Poll: Which story should I continue? The other two will be continued over the summer. Vote Now!
Author has written 5 stories for Twilight, and Harry Potter.
Name: I have no identity
Hobbies: Pass times
Favorite Colors: Colors
Favorite Bands: You'll get a sense if you read my stories
Here is a list of my life principals. Blunt, smart assed, and determined. My best traits! Ha ha.
-All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
-Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.
-Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
-Why is it that people are fine with everyone having a different job or going to a different school, but if you say you follow a different religion, you are weird?
-There are 3 reasons to go through the day: Coffee in the morning, friends in the afternoon, and a good book for the rest of the day.
-Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
-I'm going to live forever, or die trying.
-If I had something good to say, I would have already said it.
-Employee of the month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a looser at the same time.
-Never knock on Death's door-ring the bell and run away. Death really hates that.
-Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
-If you get a low enough SAT score, you should be able to park in the handicap space.
-Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening.
-I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.
-Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
-When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.
-Education is important; school however, is another matter.
-Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
-You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a cliff, I laugh even harder!
-Hello. You have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, where you are from, and what you want so there is no need to leave a message.
-They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people.
-I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!
-That, my children, is called a wall. But beware the wall is solid. Yes be afraid! Be very afraid for we cannot walk through it! Believe me children, for I have attempted this many times before.
-Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
-Some people are alive today, simply because it is illegal to kill them.
-The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.
-I got an A in philosophy because I proved my professor doesn’t exist.
-If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.
-Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are the same number of letters?
-Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might actually clean them?
-There are no stupid questions – just a bunch of inquisitive idiots.
-Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.
-High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.
-It takes 47 muscles to frown, 13 to smile and absolutely none to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
-People say satire is dead. It’s not dead. It’s alive and living in the White House.
-I’m not afraid to die. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.
-I do not deny everything.
-Sometimes the mind, for reasons we do not necessarily understand, just decides to go the store for a quart of milk.
-The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it is unfamiliar territory.
-Always proofread to make you sure you don’t any words out.
-I'm not short I'm fun sized.
-Love me or hate me personally I could care less
-Unless you've lived my life, don't judge me because you don't know, never have & never will know every little thing & detail about me
-You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then.
-When you get caught looking at him, remember he was looking back.
-Girls are like phones, we love to be held, and talked to but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
-I'm the type of girl who will burst out laughing in dead silence over something that happened a year ago : )
-Isn't it ironic . . . we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who love us, and love those who hurt us
-Don't follow in my footsteps . . . I run into walls.
-Do you want to know why I'm still on earth? Heaven kicked me out and hell is afraid I'll take over
-Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hot-line. If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent ask someone to press 2 for you. If you have multiple personalities press 3, 4, 5, 6. If you are paranoid, we know what you are and what you want so stay on the line and we'll trace your call. If you are delusional press 7 and your call will be sent to the Mother Ship. If you are schizophrenic listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer you. If you are dislexic press 6, 9, 6, 9, 6, 9. If you have a nervous disorder fidget with the hatch key until the beep. After the beep, please wait for the beep. If you have short term memory loss, please try your call again later and if you have low self esteem, hang up; all our operators are too busy to talk to you.
My favorite quotes consist of something either romantic, sarcastic, or smart ass. Like me. Mwahaha
"Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies." ~ Willy Wonka - Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
"You are like ten different kinds of stupid." ~ Jake - Samurai Girl
"I say jump." "I say how high." "You don't say anything. You just jump." ~ Jake and Heaven - Samurai Girl
"And what a shame for I do dearly love to laugh." ~ Elizabeth Bennett - Pride and Prejudice Movie
"Oh, quite well is not very well; I'm satisfied." ~ Elizabeth Bennett - Pride and Prejudice Movie
"I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly." ~ Edward - Twilight
"Its an off day when I don't have somebody telling me how edible I smell." ~ Bella - Twilight
"A pigmy-puff, but I didn't say where." ~ Ginny - Harry Potter
"I dunno but I don't think it's pumpkin juice." ~ Harry - Harry Potter
"Bee in your bonnet Potter?" ~ the Sorting Hat - Harry Potter
"Your bird, he just caught fire." ~ Harry - Harry Potter
"A prius is not a car it is a lunch box. Did you know that when your driving down a highway and you stick your hand out the window the vehicle will turn?" ~ Achmed the Dead Terrorist. - Jeff Dunham
"I think my house is haunted." "Why?" "My wife is there. I open the door and all I hear is get out." ~ Walter and Jeff Dunham - Jeff Dunham
"So Walter how long have you been married?" "46 years." "And what was the happiest moment of your life?" "47 years ago." ~ Jeff Dunham and Walter - Jeff Dunham
"Women age like fine wine." "She's aging like milk." ~ Jeff Dunham and Walter - Jeff Dunham
"What would Jesus do? So I tried to turn her into fish. I stood there thinking BE GONE SATAN. HELLO SHAMU." ~ Walter - Jeff Dunham
"What is your title Nick?" "Well I guess you could consider it framing and dry walling." "Framing and dry walling? Got anything for that dumb ass? You know Nick we have jokes for Doctors, and Lawyers, even trash guys but the framing and dry walling guy. Not in our arsenal of snappy come-backs. And we're not going to bother going home and writing any because what are the damn odds now?" ~ Walter and Nick - Jeff Dunham
"Polish a turd, it's still a turd." ~ Peanut - Jeff Dunham
"Hey Peanut it's eight o'clock in the morning there's a lot of traffic out there, what's going on? It's eight o'clock in the morning. Everyone left the house at the same damn time. Back to you. Call me back at five thirty I'll tell you the same damn thing! Only guess what? They're going to other way!" ~ Peanut - Jeff Dunham
"The drive from the valley..." "Sucked like Hell" "The traffic..." "Was bad as hell." "The drivers..." "Were scary as hell." "Parking..." "Sucked more like hell." "So..." "We're in HELL! And these are our hell mates. Whenever someone tells ya to go to hell, we just gotta come right here." ~ Jeff Dunham and Peanut - Jeff Dunham
"Grown white men, going five hundred miles an hour, in a circle! What kinda three and a half hours is this; oh they're making a left turn and another left turn. And another left turn! Let's go to commercial and come back in ten minutes. You ain't gonna miss a damn thing!" ~ Sweet Daddy Dee - Jeff Dunham
"I was fixin' to come here, and I walked out the front door to come here, and I came here and I got here, and here I am." ~ Bubba J - Jeff Dunham
"Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia." ~ Charles Schulz
"If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?" ~ Anonymous
"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?" ~ Anonymous
"My father is semi-retired. He goes half-way to work, then he comes home." ~ Anonymous
"We just bought a new house. My husband calls it a 'fixer'upper.' I call it a piece of crap." ~ Anonymous
"Smoking kills. If you are killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." ~ Brooke Shields
"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body." ~ Winston Bennett
“I’m here eleven days after the election. And I can feel the heat. It’s kinda like being in New York Square on New Years Day. Ya know, after everyone’s gone home and there’s garbage on the ground.” ~ Paul Rudd
“Being here now is like winning an Oscar. Well those technical Oscars they give out in hotels but it’s still and Oscar.” ~ Paul Rudd
“Being here hosting Saturday Night Live is like the ninth best moment of my life.” ~ Michael Phelps
“As my mother would say ‘God love him but he’s a raging maniac and a dear, dear friend’.” ~ impersonation of Joe Biden
“Ya know we’re gonna take every aspect of the crisis and look at it and then we’re gonna ask ourselves what would a Maverick do in this situation. And then ya know, we’ll do that.” ~ impersonation of Sarah Palin
“Mr. Castle please understand that if you get injured following detective Becket for research for your next book you cannot sue the city. If you get shot you cannot sue the city. If you are killed…” “My lifeless remains cannot sue the city.” ~ Chief of Police and Castle
Most of my copy and pastes involve falling, doing something stupid, or saying something bluntly. That's the best part of copy and pastes. Dignity get us nowhere in the land of humility.
If you've ever tripped over a WATCH YOUR STEP sign, copy and paste this into your profile
If you've ever tripped over an article of clothing you were wearing at the time, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you have ever walked into a glass door thinking it was open, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this in your profile!
Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile.
If you have ever started humming a song that you have absolutely no idea what it is put this on your profile.
If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile
If you have ever copy and paste something onto your profile, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you have ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you have ever forgotten what you are talking about in a conversation, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you have ever stabbed yourself or someone else with a pencil, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile!
98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels!
If you walk and trip or stumble because your too busy reading a book copy and paste this into your profile!
If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile!
If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile
If you've ever pulled on a door and complained about it being locked or really heavy, only to have someone point out to you that you're supposed be pushing on the door or vice versa, copy and paste this into your profile!
Admitting you are weird means you are normal! Saying that you are normal is odd! If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy and paste this onto your profile!
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself! It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE then it's weird! If you agree, copy and paste this and put it in your profile!
If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile!
92 percent of teenage population would die if Abercrombie and Fitch wasn't cool to breath any more, Put this in your profile if your one of the 8 percent that would be laughing your butt off!
If you think vampires have souls copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you think the Cocoa Puff Turkey Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile!
Chocolate chip cookies are the best! If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy and paste this into your profile!
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone! Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good! If you are weird and proud of it copy onto your profile this in your profile!
If you think rock paper scissors solves everything then put this in ur profile!
If you are obsessed with fanfiction, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you think iPods were gifts from the gods copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you think Fred should just let Barney have the freakin' Coco Pebbles and stop chasing him, then copy and paste this in your profile!
If you think that any cartoon characters that are trying to steal cereal should just go to the freaking grocery store and buy some themselves copy this into your profile!
If your family/friends/people around you stared at you when you did the above mentioned, copy and paste this onto your profile!
If you think that dumb girl from the Eggo commercial should just give her father some freakin' waffles already, copy and paste this into your profile!
If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile!
Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists' likings! If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile! LONG LIVE PLUTO!
If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile!
My best friend is insane, if you think your best friend is insane, put this in your profile!
If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile!
If there are times when you just wanna annoy people for the heck of it then copy and paste this into your profile!
Skittles tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!
If you are sad because there will be no more Harry Potter books , copy and paste this into your profile
If you ever fell off a chair backwards copy this into your profile.
If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile
If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.
98 percent of the population has a myspace. If you're one of the 2 percent that isn't emo, copy and paste this in your profile.
If, for no warning, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile.
If you have ever ran into a mirror, copy this into your profile.
If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile
Ninety-eight percent of teenagers have tried smoking pot. If you're one of the two percent who hasn't, copy this and paste it in your profile.
If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this on your profile.
If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile
If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever tripped where there is a WATCH YOUR STEP SIGN copy this into your pro
AACD is Addicted to All Cullens Disorder
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. copy and paste this if you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?"
If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.
If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile
Help fight wizard illiteracy - Petition for English classes at Hogwarts.
Help fight wizard obesity - Petition for P.E. classes at Hogwarts.
This is Bunny. Copy and paste him onto your profile to help him gain world domination
The Real Definition
(From Italian Job)
This isn't one of those fake, repost or your life will be a living hell things. It's just for you to read, and think of all the people that died that day, all the people that had loved ones and never said goodbye and for all the people who had to watch as their best friends, lovers too, died. I'm not asking you to repost this, you don't even have to cry, just keep this in your hearts and minds for the people that never got goodbyes.
Try Not To Cry
Her name was Aurora
Her dad was a drunk
Her only friend
She always talked to it
Until her parents
A bruise on her leg
But she grabs her bear
She sits in the corner
Such a bad life
Then one night
Then her mom suddenly
She thrust the blade
The mom walked out
Police showed up
One officer slowly
It must have been bad
If you hate child abuse, post this on your profile.
25 Reasons to Thank my Mother:
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
THE MORSE CODE :
A DECIMAL POINT:
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
These are Dr. Laura's man rules.
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
16 things to do in Walmart.
1.Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at 5-minute intervals.
42 Things to do in an Elevator
1. CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
Spread the Stupidity
Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Man: Haven't I seen you some place before?
Man: Can I buy you a drink?
Man: How did you get to be so beautiful?
Man: Your face must turn a few heads.
Man: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out.
Man: I think I could make you very happy.
Man: What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
Man: Can I have your name?
Man: want to see a movie?
Man: Where have you been all my life?
Man: I'm God's gift to women
On Sears hairdryer:
On a bag of Fritos:
On a bar of Dial soap:
On some Swann frozen dinners:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
On Nytol sleep aid:
On a Korean kitchen knife:
On a string of Christmas lights:
On a Japanese food processor:
On Sainsbury's peanuts:
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
On a Swedish chainsaw:
On a child's Superman costume:
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