Cake Tradition Gone Wrong by mistresselektra.


Countries That Have Hit My Profile:

>Australia >Belgium >Brazil >Brunei >Canada >China >Egypt >Finland >Germany >India >Indonesia >Ireland >Japan >Malaysia >Mexico >Netherlands >Philippines >Portugal >Romania >Saudi Arabia >Singapore >Sweden >United Kingdom >United States of America >Viet Nam


Countries That Have Hit My Story:

>Canada >Hungary >Lithuania >Norway >Philippines >Poland >Turkey >United Kingdom >United States of America


Countries That Have Hit My Community:

>Australia >Belgium >Canada >Finland >France >Germany >India >Ireland >Netherlands >New Zealand >Philippines >Portugal >Russia >Singapore >South Africa >Sweden >United Kingdom >United States of America


If you ever get a review from me, know that the series of numbers is my way of counting the amount of reviews I've done . . .

The longest review I've ever left was "Review: 4149 characters"

-- Scratch that. It is now: "Review: 3336 characters." -10.31.08

The Number of People Who Do Not Bother Reading All of This to Find Out About the Series of Numbers:

1. not done baking

2. oxcrushhed

3. purplecow1225 (Now dontxbexstupid1995)

4. sabrinaluvstwilight

5. Stealthmuffin.

6. Opague. (Sorry, hun. Had to put you in. You asked . . .) 11.21.08.

Just kidding. But it's funny how many people ask. Call it an experiment, as you will . . .


This may be the only tidbit of information I will ever give, but let me tell you something. If you send me an open-ended question, or a sarcastic comment, I will answer, so beware. (Okay, that sounds a tad creepy, but I have my reasons.)


Random Messages I'm Too Attached to to Delete.

sargent11! I love you! You've added yourself to my community's subscriber list! This is great! I thought my community was crap!

-Highlands, 1.5.09.

Vietnam! You've come! That's so cool! (I'm Asian, yes. I'm Vietnamese, yes.) Thank you, thank you. Come again. And Sweden, I'm sorry. This message has been dominated by Viet. But in comparison, I was totally more excited by Viets. No offense. I think you're cool too. With your Swiss cheese and all that . . . I mean, I eat it every day . . . (I kidding, just in case you were 'bout to start a war over that, since I know my influence is totally dominating FF now and FF is slowing invading the world . . . ). Rant over.

-Highlands, 1.18.09.

So the poll is useless, because I figured out HOW to tell how many people have visited it. But still. It looks cooler with one, I think, so I'll just leave it up there. That poll will now have a new purpose; who is unlazy enough to actually vote . . . (I had another one; only 5 people bothered to vote. : )

-Highlands, 10.15.08.

"How many people have visited my profile? Vote to add yourself, please. I'd like to know." Is what my first poll said. Only eight of the 200 people who visited answered. Ahh, the idleness of society . . .

-Highlands, 11.01.08

Well, Yeah! Psh, don't you wish you were me? I'm so good, I can get to be a favourite author without posting any stories! Yeah! (Thanks for that, deadgoddess, by the way. You rock!)

-Highlands, 9.18.08.

Dang. Fan Fiction will be the death of my high school career. Damn you amazing Fan Fic authors!

-Highlands, 9.23.08.

I wonder when I'll finally have too many words on here. Note to self: Keep on putting up information on here and see when it's an overload. Mess with the poor, nerdy FanFiction workers' minds.

-Highlands, 10.3.08.

Woo! I have another fan! Beat that! (Without being a Twilight author, of course. And having a random story you did for some English class.) Thanks goes out to my bleeding tears of agony.

-Highlands, 10.04.08

Fan three, guys. I don't know when that happened, pero I do know it happened between three days ago and today. So . . . I would like to give a shout out to VampricFaeryGirl for making my day . . .

-Highlands, 10.15.08.

Hello to the new country citizens of the Netherlands, Romania, and Portugal.

-Highlands, 3.28.09.

Woot, woot! I have another fan! Alice'sGuineaPig! She'll even be co-additioning to my community.

-Highlands, 3.7.09.

Rest in peace, Daddy's Little Cannibal.

-Highlands, 05.09.09.

Guys, I just proposed to the-love-of-my-life CGarman on the seventeenth. We met on FF. And she said yes! I love ya, C. ; ) Check out her stories: You'll love her, too. But she's mine. :)

-Highlands, 10.19.08.

(By the way, she makes the universe expand (with love!) with her insane writing skills. It'll be the tragedy of the decade if you miss any word she says! READ HER STUFF!)

Here's to the tragic demise of two of my favourite authors: Lianna Weschester and rubia1516 and others, who have deleted many of my favourite stories . . .


I'm always impressed that anybody spends a good portion of their time on my profile. It's quite the amount. I know that whenever I review over it, I am a little daunted by the quantity of it. Who knows what goes through your head when you decide to read all of this. (Scary!) I commend your dedication on reading this far. :)


Thank you for reading!

Key: + is additions by me purely. = is additions other FF authors had.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Evening Falls by Ava Sinclair reviews
Elisa was once an everyday Twilight fangirl, but now, inexplicably, she's become a part of Edward and Bella's world. Her struggle to fit into her new life, however, may become a fight to survive that neither she nor Bella may win...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 283,257 - Reviews: 611 - Favs: 216 - Follows: 239 - Updated: 3/20 - Published: 5/9/2008
Hot For A Teacher by Katerina Petrova Salvatore reviews
Beautiful and popular among her peers, Isabella Swan's life has always been superficial and easy. In an alternate universe, her parents' money can buy her everything and everyone she wants. Too bad the new hot teacher is out of her league for reasons more than one. This love, she's going to have to work for. BxE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,445 - Reviews: 2076 - Favs: 1,214 - Follows: 1,200 - Updated: 3/11 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Bella, Edward, Jasper
New American Classic by CGarman reviews
When Edward gets word of his ex girlfriends death he also learns about his three year old daughter he never knew about. Unsure of how to proceed he talks to a lawyer, Isabella Swan. How will his life change now that he can call himself a dad? All Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 39 - Words: 148,577 - Reviews: 1264 - Favs: 643 - Follows: 746 - Updated: 3/3 - Published: 10/8/2008 - Complete
Sacrifices by Enthralled reviews
When Edward left Bella, he did so in the hopes that she would have a happy, human life. What would happen if she did just that, but it turned out that things didn't go as either of them planned? Edward & Bella AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 59 - Words: 322,466 - Reviews: 5793 - Favs: 3,797 - Follows: 2,847 - Updated: 12/22/2013 - Published: 12/10/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Tropic of Virgo by In.a.blue.bathrobe reviews
He's a young but jaded musician writing lyrics for his band, and she's a naive, frustrated poet looking to break out of her shell; their words collide online. What happens when they meet in high school, unaware of their literary connection?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 38 - Words: 150,800 - Reviews: 19952 - Favs: 12,647 - Follows: 5,324 - Updated: 9/9/2013 - Published: 3/4/2009 - Complete
Legacy by AutumnDreamer reviews
Edward is used to living life as a solitary teenager until he moves to Washington & reluctantly makes friends. When everything seems to be going right, his world is torn apart by a long-kept secret that leaves him questioning everything he’s ever known.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 46 - Words: 311,350 - Reviews: 2691 - Favs: 1,278 - Follows: 1,413 - Updated: 6/1/2013 - Published: 10/28/2008 - Edward
Edward Vs the Toddler by Butterscotch82 reviews
Ch.1: Edward faces his toughest--or at least, his most annoying--adversary yet, in the form of a two-year-old. Post Twilight . Ch. 2: Find out how Edward and Bella handle Nessie when she takes on some of Eddie's less charming traits. Post Breaking Dawn .
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,870 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 558 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 12/26/2012 - Published: 6/28/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Madman's Mercy by Amethyst Jackson reviews
New Moon AU - After leaving Bella, Edward gradually loses control of his ability. When he is led to believe that she is dead, Edward cracks, leaving Bella as the only one who can pick up the pieces. Co-written with Jacyevans.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 14 - Words: 55,639 - Reviews: 2667 - Favs: 2,474 - Follows: 2,750 - Updated: 12/13/2012 - Published: 4/9/2009 - Bella, Edward
The Puppet Master by Glitch in the System reviews
What's eating Paul? What's with that flame on the water? What was Laurent doing just standing in Edward and Bella's meadow? Why does Edward care about Mike's car? Why doesn't Alice know about her past? Cammy knows.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 86 - Words: 459,087 - Reviews: 4703 - Favs: 1,875 - Follows: 1,564 - Updated: 12/13/2012 - Published: 3/24/2008
To Love Again by Sweet Little Bullet reviews
When 23 year old Alice loses her husband, she thinks her life too has come to an end. So when the mysterious and sometimes infuriating Jasper Hale enters her life, will she push him away like she has so many others or will she be able to love again? OOC/A
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 86,697 - Reviews: 1282 - Favs: 425 - Follows: 252 - Updated: 11/24/2012 - Published: 11/10/2008 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
The Nanny by Orchid Child reviews
It was a mistake all Bella wanted was directions to NYU but Edward mistakes her for the new nanny. Quiting doesn't matter anymore since his kids have taken a liking to her and her to them. And it helps when your employer is a living Adonis. AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 68,013 - Reviews: 1653 - Favs: 1,330 - Follows: 1,699 - Updated: 7/8/2012 - Published: 2/20/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Dark Dance of Temptation by stupid shiny volvo driver reviews
Nominated July 2008 for BEST POV at The Twilight Awards site. AU. Edward challenges his willpower in more ways than one as he and Bella move closer and closer to a wedding that may never be. Edward's POV of 'Becoming Whole'.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 24 - Words: 151,510 - Reviews: 806 - Favs: 1,278 - Follows: 473 - Updated: 6/8/2012 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Complete
Bonne Foi by Amethyst Jackson reviews
AU. Edward Masen was changed in 1918 and abandoned by his sire. He feeds on human blood, unaware of any other way…until he stumbles across college freshman Bella Swan for a night that will change everything.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 169,901 - Reviews: 14455 - Favs: 10,161 - Follows: 7,824 - Updated: 5/8/2012 - Published: 11/6/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Inevitable by Endlessly Drowning reviews
It's been seventy five years since Edward left Bella in Forks. Now the family has decided it's time to return. What will they find when they get there? And how will Edward deal with the pain?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 43,921 - Reviews: 2149 - Favs: 2,117 - Follows: 817 - Updated: 4/24/2012 - Published: 10/29/2007 - Complete
Change of Heart by ebtwisty9 reviews
All Bowser wanted was a good Birthday. All Peach thought she wanted was some time away from life. What she got may have changed her mind...about everything she's ever known. BowserxPeach with LuigixDaisy, KammyxKamek, koopalings, and others.
Mario - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 51 - Words: 267,049 - Reviews: 1082 - Favs: 367 - Follows: 248 - Updated: 4/23/2012 - Published: 3/10/2006 - Bowser, Peach
The Fallout by OCDindeed reviews
March 16/06 the world the Cullens knew ended. Faith, hope & love are powerful things. Edward finds out how powerful they are when he loses the one person who made his life worth living. Not just an E/B story. Entire Cullen clan is here, each with their own hardships. Set during a post-apocalyptic nuclear war. Try the Prologue before passing judgment. You might be surprised! NM/AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 325,178 - Reviews: 6507 - Favs: 4,187 - Follows: 3,158 - Updated: 3/24/2012 - Published: 3/24/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Marble Angel by TwilightSnowStar reviews
What happens when Isabella Swan goes walking in the woods and finds a strange statue? And why can't she stop thinking about it? MUCH better than it sounds. Rated T for safety.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,311 - Reviews: 89 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 2/18/2012 - Published: 12/21/2006 - Bella, Edward
Whispers of Promise by Vivacie reviews
Is it right to be with the person you love or the person you were meant to be with? Evie finds herself living in La Push, secrets surround her, Twilight is real, and what she thought wasn't possible is. Werewolf/OC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 39 - Words: 150,743 - Reviews: 625 - Favs: 344 - Follows: 200 - Updated: 1/17/2012 - Published: 6/4/2008 - Paul, Seth - Complete
For the love of a King by magan bagan reviews
Bella Swan was leading a pretty normal life. A couple months shy of her eighteenth birthday, she learns her parents made a deal with the king of England. Now she's forced to move there and to meet the prince, Edward Cullen. What's his secret? All human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 29 - Words: 101,806 - Reviews: 3174 - Favs: 4,494 - Follows: 3,445 - Updated: 12/31/2011 - Published: 10/14/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Welcome to Drama Academy by twilightluver001 reviews
All the girls in East Coast Academy wanted one thing- the king, the playboy of the school,EDWARD CULLEN. What happens when the beautiful Isabella arrives and Edward is determined to make her his? Will she fall for the playboy? All HUMAN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,055 - Reviews: 13041 - Favs: 6,217 - Follows: 2,778 - Updated: 11/7/2011 - Published: 12/31/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Art After 5 by sleepyvalentina reviews
Bella Swan had life figured out until she met sixteen-year-old Edward Cullen. A few months and an intense emotional connection later, she finds herself on a journey toward self acceptance while questioning everything she'd previously accepted as true.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 55 - Words: 130,382 - Reviews: 12077 - Favs: 5,017 - Follows: 3,085 - Updated: 11/5/2011 - Published: 4/29/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Vampire in the Basement by michellephants reviews
While hunting one afternoon, the boys stumble upon what appears to be a corpse. When they learn it's a severely broken vampire, they take him home to do what they can to help. But of course, fate has plans for this man. Canon Couples. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 164,189 - Reviews: 11408 - Favs: 8,714 - Follows: 6,546 - Updated: 10/30/2011 - Published: 2/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Bored of Eternity by xx-twilight7-xx reviews
The Cullens, including Bella, are bored out of their minds. There are too many random things to describe. How much fun can you get up to with the Wii, toothbrushes, llamas, evil Jasper, fake blood and much more? Canon Pairings. Extreme OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 48 - Words: 115,332 - Reviews: 1044 - Favs: 244 - Follows: 133 - Updated: 10/6/2011 - Published: 7/14/2008 - Complete
Shes a Dreamer by Captain Libeka reviews
Bella is a dreamer. She dreams, sees and hears more than the average human. Particularly when it comes to a certain bronze haired boy. She is determined to find out his secrets. But Bella has a secret herself, Bella can read Edward's mind. ABANDONED
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 11 - Words: 36,963 - Reviews: 327 - Favs: 299 - Follows: 374 - Updated: 8/21/2011 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Welcome to the Real World by twilightluver001 reviews
Sequel to "Welcome to Drama Academy". As Bella and Edward continue pursuing their careers, they find life isn't as easy as they thought it would be. How will they overcome the pressure from work and family together? Takes place 6 years after Drama Academy
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 30 - Words: 163,948 - Reviews: 5856 - Favs: 2,664 - Follows: 2,518 - Updated: 8/20/2011 - Published: 9/27/2008 - Complete
When Fiction Becomes Reality by BITTENEV reviews
Bella is a writer whose most successful book is one she wrote about Edward, her high school crush. Edward is now an A-list actor and has signed on to star in a movie based on Bella's creation. AU/AH Bella-of-the-Ball continuation.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 157,715 - Reviews: 8100 - Favs: 8,048 - Follows: 8,318 - Updated: 8/3/2011 - Published: 12/9/2008 - Bella, Edward
15 Things To Do At Walmart Cullen Style by twilighters-anonymous reviews
Ever get those annoying, yet funny chain e-mails that say stuff like “15 Things To Do At Walmart”? This is what happens when Bella gets one and decides to enlist the Cullens to help her actually do them!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,843 - Reviews: 341 - Favs: 265 - Follows: 184 - Updated: 7/14/2011 - Published: 7/10/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Premonition by isabellamasen02 reviews
I am Edward Cullen and this is my journal. She died. I've been trying to move on but time wouldn't. I'm stuck on the same freaking day that it kills me. I'm not crazy, but this situation isn't sane either. E x B. All human but it may change... RR w/ LOVE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,762 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 6/27/2011 - Published: 9/22/2008 - Edward, Bella
In A Month: Sweep Any Girl Off Her Feet by BritishBitches reviews
Trying to catch her attention? Want to make a good impression on that special lady? Or just want to improve your social skills when dealing with the opposite sex? Well, you've found the right book! We're here to help! AH ExB RxEm AxJ
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 35 - Words: 82,774 - Reviews: 1447 - Favs: 695 - Follows: 868 - Updated: 6/18/2011 - Published: 9/3/2008 - Edward, Bella
Haunting Moon by GoldenEyess reviews
Bella has never been ordinary. She thrives being an independent young woman, or at least that is how she appears. Finding herself in the middle of an epic battle between vampires and werewolves, she has to make a choice... Which side will she choose? AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 90,553 - Reviews: 481 - Favs: 174 - Follows: 208 - Updated: 6/15/2011 - Published: 6/24/2008
Misconception by FirstSight reviews
Alice is taking Bella on yet another one of her shopping expeditions. But to Bella's intense surprise, Edward & Jasper have been dragged along, too. As they reach Seattle & begin shopping, Edward notices something that he somehow failed to notice before.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Horror - Chapters: 13 - Words: 13,973 - Reviews: 150 - Favs: 83 - Follows: 146 - Updated: 3/6/2011 - Published: 4/10/2008
New Beginning by don'teatmycookie reviews
Bella uses Edward's laptop to start a journal.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 128,459 - Reviews: 1698 - Favs: 930 - Follows: 874 - Updated: 2/12/2011 - Published: 1/31/2008
When She Smiles by l'heure bleue reviews
Alice and Jasper have always been friends. First kiss at five, ”I love you” at six — and a terrible tragedy before they'd even begun high school. Can the love the share overcome the fear, and the pain? ”Daddy," he cried. ”Don't hurt me…” — COTN SIDE-STORY
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 59,639 - Reviews: 5442 - Favs: 1,061 - Follows: 1,166 - Updated: 1/14/2011 - Published: 1/18/2009 - Alice, Jasper
Forbidden Fruit by Taters7 reviews
Bella Swan mother Died when Bella was just 2 years old. Now living with a father that beats her and having a crush or maybe even in love with her English teacher Edward Cullen Bella dosnt know what to do, What will her teacher do to help her. All human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 26 - Words: 29,789 - Reviews: 1197 - Favs: 658 - Follows: 373 - Updated: 1/3/2011 - Published: 2/12/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Love Shall Ever Live Young extras by Starshinedown reviews
A collection of one-shots and shorts that accompany Aengus and My Love Shall Ever Live Young. Chapter 1 is "Her" which was previously a stand alone one-shot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,554 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 12/10/2010 - Published: 10/5/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
A Future in the Past by Sweet Emotion reviews
Bella is able to go back to the year 1918. She meets Edward and they fall in love. When she is forced back to her own century, thinking he's died, she discovers some big surprises when she exiles herself to Forks.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 98,565 - Reviews: 1366 - Favs: 1,233 - Follows: 1,184 - Updated: 11/28/2010 - Published: 6/27/2008 - Bella, Edward
Sweet Relief by Miss Snazzy reviews
Bella couldn’t take the pain anymore and decided to kill herself. But what will happen when she fails and sees Edward at school the following day? Will that be enough to prevent another attempt? Rated for dark themes. AU for New Moon. Slightly OOC.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 28 - Words: 77,087 - Reviews: 1087 - Favs: 410 - Follows: 507 - Updated: 11/23/2010 - Published: 5/16/2009 - Bella, Edward
Holding Out For You by ObsessingOverEdward reviews
After her divorce, Bella starts a new life with her son. She soon meets a handsome doctor, who is dealing with his own loss and is struggling to raise his two kids. It's a story of finding strength during adversity and learning to love again
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,803 - Reviews: 18531 - Favs: 7,762 - Follows: 3,726 - Updated: 11/16/2010 - Published: 11/20/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Counterpoint by sleepyvalentina reviews
Socially isolated and intellectually brilliant, sixteen-year-old Edward Cullen has never found a person outside of his family with whom he could connect, until a chance encounter changed everything. Part of the Art After 5 universe.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 54 - Words: 164,956 - Reviews: 9728 - Favs: 3,414 - Follows: 2,215 - Updated: 11/4/2010 - Published: 6/15/2009 - Complete
If Twilight Was a Bit More Honest by North American Scum reviews
This is a slight reworking of the first book of the "Twilight Saga" without all the purple prose, sickening Edward worship, and general bullcrap.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,271 - Reviews: 195 - Favs: 115 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 10/9/2010 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Bella, Edward
Pursuit of Gaiety by LollyPopZz reviews
AU Isabella Swan has always dreamed of becoming a famous pianist. She transfers to Forks Boys' High School under the name of Isaac Swan in hopes of making her dream a reality. There, she meets another pianist, a beautiful, mysterious boy, Edward Cullen.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 26,678 - Reviews: 959 - Favs: 412 - Follows: 246 - Updated: 9/29/2010 - Published: 1/10/2008 - Complete
My Love Shall Ever Live Young by Starshinedown reviews
The sequel to Aengus. When the love of your life is a god who holds grudges like no one you've ever met and is eyeballs deep in mythological intrigue, a fairytale ending can be hard to reach. All human. Rated M for a reason!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 87,958 - Reviews: 648 - Favs: 566 - Follows: 491 - Updated: 8/27/2010 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Secret Prophecies by bexi21 reviews
A prophecy can be an interesting little thing, especially when it pertains to Bella Swan. AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Angst - Chapters: 29 - Words: 167,693 - Reviews: 1013 - Favs: 665 - Follows: 752 - Updated: 8/26/2010 - Published: 11/29/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Foreign Hottie by blackxout reviews
Edward Cullen is a foreign exchange student from London who comes to live with the Swans for a whole year. Bella Swan couldn’t be anymore upset over the fact that a boy has to share a room with her. Could her feelings toward him ever change? OOC.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 46,181 - Reviews: 4973 - Favs: 2,629 - Follows: 2,778 - Updated: 8/12/2010 - Published: 4/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Sapphire Amulet by ebtwisty9 reviews
AU: Ship watcher Bella is kidnapped onto a pirate ship where the captain, Edward, had sworn to never let a woman except for his family to set foot. Can Bella prove her worth? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 70,252 - Reviews: 1914 - Favs: 1,561 - Follows: 1,026 - Updated: 7/29/2010 - Published: 3/30/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Sunrise by BlueSea14 reviews
Twilight in Edward's point of view. Completed June 2010
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 42 - Words: 335,515 - Reviews: 2158 - Favs: 2,236 - Follows: 1,094 - Updated: 6/21/2010 - Published: 9/30/2006 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Conversations with Emmett by Ranma15177 reviews
While Edward is away hunting Bella plans to spend time learning everything there is to know about Emmett, and through him more about Edward. However, Tanya comes and disrupts the bonding. Hilarity ensues! "What do you mean he was naked?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 9 - Words: 29,546 - Reviews: 796 - Favs: 777 - Follows: 869 - Updated: 5/20/2010 - Published: 3/9/2008
Fate Is Bothersome by Opague reviews
He was her savior and promised her marriage when she was only 6. Now fate has brought them together again. Does that promise still stand 9 years later? Even if they each have different plans? Is this misfortune or bothersome fate?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 42 - Words: 167,857 - Reviews: 545 - Favs: 203 - Follows: 204 - Updated: 5/18/2010 - Published: 3/13/2007
Hard to Concentrate by CGarman reviews
SEQUEL TO COFFEE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER! As marriage starts being the next step Bella and Edward decide to take a step back from the norm. Joy, heartache, and love! All Human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 79,053 - Reviews: 1113 - Favs: 513 - Follows: 734 - Updated: 5/14/2010 - Published: 10/24/2008
Flight 2804 by movieandbookgirl reviews
Edward is a US Air Marshal working to protect our country from air attacks. Bella is a flight attendant on one of the flights he's monitoring. What happens when he can't get her off of his mind? Can he protect her and an entire flight from imminent danger
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 50,574 - Reviews: 390 - Favs: 567 - Follows: 349 - Updated: 5/5/2010 - Published: 9/8/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Ready Made Family by MyLion.MyLamb reviews
After meeting twin bronze haired little boys Bella is forced to come to terms with her past. Can she accept & forgive her past & see what's in front of her to seal her fate. . .
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 43 - Words: 153,087 - Reviews: 5430 - Favs: 3,534 - Follows: 2,673 - Updated: 5/2/2010 - Published: 3/19/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
I Hate Myself For Loving You by halojones reviews
Bella's ready to bust out of her shell in college with roomie Alice. She meets the dazzling but rakish Edward, but is warned of his less than angelic ways. Will B/A be just another notch in the belt for J/E, or will they teach the boys a lesson or two?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 60 - Words: 239,525 - Reviews: 10013 - Favs: 7,379 - Follows: 6,087 - Updated: 4/19/2010 - Published: 3/28/2008
My Beloved Window by Muff'Nbutter reviews
When Bella moves to Forks, she's surprised that there's someone living in the house across from hers... and even more so that her window faces directly into someone else's! AU, all human BxE all the way... enjoy! Nominated 4 times at The Twilight Awards!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 71,700 - Reviews: 1299 - Favs: 1,033 - Follows: 1,101 - Updated: 4/12/2010 - Published: 4/13/2008 - Bella, Edward
Hear No Evil by BlueSea14 reviews
After over a hundred years alone, a deaf vampire Bella finds the Cullen family. With no memory of her human past, and no way to communicate with the world, how can they help her? Canon.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 97,077 - Reviews: 1568 - Favs: 2,136 - Follows: 781 - Updated: 4/9/2010 - Published: 6/15/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Only Human by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Complete. A wish sends Bella back in time to Chicago, 1918, and to a human Edward. This story is baby-free.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 28 - Words: 60,635 - Reviews: 5896 - Favs: 9,439 - Follows: 2,417 - Updated: 4/7/2010 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Once upon a December by Wish-Eleven reviews
Bella just moved to Forks when she meets a group of unlikely kids…. will friendship blossom or perhaps something more. All human…. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 60 - Words: 77,201 - Reviews: 1273 - Favs: 516 - Follows: 394 - Updated: 4/5/2010 - Published: 7/26/2007 - Complete
Boxers Or Briefs by passionfornight reviews
The most important question. Boxers Or Breifs?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 10,479 - Reviews: 236 - Favs: 206 - Follows: 134 - Updated: 3/28/2010 - Published: 7/5/2006 - Bella, Edward - Complete
24 Girls In Seven Days by Child-Of-God13 reviews
Co-written by imma vampire. Edward is dared to date 24 girls in 7 days. A bet is put in place. What happens when Alice and Rosalie sign Bella up and she ends up being girl number 23? Will she be able to steal the heart of Forks Highs' player? All Human
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,312 - Reviews: 209 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 190 - Updated: 3/15/2010 - Published: 10/3/2008 - Edward, Bella
Alphabet Weekends by the-glory-days reviews
Bored with their dismal love lives, best friends Edward and Bella come up with the idea of exploring the world of sex using the alphabet for the next twenty-six weekends. What happens when things go from two friends having fun to something serious? AH OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 34 - Words: 124,991 - Reviews: 11375 - Favs: 10,775 - Follows: 5,710 - Updated: 3/13/2010 - Published: 3/12/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Private Tutor by creampuffsteph reviews
Bella takes a chance and goes to school far from where she's used to. But what happens when her extremely good looking TA seems to despise her for no reason? My first fanfic, be gentle please. all human, bxe, axj, rxem
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 41 - Words: 234,248 - Reviews: 5392 - Favs: 5,207 - Follows: 2,616 - Updated: 2/17/2010 - Published: 7/16/2008 - Complete
Mythical Fusion by EdwardIsMyLover reviews
Bella is something special. She's known ever since she was 13, though she's never told anyone. What happens when she's sent to Forks and meets another mythical creature, a vampire, Edward.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 34,513 - Reviews: 1218 - Favs: 1,105 - Follows: 1,213 - Updated: 2/15/2010 - Published: 6/1/2007
Apres Moi, Le Deluge by Amethyst Jackson reviews
PAUSED. AU - After an unfortunate incident, Harry is turned into a vampire. Ignores DH. Harry/Hermione.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 17,240 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 209 - Follows: 276 - Updated: 1/31/2010 - Published: 10/23/2008 - Harry P., Hermione G.
Camarilla by Annilaia reviews
It was always just Bella and her mother, before Edward moved into town. Their group of friends have an amazing summer, full of adventures and disappointments. How many times will Bella reject Edward, before she realises they're made for each other. AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 12 - Words: 44,756 - Reviews: 884 - Favs: 435 - Follows: 541 - Updated: 1/24/2010 - Published: 4/16/2008 - Edward, Bella
In Love and Music by Saiyachick reviews
-:-1890 London-:-Edward Cullen was the finest pianist in Pierce Academy that was until he met the equally gifted Isabella Swan. In this defiant girl he found a rival, and most unexpected, love. With ghosts haunting them from their past, how can they heal?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 8 - Words: 33,917 - Reviews: 701 - Favs: 423 - Follows: 689 - Updated: 1/20/2010 - Published: 11/13/2007 - Bella, Edward
Songs That Remind You Of Twilight! by EmbraceHappiness reviews
have you ever heard of songs that made you remind you of Twilight? well then review if you have any songs or also PM me
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 167 - Words: 49,837 - Reviews: 137 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 1/3/2010 - Published: 8/29/2008 - Complete
Adamantium by imawesome34 reviews
Bella is a special person, not exactly human. She moves to Forks and meets the Cullens. How do the vampire and mutant world mix? Marvel and SM own all. E/B J/A E/R E/C If youve seen xmen youll get the title
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 15 - Words: 14,791 - Reviews: 347 - Favs: 224 - Follows: 171 - Updated: 12/12/2009 - Published: 5/18/2009 - Bella, Edward
Ithaca is Gorges by giselle-lx reviews
New Moon from Carlisle's and Edward's POV: After the Cullens leave Bella and move to Ithaca, NY, Carlisle fights to keep his family together as Edward's pain threatens to tear them apart. Canon.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 121,988 - Reviews: 2316 - Favs: 1,816 - Follows: 690 - Updated: 12/7/2009 - Published: 4/12/2009 - Carlisle - Complete
Well, This Sucks: Life According to Seth by Krum Cake reviews
Peek into the intimate pages of Seth Clearwater's man-journal as he complains about life, love, and teenage shape-shifter angst. Post BD, canon-compliant, rating for language and sex humor...because Seth is a teenage boy.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 12 - Words: 53,039 - Reviews: 1112 - Favs: 908 - Follows: 799 - Updated: 12/4/2009 - Published: 9/1/2008 - Seth
Love is truly Blind by kotaxvampire reviews
Edward was born blind and, Carlisle and Esme adopted him as a seven year old. Well that's not all read the story, I'm a little tired of Edward always being perfect and Bella being the not perfect one so I throw this story out to you R&R! Thanks
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 27,597 - Reviews: 657 - Favs: 297 - Follows: 373 - Updated: 11/22/2009 - Published: 2/18/2008
Up to Speed by ericastwilight reviews
Race car driver Edward Cullen has wrecked his car again. In desperate need of sponsors his team take on a brilliant engineer, Bella Swan. Besides trying to win the Sprint Cup, Edward finds himself racing for Bella's heart. Editing in process.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 39 - Words: 145,663 - Reviews: 3213 - Favs: 3,309 - Follows: 1,851 - Updated: 11/18/2009 - Published: 8/20/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
What a Horror! by Ereeen reviews
AU/Human. Bella is finally comfortable with her life. Dream job, great friends, one amazing guy friend, everything seems perfect. That is until Edward Cullen decides to reappear. All usual pairings, though R/EM and A/J won't be featured until later chaps
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 34,563 - Reviews: 981 - Favs: 679 - Follows: 897 - Updated: 10/25/2009 - Published: 6/14/2008
It's Better When I Bleed For You by xxSiLvErDrAgOnxx reviews
When Laurent and Bella cross paths in the meadow, Alice sees that Bella doesn't manage to escape before Laurent attacks her and all goes black. But what Alice can't see is the arrival of the pack, interupting Laurent's meal. 80 years later in Chicago...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 13 - Words: 68,693 - Reviews: 1915 - Favs: 2,399 - Follows: 2,398 - Updated: 10/4/2009 - Published: 5/22/2008
Southern Star by The Jaide Ninja Spork reviews
Edward’s life spins off in a completely different direction during his "rebel years". Will fate still bring him to Bella, or is he destined to live without her forever? Delightfully dark Edward. ExB - looking for a beta-reader.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,171 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 9/20/2009 - Published: 10/10/2008 - Edward, Bella
Out of My Mind by bexi21 reviews
When Edward left Bella in Forks, his intention was to protect her from himself. But leaving her ignited something no one ever foresaw, not even Alice. Because of his decision, he’s killing her. Can Bella be saved before she's lost to Edward forever?OOC,AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 68,082 - Reviews: 470 - Favs: 359 - Follows: 450 - Updated: 9/17/2009 - Published: 8/25/2008 - Bella, Edward
Supernatural by Clear Plastic reviews
Bella talks to the dead. Or rather, the dead talk to her. She's the one that all ghosts go to when they need help to 'move on'. So what happens when she meets an exceedingly attractive ghost in her new home who, apparently, doesn't want her help?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 27,817 - Reviews: 538 - Favs: 258 - Follows: 344 - Updated: 9/14/2009 - Published: 9/15/2008 - Bella, Edward
You Had Me At Hello by summerg94 reviews
Bella, an orphan forced to work in a strip club has had many tragedies in her past. She soon meets son of wealthy business man, Edward Cullen who is interested in buying the place. They instantly connect but can she trust herself to ever love again? BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 23 - Words: 64,719 - Reviews: 2434 - Favs: 1,447 - Follows: 1,351 - Updated: 8/29/2009 - Published: 12/25/2007 - Bella, Edward
Cullenary Educaton: Forks Sex Ed by MarcyJ reviews
Set at the End of Bella's Junior Year. Hilarity ensues when the Forks Gang is forced to endure Sex Education class with Coach Clapp. Chapter 1 is Jasper POV, and each subsequent chapter is from the perspective of a different character.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 22,726 - Reviews: 2122 - Favs: 3,528 - Follows: 1,643 - Updated: 8/28/2009 - Published: 4/2/2007
Queen of Night by The Jaide Ninja Spork reviews
Bella is one of the original vampires, but doesn't remember her creation - except that she was never human. Does the truth of her past lie in her future? Bella/Edward
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 38,960 - Reviews: 107 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 110 - Updated: 8/23/2009 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
Why Do Good Girls Like Bad Boys? by BloodsuckingLeech reviews
Bella,Alice & Rosalie are violent, moody, bad girl best friends in a punk band called "Royally Screwed." Edward,Jasper & Emmett are the new bad boys in school. When they meet, Forks High becomes their battle ground. AU-some human, some not. R&R !
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 33 - Words: 69,195 - Reviews: 1791 - Favs: 1,210 - Follows: 666 - Updated: 8/19/2009 - Published: 1/16/2008 - Bella, Edward
Unknown Creature by call me your partner in crime reviews
Bella doesn't understand why her parents didn't want her. She realizes that she is inhuman, and possibly dangerous, while living at the orphanage. The Cullens adopt her, wanting to give her a home where others aren't disturbed by her powers. AU/BXE
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 25 - Words: 25,577 - Reviews: 504 - Favs: 351 - Follows: 205 - Updated: 8/12/2009 - Published: 6/11/2009 - Bella, Edward
Guardian of My Heart by causewerewolvesdontsparklexx reviews
What if Bella wasn't just a silly human? When Bella turns 18, a drastic change will occur and change her life forever. Set in New Moon. Edward hasn't left. Rated T just in case.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Suspense - Chapters: 24 - Words: 67,195 - Reviews: 620 - Favs: 466 - Follows: 297 - Updated: 8/3/2009 - Published: 9/27/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Cinderbella by retrogradation reviews
Edward left before he could catch me falling for him. Now I was afraid to let go, and love this man behind the mask. I had no idea that they were the same person.." Full Summary inside. Canon couples, non-AH, AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 27,372 - Reviews: 218 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 7/31/2009 - Published: 10/4/2008 - Bella, Edward
Demigod by Jazzii reviews
The beautiful Bella Swan moves to forks with her Dad, thats where she meets Edward Cullen and his Family who have a secret. But What they don't know Bella also has a important secret just as more important as there. Shes not all human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 7 - Words: 19,183 - Reviews: 242 - Favs: 215 - Follows: 218 - Updated: 7/30/2009 - Published: 4/26/2009 - Bella, Edward
Cullen Family Camping Trip by LeesaM reviews
Charlie insists Bella go camping with the Cullens in order to acclimate herself with the great outdoors. After all, the Cullens are practically revered in town for their family camping trips, so they must know what they're doing, right? *Post Eclipse
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 33,754 - Reviews: 564 - Favs: 760 - Follows: 207 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Of Curses and Cures by SiriuslyPadfoot'sGal reviews
AU: Edward is finally prepared to begin his medical career—a career ninety-years and four medical degrees in the making. He is, however, anything but prepared for the change that comes with his first patient... Bella Swan.FORMERLY TITLED BEST MEDICINE.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 60,392 - Reviews: 1394 - Favs: 1,001 - Follows: 1,230 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 2/27/2008 - Edward, Bella
Choices by LeesaM reviews
This story takes place in Eclipse when Riley goes to Bella’s room to gather her belongings for Victoria. This is what could have happened if Bella had arrived while he was still there, and the events following.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 37 - Words: 82,935 - Reviews: 822 - Favs: 514 - Follows: 216 - Updated: 7/22/2009 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Collision of Worlds by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
Full story of The Alone and the Lonely! Bella Swan is surprised when lonely actor Edward Masen steps on her hand in a book store; she's even more surprised when he sits down next to her. Before to after the one-shot. Lemons. And plot. Sometimes. On hiatus
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 47,664 - Reviews: 1023 - Favs: 922 - Follows: 1,130 - Updated: 7/21/2009 - Published: 10/7/2008 - Edward, Bella
My Little Princess by E.C. Cullen reviews
Losing her daughter in a crowd, Bella finds her in the arms of Prince Edward. Now, the three of them have to face the paparazzi, the world, and their true feelings for each other. All human, canon pairings, set in present day. ON HIATUS.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 16 - Words: 33,617 - Reviews: 879 - Favs: 858 - Follows: 920 - Updated: 7/21/2009 - Published: 6/2/2008
The New Year's List by E.C. Cullen reviews
BxAxR come up with a list of things to do before 2008 ends. Bella is in for a wild ride with her two best friends and Edward just happens to be there every step of the way. Crude/sexual humor, all human. ON HIATUS.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 23,826 - Reviews: 587 - Favs: 268 - Follows: 470 - Updated: 7/21/2009 - Published: 3/22/2008
Pieces of Time by Jayeliwood reviews
Sequel to Blind. Edward and Bella start a whole new life together but not without it's challenges. Now complete!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 56 - Words: 139,812 - Reviews: 7251 - Favs: 3,777 - Follows: 2,149 - Updated: 7/20/2009 - Published: 8/6/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Once Upon A Time, In Therapy by AllyR reviews
How do you feel when your dad forces you into therapy? How do you deal with a boyfriend you can't seem to break up with? What do you do about the mysterious green-eyed boy who seems to hate everyone? Ask Bella Swan. AU, AH, OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 62,522 - Reviews: 909 - Favs: 1,424 - Follows: 361 - Updated: 7/19/2009 - Published: 6/16/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Youth, Caesar, and the Neverending Needles by ahemyywe150 reviews
Roommates at the age of 17. More like jail mates. And you don't fall in love in jail. Well, you do if your father's a suddenly hospitable cop who takes in a dangerously beautiful deliquent as a favor to said deliquent's father. All Human. Summary inside.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 9 - Words: 41,073 - Reviews: 817 - Favs: 341 - Follows: 501 - Updated: 7/14/2009 - Published: 5/2/2009 - Bella, Edward
I'm Gonna Bite You! by ahemyywe150 reviews
Edward and Bella have known each other since they were little. Before freshman year of higschool, Edward moves away. Two years later, Bella moves too, and finds Edward at the same school she is going to. Can you say clashing? I can.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 71,547 - Reviews: 1351 - Favs: 833 - Follows: 963 - Updated: 7/12/2009 - Published: 7/22/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Past Comes Back to Bite You by sillybella reviews
AU: After Edward left Bella went to Jacksonville to live with her mother. Years later, after her husband dies, she returns to Forks with her daughter. What will Edward think when he passes through? What will Bella's daughter think of Edward? B&E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 75,552 - Reviews: 2761 - Favs: 1,761 - Follows: 1,746 - Updated: 7/11/2009 - Published: 1/20/2007
The Lighthouse by Annilaia reviews
An attack on their town one dark, stormy night sends Bella, Emmett and Alice rushing for safety towards the supposedly haunted lighthouse. What they find inside is far from ghosts. vampire au
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 32,528 - Reviews: 970 - Favs: 610 - Follows: 429 - Updated: 7/11/2009 - Published: 4/16/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Stuck! by Annilaia reviews
1 new text message: ALICE HELP ME! I'M STUCK IN THE ELEVATOR WITH SOME REALLY HOT GUY I DON'T KNOW!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 11,759 - Reviews: 1404 - Favs: 1,992 - Follows: 730 - Updated: 7/11/2009 - Published: 4/16/2008 - Complete
The Project by OliviaJane reviews
Alice has a personal project no one knows about. After finding out her cousins Edward and Emmett are moving to Forks she devises a plan to see to it that her best friends Bella and Rosalie fall for them. Will her project be a success? AH/OOC/Award Nominee
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 35,385 - Reviews: 507 - Favs: 666 - Follows: 196 - Updated: 7/9/2009 - Published: 4/19/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Where You Want To Be by emilie whoa reviews
When eight strangers get trapped in an airport during a freak blizzard, they expected to have a terrible night. But that's definitely not what fate has in store for them.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 16,528 - Reviews: 634 - Favs: 939 - Follows: 405 - Updated: 7/8/2009 - Published: 1/27/2008 - Complete
Ask A Vampire by meech.macmillan.of.hufflepuff reviews
Ever have a question you've wanted to ask a vampire? Well nows your chance! You can ask me or my friend, or any Twilight character. Ask a question by pm or review. Much random hyperness in later chapters depending on the question :D
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 4,854 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 7/2/2009 - Published: 8/22/2008
10 years later by Bella Mason reviews
takes place in middle of NM what if Edward hadn't come back? If Bella had gotten older, just as he wanted?And what if they meet again?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 19 - Words: 18,197 - Reviews: 423 - Favs: 147 - Follows: 203 - Updated: 6/28/2009 - Published: 1/21/2007
Out of Her Head by 1Blue25 reviews
Devastated by an unrequited crush, Bella Swan escapes her troubles and moves to Chicago to teach at a prestigious prep school. Mysterious and sexy Edward Cullen can't seem to make up his mind how he feels about his new colleague. AU-Human
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 39 - Words: 270,790 - Reviews: 2501 - Favs: 2,714 - Follows: 1,278 - Updated: 6/25/2009 - Published: 1/30/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
LOST and LOST 2 by edwardsoul reviews
Lost 1-7 years later Edward comes back. Bella's a tough NYC girl who vows to take down C-Corp. What happens when she learns who owns C-Corp? LOST 2- Simmons is introduced to a female vampire.He's dated many beautiful women,what happens when me meets her?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 32 - Words: 159,504 - Reviews: 2426 - Favs: 2,050 - Follows: 556 - Updated: 6/17/2009 - Published: 10/13/2007
I Carry Your Heart With Me by Amethyst Jackson reviews
AU, AH, pre-Twilight. Bella volunteers to give Renee some alone time with her new boyfriend and spend the summer in Forks. She doesn’t count on meeting Edward, the sexy and soulful musician. A one-shot written for the Summer SmutDown.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,955 - Reviews: 355 - Favs: 894 - Follows: 135 - Published: 6/16/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Wish Upon A Star by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
So I'm like a male Cinderella?" Edward asked sarcastically. The woman smiled wickedly. "Exactly. Only your wish doesn't end at midnight. It's permanent. So I suggest you think it through first." Edward didn't hesitate. "I want it." All Human E/B Hiatus.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 22,132 - Reviews: 785 - Favs: 401 - Follows: 545 - Updated: 6/14/2009 - Published: 1/16/2009 - Edward, Bella
In a Manner of Speaking by Momentarily Infinite reviews
When did you get muscles?" "When did you get breasts?" It was silent. Had I crossed a line? "Touche." Embry/OC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 28 - Words: 50,429 - Reviews: 1559 - Favs: 1,016 - Follows: 499 - Updated: 6/8/2009 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Embry - Complete
The Official Twilight SmutVent Calendar 2008 by BritishBitches reviews
25 days of smut! The best smut authors on FanFic have come together to create the ultimate advent calendar! Each day leading up to Christmas we will be posting a new chapter, each written by a guest author! Lot's of lemons! Enjoy! x Outtakes now posted!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 137,830 - Reviews: 1123 - Favs: 954 - Follows: 671 - Updated: 6/7/2009 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Complete
Bloodlines by phlowergirl reviews
Generations have passed all the knowledge of the past Werewolves in La Push have been lost, things have changed in La Push, all the changes are for reasons unknown until Talin phases into a wolf, shocking the tribal council bringing new info to light.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 29 - Words: 43,266 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 6/2/2009 - Published: 9/25/2008
Edward's Fight by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
Happy one year anniversary A World Without Sound! As chosen by the readers, chapter 14, "Fight," in Edward's POV.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 11,115 - Reviews: 200 - Favs: 393 - Follows: 88 - Published: 6/1/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Worlds Collide by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Isabella Swan has multiple personality disorder and has let Edward Cullen, an aspiring psychiatrist, do a case study on her and her multiple personalities. Collaboration between Bronzehairedgirl620 and Daddy’s Little Cannibal, dark and funny. B/E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 30,967 - Reviews: 1042 - Favs: 420 - Follows: 426 - Updated: 5/23/2009 - Published: 2/1/2009 - Bella, Edward
Alice in Wonderland by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Alice falls down a rabbit hole and ends up in an alternative universe where she meets Jasper. A mix of popular fairytales set in an alternative universe. Alice/Jasper. Dark.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,552 - Reviews: 271 - Favs: 108 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 5/23/2009 - Published: 3/29/2009 - Alice, Jasper
The Pretty Corpses by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
The Pretty Corpses is the first movie using vampire actors along with human actors. Edward and Bella are the main characters. A better summary is inside. Connected to All the Pretty Corpses NOT a sequel or rewrite! B/E
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 33,542 - Reviews: 1262 - Favs: 424 - Follows: 428 - Updated: 5/23/2009 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Bella, Edward
Till Death Do Us Part by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
All human. Edward and Bella meet each other at a bar. They get drunk and hit it off. Edward admits that he won’t have sex till marriage. Bella, on a whim, asks Edward to marry her – he agrees. What a shame that Edward doesn't believe in divorce…
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 78,298 - Reviews: 8027 - Favs: 3,710 - Follows: 3,123 - Updated: 5/23/2009 - Published: 8/12/2008 - Bella, Edward
Making Love Out Of Nothing At All by ashel-13 reviews
Edward thought of Bella as just a friend, but Bella always felt more.That was 3 years ago and now she's ready to make Edward Cullen fall in love with her and make this the best summer of her life. All Human OOC Lemons Gall-lore! WARNING: NC-17
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 77 - Words: 291,632 - Reviews: 11602 - Favs: 8,381 - Follows: 2,515 - Updated: 5/22/2009 - Published: 2/8/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Going for the Gold by bethaboo reviews
Edward Cullen, an Olympic swimming star, goes to Beijing with winning gold medals on his mind, but is distracted by the beautiful but clumsy reporter he meets on his way. All Human AU, co-written by tameleine.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 91,734 - Reviews: 2431 - Favs: 3,813 - Follows: 1,562 - Updated: 5/9/2009 - Published: 8/18/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Hello, Stranger by Burrberry Bugsy reviews
A college class has everyone pairing up as married couples for 28 days. But how hard would it be to focus on passing the class when you’re paired up with your worst enemy’s girlfriend? How much worse when you actually started to fall for her? ON HIATUS
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 145,802 - Reviews: 2696 - Favs: 2,236 - Follows: 2,313 - Updated: 5/9/2009 - Published: 1/9/2009 - Bella, Edward
Midnight Angel by BlueBirdBones reviews
Eclipse AU: Things like this don't happen to nice, normal girls like Angela Weber.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Horror - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14,310 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 16 - Updated: 5/8/2009 - Published: 4/28/2009 - Angela, Bella
Home Movies by Adieu l'apathie reviews
An embarrassing thing, childhood is. Renee is a catalyst for Bella's embarrassment, and Edward enjoy's every minute of it. Indefinite Hiatus, Sorry
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 6,237 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 5/6/2009 - Published: 3/7/2008 - Bella, Edward
The Vampire of the Opera by Madame Meg reviews
Bella is kind, smart, pretty and living the perfect life. Until Edward Cullen comes along and kidnaps her, that is. Edward is cruel, miserable, in love with Bella Swan and isn't about to let her go that easily. Re-make of The Phantom of the Opera. AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 15 - Words: 53,425 - Reviews: 1258 - Favs: 746 - Follows: 651 - Updated: 5/3/2009 - Published: 3/3/2008 - Bella, Edward
Maria by ahemyywe150 reviews
All human! Bella is aspiring towards her dream job but when a family crisis hits her, she has to adapt. This means getting a job as a babysitter for a cute little kid. Except there's one little snag: the kid's brother, Edward Cullen. BxE R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 100,004 - Reviews: 3005 - Favs: 2,550 - Follows: 1,348 - Updated: 5/2/2009 - Published: 6/22/2008 - Complete
The Red Line by WinndSinger reviews
Edward is an exotic male dancer. Bella is a college student studying psychology and needs a subject to do her thesis on. Bella pays Edward to belong to her for 2 weeks so she can study him. Things soon get very interesting between them.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 40 - Words: 351,671 - Reviews: 19326 - Favs: 11,941 - Follows: 5,468 - Updated: 5/1/2009 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Edward, Bella
Carlisle's Angels by Miss Baby reviews
Once upon a time there were three very different girls, who grew up to be very different women. They are brilliant. They are beautiful and they work for me. My name is Carlisle. AU/AH/OOC/Canon pairings. Rated M for a reason.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Crime/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 195,704 - Reviews: 1007 - Favs: 956 - Follows: 334 - Updated: 5/1/2009 - Published: 12/28/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Capturing the Flames by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Example one-shot for the “Epic T Rated One-Shot Contest.” Bella, an artist, decides to paint Edward, a fireman, for an art show. B/E Collaboration with Bronzehairedgirl620 and Daddy’s Little Cannibal.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,553 - Reviews: 139 - Favs: 187 - Follows: 39 - Published: 4/27/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Clandestine by Annilaia reviews
Edward, home for the summer takes a job teaching piano to a young Swan girl. When he falls in love for the oldest Swan daughter, Edward has to keep their relationship a secret, as he deals with his Mother, his cousin, and how much in love he is with Bella
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 18,935 - Reviews: 653 - Favs: 378 - Follows: 633 - Updated: 4/24/2009 - Published: 4/16/2008 - Edward, Bella
EARTHQUAKE! by Thallium81 reviews
When a virgin is kidnapped in the jungles of Isle Esme, a daring anthropologist rushes in to the rescue. But will they be able to escape the island before falling victim to the predators, natives, and pirates? AH EdwardxBella
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Mystery - Chapters: 21 - Words: 37,482 - Reviews: 1169 - Favs: 875 - Follows: 302 - Updated: 4/21/2009 - Published: 3/3/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Eye Of The Storm by Shaps reviews
AH, OOCish, AU. Alice's POV. Morehead City, North Carolina, is about to get hit by a category one cyclone. Alice goes there only because of a vision, but she'll stay there because of who she meets...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 20,503 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 4/20/2009 - Published: 10/31/2008 - Alice, Jasper
50 Things To Do When You're Bored by Lost in Believing reviews
50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Cullen Style. You never know what could happen in the Cullen Household. Hilarity ensured for some chapters. Sometimes other people are brought into the craziness...All 50 Things To Do When You're Bored. Now Complete!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 52 - Words: 76,434 - Reviews: 3212 - Favs: 949 - Follows: 430 - Updated: 4/13/2009 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Complete
I want to redo my life by BellaWhitlock reviews
25 yr-old Bella Swan hasn't been home in 6 yrs. Graduating from Dartmouth, she now works at Forks Community Hospital avoiding Doctor Edward Cullen, ex-husband. Married as teens, what went wrong? Can they love again? AU AH OOC Please read/review
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 27,653 - Reviews: 707 - Favs: 538 - Follows: 762 - Updated: 4/12/2009 - Published: 9/29/2008 - Edward, Bella
Dreams Of Gold by Bella-with-the-blue-eyes reviews
Bella is a 16 yr old Olympic gymnast for the USA. Edward Cullen is the all around American and World Swimming Champion, and gold medal favorite at only 18. Going for the Gold takes on a whole new meaning when these two champions meet in an all out competi
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 40 - Words: 68,379 - Reviews: 1592 - Favs: 1,014 - Follows: 506 - Updated: 4/5/2009 - Published: 8/21/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Iron Man by deadgoddess reviews
Bella meets this man. He literally falls out from the sky, dazzles the heck out of her, and suddenly… turns hostile? Is this even normal? AU BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,888 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 4/4/2009 - Published: 8/18/2008 - Bella, Edward
She's Royal by halojones reviews
The Cullens are in Hawaii on holiday, but only Alice knows the reason why they are there-she's had a premonition that Edward would finally meet his true love. But when their meeting is ruined by unforeseen circumstances, will Alice set things right again?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 20 - Words: 110,148 - Reviews: 2731 - Favs: 2,270 - Follows: 1,245 - Updated: 3/27/2009 - Published: 6/8/2008 - Complete
Boy Meets Girl by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Complete. They met each other on a subway. She was still wearing the bracelet from the hospital. He still had track marks from the night before. My answer to a challenge. No character deaths or abuse. All human. Alice and Jasper
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 18,156 - Reviews: 940 - Favs: 590 - Follows: 259 - Updated: 3/23/2009 - Published: 12/29/2008 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
The Hard Knocks That Mattered by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
AU. A writing exercise. One girl's journey as she comes to terms through her life with the fact that a childhood love only ever got the chance to become that. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,296 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 131 - Follows: 25 - Published: 3/21/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Human Drinker by Bella's Bff reviews
Isabella Swan is a blood-thirsty killer. Literally. She is a vampire. She drains the lives from the ones who do not deserve life. What happens when Edward Cullen and his family find out about her and decide to capture and take her to the Volturi? Romance?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 8,540 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 75 - Follows: 114 - Updated: 3/21/2009 - Published: 8/28/2008 - Bella, Edward
A Beautiful Lie by Brindalyn reviews
They were childhood friends who's destiny pulled them apart. He became a star and she raised his son, a son he knew nothing about. A son she hid from him to allow him to live out his dream. A beautiful lie. All Human. Bella/Edward. Usual Pairings.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 42 - Words: 143,559 - Reviews: 2665 - Favs: 3,000 - Follows: 1,149 - Updated: 3/20/2009 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Edward - Complete
The Search For Myself: Edward & Bella by AngelAtTwilight reviews
What if Bella & Edward's roles were reversed, leaving Bella the Vampire and Edward the Human? As predicaments change and situations become harder, will their fate still be destined? Or will unexpected plans change their lives forever? Read To Find Out!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 151,603 - Reviews: 1890 - Favs: 1,678 - Follows: 671 - Updated: 3/15/2009 - Published: 11/20/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Boom by A Machiavellian Figure reviews
Jasper is a manipulated and confused suicide bomber desperately seeking an escape. Can Alice save him from himself? Will she want to when she realises what he's done? A/J contains some violence/language in future chapters. Dark fic. ON HIATUS
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,712 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 3/12/2009 - Published: 2/1/2009 - Jasper, Alice
Pranks! by Endless Dawn reviews
A random story including pranks, and your friends in the book, TWILIGHT.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 978 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 3/11/2009 - Published: 3/25/2007
The Wild and Wacky Adventures of Edward in PE! by LindaRoo reviews
Hilarity ensues when Edward comes back at the end of New Moon and he and Alice get Mrs. Cope to change their schedules to put them in Bella's gym class. How can they appear human when their superhuman athletic aptitudes keep getting in the way?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 12 - Words: 74,371 - Reviews: 1969 - Favs: 2,216 - Follows: 1,674 - Updated: 3/9/2009 - Published: 2/27/2007
Twilight is Published! by Murmmer reviews
What would happen if Twilight was published in the Twilight world? What happens when half of Forks reads Stephanie Meyer's new Best Seller, Twilight? What will Bella and the Cullens do? After all, Bella just had her personal thoughts PUBLISHED!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 24 - Words: 21,712 - Reviews: 1279 - Favs: 524 - Follows: 553 - Updated: 3/8/2009 - Published: 6/25/2007
High Heels and Runaway Frisbees by enamors reviews
Bella shares a very passionate and public kiss with a handsome, bronze haired stranger. Edward/Bella AU/AH one shot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,102 - Reviews: 5224 - Favs: 4,578 - Follows: 4,103 - Updated: 3/4/2009 - Published: 6/2/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Bad Fanfiction by yayme2012 reviews
Funny fanfic telling what you SHOULDN'T do in Twilight fanfiction... Includes JacobXBella, EmmettXBella, and my personal fave: BananasXBella! New chapters include The Movie, Yum Lemons, and 2008. Curing Twilight fanfiction, one parody at a time.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 66 - Words: 51,675 - Reviews: 2785 - Favs: 568 - Follows: 329 - Updated: 3/2/2009 - Published: 11/14/2007 - Elizabeth, Aro
Aengus by Starshinedown reviews
An entry in Jayeliwood's Sexy Eddie Contest! Bella goes abroad to do research for her upcoming novel. What will she discover while on her trip? All Human, lemon. Nominated at the Eddie Awards for Best Short Story.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,977 - Reviews: 136 - Favs: 452 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 2/19/2009 - Published: 9/21/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
So, this is love? by I'mwiththevampires08 reviews
What happens when our couples try to find love in all the wrong places? Especially when they are all in the entertainment industry? Will they find each other in the end? Warning: Canon pairing and rated M for a reason. Contains lots of lemons!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 36 - Words: 136,842 - Reviews: 1845 - Favs: 796 - Follows: 868 - Updated: 2/19/2009 - Published: 8/12/2008
Realize by Goo82 reviews
Edward is a hot up and coming actor and Bella is his ever faithful best friend and personal assistant. Bella's feeling for Edward have changed, but he is oblivious to her feelings. With the help of her friends, will she get the courage to tell him...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 21 - Words: 101,506 - Reviews: 5372 - Favs: 7,590 - Follows: 2,092 - Updated: 2/19/2009 - Published: 7/5/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Imagination Land by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Complete with epilogue. Bella is an author that just happens to be in a coma. But instead of being completely brain dead she's living in a part of her brain where all the fictional characters she’s created are alive. BXE Edward is a vampire!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 16 - Words: 47,017 - Reviews: 2006 - Favs: 1,176 - Follows: 516 - Updated: 2/14/2009 - Published: 7/25/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Vampire Heart by Queenbeth2 reviews
AU. vampires have enslaved humans. Edward comes to the Center to get his first human and finds Bella, immune to his mind reading and rebellious. He takes her, planning to learn more about her strange behavior. Full Summery inside. ExB JxA COMPLETE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 123,541 - Reviews: 2303 - Favs: 2,409 - Follows: 876 - Updated: 2/11/2009 - Published: 12/4/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Within The Darkness by bellaklutz2010 reviews
Will Bella survive? What will Rosalie do now? Will Kyle still be a vampire? Continuation the beloved story "The Secret Compartment". Rated T becase I am paranoid.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 31 - Words: 98,170 - Reviews: 2103 - Favs: 592 - Follows: 351 - Updated: 2/2/2009 - Published: 11/20/2008 - Complete
The Secret Compartment by bellaklutz2010 reviews
When Bella decides to move to Forks her mother and Phil give her one last gift, a desk from the 1900’s. When Bella finds a secret compartment filled with secret letters she finds herself falling in love with a man who no longer exists, or does he?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 44,998 - Reviews: 2135 - Favs: 1,292 - Follows: 516 - Updated: 2/2/2009 - Published: 10/29/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Edward's Girl, Emmett's Daughter by Love For Secrets reviews
Bezzaletta's story. I'm just finishing it. Summary inside
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 28 - Words: 37,034 - Reviews: 244 - Favs: 154 - Follows: 142 - Updated: 2/1/2009 - Published: 8/2/2008 - Bella, Edward
Wide Awake OUTTAKES by AngstGoddess003 reviews
These are chapter outtakes for WA. Scenes and false starts that didn't make the cut, but still have some funny and good moments. Just for fun. Not srs bsns. Don't read if you've become attached to the finer details in the story. M for language and stuff.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 15,902 - Reviews: 499 - Favs: 597 - Follows: 403 - Updated: 1/30/2009 - Published: 12/11/2008
Suicide Lane Café by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Bella did jump off the cliff to commit suicide and she succeeded, which made Edward go to the Italy to commit a vampire suicide. A different take on the afterlife. Edward and Bella fluff. Corny summary, I know. New Moon AU. ONE-SHOT!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,746 - Reviews: 305 - Favs: 460 - Follows: 86 - Published: 1/21/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Calling Doctor From Hell by ForEverTopaz1901 reviews
Bella gets sick while Carlisle is unavailable to take care of her. Edward takes her to the hospital, thinking he will get a professional doctor. But it turns out to be much worse than that. This actually happened to me, so have fun reading!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,668 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 183 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 1/19/2009 - Published: 9/10/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Child of the Night by l'heure bleue reviews
"I'm like a Vampire," she murmured. "Because, in mere seconds, the sun could kill me." - Bella Swan is a girl living her life in fear of the light. Edward Cullen is simply a normal boy. They're worlds apart, but... "You're my sun, Edward." – ExB ALL HUMAN
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 57 - Words: 194,119 - Reviews: 9568 - Favs: 2,248 - Follows: 914 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 7/19/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
To love and Protect by Jayeliwood reviews
A Princess falls in love with her personal guard, and he feels the same way. Will they do everything they can to stay together? Set in a time of Kings, queens and knights in shining armor. AH AU OOC
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 72,443 - Reviews: 2937 - Favs: 2,334 - Follows: 995 - Updated: 1/18/2009 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Halloween Fair by Jayeliwood reviews
Bella is roped into going to the Fair by Alice on Halloween. What she doesn't know that the boy she had a crush on, is coming along too. He didn't notice her last year, but he sure does now.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 7 - Words: 30,297 - Reviews: 1246 - Favs: 1,624 - Follows: 784 - Updated: 1/16/2009 - Published: 10/28/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Just A Dream by mskayla reviews
What happens when promises are broken? What happens when things don't turn out as planned? Bella Swan meets the love of her life, Edward Masen. Just months later he joins the military and is sent to war. When tragedy strikes, are promises enough?Hum-Vam
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 57 - Words: 106,049 - Reviews: 1532 - Favs: 423 - Follows: 255 - Updated: 1/16/2009 - Published: 9/12/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Wakeup Call by la saboteuse reviews
One Saturday morning, Bella wakes up...but Edward hasn't noticed yet. What could be done to turn such a circumstance to her advantage? Hmmm... Sequel is up!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,994 - Reviews: 127 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 81 - Updated: 1/15/2009 - Published: 4/28/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Dancing Vampire by jingles4thestorm reviews
Bella should have learned by now that betting with Emmett never ends well, especially when dancing is concerned. T for some language. Oneshot and very fun! Chuckles to be had.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,416 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 3 - Published: 1/11/2009 - Bella - Complete
The Effects of Alcohol by HM TAFFY reviews
When her friends get Bella drunk on Rosalie’s hen night, it was bound to end badly - but not this badly. A revealing bunny costume, a fist-fight in a club and the barman. Did she really offer to sleep with him? All human, usual pairings. ON HIATUS
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 38,771 - Reviews: 360 - Favs: 215 - Follows: 403 - Updated: 1/11/2009 - Published: 7/20/2008 - Bella, Edward
Stranded by staceygirl aka jackbauer reviews
Bella gets stranded in a small town during a record storm. She meets Edward whom she is immediately attracted to and befriends, but why is it that everyone in the town seems to treat him like some sort of monster? Can she help him find peace again?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 38 - Words: 112,808 - Reviews: 1518 - Favs: 1,410 - Follows: 461 - Updated: 1/9/2009 - Published: 9/29/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Meyer University by Sh.C reviews
Bella moves to college where she meets and befriends the Cullens and Hales. Edward Cullen goes through many girls he meets Bella & sees something he likes. Much better Summary Inside. All Human. Adventure, mystery, humor & of course,a little romance! AU
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 63 - Words: 184,281 - Reviews: 8151 - Favs: 5,751 - Follows: 2,107 - Updated: 1/8/2009 - Published: 11/2/2007 - Complete
Escaping Sol by Ranma15177 reviews
Bella is forever changed by her second encounter with the Volturi. Now it is up to all of the Cullens to find out the secrets of the mysterious Lillith, the intentions of the Volturi, and the fate of the 'Innocent.' Chapter 24 is up!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 193,247 - Reviews: 875 - Favs: 543 - Follows: 491 - Updated: 1/6/2009 - Published: 9/21/2007
Road Trip by penneyxx reviews
Alice decides to take her best friend, Bella, on a trip to see her boyfriend, Jasper, and his room mate, Edward. When Bella finds out that she's going to be living with them for a week, what will she decide to do? Better summary inside. All human.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 54,005 - Reviews: 624 - Favs: 376 - Follows: 392 - Updated: 1/5/2009 - Published: 6/15/2008
Intimacy by Ranma15177 reviews
Father to Son. Mother to Daughter. Sister to Brother. Husband to Wife. Lover to Lover. Heart to Heart. A loving family sharing together, forever, in what can only be described as intimacy. E/B C/Es Ja/A R/Em
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,872 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 179 - Follows: 24 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Complete
He Thinks, She Thinks by TwilightObsessedMell reviews
Ever wondered how Edward survives classes without Bella? By peeking at people's thoughts, of course! R&R Please!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,416 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 1/1/2009 - Published: 3/29/2008 - Complete
Happy New Year by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
All human. Emmett's hosting a New Year's Eve party. B/E Written with Bronzehairedgirl620 One-Shot Happy New Year!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,658 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 148 - Follows: 23 - Published: 12/31/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Twenty Four Hours by Capella85 reviews
24 hours? It's not enough time," he exclaimed. She smiled slyly at him. "Cinderella had only till midnight. At least it's more than that." Could he resist? Was it worth it, for Bella? EXB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 67,254 - Reviews: 434 - Favs: 171 - Follows: 91 - Updated: 12/30/2008 - Published: 10/22/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Notes by Llama Mama23 reviews
Edward and Bella are caught passing notes in class. The teacher has the note read to the class. A series of embarassing events ensues, including Edward in a trunk, Bella in a gas mask, Carlisle as Tarazn, and Emmett with blue hair.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 25,990 - Reviews: 2856 - Favs: 2,044 - Follows: 967 - Updated: 12/29/2008 - Published: 5/14/2007 - Complete
Separate From Myself by Obsessed.with.writing reviews
Bella has many different passions. Ballet, Hip-hop, Skateboarding and Gymnastics. For each of these she has a different name, Isabella, Issy, Is and Isa. How can she react when her lives start to fold in on one another. COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 32 - Words: 40,668 - Reviews: 1248 - Favs: 584 - Follows: 383 - Updated: 12/27/2008 - Published: 3/23/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Accident & Emergency by Annilaia reviews
Oh, hey there Edward. Nice seeing you today. Sorry about crashing into your car with my truck. Think we can be friends? Yeah? Oh that's awesome! I hope your whiplash isn't as bad as mine, and sorry again for the huge dent in your door... AH, B/E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,319 - Reviews: 541 - Favs: 610 - Follows: 291 - Updated: 12/26/2008 - Published: 6/30/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Under the Mistletoe by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Edward and Bella meet under the mistletoe…at Santa’s workshop. B/E A short Santa friendly one-shot that I thought y’all might enjoy for the holidays. Merry Christmas!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,430 - Reviews: 68 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 25 - Published: 12/25/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Sleigh Rides by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Edward asks Santa for a favor. B/E One-shot
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,718 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 142 - Follows: 31 - Published: 12/15/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Every Kiss Begins With Kay by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
For "A Very Cullen Christmas Collaboration Contest." Sometimes commercials aren't always fake. All human. Co written with Bronzedhairgirl620. B/E One-shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,172 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 198 - Follows: 39 - Published: 12/14/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
In Loving Memory of JB by VampricFaeryGirl reviews
Leaving Forks would be tricky enough if it weren't Bella's and Stephanie's first move as vampires, but Forks is their home. How will they leave? Who will they leave behind? Sequel to 'In Loving Memory of I.S.'
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 49,036 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 12/14/2008 - Published: 7/31/2008 - Bella - Complete
22 Weeks Later by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
Sequel to "Little Pink Envelope" Everything is going perfect for Edward, Bella and Lexie, and with a new baby on the way, family and friends reunited, nothing could possibly go wrong. Right...? All human, canon pairings. T for safety.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 15 - Words: 35,055 - Reviews: 1931 - Favs: 1,497 - Follows: 667 - Updated: 12/12/2008 - Published: 9/6/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Emmet,Shut Up by XOXOSABRINAA reviews
The Cullen's, Hale's, and Swan's have a huge sleepover. Emmet announces they are playing truth or dare. Unexpected twists and turns happen. Very limey, but no lemons. All Human. BxE EMxR JASxA. Takes place in Oahu. xD
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 16,069 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 172 - Follows: 60 - Updated: 12/10/2008 - Published: 10/9/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Accidental Harmony by BlueBirdBones reviews
One shot: Bella is dazzled into an impromptu piano lesson.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,240 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/10/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
When Fiction Becomes Reality by Bella-of-the-Ball reviews
Bella is a writer whose most successful book is one she wrote about Edward, her high school crush. Edward is now an A-list actor and has signed on to star in a movie based on Bella’s creation. Will Edward make fiction a reality for Bella? All human
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 34,010 - Reviews: 895 - Favs: 617 - Follows: 657 - Updated: 12/9/2008 - Published: 5/3/2008
Pens & Sharpies by pleasebiteme reviews
Let the Cullens pass notes! I find it hilarious. Maybe you shall, too. ;D
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 100 - Words: 18,268 - Reviews: 1440 - Favs: 300 - Follows: 164 - Updated: 12/7/2008 - Published: 1/27/2008 - Complete
Wishlist by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Written for the Official Twilight SmutVent Calendar. One-Shot. Bella only wants one thing for Christmas; she just has to convince Edward to give it to her.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,794 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 384 - Follows: 65 - Published: 12/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Fairytale Ending by Miss Fairytale reviews
Everyone is obsessed with Edward Cullen, everyone except Bella, the girl he's obssesed with. But Jacob's sick of standing in Edward's shadow, and stealing the one thing Edward has ever really wanted seems to be just the thing to stand in the spotlight.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 30 - Words: 44,427 - Reviews: 2395 - Favs: 1,046 - Follows: 678 - Updated: 12/6/2008 - Published: 10/8/2007 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Mon Amour by N.S.T reviews
4 years after Edward left Bella became cold. After her shift at a Seattle cafe, she has a run in with a vampire. But this vampire is not normal; he has blue eyes. Who is this strange vampire? What lies ahead for Bella? TwilightxVampire Chronicles. REVISED
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,338 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 12/6/2008 - Published: 4/12/2008
Only You by Annilaia reviews
Alice never believed in coincidence. Ten years ago the ouija board spelled out the name of her 'true love', she's been waiting for him ever since.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,501 - Reviews: 288 - Favs: 295 - Follows: 141 - Updated: 12/4/2008 - Published: 8/29/2008 - Alice, Jasper - Complete
The Prophecy Of The Half Blood by alibaby3377 reviews
This story takes place after Breaking Dawn. A chilling prophecy involving Bella’s daughter has come to the Volturi's attention. How will Bella react to her daughter in danger and what is she willing to do as her mother to protect her? Will she sacrifice h
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,537 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 12/3/2008 - Published: 9/22/2008 - Bella, Edward
Heaven Help Me by Alexander-In-Autumn reviews
Bella needed a friend. What she got was a hot gaurdian angel named Edward, who's determined to make her happy. How long will he stay on Earth to complete his job? Evil Mike, sweet Edward, shy Gothic Bella.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 21 - Words: 102,019 - Reviews: 1649 - Favs: 927 - Follows: 906 - Updated: 11/26/2008 - Published: 8/11/2007 - Edward, Bella
Hot Landing Zone by HaileyCherie reviews
Edward Cullen blames scientist Isabella Swan for getting them stranded on a remote island. But hell, Edward can improvise, adapt, and overcome...as long as Bella stops driving him wild...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 25,661 - Reviews: 841 - Favs: 2,236 - Follows: 454 - Published: 11/25/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
I'll be Watching You by TwilightSagaLover543 reviews
Bella's been having nightmares again, but its someone that wants to kill her. Can she figure it out the mystery, find out the mystery of the Cullens, and maybe land Edward? read and review to find out!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,036 - Reviews: 58 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 11/24/2008 - Published: 9/17/2008
I Set You Free by Opague reviews
Sequel to DESCENDANT. Bella and her prince can finally be together. But suddenly, vampires go missing and then Edward himself. Bella soon realizes that her dead mother's past may destroy her future and her almighty father may not be able to save it.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 19 - Words: 29,593 - Reviews: 389 - Favs: 213 - Follows: 191 - Updated: 11/21/2008 - Published: 11/3/2006 - Complete
Cullens and the Amazon by Miss Whoniverse reviews
To be precise, three Cullens and the Amazon. Amazon and two vamps don't get along. Rated T for mild language. Slightly OC. Post BD. Basically mum and dad are taking Renesmee to see Zafrina; like promised!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 869 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/21/2008 - Complete
Butter! by la saboteuse reviews
Was anyone else saddened by the lack of newly-wed bliss in BD? Collected oneshots of what their honeymoon could have been like! NO lemons,but plenty of fluffy goodness along with some character exploration.Started writing before BD,so locations may vary.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,592 - Reviews: 112 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 11/19/2008 - Published: 5/2/2008 - Bella, Edward
A Fine Line by aces24 reviews
There are lines drawn regarding what one person will do for another person. But when Bella Swan dies, Edward Cullen will do anything to get her back. Even if it means losing everything in the process.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,337 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 11/18/2008 - Published: 9/24/2008 - Bella, Edward
Missing Scenes of Perfection by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
This is going to be a series of one-shots of more elaborate sex scenes for each of the ones missing in BD, starting with the wedding night and continuing in order. Review please! BD SPOILERS.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,596 - Reviews: 311 - Favs: 429 - Follows: 322 - Updated: 11/13/2008 - Published: 8/8/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Missing Moments by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Missing moments to Till Death Do Us Parts, includes the first day of the "honeymoon" and scenes in Edward's POV. You have to read Till Death Do Us Part to understand what's going on.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,459 - Reviews: 450 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 165 - Updated: 11/9/2008 - Published: 11/5/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
No PDA by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
PDA Public Display of Affection in school is fun! :D BXE One-shot Takes place at the end of Twilight. :D
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,169 - Reviews: 219 - Favs: 437 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 11/9/2008 - Published: 5/6/2008 - Complete
Gay, Married, Or Dead by m r s . w r i t i n g reviews
Bella and Edward visit a local cafe. When Bella hears three women obsess over Edward, her posessive womanly intincts take over. What's her new reaction to ogling passerbys...
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 810 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 11/6/2008 - Published: 8/31/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
All The Pretty Corpses by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
COMPLETE Bella Swan is a siren to the vampires. They come far and wide to hear her beautiful voice. NOT a song fic. BXE Darker side of Stephenie's vampires.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 12 - Words: 26,132 - Reviews: 772 - Favs: 486 - Follows: 205 - Updated: 11/2/2008 - Published: 5/22/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Oh! The Horror! by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Post Twilight. Edward and Bella watch a horror movie together. Fluffy! One-shot. BXE Happy Halloween!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,860 - Reviews: 198 - Favs: 361 - Follows: 47 - Published: 10/31/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Waiting for Twilight by Twilightholic-Tanya reviews
A masquerade ball, an amazing dance, and a heart pounding moment. Cinderbella meets her Prince Charming but where in the fairy tale did it say he wasn't single? All Human!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 46,863 - Reviews: 776 - Favs: 544 - Follows: 217 - Updated: 10/25/2008 - Published: 7/24/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
BubbleGum Champion by Heartbroken1 reviews
FINAL CHAPTER IS NOW UP...Edward discovers that Bella has a talent he didn't know about. He should have never told his brothers about it. Let the teasing begin. I changed the rating to M... still only innuendoes.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,431 - Reviews: 671 - Favs: 463 - Follows: 334 - Updated: 10/25/2008 - Published: 10/26/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Coffee Makes the Heart Grow Fonder by CGarman reviews
All Human. Bella is scared of love, and all things commitment. When Edward falls for her, her whole outlook on being with someone is turned up side down. Will Edward be able to break down her walls? Will she let him get close enough? Summary changed!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 34 - Words: 127,031 - Reviews: 1287 - Favs: 1,017 - Follows: 432 - Updated: 10/24/2008 - Published: 5/31/2008 - Complete
Distraction by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Things heat up when Edward and Bella are on the run.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,282 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 233 - Follows: 37 - Published: 10/23/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Rebel Without a Cause by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Days before her wedding, Bella decides to go for one last motorcycle ride. Edward is Not Please. One-Shot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,403 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 444 - Follows: 76 - Published: 10/23/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Property Damage by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Edward loses his temper when Bella decides to go out unsupervised during her first year as a vampire. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,046 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 350 - Follows: 55 - Published: 10/23/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Best Presents by Amethyst Jackson reviews
Edward saves Bella from her 50th birthday celebrations, and then he gives her what she really wants. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,916 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 268 - Follows: 50 - Published: 10/23/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Smile! You're in Hollywood! by deadgoddess reviews
Edward & Bella - the hottest couple in Hollywood! That is, in front of the camera. But when the director says 'CUT', things aren't as Edward wishes them to be. What would he do? AU AH OOC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,127 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 10/20/2008 - Published: 10/7/2008 - Edward, Bella
Once Friends, Now What? by Just Call Me Mrs Cullen reviews
Bella and Edward were childhood friends, but Bella moved away. 6 years later they meet again at college. Bella is no longer the tomboy she once was and Edward has become quite the ladies man. What happens when they reunite? ALL HUMAN Full summary inside
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 93,523 - Reviews: 4231 - Favs: 2,648 - Follows: 1,386 - Updated: 10/20/2008 - Published: 2/10/2008 - Complete
Three Thing that keep me from being normal by beautifully twisted reviews
bella is 17 and her mom Renee left charlie and met a big shot baseball player phil when bella was five. There for bella is homeschooled and a lonly child until seventeen. Bella moves with Charlie. Also Bella has three amazing powers. ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 5,851 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 123 - Updated: 10/8/2008 - Published: 7/5/2008
Bellas secret by beautifully twisted reviews
Bella is a witch, but also half vampire. The laws of the supernatural word say witches and vampires cant be together. Who is Bellas father? Will Bella keep her secret of a hafebreed? Will she break thoes rules? Will she run-away from her school? BxE later
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,091 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 10/7/2008 - Published: 9/23/2008
T H E R I V A L S by Red.Light-Go reviews
Bella is sent to a middle of no where boarding school when she made huge mistake back home. But things are looking up when she finds herself climbing 10 ft walls sneaking into the rival school boys dorms.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 921 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 25 - Published: 10/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
Manly Men by The Jaide Ninja Spork reviews
Who is the Manliest Man of Manliest Men of the Manliest Men? In an attempt to solve this argument once and for all or for a while the Cullens have a series of weird competitions. Who will win?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 11,129 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 10/1/2008 - Published: 6/5/2008
A World Without Sound by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
AU, BxE. My name is Bella Swan; good at sign language and karate. My best friend is deaf, and you know what? It doesn't matter. Won twice at Twilight Awards, and has been nominated more. Please review!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 22 - Words: 105,849 - Reviews: 7609 - Favs: 8,678 - Follows: 2,445 - Updated: 9/27/2008 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Blue Moon Over Manka's by Cullenista reviews
Edward whisks Bella off to Manka's Inverness Lodge for a romantic weekend. She’s insecure, he has doubts and they finally deal with all their issues honestly, including Jacob. Winner of the Danger Magnet Award at the Denali Coven and four TwilightAwards.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 39 - Words: 240,484 - Reviews: 4080 - Favs: 2,018 - Follows: 1,612 - Updated: 9/27/2008 - Published: 2/7/2008 - Edward, Bella
Heatwave by Ruby-Wednesday reviews
When an unexpected Heatwave hits Forks, it allows Edward and Bella to leave their problems behind and have some fun! Set between Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. Now Complete!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 39 - Words: 109,924 - Reviews: 4846 - Favs: 3,034 - Follows: 1,548 - Updated: 9/27/2008 - Published: 1/4/2008 - Complete
Angels Belong In Heaven by LittleMissEmo reviews
Jayeliwood's Sexy Eddie contest. Angels belong in heaven. Demons belong in hell. What happens when these lines are crossed? A revelation. EXB lemon.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,578 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 457 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 9/26/2008 - Published: 9/11/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
You Know You're Disgusted with Twilight When by Karin Ochibi-chan reviews
Here are some things extreme Twilight haters like to do in their free time. The purpose of this is to create laughs and to have fun. October 6: "You Know You're Obsessed with Twilight when..." will be posted for those who are huge Twilight fans. Have fun!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 994 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 9/25/2008 - Complete
Exceptions by Xo.Simply.Jasmine.oX reviews
FOR JAYELIWOOD'S SEXY EDWARD CONTEST- Edward is a pediatrician, but will he make an exception fo his wife? OF COURSE! smutty and lemony,enjoy! Doctor Edward and Patient Bella.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,511 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 9/25/2008 - Published: 9/14/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Let's Talk Politics by Delilah Lovett reviews
For Jayeliwood's Sexy Edward Contest. Governor Edward decides to talk politics and other things with fiesty Protestor Bella. Let's see how much work they get done. R&R please :D M for lemon!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,270 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 12 - Published: 9/22/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Being Mrs Black by binaryeclipse reviews
Edward/Bella. Reimagining of Twilight. What if the Cullens don't arrive until three years *after* Bella does? What if Bella married her best friend before ever meeting Edward? Can a love ordained by Fate break sacred vows? Only Bella can make that choice.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 37,616 - Reviews: 235 - Favs: 104 - Follows: 136 - Updated: 9/20/2008 - Published: 5/15/2008
The Book by Love For Secrets reviews
Bella was changed when the wolves were just a few seconds to late to save her form Laurent. She's started at a new school and is giving a book to read. What happenes when she realizes that this book is what happened in her life years ago? AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,114 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 9/17/2008 - Published: 8/29/2008 - Edward, Bella
You Play With Fire & It's Gonna Burn You by Mezzanottex3 reviews
ExB: "I wanted her. I needed her. And so help me God, I would make her mine tonight." For Jayeliwood's Sexy Edward contest. ONESHOT. LEMON. "Does he make you feel this way, Bella?"
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,669 - Reviews: 358 - Favs: 959 - Follows: 201 - Published: 9/16/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Misadventures in Online Dating by eccentric chams reviews
Convinced by his mom to try online dating, Edward goes into it with little enthusiasm. After several misadventures and never believing he could find love on the internet, will everything he once believed in change when he meets Bella Swan? ALL HUMAN.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 65,941 - Reviews: 743 - Favs: 678 - Follows: 349 - Updated: 9/15/2008 - Published: 6/25/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better by xxsparklesnick reviews
All through grade school, that boy with the soft bronze hair had been haunting her. He was her most bitter rival, her worst enemy. When she finally thought he was out of her life, he comes back - will he turn her life upside down again? Edward/Bella.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 48,931 - Reviews: 1064 - Favs: 838 - Follows: 315 - Updated: 9/13/2008 - Published: 8/6/2008 - Complete
What Would Never Exist by ginnyinvisible reviews
I could see our children, black-haired and blue eyed, running into the distance." A short one-shot about the children who would never exist, living in the darkness because of what could have been. Please try it. J/B shippers will like.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 891 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/13/2008 - Jacob, Bella - Complete
Elegiac by Maiden of the Moon reviews
“Your first day as a human will cost you your Past. The second, your Present. The third, your Future. In short,” the sea witch purred, staring into the mermaid’s dumbstruck eyes, “come day three, I’ll own your soul. And you will not get it back.” EdxBe AU
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 28,943 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 9/11/2008 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Love Over The Other by deadgoddess reviews
Everything stopped at that moment. I felt nothing but his touch. It was a shame that this was going to be the first and last intimate moment I could ever share with him... -AU. Oneshot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,005 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Little Pink Envelope by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
One of those typical, Bella/Edward one-night stand and getting pregnant stories, but very original plot! Bella knows Edward's name but he doesn't know hers. What happens when they meet up again five years later? All human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 33,854 - Reviews: 2162 - Favs: 2,104 - Follows: 648 - Updated: 9/6/2008 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Awww! Now Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf? by LindaRoo reviews
Things get wild at the Cullen house when Jake and Alice plan a Halloween party for Nessie. Winner of the Humor Category of Twilighted's Missing Moments fanfic challenge!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,086 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 175 - Follows: 96 - Published: 9/3/2008 - Edward, Jacob
Babysitting by runaway xo reviews
All Human! Bella is stuck babysitting the devil himself, when she notices a strange color in the corner of a sliding glass door. "It was a strange auburn color, almost brick-like, but not as dull." AU. B/E. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,606 - Reviews: 138 - Favs: 280 - Follows: 62 - Published: 9/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Advisory by tom kafr reviews
Bella goes to Forks for an inner-country exchange program. Who will she meet? Will she be able to stay away from her family for six months? Read and review, please!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,646 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/31/2008 - Bella, Edward
A Night Without Stars by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
One-shot. All human. Edward died in the 9/11 attacks. It's the one year anniversary and Bella visits his grave. She remembers their best nights as she fills him in on her life. Very, very sad.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,783 - Reviews: 584 - Favs: 615 - Follows: 101 - Published: 8/30/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Twilight Fanfiction Etiquette by Insanity's Partner reviews
Everything--And I mean EVERYTHING--there is to know about writing a Twilight fanfiction. I've got it down from Planning, to Summaries, to Grammar, to Other Characters, to Research...and even what to do when you get a writer's block! -Version 3.0-
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,792 - Reviews: 214 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 8/30/2008 - Published: 6/30/2007 - Complete
You Got Love! by xxsparklesnick reviews
Isabella Swan has been crushing on her best friend's brother, Edward Cullen, for a while and at the same time she can't stand him. Her online friend has been there for her through it all, but what happens when his identity is revealed? All Human, ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 64,288 - Reviews: 1896 - Favs: 1,811 - Follows: 644 - Updated: 8/28/2008 - Published: 7/1/2008 - Complete
10 Steps To Seducing Your Hot Virgin Vampire BF by halojones reviews
This story starts off after Edward rebuffs Bella's modest advances in their newly acquired bed in Edward's room. But things take a turn for the better for these two lovesick kids when Alice takes things into her own hands. Never bet against Alice!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 92,432 - Reviews: 5065 - Favs: 2,956 - Follows: 1,437 - Updated: 8/28/2008 - Published: 3/4/2008 - Complete
Of all the Random Things to Notice by im with the vampires3 reviews
Edward doesn't get it. why is Bella laughing at the popcorn package? He'll soon find out...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 877 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 8/27/2008 - Published: 7/1/2008 - Edward, Bella
Student Body by Jayeliwood reviews
During a partically boring class with a rather-interesting- teacher Edward needs distracting and Bella knows exactly how to do it. Another Example for the Sexy Edward Contest!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,606 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 545 - Follows: 100 - Published: 8/27/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
America's Most Hated by summerg94 reviews
Edward's lives for his work as an auditor. When he goes to audit the owner of an ice-cream shop, he meets the beautiful, free spirited and stubborn Bella. Will Bella be able to break down Edward's tough exterior or will her repugnance for him overcome her
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,070 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 139 - Updated: 8/22/2008 - Published: 4/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
Beauty and the Geek by Emmeline Rose reviews
Edward Cullen is your average high school geek, the complete opposite from the popular Bella Swan and her friends Alice and Rosalie. Will Bella become the down-to-earth girl she had once been after Edward decides to change? All human
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 65,935 - Reviews: 526 - Favs: 546 - Follows: 188 - Updated: 8/20/2008 - Published: 8/2/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Attack Of The Cliches! by NotToBeMessedWith reviews
Sick of overly cliched Twilight fics? Well, here's your chance to laugh at exactly how stupid they are! A new cliche whenever I can! Now featuring cliches written by our readers! I do love being cruel... T for some swearing. And remember to hate on Jake!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 27 - Words: 24,727 - Reviews: 1065 - Favs: 313 - Follows: 206 - Updated: 8/20/2008 - Published: 10/21/2007 - Complete
One Hundred in Six word stories by janya.wrote.nightrose reviews
One Hundred Stories. Each exactly six words long. All independant, individual stories, implying and remolding the relationship between Bella and Jacob. Please R&R.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 775 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 18 - Published: 8/19/2008 - Jacob, Bella - Complete
Emmett's Irritation by Heartbroken1 reviews
Since Nessie’s birth Jacob Black has become a thorn in Rosalie’s side. And what bothers Rosalie eventually ends up irritating Emmett too. For the Twilighted Breaking Dawn Missing Moments Challenge. Category: Humor. Chapter 26, approximately Page 522.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,096 - Reviews: 55 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 22 - Published: 8/18/2008 - Emmett, Jacob - Complete
Teach the Heart to Reflect the Wound by apocalypse cabaret reviews
AU. Because in the end I always get the better of me.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 25 - Words: 35,258 - Reviews: 426 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 122 - Updated: 8/17/2008 - Published: 7/5/2007 - Complete
Breaking Barriers by kajibot reviews
Series of One-Shots: Renesmee, feeling jealous after witnessing a "moment" between Jake and Bella, resolves to make him see her as more than just his hybrid obligation and as someone he could possibly fall in love with and desire. Post BD, Jake/Nessie.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 10,754 - Reviews: 87 - Favs: 102 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 8/14/2008 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Complete
Some Things Are Worth Dying For by fanta-faerie reviews
Jake REALLY wants to hold her hand. But the six pairs of vampire eyes behind them aren't quite going to let him...funny!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 608 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 10 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Jacob, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Too Late by Stealthmuffin reviews
The day the sun went dark. Edward & Bella
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 794 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Camp Wilderness by muggleinlove reviews
Bella has never had a boyfriend thanks to her protective brother Emmett. Edward has never found someone he could be with. What happens when they both become camp counselors for a summer. ALL HUMAN and Normal Pairings
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 35 - Words: 59,830 - Reviews: 3121 - Favs: 3,184 - Follows: 924 - Updated: 8/14/2008 - Published: 4/15/2008 - Complete
Figure it Out by thunder skies reviews
“Do you want to hear my theory?” “No.” “Too bad.” Post Breaking Dawn. Jacob and Leah have a talk about imprinting, true love, and other such things. Jacob/Leah.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,060 - Reviews: 154 - Favs: 282 - Follows: 32 - Published: 8/13/2008 - Jacob, Leah - Complete
Bloody Haze by Ereeen reviews
Our favorite gang finds themselves in the middle of a bloody rampage while visiting a water park. WHAT COULD HAPPEN?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,281 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 17 - Published: 8/13/2008
Elégie Adagio by skinnylovex reviews
Bella's dream of going to the most honored music conservatory are finally fulfilled. Along the way, she meets some of the best friends she could ask for, and maybe a gorgeous piano player, too. All human AU.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 82,712 - Reviews: 649 - Favs: 1,042 - Follows: 307 - Updated: 8/12/2008 - Published: 5/25/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Another Day, Another Destiny by yupXimXmuchXcooler reviews
Edward is a bitter actor playing Marius in the revival of Les Miserable. When Bella Swan, a popular singer, gets to play the part of Eponine, they meet and the world explodes! Okay, not really, but there is some drama. ALL HUMAN. R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,727 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 61 - Updated: 8/11/2008 - Published: 7/27/2008 - Bella, Edward
Because by Stealthmuffin reviews
It's because of the way she makes my heart beat. Jacob & Alice
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 829 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 3 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Jacob, Alice - Complete
When We Were Young by Fall Down Again Bella reviews
Edward and Bella have been friends since they were toddlers. When they grow older, will their friendship become something more? Stories from when they were little, through teen and adult years. Modern day. T for later chapters.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 46 - Words: 132,723 - Reviews: 5657 - Favs: 2,901 - Follows: 886 - Updated: 8/11/2008 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Sex And Vampires by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
The summary is NOT fanfiction appropriate. You'll have to read it in the first chapter. This is the long awaited replacement for When Life Gives You Lemons - not a sequel or a rewrite. BXE Filled with lemony goodness and a plot. Complete.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 32,605 - Reviews: 1649 - Favs: 1,280 - Follows: 810 - Updated: 8/9/2008 - Published: 6/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
Music Lessons by blondie AKA robin reviews
SPOILERS FOR BREAKING DAWN. A missing moment from the book, some fatherly bonding time. Fluffy one-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,152 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 364 - Follows: 47 - Published: 8/8/2008 - Edward, Jacob - Complete
Breaking Dawn Sing Along! by LindaRoo reviews
American Pie" by Don McLean set to the plot of Breaking Dawn. You'll laugh.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 976 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 12 - Published: 8/8/2008 - Bella, Edward
Every Father's Sacrifice by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
BD SPOILERS. Just a cute, fluffy little one-shot. Nessie discovers pick-up lines, and her and her mother use them on Daddy. EPOV.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,840 - Reviews: 468 - Favs: 902 - Follows: 155 - Published: 8/7/2008 - Edward, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Blind by Jayeliwood reviews
AU,OOC, All human. Disability doesn't mean you're not able. Can Edward get over his disability and himself to find true happiness with someone who cares deeply for him. Will he do anything to become whole for her? Winner of 3 Twilightawards best author!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 50 - Words: 155,946 - Reviews: 7106 - Favs: 6,185 - Follows: 1,421 - Updated: 8/6/2008 - Published: 6/11/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Cloud Nine by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
WINNER at the Twilight Awards! Best Nessie and Jacob fic. Post Breaking Dawn. Jake and Nessie's first kiss. J/R ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,002 - Reviews: 283 - Favs: 303 - Follows: 54 - Published: 8/6/2008 - Jacob, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
Restraint by Chedea reviews
Edward meets the personification of obsession when a girl stumbles on he and his family. With his self control challenged by a girl whose identity is a mystery, his family must decide what to do when their secret is revealed to a girl Edward can't ignore
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 84,107 - Reviews: 354 - Favs: 249 - Follows: 270 - Updated: 8/5/2008 - Published: 8/14/2007
Butterfly Kisses by l'heure bleue reviews
”It's a father's right,” Charlie explained to me, a smile dancing on his lips. ”To steal his baby girl away from the groom ... for just one dance.” - Edward watches Renesmee on her wedding day. TWILIGHT AWARD WINNER!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,361 - Reviews: 534 - Favs: 625 - Follows: 104 - Published: 8/4/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Funeral Mute by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Edward is a soul collector and Bella just died – more funny than dark. These are not my personal beliefs. ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,395 - Reviews: 238 - Favs: 289 - Follows: 46 - Published: 8/4/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Smoke and Mirrors by Saiyachick reviews
Bella has a nightmare involving hybrids, childbirth, imprints, and much more. For those who did not enjoy Breaking Dawn. Spoilers. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 734 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 100 - Follows: 14 - Published: 8/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Lava Lamp by Saiyachick reviews
For once, Edward's fascination was the cause of Bella's harm. In response to Eowyn77's Danger Magnet Challenge.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 971 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 12 - Published: 8/1/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Roommate by Skyloe reviews
Everyone is out of college and ready to live on their own. Too bad for Bella there's no available apartments close to her job. When she runs into a guy from highschool, her luck starts to turn around and she finds something she never expected to find.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 125,567 - Reviews: 1085 - Favs: 1,904 - Follows: 815 - Updated: 7/31/2008 - Published: 1/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Pomme De Sang by Aspirenauthoress reviews
A more grown up Breaking Dawn. Bella and Edward become closer as the wedding nears. When she's finally changed she gains a power that helps her feed. Mixing themes from the Hamilton Vampire series. Not a crossover, AU. Very Mature, be warned!
Crossover - Twilight & Vampires - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 27 - Words: 124,109 - Reviews: 1553 - Favs: 1,111 - Follows: 971 - Updated: 7/31/2008 - Published: 4/2/2008 - Bella
Picking Charlie's Brain by vjgm reviews
It is Post Breaking Dawn, and Bella is changed, and married to Edward. Charlie finds out that Bella is a vampire, but no one believes him. They take him to the hospital and put him under the care of the skilled Dr. Dover! Fun ensues :
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,413 - Reviews: 375 - Favs: 387 - Follows: 104 - Published: 7/31/2008 - Charlie S. - Complete
Needs and Wants by averysubtlegift reviews
All human. B/E Edward and Bella meet, but Bella has a long-distance boyfriend named Jacob. Will the course of true love run smooth? Does Alice know more about the future than she's letting on? Fluff, drama, and "lemonade".
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 37 - Words: 148,685 - Reviews: 2621 - Favs: 2,092 - Follows: 798 - Updated: 7/30/2008 - Published: 3/22/2008 - Complete
In Loving Memory of IS, a Twilight Fanfiction by VampricFaeryGirl reviews
When I first met Edward Cullen, I had a feeling that I had met him before. I never would have guessed though that I really had, except, I wasn't me. - Mostly Romance and Humor. Timeline: after Eclipse.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 159,869 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 77 - Follows: 43 - Updated: 7/30/2008 - Published: 5/18/2008 - Bella - Complete
Burn Beautiful by kajibot reviews
After Bella is turned, a million problems arise. The werewolves are furious, Victoria is still thirsty for revenge, and suddenly, Edward and Bella's relationship takes an unexpected turn, bringing them somewhere neither of them have gone before.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 94,673 - Reviews: 1169 - Favs: 744 - Follows: 445 - Updated: 7/29/2008 - Published: 1/6/2007 - Complete
I'm With You: Sequel to When You're Gone by sylamesio123 reviews
Bella has Edward back. Her boyfriend thinks she has killed Edward and so do the Cullens. And she needs to escape from the Volturi who could easily kill her for lying. It couldn't be that hard. Could it be?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,497 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 7/28/2008 - Published: 7/2/2008 - Bella, Edward
A Life Stolen by newfoundlove reviews
Sequel to A Heart's Savior. Bella and Edward are happily married, starting on this new chapter of their life together - a baby. Is the tragedy that falls upon them survivable? All Human/AU, Rated M for sexual content and adult themes.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 54,633 - Reviews: 1305 - Favs: 1,812 - Follows: 661 - Updated: 7/28/2008 - Published: 5/11/2008 - Complete
Rainbows and Pink Markers by Samantha-Paige-Cullen reviews
What is Edward most afraid of? Could it be lurking in one of Bella's desk drawers?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 432 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 7 - Published: 7/27/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Awesome Emmettness by Raychelle Edwards reviews
A series of pranks, craziness, and much more. A date with Mike at the amusement park? Embarrassing pics posted all over the most popular hang out? Edward in just a towel and glued to a chair? Carlisle in a compromising position.Oh the possibilities!R&R!OO
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 15 - Words: 21,011 - Reviews: 341 - Favs: 278 - Follows: 149 - Updated: 7/26/2008 - Published: 6/10/2007 - Complete
Pizza by Saiyachick reviews
Emmett realizes just how important Edward is to Bella. Set during Twilight.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 345 - Reviews: 103 - Favs: 144 - Follows: 23 - Published: 7/25/2008 - Emmett - Complete
A Burning Passion by Stacie-Ann Halliwell reviews
My name is Liberty Belle but I go by Belle. My twin brother and I are foster kids. My brother's name is Chris and we live with Mike Newton, but he's not our parents no, our parents are Vampires... Full summery inside, not your typlical Vamp Child story!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 34,884 - Reviews: 214 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 7/19/2008 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Emmett, Rosalie - Complete
Can I Borrow Your Umbrella? by AutumnRhythm reviews
It started with a grudge, and turned into something much, much more. They say you walk a fine line between love and hate. E X B
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 79,863 - Reviews: 1544 - Favs: 1,285 - Follows: 1,463 - Updated: 7/15/2008 - Published: 1/11/2008
Why Me? by Kaytoko reviews
Comedic takes on little human Bella's life around the Cullens. A short story collection.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 12,680 - Reviews: 225 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 76 - Updated: 7/11/2008 - Published: 4/12/2006 - Bella, Edward - Complete
A Heart's Savior by newfoundlove reviews
AU/Human. A blustery night in Chicago, Bella was saved from an attack by a handsome stranger, a stranger with his own issues, a broken heart. Can Bella take down the walls he so expertly crafted? BxE, RxE, JxA. Rated M for sexual themes and strong lang.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 62,446 - Reviews: 1385 - Favs: 3,849 - Follows: 819 - Updated: 7/11/2008 - Published: 2/27/2008 - Complete
The Luckiest Survivors In History by Mezzanottex3 reviews
..."So let's say my bad luck did crash the plane. What exactly were you going to do about it?"... Bella and Edward find themselves in a rather ironic situation. ::edward x bella oneshot::
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,321 - Reviews: 267 - Favs: 583 - Follows: 66 - Published: 7/9/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Vicissitudes by Twilightzoner reviews
What would happen if the circumstances surrounding Bella's change were so traumatic, her human memories were erased? Could Edward make her fall in love with him a second time?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 41,120 - Reviews: 898 - Favs: 1,008 - Follows: 286 - Updated: 7/7/2008 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Complete
Pink Lace and Diamonds by ronOReds reviews
All she left behind was the pink lace and diamonds. Can Edward ever find the girl he got locked in the bathroom with again? Or will she find him.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,958 - Reviews: 383 - Favs: 590 - Follows: 195 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Complete
You've Got Mail by Nollie Marie reviews
When spontaneous emails are written, & response are sent back, 6 people in 3 different cities fall in love. Bella falls in love with someone who needs her, Alice stands up for her abused love one, & Emmett questions his actions around Rosalie’s “friends”.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 42 - Words: 85,180 - Reviews: 4313 - Favs: 1,331 - Follows: 609 - Updated: 7/5/2008 - Published: 3/29/2008 - Complete
A Hidden Secret by Stacie-Ann Halliwell reviews
When Edward leaves, something happens, something big. Bella's hurting, and she may not make it. But that's not the only thing, she finds out about something in her past, something that will change her future.....Please give it a chance! Full sum inside!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 24 - Words: 21,979 - Reviews: 248 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 7/5/2008 - Published: 6/25/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Blood Bath by I'm.Forbidden.Fruit reviews
Bella and Edward exploring some boundaries. Just some fluff, Dedicated to those who wanted Bella to drop the towel. Enjoy!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 18,518 - Reviews: 637 - Favs: 321 - Follows: 224 - Updated: 7/4/2008 - Published: 4/6/2008 - Complete
I Love You by runaway xo reviews
Sequel to Thirteen Reasons Why. Bella recieves her chance to tell Edward the thirteen reasons why she loves him.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,075 - Reviews: 750 - Favs: 447 - Follows: 608 - Updated: 7/3/2008 - Published: 5/31/2008
The Cullens plus Amusement Park equals DISASTER! by Twilight Fan Girls reviews
The Cullens want to have some family fun together and settle on heading to an amusement park. The boys make bets on who thet think will hit the most rides, and the winner gets to force the others into embarrassing dares...but who will win? NEW CHAPTER UP
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 32,480 - Reviews: 545 - Favs: 313 - Follows: 153 - Updated: 7/3/2008 - Published: 8/14/2007 - Complete
When You're Gone by sylamesio123 reviews
A girl lost goes to a meadow to find who she did not expect. This person has ruined her life and now she must go to Italy to be where she belongs. She finds herself at a crossroads. She must kill the one she once loved.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 12,374 - Reviews: 219 - Favs: 84 - Follows: 75 - Updated: 7/2/2008 - Published: 5/5/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Morgue by hellopants reviews
A funny no longer one-shot I came up with sitting in a hospital waiting room. Those crazy Cullen's are at it again! VAMPIRES! It's being continued thanks to bribes from My-Bella and E. C. Cullen. The new stuff is what happens when Edward gets home!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,696 - Reviews: 184 - Favs: 87 - Follows: 97 - Updated: 6/25/2008 - Published: 3/11/2008
Alive Together by TwilightSnowStar reviews
What would've happened if Bella and Edward had been given a chance to love while they were human? Or, more specifically, when Edward was human? The story of two loves, a sickness, a war, all in the lovely year of 1918.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 20,498 - Reviews: 541 - Favs: 171 - Follows: 202 - Updated: 6/23/2008 - Published: 6/29/2006 - Bella, Edward
honeyMOONING by DimentionQueen reviews
For yayme2012s Breaking Dawn Contest Bella and Edward's wedding has finally arrived, and all heck has broken loose. Bella gets drunk, Edward's in a Speedo-induced coma, the caterer insists on cat food, and Jasper bites a national pop icon! CRACKFIC
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,107 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/22/2008 - Complete
Photosynthesis by sylamesio123 reviews
Bella loves to volunteer at the local nursery for plants.Then Edward comes but just because he has to serve 700 hours of community service.But underneath Bella's perfect surface her and her family are hiding something.Can she trust Edward with her secret?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,486 - Reviews: 125 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 130 - Updated: 6/21/2008 - Published: 6/13/2008 - Bella, Edward
For You I Will by Xo-SARCASTIC-oX reviews
Edward is sick of disappearing into the walls at Forks High, the Girl of his dreams doesn't know he exists, tutoring kids music isn't going all that great,but when the 'IT' girl sees his notice, things start turning around for our fav piece of wall. cute
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 25,256 - Reviews: 700 - Favs: 494 - Follows: 365 - Updated: 6/20/2008 - Published: 12/28/2007 - Complete
Dream a Little Dream by nothingleft reviews
Bella is known for her vivid dreams. What happens after she is changed and no longer has sleep as an escape for her 'freaky' brain? Will her mind find another way to cope? This story tells of how Bella changes- once she's changed. Continuing my ExB fics
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 35 - Words: 52,244 - Reviews: 2742 - Favs: 1,026 - Follows: 511 - Updated: 6/18/2008 - Published: 2/6/2008 - Complete
The End of an Era by katiebee93 reviews
This story is a third person account of a day many years after Edward left Bella. He never went to Italy and he never returned for her. This story is about a pivotal event in both of their lives which I do not want to give away in the summary! Oneshot!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,028 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/12/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Insert Witty Bus Related Title Here by eccentricity is a virtue reviews
The Cullens go on a bus tour of Seattle; boredom, buses, bedlam.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,459 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 6/11/2008 - Published: 6/10/2008
All the Fun of the Fair by eccentricity is a virtue reviews
The Cullens go to the fair, as you may have guessed from the title!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 3,635 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/11/2008 - Published: 6/10/2008
The Cullens, To Bead Or Not To Bead? by eccentricity is a virtue reviews
Alice inflicts another torture upon her unsuspecting family. Beads, boredom, bedlam!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 3,597 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/10/2008 - Published: 5/26/2008 - Complete
Death Most Desired by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
Bella's cliff-dive killed her. And Edward's suicide trip to Italy was successful. The lover's reunite in a heaven-like dimensional plane, and get the closure they need. Lemon.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,483 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 396 - Follows: 69 - Published: 6/6/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Album Leaf by Luna Imper reviews
Who remembers you when you are gone?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,419 - Reviews: 144 - Favs: 144 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 6/5/2008 - Published: 3/24/2006 - Complete
No holding back by Jayeliwood reviews
Part of my series of one shots. AU/OOC. Edward decided not to hold back the first day he saw Bella. He sweeps her away and there is no holding back. If he's going to hell, he might as well do it throughly. Dark.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 16,470 - Reviews: 466 - Favs: 518 - Follows: 173 - Updated: 6/4/2008 - Published: 5/28/2008 - Complete
love is truly something by YinDragonVampire reviews
sequal to truth or dare with seducing.bellas pregnant,edward ecstatic,charlies fuming,emmett & jasper teasing continues on,lemons,and everything you loved about the last one times ten!edward gets bella pregant and this is their funny little adventure. R&R
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 13,797 - Reviews: 1232 - Favs: 772 - Follows: 912 - Updated: 6/2/2008 - Published: 9/11/2007
I AM Silent by Child-Of-God13 reviews
Bella is vampire that moves to Forks with her vampire "parents". She can see all of your past thoughts and whole life in a single touch. The catch: she hasn't spoken since her change. Can the Cullens get her to speak? ExB First chap a double chap
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 32,448 - Reviews: 1468 - Favs: 957 - Follows: 440 - Updated: 6/2/2008 - Published: 2/14/2008 - Complete
Edward Sundae by Amethyst Jackson reviews
It's exactly how it sounds.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,770 - Reviews: 149 - Favs: 416 - Follows: 73 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Complete
Closer by Amethyst Jackson reviews
AU version of the end of Eclipse – when Edward and Bella go to their meadow, Bella decides to take Edward up on his offer.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,219 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 503 - Follows: 94 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Complete
Torture by Amethyst Jackson reviews
After Bella has an interesting dream, Edward finds a way to satisfy her. Before, you know, she spontaneously combusts.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,789 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 327 - Follows: 82 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Complete
Thirteen Reasons Why by runaway xo reviews
Edward proves his love to Bella by showing her thirteen reasons why he loves her. Takes place after Eclipse. Major Fluff. NOW COMPLETE!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 43,971 - Reviews: 1440 - Favs: 1,361 - Follows: 415 - Updated: 5/31/2008 - Published: 3/2/2008 - Complete
My Miracle, My Angel by l'heure bleue reviews
My name is Bella Swan, and I'm pregnant. My fiancé is overprotective, and won't even let me walk up the stairs alone. So what could possibly go wrong? Mood swings, cravings and name games, to name a few. — WINNER of 4 Twilight Awards! WRITTEN BEFORE BD!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 35 - Words: 100,422 - Reviews: 3503 - Favs: 2,683 - Follows: 788 - Updated: 5/28/2008 - Published: 3/22/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Ooops! by Wishes and Words and Etcetera reviews
Bella accidentally reveals a human trait that she is not entirely proud of. To Jasper and Emmett. One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 425 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 3 - Published: 5/26/2008 - Complete
As Bella Sleeps by blondie AKA robin reviews
A Midnight Sun-like one-shot. Edward hears Bella say 'I love you' for the first time. In his words.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,266 - Reviews: 228 - Favs: 525 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 5/23/2008 - Published: 1/31/2008 - Complete
This Lullaby by jojoStarr reviews
Bella leaves her home in Phoenix, AZ and goes to Cullen University in Seattle, WA to pursue her dream as a musician. What happens when she meets the principal's son Edward Cullen? But most importantly, what sort of threat does an ex pose to her life?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 24 - Words: 66,560 - Reviews: 1792 - Favs: 1,480 - Follows: 520 - Updated: 5/15/2008 - Published: 2/6/2008 - Complete
Family Therapy Cullen Style by vjgm reviews
Carlisle has had it with the children's constant bickering so he sends the Cullen's to family therapy. Suicidal Edward,Bella's fear of committment, Alice addicted to shopping, Rosalie's hostility, Emmett and Japer's gambling..who will survive? FUNNY
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 69,221 - Reviews: 8290 - Favs: 7,413 - Follows: 1,695 - Updated: 5/15/2008 - Published: 11/10/2007 - Complete
Names by KlutzLike Bella reviews
Bella and Edward have a conversation that leaves Edward speechless....
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,138 - Reviews: 182 - Favs: 305 - Follows: 39 - Published: 5/11/2008 - Complete
Look Alike by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
The Cullens watch Goblet of Fire and notice that a certain wizard looks like a certain vampire, fluffy and a little funny. BXE One-shot Very short.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,223 - Reviews: 258 - Favs: 413 - Follows: 56 - Published: 5/6/2008 - Complete
Oops? by l'heure bleue reviews
—3: Rock Hard— "Rock HARD ON... get it?" It was on a normal day that I almost died for the second time. Or ... as normal a day as humanly – haha! Humanly ... – possible at the Cullen house.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,430 - Reviews: 442 - Favs: 343 - Follows: 220 - Updated: 5/6/2008 - Published: 4/8/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Rebirth by Jayeliwood reviews
Bella is reborn and becomes the vampire she's always wanted to be. But what will she do when she has to compete with Tanya? She was never a normal human, would she ever be a normal vamp? EPOV Lemony, just to let you know.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 15 - Words: 26,695 - Reviews: 486 - Favs: 678 - Follows: 184 - Updated: 5/6/2008 - Published: 4/24/2008 - Complete
Sex Education With Emmett by Daddy's Little Cannibal reviews
Emmett gives Bella the sex talk. One-shot Rated for safety. Winner of Best One-Shot short for Twilight Awards.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,024 - Reviews: 420 - Favs: 742 - Follows: 98 - Published: 5/5/2008 - Complete
He's the Man by elise-marieCULLEN reviews
AU. Edward Cullen disguises himself as sister Alice and attends her school only to find himself falling for his roommate, Bella Swan. Will he be able to control his feelings for her or will Bella think a girl has a crush on her? All Human. R&R
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 57,069 - Reviews: 895 - Favs: 386 - Follows: 434 - Updated: 5/3/2008 - Published: 1/9/2008
Extraordinary by Ava Sinclair reviews
Twilight fangirl Elisa Jensen is well aware that there's not much in life she can't mess up on an epic scale, but the last thing she ever thought she'd be able to ruin was the storyline to her favorite series...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 59,217 - Reviews: 210 - Favs: 149 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 5/2/2008 - Published: 4/13/2008 - Complete
The Queen of the Stars by EclipseoftheTwilightMoon reviews
Edward met Bella as a baby & felt the connection but denied it. Alice saw Bella coming into Edward's life. Is Bella's destiny more important than she knows and does Carlisle and Alice know it? 1st Fanfic. Was rated T, now rated M for darker parts, semi AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 44 - Words: 153,497 - Reviews: 635 - Favs: 604 - Follows: 270 - Updated: 5/1/2008 - Published: 10/20/2007 - Complete
Color Me Beautiful by runaway xo reviews
Completely and utterly pointless fluff. Edward tells Bella about the many colors he loves to see her wear. Short one-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 757 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 19 - Published: 4/26/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Rules For Dealing With The Cullens by Sapphire Vial reviews
The unwritten rules have now been written with commentary from all the characters. Rule #1: don't bleed.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 4,065 - Reviews: 82 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 4/26/2008 - Published: 1/18/2008
Love Thy Neighbour by BookMe reviews
Alice and Rosalie work at Vogue and need an interesting topic for their next month's article. Edward moves into town, and Bella has two weeks off work. What will happen when a pair of sneeky Cupids come out to play? All Human.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 63,134 - Reviews: 738 - Favs: 709 - Follows: 267 - Updated: 4/22/2008 - Published: 3/24/2008 - Complete
Bellatouille by cookybabe reviews
AU: All human. Bella is a chef in a classy restaurant. She learns that passion for food and another chef can whip up one tasty and incredible recipe. Filled with fun tales of the restaurant life, a giant splash of romance, and a dash of clumsiness. BxE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 36,036 - Reviews: 586 - Favs: 964 - Follows: 321 - Updated: 4/20/2008 - Published: 12/10/2007 - Complete
Cinderella by l'heure bleue reviews
”I will dance with Cinderella ... I don't want to miss even one song. 'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight, and she'll be gone...” — WINNER of 2 Twilight Awards!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,073 - Reviews: 246 - Favs: 258 - Follows: 40 - Published: 4/14/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Self Imposed Purgatory by The Romanticidal Edwardian reviews
This is my version of Bella's "tantrum" after Renee came to take her down to Florida that first week when Edward left. Review please! One-shot.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,824 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 9 - Published: 4/11/2008 - Bella
Angels Cry by summerg94 reviews
Bella was pushed off a cliff and becomes an angel and remains forever 17. When Bella befriends the gorgeous but miserable human Edward, she wonders how their love for each other would ever survive. ExB Summary on Profile
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 575 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 130 - Published: 4/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
Revelations by MyLion.MyLamb reviews
What happens when Edwards family pushes him to sleep with Bella & the voice in the back of his head taunts him to no end? Will he give in? does Edward have a reason for not wanting to be with bella?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,484 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 4/5/2008 - Published: 2/24/2008 - Complete
Messing with Mike by Heartbroken1 reviews
Originally chapter 26 in ‘One Bite…’ but it’s too funny for all the Edward lovers to miss : Enjoy! The Cullens have returned to Forks, and they’ve decided to watch over Bella while she’s at work. It’s Emmett’s turn, and simply staying in the shadows.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,188 - Reviews: 76 - Favs: 109 - Follows: 20 - Published: 4/3/2008 - Complete
Lost in the Passion by ridiculouskopec reviews
Edward meets up with a chick from his past ELYSE. Edward plans to let Bella live her life, and not have his heart broken and stay with Elyse. Bella isn't staying around to watch things happen though. oooh drama.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 53,293 - Reviews: 324 - Favs: 115 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 3/30/2008 - Published: 9/20/2006 - Complete
Believe It, Beloved by Cullenista reviews
What did Alice & Jasper do while Bella was asleep in that Phoenix hotel room? Alice is anxious and he’ll do anything to calm her down. A one shot set during that troubled time in Twilight because we can never get enough Alice & Jazz love. Can we? Huh?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,254 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 12 - Published: 3/20/2008 - Complete
Hitched by Nollie Marie reviews
What happens here, doesn't ALWAYS stay here. It took Bella one cheating ex-boyfriend and a few drinks to find herself married to Edward Cullen, who is handsome, weathly, and isn't about to let her go that quite easily. Please R&R. /Slightly OOC?/
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 65,289 - Reviews: 3519 - Favs: 4,425 - Follows: 1,181 - Updated: 3/16/2008 - Published: 11/16/2007 - Complete
Good Morning Bella by ronOReds reviews
It's Bella's last Thursday as a human, and the Cullen siblings introduce Bella to a concept called "Thirsty Thursdays." Listen as Edward recounts the story of her crazy night!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,243 - Reviews: 736 - Favs: 760 - Follows: 122 - Published: 3/10/2008 - Complete
Star Struck by Heartbroken1 reviews
Emmett gets a little star stuck and accidentally dazzles a beautiful blonde -- who isn’t Rosalie. --- For the President’s Day Twilight Challenge. “Write a story about a Cullen ‘rubbing elbows’ with a famous historical figure.”
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,019 - Reviews: 59 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 13 - Published: 2/18/2008 - Complete
Facing the Music by Eowyn77 reviews
Forks is rocked by a scandal involving the perfect Cullens.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 11,855 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 210 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 2/16/2008 - Published: 9/18/2007 - Complete
No Ordinary Cinderella: Once Upon A Time by Just Your Average Teenage Girl reviews
α тαℓє σƒ α gιяℓ ωнσ нαѕ ησтнιηg єℓѕє тσ тαкє, ωнσ нαѕ ησтнιηg єℓѕє ƒσя нєя ƒαтнєя тσ вяєαк, ѕнє ιѕ вєαтєη αηd ѕнє ιѕ вяυιѕєd, ωнαт мσяє ιѕ тнєяє ℓєƒт тσ ℓσѕe? ѕσ ωнαт нαρρєηѕ, dσ ρяαу dσ тєℓℓ, ωнєη тнє cυℓℓєηѕ тяу тσ нєℓρ нєя єѕcαρє ƒяσм нєя нєℓℓ...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 28,352 - Reviews: 689 - Favs: 147 - Follows: 144 - Updated: 2/16/2008 - Published: 11/19/2007
Home Improvement Cullen Style by hellopants reviews
This is what My-Bella and myself think would happen if The beloved Cullen's had to go to a home improvement store. Oh for the love of a toilet! what will we do with our dear sweet Emmett.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,518 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 260 - Follows: 74 - Updated: 2/15/2008 - Published: 2/11/2008 - Complete
Twilight Fanfiction is Scary! by Alexander-In-Autumn reviews
Everyone loves a good old heated up Twilight fanfiction. But how will Edward and Bella react when they go on to the fan fiction network by the advice of Alice and read some? please R&R!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,315 - Reviews: 373 - Favs: 202 - Follows: 238 - Updated: 2/8/2008 - Published: 7/12/2007
I'm Not Falling For You by ronOReds reviews
Bella get's picked to be on a dating reality show! How will the guys show their love and who will be the last one standing!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 60,235 - Reviews: 3243 - Favs: 2,522 - Follows: 703 - Updated: 2/7/2008 - Published: 12/17/2007 - Complete
That Was My Siblings by ronOReds reviews
Edward's family decides he needs a push in the right direction when it comes to getting physical with Bella. What methods do they resort to in order to get their message across!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,373 - Reviews: 377 - Favs: 527 - Follows: 99 - Published: 2/5/2008 - Complete
Love in Affliction by Saiyachick reviews
-:-1895 England-:-Edward Cullen has always been a ladies man, but after seeing his late father's will, he must choose a bride before his eighteenth birthday otherwise his betrothal to the heinous Duchess of West Essex will be activated.-:-AU-:-
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 44,810 - Reviews: 2288 - Favs: 3,220 - Follows: 891 - Updated: 2/1/2008 - Published: 9/3/2007 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Let's Go to This Drive Thru by writing love on your arms reviews
There's a reason why you never let Emmett and Jasper go to a drive-thru.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,836 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 6 - Published: 1/19/2008 - Complete
One Dozen Roses by Angel Ren reviews
Fluff! Again! Twilight, Valentine's Day. Three weeks after the Tyler's Van incident, Bella Swan finds herself on the radar for many a suitor. But who in the world keeps leaving her roses in the most impossible places? BellaEdward Fluffic! Series
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 21,671 - Reviews: 880 - Favs: 1,444 - Follows: 299 - Updated: 1/18/2008 - Published: 1/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Stranger Than Fiction by Aspen-SiredBySpike reviews
It was a normal night at the book shop until this guy came in. "Who's Edward?" He wanted to know. I answered him, not knowing why he would need all of this info on a fictional character. Why? For love... Or was it lust? Based on a true story. Seriously.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 459 - Reviews: 146 - Favs: 111 - Follows: 17 - Published: 1/9/2008 - Complete
Under Arrest by vjgm reviews
Add on to Family Therapy. Want to see what the Cullen kids did to get arrested and make Carlisle's Book of Shame? Read on! If you have not read family Therapy Cullen Style, this will not make sense.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,083 - Reviews: 698 - Favs: 1,062 - Follows: 291 - Published: 1/5/2008 - Complete
Dramas of the heart by Xo-SARCASTIC-oX reviews
What will you do when your best friend is the love of your life? What will you do when you have to put family before your other half? What do you do when, in the end, you're not even of the same species anymore? What is there to do? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 66,989 - Reviews: 804 - Favs: 342 - Follows: 361 - Updated: 1/4/2008 - Published: 4/7/2007
Edward vs John Tucker by My-Bella reviews
One Shot based on My First Year as a Cullen. While preparing to watch 'John Tucker Must Die', Bella & Jasper make a bet on Edward's reaction to the movie. Loser has to explain Bella's change of heart about 'Romeo & Juliet' to Edward. Who's going to tell?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,477 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 177 - Follows: 26 - Published: 12/23/2007 - Complete
The Experiment by nothingleft reviews
This one shot takes place at the end of Eclipse, after the meadow, before the wedding. Edward gets creative while trying to solve one of the complications of his being with Bella while she's human. In this case, his cold body temp. Hint Warm and Bubbly
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,966 - Reviews: 124 - Favs: 200 - Follows: 39 - Published: 12/17/2007 - Complete
La Cosa Nostra by Hersheys Rocks reviews
Au. 'Why don't you fear me' Fear? What did it matter? She was going to die anyway, like all the other hostages of La Cosa Nostra...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 27,046 - Reviews: 226 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 11/25/2007 - Published: 12/14/2006 - Complete
Promises by Genevieve Lee reviews
Bella stays home sick with the flu, but does not tell Edward. When he finds her missing from school, he worries and goes to see her. Just a fluffy one shot. Written as a gift for a friend upon request.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,662 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 28 - Published: 11/13/2007 - Complete
Cliffside by Lon-Dubh reviews
Not every fairy tale has a happy ending. A oneshot, on a character who forever lost her's.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,937 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11/11/2007 - Complete
God Bless Catastrophe by emilie whoa reviews
What if Renee never left Forks? How would that affect Bella when she meets the new kids her first day of Freshmen year at Forks High?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 37,602 - Reviews: 934 - Favs: 822 - Follows: 246 - Updated: 11/5/2007 - Published: 1/6/2007 - Complete
Nightfall by Black Angel reviews
As Bella and Edward grow even more comfortable with one another, the world seems to conspire against them. But no matter how hard things might get, they will always have each other. COMPLETE
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 118,969 - Reviews: 1701 - Favs: 1,505 - Follows: 665 - Updated: 10/30/2007 - Published: 3/4/2006 - Complete
Why We Shouldn't Meddle by Nari-chan SND reviews
Mary Suewriter is a normal teenage girl... until she writes a fanfiction involving a Sue who destroys the Potterverse. She is then punished by being thrust into the books to see what would really happen if someone showed up with all the answers. R&R!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 12 - Words: 22,753 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 10/29/2007 - Published: 9/2/2007 - Complete
Angela Observes Edward by Cullenista reviews
Angela gets to the cafeteria late on the Cullens first day at Forks High. What does she see and hear when she gets in line behind Edward? Written in response to Nadia’s challenge.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 657 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 47 - Follows: 13 - Published: 10/20/2007 - Complete
Adventures Online by Zukaddy reviews
What happens when the Cullens discover the power of the internet? What happens when Emmett becomes a Youtube star? All Reviews are loved and cherished! One shot
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 957 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 14 - Published: 10/7/2007 - Complete
Edward and the Kitten by Niamh929 reviews
Bella gets a new pet and of course it causes problems [ONESHOT]
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,817 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 21 - Published: 10/2/2007 - Complete
Vampires in Vegas by vjgm reviews
Alice and Rosalie decide to take Bella to Vegas for a bachelorette party against her will. The boys feeling leftout, decide to get themselves into a little trouble too. 1st fanfict...rated T
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 40,254 - Reviews: 1463 - Favs: 1,992 - Follows: 410 - Updated: 9/28/2007 - Published: 9/21/2007 - Complete
In Your Atmosphere by lovelyinherbones reviews
[We could live for a thousand years, but if I hurt you, I'd make wine from your tears.] Eclipse missing scene, slightly AU.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,228 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 6 - Published: 9/18/2007 - Complete
Edward and the Tampon by livelaughloveWRITE reviews
“What’s this?” He interrupted. He was holding a tampon. You’ve got to be kidding me. “It’s a tampon, Edward.” “What’s that?” I buried my face in my hands. This was not happening to me. “You really don’t know what it is?” “Do you eat it?”
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,599 - Reviews: 499 - Favs: 787 - Follows: 130 - Published: 9/15/2007 - Complete
truth or dare with seducing! by YinDragonVampire reviews
just another truth or dare game with the cullens while edward hunts...where bella is dared to seduce edward! lemons and hilarious teasings from Jasper and Emmett!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 13,932 - Reviews: 1183 - Favs: 1,007 - Follows: 374 - Updated: 9/10/2007 - Published: 8/29/2007 - Complete
Readjusting by Kapperz1212 reviews
Love has its boundaries. But does it have limits? Every action has a consequence and those consequences can leave a trail of carnage in their wake. So as the boundaries are readjusted are the natural limits of love breached?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 43,451 - Reviews: 1184 - Favs: 379 - Follows: 299 - Updated: 9/3/2007 - Published: 6/9/2007 - Complete
The Real Edward Cullen by iamcool511 reviews
What really happens when Edward goes hunting... When Emmett and Bella decide to surprise Edward, they see somthing that will change both of their lives forever. read & review!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 24,788 - Reviews: 394 - Favs: 167 - Follows: 193 - Updated: 8/21/2007 - Published: 1/4/2007
Of Vampires, Bears and Friendly Banter by Alcyone23 reviews
Carlisle convinces Aro to try animal blood. Aro has an interesting reaction.
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,079 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/11/2007 - Complete
The Talk by JasperHaleRox reviews
Emmett and Edward talk.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 744 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 30 - Published: 8/9/2007 - Complete
The Naked WolfBoys of La Push by sillybella reviews
I couldn’t help wondering about the werewolves’ clothes – or lack of them since they are always bursting out of them. I’ve been promised that the answer will be in Eclipse, so I figured I better hurry and write this before my hopes for naked wolfboys are
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,864 - Reviews: 179 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 8/6/2007 - Published: 8/5/2007 - Complete
Lidia Rua by Alcyone23 reviews
sillybella's July challenge. What passes through Marcus's head when he learns Edward loves a human?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 976 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 38 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/4/2007 - Complete
OMGWTFBBQ! by Alcyone23 reviews
The really bad, absolutely horrible, astoundingly stupid fic. Rated T for safety.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,569 - Reviews: 74 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/1/2007 - Published: 5/30/2007 - Complete
Just Like You by Bright Green Eyes reviews
A love like no other. A harsh separation. Jagged Change. Reunion, tension. 25 years of disdain, can they learn to rejoin? Can they overcome the obstacles of the past and present? B&E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 51,452 - Reviews: 373 - Favs: 218 - Follows: 223 - Updated: 7/31/2007 - Published: 6/23/2006
Remember Me by Tantalize reviews
AU: Edward never came back in New Moon. Bella never moved on. Even on her deathbed. Oneshot.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,031 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 7/30/2007 - Complete
Dusk 'Til Dawn by Books4love reviews
Bella begins another year at Fork, this time not alone. Set after Twilight. BellaXEdward pairing, of course. COMPLETE.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 40 - Words: 164,496 - Reviews: 957 - Favs: 617 - Follows: 278 - Updated: 7/28/2007 - Published: 8/6/2006 - Complete
The Birds and the Bees by Tee2007 reviews
Carlisle has The Talk with Edward so things are sure to go awry! The new chapter is finally here, thank you for waiting so patiently. Coming up next is Alice and Rosalie having The Talk with Bella, so stay tuned! Rated T for suggestive situations!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,989 - Reviews: 358 - Favs: 432 - Follows: 425 - Updated: 7/27/2007 - Published: 4/2/2007
Edward's Stalker by angelofmusicxo reviews
What happens when Bella's absent and there's a new teacher who happens to have an obsession with Edward? Starring: Creepy stalker teacher! REVIEW!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,336 - Reviews: 272 - Favs: 189 - Follows: 200 - Updated: 7/18/2007 - Published: 5/26/2007
100 Years to Live by not done baking reviews
New Moon never happens. Edward and Bella's senior year goes by quietly, except that Edward never made the promise to the Volturi. What's Bella to do with her 17-year-old boyfriend when she's twenty-something?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,093 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 7/9/2007 - Published: 7/4/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Where's The Love? by MarcyJ reviews
Jasper Hale has been keeping a secret from his family. What happens when the truth comes out in the most accidental of ways?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,008 - Reviews: 96 - Favs: 162 - Follows: 29 - Published: 7/5/2007 - Complete
We Teach Friends Health Insanity Room 191 by L.C.Candle reviews
Notice: Persons attempting to find a Motive in this narrative will be prosecuted persons attempting to find a Moral in it will be banished persons attempting to find a Plot in it will be shot. [Formally known as Welcome to Insanity Room 191]
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 29 - Words: 24,367 - Reviews: 388 - Favs: 82 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 6/23/2007 - Published: 11/24/2006
Loyalty and Love by Chedea reviews
Edward Cullen has left his family to join the Volturi. He is among the elite, respected, feared and envied. Can one human girl, placed under his charge to become a vampire, detroy all of this? What will win out, his loyalty or his love?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 83,645 - Reviews: 808 - Favs: 978 - Follows: 259 - Updated: 6/21/2007 - Published: 6/4/2007 - Complete
Edward's Very HumanLike Birthday by wanderlustlights reviews
It's Edward's birthday! Woot woot! Sure, the rest of the family gets Edward presents, but... what will Bella get for him? And why is Edward acting so strange?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,459 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 20 - Published: 6/20/2007 - Complete
The End of the Beginning by loveatfirstsite2 reviews
Mrs.Bella Cullen has finally arrived, something coming out of the doomed relationship at last.However, just when her hopes have risen, do they come out in vain, for Bella might have problems with this new life...problems that are just too dangerous.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 41,780 - Reviews: 173 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 6/19/2007 - Published: 9/20/2006 - Complete
Sleeping Beauty by ebtwisty9 reviews
It's Sleeping Beauty all over again, but the third faerie gave her gift before the evil one came. Bella is destined to die at age 16. Could Edward save her in time? ExB story
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 28 - Words: 54,947 - Reviews: 598 - Favs: 479 - Follows: 162 - Updated: 6/15/2007 - Published: 2/24/2007 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Breaking Boundaries by sillybella reviews
Edward and Bella remap some boundaries. Absolutely no plot, but probably more oneshots.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,596 - Reviews: 374 - Favs: 751 - Follows: 370 - Updated: 6/14/2007 - Published: 11/8/2006
Peonies by sillybella reviews
I return every year to watch the peonies bloom. Bella planted them to remind me of our love. “Because you won’t change me, and someday I’m going to die.” It's been twenty years since I left. Did she have the happy human life I wanted for her? AU E/B
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 22 - Words: 32,024 - Reviews: 1294 - Favs: 1,567 - Follows: 311 - Updated: 6/14/2007 - Published: 11/27/2006 - Complete
Waning by katje13 reviews
What if Vicky killed Charlie? If Renee decided Bella would be better living in Miami? BellaEdward OBLIGATORY DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN IT, Stephenie Meyer does.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 7,940 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 6/5/2007 - Published: 3/26/2007
And They Thought Vampires Ruled by EdwardIsMyLover reviews
They always knew Bella was different. But they can't even imagine just how different she really is. Something happens on her 18th birthday that will change her life forever.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 47,891 - Reviews: 560 - Favs: 777 - Follows: 233 - Updated: 6/1/2007 - Published: 1/31/2007 - Complete
The Apple Tree by IheartTwilight reviews
For Bella Swan, love bites. She's been hurt in relationships plenty of times and has said nothing. But not this time. This time, Bella bites back. [completed]
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Horror/Romance - Chapters: 12 - Words: 20,135 - Reviews: 236 - Favs: 133 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 6/1/2007 - Published: 7/23/2006 - Complete
Africa by katje13 reviews
The Cullens go to Africa to celebrate Emmett and Rosalie's 2nd wedding... chaos ensues. Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN IT! Stephenie Meyer does.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,320 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 5/30/2007 - Published: 5/10/2007
By Any Other Name by sillybella reviews
Set in the summer after Twilight. Pointless, funny fluff.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,763 - Reviews: 211 - Favs: 311 - Follows: 57 - Published: 5/18/2007 - Complete
The Birds & The Bees Emmett Style! by UnicornGoddess95 reviews
How does Bella get unglued from Edward? Find out and prepare to laugh! Complete for now...maybe I'll come up with more hilarity.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,515 - Reviews: 723 - Favs: 966 - Follows: 568 - Updated: 5/10/2007 - Published: 3/19/2007 - Complete
Alice and Renee go to Big Lots to buy Gnomes by LindaRoo reviews
“Spending eternity with a bad flashlight is not something to be taken lightly,” Alice said, her words riddled with cryptic vampirish meaning. “Forever is a long time to be stuck with a cheap LED light, especially when you’re awake at night a lot.”
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,676 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 123 - Follows: 22 - Published: 4/30/2007 - Complete
Bella gets Embarrassed by AliceTheVampire reviews
Yes, this is actually a REAL song. My mom turned on the radio and it came on. It wasn't the best song to listen to with your mother buuuuut. Lol.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 264 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 5 - Published: 3/21/2007 - Complete
Musings by Lomesir reviews
The thoughts and observations of Twilight characters at strategic points in their existences. :Marcus now posted:
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 10 - Words: 22,795 - Reviews: 129 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 3/17/2007 - Published: 4/16/2006 - Complete
Attention, WalMart Shoppers by sillybella reviews
Edward has decided Bella needs protection. What kind ofprotection? The kind you can buy at Walmart. In the pharmacy.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,536 - Reviews: 1714 - Favs: 3,093 - Follows: 617 - Updated: 1/29/2007 - Published: 1/24/2007 - Complete
Forgiveness by foreverinlove17 reviews
25 Years after Bella pushes Edward away. They meet again but what if there was someone else involed. How will Edward take to this new guy?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 18 - Words: 41,606 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 1/20/2007 - Published: 11/10/2006 - Complete
For you, My Love by kajibot reviews
Their love was clearly invincible. Nothing could ever come between them, not even death. So, what happens when one day, Edward learns that no matter what he does, he cannot save her. Edward's POV.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,255 - Reviews: 146 - Favs: 194 - Follows: 33 - Published: 1/14/2007 - Complete
War of the Ashes by PinkPixie019 reviews
Dark-fic. A story of a war, started by two loves. A war so strong it may wipe out man kind as we know it. New Outtake added.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 19 - Words: 35,955 - Reviews: 243 - Favs: 105 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 1/11/2007 - Published: 6/11/2006 - Complete
Reborn by iamcool511 reviews
A week after Edward changes Bella, both of them get destroyed by Victoria. What happenes when instead of going to Heaven or Hell, they go back in time to 1918?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 21,947 - Reviews: 275 - Favs: 138 - Follows: 107 - Updated: 1/4/2007 - Published: 7/7/2006
Mistaken Escape by redeem reviews
She would go to the ends of the earth to be sure we wouldn’t get hurt in the process, as if that thing could hurt us! She was sacrificing herself for her mother. My perfect Bella. But why didn't she wait for me to take care of it? Of her mother? Of James?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 7,420 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 12/28/2006 - Published: 11/17/2006
Do You Believe In FATE? by SweetestCyn reviews
What if Bella never decided to move to Forks? Would she eventually end up there? Would she ever meet Edward? Would fate kick in and bring them together? Author's Note posted! Please Read!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 21 - Words: 41,956 - Reviews: 492 - Favs: 204 - Follows: 201 - Updated: 12/8/2006 - Published: 7/10/2006
Chasing You by Warui-Usagi reviews
Post New Moon. Bella's made her choice. And Jacob's made his. She's trying to let everything go. And he's fighting with everything he has to hold on. BxExJ. Complete. Winner of Best Future fic at the Twilight Awards.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 4 - Words: 18,140 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 12/4/2006 - Published: 9/9/2006 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Darkness by be my escape1 reviews
This is Edward's version of ch. 3 of New Moon. Right and wrong, two simple five letter words. I had thought so much about them the last few days..........
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,401 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 11/27/2006 - Published: 11/16/2006 - Complete
Welcome to Forks by Rhiann reviews
Our lives are entirely normal. No, really.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 458 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 111 - Follows: 27 - Published: 11/21/2006
Warm by sillybella reviews
Something besides Bella is making Edward warm...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 569 - Reviews: 392 - Favs: 511 - Follows: 70 - Published: 11/14/2006 - Complete
Sleeping Beauty by sillybella reviews
Post New Moon Edward angst. Charlie arrives while Edward and Bella are watching a movie. Bella has fallen asleep in Edward's lap.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,709 - Reviews: 360 - Favs: 853 - Follows: 132 - Published: 11/14/2006 - Complete
Descendant by Opague reviews
Bella is the daughter of the first vampire in the world. She is the second most powerful vampire and the princess of the vampire. Can Edward compare with her other admirers and melt this Ice Princess?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 26 - Words: 34,245 - Reviews: 938 - Favs: 695 - Follows: 230 - Updated: 11/4/2006 - Published: 8/3/2006 - Complete
A Father's Worry by be my escape1 reviews
Charlie came home to find a note from Bella saying she had gone for a walk with Edward. Then she didn't return. Charlie's POV on Ch 3 of New Moon. One Shot
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,427 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/31/2006 - Complete
Hot Stuff by sillybella reviews
Emmett and Jasper are worried about Edward and Bella's relationship.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,742 - Reviews: 434 - Favs: 902 - Follows: 139 - Published: 10/18/2006 - Complete
Blue Eyed Vampire by Frodosarrow reviews
Two new vampires in Forks. OMG CHAOS! Bella gets changed. A..er interesting romance. The Volturi. And much much more. What will happen? Sorry about the crappy review. NEW MOON SPOILERS. From my character's POV.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 35 - Words: 45,993 - Reviews: 209 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 10/13/2006 - Published: 9/13/2006 - Complete
Jacob Black Buys a New Pair of Socks by Rhiann reviews
Just a regular day in Forks. No, really.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,129 - Reviews: 484 - Favs: 642 - Follows: 61 - Published: 9/4/2006 - Complete
Miracle of Edward by kakakakissy reviews
the first fanfic i've ever seen like this! please read and rate. my first fanfic so please be nice!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,295 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 27 - Follows: 38 - Updated: 9/3/2006 - Published: 8/14/2006
Inappropriate Attire by Ylfcwen reviews
Oneshot. Bella has an unusual gift. How will Edward use it to his own advantage?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,937 - Reviews: 753 - Favs: 605 - Follows: 136 - Published: 8/25/2006
Just Another Day with my Psychic Wife by PinkPixie019 reviews
Ok this is story 2 in my Who's better in Bed Set. We have Alice and Jasper! Ok so this onis a little more Graphic than EB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,226 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 20 - Published: 8/16/2006 - Complete
Another Day, Another Park by Appy4la reviews
Sequel to Amusement Parks with the Cullens. The Cullens and Bella are back, now with some new twists! Full summary inside.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,103 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 128 - Follows: 144 - Updated: 8/11/2006 - Published: 8/10/2006
What Happens When Bella Drinks by PinkPixie019 reviews
This is for all the Cookie Loves out there. I give you my BellaEdward Cookie! I's very much AU!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,458 - Reviews: 65 - Favs: 115 - Follows: 38 - Published: 8/9/2006 - Complete
Amusment Parks with the Cullens by Appy4la reviews
The Cullen siblings take Bella to an amusment park, where they agree to all go on the same rides. Should be amusing. :D
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 23,707 - Reviews: 457 - Favs: 345 - Follows: 87 - Updated: 8/3/2006 - Published: 5/30/2006 - Complete
Years by Opague reviews
Edward and Bella gets into an arguement and he leaves. She gets turned into a vampire and they meet again after a decade apart. What will happen? Can they mend the pieces of their relationship? Decade in Edward's POV.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 14 - Words: 22,174 - Reviews: 239 - Favs: 121 - Follows: 62 - Updated: 8/2/2006 - Published: 7/13/2006 - Complete
Loving Doubts by Opague reviews
Sequel to Decade! Bella and Edward are getting married but Bella can't seem to let go of the past. Can she walk down the aisle and be his wife after ten years of separation or is it truly just too little too late?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 26 - Words: 33,885 - Reviews: 580 - Favs: 180 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 7/13/2006 - Published: 6/18/2006 - Complete
Decade by Opague reviews
Edward and Bella gets into an arguement and he leaves. She gets turned into a vampire and they meet again after a decade apart. What will happen? Can they mend the pieces of their relationship?
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,753 - Reviews: 337 - Favs: 229 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 6/23/2006 - Published: 6/7/2006 - Complete
like us by twieveluv reviews
Tristan and Aurora another human vampire couple meet the cullens and Aurora and Bella quickly become friends and learn how much they have in common. They don't realize though their boyfriends are both vampires how much they really do have in common until
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 15 - Words: 59,956 - Reviews: 489 - Favs: 178 - Follows: 126 - Updated: 6/14/2006 - Published: 4/5/2006
21 Things Our Favourite Tortallans Would Never Say by Phoenix Fanatic reviews
The title says it all: 21 things they'd never say.
Song of the Lioness - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 338 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/9/2006 - Tortall - Complete
New Life by Opague reviews
Bella and Edward moves away from Forks and begins anew. What awaits them in their new lives? Can happiness be restored or does fate have tragedy in store for them?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 17 - Words: 12,934 - Reviews: 182 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 6/7/2006 - Published: 5/31/2006 - Complete
Third Tuesday by Likeasunburn reviews
And you think you're uncomfortable around that time of the month? Try being Bella. Oneshot, written for a laugh
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,621 - Reviews: 172 - Favs: 339 - Follows: 59 - Published: 5/3/2006 - Complete
Odysseus' Wingman reviews
Just an English essay I decided to place up here, since I deemed it as Fan Fic. This is a rewrite of book nine in one of Odysseus' best warriors of his crew's point of view. Mainly focused on the island of the Cyclopes.
Odyssey - Rated: K - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,112 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9/19/2008 - Complete
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