victXoria
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Joined 09-14-08, id: 1692764, Profile Updated: 06-06-10
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

Hey there' all you people...! My name is Victoria, but you probably know me as StarlightFever109(I'm going to change that soon...). Anyway, pretty much everything on my profile after the line below this... stuff... is just my friend Amanda and I playing around. We, uh... have nothing better to do with our lives... Anyway, It was all done in the '08-'09 school year, when we were in 9th grade. Well, I'm not really sure when you're going to be reading this, but I can assure you that that is not the case anymore.

So, up here is going to be the section of my profile that actually means something to everybody else. Every little extra thing that goes into my current story(A Letter from Edward) and any future stories that I may want you to listen to or see will be posted here. So, I'll be putting random Author's Notes in my story/stories telling you to check my profile, and, well... Here you'll be!!

(If you look below you shall see some boring stuff that Victoria has typed...HOW DARE SHE PUT HER RAMBLINGS BEFORE MINE! Well...this is payback! Mua ha ha ha!) Oh, and by the way...has anyone noticed her new icon? OH--THAT'S RIGHT! My friends, that is revenge. Sweet, sweet revenge. Ah...it feels so good to PWN Vicky...I'd highly suggest it. Now, the only issue is...what should her penname be? DUM. DUM. DUMMMM. Please stand by while I think of some witty penname.

Honestly, I respect your efforts, Amanda. However, I am, and shall always be, better than you. And, guess what? There is nothing that you can do about it. I apologize, my friend, but no. Just, no.


Twilight Oath

I promise to remember Bella
Each time I carelessly fall down
And I promise to remember Edward
Whenever I'm out of town
I promise to obey traffic laws
For Charlies sake of course
And I promise to remember Jacob
When my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Carlisle
When ever I am in the Emergency Room
And I promise to remember Emmett
Every time there's a huge boom
I promise to to remember Rose
Whenever I see someone that holds pure beauty
And I promise to remember Alice
When I'm at a mall and a cute outfit spots me
I promise to remember Nessie
When I see that beautiful curly hair
And I promise to remember Esme
When someone tells me they care
I promise to remember Jasper
Whenever my emotions are unfurled
And I promise to remember the Volturi
When someone speaks of dominating the world
Yes I promise to love Twilight
Wherever I may go
So that all may see my obsession
Because I know what the Twilighters know


Hey, all. Victoria here. My best friend, Amanda, has honored me with a "profile pimpage."XD

WARNING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS NOT MY DOING. SOME PARTS MAY SCARE YOU, OTHERS MAY MAKE YOU CRY, AND THE REST WILL CAUSE YOU TO LAUGH SO HARD THAT YOU'LL NEED A NEW PAIR OF UNDERWEAR. I AM TERRIBLY SORRY FOR WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO ENDURE, AND I PRAY FOR YOU.

Enjoy...!

...1234567890~0987654321...(IT IS I--AMANDA! :D )

MUA HA HA HA! Victoria made the mistake of letting ME do her profile (smiles evilly)

This is Amanda speaking.

Now, first of all, I am about to PIMP THIS PROFILE (theme song starts playing and everyone randomly starts breakdancing) It's going to be so awesome--I'M going to be jealous!

Second, don't worry about Vicky's mental health! I know she's the the most abnormal person ever, BUT SHE STILL IS AWESOME! (This is Why i'm Hot starts to play) Be jealous.

Third, Chihuahuas have small bodies and freakishly large ears

Fourth, Did you know that penguins barf on people? Max has taught me that (if you don't know who that is...go read Maximum Ride)

Fifth, Victoria is starting a protest against Robert Pattinson's (AKA Edward Cullen) new hair-cut. She just doesn't know about it. JOIN TODAY TO GET HIGH OFF CRACK FOR FREE!

Sixth, this a VERY long list...LET'S MAKE IT EVEN LONGER!

Seventh, Vampire kisses...awesome series...

Eighth, What comes after eight?

Ninth, Never mind I figured it out

Tenth, GO READ VICTORIA'S STORIES NOW!...

(goes to look at her stories)

--LE GASP--SHE HASN'T UPLOADED THEM (starts growling) DOES EVERYONE KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!?

(cricket sounds)

Um...never mind...

Hmm, a little bit about Victoria that you should know.

Wait--scratch that--there's too many to name.

So, you know what? Just for you, I'll make this longer, and I'll make A LIST.

100 things to know about Victoria.

1) Her dog is so cute =D (but not cuter than mine...--gets glare from Vicky--fine, that's just my opinion)

2) She is an expert in hair and make-up. (Well, at least compared to me she is. I'm that type of person who will be left alone in a bathroom, staring at make-up, my mouth wide open, drool coming out, saying in a monotone voice, "DUHHHHH")

3) If she talked about the show 'Heroes' anymore than she already did, then I'd consider knocking her out with a weapon, and taking her to the hospital to get her brain checked out.

4) There is a spoon on my pants.

5) She doess this freaky 'creepy little girl' voice that makes anyone want to inch away, and call for their mommies.

6) She owns a My Little Pony lunchbox...

7) HAHHAHAHHAHA! Just kidding. But her future husband owns one...

8) I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!

9) (In a drunken voice) You look like a fish when you talk...hehe...

10) Yep. Heroes moment, again.

11) I'm imagining her walking into a telephone pole right now--IT'S VERY FUNNY!

12) (Chariots of Fire starts playing) Thiiiiiiiiisssss...iiiiiiisssss...ooooouuuuuurrrrrrrr...soooooonnnnnnggggg...

13) She hates math.

14) According to her, she sucks at it.

15) I believe that if her math teacher spontaneously combusted everytime she got a good grade--she would be motiviated to be in Honors.

16) YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! I SALUTE YOU!

17) Papayas. Are. Evil.

18) DAMN PAPAYAS! ROAST IN HELL FOREVER!

19) Vicky is currently trying to prove to scientists that mooing hippos exist (They do...)

20) WHEE WOO WHEE WOO WHEE WOO!

21) I died.

22) THis has nothing to do with the significent topic at hand, but Ari stinks. We are all going to protest against her because she thinks she can beat me in a PWNage battle--WHICH, SHE CAN'T! OH! YOU JUST GOT DISSED ARI! WHAT NOW?! WHAT NOW?!

23) That above post had nothing to do with Victoria.

24) You know you're so jealous right now. Yeah, that's right, be jealous.

25) OH EM GEE. YOU CAN'T SEE ME! I BLEND IN JUST LIKE A PINE TREE! I AM UNSEEN! YOU CAN'T SEE ME CUZ I'M A NINJA-NIN-NINJA! NINJA-NIN-NINJA! I have officially mastered the ninja glare--and so has VIctoria and Ariane...but I'm so much better than them =P. Uh-huh. That's right. I just PWNed both Ari AND Vicky. I am so smarticle. Do you see this lovely long paragraph thing that your pathetic life-less mind is reading? Yeah, well, I made it. Cuz, I'm just so cool and amazing. (fake polishes nails) Don't mind me, I'll just be on my way. If you would like an autograph, go crawl into a ditch and DIE, STALKER!

26) She likes to eat at imaginary tables.

27) NO! SHE'S FRIEND ABUSING ME! --sobs and has mental breakdown-- SHE JUST LEFT ME ALONE IN HER HOUSE TALKING TO MYSELF...which I don't have a problem doing...talking to yourself is very fun!

28) Damn this keyboard.

29) It got really quiet--OH CRAP THERE'S A GUY IN THE HOUSe--never mind, that's just Buttoner... (Vicky's mini weiner dog)

30) Peck. Peck. Peck. Peck.

31) AHHHHHHH! WOODPECKERS!!

32) She likes pineapples. Do you get it? NO! WHAT DON'T YOU GET! WHAT iS THE MEANING OF LIFE? WHAT AM I TYPIng? WHERe AM I? WHO ARE YOU? WHY DO i KEEP DOiNG UpPer and LOWERCASE LetTers?! GAAAHhH!!1!

33) I knew a song that got on everybody's nerves...then I forgot it

34) GAH! THE BIRD WON'T STOP MAKING NOISES --eye twitches-- (Yes, Victoria has a pet bird. His name is Checkers.)

35) She kicked me in the chest on my profile BECAUSE SHE WAS PISSED OFF

36) Oh EE Oh Ah Ah Ting Tang walla Walla Bing Bang!

37) I'm going to secretly do something on her profile right now..can you detect where it is?

38) OH NOEZ! I CANTZ THINKED OF ANYTing!

39) Something will come to me eventually.

40) DON't RUSH ME WOMAN!

41) She lent me a book.

43) WHich I don't have with me right now.

44) DAMN! I FORGOT 42!

45) That wasn't intentional.

46) FOr someone who takes Keyboarding, I am one SUCKISH typer.

47) CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! THERE'S A FREAKING DUST BUNNY! HOLY FRAP! OMG OMG OMG! GET AWAY FROM ME!

48) TODAY, WHEN ME AND HER WERE COMING BACK FROM BUYING COOKIES--I TOTALLY SPAZZED OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY! GAAAHHHH! I WANT TO SPOIL MAXIMUM RIDE FOR HER BUT I CAN'T! DAMN! VICTORY--READ FASTER!

49) Shit that is holy, I just called Victoria, "Victory"

50) WTF?! "VIctory" ...Hey, that's a good idea of how ot annoy VIctoria. Technically, it's not on the list of names she doesn't want you to call her...HOLY FRAP--DOES THIS MEAN HER NAME IS VICTORY?!

51) MAJOR HYPERVENTILATION RIGHT NOW!

52) In 67 years, the cable guy is going to get a plug...and plug it into the socket. Humans are cool.

53) Odysseus is extremely annoying...WHY THE HELL DO WE NEED TO LEARN ABOUT SOMEONE WHO'S DEAD?! (In the Odyssey by Homer)

54) Aw...poor Vicky failed her math test. (Vicky Note- actually, I have failed M-A-N-Y math tests...!)

55) I'm telling you, if the teacher had a better motivation, then Victoria would pass the test...or quiz...OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS!

56) Victory, if you ace your math test, you get to throw darts at teachers--NOW THAT IS FUN!

57) If you looked in my profile, and noticed the "mong o tong hong e rong, fong u cong kong e rong" and understood it...

...THEN YOU NEED TO GET A LIFE! SERIOUSLY! I CANT UNDERSTAND WHAT THE HELL SHE'S SAYING WHEN SHE SPEAKS THAT LANGUAGE--AND I EVEN KNOW THE RULES TO IT!

58) Unless, I'm just a pathetic human being...

59) (tears well up) FINE! Be that way!

60) I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL! (cries, and has emotional breakdown)

61) You all have Edward Cullen as your boyfriend? well, you know what? I have a garbage can named "Donald" 'Donald, as in, Donald Duck?' you ask, but I respond, "NO YOU DUMB-ASS! HOW DARE YOU THINK MY BOYFRIEND IS RELATED TO A DUCK! SCREW YOU!"

62) OH! WHAT NOW! I HAVE MORE NUMBERS THAN VICTORIA!

Vicky: WHAT?! NO YOU DON'T!

Me: Yes i do.

--VIcky checks profiles--

VIcky: DAMN! You're right!

Me: SEE! HAHAHHAHAHAHA!

Vicky: (glares at me)

Me: (laughs nervously) he...he...he...

Vicky: (gets a knife, and stabs me) TAKE THAT, BITCH!

Me: DAMMIT--YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO THAT TO THE ROBBER IN YOUR HOUSE--NOT TO ME!

VIcky: Oh...oops...

...(awwwwkkkkwwwaaarrddd siiiillleeennnccceee)...

Vicky: (in an obnoxiously, stupid, ditsy girl voice that sounds annoying and really peppy and optimistic) OH MY GOD! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Me: i'm not saying anything!

Vicky: (smile gets wider, and she says it even louder) OH MY GOD! SHUT UP! OHHH NO WAY! OH LOOK! IT'S A FLY! (starts making choking noises, then recovers and says in an even happier voice...) OH MY GOD! OOPS! I swallowed it...! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!

...Uh...yeah...this is the part where me, anD all you other fanfiction users out there, back up slowly and edge away...

63) WE FORGOT THE CHEESE AND CRAPPERS!

64) Um...yeah...about number 63...you see, we were at Teresa's house and Vicky was saying "GROMMIT, WE FORGOT THE CRACKERS!" But, it CLEARLY sounded like "GROMMIT, WE FORGOT THE CRAPPERS!"

65) HEY! THIS NUMBER IS THE GRADE IN OUR SCHOOL THAT WE NEED IN ORDER TO PASS! YEYEYEYEYYEY!

66) Bobby Pickalo.

67) HOLY FRAP!! ARI HAS TOLD ME THAT ICE IS TRAPPED IN ANTARCTICA BY MEXICAN PENGUINS! ON NOEZ! THEY HAVE CAPTURED HIM! I MUST GO SAVE HIM!

--I start to run slow motionly to Antarctica--

Me: I'm coming Ice! Hold on my true love! (Well, besides Donald)

(as I am running slow mtionaly to Ice, I trip over a rock and fall unconscious)

Vicky: (sighs) Um...well...I guess we just leave her here...

68) She...has...a...recital...TONIGHT! Her singing is AMAZING :D Wish her l uck!

69) FWAP!! ACK! RARF! FWIP! FLAMINGOS! GAH! PRICKLE! TWITCH! SAMURAI HAIR!

70) Heads Up: In the Maximum Ride manga...there are some very odd sound effects...(read number 69, minus "flamingo" and "samurai hair." And thats not even half of them!!)

71) Today, we failed at impersonating James Bond (Puts a morbidly depressed frown on)...BUT Victoria succeeded in Hames Mond! (Vicky Note: Please. Do NOT ask about Hames Mond. It is VERRRRRYYYYY embarassing...!)

72) Realization of the moment: ...I could achieve being a Human Ipod. YEY! You get to ruin people's lives FOR FREE. Now, THAT, is a deal!

73) Ronald Weasley went through puberty (for 10.9 seconds)


Please note: This is Vicky. if you see "(V/N)" anywhere, it stands for (Vicky Note). Therefore, whatever you see after (V/N) is from me. Just thought I'd let you guys know=D


74) She's going to update A Letter From Edward soon (Cough-she BETTER update A Letter from Edward soon or I'll be forced to...

a) Whack her unconscious with a lawn flamingo. (V/N: But... I don't even HAVE a lawn flamingo!! Come to think of it... Nobody that I know does...)

b) THROW SNAPPLE CANS AT HER!

c) Suffocate her with Mr. Snuffululigus. (V/N: OMG I LOVE THAT GUY!!)

d) Repeatedly play Barry Manilow music VERY LOUDLY in her ear, until it starts to bleed--causing her to go deaf! (V/N: Barry. Manilow. Makes. Me. Want. To. Blow. Up.)

e) Give her extremely difficult braint teasers to solve--and watch as she bangs her head on a table in frustration. (V/N: I am actually better at brain teasers than Amanda. She couldn't figure out that "Ban ana" was "Banana Split...!")

f) Put her on a bicycle and push her into a train track. (V/N: I can't even ride a bike!!)

g) Take Becky's ressurection ketchup, and cover her in it!

h) Um...I'm not listing a reason here...I'm just randomly saying "APHRODITE!" (hehe...Vicky...;-) ) (V/N: lol. Aphrodite... heh heh heh...)

i) Play ISpy with her (-Responds to odd looks- What? Listing ways to blackmail Vicky can get very boring)

j) Pimp her profile (Note: Has already been done)

k) RUN HER OVER WITH A WHEELCHAIR! (V/N: NOT BEFORE MY BROTHER RUNS YOU OVER IN HIS WHEELCHAIR!!)

l) Lock her in a room with a furious old lady who has a heavy purse on her.

m) Give her money (HAHA!) and force her to buy a big cookie.

n) Send her into the unknown and dangerous world of ostridges.

o) Pay Emmett to break up with her (XD...Maybe I got too personal?) (V/N: Honestly, if you did that to me, I would make one of my nerds from The Legion of the SAPAFR plant a microscopic bomb in your brain through the telephone. The bomb would then randomly go off, causing your head to explode. All of the remains of said bomb would then destroy themselves, leaving no evidence of having ever been there. When they do an autopsy, it will look like your head just blew up, so I will have gotten away with murder...! (evil laughter))

p) Ask her to watch my dog for a day (This tends to get very..."Tedious") (V/N: You think your dog is tedious...? Try chasing a baby bearded dragon around a huge bedroom for a half an hory. THAT, my friend, is tedious.)

q) I shall return later to finish the alphabet.

r) ...SCREW THIS!

75) She laughed hysterically when a guy from Star Trek was trying to be killed by a yeti. O.O (V/N: It's true. When Chris Pine was being chased by the Yeti and then thet red... thing... I almost peed my pants.)

76) I made the most BEAUTIFUL and EXTRAVAGENT grass angel on her front lawn--Now, whenever she's walking in or out of her house, she'll always remember how amazing I am! (How's that for self-centered?) (V/N: Um... Amanda...? My mom mowed the lawn...)

77) She dressed Spongebob up as some weird pirate thingy O.o I'm not even going to ask her about that...

78) Most days at lunch--she entertains herself by playing a zombie game...Yeah, I know she's weird, but we all love her anyway -

79) She...defeated...the...MORON TEST. I'm telling you--that thing is freaking HARD. it's the most DIFFICULT test I've ever come across IN. MY. LIFE. I can't even beat the god-damn thing! But, yet, Vicky (miraculously) somehow manages to beat it in under TWO MINUTES! THAT IS not NORMAL!(V/N: 87.7 seconds, to be exact;-D)

80) I don't know how--but Vicky is cheating on that Moron Test...I KNOW IT!

81) She flirted with Lunchbox! HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHA XD! (V/N: I love that guy... (stares dreamily into space))

82) Hallpass...is her stalker, or something--I SWEAR! Everyday at (I'm not going to mention this subject, just in case Hallpass happens to stumble upon this profile) he stares at her--dead serious! I see him doing it...IT'S SO FREAKING CREEPY!

83) She completed the "100 things to know about..." list on my profile--BEFORE I finished hers (Tear) UNFAIRNESS!

84) She's making a horror movie, with tons of peoples (intended error) in it; only one will survive. -le gasp- WHAT WILL WE DO? (V/N: Yes. Yes I am. Any ideas oncharacter personalities??)

85) Just a heads up for anyone who is going into 9th grade next year--the novel, Great Expectations is horrible. I would not recommend it to ANYone...Romeo and Juliete ain't that great either (The 1996 movie...it's horrible--except for some scenes.) (V/N: The one with Leonardo DiCaprio is even WORSE...!)

86) Can you make one of those star thingys in a profile? You know, that thing you make...with the thing...when you press the keyboard...with the thing...and the shift...with the thing...with the thingy thing...I think I'll try it on number 90. (V/N: I've got... no idea... what you're talking about...)

87) WOOT! ALMOST AT 100! :D 13 MORE TO GO!

88) That, my friends, is called stalling. Try it sometime.

89) (Note: This conclusion that you are about to read has been made by a quiz Vicky and I took. Thus, these results (most likely) apply to us and our behavior) Vicky acts like a teenager. I act like a 52-67 year old. (sobs) I'M OLD! (But, I look pretty darn good for my age...-chuckle-...anyone get the joke?...(silence)...Life...is not fair...I'm going to hide in a dark corner now...PLEASE STAND BY!)

90) (In case the star thingys didn't show up--I'll write something here...) I'm still sitting in tht previously mentioned dark corner...WHY DID GOD FORBID ME OF MAKING GOOD JOKES (refer to 'Amanda's Ten Commandments') OH MY GOD! Wouldn't it be STUPENDOUS (hah...that's a funny word...-laughs- stupendous...LOL XD) if (for the remaining 10 thingys) I write 'Vicky's Ten Commandments'?...Regardless, I'm going for it!

THis is an excerpt from Vicky's Ten Commandments

91) Thou shalt honor thy mother and father (Note from Amanda: Er...well...at least she follows half of that...)

92) Thou shalt not pelt Amanda (or any other friends of thee) with mustard packets and/or batteries foundith in thy refrigerator.

93) Thou shalt rule the world with thy awesomeness and nerdy-ness (But thou shalt also keepest thy friend, Amanda, alive Note from Amanda: -cough- Because she is awesome and PWNs you -cough-)

94) Thou shalt go to prom dressed up like a vampire (Ahem, like a, in a boy's terms, sexy vampire) (V/N: I really am doing to do that. I just haven't found the right dress yet... Anybody know of a good place to get one??)

95) Thy skin of pale complexity shalt not be tanned by the sun. (Note from Amanda: -sob- It's okay Vicky...I don't get tan either :-( )

96) Thou shalt (one day) go bungee jumping and sky-diving with thy friend, Amanda, at the Six Flags which contains Great Adventure (Note from the God who wrote this: Unfortunately, Methinks I shall not be capable of making sure-ith that thee livist)

97) Thy score in the game, "Moron Test", shall be overcome by Amanda. (Note: This will not take place any time soon).

98) Thou shalt follow the "15 things to do in Wal-mart" and get kickedith out of Wal-Mart. (V/N: Is "kickedith" even a real word...? Was it ever...?)

99) Thou shalt run up the Down escalator (And, eventually, reach the top...WITHOUT tripping). (V/N: OMG!! I DID THAT ONCE...!)

100) Thou shalt be PWNed by Amanda and thee will become her eternal servant...Take note: Thee will also admit that oranges are sexier fruits than bananas. (V/N: NEVER!!(to either request))

God: HEY! That's not the 10th commandment!

Me: Uh...(eyes dart back and forth, nervously) LOOK--IT'S ORANGE JUICE!

God: (turns around just long enough for me to make my escape) WHERE?

When I have have nothing better to do, I'll return on this profile, and PIMP IT UP even more.

35 Things To Do In Wal-Mart

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
" 'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask,
"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti - depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through,
say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream..
"NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!

15.Grap alot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

16. Pass out bananas to random people and snicker loudly when they take one.

17. Buy 350 cans of tuna and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!" when the cashier tells you the price.

18. Walk around looking confused in the CD section and ask people where you can find the CDs.

19. Start a fish-stick fight.

20. Walk up to random people, give them bear hugs, and say very loudly that you missed them and they never really did get that dandruf shampoo you recommended.

21. Jump in a cart and have a friend push you while you scream "The Germans are coming!"

22. Attempt to fly off a high shelf.

23. Run up to an employee and ask "Do you like me?" If they say no, yell out "You broke my heart, you evil monster! I'm telling the manager!" and start throwing canned tomatoes at them. If they say yes just to get you away, pat their shoulder, and say "What a shame because that girl over there" point to a random person "was just about to ask you to dinner."

24. Throw confetti on random people walking into the store.

25. Whisper "I know your 'little' secret" to people in the checkout lines.

26. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section.

27. Walk up to employees and whisper "I saw dead people...they want me to take you away...to aisle eight..."

28. Ask the clerk to make a page saying "If there is an Edward in the store, Bella is looking for you at the main info desk".

29. See how many cans of frosting you can open and thoroughly lick without getting caught.

30. Go to a person with a shopping cart full of merchandise and demand a ride in the basket.

31. Practice your juggling with a few Grade-A eggs.

32. Squeeze the cream-filled doughnuts.

33. Walk into the baby clothes section, pick up a pink baby dress, then throw it down and run away screaming that the pink bunnies of doom came back.

34. Bow to the display of T.Vs in the electronics section.

35. See if you can move the bottom can from the gigantic canned beet pyramid

Gee...that was fun...

MOVING ONWARDS!

REASONS WHY I OWE MY MOTHER!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Isn't this all very cliche, and already used in millions of other profiles? WELL, SCREW YOU!

And now, here is a bunch of sad, sob-story stuff to make you cry like the little sappy wuss you are.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

I'm the one who can't accept myself.

Yeah, I thought that was pretty depressing too...so, I'm making it even worse.

a little girl holding the hand of her orphanage nanny looks up at the sky and asks "What are those little lights in the sky?"

two figures stand in front of a little girl's grave, crying over their dead daughter.

a sister sheilds her little brother from her father's drunken rage. her brother runs away on the day of her funeral.

a man getting on a bus walks under a black sky, the stars hidden by light pollution. he has only seen stars in movies and pictures.

a little boy holds his mother, trying to keep her warm and dry from the rain dripping into their cardboard box.

a girl stands on the street in front of her house in the snow because she told her parents that she was lesbian

a jewish man hides his face in public from fear of getting harmed

the neighbors hear screaming and crying in the apartment beside them, and had seen the woman with an empty bottle of alcohol walking towards the room, but they just pull their blankets tighter around them.

a girl sleeps on a park bench because she got pregnant and let her parents know

someone kicks mud in the face of a man asking for a spare bit of change. the man couldn't get a job because he was gay

an african american woman stops going to church because they don't accept her race

a mother cries as the police drag her sobbing daughter away. her wife comes outside and hugs her. the police had said she was an unfit mother because she was lesbian

Isn't that sad? No, I'm not lesbian or abused or poor, but I still feel bad for abuse and such... paste this into your profile if the messed up world we live in makes you sad...

Think I'm done yet? Nope you're wrong.

Try Not To Cry:

Mommy...Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though, deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost

Uh-oh...are you having a mental breakdown right now? Hehe, you're about to go into a major depression.

This story is about a little girl that was abused. (Warning: I thought this was very sad)

My name is Sarah

I am but three,

My eyes are swollen

I cannot see,

I must be stupid

I must be bad,

What else could have made

My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better

I wish I weren't ugly,

Then maybe my mommy

Would still want to hug me.

I can't speak at all

I can't do a wrong

Or else I'm locked up

All the day long

When I awake

I'm all alone

The house is dark

My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come

I'll try and be nice,

So maybe I'll get just

One whipping tonight

Don't make a sound!

I just heard a car

My daddy is back

From Charlie's Bar.

I hear him curse

My name he calls

I press myself

Against the wall.

I try and hide

From his evil eyes

I'm so afraid now

I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping

He shouts ugly words,

He says its my fault

That he suffers at work.

He slaps me and hits me

And yells at me more,

I finally get free

And I run for the door.

He's already locked it

And I start to bawl,

He takes me and throws me

Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor

With my bones nearly broken,

And my daddy continues

With more bad words spoken.

"I'm sorry!", I scream

But its now much too late

His face has been twisted

Into unimaginable hate.

The hurt and the pain

Again and again

Oh please God, have mercy!

Oh please let it end!

And he finally stops

And heads for the door,

While I lay there motionless

Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Sarah

And I am but three,

Tonight my daddy,

Murdered me.

I cried when I red the 2 poems above! So post these somewhere...ANYWHERE if you cried (or wanted to) when u read them.

Alright...I'll stop with the sad stuff...

AND MOVE ONTO HAPPIER TOPICS!

EVER WONDER where we are heading...?

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline:
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor,
while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a
"Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the
material used for the indestructible
black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when
they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro,
is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?

Why they call the airport "the terminal"
if flying is so safe?

Nope, not done yet. I need to make this REALLY long...

Murphy's Lesser Known Laws.

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something

right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Number 14 REALLY makes me confident if I'm ever going to court...

Okay, now I'm officially bored. What am I supposed to put in here? JEEZUMS, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MY LIFE? DO YOU EXPECT ME TO WRITE A 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 WORD LONG PROFILE JUST SO I CAN ENTERTAIN THE AUDIENCE WHO IS READING THIS?! I HAVE A LIFE YOU KNOW!!

...(silence)..

Okay, I DON'T have a life...BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE ANYONE THE RIGHT TO SAY I DO!

Wow, look down here...Victoria's final last words, before i changed her profile. Big mistake...

What you are about to read is Victoria's words, not mine.

Hey All!! I'm sorta new here, so it'll probably take me a while to get settled. I'm currently just helping other people write stories, so if yo uneed help, don' t be afraid to ask. I'm working on my own personal stories as we speak, so I'll have a few up soon. Now, mind you, i'm not exactly normal. I'm a teenage girl with a burning need for self-expression, and a psychopathic mother who doesn't believe in me. I know that some of you think you understand, but you don't. So I express myself through my stories. I apologize if some of them get dark, but that's just who I am. So, "don' t think or judge, just listen."-Owen, Just Listen by; Sarah Dessen.

--Victoria

P.S. My computer is acting up, so I can promise you that it might be a while in between updates and answers to messages and reviews. My hard-drive had to be replaced, so I lost all of my documents. My stories need to be typed up again, and it will take some time. Thanks XD

Wow...

WHAT.

A.

LOZER!

That has got to be the SHORTEST thing I've ever seen in a profile. Jeezums, Vicky, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Do you not realize that people come on this and EXPECT to be entertained with FUNNY and SAD stuff? But, have no fear. I just saved your sorry ass from having a stupid short profile. See how much of a good friend I am? Yeah, I know you love me so much right now. It's okay, no need to thank me. Be awed at all that I have done.

Vicky: This is the most retarded thing I have ever seen...I WANT SOMETHING MORE ORIGINAL!

This is friend abuse. I think we should have a copy & paste for friend abuse.

Two close friends walk side by side to a lunchroom. Friend 1 throws Friend Two's Binder on the floor where the evil dust bunnies attack the binder with no mercy. Poor Binder...

A user who is new on Fanfiction doesn't appreciate the awesomeness that has been bestowed on her profile.

If you are 100 percent against FRIEND ABUSE copy and paste into your profile. Add more friend abuses.

OKAY! FINE! Victoria didn't actually comment on this profile yet (Heck, she didn't even READ it yet.)

But, you know what?

MY BINDER WAS STILL INHALED BY DUST BUNNIES! THIS IS A CRUEL WORLD!

Silence is golden. Duct tape is Silver. I never understood that quote. but, if you do, let me know. (Vicky Note: laughs evily I practically invented that quote...!)

This profile has been officialy PIMPED by me, GoTTaBeSoMeBoDy. Yes, I know you all have incredulous looks on your face right now. I know; I know. Don't need to remind me.

I must go now.

BUT, IN ABOUT 1 HOUR, I WILL RETURN TO MAKE THIS PROFILE EVEN AWESOMER!

(P.S. ARI DOESN'T HAVE AN AWESOME PROFILE LIKE THIS! NO--SHE DOESN'T! SHE MAKES HER PROFILES SHORT AND WIMPY! YOU KNOW WHAT ARI? MY PROFILE--and now, Victoria's profile--HAVE OFFICIALY PWNed YOURS! Oooohhh. TAKE THAT! This battle is coming to an end Ariane, you better PWN me before you lose..WAIT! Never mind--you already lost. MUA HA HA HA HA!)

P.S.S. Vicky, when you read this, if you ever try to PWN my profile with yours (which I know you can do) I will slap you upside the head with a rubber chicken. Either that, or I'll come into your room at night with a knife...AND CUT UP YOUR AWESOME FANFICTION BINDER!

Hey, all. I'ts Victoria again. Sorry for subjecting you to that. You should check out Amanda's profile!! It's even better than this one. Her penname is Gottabesomebody. Well, the rest of what you read is my doing.

Men are like. . . Laxatives. . .
They irritate the crap out of you.

Men are like. . .Bananas. . .
The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like. . .Vacations. . .
They never seem to be long enough.

Men are like. . .Weather. . .
Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like. . .Blenders. . .
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like. . .Chocolate Bars. . .
Sweet, smooth and they usually head
right for your hips.

Men are like. . .Coffee. . .
The best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you
up all night long.

Men are like. . .Commercials. . .
You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like. . .Department Stores. . .
Their clothes are always one half off.

Men are like. . .Government Bonds. . .
They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like. . .Mascara. . .
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like. . .Popcorn. . .
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like. . .Snowstorms. . .
You never know when they're coming, how
many inches you'll get, or how long it will last.

Men are like. . .Lava Lamps. . .
Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like. . .Parking Spots. . .
All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Scars: Original Version by javoraf reviews
We always knew there was a dark side to Fang. But just how dark is it? And how deep can your scars run? FAX! Warning. Rating totally justified, don't read if you get offended easily. Language. Original Version of Story. Unfinished. Plan to rewrite in future.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 64,531 - Reviews: 778 - Favs: 256 - Follows: 244 - Updated: 12/13/2014 - Published: 1/10/2007 - Fang, Max - Complete
Broken Wings by bookwormer1986 reviews
This is my first fic, set after Breaking Dawn and the first four max ride books. contains spoilers for both series. I know that its been done alot but I hope mine is at least somewhat original.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 12 - Words: 17,835 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 5/21/2013 - Published: 4/23/2009
Maxamorphosis by ironyheartsap reviews
Max learns surprising secrets regarding her DNA; it is partly composed of Vampire DNA. Soon it's mutating out of control, and Max is slowly changing into a vampire. Will the Cullens be able to help? & what about the Volturi? Better/full summary inside.FAX
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 22 - Words: 53,540 - Reviews: 260 - Favs: 119 - Follows: 137 - Updated: 5/6/2011 - Published: 4/9/2009
The Crossover by A Heny and Cat Production reviews
HIATUS! Twilight X Maximum Ride. When Fang gets caught in a storm, ends up in La Push and get found by one of the werewolves, what trouble will ensue as him and his rescuer are thrown into an experiance they will never forget. Slash. Fang/Seth.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 16,334 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 12/31/2010 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Fang, Seth
New in Town by MsParthenopaeus reviews
Basically, Dr M marries Charlie and Max moves to Forks after the flock abandon her. Its my first story! DISCONTINUED
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,788 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 8/17/2010 - Published: 4/19/2009 - Max, Jacob
Ace of Evil 2 The Return of Ace by Andrea Churchill reviews
Character Isle’s protective force field has allowed it to survive underneath the ocean. Ace, aware of this, is in jail planning her escape and the renewal of Character Isle. Ironically, Ace’s jail buddy is Shego, and when Ace is rescued by none other...
Kim Possible - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 6 - Words: 22,298 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 2/24/2010 - Published: 1/27/2010 - Complete
Secrets Not Told by Jasper winked reviews
Name? Bella Swan. Age? 17 years. I think. Home? What ever flies by my fancy. Not that I can be picky. As of this second, it's Forks, if Your Highness wants to know. Little, tiny details that still manage to rule my life? Yeah... I have wings. DISCONTINUED
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 9 - Words: 20,071 - Reviews: 377 - Favs: 229 - Follows: 238 - Updated: 2/17/2010 - Published: 4/16/2009 - Bella
The Ultimate Crossover of Randomness by Bagoosa reviews
Schatten-chan and Bagoosa come together to bring you the ultimate crossover featuring the Cullens, the Flock, and Albus Dumbledore. Click and read and laugh and make fun of certain characters.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,668 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 1/16/2010 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Fang, Edward - Complete
Guarding It All by Cherette reviews
Five years after Edward left, Bella finds herself in the hands of the Volturi. The thing is, she is still human. When the Cullens visit Volterra, how will they react to finding Bella working for the Volturi? Will she accept them back into her life? ExB
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 44 - Words: 177,960 - Reviews: 2849 - Favs: 1,209 - Follows: 911 - Updated: 11/24/2009 - Published: 10/21/2008 - Bella, Edward
I Thought it Would be You by Inamorta reviews
“When is the last time you flew, Fang? Opened your wings?” He said nothing, and I knew it had been even longer than me. Fax. Rating changed for some language. HIATUS.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 17 - Words: 25,501 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 10/10/2009 - Published: 3/7/2008
Untold Affairs by AgentMandark reviews
“Renesmee…there’s something you should know about Jacob…and your mom.” A heart-to-heart talk turns into some disturbing news. Two-shot. Set a few years after Breaking Dawn.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,334 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 16 - Published: 10/6/2009 - Renesmee C./Nessie, Leah
Black Feathers by AkariZeriChana-newAmerica reviews
The flock and their newest member venture west. Running into trouble in the forest, one is left stranded. They are in Forks, something is out hunting. The flock must now make a decision, friend, or foe? I suck at summaries, sorry. R&R please.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 13 - Words: 44,731 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 10/5/2009 - Published: 5/6/2009 - Complete
Maximum Werewolfs? by Iwillmarryjacobblack reviews
Jacob leaves on a mission. Max gets kicked out of the flock. Now what? rated T because I don't really understand the rating thing and what makes it T or M somethings are ooc
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,042 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 29 - Updated: 10/1/2009 - Published: 4/6/2009 - Max, Jacob
Twilight meets Vampire Kisses by XxXxLoveTheGamexXxX reviews
Edward leaves, Bella's devastated but when new characters come into play will they help her be able to heal or is Edward all she wants?
Crossover - Twilight & Vampire Kisses - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,307 - Reviews: 46 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 9/12/2009 - Published: 12/31/2008 - [Edward, Bella] [Alexander S., Raven M.]
unforeseen love by mellie32 reviews
A very busy and smart bella is at the park when she gets an amazingly pleasant and unexpected offer to go on a date. who could it be? and what is that someone hiding? will this turn into something special for both of them?all human @ the moment. R&R B/E
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 13,893 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 8/12/2009 - Published: 3/5/2009
Flock And Fang by Read4urlife reviews
Currently being revised. Be patient with me.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 7,661 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 35 - Updated: 8/11/2009 - Published: 4/19/2009 - Angel, Seth - Complete
Maximum Ride: A Whole New World by SplatteredEggs reviews
Max is alerted to the presence of vampyres in the world when the Tracker hunts her down at Dr. Martinez's house. And now she has to move into the House of Night, without the Flock - can she handle it? Don't need to have read HoN for this. R&R
Crossover - Maximum Ride & House of Night - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 5 - Words: 8,782 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 7/23/2009 - Published: 4/22/2009 - Max, Zoey R.
The Fax of Life by FAXfan reviews
Used to be The Flock meets Forks. Max's Mom Marries Bella's Dad. The flock all move to Forks and meet the Cullens. There is much Fax! It should be really good. I try. There are going to be a lot of OOC's. More Max Ride than Twilight. PLEASE READ!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,847 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 7/13/2009 - Published: 6/29/2009 - Max, Bella - Complete
Bella Swan: Kidnapper by Kambria Rain reviews
Um. Hi. I don’t really know how to say this, but I have your kids with me, and I was thinking maybe you would like them back. So yeah… call me.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 74,736 - Reviews: 8721 - Favs: 14,242 - Follows: 2,958 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 5/15/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Guardian Angels by Molly Cathers reviews
The flock gets captured and Angel is the only one left. She runs for her life and blames herself for what happened to the flock. But soon she meets the Cullens and has to toughen up in order to save the ones she loves.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,114 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 5 - Published: 6/5/2009
Twilight to The Maximum Ride by Bookits reviews
The Flock kick Max out because they think that she was working for the School, but she wasn't. So she goes to Italy where Aro has her changed into a vampire. Max is the coolest vampire, but she has on thing odd about her, she doesn't eat blood. ON HOLD!
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,343 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 88 - Updated: 6/2/2009 - Published: 11/2/2008 - Max, Edward
Intertwined by Brightsider reviews
As Max and Bella's lives get more intertwined they form a very tangled knot and their worlds crash together in a world of angels and demons. First fanfic so this will probably be epic failness.
Crossover - Maximum Ride & Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,455 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/25/2009 - Published: 4/23/2009 - Max, Bella
Four Letter Killer by nighttime writer reviews
Edward and Bella’s relationship is tested when Edward fails to protect Bella from the most disgusting human crime possible: rape.
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,176 - Reviews: 174 - Favs: 169 - Follows: 182 - Updated: 2/7/2009 - Published: 12/2/2008 - Bella, Edward
After the Dawn by Sierra Sitruc reviews
Fifty years after Breaking Dawn. The Volturi have come to settle the score with the Cullens with Bella amongst their ranks. Can Edward still love the monster she has become?
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,445 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 1/7/2009 - Published: 1/4/2009 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Letters to Remember by MD2gether4ever reviews
Post Breaking Dawn. Bella and Edward are dead. Or are they? The Cullen family loses hope until one day when Nessie finds letters that are addressed to the family members from Bella and Edward. Are Bella and Edward really gone?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,821 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 12/11/2008 - Published: 11/9/2008 - Bella, Edward
Vampires, Werewolves, and Mad Libs OH MY! by DeadInExistence reviews
Somehow, Bella is convinced to host a birthday party for Reneesme. And, to top it all off, Bella is forced to take part in a Mad Lib, as well as the rest of the Cullens and the wolves. What chaos will come to our favorite Twilight characters?
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,522 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/1/2008 - Complete
Lyra Lockhart's Multifandom Karaoke Exrtavaganza! by LyraLockhart reviews
What happens when you have characters from Heroes, Harry Potter, and Twilight singing together? Read to find out. Mild spoilers for Powerless, Breaking Dawn, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
Heroes - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 25 - Words: 15,926 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 9/7/2008 - Published: 2/22/2008
Butterfly Kisses by l'heure bleue reviews
”It's a father's right,” Charlie explained to me, a smile dancing on his lips. ”To steal his baby girl away from the groom ... for just one dance.” - Edward watches Renesmee on her wedding day. TWILIGHT AWARD WINNER!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,361 - Reviews: 539 - Favs: 635 - Follows: 109 - Published: 8/4/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Back to School by SplatteredEggs reviews
Max is recaptured and returns to the School. A particular experiment changes Max's whole life forever...read! And review! Okay, I'm probably rubbish at writing, but I'm doing it for fun so who cares? Bad summary - read story! Read my other story/ies too!
Maximum Ride - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Fantasy - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,468 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 5/18/2008 - Published: 1/13/2008
Black Moon by Tee2007 reviews
New Moon told in Edward's POV
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,292 - Reviews: 86 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 42 - Published: 4/2/2007
Deception by apollo'sinspiration reviews
Deception was their downfall. Zutara.
Avatar: Last Airbender - Rated: T - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 11 - Words: 29,364 - Reviews: 116 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 41 - Updated: 8/1/2006 - Published: 2/16/2006
A Letter From Edward reviews
Bella gets a letter from Edward, the vampire love of her life, who ran away with his family to protect her. Set to take place in New Moon, the second novel in Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 12 - Words: 30,516 - Reviews: 141 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 90 - Updated: 1/26/2011 - Published: 1/7/2009 - Bella, Edward
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