Author has written 1 story for Twilight.
IF YOU THINK FF.NET SHOULD ALLOW NC17 CONTENT THEN PLEASE SIGN THIS PETITION... WARNING As you probably guessed from the petition above, i have controversial reading tastes. Another warning- i read slash. A very large portion of the stories and authors on my favorites list write slash. For those of you that don't know, slash tends to indicate boylove, gaylove, guylove, whatever you want to call it.
IF YOU THINK FF.NET SHOULD ALLOW NC17 CONTENT THEN PLEASE SIGN THIS PETITION...
As you probably guessed from the petition above, i have controversial reading tastes. Another warning- i read slash. A very large portion of the stories and authors on my favorites list write slash. For those of you that don't know, slash tends to indicate boylove, gaylove, guylove, whatever you want to call it.
I love my friends, because they're as crazy as i am. i like spending time on the roof, mangoes, and rain.
I love watching Bones- the sexual tension between everyone is almost comical.
Somehow, while i was looking the other way, my little brother grew up. Not sure how.
I think that talking about perverted things with friends through code and inside jokes so no one else understands is brilliant.
Never be afraid to try something new.
Amateurs...built the ark.
I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Harold, the computer guy, to come over. Harold clicked a few buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him, "So, what was wrong?"
He replied, "It was an ID ten T error,"
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless I inquired, "An ID ten T error? What's that, in case I need to fix it again?"
Harold grinned. "Haven't you heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote it down.
I D 1 0 T
A Job Test (etphonehome10 welcomes anyone who wants to copy this.)
An Irish man wants a job, but the boss won't hire him until he passes a little math test.
"Here is your first question," the boss says. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9."
"Without numbers?" The Irishman says. "Dat is easy." He proceeds to draw three trees.
"What's this?" the boss asks.
"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Irishman.
"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99."
The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has drawn and makes a smudge on each tree.
"Ere you go," he says, handing the piece of paper to the boss.
The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"
"Each of the trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says, "All right, last question. Smae rules again, but represent the number 100."
The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of the tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss stares at the attempt. "You must be mad if you think that represents a hundred!"
The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and pooes by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."
"So where do I start?"
There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird.
-Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know it, so it keeps flying anyway-
-To live is the rarest thing; most people only exist-
"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."
"They say that time heals all wounds, but all it's done so far is give me more time to think about how much I miss you."
-People hold onto something because they're afraid nothing that great will ever happen to them again-
-If you can't hear my heartbeat ;; then you're too far away-
-After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist finally said to me, "Maybe...life isn't for everyone." -
One MANIAC to another, how to scare people... (: in the office elevator and surrounding area
1. Repeat everything the person says in a question.
2. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World." incessantly.
3. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
4. Offer nametags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
5. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
6. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
7. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
8. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
9. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
10. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh no, not now, not motion sickness!"
11. Meow occasionally
12. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
13. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
14. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
15. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
16. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
17. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
18. Say, "I wonder what all these do." and push the red buttons.
19. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
20. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
21. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
22. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
23. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
24. Stop at every floor, run off the elevator, then run back on.
25. Ask every passenger that goes up if you can press the button for them.
26. Log on to a computer, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream: "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
27. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
28. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the dang thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
29. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
30. Bring a chain saw, but don't use it. If anyone asks why you have it, say "Just in case..." mysteriously.
31. Every time you press Return and there is processing time required, pray "Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease," and scream "YES!" when it finishes.
32. If you're sitting in a swivel chair, spin around singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" whenever there is processing time required.
33. Print out the complete works of Shakespeare, and then when it's all done (two days later) say that all you wanted was one line.
34. Put a large, gold-framed portrait of the British Royal Family on your desk and loudly proclaim that it inspires you.
35. Send e-mails constantly to the person next to you.
36. When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
37. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
38. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
39. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
40. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.
41. Ask, "Did you feel that?"
42. Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
43. Swat at flies that don't exist.
44. Dance, while drumming noisily against the walls.
If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.
Boys are like slinkies- useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.
Forgiveness is the scent a rose leaves on the bottom of the heel that has crushed it.
No one dies a virgin; life screws us all.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.
They say, “Guns don’t kill people- people kill people.” Well, I think guns help. I mean, if you just stood there and yelled, “BANG!” I don’t think you’d kill too many people, you know?
Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and you mom tell you that you can still keep it.
Why are the Force and ductape the same? Because both have a light and dark side and hold the universe together.
Don’t hate yourself in the morning- sleep till noon.
I’ve got ADD and magic markers- Oh, the fun I will have.
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Hard work pays off in the future- laziness pays off now.
A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today? Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.
Live life like everyday could be your last.
If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague!
“Most people learn by observation, and there are a few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it’s really hot.”
Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
“This is on me,”- perfect for your headstone, don’t you think?
Boys are like trees- they take 50 years to grow up.
“Everything here is eatable. I’m eatable, but that, my dear children, is called cannibalism, and is frowned upon in most societies.”
Let’s flip a coin. Heads- we’ll be together. Tails- we flip again.
I don’t suffer from insanity- I enjoy every minute of it.
You have to have darkness for dawn to come.
Tell the truth… then run.
When angry, take a deep breath and count to ten; when very angry, swear.
Education is important; school, however, is another matter.
Music is love in search of word.
How is it possible to have a civil war?
When French people swear, do they say, “Pardon my English?”
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? yes...
Assassination is an extreme form of censorship.
Imitation is the most annoying form of flattery.
If your confident, it means there's something you don't know.
One way to figure out how things work- push all the buttons!
Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,
Who calls you back when you hang up on him,
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,
Who holds your hand in front of his friends,
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says,'...that's her.'
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