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Joined 09-23-08, id: 1700337, Profile Updated: 05-14-09
Author has written 1 story for Twilight.

My name is Edward Matthew Cress.
I'm 13, my birthday is on April 27.
I have black chin length curly hair. My eyes are like a green-gray color. I think they're creepy, my girlfriend thinks their pretty. I'm about 5'10. I'm pretty overprotective of my girlfriend and my other chick friends. I love rock music, I'm pretty loud and tend to say random things or one liners. I get in trouble a lot...

My girlfriend, Delilah Maryann Grock. She's the best girl ever, she's sweet, nice, loud, dramatic, clumsy, hott, and a little on the short side, but that's even better. She has beautiful wide hazel eyes, black wavy hair, about 5'4. She forced me to read Twilight, I know, pretty sad. But seriously if you have ever seen her pout her pretty red lips, you wouldn't be able to resist either... She's a writer, she has an account on here check it and her stories out, their awesome! Fanfiction.net/~DelilahTCullen.

My closest friends:

Delilah-(My baby) 5'4, hazel eyes, black wavy hair, peachy skin, crazy, loud, random, clumsy
Andrea-5'4, Dora hair, tan skin, brown eyes, can't take a damn joke...
Ivan-5'6, black spiky hair, skater, brown eyes, dark skin
Brandon-5'8, black hair, blue-green eyes, skater-punk, peachy skin
Diana-5'5, black shoulder hair, brown eyes, pretty pale, kinda goth

My school schedual(I spelled that wrong...)

English-Mr. Wright-Andrea
Spanish-Ms.Agular-Nathan, Brandon
History-Mr. Rice-Delilah, Nathan, Diana
Home Ec-Mrs. Nagel-Delilah, Ivan, Brandon, Andrea, Diana, Nathan
PE-Ms. Sweeny-Delilah, Diana
Alegebra-Ms. Min-Delilah
Science-Mrs. Bookout-Ivan

Your eyes pretty -Delilah

My eyes pretty? -Me

Yupp. What? -Delilah

Ask your guy friends or mine, when their girlfriends use pretty to describe something about them its not exactly what we wanna hear -Me

Psh. Shut up, I'll call you pretty all I want -Delilah

Only if I get a kiss everytime -Me

'Kay -Delilah

Today is national slap-ass day - Delilah

Yay! - Me(I slap Del's nice butt...She slaps me back. Harder.) - Owy!

Why are you wearing pink? - Delilah

Because only men wear pink! - Me

What kind of men? - Delilah

...I dunno - Me

Can I have a cookie? - Me

We dont have cookies - Mom

Mommy, I want a damn cookie! - Me

...I kissed a girl just to try it
hope my boyfriend don't mind it
- Me

Fuck, dude, shut up. - Brandon

Sor-ry. It's Del's ring tone - Me

I know my rights! You can't tell me what to do - Me

Go clean your room son - Dad

'Kay - Me

I like short shorts - Brandon

We like short shorts - Ivan

We love shorty shorts! - Me

In PE) My ass hurts - Diana

Mine, too - Delilah

Edward. Does you ass hurt? - Diana

Emm, yes? - Me

In English) I'm a pumpkin - Me

...I have no comment - Andrea

Oooh! I telling mwommy you do kissy face! - My little sister (Me and Del were kissing. It was a little kiss...)

No, no, no. Don't tell mommy. - Me

Yesh, I gona twell momma - Sister(her names Lizete)

Babe, don't tell mommy and I'll give you some chocolate - ME

Yay! Okway, continwue... - Lizete(she skips off)

What the hell are you teaching her? - Delilah

I did your mom - Me

A favor - Ivan

We made you - Me

A sandwhich - Ivan

My god my boyfriend is- - Delilah

A dumbass, I know - Diana

No! A genius! - Delilah

I like pie! - Andrea

Fabulous - Me

No, I dont like pie anymore - Andrea

I'm an extra dingaling today - Mr. Rice (History)

Why's your eye red? - Me

She poked her eye. With her eyeliner. Again. - Diana

Hun, you gotta be more careful, you'll go blind - Me

Already am - Delilah

I can count! - Me

Kudos - Diana

What? - Me

Congratulations - Delilah

For what? - Me

I pulled a Del - Me

You spend too much time with her - Ivan

I fake gasp) NEVER! - Me

Ow, fuck - Ivan

What? You get kneed again? - Me

Again? - Ivan

Yea, when Del kneed you, that time you dropped Twilight on the floor - Me

I remember that! - Brandon

Oh, yeah! - Ivan

Dude, seriously, how do you forget getting kneed? - Brandon

Girls always get what they want - Ivan

No shit - Me

I'm hungry - Delilah

Lets go to Carls - Me

But I want Taco Bell - Me

Me, too! - Andrea, Diana

I want Carls, too - Ivan

I'm cool with either - Brandon

Please, baby? - Delilah (She pouted! Cheater...)

Let's go to Taco Bell! - Me

Look, daddy! Edward bought me coffee! -Delilah

Are you gonna make sure she doesn't hurt herself more than usual? - Del's Dad

Yea, ok - Me

I have a pen. I'm dangerous -Delilah

Babe, your dangerous with paper - Me

OMJ I just had a blond moment - Andrea

Just right now? - Me

Did you just touch my butt? - Delilah

Mhm. - Me

You're crazy. - Delilah

Yes, I am. Just for you. - Me

Awww. - Delilah

You pervertive bastard! - Diana

Look who's talking! - Me

Can I invite Del over? - Me

Since when do you ask me? - Mom

Um...Since dad told me to? - Me

What is that? - Andrea

I don't think you want to know. - Diana

You're probably right. - Andrea

Aren't I always? - Diana

UH! No?! - Me


I have to have my coffee! - Delilah

You can't have coffee! - Andrea

Give. Me. My. Coffee. - Delilah

Nu uh - Diana

Please - Del - Edward, baby. Can I have my coffee back? (She pouts)

Ummm - Me

Please? Babe, please? - Delilah (she's still pouting! Dammit...)

Ahhh, ok, here - Me

Yay! - Del (she starts drinking it like crazy)

Dammit, Edward! - Diana

She pouted! - Me

So!? - Diana

I can't say no, if she pouts, guys! - Me

Your weak - Ivan

Seriously - Brandon

At least, I have a girlfriend - Me

... - Brandon

That's rude - Ivan

No it wasn't - Diana

Here - Delilah(giving me an empty starbucks cup)

Damn, baby! You finished it already - Me

No, she's gonna get extremely hyper! Thanks, Edward! - Diana

Sorry... - Me


What are you dressing as for Halloween, babe? - Me

Like a punk. Black make-up, teased hair, all black wild clothes. -Delilah - You?

Like you. Eye-liner and stuffers - Me

Ooh! Can I do it? Please? - Delilah(pouting)

Course - Me

Yay - Delilah(kissed me. Mmmm...)

What about you wierdos?- Me

I'm dressing as a bumblebee - Andrea

Shocker - Delilah

I'm gonna be a pirate - Diana

I'll be Michael Jackson - Ivan

What? -Delilah

Michael Jackson. You know, child rapist, scary 'white' gu- - Ivan

I get it - Delilah

I'm a be a devil - Brandon

Some things never change - Diana

Tell me about it - Andrea

Corn nuts

Yum, corn nuts - Delilah (Me, Ivan, Brandon start cracking up)

It's not funny, idiots - Andrea

Yea, (Gasp) it is - Brandon

I just said corn nuts - Delilah(we laugh harder)

My brother is an idiot - Diana

I have nuts - Ivan

So do I! - Brandon

Mine are better - Me

You guys are disgusting - Andrea

What? All I said is that I have nuts - Me(Delilah hit me...where it hurts)

Uuuuuuuugh! Ow, ow, ow. Oh, shit, can't breath! - Me

Do you still have nuts, honey? - Delilah

(Gasping) Uhhh, yea. I dunno. Ohhhhhhh. - Me (They said I sounded like a cow...)

They call it PMS because "Mad cow disease" was already taken.

Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda

Love doesn't make the world go round, Love is what makes the ride worthwhile

Just blast some music, so we can dance around like retards and sing like we're on crack.

Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?

Only men wear pink.

Don't mess me, I got a stick

Strike a pose.

Children in front seats can lead to accidents. Accidents in backseats can lead to children.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I can only please on person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

Bella: "It's...a cow."
Edward: "No, Bella. It's a dinosaur. Of course it's a cow!"
Bella: "You...want me to eat it?"
Edward: "No. I want you to throw a stick at it and see if it brings it back."
Bella: "Feeling a little sarcastic today?"
Edward: "Just a bit."

People often ignore the simple things in life. If someone really annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown. On the other hand, it only takes 4 muscles to reach over and bitch slap that mutha fucker upside the head.

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, geez!

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What happens in Vegas by retroninjachick reviews
What happens when Bella gets to Vegas, and leaves married as the new Mrs.Cullen? What about how Edward feels? And how will it work out if they hate each other with a passion? What kind of passion? The line between lust and love. E/B AH based on the movie
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 58,093 - Reviews: 452 - Favs: 304 - Follows: 352 - Updated: 7/28/2011 - Published: 10/10/2008
Stupid Vampire Husband by Lariren-Shadow reviews
Originally written for Jayeliwood’s sexy Edward contest. Bella's having trouble concentrating in class with her husband sitting next to her in a tight rocker tee and jeans. And it keeps going!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 9,039 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 372 - Follows: 129 - Updated: 3/9/2011 - Published: 9/23/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Baby Days by DelilahTCullen reviews
OK, so this is the sequel to BabyBella. Hmmm, seems easy...taking care of a baby, right? But, it's Edward...well, this will prove very interesting....
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 22,208 - Reviews: 666 - Favs: 539 - Follows: 317 - Updated: 10/13/2009 - Published: 10/6/2008 - Complete
Poolside Glow by Shinigamiaa reviews
Expanded one-shot: When Bella's stresses get too much to handle, she decides to take a quick walk by the motel's pool. What happens there will leave her wanting more. Rated M for LEMONS. All human!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 7,855 - Reviews: 102 - Favs: 101 - Follows: 97 - Updated: 11/30/2008 - Published: 11/14/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Double Date by laurenparade reviews
All human. Bella and her new boyfriend Edward go on a date with their best friends Alice and Jasper. What no one was expecting was the shenanigans that occured after an erotic truth or dare game...
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,943 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 11/15/2008 - Published: 10/26/2008 - Bella
Only on Halloween by Prizz-sweetie reviews
ONE-SHOT! Edward Cullen is a shy boy, who's dragged to dinner with his sister and said sister's boyfriend. He goes against his will but is he still unwilling once he hears that his favourite waitress will be there? The girl he's been crushing on hard? AH
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,538 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 91 - Follows: 15 - Published: 11/1/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Trick or Treat by Ssenillek Reh reviews
One-shot for amgglekim's Trick Or Treat Halloween Contest. Crazy, psychic little Mary Alice convinces Edward to go to one of her famous Halloween parties, with the promise that he'll encounter a very delicious treat. Features more Shakespeare, of course.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,075 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 17 - Published: 10/28/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Number 473 by DelilahTCullen reviews
Bella works for the government and her job is to find out info bout mythical creatures and how they became. What happens when they get a particularly stubborn vampire? Can she make him crack?
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 19,168 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 10/22/2008 - Published: 8/2/2008 - Complete
Who knew a handstand could be so difficult? by pinkcrayon1101 reviews
Title says it all.... Before BD. **BASED ON A TRUE STORY**
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 683 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/7/2008 - Complete
Pretty by DelilahTCullen reviews
Edward and Bella have a conversation. One word they use a lot is 'pretty'. Can you guess why? ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 742 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 7 - Published: 9/28/2008 - Complete
BabyBella! by DelilahTCullen reviews
Edward has deal with something he didn't expect at all. It involves his precious Bella, so how does he react to...taking care of Bella in diapers? Theres some language, therefore rated T. Hope you guys like it.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 11 - Words: 21,516 - Reviews: 501 - Favs: 636 - Follows: 227 - Updated: 9/26/2008 - Published: 8/11/2008 - Complete
Awareness by Ssenillek Reh reviews
One-shot for Jay's Sexy Edward Contest. Set during New Moon - there's a reason Bella doesn't believe Edward when he tells her he lied.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,604 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 10 - Published: 9/23/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
The Games We Play by Isabel0329 reviews
When Bella plays games with Edward, he takes action to punish her. Rated M for domination, sex and language! AH, All-Human. Extremely OOC. Example for the Dirty Talking Edward Contest.
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,552 - Reviews: 164 - Favs: 1,095 - Follows: 221 - Published: 9/23/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Fast Times at Forks High by herinfiniteeyes reviews
For Jayliewood's Sexy Edward Contest! Edward and Bella have been friends for years, but now Edward knows how she really feels. Will he be able to convince her to let loose? Big fat lemon! For mature eyes only, please!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,402 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 252 - Follows: 53 - Published: 9/23/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Mr Bright Eyes by Katie Holla Queen reviews
Bella moves to Florida after her dad dies and starts to fall for one of her teacher assistants, Edward. Chaos and lemons are sure to follow. AU/AH BxE
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,916 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 139 - Updated: 9/8/2008 - Published: 8/13/2008 - Bella, Edward
Teach Me by DelilahTCullen reviews
My entry for Jayeliwood's sexy Edward contest! Bella is 19 and wants to learn how to play the piano. When she meets her new teacher, he seems familiar...and he's extremely Se-xy! ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,927 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 120 - Follows: 23 - Published: 8/27/2008 - Complete
Always there by DelilahTCullen reviews
Who is the mysterious boy who always watches me? Why is he always there? What does he want? ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 746 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 4 - Published: 8/23/2008 - Complete
Pool by DelilahTCullen reviews
Alice and Bella are bored after watching more than half a game of football with their men. What do they do to entertain themselves? Do they punish said guys? ONE-SHOT!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,245 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/16/2008 - Complete
I have a little problem by DelilahTCullen reviews
Bell's folding clothes in...what u say? So, now Edward has a little problem, that HAS to be fixed. What is it? ONE-SHOT. Hope you guys likey
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,094 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 11 - Published: 8/14/2008 - Complete
Scared by DelilahTCullen reviews
Alice sees a scary movie, with Bella and Rosalie and is scared out of her mind and can't sleep. What is she going to do about? Who'll make her feel better? Her brother, of course. Can you guess who it is? ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,448 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 6 - Published: 8/2/2008 - Complete
Unexpected by DelilahTCullen reviews
Bella gets sick, and whos there to help her? Yes, Edward, but who else? ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,370 - Reviews: 94 - Favs: 136 - Follows: 46 - Published: 7/18/2008 - Complete
You got BURNED by DelilahTCullen reviews
Bella gets sunburned, and guess who helps? Thats right, our Edward. But what happens when he gets to see more than he has? Will he show how much he likes it? ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,241 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 73 - Follows: 8 - Published: 7/17/2008 - Complete
idiots by DelilahTCullen reviews
Emmett's does something stupid shocker but what happens if Edward's involved and it scares Bella? Will she get pay-back? What 'bout Rose? LANGUAGE!LEMON!
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,736 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 7/13/2008 - Published: 6/25/2008 - Complete
Bites by DelilahTCullen reviews
Bella has bites, and Edward trys to help her. ONE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 680 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 4 - Published: 7/12/2008 - Complete
Would you rather by DelilahTCullen reviews
OK, Bells and Jazzy are home alone, bored out of their minds, so they play a game, and soon she has played with everyone. Just mature themes. ok THERE IS LEMON! Sorry, just the last chapter! FIVE-SHOT
Twilight - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,912 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 7/11/2008 - Published: 7/7/2008 - Complete
I like sh reviews
So, this was a convo between my and my friends/ girlfriend. This is a HUMAN story. ONE-SHOT.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 734 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 4 - Published: 10/1/2008 - Complete