evil and superbly ninja
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Joined 10-06-08, id: 1710111, Profile Updated: 03-05-09

Hi my name is Olivia and that is all you need to know. My hobbies are reading, oggling my super-crushes, hanging out with my best friends, drawing, writing, and going on fanfiction. My favorite books are the Twilight series, Harry Potter series, The Host, The Hunger Games, Airborn trilogy, and Inkheart trilogy. My favorite movies are all of the Pirates of the Carribean movies, Wedding Crashers, Spaceballs, Robin Hood-Men in Tights, Murder By Death, The Pink Panther movies, Blazing Saddles and Mamma Mia. My favorite actors are Cary Elwes, Cameron Diaz, Peter Sellers, Herbert Lom, Harvey Corman, and Johnny Depp. My favorite T.V. shows are Battlestar Galactica, much on demand, who's line is it anyway and video on trial.

(OMG! Im terrified!! There is this creepy guy in my class that likes me and today he came up to me and hugged me. When I screamed and ran away he said "dont worry. I wasnt gonna hurt you. I was just gonna stick my penis in uncomfortable places!! EWWWWWW!!)

Sorry I'm late, I got into an arguement with my Rice Krispies. I distinctly heard "Snap, Crackle, Fuck That Asshole"

if you and your friend break out into song in a public area put this on your profile

If You like chocolate as much as I do, copy this into your profile.

If you are absolutely in love with Stephenie Meyer's fictional charater Edward, from twilight, copy and paste this into your profile

If whenever you see or hear the name "Edward" you freak out and have a small fit because you love him so much, and then people stare at you, copy and paste this into your profile.

AACIBD is Addicted to All Cullen’s Including Bella Disorder

AV is Addicted to Vampires

You know your addiction to Twilight is getting dangerous when you've added "Volterra" to your computer's dictionary. If you have done just that, copy this into your profile.

If you are so obsessed with Twilight that it is NOT even funny anymore, copy this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profil

If you have ever tripped over air, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you becasue of the effects, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been poked and made a noise resembling that of a constipated animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

Woi Mom! You just got burned in italian! Would you like some ice for that italian burn?

Your right to smoke ends when it interferes with my right to BREATHE!

Unique is an understatement, I'm just messed up!

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker

O-M-G! I care so little I almost passed out!

So there were two muffins in an oven. One turns to the other and says, "Wow, it's hot in here!" The other looks back at him and yells HOLY CRAP! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

You call me a bitch like that's a bad thing...

When you call me and my best friend a bitch we just laugh because we knew that WAY before you did.

I want to kill the sexiest person alive, but suicide is illegal

You think I'm sarcastic? Well then, watch me pretend to care.

My soul was removed to make room for all this sarcasm.

if u have copied and pasted something more than once in ur profile copy and paste this in your profile

if u have copied and pasted something more than once in your profile copy and paste this in your profile

I like my men cold, dead, and sparkling!

I like eggs. Tigers are pretty. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If, for no reason, you have laughed during a movie part that wasn't funny, put this in your profile (you know what's wierd? These all describe a small part of my personality!! haha!

Put this in your profile if you didn't know the Alphabet Song and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star had the same tune.

If you have ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, copy this into your profile.

You know you live in 2008 when...

1. You go to a party, sit down and take MySpace pics.

2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM/LiveJournal/MSN Messenger/Tagged/MySpace.

4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.

7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.

8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.

9. You were too busy to notice number five.

10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.

11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.

12. Put this in your pro if you fell for it. You know you did.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

Chocolate chip cookies are the best!! If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile!!

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

-If you've reread TWILIGHT over four times...copy and paste this onto your profile

-If you look around and ask: "Where?", when someone says 'Edward', copy and paste that into your profile

-If you think Edward Cullen is hot...copy and paste this onto your profile.

-If you have ever forgotten your name while introducing yourself, copy this to your profile.

-If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

-If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

It's always the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

Boys are like trees-they take 50 years to grow up.

EMO=Extravagantly Made Oragami

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

I so rock.

I think you're breaking my Gay-dar

El Retard.

Emo kids have cool hair

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thnaks for embracing it.

The wasting of finite resources is everyone's busness!

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the monent you let go, they'll catch on.

It will be as if I never existeè

I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.

You're just jealous because we act retarted in public and people still love us!

So what if I'm a bitch. You're a whore. And personally, I would like to be known for what I do, not who I do.

My friend's the kind of person that breaks the silence at a funeral by screaming "KUNG POW CHICKEN"

Life was so simple when boys had cooties.

I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.

Boys are like slinkeys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

I know I'm a sexy penguin

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

I often break out with random dance moves

I hear voices, and they don't like you.

You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.

If annoyed further, I shall spork your eyes out.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious problems.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I

I'm right 90 of the time, so why worry about the other 3?

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.


When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there." type of thing. But more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us." type of thing

I tried sniffing coke, but the ice cubes went up my nose.

Is mayonnaise an instrament?

To put it nicely, I hope you choke. Ok, love ya, BYE!

I think it's sweet that you miss me enough to talk about me behind my back.

Twilight -- it's not an obsession, it's a lifestyle.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some people just don't have film.

Love is like the wind, you can see it, but you can feel it.

I love you times infinatey plus one!!

Yes, I am slightly crazy. Thanks for noticing.

It's ok pluto! I'm not a planet either...

Why I love being little: Protection was wearing a helmet and cooties were the worst things that I could get from guys.

HI! I have cool socks on today.

This is an OMG moment.

Somebody is a bit cranky today... Have you had your daily dose of Edward yet??

A Secret Admirer = A Stalker With Stationary.

" Life isn't about how many breathes you take, It's about how many moments that take your breath away."

"One day your life will flash before your eyes, so make sure that it's worth watching."

Fire And Ice: Robert Frost

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.

From what I've tasted of desire

I hold with those who favor fire.

But if it had to perish twice,

I think I know enough of hate

To say that for destruction ice is also great

and would suffice.

If you have 2 PEE copy and paste this on your profile

if u are evil and superbly ninja copy and paste this on your profile


1. Put Your iTunes, Windows Media Player, ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. Put any comments in parentheses after the song name.
5. Put this in your profile.

I'm going to update a lot

1. What would you say about your boyfriend?

Bubble Pop Electric-Gwen Stefani (Ooooookaaaay...)

2.What is the first thing you say in the morning?

Everybodys Fool-Evanescance (um...)

3. Your teacher is...

Holla Back Girl-Gwen Stefani (weird mental images...)

4. What's written on your classroom's blackboard?

Stronger-Kanye West (no comment)

5. How would you describe your next door neighbours?

3 Doors Down-Kryptonite (... they live next door not three doors down...)

6. What would your Best Friend say about you?

Love Story-Taylor Swift (OK)

7. How do you feel right now?

Outta My Head-Ashley Simpson (well I have a headache I guess)

8.What's on your bedside table right now?

Four Minutes-Madonna ft. Justin Timberlake(...makes sense...)

9.What did you do when you woke up this morning?

Clumsy-Fergie (makes no sense)

10. When you open your wardrobe you see...

Low-Flo Rida (hmm)

11. What did you say after you last attended a concert?

Unwritten-Natasha Beningfield (hmm also)

12. If you had to write a Fan Fic right now, what would it be called?

Disturbia-Rihanna (ya maybe)

13. A song you would sing at your school's talent show?

SOS-Rihanna (OOH I rock @ that song!)

14. Your life's theme song?

Good Girl Gone Bad-Rihanna (K)

15. How would you describe what you are doing this moment?

Dangerous-Akon (makes sense)

16. If you had to go and jump of a building, what would your last words be?

Hello-Evanescence (if I was jumping off of a building why the hell would I say hello?)

17. Your motto is..

Shut Up & Drive-Rihanna (uh huh)

18. If you could by anything in this world you'd buy...

Ur So Gay-Katy Perry (Id buy a gay guy(insert question mark here))

19. What did you dream about tonight?

My Immortal-Evanescence (OMG!!EDWARD!!)

20. Any last words?

Live Your Life-Rihanna ft. T.I.

Soap Opera Name

(middle name and current street name): Isabella 52

Super-Hero Name (favorite color and favorite drink): Purple Pop

Star Wars Name (first three letters of last name, first three letters of first name, last three letters of mother's maiden name):Boosamdel

Arabic Name (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 1st letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, and last letter of your moms middle name): aoicc

Goth Name (black and the name of one of your pets): Black Midnight

Witness Protection Name (mother’s & father’s middle names): Richard (mom doesnt have a middle name)

Nascar Name (first name of your mother’s mom, father’s mom): Bearbel Grace

Fly Name (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name): Sath

Gangsta Name (first 3 letters of first name plus izzle): Samizzle

Detective Name (favorite color and favorite animal): Purple Penguin

A Twilight Survey

Which book in the series is your favorite?


How long did it take you to read the books?

like two hours each

Who introduced you to the books?

My almost-sister-as-in-Ive-known-her-since-the-day-after-I-was-born

Did you buy them, borrow them, or have them given to you as a gift?

The first three I got for my birthday (I peeked three weeks before:)) and my mom bought me the second one 2 yrs l8tr

Are you most looking forward to: Breaking Dawn, Midnight Sun, or the movie?

Midnight Sun;I have BD and I didnt really like the movie

What's your dream ending to the series?

I don't even feel like typing the 50 page summary


Who's your favorite vampire?


Who is your favorite werewolf?


What's one of your favorite quotes from the stories?

Omg theres soooo many...anything from Edward...also any chapter titles in book two of BD

What was your favorite Bella and Edward moment?

When Bella saves Edward in New Moon

What was your favorite Bella and Jacob moment?

When they debate their ages

How about your favorite Bella and Alice moment?

Alice and Bella first meeting at the Cullen house.

What was your favorite adventure/battle?

Edward and Seth vs. Victoria and Riley...there wasn't that many to chose from

Which book cover was your favorite?

Breaking Dawn...It was the best

Are these books among your favorite books of all?

Hell Yeah!

This or That?

Twilight or New Moon?


New Moon or Eclipse?

New Moon

Eclipse or Twilight?


Who do you want to see Bella with most: Edward or Jacob?


Who do you like more:

Bella or Edward?


Bella or Jacob?


Bella or Alice?


Alice or Jacob?


Rosalie or Alice?


Jasper or Alice?


Jasper or Edward?


Carlisle or Esme?


Emmett or Jasper?


Emmett or Jacob?


Bella or Rosalie?


Esme or Charlie?


Charlie or Carlisle?


Charlie or Billy?


Jacob or Sam?


Sam or Quil?


Quil or Embry?


Who's the better villain: James or Victoria?


Werewolves or Vampires?


Movie Stuff

How did you first find out about the movie?


Are you excited?

Not really

What do you think of the casting so far?

Hate it.

Are you going to go see it?


Planning on going with anyone in particular?

My friend, Megan

Do you think it will stay true to the book?

No but what good is seeing something you've already seen in your head?

Breaking Dawn Speculation

Are you planning on buying this book as soon as it's out?

I did

Do you think Bella will be turned into a vampire finally?


Do you think she and Edward will get married?


Do you think Jacob might imprint in this book?


Who do you think Bella will end up with : Edward or Jacob?

Edward. Duh!

Do you think it will be a happy, sad, or shocking ending?


Who do you think will be the villain(s) of the book this time?


How would you feel about a possible vampire / werewolf cross?


Will Charlie find out Edward is a vampire?

I hope so

Will the vampires and werewolves continue the truce they had in Eclipse?


If anyone, who do you think will die in this book?


For a twist: what would you think if Edward was somehow turned human?

I would destroy Stephenie Meyer

Do you think Jacob will be over Bella by the end of the book?


What do you most want to happen in Breaking Dawn?

Jacob gets over Bella and finds true love

What's your dream ending?

See above

(A Few Last Things:)

In which book did you like Bella's character best?


How about Edward's?



New Moon


It would be BD...but I would say nvm BD

If it were possible...who would you most want to meet in person?


List your twelve favorite Twilight Characters in no particular order:

1. Edward

2. Jasper

3. Carlisle

4. Emmett

5. Esme

6. Jacob

7. Alice

8. Aro

9. Rosalie

10. Reneé

11. Mike

12. Angela

1) Have you ever read a six/eleven fanfic before?

That would just be weird.

2) Do you think four is hot? How hot?

Totaly Hott!!

3) What would happen if twelve got eight pregnant?

Creepy mental pics.

4) Do you recall any fics about nine?

Yaa...Theyre good.

5) Would two and six make a good couple?

More scary pix.

6) Five/Nine or five/ten?


7) What would happen if seven walked in on two and twelve having sex?

She would rip Angelas head off and kick Jaspers ass

8) Make up a summary of a three/ten fanfic.

Carlisle comforts Reneé whaen Charlie dies.

9) Is there any thing as one/eight fluff?

No...I mean Edward and Aro

10) Suggest a title for a seven/twelve hurt/comfort fic

Everyone will find love someday.

11) What kind of plot would you use if you wanted four to de-flower one?

Truth or Dare Emmett gets dared to take off Edwards clothes(you know he cant turn down a dare!)

12)Does anyone on your friends list read three?

All the time.

13) Does anyone on your friends list draw or write eleven?


14) Would anyone on your friends list write two/four/five?

Major creepiness, totaly not.

15)What might ten scream at a great moment of passion?

I don't know... OHI guess...

16)If you wrote a song fic about eight, what song would you use?

I don't know again... maybe... I'll get back to that.

17) If you wrote a one/six/twelve fic, what would the warning be?

Warning: Incredably weird and unnatural.

18) What would be a good pick up line for ten to use on two?

Hey there soldier

'Never Argue With A Woman'

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage afterseveral hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to
read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.He pulls up alongside the
woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am.What are you doing?'Reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?').'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.'But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think

10 Commandments of a Teenager

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping.
(why wait that long)
2) Thou shall not do drugs.
(alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.)
3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart.
(Walmart has a bigger selection)
4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism.
(destruction has a bigger effect, I can tell you all about this)
5) Thou shall not steal from your parents.
(everyone knows grandma has more money)
6) Thou shall not get into fights.
(Cat fight anyhow...just start them.)
7) Thou shall not skip class.
(just take the whole day off)
8) Thou shall not strip in class.
(Hooters pays more)
9) Thou shall not think about having sex.
(like Nike says, "just do it")
10) Thou shall not help old ladies across the street.
(just leave'm in the middle)


The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910. (...no comment)

The average human eats 8 spiders in their life while sleeping. (i'm sooooooooo going to tape my mouth from now on...)

Cockroaches can live 9 days after there heads have been chopped off. (EWWWWWWWWWW)

A melcryptovestimentaphiliac is someone who compulsively steals women's underwear. (Or, for an easier word, pervert)

A mismomania is someone who hates everything.(EMO)

On average, a four year old child will ask 437 questions daily. (I'm very sorry for those of you who have a four year old sibling...you're in my prayers.)

There is no "I" in team but the is an "I" in PIE and there is an "I" in MEATPIE and MEAT is an anagram of TEAM...

Everything here is eatable. Even I'm eatable, but that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is frowned upon in most societies. ~Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

"Doctors say I have multiple personality disorder. We disagree with that."

Men who argue with cow on wall, is like train without wings; very soon getting nowhere-Peter Sellers, Murder by Death

Someone out there either has too much
spare time, or is really good at Scrabble.
When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:


When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

When you rearrange the letters:

1. I need 2 tell u something, read number 5
2. Are u in a rush? read number 8
3. Are u curious? read number 9
4. Look its the following...u betta read number 15
5. I havent got the guts...just read number 17
6. I would like to tell u..but u should read number 16
7. I'll tell u...but first read number 2
8. Its very simple...just read number 4
9. Dont get nervous..its simple..jus read number 18
10. Not yet...but read number 19
11. Are u gettin tired? relax...just read number 13
12. Like i was sayin...read number 3
13. You're nearly there...read number 20
14. Just dropped by 2 say HI THERE,wassup!! heheehe!
15. Ur getting nervous..just read number 6
16. U still dont get it? just read number 12
17. Oh! im embarassed...read number 7
18. I dunno if u'll understand...just read number 10
19. You are seriously almost there! Just read number 11
20. Wooh! Going closer! Read number 14

ThInGs To PoNdEr:

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? "What happens if you get scared half to death twice?" Can fat people go skinny-dipping? If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose? Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak? So what's the speed of dark? A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station... If quitters never win and winners never quit- what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans? How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water? Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn? Why is round pizza in a square box? Why do people say that they slept like a baby when babies sleep for only two hours? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, then why practice? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? When you eat you have to chew and swallow... does inhailing count?

You know you live in 2008 when...
1. You go to a party, sit down and take pics for your profile.
2. You havent played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have AIM.
4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.
6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.
7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.
8. You think about how dumb you are for reading this.
9. You were too busy to notice number five.
10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.
11. And now you're laughing at your dumbness.
12. If you fell for this then forward it and see how many people actually belong in this year.

Ways to make sure you're insane

At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. see if they slow down.

Page yourself over the intercom. don't disguise your voice.

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy"

Ask your dog if it's comfortable with it's name. Repeat with cat, until people ask if you're alright.

As often as possible, skip rather than walk

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go"

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme

Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because your not in the mood.

When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I WON! I WON!"

When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives! they're loose!!"

Things to do on an Elevator

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.

23) MOVE your desk onto the elavator and when someone gets on ask them if they have an appointment

are like
apples on trees.
The best ones are
at the top of the tree.The
boys dont want to reach
for the good ones because they
are afraid of falling and getting hurt.
Instead, they just get the rotten apples
from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
something is wrong with them, when in
reality, they're amazing. They just
have to wait for the right boy to
come along, the one who's
brave enough to
climb all
the way
to the top
of the tree

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend already has a shovel ready to bury the loser who made you cry.

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend will sit at the side of the pool with you at that time of the month. A best friend will throw you a tampon and push you in.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you whenyou aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

Lessons Learned in Twilight:

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just .
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)

1. Only in
America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places
in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do stores
make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers,
large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in
America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put
our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use
answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a
call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to
describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have
drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem: my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones had winked off again. However, this time, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.

Some examples of why the human race has probably evolved as far as possible. These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods..

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Yes I do that frequently. Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the Frisbee getting bigger?" Then it hits me.

Being mature is overated .

Slinky + Escalator = Endless fun!

One out of four people is insane. Look at three of your friends. If it's not them, it's you.

Whose cruel idea was it to put "S" in the word "Lisp"?

If you have ever threatened to cut someone's head off with a lunchtray, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you kill characters just because you're bored, copy and paste this into your profile.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist. If you are scared now more than ever of dentists by learning this fact, put this on your profile.

If you noticed that the Kim Possible movie, So the Drama, has the initials, STD, which also stands for Sexually Transmitted Disease, and find that very creepy, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever wondered what you are like in another dimension, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever talked about your characters like they're real people copy and paste this on your profile.

When the rich wage war, it’s the poor who die.- linkin park, hands held high

9 Things I Hate About Everyone:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V.. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 10 to come to the movies and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest darn thing anyone ever does!! What the fuck can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,

Who calls you back when you hang up on him,

Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead,

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats,

Who holds your hand in public and in front of his friends and family.

Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he loves you and how lucky he is to have you.

If you think that describes Edward Cullen, copy it into your profile.

Girl: Do I ever cross your mind?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you like me?

Boy: No

Girl: Do you want me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you cry if I left?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you live for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Would you do anything for me?

Boy: No

Girl: Choose--me or your life

Boy: My life

The girl runs away in shock and pain and the boy runs after her and says...

The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind.

The reason why I don't like you is because I love you.

The reason I don't want you is because I need you.

The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die if you left.

The reason I wouldn't live for you is because I would die for you.

The reason why I'm not willing to do you anything for you is because I would do everything for you.

The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life.

If you find this incredibly cute and touching, copy and paste it into your profile

A girl and guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle

Girl: Slow down, I'm scared!

Guy: No, this is fun.

Girl: No, it's not. Please, I'm scared.

Guy: Then tell me you love me.

Girl: I love you, now slow down!

Guy: Now give me a big hug.

She gives him a big hug

Guy: Can you take off my helmet and put it on yourself, it's bothering me.

In the newspaper the next day, a motorcycle had crashed into a building because of break failure. Two people were on it and only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized his break wasn't working but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead he had her hug him and tell him one last time that she loved him. Then he had her put on his helmet so that she could live. If you would do this for a loved one copy and paste.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The black man turned around and stood up.

He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?"

The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away... Post this on your profile if you hate racism

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3 . My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the
store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught t me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't
have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION .
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

“Hey guess who this is? You guessed it. Guess what you have to do now? You
guessed it. Guess what’s next? You guessed it...”

Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball make big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

Therapist = the/rapist... scary thought.

Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.

Some minds are like concrete; thoroughly mixed and permanently set.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Tell the truth and run.

Don’t follow me, I’m lost too.

This is Bob. Bob likes sharp things. I suggest you run from Bob.

If at first you don’t succeed skydiving isn’t for you.

Those who throw objects at crocodiles will be asked to retrieve them.

Set sail in a general that way direction.

When angry, count to ten, when very angry, swear.

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

How is it possible to have a civil war?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out”?

Who was the first person to say, “See that chicken over there ... I’m gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt”?

“Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?”

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because ‘They’ve seen me weep, they’ve seen me laugh, and they’ve seen me hug.’ These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

A recent survey stated that the average person’s greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you’re telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

I’m not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Death is God’s way of saying “You’re fired.”
Suicide is Human’s way of saying “You can’t fire me- I quit!”

If ya can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.
If ya can’t join ‘em, bribe ‘em.
If ya can’t bribe ‘em, blackmail ‘em.
If ya can’t blackmail ‘em, kill ‘em.

If ya can’t kill ‘em, you’re screwed.

Elevators, Blackouts, and Strangers by Emmeline Rose reviews
Bella Swan is a successful editor at The New York Times, and her life is only getting better. But when she gets stuck in an elevator during a summer blackout with a mysterious stanger, everything gets complicated.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 80,034 - Reviews: 677 - Favs: 444 - Follows: 580 - Updated: 8/1/2009 - Published: 9/20/2008 - Bella, Alice