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Joined 08-21-08, id: 1673859, Profile Updated: 04-28-11
Author has written 4 stories for Twilight.

Okay, so I'm gonna give you a little information about me...

Lives: In the US. Somewhere in the far west, over by the Pacific Ocean. But not in the place that Katy Perry sang about in "California Gurls". We California girls do not do that stuff. Btw, if you ask any of my friends where I'm from, they'll say Mars. They might be lying. You have no evidence!!! * cowers in a corner brandishing foam sword *

Name: Well, that depends on who you ask. If you ask me, I'll say Mia or LunaEclips. And MintLollipop01. Ask Jess, and she'll say something else entirely (it depends on who asks). I have also been called on occasion Vanessa and MealWorm. Call me MealWorm if you are feeling particularly invincible.

Pets: 2 dogs: Jenny and Jackson. Jenny is a Viszla (Google it if you want) and Jackson is a yellow lab. I also have a pet rock named Sherman. In the near future, I hope to have a pet hedgehog named Misty and a pet cactus named Timothy. (I seem to like spiky pets, don't I?)

Gender: Though it has been questioned, I am female.

Race: Good question. I am American. That is the easy answer. Mostly, my roots are from Sweden, Germany, Finland, etc. I am blonde and have blue eyes, definitely without and Persian roots or anything like that.

Religion: I believe that Sherman controls the universe. (See Sherman under pets: rock)

Ok, off to feed Sherman. More on my life later. :)

Favorite Color: Ultraviolet. Honeybees can see it and I think it would be really cool to be able to.

Favorite Writing Topic: For fanfiction, Twilight. I may do a few Maximum Ride ones. And possibly Harry Potter. I am a total die hard Harry Potter nerd.

Favorite Music: That depends on my mood. Usually Rihanna, Eminem, etc. I go for the popular stuff.

Goal: That is a good question. Find a way to get my lazy butt outta bed in the morning without having multiple heated arguments with myself in my head.

Warning: I am sarcastic. But sane. All y'all who think that I am insane are wrong. I am the one person who is going sane in a world full of crazy people.

And now for some random stuff that makes me laff:

I lost the game. (That's an inside joke w/ me and Mimi)

Here's some stuff I copy, pasted from somewhere. Sorry if it's yours.

Ways to Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.
2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.
3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.
4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It "In."
5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso .
6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write For Smuggling Diamonds"
7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy."
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go."
12. Sing Along At The Opera.
13. Go To A Poetry Recital And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?
14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical Sounds All Day.
15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.
16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.
17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won!, I Won!"
18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives,They're Loose!!"
19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner."Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."
20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity...Copy and Paste this into your profile!!
Random Things That Make Me Laugh
Two men walk into a bar, The third one ducks.
Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.
Boys are like Slinky's. Useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Of course I'm talking to myself, who else can I trust?
One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh he took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
I'm not afraid of Death; what's it gonna do, kill me? =D
If two wrongs don't make a right...try three.
Don't knock on death's door, ring the doorbell and run- he hates that!
My knight in shining turned out to be a loser in aluminum foil.
It's better to keep quiet and let someone think you're stupid, than to open your mouth and prove it.
It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt...then it's just plain hilarious
If you talk about me i got some advice. click your heels 3 times and say 'i wish i had a life'!
OMG! i think i just saw a flying bird!
let me write that down in my 'things i dont really give f about' notebook.
yea you have the right to your own opinion, but i have the right to think your stupid.
warning: im sarcastic and i hurt peoples feeling sometimes, boo hoo. get over it.!
(i do try not to hurt their feelings though, i think =D)
i speak fluent sarcasm.
are you stoned
or just stupid.!
I don't obsess, I think intensely!
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the heck is drinking my dang soda."
I dream of a better world...where chickens can cross roads without having their morals questioned.
"The greener grass on the other side is probably just artificial turf."
"Nothing worse than getting your pigtails shot off..."
"Nobody move! I dropped my brain."
"If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
Education is important; school however, is another matter.
I had my soul removed to make room for sarcasm and I don't regret it.
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist. (I tried that with Pen's help, didn't work)
If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.
Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.
High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House.
I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
I do not deny everything! (Denial...)
Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go into storage.
Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us
Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.
Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over... :D
Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dyslexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. (Not really, my mind has morals i don't)
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is my ceiling?
The road to success is always under construction.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement.
Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.
No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me. =P
I'm not so good with the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment? (W/ fries...?)
The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came along and they all committed suicide.
Basic Definitions of Science: If it's green or wiggles, it's biology. If it stinks, it's chemistry. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape (TRUE)
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
Don't take life to seriously, no one gets out alive anyway
Life's tough...Get a helmet
I can be Mrs. Cullen, you can be Mrs. Black you can die and I can live forever!
I stopped fighting my inner demons... We're on the same side now!
SHUT UP VOICES!! or I'll poke you with the Q-tip again...
If Barbie's So Popular, Why Do You Have To Buy Her Friends
Life's Greatest Pleasure Is Doing What People Tell You Not To Do
Never Go To A Doctor Whose Office Plants Have Died
Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own Opinion, It Just That Yours Is Stupid
Man Invented Language To Satisfy Their Deep Need To Complain
Magic is the stuff Science hasn't made boring yet!
My VAMPIRE can beat up your WEREWOLF!!
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere?
'Hold my purse.'
"Obstacles are put in our way to see if what we want is really worth fighting for."
"Don't fall for someone unless they're willing to catch you."
"If you don't understand my silence, then you won't understand my words."
Forgive your enemies - it messes with their heads :P
I wouldn't have OCD if everyone else would just do things the right way.
Alice in Wonderland Oh! Is that the story of Alice before she went into the Asylum? (Maybe, But i can't picture her blond)
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
Sarcasm. It's easier than actually having to deal with stupid people.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Something else that i laughed at :D
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah on the Ark swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( What other time do I have to work on my hair?).
On a bag of Frito's! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion, right or are u a secret dictator jus trying to suggest it).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Isn't that the whole point)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what else?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash or was it supposed to have loony peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere in Sweden?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity copy and paste this into your profile! XD
If scientists were ever going to figure out how to travel through time, wouldn’t we now be seeing people from the future?
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
Why is it the TWELVE days of Christmas when there is only one day of Christmas?
Why is "number" abbreviated as "no"? When there is no "o" in number?
Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?
Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do you call a girl that is named after her mother?
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
If all of the Acme stuff doesn't work, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying their products?
364 days of the year, parents tell their kids not to take candy from strangers, yet on Halloween, its encouraged! Why is that?
Why is it when we laugh in school the teachers say do you find something funny? When obviously we do?
More funny things i found :D These aren't mine by the way XD
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
15. The day you don't wash your hair is the day you meet a cute boy.
Even more stuff that made me think and laugh at the same time :D
Do not run in the school hall, gliding is more fun.
Officer, I swear to Drunk I am not God!
When life gives you lemons, spit the lemons in life's eyes.
Enjoying the "Great Outdoors" would be better if it were great.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
My heart? Yeah. It's not a playground.
Tears wash the windows of our souls so we can see ourselves more clearly. -Exodus 19:5
Oops! I appear to have fallen on your lips.
We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenage girls our good at one thing: Staying Strong.
Arguing with yourself is normal. It's when you argue with yourself and lose that's weird.
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. But if the doctor is cute, screw the fruit! (OMC! Carlisle!)
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it all. And then some you don't want. -Daughtry
Of course it's in the last place you look for it. Why in hell would you keep looking for it if you already found it.
When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back.
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
Whoever said "Nothing's impossible" never tried slamming a revolving door.
Silence is golden but duck tape is silver
You know it's a bad day when you fall out of bed and you miss the floor.
I called your boyfriend gay, and he hit me with his purse.
Behind every bitch there's a guy that made her that way.
Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die, and your mom say you can still keep it.
Dance like no one's watching. Sing like no one's listening.
Sometimes you've got to smile and walk away... Hold your tears in and pretend like you're okay.
Being mature is overrated.
Being weird is like being normal, only better.
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.
Anyone can reach the stars. If you can't reach them, catch one that falls.
Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!
Don't yawn in the shower. You might drown. -Bill Cosby
The dinosaur's extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.
I was gifted but the psychiatrist took away my super powers.
Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us how to walk and talk, then the rest of our lives telling us to sit down and shut up.
Therapist = The/rapist (scary thought -shudder-)
Excuse me. Have you seen my sanity? I think I've lost it...
I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
I call you squishy and you shall be mine. You will be my squishy! -Dory from Finding Nemo
I can resist anything but temptation.
They say, "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." Well, I think the gun helps. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
One day we're going to look back at this, laugh nervously, then change the subject.
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice?
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip 'n slide.
I don't obsess, I think intensely.
Evening news is where they say, "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it's not.
24 Things I owe to my Mother
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you two are going to kill each other, at least do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"
2. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
3. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."
4. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you aren't coming to the store with me!"
5. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident.
6. My mother taught IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."
7. My mother taught me about THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
8. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
9. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
10. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"Your room looks like a tornado went through there!"
11. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
12. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it too!"
13. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
14. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children around the world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"
15. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home!"
16. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You're going to get it when we get home!"
17. My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way!"
18. My mother taught me about ESP.
"Put your sweater on! Don't you think I know when you're cold?"
19. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When the lawnmower cuts off you toes, don't come crying to me!"
20. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
21. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
22. My mother taught me about MY ROOTS.
"Shut that door! Do you think you were raised in a barn?"
23. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you're my age, you'll understand."
24. My mother taught me JUSTICE.

"One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out to be JUST LIKE YOU!"

Okay, this stuff just makes me laff my butt off.

So if you actually read down to here, I thank you for caring so much.

Toodles for now.

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Teaser Bella's Redemption reviews
This is a teaser of a story I am working on. In short, Edward is a sadistic vampire, who kidnapped Bella. Bella ran away from Edward, then realized she needed him, and went back to him. This is a short part of her punishment. Rated M for a reason. More context inside the story
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,920 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 12 - Published: 11/13/2012 - Bella, Edward
The Caning reviews
ONE-SHOT: After a long day, Edward helps Bella get rid of her pent up emotions by spanking her and caning her. BXE. AU. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY BDSM AND SPANKING TOPICS.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 668 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 19 - Published: 7/10/2011 - Bella, Edward
The Dangerous, Highly Eventful Pranks of Emmett reviews
a story about how Emmett and Bella's relationship grows and changes as Emmett pranks Bella. It is also a story about Edward and Bella intimately, so it is rated M just in case.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 21,107 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 7/10/2011 - Published: 5/5/2011 - Bella, Emmett
How I Broke My Own Rules reviews
Bella and Emmett are best friends who are murder detectives that work for the FBI. When a particularly hard case comes their way, they will both get more involved than they originally planned. Note Edward shows up eventually. Rated M for that reason.BPO
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Crime/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,646 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 6/5/2011 - Published: 4/28/2011 - Bella, Emmett