Author has written 131 stories for NCIS, Grey's Anatomy, House, M.D., Criminal Minds, CSI: New York, Ironman, Law and Order: SVU, In Plain Sight, StarTrek: Deep Space Nine, Private Practice, Numb3rs, CSI, Bones, Burn Notice, Star Trek: 2009, Mentalist, Heroes, Hey Arnold, Misc. Tv Shows, Law and Order, Covert Affairs, Ugly Betty, Royal Pains, StarTrek: Voyager, Cold Case, Daria, Janet Evanovich, 90210, Big Bang Theory, Avengers, Fairly Legal, Pitch Perfect, Zenon, and Scandal.
YES, I HAVE DELETED SOME OF MY INCOMPLETE FOR OVER 3 YEARS STORIES. NO, THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I HAVE GIVEN UP ON THEM: It is with a heavy heart that I do this but after fighting against it, I have deleted Shedding Denial, 9 Months, College Makes You Dumber, and Taking Control from this website. No worries, though. I still have the chapters saved on my hard drive and I have no intentions of deleting them forever. I've done this in an effort to do some housecleaning on here and to give myself some time to not only get back into the media that prompted them but to repost them with longer, better chapters or as a complete story. I thank you all for supporting the stories and although my actions have shown otherwise, I remember my promise to never give up on a fic or a fic idea (College Makes You Dumber was part of a trilogy I had planned) and I will come through for y'all at a later date. For now, please enjoy my remaining stories and thank you very much for your love, patience, and support. With love, CMW2
FANFICTION DEFINITION (found and adored on Tumblr):
“Fan fiction is what literature might look like if it were reinvented from scratch after a nuclear apocalypse by a band of brilliant pop-culture junkies trapped in a sealed bunker. They don’t do it for money. That’s not what it’s about. The writers write it and put it up online just for the satisfaction. They’re fans, but they’re not silent, couchbound consumers of media. The culture talks to them, and they talk back to the culture in its own language.”
ONE MILLION WORDS AND COUNTING: As of 3 August 2013 (Saturday), I've added a total of 1,001,650 words to FFN. That's AWE-SOME. Here's to at least 1,000,000 more!
SERIES, SHOTS, AND SEQUELS- MY FFN PROJECT FOR 2014: Greetings, y'all! Well, 2013 is done and over and that means that it's time to get SSS 2013 in play! Circumstances have changed in my life, leaving me unable (but not unwilling) to write as I wish to. But, I am a woman of principle. I said I'd do this and I will, even if it takes a while to really get things started. The list is below in the same place and I am taking requests. Even if they're "When are you going to update/finish *insert 2010-2013 WIP* here, CMW2? I'm dying to know what happens next!" requests. This shall be most kick ass and I look forward to getting it going. With love, CMW2.
WANT MORE FICS?: Better safe than Purged. I know FFN has a thing about links so I hope they stick and I'll probably add more links in the future. Enjoy!
LiveJournal: cmw2 (dot) livejournal (dot) com (Live, Love, WRITE.)
DeviantArt: aniseflowercmw2 (dot) deviantart (dot) com
My AO3 invite went through! I still have to figure out how to work it but I'm in and I'm under CMW2.
Tumblr: trumpetnista (dot) tumblr (dot) com (Live, Love, WRITE)
GENERAL DISCLAIMER: My writing style is a unique, beautiful and somewhat battered snowflake. I'm not changing it. If you fundamentally disagree with the way I write, then please just move on to someone else. There's a fine line between constructive criticism and just being hateful and disrespectful.
Dream4aSleepyZombie had this quote at the end of Chapter 235 of her awesome BONES fic 'Completing Temperance Brennan' and I just loved it: He who passes ill minded judgement, must first earn respect, without it he's merely a miserable man without conscious and forethought of consequence. Being on here is privilege for both readers and writers. Main Idea: Common decency and constructive criticism is nice. Flaming...not so much. Think before you type because words can hurt more than anything.
OOPS: In my quest to edit, I accidentally deleted my Love and TIVA story, along with all of the kick ass reviews I got. I apologize to all who R&R'd and I hope you guys will replace them soon. Fortunately, I've learned how not to do that with the rest of my stories so your opinions have been preserved. Again, I am so sorry.CMW2
WORDS TO LIVE BY: "If you're holding a feather, you're erotic. If you're holding the whole chicken, you're perverted...or just really hungry.
FANDOM IS... (found and adored on Tumblr...)
Fandom is focus. Fandom is obsession. Fandom is insatiable consumption. Fandom is sitting for hours in front of a TV screen a movie screen a computer screen with a comic book a novel on your lap. Fandom is eyestrain and carpal tunnel syndrome and not enough exercise and staying up way, way past your bedtime.
Fandom is people you don’t tell your mother you’re meeting. Fandom is people in the closet, people out and proud, people in costumes, people in T-shirts with slogans only fifty others would understand. Fandom is a loud dinner conversation scaring the waiter and every table nearby.
Fandom is you in Germany and me in the US and him in Australia and her in Japan. Fandom is a sofabed in New York, a roadtrip to Oxnard, a friend behind a face in London. Fandom talks past timezones and accents and backgrounds. Fandom is conversation. Communication. Contact.
Fandom is drama. Fandom is melodrama. Fandom is high school. Fandom is Snacky’s law and Godwin’s law and Murphy’s law. Fandom is smarter than you. Fandom is stupider than you. Fandom is five arguments over and over and over again. Fandom is the first time you’ve ever had them.
Fandom is female. Fandom is male. Fandom lets female play at being male. Fandom bends gender, straight, gay, prude, promiscuous. Fandom is fantasy. Fandom doesn’t care about norms or taboos or boundaries. Fandom cares too much about norms and taboos and boundaries. Fandom is not real life. Fandom is closer than real life. Fandom knows what you’re really like in the bedroom. Fandom is how you would never, could never be in the bedroom.
Fandom is shipping, never shipping, het, slash, gen, none of the above, more than the above. Fandom is love for characters you didn’t create. Fandom is recreating the characters you didn’t create. Fandom is appropriation, subversion, dissention. Fandom is adoration, extrapolation, imitation. Fandom is dissection, criticism, interpretation. Fandom is changing, experimenting, attempting.
Fandom is creating. Fandom is drawing, painting, vidding: nine seasons in four minutes of love. Fandom is words, language, authoring. Fandom is essays, stories, betas, parodies, filks, zines, usenet posts, blog posts, message board posts, emails, chats, petitions, wank, concrit, feedback, recs. Fandom is writing for the first time since you were twelve. Fandom is finally calling yourself a writer.
Fandom is signal and response. Fandom is a stranger moving you to tears, anger, laughter. Fandom is you moving a stranger to speak.
Fandom is distraction. Fandom is endangering your job, your grades, your relationships, your bank account. Fandom gets no work done. Fandom is too much work. Fandom was/is just a phase. Fandom could never be just a phase. Fandom is where you found a friend, a sister, a kindred spirit. Fandom is where you found a talent, a love, a reason.
Fandom is where you found yourself.
This makes me tear up every time. I love all my fandoms.
*Welcome to my little corner of FFN.*
I've been reading on here for quite a little while now (since early 2005) and I am eager to post some of my own stuff.
I write constantly. I go through 5 subject notebooks like some people go through socks. My hands are always stained with ink and I'm known as " The girl that is always writing some damn thing" at school...and at home.
I focus on work from shows and movies I watch, mostly shows because I haven't seen many movies. I'm getting better, though.
Expect to see a lot of different chapter fics and maybe a couple of one shots.
My ideas are usually way too big to be expressed in one chapter and my dad always says I'm writing the next great American novel.
I'm not afraid to write about sex. I may be a little vanilla but I'll write it if it'll fit and since I have a dirty mind(I'm a band geek), I'll find a way to make it fit.
I've never done same sex pairings before and I don't think I ever will.
I don't really understand the concept because I love men.
Even if they can be annoying as all hell...
Any constructive criticism is welcomed. I'd prefer not to be flamed but if my work sucks, I need to know.
If I'm going to be on here, I might as well do it right. But, I'm not afraid to block people if they get too harsh. (See General Disclaimer and Cited Quote Above)
I'm very private so the most you'll get about me personally is that I'm black(and proud!), I want to be an English Teacher (shocker! LOL!) or a home healthcare aide and I'm in a big family in Southeastern Michigan.
Writing is my emotional Novocaine, my god given solace.
I need it like I need air and my faith in a better future.
I literally go into withdrawal if I don't write something every day, even if it's just in my head and not on paper.
I found this on Dr. Temperance Brennan's profile and I loved it. I also added a few questions. I always did like surveys...
(Fanfiction) Writer’s Questionnaire
Date of Joining FFN: 08/22/2008
ID Number: 1674911
Do you have a Beta Reader profile and are you accepting requests at this time?: Yes and Not right now.
Estimated number of stories written: A lot. I have a drawer full of drafted stories but I now have 110 up in 35 fandoms on FFN, 14 are in progress.
Longest story was (how long): My longest story at the moment is my SCANDAL Olitz fic titled Shattering Expectations It was an impulse fic after watching an episode that explained how the President and the First Lady really met and just how sad the scene was made me wish that he could've found Olivia Pope earlier and it just snowballed in a beautiful, epic length beloved BEAST in the Gladiator Arena. So far, it has 126,615 words, 1,449 reviews, 297,532 views, 1 C2, 252 favs, and 397 alerts.
Shortest story was (how long): My shortest story at the moment is my ST:DS9 Julian/Ezri fic titled His Hands. It's a part of my SSS Project (see above) and it has 717 words, 2 reviews, 788 hits, no C2s, 2 fav, and 1 alert. I think this and its companion piece Her Spots opened the floodgates for more Julian/Ezri stuff to be written so it's one of my favorites.
Preferred genre: Tie between Romance and Humor
Weird habits when you’re writing: I put the key board on my lap and cross one legs over the other, resulting in cuts on my leg from my crappy computer stand.
Word processor or notebook?: Both. Notebook for drafting mainly but sometimes I just go on Word and let loose.
Open/Private about writing?: Semi open. My family and friends know I do it and I take my drafting notebook everywhere but I refuse to let them read the finished product.
Published?: Only on fanfiction.net: working on getting my CSI:NY and CSI fics up on Geekfiction.
Favorite fandom: My god, there's a lot. Any fandom that I have a ship in is fair game but if I had to choose my top 5, they would be: SCANDAL, JANET EVANOVICH, STAR TREK 2009, AVENGERS, AND CRIMINAL MINDS
Favorite story: Oh, crap. I have over 9500 and you want me to choose like one? Uh, okay. My favorite one that I've written is my HOUSE fic because it's like my oldest baby. I can actually see an evolution in my writing style, which I like. As for my favorites elsewhere, I'd have to say that my current favs are Outtabreath's STAR TREK 2009 fics, mishy-mo's Primal, TalesFromTheSpockSide's Holding Pattern, McAddicted's Dark Passions, sadhappygirl's Trouble Sleeping and just about anything from MariposaAngel18,Starquilter57 jaed621, jfine, Harme, She'sGotHighHopes,BuyJo and blc. I'd list more but then I'd run out of room. Just look at my favorite authors and stories and you'll find them all.
Favorite line: You're killing me here! I'm been reading on here since late 2005 so I've read some epic lines! Okay, I'll put up 3 of my gems and 5 from other fics I've read.
1. Mary knew that he didn't but he was retreating for now in the face of Naked Mann and his Frying Pan of Doom. (from Solace- Chapter 18 In Plain Sight)
2.“Oh...okay. I didn’t kill him but you guys can have my piss if you want. It’s good to know that it’ll be used for good, not evil!”, Phil called cheerfully before running smack dab into the hall wall, a smirking Flack on his heels. (from Passion CSI: NY)
3. It was supposed to be a murder mystery but the plot seemed to be a little too weak for the genre. With a shrug, Addison took another pull from her bottle…and promptly spat it back out as the scene cut to two people in bed, complete with tongues and bad 80s smooth jazz. Great! The one night she’s suffering from lust induced insomnia, the TV gods decide to put on Pistol Pussies 5. What was worse was that she could feel herself getting turned on as Bambi and Roy rutted like beasts.
Looking back at the oven, she checked the time and called it as she slid a tentative hand inside her panties.
Time of Hitting the Bottom of Rock Bottom: 3:32AM. (From Irresistible Private Practice)
1.“Bones? What’s that bodies in motion thing?” you murmured into the darkness.
2. As soon as we get there, I’m heading straight for a vet clinic that euthanizes animals…
3. “I’m thinking...stampede.” Said Flack.
4. “You’re far too beautiful to be my mother.”
Angela was clearly thrown off guard by Zack’s comment.
“Was that a line I just heard you use, or were you just being…you.”
Angela smiled, although Zack hadn’t explained himself at all and had merely shown confusion over what Angela was referring to. Evidently, it meant something to her that he didn’t quite understand.
“Wow, Zack. That was actually really sweet of you to say.”
“I wasn’t trying to be sweet. It’s just a fact. You’re beautiful.” (from comedienne-quinn's Defying Logic- Chapter 12)
5. “Nahp nash-veh dom mahr-tor na't'ko-veh uzh Gaila. Mahr-tor na'nash-veh,” I said, thinking out loud. If had to buy a new dress for Gaila, I might as well buy one for myself.
He regarded me for a long moment, as if weighing out his response. When he spoke, it was in Vulcan. “Yon-kur.”
In red. (from outtabreath's What Would Doctor Flenderson Do?- Chapter 5)
Writing music?: I listen to heavy metal, movie/TV show soundtracks or a scrambled egg grab bag playlist on YouTube because I don't have an iPod or Zune (yet).
Hardest to write: One of those fics when everyone gets hurt all the time. I don't like putting the characters through hell.
Easiest to write: Romantic relationships/dialogue and dark/witty/perverted humor
Pet peeves in others’ writing: Bad spelling and/or grammar, weak endings, bad smut. If you're going to write smut, do it right or don't bother.
Prefer 1st, 2nd, or 3rd person?: It depends. Usually I stick with 3rd. I do dabble in 1st person now for my JE stories
Ever created a Mary Sue?: NO. God, no. EW. I stick with OCs.
Which is hardest to write—beginning, middle or end?: End. I don't want to leave it too open ended but at the same time I don't want to pull a JK Rowling and do a weak epilogue that pisses people off.
Best thing about writing/being a writer: Other people telling you that reading your work made them happy and just the writing in general. It's freeing.
Worst thing about writing/being a writer: Time restraints when attempting to complete fics and I have a tendency to do that to myself. I'm masochistic like that.
Writing—hobby or addiction?: You know that Simple Plan song line? Well, I'm a dick- I'm addicted to writing.
Longest case of writer’s block: Maybe about a month...month and a half. Any longer than that and I force myself to write something, usually smut. LOL!
The following is a list of the numerous ships I'm into and 9 times out of 10, the main pairing of my stories will be from here.
Elliot/Olivia from Law and Order:SVU
Marshall/Mary, Stan/Eleanor and Brandi/Peter from In Plain Sight
Meredith/Derek, Sloan/Lexie, Hunt/Yang, Warren/Bailey and George/ Izzie from Grey's Anatomy
Pete/Addison, Violet/Cooper, and Naomi/Dell from Private Practice
Anakin/Padme, Kyp/Jaina and Luke/Mara from Star Wars
Chakotay/Janeway, Torres/Paris, Icheb/Naomi, Chakotay/Seven and Doctor/Seven from Star Trek:Voyager
Ezri/Julian,Odo/Kira, Sisko/Kasidy, Garak/Ziyal, Jake/Korena, Shar/Prynn, and Asarem/Krim from Star Trek:DS9
Booth/Brennan, Hodgins/Angela, Zach/OC, Sweets/Daisy and Zach/Cam from BONES
House/Cameron and Wilson/Cuddy from HOUSE M.D.
Jack/Kate from LOST
Daniel/Betty from Ugly Betty
Harm/Mac from JAG
Tony/Ziva, McGee/Abby, Kate/Ari, Palmer/Lee, Palmer/Breena, Ducky/Penny, and Gibbs/Jenny from NCIS
Grissom/Sara, Nick/Sofia, Greg/Riley, Catherine/Vartann and Catherine/Warrick from CSI
Mac/Stella, Flack/Angell, Adam/Kendall and Danny/Lindsay from CSI: New York
Calleigh/Horatio and Ryan/Natalia from CSI: Miami
Tenth Doctor/Rose from Doctor Who
Mulder/Scully and Doggett/Reyes from The X-Files
Hotch/JJ,Hotch/OC, Rossi/Strauss, Morgan/Garcia, Reid/OC, Reid/Maeve, and Reid/Emily from Criminal Minds
Charlie/Amita and Don/Nikki from Numb3rs
Teresa/Patrick and Rigsby/Van Pelt from The Mentalist
Spock/Uhura, McCoy/Chapel and Sarek/Amanda from Star Trek 2009
Jack/Nora and Arturo/Chloe from Mental
Tony/Pepper and Happy/Natasha from Iron Man
Claire/Sylar and Peter/Emma from HEROES
Trip/T'Pol and Hoshi/Reed from Star Trek:Enterprise
Lilly/Scotty from Cold Case
Sam/Laura from The Day After Tomorrow
Shang/Mulan from Mulan
Tony/Jennifer from The Sopranos
Lee/Edward from Secretary
Arnold/Helga, Curly/Rhonda, Nadine/PeaPod Kid and Harold/Patty from Hey Arnold!
Jimmy/Cindy and Sheen/Libby from Jimmy Neutron
Chuck/Sarah from Chuck
Carly/Freddie from iCarly
Lizzie/Gordo from Lizzie McGuire
Tori/Andre from VicTORiUS
Michael/Connie from Law and Order
RJ/Jenny from The Hard Times of RJ Berger
Ben/Abigail from National Treasure
Joan/Arthur and Annie/Auggie from Covert Affairs
Hart/Matthews from Miss Congeniality
Dean/Jaime from Dark Blue
Ferb/Isabella from Phineas and Ferb
Divya/Evan from Royal Pains
Will/Maggie and Tanya/Miles from Rubicon
Jake/ED from Surviving the Applewhites
Trent/Daria from Daria
Ranger/Stephanie from Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series
Hercules/Meg from Hercules
Batman/ Wonder Woman from Justice League
Max/Naomi from 90210
Nico/Dani from Necessary Roughness
Charles/Cassie, Lizzie/Andrew, Eddie/Jenn from Lincoln Heights
Perseus/Io from Clash of the Titans 2010
Moose/Camille and Luke/Natalie from Step Up 3
Sheldon/Penny from The Big Bang Theory
Kate/Ben from Fairly Legal
Clint "Hawkeye" Barton/ Natasha "Black Widow" Romanov, Agent Maria Hill/Captain Steve "Captain America" Rogers, Tony "Iron Man" Stark/Pepper Potts, Captain Steve "Captain America" Rogers/OC, Dr. Bruce "The HULK" Banner/OC, Thor/Dr. Jane Foster, and Dr. Bruce "The HULK" Banner/ Darcy Lewis from The Avengers (2012)
Thor/ Dr. Jane Foster and Darcy Lewis/Fandral the Dashing from Thor
Zenon/Proto Zoa from Zenon
Operative #5 Aaron Cross/ Dr. Marta Shearing from The Bourne Legacy
Mickey Lobel/ Johnny Flannigan from Trouble with the Curve
Beca / Jesse, Donald / Lilly, Aubrey/Unicycle and Chloe / Benji from Pitch Perfect
Scott Voss / Bella Flores from Here Comes the Boom
Sherlock Holmes / Joan Watson from Elementary
Stacy/George Dryer from Playing for Keeps
Tiffany Maxwell/Pat Solitano Jr. from Silver Linings Playbook (2012)
Rick Castle/ Kate Beckett from Castle
Olivia Pope/Fitzgerald "Fitz" Grant and Huck/Quinn from Scandal
John Reese/Detective Carter from Person of Interest
The more shows and movies I watch (and books I read and re-read), the longer the list will become.
I'm much better about checking my email, now so feel free to drop me a line.
I'm up for reasonable challenges and suggestions on writing techniques.
Much love, CMW2
The following are my fics on the roster for SSS in the coming years. Most of the stories have proven to be mainly impromptu additions for when the plot bunnies attack but this list are confirmed SSS works. They'll be started ASAP and I already know that this shall be a fun and productive ongoing FFN project and trademark.
BONES: Z (Zach/OC fic). Lady Montenegro's Lover (Hodgela fic), Lancelot (Sweets/Daisy fic)
STAR WARS: Independent (Ani/Padme fic)
CSI NY: Consummation (Flack/Angell fic), Mediterranean Blue (SMacked fic)
UGLY BETTY: All In (Detty fic set after the finale)
The majority of SSS fics are going to be rated M (because it's me) and any ideas you guys have for plots will be much appreciated. I'll put a tag on each of them so you can read them in order if you wish.
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen,xGabriellaxBoltonx, xEarlySunsetsOverMonroevillex, Smartest Girl In The World, GatorPups95, 'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe', angel-death-dealer,CMW2
Dumb Labels (I always laugh when I see these)
Dumb Labels- Part Deux
I saw these and I was just like..."We're all going to die from the horrible disease of FuckingStupidSyndrome or FSS...I better stock up on canned foods." Enjoy.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (Aw, come on! That cuts my morning routine in half! 3rd degree burns is a small price to pay for the first rack of donuts at Kripsy Kreme!)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (No, you can't watch Dora! Why? Well, because you're not to operate heavy machinery and the remote's-no, wait, go ahead and don't forget to move the car after nap time. Your little sister's resurfacing the driveway)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (Look, I haven't gotten any sleep in over a week! I want to be drowsy! I want to dream again! I miss playing grab ass with Sonic and Abe Lincoln on Bacon Island!)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (Okay, but I was planning to put some on the International Space Station so is that okay? I mean, space is outdoors...)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Hold up, what's the other use? Castration of woodland creatures? Homemade vibrator? Stunt double on Will It Blend? Help me, I'm confused!)
For people that hate stereotypes: If you think people should just shut up and stop, put this on your profile. (BOLD the ones you are.)
I like fire so I MUST be a crazy arsonist
I found this list of PMS translations while browsing and I just had to post it here. The italicized ones are my favorites and you're welcome to post this on your profile if you wish.
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make Me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile.
If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.
••) .•) .•.•) .•) Pass the ribbon around if you know someone that has survived, DIED, or is living with cancer
I found this on LadyStellaSkye's profile and it struck a chord with me. I never could understand the reasons for any sort of discrimination. It's not like we're not all human...
I am the boy who never finished high school, because I got called a fag everyday
FUN WITH CUT AND PASTES.
If you guys fit them or you like them, then go for it!
Found on Mrs. Marshall Mann's profile
If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever pushed on a door that says pull (or vice versa) copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this onto your profile.
If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you believe that over half of all you say/write/think doesn't come out right and is complete stupidity, copy and paste this into your profile.
You're just jealous because we act retarded in public and people still love us!
You're intoxicated by my very presence
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
I smile because I have no idea what's going on!
Life was so simple when boys had cooties
Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
I ran with scissors, and lived!
I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.
FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.
FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.
FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.
FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.
FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.
FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.
FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.
FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)
FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.
FRIENDS: Would ignore this letter
I found this next little gem on Tiva4evaxxx's profile and I absolutely loved it. My addition is italicized. I found a couple more on boothandbones4ever's profile, too.
female come backs
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Man: Is this seat empty?
Man: Your place or mine?
Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and i together
Man: Your eyes... they're amazing.
Man: I'd like to call you. What's your number?
Woman: It's in the phone book.
Man: But I don't know your name.
Woman: That's in the phone book,too.
Man: The word of the day is legs so let's go back to my place and spread the word.
Woman: YOU SON OF A BITCH! (smashes a bottle over his head and storms off)
Man: How you doin'? (Think Joey from FRIENDS)
Woman: I suddenly feel quite nauseated. Go away and I'll feel better.
Messages to the world:
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
MORE FUN WITH CUT AND PASTES
-Found on boothandbones4ever's profile-
If you're so obsessed by something that you're actually beginning to scare yourself. copy and paste this in your profile
If you believe that the reason the girls always kiss the guys first is that the guys are too scared that they'll be slapped, punched, hit, kicked or mid wiped, copy and paste this in your profile
If you think it's stupid that girls are associated with the color pink. copy and paste this in your profile
IF YOU BELIEVE IN GLOBAL WARMING AND/OR ARE A TREEHUGGER. copy and paste this in your profile
If you've heard the freecreditreport.com song, and have began to sing it randomly, sometimes when it's least appropriate, (F-R-E-E, that spells free, credit report dot com, baby!). copy and paste this in your profile
If you just started singing that song after reading above. copy and paste this in your profile!
Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO! yes! and what if we went around telling ppl that they're too short, and so are therefore disqualified from the human race? copy and paste this in your profile!
If you are obsessed with fan fiction. copy and paste this in your profile!
98 percent of teenagers do or have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't copy and paste this in your profile
Ninety-three percent of the teen population would die if Hannah Montana or The Simpsons said it wasn't cool to breathe. Copy and paste this if you would be part of the seven percent that'd be LAUGHING YOUR BUTT OFF
If you think it is strange Mental anxiety, mental breakdown, menstrual cramps, menopause, did you realize how all our problems begin with MEN. copy and paste this in your profile!
16 THINGS I'M GOING TO DO AT WAL-MART (This will keep me from leaving my mom behind in the underwear section...)
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.
EVEN MORE FUN WITH CUT AND PASTES (I think I'm addicted to them now!)
Found on Vikorija's profile
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile.
If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile.
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you hug cute toys when no one's looking, paste this to your profile.
If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever copied and pasted WAY too many things in to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you listen to classical music and enjoy it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you read to the bottom of this list, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.
If your friends are WEIRD (But not as weird as you) copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're a chocoholic, shopaholic or talkaholic then copy and paste this!
If you are crazy, odd,not-normal, a freak of nature, or anything else that applies, copy and paste this to your profile.
For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you just what you find so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob-fest, then start singing and dancing when your favorite song plays. Crazy is when you do or say a totally random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or start having a thumbwar with yourself . So if you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.
If you have ever run into a tree, copy this to your profile!
Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people who answer "Where to begin?"
If you love the rain, copy and past this onto your profile.
If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil. Copy and paste this in your profile.
Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.
_QUOTES THAT ROCK_
Whoever said nothing is impossible, obviously never tried to slam a revolving door.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I don't suffer from insanity I enjoy every minute of it.
You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid.
There is stupid coming out of your mouth hole again
God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.
So many boys, so many reasons to stay alone
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings...I was aiming for your face
When you’re down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I’ll be willing to lay down right next to you
I hear your silence loud and clear
Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.
Why do today what you could put off till tomorrow?
How can i miss you if you never left?
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Don’t mess with me I've got a stick.
Boys are like purses: cute, full of crap, and always replaceable
Boys are like skateboards, they can go fast but usually there pretty slow.
Boys are like knives, useful but they'll cut you eventually
If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving.
I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to walk into walls
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Help I've fallen and I can't...hey nice carpet!
A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws.
"We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do."
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive
Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.
Life's Tough, get a helmet
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?
Only in America, do banks have braille on the drive-thru ATMs.
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections?
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths
The cops never find it as funny as you do
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
If you think things can’t get worse it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.
I once prayed to god for a bike, but quickly found out he didn't work that way…so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.
A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.
You can’t be late until you show up.
Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
A man likes his wife to be just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness, and just stupid enough to admire it.
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven’t sent one out.
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Books have knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, corruption is a crime, and crime doesn’t pay..so if you keep reading, you’ll go broke.
Anyone who uses the phrase “easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it.
Clever men are good, but they are not the best.
A criminal is a person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.
Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.
I was browsing and I found this interesting and humorous list on SparkleInTheSun's profile. Of course, me being the cut and paste fanatic I am, I just had to put it on my profile. Enjoy.
How to Tell if You're a Writer
-If you talk to yourself.
EVEN MORE FUN WITH CUT AND PASTES(Yeah, I am a cut-and-pasteaholic and I'm damn proud of it! Don't judge me!)
Found on pirate-muffins-13's profile
Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself! It's rude!
Don't look at me in that tone of voice!
It takes skill to trip over flat surfaces.
Okay, that rip in the time-space continuum was so not my fault...ish.
My voices tell me that your voices are dorks.
Oh! Look, a distraction!
Sometimes, when I hear a song on the radio, I'm like red, green, red, blue, yellow.
Normal is a setting on a dryer.
In case of emergency, break dance.
For sale! My parents: buy one, get one free.
If love is stupid, then I stupid you.
School starts September 9. Resistance is futile.
I don't have a short attention span! I just...oh look, a kitten!
I hope you know that often times, we're the only ones who think each other's funny.
Homework kills trees. Save trees. Don't do homework.
Rawr! It means "I love you" in dinosaur.
Hold up! I can't hear you. Let me turn down my awesomeness...
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.
Come to the dark side. We have cookies.
They don't know that we know that they know we know.
I shower naked.
Sometimes, when I say "I'm fine," I want someone to look me in the eyes and say "tell the truth"
You'll always be my friend. You know too much.
The voices in my head are fighting again.
Music is my crack.
We are so hot, we make fire stop, drop, and roll.
I've gone to find myself. If I get back before I return, keep me here.
"I'm a dinosaur, so, like, 'rawr,' and stuffs"
Let’s go shenaniganizing!
People think I’m crazy, but I’m actually just bored.
People are like slinkies. Basically useless, yet it’s so fun to watch them fall down the stairs…
I find ‘good morning’ a contradiction of terms.
I’m not short. I’m built low to the ground for speed and accuracy.
I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.
You’re a great friend, but if zombies chase us, I’m tripping you.
The REAL Christmas miracle was finding three wise men.
Did you know that if you say “Gullible” slowly, it sounds like “green beans?”
I’m not good at empathy. Will you accept sarcasm?
Bad things happen when my friends think…
Holy nonsensical exclamation, batman!
Friends are the ones who cry with you. Best friends are the ones who stand there with a shovel and ask who did it.
Friends are the ones who ask what happened. Best friends are the ones who shout, “SHE’S PISSED! MOVE!”
I’m not as random as you think I SALAD!
I saw this on Tumblr and adored it. I want to reblog it forever and I want it to be a part of my profile on here, too. I feel this way a lot and I can only hope I can find a guy (skinny or otherwise) that's like the one in this passage. Enjoy and pass along to as many as you can. It's called, "10 Honest Thoughts on Being Loved by a Skinny Boy" by the awesome Rachel Wiley.
Another gem from Tumblr...
Stand naked in front of a mirror for a long time, under unflattering light if possible. Trace the rises and falls of the little ripples on your skin — the scars, the dimples, the cellulite — and think about how much you try to hide these things in your day-to-day. Wonder why you hate them so much, and if this hate stems from somewhere within yourself, or as a result of being told all your life that it’s wrong to have physical flaws. Wonder what you would think of your body if you never looked at a magazine, if you never thought about celebrities and models, if you never had to wonder where someone would rate you on a scale of 10. Look at yourself until the initial recoil softens, and you can consider your features in a more forgiving frame of mind.
Listen to the music which makes you want to both sob and dance with uninhibited joy, and allow yourself to repeat any song you want as many times as your heart desires. Think of the person you are when you have your favorite song in your headphones and are walking down a street you feel you own completely, swaying your hips and smiling for no good reason — remember how many things you love about yourself during those moments, how much you are willing to forgive in yourself, how confident you are for no good reason. Try to think of confidence as a gift you give yourself when you need it, instead of something you have to siphon from every unreliable source in your life. Dance because the music makes you remember how much you love yourself, not because it allows you to forget the fact that you don’t.
Write a list of all the things you like about yourself, even if you think it’s a self-indulgent and narcissistic activity. Start as early as you like in your life — put down that time you won a trophy playing little league soccer when you were eight and then got an extra-large shake at the DQ on the way home, and don’t feel silly for remembering it. Try to understand how many sources in your life happiness can come from, how many things you could be proud of if you chose to. Ask yourself why you so tightly limit the things you take pride in, why you set your own hurdles for happiness and fulfillment so much higher than you do with anyone else in your life. Let your list go on for pages and pages if you want it to.
Touch and care for yourself with the attention and the patience that you would someone you loved more than life itself. Rub lotion in small circles on your elbows and hands when it is cold and your skin is dry and cracked. Make soup for yourself when your nose is running and curl up, with your favorite movie, in a pile of expertly-stacked pillows. Light a few candles and let their glow flicker against your body. Admire how gentle they are, how delicately their warmth touches you — wonder why you don’t let yourself do the same. Soak your feet in warm water at the end of a long day, until they have forgiven you for walking on them for so long without so much as a “thank you.” Listen to your body when it aches to be touched, and don’t be afraid to give it every orgasm that you may have been too ashamed to ask for in someone else’s bed.
Be patient with yourself, and don’t worry if a switch doesn’t flip in you which abruptly takes you from “crippling self-doubt” to “uncompromising self-love.” Allow yourself all the trepidation and clumsy, uneven infatuation that you would with a promising stranger. Try only to be kinder, to be softer, and to remember all of the things within you which are worth loving. Listen to the voice in the back of your head which tells you, as much out of sadness as anger, “You are ugly. You are stupid. You are boring.” Give it the fleeting moment of attention it so craves, and then remind it, “Even if that were true, I’d still be worth loving.”
— Chelsea Fagan,(via )
The Class of 2011 own your souls forever.
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