Author has written 5 stories for Naruto, Night World series, and Twilight.
Name: Midori Ookami (Green Wolf)
So my whole profile is just wonderfully funny quotes and sayings, so please enjoy. If not, hit the hide bio button in the corner and just look at the stories! :)
I have not given up on Orochimaru's Love. I will be doing a rewite for that one eventually, but as of right now I am far more interested in my new stories and reading fanfiction than even looking at that mess.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE:
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered for having cultivated such valuable lessons as: knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion, or a band-aid to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents Truth and Trust, his wife Discretion, his daughter Responsibility, and his son Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Anyways from here on down are just fun sayings and quotes and little rhymes and songs and stuff like that. So hit the little button in the Corner that says hide bio if you don't want to read them, personally I think they are lots of fun to read and they always bring a smile to my face. :) (see smiling!!) :) XP XD :D :P
1. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?
Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we
Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?
Why is it call "after dark" when it really is "after light"?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the
Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?
Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money!)
Death is hereditary.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.
An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
1. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good, either.
2. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
3. I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
4. Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
5. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved by a suitable application of high explosives. (Midori Ookami - I feel like this has Reno (FF7) written all over it... Flashy...)
6. Tell me what you need and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
7. Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.
8. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
9. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
10. Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?"
11. My Reality Check bounced.
12. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
13. I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
14. You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
15. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
16. Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
17. Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level.
18. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?
Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching
Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids
Children are natural mimics who act like their parents,
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like
"There is only one pretty child in the world... and every
Children will soon forget your presents. They will always
The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind
Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your kids.
"Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?"
You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of
A child's greatest period of growth is the month after
Anyone who says "Easy as taking candy from a baby"
The best inheritance parents can give their children is
A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted. Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.
An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me.
Man was predestined to have free will.
Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
Men are like parking spots, the good ones are taken and the free ones are handicapped. To cease smoking is the easiest thing. I ought to know. I’ve done it a thousand times. Murphy was an optimist. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.
A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
Youth is a malady of which one becomes cured a little every day. He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.
Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family.
Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.
The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God’s mind - a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you’ve just made a down payment on a house.
A husband is what’s left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.
And on the eighth day God said, “Okay, Murphy, you’re in charge!”
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand.
As to marriage or celibacy, let a man take the course he will. He will be sure to repent.
My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.
"An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, 'So far so good!'"
95 of teens would cry if they saw Edward cullen standing on top of a sky scraper about to jump. If ur one of the 5 who would sit there eating pop corn saying "DO A FLIP!" copy and paste this as your post
A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.
Two lions broke loose in the zoo and were eating a clown.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
Isn’t it funny howthe people who want quiet are always the loudest trying to get everyone else to shut up.
Why do psychics have to ask for your name?
Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk,
In order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
I’m a classic example of all humorists — only funny when I’m working.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
The word ‘politics’ is made up of the words ‘poli’ meaning ‘many’ in Latin, and ‘tics’ as in ‘bloodsucking creatures’
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
You laugh at me because I’m different, but I laugh because all of you shitheads are the same.
"The strongest one among you may not wear a crown."
"DO NOT FEAR!" he called. "WE ARE HERE TO STEAL YOUR WOMEN!"
"This isn't a relationship, it's a mutual agreement to get shagged."
This...was so many levels past 'not good' there wasn't a word for it yet.
“Apology accepted. Now go away and leave me alone.”
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
All right, so I exaggerate. But, like, who's told the truth since they invented cyber-sex?
"It isn't possible to never tell the truth - to tell the truth I am getting away with murder!"
"The best part of 'believe' is the 'lie'."
"I don't give a fuck - God sent me to piss the world off!"
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one
Me breaking the rules? No. I test their elasticity
A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge
I have PMS and a gun... now what were you saying?
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain
I don't need your attitude. I got one of my own
Were one to ask me in which direction I think man strongest, I should say, his capacity to hate.
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.
"It takes so much more power to forgive than to kill the person who broke your heart."
The loneliest place i have ever been was not when i was alone... it was in a room full of people that never even cared.
It only takes one smile to hide a million tears.
Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated.
It's so curious: one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief. But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses
A true friends doesn't stab you in the back, they stab you in the front
The enemy of my enemy is my friend. : Arab proverb
A true friend, is one that will take a bullet for you in the war. : Italian proverb
Tell me who's your friend and I'll tell you who you are. : Russian proverb
Tell me what you laugh at, and I'll tell you who you are.
Don't laugh at people's dreams;
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow Don't walk behind me, I may not lead
Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good.
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random!
Don’t knock on death’s door…ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.
"The more you piss me off, the longer I'll keep you alive."
"If you needed help in killing yourself, you could have asked. I'd be happy to oblige."
'Do what you want how you want, as long as you don't get in my way.'
'You bite me, I'll bite you back... harder.'
'Deal with it. What makes you think my help will make it better?'
'If I lie you think I'm stating a fact, when I state a fact, you think I'm lying... what's the problem here?
Heh. I'm looking forward to regretting this.
"Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted."
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Flying is simple. You just jump and forget how to fall.
Let's pass around the vodka and get wasted, lets see how many lies you've told in the past
Men are like roses, you got to watch out for all the pricks
Women are like dogs. You've got to watch out for all the bitches.
Behind every successful woman is a man who is surprised
Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door
Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to dribble a football
Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone
Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics
Don't talk, it makes you sound stupid-Yu Yu Hakusho
So tell me, what's it like living in a constant haze of stupidity-Yu Yu Hakusho
Don't tell me he wants to conquer the world? Can't he come up with something more original?
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
Guys should be like lattes - rich, strong, and hot
It's a matter of life after death - now that he's dead, I have a life
Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better." Best friends will be prank calling him in the middle of the night, saying "You will die in seven days."
Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up.
EMO kids have cool hair.
EMO=Extravagantly Made Origami
Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.
Was that an earthquake, or did I just rock your world?
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought
You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
You're intoxicated by my very presence
Officer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
I make the cowardly lion look like the terminator!
I ran with scissors, and lived! (I REALLY DID!)
You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder
I'm the kind person of who will burst out laughing in the middle of dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
"Wal-Mart, do they, like, sell walls there?"
A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. But a best friend will go up to him and say "It's because you're gay isn't it?"
I don't obsess! I think intensely
All the good ones are either gay, married, or fictional characters in books or movies.
We fall for stupid boys, we make lots of dumb mistakes, we like to act stupid, talk really fast, and laugh really loud. But us teenager gals we're really going at one thing, staying strong.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.
They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people
Teenage hormones- the fastest detour from sanity
Before you insult someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, when you do insult them, you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
When in doubt, push random buttons.
The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.
Fighting is mind over matter. I don't mind, and you don't matter.
Never can you begin to live until you dare to die.
All life begins with a miracle. It's your job to finish it with the impossible
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance then baffle them with bullshit
--This or That--
Fruit or Vegetable: Fruit
Girl you think you got it all
but you dont!
and I do
so BOOM wit dat attidude
I got sumtin dat you cant touch
choo choo train
wind me up I'll do my thang
no reeces peaces 7up
mess wit me I'll mess you up
cry now girl
you just got DISSED
I'm a BRUNETTE and I'm a cutie,
Mess with me and I'll kick your booty,
Redheads are smart,
Blondes think they're cool,
Well think again,
'Cause BRUNETTES rule!
Losers stare make a fuss.
Just one question-
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