Author has written 4 stories for Twilight.
i friggin need help with my fanfic(s)!! i need ideas!! can someone plz at least review or give me an idea bout what to write, i would be one of the happiest ppl on the face of the planet! :D
nickname: Daph, Daffy, Dolphin...
grade: im a high schooler... omg! :o
age: somewhere between 1 and 100? okay...
eye & hair type/color: :P brown eyes that sometimes seems brownish red or amber brown depending on lighting // dark brown curly hair that goes a little past my shoulders.
peeves: um... idk... when people call me weird names... like... idk... Laffy Taffy... hahah!! XP yes... i was once called that... and i hate being called a nerd, smartie, or whatever. i dont even think im smart in school! although, i can have super stupid moments where i truly question why i'm in honor classes... haha!
well... i'd love to say hai to all my friends! thanks all of you guys for being the most awesome, funny, and random friends a girl can have! :D u guys are the best! although some of your jokes can make me want to die of either embarrassment or laughter (mostly the laughter though XD )... :P u guys are still the greatest! i can't ask for more than that! :D
well... a little more about me: i like to draw random things like manga/anime, random animals, facial features, and practically anything but plants or inanimate objects... speaking of inanimate objects, i would like the whole world to know that almost every single inanimate object hates me. according to my friend i am bella no. 3 since i trip everywhere... EVEN WHEN I GET UP FROM A CHAIR! and also if im trying to walk down a stair or a ramp and my friend says "hey, don't pull a bella!" XD XP -- bella#1 is BELLA (la duh!), my other friend is bella#2, and me, im bella#3!! recently ... i added another friend to that list though. XD lol! no one knows what im talking about! XD
if im in a certain mood, mostly sad or depressed, i can write some awesome story and not even realize that it's a story! XD hmm... other stuff... im weirdly smart in school.. even though i have no idea why... im not a nerd... okay?! but i am a vampire! XD
oh well.. XD lol! so... up for some randomness? then keep on reading! XD but better stuff is after all this copy/paste stuff. got prolly half of this stuff from lizzyvamp1901. XD
If you've ever burst into song for no reason Copy and paste this to your profile
If you know someone that should be hit by a bus Copy and paste this to your profile
If, when you have a boy, you'll seriously consider naming him Edward...copy/paste this into your profile
If, when you have a girl, you'll seriously consider naming her Isabella...copy/paste this into your profile
If you truly believe that there is an Edward Cullen out there somewhere for you (his name doesn't have to be Edward)...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever heard the voices of the characters of the book you're reading in your head...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever fallen out of a chair backwards...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you've ever tripped over a WATCH YOUR STEP sign...copy/paste this into your profile.
If, for no reason, you have laughed at a part in a movie that really wasn't funny...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive seconds...copy/paste this into profile.
If you've ever tried putting your hair behind your ears, and ended up poking yourself in the eye...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a mirror...copy/paste this into your profile.
If every locker you have ever had/have hates you and wouldn't/doesn't open up for you...copy/paste this into your profile.
If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile
If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your friends are considering torturing you because you won't shut up about the Twilight series, copy and paste this in your profile.
If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.
Put this in your profile if you didn't know the ABC's song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune...
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vice versa copy this into your profile
If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.
If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"
If you are in lala land most of the time copy this into your profile.
If several inanimate objects hate you copy and paste this into your profile
If you have embarrassing memories that make you want to smack yourself/someone else, copy this into your profile.
If you have inside jokes...with yourself...copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile
If you think the semi-colon is completely useless, stupid, annoying and plotting to destroy the English language as we know it, put this in your pro!
If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in your profile!
If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile
92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your ass off.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy & paste this in your profile.
If you have ever not known where you were when there was a sign right next to you, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile
If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile.
If you have ever walked into the men's toilets instead of the ladies or vice versa, paste this onto your profile.
If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.
If when you have a child, you'd consider naming them Edward or Anthony, copy this into your profile.
If at least once a week, someone misspells or mispronounces your last name...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile
If you think the Coca-coca Puff Turky-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.
If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile.
If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever missed your mouth when trying to take a sip of water, copy and paste this into your profile
You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped up the stairs, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think your best friend is insane, copy this into your profile.
If you adore chocolate and frequently suffer from chocolate cravings while you have no access to the heavenly substance, copy this into your profile.
If one of your best friends IS insane, copy this into your profile.
If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this to your profile.
If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.
If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this onto your profile
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are totally confused right now copy this onto your profile.
93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile
If you are addicted to copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile
People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door
If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do
If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile
If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
We fall for stupid boys we make lots of dumb mistakes we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager grls, we're really going at one thing, staying strong.
I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".
If you get good grades and still know nothing at all, copy and paste this onto your profile.
You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.
I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
IF EDWARD AND BELLA DONT STAY TOGETHER I'M GONNA STAB SOMEONE! Repost this if you agree
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
All the good ones are either gay, married, vampires or fictional characters in books or movies.
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.
AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s including Bella Disorder.
AV is Addicted to Vampires
ADHD is Automatic Death by Hyperness Disorder
When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back!
Of all the things I’ve lost, I miss my mind the most.
Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.
One day we will look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
I smile because I have no idea what’s going on.
Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile, and add your name to this list: danyan, Zutara Lover, Black'n'red'Butterfly, Enrica, twilightgirl1918, Just A Little Bit Dramatic, Pirates OWNS you, Cripsee, I'll have some stupid cliché, Katie-3llen,Angelz on Edge, TempestStormBFFofMax, Aqua279, school.and.boredom.sucks, RandomCullenFanGirl1901, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER
If you think that life without computers is useless then copy this to your profile.
If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists, copy this to your profile.
If you've ever stayed up all night just to watch the sunrise, copy and paste this onto your profile.
if there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile
If you have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and OCD (Obsessive Cullen Disorder) at the same time, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever lost someone you loved, copy and paste this onto your profile.
Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.
98 of teenagers have participated in underage drinking and drugs. If you're one of the 2 who hasn't, copy this into your profile wearing a smirk of pride.
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, IwuvMyKenshyPoo, Heidiplease, iNsOmNiAc BiLlIe JoE lOvEr, Black Panther Warrior, bright black stars, StormDragon666, Sasuke's 2 Child Sayuri Uchiha, silver cherryblossom, BrightRubyEyes, Crazii Kimmy Girl,Angelz on edge, boredom.and.school.sucks, RandomCullenFanGirl1901, 19TopazAngel18
98 of teenagers do drugs, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.
If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile
If you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever been pushed into an ice-cold pool copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.
Even when you can’t see Him, GOD is there! if you believe in GOD put this in your profile.
If you think that Emmett absolutely ROCKS, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you think that writing or reading Fanfic stories is fun, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you've started having dreams featuring Twilight characters, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what are you doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob fest, and start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say some completely random thing, like," Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb-war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings and tape them on your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you giggle upon finding out that Edward has gone to the Volturi, because it was stupid for him to take second hand information. Crazy is when you wish your boyfriend's name was Jasper or Edward. Crazy is when you sit for hours on end talking about Edward with your friends. Crazy is when one of your friends come up to you and says "He is so completely gorgeous!" and you know exactly who their talking about because your brain is no longer set on English, but Twilight. Crazy is when all your friends are scared of you because you are so hyper. Crazy is when you threaten your friends with a free trip to Italy and a vampire mafia if they don't read Twilight. Crazy is when your friend calls you crazy, you tear up a little and tell them that was the nicest thing they ever said to you. Crazy is when you trip the second you get up from your chair and when you fall onto the floor, you begin to talk to it and ask it about its day. Crazy is talking to a whole bunch of friends, seeing something pass by and then yell at the thing for passing by and then totally forget what you were talking about with your friends. If you are crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list.
Recent studies show that 92 percent of teenagers have moved on to rap. If you're part of the 8 percent that stayed with rock, put this in your profile
Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off it's orbit" for a couple scientists’ likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!
If you’ve ever made faces in front of a security camera then paste this in your profile
If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity.
If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile
If you get bored easily post this on your profile.
If you would kill to have wings, post on profile.
If you think the Cullens should have their own theme music :o) Copy this to your Profile
you are such a loser that you actually read all these 'If you ever blah blah blah, copy this into your profile' things, copy this into your profile
Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile
If you can't stand preppy people who talk like this: "I like, can't believe, I like, chipped my manicure!!", copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever get a random urge to start screaming copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you have ever turned around and questioned how you got on those subjects after an entire conversation, copy and paste this in to your profile.
If you complain that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you dont just for the sake of being stubborn, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have a very wide range of interests, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever wondered why the heck Canadians and Americans have to spell 'colour' differently, and use different units of measurement, copy this to your profile.
If you have music in your soul, post this in your profile.
If you enjoy copying and pasting these copy and paste thingys, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are bored and like to write stuff, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If you are so cool that you actually read through all of these (there's more BWHAHAHAHA!!), copy this into your profile!!
If you've ever yelled at an inatimate object for not listening to you, copy and paste this into your profile.
If that inatimate object now hates you more because you yelled at it, copy and paste this into your profile
The black man turned around and stood up.
He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you.
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
When I hear somebody sigh "Life is hard" I'm always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"
The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.
"I cause cancer. Tee hee." ~ Multiple 'People'
"Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?” ~ Anonymous
"My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone.” ~ Anonymous
"If you know me, chances are you hate me." ~ Anonymous
"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." ~ Anonymous
"When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back." ~ Anonymous
"Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through." ~ Anonymous
"The cracks in the cement are a reminder that no matter how strong you may be, you can break." ~ Anonymous
"Anyone can be called a father, but only some can be a dad." ~ Anonymous
"Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm happy...because it takes one smile to cover up a million tears." ~ Anonymous
"If the heart is one of the strongest muscles, why is it so easy to break?" ~ Anonymous
"Friends are like butt cheeks, shit may come between them, but they always stick together." ~ Anonymous
"I like the idea of karma; you can go around and do bad things to people all day assuming they deserve it." ~ Anonymous
"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life." ~ Anonymous
list of stuff
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be
stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those
who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he
will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12
people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
1. When you are sad, I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry @#&!!
2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared, I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused, I will use little words.
7. When you are sick, stay the heck away from me until you are well. I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your clumsy butt.
This is my oath. I pledge it until the end. "Why?" you may ask. Because you are my friend. Friendship is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel its warmth.
You laugh, I laugh. You cry, I cry. You hurt, I hurt. You jump off a bridge, I get a paddle boat and save your stupid...
When it rains on my parade, I bust out the slip n' slide.
A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.
If you can stay calm when all around you is complete chaos, you probably haven't fully understood the situation.
If you think that people on commercials talk funny or use phrases no human beings would ever say, copy this into your profile.
If you talk back to the TV (or the computer, or a book), copy this into your profile.
If you have ever been the only one to think some really stupid joke was funny, copy this into your profile.
TGWF: Thank God We're Female
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Boy, I didn't fall for you, you tripped me!
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
I DON'T SUFFER FROM INSANITY, I ENJOY EVERY FREAKIN MINUTE OF IT!
If you think normal people are boring, copy and paste this on your profile.
You don't need a reason to be happy, you only need a reason to be sad.
Ten things to see before you die
1. A vegetarian be eaten by an animal.
2. An emo kid talk about happy bunnies.
3. Homer say something intelligent.
4. Taxes disappear.
5. Voldemort destroy one of his Horcruxes.
6. Michael Jackson be stalked by children.
7. Children take over class and teach teacher in child subjects, such as: armpit farts, skate-boarding, real music, ect.
8. Wrestling people forget their moves.
9. The coyote catch the road runner.
10. The reaction of the teen population if abercombie was closed and it was illegal to wear their clothing.
Spread the Stupidity
Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"
FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.
BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."
FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.
BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"
FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.
BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.
FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.
BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"
FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.
BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.
FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month.
BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.
FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.
BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"
FRIENDS: Will help you move.
BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.
FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry
.BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!
Funny sayings, Funny Words of Wisdom
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives.
6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
11. My Reality Check bounced.
12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.
18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
19. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll do it for you.
20. If you can't make it good, make it LOOK good
21. The family that sticks together should bathe more often.
22. The fridge light DOES go out. Now let me out of here!!
23. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
24. I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
25. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
26. Never put off till tomorrow what you can ignore entirely
Great minds can read this!
This is weird, but interesting! If you can raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed erveylteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! Paste this to your profile if you can read this!
Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!
Things to do on an Elevator
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1. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.
5. Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6. Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
8. Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
9. Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.
10. Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.
11. Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.
12. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
13. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
14. When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"
15. Swat at flies that don't exist.
16. Tell people that you can see their aura.
17. Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.
18. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"
19. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
20. Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
21. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
22. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.
23. Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.
24. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
25. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
26. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"
27. Put police tape in front of the door before entering.
28. Fart loudly when there are only two of you in the elevator. Argue vehemently that it wasn't you.
29. Hold an auction.
30. Do the "potty dance" all the way to the elevator door. Upon arrival, sigh and look greatly relieved.
31. Ask every passenger coming if you can borrow a tampon. Especially effective if victim is male. Even more effective if you yourself are male.
32. Throw a rave.
33. Place potted plants and water fountains at strategic locations in the lift. When people ask what you are doing, tell them you "won't ride an elevator that's not feng shwei."
34. Greet everyone getting on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral".
35. Hum the first six notes of the "It's a small world" over and over again.
36. When you brush past someone, whisper "Was it good for you too?"
37. Lean over to another rider and whisper 'Noogie patrol coming!'"
38. Have a heated debate with yourself.
39. Bring a melon onto the elevator. Try to sell it to the other passengers.
40. Drum on every available surface.
41. Write a big X on the elevator floor, and hand out "pirate" maps to everyone as they enter.
42. Give psychotherapy to the other passengers.
43. Greet everyone coming on as if they were your best friend. Use the same name for all of them.
44. Say "ring ring," then pull a banana out of your pocket and start talking into it.
45. Propose to the other passengers.
46. Challenge people to duels.
47. Sell girl scout cookies.
48. Bring a large pile of ice. Build an igloo on the floor.
49. Come on looking really scared, and say to another passenger..."I'm kinda nervous...this is my first time flying..."
50. Any time someone enters the doors, recoil in horror.
51. Stick your tongue out. Act like it's a cigarette, and ask someone for a lighter.
52. Pitch a tent on the floor, and "camp out" for the weekend.
53. Play "I've got your nose" with the other passengers.
54. Shout "Food fight!"
55. Every time someone else talks, angrily shout: "Some people are trying to sleep here!"
56. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
57. Lick one of the buttons. Tell the other passengers you're sick and tired of people stealing your food the second you turn your back.
58. Elevators were practically MADE for river dance!
59. Bring a snowboard onto the elevator. Put it on. Every time the lift goes up or down, shout "WOO-YEAH! This is what I call sick air!"
60. Make sushi.
61. Press your nose against the other passengers, and say "You know, this is what the Eskimos used to do before having sex."
63. Every time the elevator goes down, loudly scream "OH MY GOD!! We're all gonna die! This is it! This is it! It's over! IT'S OVER!!" Look relieved when it stops moving. When you begin to drop again, repeat.
64. Ask the other passengers if they want to see your glass clown collection.
65. Practice your kung fu.
66. Make race car noises when people get on and off.
67. Ask everyone on the elevator: "Are you my mother?"
68. Fly a model airplane.
69. Do yoga.
70. Play the accordion
71. Enter the elevator with nothing on your head. Individually ask everyone if they like your hat.
72. Bring a rocking chair. Sit and knit.
73. Recite gangsta rap lyrics in monotone.
74. Enter with a shovel, and attempt to "dig for treasure."
75. Read "Green Eggs and Ham" at the top of your lungs. Sound out every word.
15 things to do in Walmart.
1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, letthemusicplay, -Jessica-Bella, xxDeath's Daughterxx, Pixel Alice, Isabell the Looser, -only-real-men-sparkle-, xXSizzlingBabeXx, EdwardCullensLongLostSISTER
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
-On a Myer hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
-On a bag of Chips: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
If the sky is the limit, then what is space? Over the limit?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are
Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's
Can Bald people have Hairline fractures?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant, do they have to wear hairnets?
How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?
When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
"God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made woman." - Adela Rodgers St. Johns
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you!
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
Being normal is overrated.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
Don't take it personally.. but you smell like an ice cube
If at first you don't succeed, try walking around the brick wall.
You have more chance of dying by an asteroid collision than in a plane crash.
The dimensions of the Space Shuttle, one of humanities greatest achievements, were specified over 2500 years ago by a horse.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
'Never take life seriously, no one gets out alive anyway.'
'There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.'
'When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.' (Ha, like I'll die... I'll be a vampire!)
'Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?'
'Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together.'
'Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.' ..
'When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.'
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they're not out to get you.
Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
I'd rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I'm not.
My favorite word is sarcasm.
Percussive maintenance - the art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again
A piece of cheese could come up with a plan more cunning than that.
I'm not insane... i just do whatever the voices tell me to.
Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.
Life isn't passing me by; it's trying to run me over.
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
Don't hate yourself in the morning-sleep till noon.
When I say LOL I'm not laughing out loud. I just have nothing better to say.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash, honey; I don't live to please you.
You know, there are poor people in Africa who can’t afford sarcasm, and yet you abuse it!
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.
Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby"
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Illiterate? Write for FREE HELP!
Broken guitar for sale - no strings attached.
1. He's dead Jim. Kick him if you don't believe me
2. Oh yea? If you're so smart, why don't I understand you?
3. Oh, I'm sorry, were the voices in my head bothering you?
4. I can't remember the last time I forgot something.
5. Time is the best teacher, but it kills all its students.
6. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
7. Why remember quotes when you can make them up?
Notice in a dry cleaner's window:
Sign on motorway garage:
Seen during a conference:
Notice in a field:
Sign at Norfolk farm gate:
Sign on a famous beauty parlor window:
Notice in the toilet
Never trust a dog to watch your food.
When your dad is mad and asks you, "Do I look stupid?" don't answer him.
Never tell your mom her diet's not working.
Stay away from prunes.
Never allow your three-year old brother in the same room as your school assignment.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.
Don't pick on your sister when she's holding a baseball bat.
Never try to baptize a cat.
Ways to annoy people:
Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
Ask people what gender they are.
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip..."
If you have a glass, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Speak only in a "robot" voice.
Blow your nose when some one is eating.
Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "eat away your food " !
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Name your dog "Dog."
Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace."
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Set alarms for random times.
Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
only type in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
Wear a LOT of cologne.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
Never make eye contact.
Never break eye contact.
Make appointments for the 31st of September.
Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
Things you really shouldn’t say:
That shirt makes you look fat.
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Gosh, why don’t you kill me already and put me out of my misery?
I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
No, that does not look good on you.
THE END!! or is it?! o.O