stoned fruit
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Joined 09-07-08, id: 1688040, Profile Updated: 03-05-09

About me:

yer im not saying my name i'm not really into the stalking thing

but anywhoo

i like sugar highs, barack obama (yer im from Australia but our president/prime mister sucks so im imagining America's president is also Australia's :B) music, reading, writing, practically everything with twilight and my insane friends

if you people are actually reading this i tip my hat off too you

i hate my step dads music ((i no i said i love music but not his it's TERRIBLE AAAAAHHHHH IT BURNS) yer sorry about that), backstabbing people, snobs, people with bad manners, bitchy people in general, when people are like OMG SOZZA BABE i swear everytime i hear that i just about smack my head on the nearest hard surface, greed, jealousy, hate, dumbasses who are oh look we're going into global warming LET'S GO KILL STUFF (dumbass)

The Craziness that revolves around me (it's really just me :D)

Going into toy stoes and run around with toy guns making explosive noises

Laughing at men with ponytails

Laughing at myself

Laughing at brick walls

Laughing at desks

Laughing...

Running in circles

Writing nail polish on people's arms

Writing i love pink nail polish on my best guy friends book

Him stopping me then saying NO I LOVE HOT PINK NAIL POLISH what kind of friend are you (shakes his head)

Making people catch my itchies (it's really weird i get itch and im like im itchy then said best guy friend is like OH GREAT NOW IM ITCHY while glaring at me)

Writing on people's arms

Going crossed-eyed while acting like a fish

Tomorrow is a weird word its like to... mo... rrow

RUN CHICKEN BEFORE THEY TURN YOU INTO CHICKEN! (that chicken is my hero it escaped from its coop and was walking on the roof),

saying crude and suss things in Japanese

You know those people who in class when they think they know an answer they start making weird sounds like monkeys. Those people make my day, especially when they the question wrong and they get heaps cut ( i know... i know its heaps slack but if you stop acting like a monkey then maybe i wont laugh at you.)

Having weird dreams like marrying Mario from Super Mario Brothers then growing a moustache like him

YER SO WHAT IF I LIKE FLAMIGOS AND FURBIES

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you support the ‘Make Edward change Bella into a vampire’ club, copy this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. (ahaha so true...)

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile. (im a fanfiction whore :B)

My best friend is insane! If you agree, or if you have an insane friend, then copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile

If you think that Writer's Block blows, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile. (ahaha ALL THE TIME)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile

If you like chocolate as much as I do (that's a lot), copy this in your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

If you think disclaimers are the most annoying thing ever copy and paste this onto your profile..

If you like animals, give one a home if you can. If you already have or can't but want to spread the word, copy this onto your profile.

I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile. (i burnt my cookie in the microwave tear poor cookie)

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile. (i scare people in general)

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

No boy is worth crying for, and the one that is won't make you cry. If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know there's more to good random humor than saying "cheese", "fudge", or "pie", copy and paste this into your profile. (IT'S SO TRUE jeez people some more creativity would be nice)

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

-If you love the rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a wall b4, put this on your profile.

This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination.

If you're a proud stalker and obsessed love-struck girl of Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, copy this into your profile.

I like furbies. Tigers are pretty. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tried blocking your thoughts about how georgous Edward Cullen is because you don't want said georgous Edward Cullen to hear, copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile (in my world everyone is a stick figure C:)

If you've ever fallen off a chair backwards, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever passed notes in class when you are allowed to talk copy and paste this into your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what are you doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour long sob fest, and start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say some completely random thing, like," Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumb-war with yourself. Crazy is when you type up all your favorite sayings and tape them on your wall, just for something to do. Crazy is when you memorize the biographies and physical traits of every character in Twilight (or almost, at least). Crazy is when you write Emmett or Edward Cullen is hot on your homework instead of doing it. Crazy is when you giggle upon finding out that Edward has gone to the Volturi, because it was stupid for him to take second hand information. Crazy is when you wish your boyfriend's name was Jasper or Edward. Crazy is when you sit for hours on end talking about Edward with your friends. Crazy is when one of your friends come up to you and says "He is so completely georgous!" and you know exactly who their talking about because your brain is no longer set on English, but Twilight. Crazy is when you and your friends search "how to become a vampire", and all the answers are telling you to kill yourself, then you will become one and you actually think about doing it because you wanna meet and be a Cullen so much. Crazy is when you say something so obvious and stupid but only get what you said 5 minutes later. If you are crazy, copy this onto your profile and add something crazy you've done to the list.

If whenever you see or hear the brand "Volvo" you freak out and start giggling uncontrollably and then people stare at you funny copy and paste this onto your profile

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional character Edward, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

A friend helps you when you fall; a best friend says "Walk much, dumbass?"

A friend gives you their umbrella when it rains; a best friend takes your's and says "RUN!"

A friend wipes your tears when you're rejected; a best friend walks up to him and says "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A friend will bail you out of jail; a best friend will be in the room next to you saying "THAT WAS AWESOME, LETS DO IT AGAIN!!

A good friend helps you when you fall. A best friend laughs and trips you again.

1 out of every 4 people are insane. Look at your three best friends, if it's not them, it's you.

They call it PMS because "Mad cow disease" was already taken.

Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Legacy by AutumnDreamer reviews
Edward is used to living life as a solitary teenager until he moves to Washington & reluctantly makes friends. When everything seems to be going right, his world is torn apart by a long-kept secret that leaves him questioning everything he's ever known.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 50 - Words: 335,653 - Reviews: 2794 - Favs: 1,367 - Follows: 1,472 - Updated: 12/16/2014 - Published: 10/28/2008 - Edward - Complete
Last Tango in Forks by AwesomeSauce76 reviews
(PULLED TO PUBLISH) Bella Swan has spent a lifetime putting everyone else's needs before her own. Could a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger begin to change all of that? AU/AH
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 492 - Reviews: 16906 - Favs: 8,631 - Follows: 5,708 - Updated: 9/7/2014 - Published: 4/23/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
If Every Word I Said Could Make You Laugh by carmelinagunn reviews
Bella moved to LA and has found "sisters" in 2 of her school mates. They meet 3 brothers in their new apt building & experiences love in more ways than one, in more depth than she knew was possible. Zip up your love. Read IEWIS. AH, regular pairings.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 46 - Words: 291,233 - Reviews: 5021 - Favs: 5,007 - Follows: 1,325 - Updated: 5/29/2014 - Published: 7/9/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Legacy: Extras & Outtakes by AutumnDreamer reviews
Little extras and outtakes that revolve around my Twilight fan fiction Legacy, but don't necessarily need to be in the story itself. You do need to read Legacy to understand what's going on.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 14,369 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 108 - Updated: 8/11/2013 - Published: 1/24/2009 - Bella, Charlie S., Edward, Esme
The Cellar by iambeagle reviews
Boy meets Girl. Girl's friend throws up on Boy's shoes. A story about wannabe hipsters, awkward moments, and soul mates.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 49,262 - Reviews: 4141 - Favs: 2,840 - Follows: 1,878 - Updated: 11/3/2012 - Published: 11/12/2011 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Dear Mr Masen by jendonna reviews
"Error 434: Reprimanding an executive." Life changing or just stupid? Dear Mr. Masen: A story of unauthorized Internet usage, culinary delights and the goings-on at Cullen, Inc. AH, ExB.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 127,500 - Reviews: 12853 - Favs: 7,643 - Follows: 6,165 - Updated: 2/14/2012 - Published: 11/17/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Strange Brew by Magnolia822 reviews
Soon-to-be college senior Bella Swan needs a summer job. Edward Cullen needs a worker for his new tasting room at Cullen Creek Brewery. She doesn't know much about beer, but she knows how to push his buttons. Romance/Humor, ExB
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 24 - Words: 108,831 - Reviews: 5463 - Favs: 5,596 - Follows: 3,011 - Updated: 1/10/2012 - Published: 12/7/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Bad Blood by LadyExcalibur2010 reviews
Edward Cullen was a man who liked order. He arranged his life into neat little segments, exercising rigid control in all areas of his existence. Then one day, all of it was brought tumbling down by one simple question.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 57,319 - Reviews: 2255 - Favs: 2,597 - Follows: 1,026 - Updated: 11/30/2011 - Published: 1/6/2011 - Edward, Bella - Complete
The Vampire in the Basement by michellephants reviews
While hunting one afternoon, the boys stumble upon what appears to be a corpse. When they learn it's a severely broken vampire, they take him home to do what they can to help. But of course, fate has plans for this man. Canon Couples. AU.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 32 - Words: 164,189 - Reviews: 11458 - Favs: 8,997 - Follows: 6,574 - Updated: 10/30/2011 - Published: 2/26/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
When Fiction Becomes Reality by BITTENEV reviews
Bella is a writer whose most successful book is one she wrote about Edward, her high school crush. Edward is now an A-list actor and has signed on to star in a movie based on Bella's creation. AU/AH Bella-of-the-Ball continuation.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 157,715 - Reviews: 8123 - Favs: 8,168 - Follows: 8,395 - Updated: 8/3/2011 - Published: 12/9/2008 - Bella, Edward
My Perfect Mr Imperfect by xrxdanixrx reviews
Bella wanted Mr. Perfect, but he didn't want her. When Mr. Imperfect comes along, can she look close enough to see just who is more perfect for her? A story about falling in love with the imperfections. AH - Rated M for lemons later.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 165,467 - Reviews: 6118 - Favs: 3,878 - Follows: 2,413 - Updated: 5/12/2011 - Published: 9/9/2010 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Paper CutOuts by twistedcoincidence reviews
Bella prefers the virtual to the actual, but feels herself being tugged from the safety of her online realm into the world of a rough edged Edward. This time she'll write her own story. Collab with astilbe13 AH/AU
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 34 - Words: 136,587 - Reviews: 10169 - Favs: 6,138 - Follows: 3,641 - Updated: 2/15/2011 - Published: 5/23/2010 - Bella, Edward - Complete
I Hate You, Kiss Me by BittenBee reviews
Bella has given up on dating, but she has a one-night stand with a mystery man named Edward. Both are surprised when he gets a job at her law firm! Coworkers Alice and Jasper, best bud Emmett, and sultry boss Rosalie play a role in Bella's love life. Humor, UST. Rated M. Nominated twice for The Lemonade Stand Fic of the Week.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 198,228 - Reviews: 3039 - Favs: 4,510 - Follows: 2,748 - Updated: 9/9/2010 - Published: 1/19/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Piano Lessons by wtvoc reviews
Continuation of the original story by Bella-of-the-Ball, with permission, of course! AH. As a special birthday gift, one of Bella's students sets her up with free piano lessons, with a hidden agenda. temporarily on hiatus; thank you for your patience!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 15 - Words: 75,995 - Reviews: 1991 - Favs: 1,839 - Follows: 2,191 - Updated: 6/29/2010 - Published: 11/5/2008 - Bella, Edward
I Hate Myself For Loving You by halojones reviews
Bella's ready to bust out of her shell in college with roomie Alice. She meets the dazzling but rakish Edward, but is warned of his less than angelic ways. Will B/A be just another notch in the belt for J/E, or will they teach the boys a lesson or two?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 60 - Words: 239,525 - Reviews: 10019 - Favs: 7,425 - Follows: 6,117 - Updated: 4/19/2010 - Published: 3/28/2008
Ignorance is Not Bliss by InsaneGrizzlies reviews
Bella lives a good life, with trivial things to worry about most times, and is sometimes naive about the rest of the world.Until she meets Edward, who's from the wrong side of the tracks.What will this irritating guy teach her about life and its choice?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 57 - Words: 260,004 - Reviews: 2311 - Favs: 883 - Follows: 568 - Updated: 4/16/2010 - Published: 5/24/2008 - Complete
My Brother's Best Friend by jennlynnfs reviews
AU/AH: Seven years have passed since Edward and Bella last saw each other. Now, with Edward's return to Seattle, Bella wonders what drove away her brother's best friend all those years ago. *More detailed summary included with chapter 1.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 254,658 - Reviews: 6001 - Favs: 8,772 - Follows: 5,215 - Updated: 2/28/2010 - Published: 7/4/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
An Unfortunate Look Into Bella's Lovesick Psyche by petitebelette reviews
Bella is new in Forks, and she's already crushing on Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen, a misunderstood poet, is totally crushing on Bella Swan, but he has a few secrets-including a rep as a dangerous bad boy and the town pariah. AU/AH, adult themes, language
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 23 - Words: 59,108 - Reviews: 1771 - Favs: 2,760 - Follows: 942 - Updated: 1/25/2010 - Published: 1/14/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Pink Fluffy Pencil Case by CrystalBrooke reviews
AH. No one talks to Edward Cullen. He's the weird emo kid with the sexy hair and black skinny jeans. He denies he wears guyliner, but he totally does. Bella is the new girl, and doesn't get why he hates her. Never judge a person by their pencil case...
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 47,495 - Reviews: 2783 - Favs: 2,051 - Follows: 1,233 - Updated: 9/17/2009 - Published: 1/12/2009 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Derailment by Ruby-Wednesday reviews
Edward and Bella form an instant connection after a chance encounter in the train station.Will this collision bring them back on track or derail them completely? E/B AH INCOMPLETE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 53,758 - Reviews: 1338 - Favs: 617 - Follows: 887 - Updated: 8/30/2009 - Published: 10/4/2008 - Bella, Edward
Must Have Been Love by wtvoc reviews
AU-Human, Normal pairings. Alice thinks her roommate and her cousin are Made For Each Other. What say her cousin and her roommate? And why is it that love always has to get so very, very complicated?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 26 - Words: 125,012 - Reviews: 3448 - Favs: 3,205 - Follows: 2,050 - Updated: 8/2/2009 - Published: 6/17/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Let the World Spin Madly On by theskyisyours reviews
Edward is left in emotional turmoil after witnessing the death of his mother at an early age. Bella moves to Forks senior year to live with her father after a similar experience. Is Bella strong enough to tear down his walls? M just to be safe. AH.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 55,594 - Reviews: 236 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 230 - Updated: 7/28/2009 - Published: 10/22/2008
Stoically Stitched by Rosette-Cullen reviews
Bella's kept a secret that's eaten away at her. After a self-inflicted injury, she's put into a hospital that tests her strength. She'll find out who she can trust, and who she needs to stay away from. A darker fic.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 16 - Words: 68,545 - Reviews: 832 - Favs: 937 - Follows: 408 - Updated: 7/8/2009 - Published: 7/3/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
That Was Easy by bethaboo reviews
A series originally written for Twilighted's Smut Mondays, updated approximately every four weeks. Bella works at Staples and for years has secretly lusted after her boss, Edward. Will she finally make a move to show him how she feels? AH.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 11,868 - Reviews: 263 - Favs: 307 - Follows: 222 - Updated: 6/1/2009 - Published: 3/9/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Red Line by WinndSinger reviews
Edward is an exotic male dancer. Bella is a college student studying psychology and needs a subject to do her thesis on. Bella pays Edward to belong to her for 2 weeks so she can study him. Things soon get very interesting between them.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 40 - Words: 351,671 - Reviews: 19435 - Favs: 12,161 - Follows: 5,566 - Updated: 5/1/2009 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Edward, Bella