Ivory Tower
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Joined 02-15-02, id: 170637
Author has written 40 stories for Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and X-overs.
Ivory Tower is 26, loves horror movies (B-rated included), and has been writing since age 14. I would tell you my favorite Harry Potter character, but after reading a few of my stories you will be able to figure that out on your own.

Ivory Tower is quite fond of parodies and humor, and has little patience for those who are easily offended and hop on their little pedestals to whine about the unfairness of the world. Ivory Tower has had more than her share of bad luck, health, living circumstances, etc., and is even able to mock her own ill fortune and issues in her stories.

Ivory Tower would like to thank those who appreciate warped humor and disturbing concepts.

For a good laugh, Ivory Tower recommends the following movies:

"Plan 9 From Outer Space"; "Flesh Gordon"; "The Evil Dead" trilogy; "Time Bandits"; "Fear and Loathing In Los Vegas"; any movie with Kathy Ireland.

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Middle Earth Inc by Lady of Mowzerness reviews
Middle Earth is now open for business! The adventures of the Fellowship in Gondor's only skyscraper.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,017 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 6 - Updated: 6/19/2004 - Published: 2/9/2004
Writing a Harry Potter Novel for Dummies by awkward reviews
In an undetermined place, on an undetermined year, an indescribable boy did magic of little description. The indescribable boy and his friends of undetermined name and number quickly fell into a plot of no importance involving the Dark Chocolate Arts.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 6,923 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 4/29/2004 - Published: 1/6/2004 - Harry P.
Hermione In The Wonderland by Dragon Mistress reviews
Completed! Welcome to the Wonderland, where nothing is as it should be and Hermione finds herself adored, loved, and lusted after by all of the Wonderland’s inhabitants.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 8 - Words: 17,972 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 4/8/2004 - Published: 10/9/2003 - Hermione G. - Complete
Just Like Old Times by Erestor reviews
The Fellowship reunites to defeat a new evil. Parody of those stories were Pippin is always cute and depressed, Gimli does nothing, and Legolas just can't stop saving the day. REVISED November '06.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,806 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 6 - Published: 3/29/2004 - Legolas - Complete
The Sesame Street Sniper by VeryTalldude reviews
Hilarious Jim Hanson Crossover in which a man tries to solve a murder on sesame st....Mild Violence parental discretion is advised DISCLAIMER:I dont Own Jim Hansen Inc. or anything else mentioned...all
X-overs - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,095 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/19/2004
The Metamorphosis of a Nemesis by Colorlessgreenideas reviews
Features Hermione and Draco. All chapters recently revised. I swear to god I am going to finish this one of these days.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Parody - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,095 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 10/15/2003 - Published: 4/27/2002 - Hermione G., Draco M.
the fellowship and the elf next door by Lamoo reviews
A silly random waste of webspace that tells the tale of 4 hobbits, a king, and elf and a dwarf and their rather random, but very mundane, adventures. Legolas is bad tempered, Pippin fries technology, Gimli knits and eats rocks and Haldir lives next door.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 63,932 - Reviews: 315 - Favs: 30 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/14/2003 - Published: 5/23/2003 - Legolas
PotC: The Curse of Elizabeth Swann by The Quidditch Gals reviews
Set in the first scene of the movie, young Elizabeth sings a song that causes much woe. Meant to be funny, so LAUGH PEOPLE!!! Poor Jack loses his rum....
Pirates of the Caribbean - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 531 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 19 - Published: 7/25/2003
Bored in PE Class by Trinity Jasmine Elessar reviews
My friend and I in a boring class... madness is produced! Aargh, the inhumanity! ~CHAPTER SIX~ SARUMAN'S BIRTHDAY! PG-13 for extreme stupidity.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 5,224 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 7/10/2003 - Published: 1/23/2003
The Mushroom: Middle Earth's Finest News Source by Marauder reviews
The Middle-earth version of The Onion...somewhat OOC, PWP, slashy. Complete. My personl favorite headline: Completely Unrelated Hobbits Wed
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 12 - Words: 7,990 - Reviews: 128 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 4/14/2003 - Published: 2/17/2003 - Complete
Blind as a Post by Xenophobic Doll reviews
Severus Snape turns himself into a bedpost to spy on Professor McGonagal and screams Eww! 2nd Chapter up. Snape turns into Malfoys cloak and sees something.... disturbing
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,379 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 2/7/2003 - Published: 2/2/2003 - Severus S., Draco M. - Complete
Fellowship of the Nursery by Tower reviews
What happens when you put 5 yr old-Hobbits, boys, an elf, and a dwarf-in a Rivendell daycare with peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches at their disposal? Find out! COMPLETED.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,235 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/2/2003 - Published: 1/30/2003 - Complete
Harry Potter on One Fine Day by Phoenix with a Head Cold reviews
Hilariously funny fic! It's extremely twisted! It's so funny in some parts it's actually scary!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,034 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 9 - Published: 5/3/2002
Draco Malfoy and a bit of Belladonna by Scratches reviews
Draco gets slipped a bit of Belladonna and what kind of crazieness is going to happen in Potions today? insanity, non OOTPHBP compliant
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 947 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/19/2002 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
The Goonie Hobbits" by Citoyenne Jennie Ainsley reviews
From the deranged psycotic that brought you "The Lord of the Immune System" comes THE crossover: LotR and the movie "The Goonies". Come, read, lose IQ points. I think it's funny. (CHAPTER 1)
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,531 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/16/2001
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Mad and Zany Misadventures of Lucius and Snape reviews
On their own these two are evil and menacing, but when they get together they encounter the oddest situations. Chapter 6: Explore the realm of utter grooviness that is Lucius Malfoy's garden. Yes! The one place where he and Snape find true happiness!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 10,187 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/10/2004 - Published: 1/3/2003
Candy Induced Chaos reviews
What horrors arise in the great hall as a result of too much candy and other substances? Who'd have thought Lupin could shed his modesty? Who'd have thought Snape could be so carefree? Hogwarts will never be the same after today.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,311 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 8 - Published: 6/13/2004
The Carnie Elves Incident reviews
What will the rest of the fellowship do when Legolas is kidnapped by the vengeful King of the Carnie Elves? Features frozen yogurt, many fried foods and a lovable pair of Siamese dwarves. Fun for the whole family! Or not.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,445 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/13/2004
Parody Paradise reviews
Warped Draco angst, dirty boutiques, and bizarre perversion! Chapter 24 up: Ginny is really an elven princess! This means the nonsense cannot be measured by any scale known to mankind! Jolly good fun here, kiddies!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 25 - Words: 41,661 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 5/31/2004 - Published: 12/12/2002
Drunken Debauchery Down in the Dungeon reviews
The incident was crazy enough with Snape and Lucius forcing the class to do unwholesome things. Then Sirius walked in and things got completely out of hand!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,921 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 11 - Published: 3/28/2004
A Day With the Marauders and Company! reviews
Join James and the gang for a fun-filled day at Hogwarts! Insults! Makeovers! It's all here, kiddies, and Peter gets the boot (big surprise, eh?)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 631 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/22/2004
Pancakes and Tequila Don't Mix reviews
Join Frodo, the Metatron, and the Sheriff as Frodo sets out to establish the best brothel in Middle Earth! Chapt 2. Snape arrives to teach Frodo the finer art of writing tasteless tales. The Sheriff and the Metatron continue to bicker.
X-overs - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,166 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/20/2004 - Published: 1/6/2003
The Day the Incredible Happened reviews
Ginny thinks back on the day she witnessed something very unusual: the day she saw Snape laugh. Kinda leaves ya with a warm feeling.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,064 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 7 - Published: 3/14/2004
Up All Night reviews
Legolas and Aragorn role play as the others try to sleep. The others don't quite get it, except for poor Frodo.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 968 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/8/2004
Wedding Nausea reviews
It's Lily's wedding day and everyone has something to gripe about. A harsh jab at all those wedding fics that make you want to gag.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,314 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 8 - Published: 3/7/2004
None of This Should Be Happening! reviews
When a perverted item is stolen from Dumbledore's office, he enlists the aide of Hermione and Snape to find it-after he forces them to marry, of course.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,938 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 11 - Published: 2/29/2004
Vanity to the Extreme reviews
It is a well accepted fact that Draco is vain, but this is just plain odd! Tis unhealthy to pay so much attention to certain areas of one's body!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,289 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 6 - Published: 2/16/2004
Why Snape Isn't A Physician reviews
It's a very good thing that Snape decided to teach. I pity all Gryffindors everywhere.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 890 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 5 - Published: 2/15/2004
Scroogy Snape reviews
And now a parody of all those annoying Snapish Christmas fics. Smut and sarcasm galore, kiddies!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,821 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 10 - Published: 12/16/2003
A Disfunctional Family Christmas reviews
Here's a little Christmas play starring Snape, Harry, Hermione, Draco and Ron as a "normal, loving" family. Chapter 3 is up! Be fearful and rejoice
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,404 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 18 - Updated: 12/14/2003 - Published: 12/9/2003
The Shower Incident reviews
NAKED SNAPE! Now that I have your attention, read all about Snape's strange experience in the shower.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,043 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/11/2003
What Lies Beneath reviews
Harry gets the strangest urge to look under...oooh, naughty places! Ron and Hermione get in on the fun! Oh, the secrets they find!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,062 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 6 - Published: 10/19/2003
How It Really Happened reviews
The story of Harry's parents, the Marauders, and Snape. This is how it really happened folks.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 451 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 4 - Published: 10/15/2003
Oddities reviews
Lupin's gone batty, Snape's tied up, there's an angry mob after Draco-what's going on? Brief appearences by the Metatron and the Sheriff.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,259 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/20/2003
The Unmentionable Curse reviews
The new DADA professor teaches the children a very naughty curse! Most inappropriate, indeed! Rated R for language!
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,295 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 17 - Published: 3/23/2003
And the Fan Girls Wept reviews
Snape and Legolas have multitudes of fans and Lucius feels left out! Can Snape save the day? Those with a warped sense of humor are welcome!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,164 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 7 - Published: 2/20/2003
The Horror That Is Ron's MindOr Is It? reviews
All Ron wanted was some recognition. Instead, he got this...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 926 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/7/2003
Have You Seen My? reviews
Draco has lost an integral part of his, ahem, manhood. Yes, kiddies, it's what you're thinking! Oh, wherever could it be?
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 485 - Reviews: 41 - Favs: 9 - Published: 2/5/2003
The Spanky Dance reviews
This dance is forbidden throughout all of Middle Earth! Find out what makes it so! There's a reason this dance was banned. Leave it to a hobbit to buck the system!!!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,011 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 7 - Published: 1/28/2003
The Fellowship's Screwed Up Stay reviews
On their way to France(yes, you read that correctly)the fellowship stay in a suite. Drinking and decadence follow! Never again will they partake of room service or the yellow pages!
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,171 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/30/2002
Ice Cream and Alcohol reviews
What lengths will Lucius go to for a simple ice cream cone? Poor Snape, he was only stocking up on potion supplies, and now this!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,411 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 2 - Published: 12/26/2002
It Started Out Innocently Enough reviews
Ever wondered what Snape and Lucius were doing during the Quidditch scene in the movie? The shockning truth is revealed with all the twisted details! Lucius is a sadomasachistic freak! Snape tries to ignore him. You'll never look at the Quidditch scen
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 482 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 10 - Published: 12/19/2002
The Mad Tea Party reviews
An insanely polite little story. Join Harry, Ron, Hermione, Malfoy, McGonagall and Snape for the oddest cup of tea you'll ever read about! Jolly good stuff! PG-13 for drug references.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 879 - Reviews: 50 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/18/2002
Some Things Are Better Off Left Alone reviews
Snape's in the hospital and the students are determined to find out what's ailing the evil Potions Professor. The only thing worse than this is when they decide to try and cheer him up. Oh dear...Snape is not pleased. Not at all.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,468 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 5 - Published: 12/13/2002
Professor Snape's Twelve Days of Christmas reviews
You know you want to read about the interesting and horrid gifts the grumpy Potions Master gives to his most annoying studen/fan! Do you agree that Snape would retaliate with these abominable treasures? Take a peek and see!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 536 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/12/2002
The Madness of Muggle Movies reviews
Journey with Harry, Ron, and Hermione as they brave the hilarious setbacks of movie making for their latest school project! Oh the humanity!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,875 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/10/2002
Snape and Certain Sandwiches Don't Mix reviews
Dare you witness the horrors that befall Snape as he prowls the corridors and eats his beloved sandwich? This is very strange, so be warned.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,141 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 7 - Published: 12/9/2002
Whole Lotta Trouble reviews
Oh the mishaps poor Ginny suffers while trying to get Harry to notice her. What creepy, crawley things Snape keeps in his dungeon... A story for anyone who had a good intention that failed miserably
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,545 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 8/13/2002
Drivin' Around In My Automobile reviews
Dumbledore makes Driver's Ed. a requirement for everyone at Hogwarts. The question is who are the worse drivers: the students or the teachers? Chapter 2 is up: Snape is officially a driving instructer. Oh the horrific madness!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,264 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 8/5/2002 - Published: 4/23/2002
Original" Format for a Marauders Fic reviews
A silly jab of fun at all those Marauders fics circulating about.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 775 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 7 - Published: 7/29/2002
Ain't No Cure For the Summertime Blues reviews
Snape's usual holiday of solitude is disrupted by his new newlwed neighbors Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, and Black just can't resist pushing Snape's buttons! ALL GLICHES ARE FIXED!!! Chapter 3: Snape and the garden gnomes feud.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,188 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 7/28/2002 - Published: 4/12/2002
Hot Fun in the Summertime or By The Pool reviews
What a lovely day for a swim at a local pool...wait a tick-why is that lifeguard decked out in black robes and why is he glaring at you?
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,702 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 5 - Published: 6/27/2002
Rootbeer Halloween Party reviews
The Hogwart's faculty get drunk off of spiked rootbeer and terrorize everyone, including each other! Read and review!!!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,102 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/10/2002
Mind Controlling Conspiracy reviews
Poor Ron, he's having a bad day and now this... For those who have an off-center sense of humor. It's hilarious! Read and Review!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 621 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/8/2002