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Author has written 1 story for Twilight.
Hey there' all you people...! My name is Victoria, but you probably know me as StarlightFever109(I'm going to change that soon...). Anyway, pretty much everything on my profile after the line below this... stuff... is just my friend Amanda and I playing around. We, uh... have nothing better to do with our lives... Anyway, It was all done in the '08-'09 school year, when we were in 9th grade. Well, I'm not really sure when you're going to be reading this, but I can assure you that that is not the case anymore.
So, up here is going to be the section of my profile that actually means something to everybody else. Every little extra thing that goes into my current story(A Letter from Edward) and any future stories that I may want you to listen to or see will be posted here. So, I'll be putting random Author's Notes in my story/stories telling you to check my profile, and, well... Here you'll be!! (If you look below you shall see some boring stuff that Victoria has typed...HOW DARE SHE PUT HER RAMBLINGS BEFORE MINE! Well...this is payback! Mua ha ha ha!) Oh, and by the way...has anyone noticed her new icon? OH--THAT'S RIGHT! My friends, that is revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge. Ah...it feels so good to PWN Vicky...I'd highly suggest it. Now, the only issue is...what should her penname be? DUM. DUM. DUMMMM. Please stand by while I think of some witty penname. Honestly, I respect your efforts, Amanda. However, I am, and shall always be, better than you. And, guess what? There is nothing that you can do about it. I apologize, my friend, but no. Just, no.
(If you look below you shall see some boring stuff that Victoria has typed...HOW DARE SHE PUT HER RAMBLINGS BEFORE MINE! Well...this is payback! Mua ha ha ha!) Oh, and by the way...has anyone noticed her new icon? OH--THAT'S RIGHT! My friends, that is revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge. Ah...it feels so good to PWN Vicky...I'd highly suggest it. Now, the only issue is...what should her penname be? DUM. DUM. DUMMMM. Please stand by while I think of some witty penname.
Honestly, I respect your efforts, Amanda. However, I am, and shall always be, better than you. And, guess what? There is nothing that you can do about it. I apologize, my friend, but no. Just, no.
Hey, all. Victoria here. My best friend, Amanda, has honored me with a "profile pimpage."XD
WARNING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS NOT MY DOING. SOME PARTS MAY SCARE YOU, OTHERS MAY MAKE YOU CRY, AND THE REST WILL CAUSE YOU TO LAUGH SO HARD THAT YOU'LL NEED A NEW PAIR OF UNDERWEAR. I AM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENDURE, AND I PRAY FOR YOU.
...1234567890~0987654321...(IT IS I--AMANDA! :D )
MUA HA HA HA! Victoria made the mistake of letting ME do her profile (smiles evilly)
This is Amanda speaking.
Now, first of all, I am about to PIMP THIS PROFILE (theme song starts playing and everyone randomly starts breakdancing) It's going to be so awesome--I'M going to be jealous!
Second, don't worry about Vicky's mental health! I know she's the the most abnormal person ever, BUT SHE STILL IS AWESOME! (This is Why i'm Hot starts to play) Be jealous.
Third, Chihuahuas have small bodies and freakishly large ears
Fourth, Did you know that penguins barf on people? Max has taught me that (if you don't know who that is...go read Maximum Ride)
Fifth, Victoria is starting a protest against Robert Pattinson's (AKA Edward Cullen) new hair-cut. She just doesn't know about it. JOIN TODAY TO GET HIGH OFF CRACK FOR FREE!
Sixth, this a VERY long list...LET'S MAKE IT EVEN LONGER!
Seventh, Vampire kisses...awesome series...
Eighth, What comes after eight?
Ninth, Never mind I figured it out
Tenth, GO READ VICTORIA'S STORIES NOW!...
(goes to look at her stories)
--LE GASP--SHE HASN'T UPLOADED THEM (starts growling) DOES EVERYONE KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!?
Hmm, a little bit about Victoria that you should know.
Wait--scratch that--there's too many to name.
So, you know what? Just for you, I'll make this longer, and I'll make A LIST.
100 things to know about Victoria.
1) Her dog is so cute =D (but not cuter than mine...--gets glare from Vicky--fine, that's just my opinion)
2) She is an expert in hair and make-up. (Well, at least compared to me she is. I'm that type of person who will be left alone in a bathroom, staring at make-up, my mouth wide open, drool coming out, saying in a monotone voice, "DUHHHHH")
3) If she talked about the show 'Heroes' anymore than she already did, then I'd consider knocking her out with a weapon, and taking her to the hospital to get her brain checked out.
4) There is a spoon on my pants.
5) She doess this freaky 'creepy little girl' voice that makes anyone want to inch away, and call for their mommies.
6) She owns a My Little Pony lunchbox...
7) HAHHAHAHHAHA! Just kidding. But her future husband owns one...
8) I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!
9) (In a drunken voice) You look like a fish when you talk...hehe...
10) Yep. Heroes moment, again.
11) I'm imagining her walking into a telephone pole right now--IT'S VERY FUNNY!
12) (Chariots of Fire starts playing) Thiiiiiiiiisssss...iiiiiiisssss...ooooouuuuuurrrrrrrr...soooooonnnnnnggggg...
13) She hates math.
14) According to her, she sucks at it.
15) I believe that if her math teacher spontaneously combusted everytime she got a good grade--she would be motiviated to be in Honors.
16) YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! I SALUTE YOU!
17) Papayas. Are. Evil.
18) DAMN PAPAYAS! ROAST IN HELL FOREVER!
19) Vicky is currently trying to prove to scientists that mooing hippos exist (They do...)
20) WHEE WOO WHEE WOO WHEE WOO!
21) I died.
22) THis has nothing to do with the significent topic at hand, but Ari stinks. We are all going to protest against her because she thinks she can beat me in a PWNage battle--WHICH, SHE CAN'T! OH! YOU JUST GOT DISSED ARI! WHAT NOW?! WHAT NOW?!
23) That above post had nothing to do with Victoria.
24) You know you're so jealous right now. Yeah, that's right, be jealous.
25) OH EM GEE. YOU CAN'T SEE ME! I BLEND IN JUST LIKE A PINE TREE! I AM UNSEEN! YOU CAN'T SEE ME CUZ I'M A NINJA-NIN-NINJA! NINJA-NIN-NINJA! I have officially mastered the ninja glare--and so has VIctoria and Ariane...but I'm so much better than them =P. Uh-huh. That's right. I just PWNed both Ari AND Vicky. I am so smarticle. Do you see this lovely long paragraph thing that your pathetic life-less mind is reading? Yeah, well, I made it. Cuz, I'm just so cool and amazing. (fake polishes nails) Don't mind me, I'll just be on my way. If you would like an autograph, go crawl into a ditch and DIE, STALKER!
26) She likes to eat at imaginary tables.
27) NO! SHE'S FRIEND ABUSING ME! --sobs and has mental breakdown-- SHE JUST LEFT ME ALONE IN HER HOUSE TALKING TO MYSELF...which I don't have a problem doing...talking to yourself is very fun!
28) Damn this keyboard.
29) It got really quiet--OH CRAP THERE'S A GUY IN THE HOUSe--never mind, that's just Buttoner... (Vicky's mini weiner dog)
30) Peck. Peck. Peck. Peck.
31) AHHHHHHH! WOODPECKERS!!
32) She likes pineapples. Do you get it? NO! WHAT DON'T YOU GET! WHAT iS THE MEANING OF LIFE? WHAT AM I TYPIng? WHERe AM I? WHO ARE YOU? WHY DO i KEEP DOiNG UpPer and LOWERCASE LetTers?! GAAAHhH!!1!
33) I knew a song that got on everybody's nerves...then I forgot it
34) GAH! THE BIRD WON'T STOP MAKING NOISES --eye twitches-- (Yes, Victoria has a pet bird. His name is Checkers.)
35) She kicked me in the chest on my profile BECAUSE SHE WAS PISSED OFF
36) Oh EE Oh Ah Ah Ting Tang walla Walla Bing Bang!
37) I'm going to secretly do something on her profile right now..can you detect where it is?
38) OH NOEZ! I CANTZ THINKED OF ANYTing!
39) Something will come to me eventually.
40) DON't RUSH ME WOMAN!
41) She lent me a book.
43) WHich I don't have with me right now.
44) DAMN! I FORGOT 42!
45) That wasn't intentional.
46) FOr someone who takes Keyboarding, I am one SUCKISH typer.
47) CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! THERE'S A FREAKING DUST BUNNY! HOLY FRAP! OMG OMG OMG! GET AWAY FROM ME!
48) TODAY, WHEN ME AND HER WERE COMING BACK FROM BUYING COOKIES--I TOTALLY SPAZZED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY! GAAAHHHH! I WANT TO SPOIL MAXIMUM RIDE FOR HER BUT I CAN'T! DAMN! VICTORY--READ FASTER!
49) Shit that is holy, I just called Victoria, "Victory"
50) WTF?! "VIctory" ...Hey, that's a good idea of how ot annoy VIctoria. Technically, it's not on the list of names she doesn't want you to call her...HOLY FRAP--DOES THIS MEAN HER NAME IS VICTORY?!
51) MAJOR HYPERVENTILATION RIGHT NOW!
52) In 67 years, the cable guy is going to get a plug...and plug it into the socket. Humans are cool.
53) Odysseus is extremely annoying...WHY THE HELL DO WE NEED TO LEARN ABOUT SOMEONE WHO'S DEAD?! (In the Odyssey by Homer)
54) Aw...poor Vicky failed her math test. (Vicky Note- actually, I have failed M-A-N-Y math tests...!)
55) I'm telling you, if the teacher had a better motivation, then Victoria would pass the test...or quiz...OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS!
56) Victory, if you ace your math test, you get to throw darts at teachers--NOW THAT IS FUN!
57) If you looked in my profile, and noticed the "mong o tong hong e rong, fong u cong kong e rong" and understood it...
...THEN YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE! SERIOUSLY! I CANT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL SHE'S SAYING WHEN SHE SPEAKS THAT LANGUAGE--AND I EVEN KNOW THE RULES TO IT!
58) Unless, I'm just a pathetic human being...
59) (tears well up) FINE! Be that way!
60) I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL! (cries, and has emotional breakdown)
61) You all have Edward Cullen as your boyfriend? well, you know what? I have a garbage can named "Donald" 'Donald, as in, Donald Duck?' you ask, but I respond, "NO YOU DUMB-ASS! HOW DARE YOU THINK MY BOYFRIEND IS RELATED TO A DUCK! SCREW YOU!"
62) OH! WHAT NOW! I HAVE MORE NUMBERS THAN VICTORIA!
Vicky: WHAT?! NO YOU DON'T!
Me: Yes i do.
--VIcky checks profiles--
VIcky: DAMN! You're right!
Me: SEE! HAHAHHAHAHAHA!
Vicky: (glares at me)
Me: (laughs nervously) he...he...he...
Vicky: (gets a knife, and stabs me) TAKE THAT, BITCH!
Me: DAMMIT--YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT TO THE ROBBER IN YOUR HOUSE--NOT TO ME!
Vicky: (in an obnoxiously, stupid, ditsy girl voice that sounds annoying and really peppy and optimistic) OH MY GOD! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Me: i'm not saying anything!
Vicky: (smile gets wider, and she says it even louder) OH MY GOD! SHUT UP! OHHH NO WAY! OH LOOK! IT'S A FLY! (starts making choking noises, then recovers and says in an even happier voice...) OH MY GOD! OOPS! I swallowed it...! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!
...Uh...yeah...this is the part where me, anD all you other fanfiction users out there, back up slowly and edge away...
63) WE FORGOT THE CHEESE AND CRAPPERS!
64) Um...yeah...about number 63...you see, we were at Teresa's house and Vicky was saying "GROMMIT, WE FORGOT THE CRACKERS!" But, it CLEARLY sounded like "GROMMIT, WE FORGOT THE CRAPPERS!"
65) HEY! THIS NUMBER IS THE GRADE IN OUR SCHOOL THAT WE NEED IN ORDER TO PASS! YEYEYEYEYYEY!
66) Bobby Pickalo.
67) HOLY FRAP!! ARI HAS TOLD ME THAT ICE IS TRAPPED IN ANTARCTICA BY MEXICAN PENGUINS! ON NOEZ! THEY HAVE CAPTURED HIM! I MUST GO SAVE HIM!
--I start to run slow motionly to Antarctica--
Me: I'm coming Ice! Hold on my true love! (Well, besides Donald)
(as I am running slow mtionaly to Ice, I trip over a rock and fall unconscious)
Vicky: (sighs) Um...well...I guess we just leave her here...
68) She...has...a...recital...TONIGHT! Her singing is AMAZING :D Wish her l uck!
69) FWAP!! ACK! RARF! FWIP! FLAMINGOS! GAH! PRICKLE! TWITCH! SAMURAI HAIR!
70) Heads Up: In the Maximum Ride manga...there are some very odd sound effects...(read number 69, minus "flamingo" and "samurai hair." And thats not even half of them!!)
71) Today, we failed at impersonating James Bond (Puts a morbidly depressed frown on)...BUT Victoria succeeded in Hames Mond! (Vicky Note: Please. Do NOT ask about Hames Mond. It is VERRRRRYYYYY embarassing...!)
72) Realization of the moment: ...I could achieve being a Human Ipod. YEY! You get to ruin people's lives FOR FREE. Now, THAT, is a deal!
73) Ronald Weasley went through puberty (for 10.9 seconds)
Please note: This is Vicky. if you see "(V/N)" anywhere, it stands for (Vicky Note). Therefore, whatever you see after (V/N) is from me. Just thought I'd let you guys know=D
74) She's going to update A Letter From Edward soon (Cough-she BETTER update A Letter from Edward soon or I'll be forced to...
a) Whack her unconscious with a lawn flamingo. (V/N: But... I don't even HAVE a lawn flamingo!! Come to think of it... Nobody that I know does...)
b) THROW SNAPPLE CANS AT HER!
c) Suffocate her with Mr. Snuffululigus. (V/N: OMG I LOVE THAT GUY!!)
d) Repeatedly play Barry Manilow music VERY LOUDLY in her ear, until it starts to bleed--causing her to go deaf! (V/N: Barry. Manilow. Makes. Me. Want. To. Blow. Up.)
e) Give her extremely difficult braint teasers to solve--and watch as she bangs her head on a table in frustration. (V/N: I am actually better at brain teasers than Amanda. She couldn't figure out that "Ban ana" was "Banana Split...!")
f) Put her on a bicycle and push her into a train track. (V/N: I can't even ride a bike!!)
g) Take Becky's ressurection ketchup, and cover her in it!
h) Um...I'm not listing a reason here...I'm just randomly saying "APHRODITE!" (hehe...Vicky...;-) ) (V/N: lol. Aphrodite... heh heh heh...)
i) Play ISpy with her (-Responds to odd looks- What? Listing ways to blackmail Vicky can get very boring)
j) Pimp her profile (Note: Has already been done)
k) RUN HER OVER WITH A WHEELCHAIR! (V/N: NOT BEFORE MY BROTHER RUNS YOU OVER IN HIS WHEELCHAIR!!)
l) Lock her in a room with a furious old lady who has a heavy purse on her.
m) Give her money (HAHA!) and force her to buy a big cookie.
n) Send her into the unknown and dangerous world of ostridges.
o) Pay Emmett to break up with her (XD...Maybe I got too personal?) (V/N: Honestly, if you did that to me, I would make one of my nerds from The Legion of the SAPAFR plant a microscopic bomb in your brain through the telephone. The bomb would then randomly go off, causing your head to explode. All of the remains of said bomb would then destroy themselves, leaving no evidence of having ever been there. When they do an autopsy, it will look like your head just blew up, so I will have gotten away with murder...! (evil laughter))
p) Ask her to watch my dog for a day (This tends to get very..."Tedious") (V/N: You think your dog is tedious...? Try chasing a baby bearded dragon around a huge bedroom for a half an hory. THAT, my friend, is tedious.)
q) I shall return later to finish the alphabet.
r) ...SCREW THIS!
75) She laughed hysterically when a guy from Star Trek was trying to be killed by a yeti. O.O (V/N: It's true. When Chris Pine was being chased by the Yeti and then thet red... thing... I almost peed my pants.)
76) I made the most BEAUTIFUL and EXTRAVAGENT grass angel on her front lawn--Now, whenever she's walking in or out of her house, she'll always remember how amazing I am! (How's that for self-centered?) (V/N: Um... Amanda...? My mom mowed the lawn...)
77) She dressed Spongebob up as some weird pirate thingy O.o I'm not even going to ask her about that...
78) Most days at lunch--she entertains herself by playing a zombie game...Yeah, I know she's weird, but we all love her anyway -
79) She...defeated...the...MORON TEST. I'm telling you--that thing is freaking HARD. it's the most DIFFICULT test I've ever come across IN. MY. LIFE. I can't even beat the god-damn thing! But, yet, Vicky (miraculously) somehow manages to beat it in under TWO MINUTES! THAT IS not NORMAL!(V/N: 87.7 seconds, to be exact;-D)
80) I don't know how--but Vicky is cheating on that Moron Test...I KNOW IT!
81) She flirted with Lunchbox! HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA XD! (V/N: I love that guy... (stares dreamily into space))
82) Hallpass...is her stalker, or something--I SWEAR! Everyday at (I'm not going to mention this subject, just in case Hallpass happens to stumble upon this profile) he stares at her--dead serious! I see him doing it...IT'S SO FREAKING CREEPY!
83) She completed the "100 things to know about..." list on my profile--BEFORE I finished hers (Tear) UNFAIRNESS!
84) She's making a horror movie, with tons of peoples (intended error) in it; only one will survive. -le gasp- WHAT WILL WE DO? (V/N: Yes. Yes I am. Any ideas oncharacter personalities??)
85) Just a heads up for anyone who is going into 9th grade next year--the novel, Great Expectations is horrible. I would not recommend it to ANYone...Romeo and Juliete ain't that great either (The 1996 movie...it's horrible--except for some scenes.) (V/N: The one with Leonardo DiCaprio is even WORSE...!)
86) Can you make one of those star thingys in a profile? You know, that thing you make...with the thing...when you press the keyboard...with the thing...and the shift...with the thing...with the thingy thing...I think I'll try it on number 90. (V/N: I've got... no idea... what you're talking about...)
87) WOOT! ALMOST AT 100! :D 13 MORE TO GO!
88) That, my friends, is called stalling. Try it sometime.
89) (Note: This conclusion that you are about to read has been made by a quiz Vicky and I took. Thus, these results (most likely) apply to us and our behavior) Vicky acts like a teenager. I act like a 52-67 year old. (sobs) I'M OLD! (But, I look pretty darn good for my age...-chuckle-...anyone get the joke?...(silence)...Life...is not fair...I'm going to hide in a dark corner now...PLEASE STAND BY!)
90) (In case the star thingys didn't show up--I'll write something here...) I'm still sitting in tht previously mentioned dark corner...WHY DID GOD FORBID ME OF MAKING GOOD JOKES (refer to 'Amanda's Ten Commandments') OH MY GOD! Wouldn't it be STUPENDOUS (hah...that's a funny word...-laughs- stupendous...LOL XD) if (for the remaining 10 thingys) I write 'Vicky's Ten Commandments'?...Regardless, I'm going for it!
THis is an excerpt from Vicky's Ten Commandments
91) Thou shalt honor thy mother and father (Note from Amanda: Er...well...at least she follows half of that...)
92) Thou shalt not pelt Amanda (or any other friends of thee) with mustard packets and/or batteries foundith in thy refrigerator.
93) Thou shalt rule the world with thy awesomeness and nerdy-ness (But thou shalt also keepest thy friend, Amanda, alive Note from Amanda: -cough- Because she is awesome and PWNs you -cough-)
94) Thou shalt go to prom dressed up like a vampire (Ahem, like a, in a boy's terms, sexy vampire) (V/N: I really am doing to do that. I just haven't found the right dress yet... Anybody know of a good place to get one??)
95) Thy skin of pale complexity shalt not be tanned by the sun. (Note from Amanda: -sob- It's okay Vicky...I don't get tan either :-( )
96) Thou shalt (one day) go bungee jumping and sky-diving with thy friend, Amanda, at the Six Flags which contains Great Adventure (Note from the God who wrote this: Unfortunately, Methinks I shall not be capable of making sure-ith that thee livist)
97) Thy score in the game, "Moron Test", shall be overcome by Amanda. (Note: This will not take place any time soon).
98) Thou shalt follow the "15 things to do in Wal-mart" and get kickedith out of Wal-Mart. (V/N: Is "kickedith" even a real word...? Was it ever...?)
99) Thou shalt run up the Down escalator (And, eventually, reach the top...WITHOUT tripping). (V/N: OMG!! I DID THAT ONCE...!)
100) Thou shalt be PWNed by Amanda and thee will become her eternal servant...Take note: Thee will also admit that oranges are sexier fruits than bananas. (V/N: NEVER!!(to either request))
God: HEY! That's not the 10th commandment!
Me: Uh...(eyes dart back and forth, nervously) LOOK--IT'S ORANGE JUICE!
God: (turns around just long enough for me to make my escape) WHERE?
When I have have nothing better to do, I'll return on this profile, and PIMP IT UP even more.
35 Things To Do In Wal-Mart
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.
10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!
15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"
16. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one.
17. Buy 350 cans of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" when the cashier tells you the price.
18. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask people where you can find the CDs.
19. Start a fish-stick fight.
20. Walk up to random people, give them bear hugs, and say very loudly that you missed them and they never really did get that dandruf shampoo you recommended.
21. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The Germans are coming!"
22. Attempt to fly off a high shelf.
23. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say "What a shame because that girl over there" point to a random person "was just about to ask you to dinner."
24. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store.
25. Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines.
26. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section.
27. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."
28. Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk".
29. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught.
30. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket.
31. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs.
32. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts.
33. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back.
34. Bow to the display of T.Vs in the electronics section.
35. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid
Gee...that was fun...
REASONS WHY I OWE MY MOTHER!
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
7. My mother taught me IRONY.
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
19. My mother taught me ESP.
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
Isn't this all very cliche, and already used in millions of other profiles? WELL, SCREW YOU!
And now, here is a bunch of sad, sob-story stuff to make you cry like the little sappy wuss you are.
I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
I'm the one who can't accept myself.
Yeah, I thought that was pretty depressing too...so, I'm making it even worse.
a little girl holding the hand of her orphanage nanny looks up at the sky and asks "What are those little lights in the sky?"
two figures stand in front of a little girl's grave, crying over their dead daughter.
a sister sheilds her little brother from her father's drunken rage. her brother runs away on the day of her funeral.
a man getting on a bus walks under a black sky, the stars hidden by light pollution. he has only seen stars in movies and pictures.
a little boy holds his mother, trying to keep her warm and dry from the rain dripping into their cardboard box.
a girl stands on the street in front of her house in the snow because she told her parents that she was lesbian
a jewish man hides his face in public from fear of getting harmed
the neighbors hear screaming and crying in the apartment beside them, and had seen the woman with an empty bottle of alcohol walking towards the room, but they just pull their blankets tighter around them.
a girl sleeps on a park bench because she got pregnant and let her parents know
someone kicks mud in the face of a man asking for a spare bit of change. the man couldn't get a job because he was gay
an african american woman stops going to church because they don't accept her race
a mother cries as the police drag her sobbing daughter away. her wife comes outside and hugs her. the police had said she was an unfit mother because she was lesbian
Isn't that sad? No, I'm not lesbian or abused or poor, but I still feel bad for abuse and such... paste this into your profile if the messed up world we live in makes you sad...
Think I'm done yet? Nope you're wrong.
Try Not To Cry:
Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back,
It shot with a great, huge crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,
I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
When I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye.
I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass
Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though, deserves this.
But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try
I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest
When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could
please listen to me if you would,
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new
I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true
And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"
In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost
Uh-oh...are you having a mental breakdown right now? Hehe, you're about to go into a major depression.
This story is about a little girl that was abused. (Warning: I thought this was very sad)
My name is Sarah
I am but three,
My eyes are swollen
I cannot see,
I must be stupid
I must be bad,
What else could have made
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy
Would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all
I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up
All the day long
When I awake
I'm all alone
The house is dark
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just
One whipping tonight
Don't make a sound!
I just heard a car
My daddy is back
From Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse
My name he calls
I press myself
Against the wall.
I try and hide
From his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping
He shouts ugly words,
He says its my fault
That he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me
And yells at me more,
I finally get free
And I run for the door.
He's already locked it
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor
With my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues
With more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream
But its now much too late
His face has been twisted
Into unimaginable hate.
The hurt and the pain
Again and again
Oh please God, have mercy!
Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops
And heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Sarah
And I am but three,
Tonight my daddy,
I cried when I red the 2 poems above! So post these somewhere...ANYWHERE if you cried (or wanted to) when u read them.
Alright...I'll stop with the sad stuff...
AND MOVE ONTO HAPPIER TOPICS!
EVER WONDER where we are heading...?
Why the sun lightens our hair,
Why women can't put on mascara
Why you don't ever see the headline:
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?
Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor,
Why the man who invests all your money is called a
Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?
Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?
Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
Why they don't make the whole plane out of the
Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?
Why they are called apartments when
If con is the opposite of pro,
Why they call the airport "the terminal"
Nope, not done yet. I need to make this REALLY long...
Murphy's Lesser Known Laws.
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.
7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.
8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.
10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
Number 14 REALLY makes me confident if I'm ever going to court...
Okay, now I'm officially bored. What am I supposed to put in here? JEEZUMS, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MY LIFE? DO YOU EXPECT ME TO WRITE A 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 WORD LONG PROFILE JUST SO I CAN ENTERTAIN THE AUDIENCE WHO IS READING THIS?! I HAVE A LIFE YOU KNOW!!
Okay, I DON'T have a life...BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE ANYONE THE RIGHT TO SAY I DO!
Wow, look down here...Victoria's final last words, before i changed her profile. Big mistake...
What you are about to read is Victoria's words, not mine.
P.S. My computer is acting up, so I can promise you that it might be a while in between updates and answers to messages and reviews. My hard-drive had to be replaced, so I lost all of my documents. My stories need to be typed up again, and it will take some time. Thanks XD
That has got to be the SHORTEST thing I've ever seen in a profile. Jeezums, Vicky, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Do you not realize that people come on this and EXPECT to be entertained with FUNNY and SAD stuff? But, have no fear. I just saved your sorry ass from having a stupid short profile. See how much of a good friend I am? Yeah, I know you love me so much right now. It's okay, no need to thank me. Be awed at all that I have done.
Vicky: This is the most retarded thing I have ever seen...I WANT SOMETHING MORE ORIGINAL!
This is friend abuse. I think we should have a copy & paste for friend abuse.
Two close friends walk side by side to a lunchroom. Friend 1 throws Friend Two's Binder on the floor where the evil dust bunnies attack the binder with no mercy. Poor Binder...
A user who is new on Fanfiction doesn't appreciate the awesomeness that has been bestowed on her profile.
If you are 100 percent against FRIEND ABUSE copy and paste into your profile. Add more friend abuses.
OKAY! FINE! Victoria didn't actually comment on this profile yet (Heck, she didn't even READ it yet.)
But, you know what?
MY BINDER WAS STILL INHALED BY DUST BUNNIES! THIS IS A CRUEL WORLD!
Silence is golden. Duct tape is Silver. I never understood that quote. but, if you do, let me know. (Vicky Note: laughs evily I practically invented that quote...!)
This profile has been officialy PIMPED by me, GoTTaBeSoMeBoDy. Yes, I know you all have incredulous looks on your face right now. I know; I know. Don't need to remind me.
I must go now.
BUT, IN ABOUT 1 HOUR, I WILL RETURN TO MAKE THIS PROFILE EVEN AWESOMER!
(P.S. ARI DOESN'T HAVE AN AWESOME PROFILE LIKE THIS! NO--SHE DOESN'T! SHE MAKES HER PROFILES SHORT AND WIMPY! YOU KNOW WHAT ARI? MY PROFILE--and now, Victoria's profile--HAVE OFFICIALY PWNed YOURS! Oooohhh. TAKE THAT! This battle is coming to an end Ariane, you better PWN me before you lose..WAIT! Never mind--you already lost. MUA HA HA HA HA!)
P.S.S. Vicky, when you read this, if you ever try to PWN my profile with yours (which I know you can do) I will slap you upside the head with a rubber chicken. Either that, or I'll come into your room at night with a knife...AND CUT UP YOUR AWESOME FANFICTION BINDER!
Hey, all. I'ts Victoria again. Sorry for subjecting you to that. You should check out Amanda's profile!! It's even better than this one. Her penname is Gottabesomebody. Well, the rest of what you read is my doing.
Men are like. . . Laxatives. . .
Men are like. . .Bananas. . .
Men are like. . .Vacations. . .
Men are like. . .Weather. . .
Men are like. . .Blenders. . .
Men are like. . .Chocolate Bars. . .
Men are like. . .Coffee. . .
Men are like. . .Commercials. . .
Men are like. . .Department Stores. . .
Men are like. . .Government Bonds. . .
Men are like. . .Mascara. . .
Men are like. . .Popcorn. . .
Men are like. . .Snowstorms. . .
Men are like. . .Lava Lamps. . .
Men are like. . .Parking Spots. . .
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