Author has written 10 stories for Twilight, Misc. Books, Harry Potter, Dracula, Les Misérables, and Teen Wolf.
Some argon walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't server noble gasses here." The argon doesn't react.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Ask Harry if his scar senses are tingling
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: sing "I'm Off to See the Wizard" when sent to the Headmasters office.
When I am at Hogwarts I will not: Accidentally fall in love with Draco Malfoy. It will be entirely on purpose.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
Life was so simple when boys had cooties.
I ran with scissors and lived!
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder.
I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
I'm a repetitive person, get used to it. I'm a repetitive person, get used to it.
It was all fun and games until someone got knocked up. Then it was fucking hilarious.
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
Cooties still exist. They're just called STD's now.
I often get distracted by OOH LOOK A NARWHAL!
All the good ones are either gay, married, or an Avenger.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time- I think I've forgotten this before.
There are three kinds of people in the world: ones who can count and ones who can't.
I have more fictional boyfriends than you do! Haha! Beat that!
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".
Did you know that over 67 percent of statistics are made up on the spot?
Doctors say I have multiple personalities. We disagree with that.
25 percent of human genes are the same as those of a banana. Get over yourself.
When life gives you lemons, make apple juice, then laugh while people try to figure out what the hell you did.
When life gives you lemons, throw them at the people you hate.
What if the hokey pokey is what it's all about?
DON'T MAKE ME RELEASE THE FLYING MOKEYS!
It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with.
Duct tape is like the force: it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Education is important. School however, is another matter.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them more.
Don’t mess with me, I've got a stick.
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.
I own a horse.
Evening News is where they begin with "Good Evening" then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Don't follow in my footsteps, I tend to fall down the stairs.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Who is this "she" and how does everyone know what she said?
Don’t knock on death’s door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.
I lost the game.
Whoever said that nothing is impossible has never tried slamming a revolving door.
I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Two dead boys
One bright day in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back they faced each other,
Drew their swords and shot each other.
A deaf policeman heard the noise
And ran to save the two dead boys.
And if you don’t believe it’s true,
Go ask the blind man, he saw it too.
For those few of you out there reading my stories, I'm sorry for not updating very often. If you have any ideas, feel free to message me, or if you don't have an account, just review any story and talk to me there. Also, my Twilight stories have been discontinued. If you'd like to adopt one (or more)of them, message me and we'll work something out. Thanks!
Also, feel free to check me out on fictionpress. My name is The Reluctant Prophet.