Author has written 2 stories for Harry Potter.
Hey all, it's Maddheart8181.
Dear parents, Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy named Aladdin. Snow White lived alone with 7 men. Pinnochio was a liar. Robin Hood was a thief. Tarzan walked around without clothes on. A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party. Sincerely, it's not our fault, it's how you raised us.
Judge me and I'll prove you wrong. Tell me what to do and I'll tell you off. Say I'm not worth it and watch where I end up. Call me a bitch and I'll show you one. Fuck me over and I'll do it to you twice as bad. Call me crazy but you really have no idea.
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can apppreciate them when they're right. You believe the lies so eventuallly you learn to trust no one but yourself and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. - Marilyn Monroe
Call me a slut, call me whore, if you don't like me then there's the door. Call me anorexic, call me fat, I can put it on or I can lose that. Call me stupid, call me dumb, excuse me miss I'm just having fun. Call me a flirt, call me a fake, that's just me so give me a break. Call me weird, call me a geek, call me whatever, I'm just unique.
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice and leave them all wondering how the fuck you did it.
I promise to remember Harry
When someone grows up with no love
I promise to remember Ron
When someone is jealous
I promise to remember Hermione
When I meet someone with wisdom beyond their years
I promise to remember James and Lily
when someone dies before their time
I promise to remember Dumbledore
At the thought of the greater good
I promise to "Solemely Swear That I Am Up To No Good"
for Gred, Forge, and Padfoot of course
I promise to remember Moony
And fight for human rights
I promise to remember Snape
When My heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Narcissa
When I'd do anything for family
I promise to remember Dora Tonks
When someone is hyper
I promise to remember Hedwig,
who lived and died soaring
I promise to remember Percy
When ambition gets the best of me
I promise to be careful
For Moody's sake, of course
I promise to remember Hagrid
When one is wrongly blamed
I promise to remember Neville
when I stand up for what is right
I promise to remember the Marauders
When a friend says "Call me and I'll be there."
Yes I promise that I will
remember Harry Potter
My name is Sarah and I am but three, My eyes are swollen shut and I cannot see,
If you think the above poem is sad and child abuse is wrong, copy this into your profile.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.
What a Boyfriend SHOULD do:
I found these on other profiles. I take no credit for them:
Heaven doesn't want me, and hell's afraid I'll take over.
When the world is ending, I'm throwing the party!
Parents spend the first half of your life teaching you to walk and talk, and the other half telling you to sit down and shut up.
You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh harder.
People are like Slinkys. Basically useless. And yet it's so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.
You can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. You can, however, pick the insane asylum where you have them all locked away.
Something everyone should remember: Emmett is the strongest. Edward is the fastest. But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make you feel jealous.
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police do.
The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?
God made man, and then he said, "I can do better than that," and made women.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
People that don't know me think I'm quiet. People that do wish I was.
I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
They keep saying the right person will come along. I think a truck hit mine.
You're diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
If it wasn’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
This calls for a particularly subtle blend of psychology and extreme violence.
When I die, I want to go peacefully, like my grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
25 REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"I called your boyfriend gay and he slapped me with his purse."
God made Coke. God made Pepsi. God made me, oh so sexy. God made rivers. God make lakes. God made you, well we all make mistakes.
ONLY IN AMERICA...
Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in America...are there handicap parking spaces in front of a skating rink.
Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
Only in America...do we use the word 'politcs' to describe the process so well: 'poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
(you know you're laughing inside XD)
Things you Would Never Know Without Movies
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone or something will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a sports stadium.
Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption and/or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds ... unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
I AM IN SIRIUS DENIAL! SIRIUS IS NOT DEAD! AND I WILL NOT LET YOU SAY OTHERWISE! If you too are in Sirius denial then copy and paste this into your profile. Because Denial is not just a river in Egypt
If EDWARD CULLEN said to stop breathing, 99 percent of girls currently on the face of the earth would be dead. Put this on your profile if you'd be the one percent still alive because you'd be saying you were just "uncomfortable", and you were a VAMPIRE!!
When life gives you lemons, alter their DNA and make SUPER LEMONS!
If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile.
93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Edward's One True Love, Esme's Favorite Daughter, pirate-princess1, Desi-Pari Always, Maddheart8181
AV is Addicted to Vampires
The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.
Friends will always be like "well you deserve better" but best friends will be prank calling, telling him he'll die in seven days.
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Well, im a pacifist, but when the revolution comes, I'll destroy all of you... except you joey
Joey ate my last stick of gum. So I killed him... do you think that was wrong?
If you're gonna be two-faced, sweetie at least make one of them pretty.
Education is important, school however, is another matter.
Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
I run with scissors; it makes me feel dangerous.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.
They say "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the gun helps, cuz if you just stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.
What's the point of having a giant paper clip if you won't use it for world domination?
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
closed minds always seem to be connected to open mouths
yeah, Im a loser. but the coolest loser you'll ever meet
cute but psycho. things even out
save the earth. it's the only planet with chocolate.
your weirdness is creeping out my imaginary friend
tell the truth and run
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking creatures?
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends
i live in my own little world. but it's ok, they know me there
Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
between two evils, i always pick the one I've never tried
shit happens. but mostly to me, so dont worry
shut up voices! or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!
whoever said nothings impossible, never tried skydiving without a parachute. or maybe they did. I mean we never really met whoever said it, did we?
i talk to myself because my answers are the only ones i accept!
why get high when there are other ways to achieve a smug sence of superiority- sarcasm: the ultimate anti-drug
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
life is all about ass. everyone's either covering it, laughing it off, kicking it, kissing it, trying to get a piece of it, or simply just being one.
why do people always say life is short. life is the longest damn thing you can do.
I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind! but not my brain. I need that
you cry, i cry. you laugh, i laugh. you jump of a cliff, i laugh even harder
No I won't go to hell! it has a restraining order against me
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
'it's always the last place you look'. well of course it is! why the heck would I keep looking after I found it?
Come join the dark side. (We have the Cullens)
If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile.
If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.
I like eggs. Tigers are pretty. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile
When you fall: A friend helps you up; a best friend keeps walking and says,"Walk much dumbass?"
When Life gives you lemons, squirt them in Life's eyes.
Everyone has a wild side-me and my friends just prefer to make them public
I've got ADD and magic markers. Oh the fun I will have
Note to Self: Normal is just a setting on washing machines.
Why are the Force and ductape the same?-Both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
Do not use an axe to kill a fly on your friends' head.
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and be forever happy doing so."
That night, while the princess dined on frogs legs, she laughed to herself and thought "I don't think so."