Freelancer 205
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Joined 10-10-08, id: 1712971, Profile Updated: 01-01-11
Author has written 2 stories for Star Fox, and Halo.

Name: ??

Age: ??

Rank: C4C

Position: Bottom of everythin g (Freshman at USAFA)

Height: 6'3"

Ethnicity: caucasian

Gender: male

Hair color: really dark brown

Eye Color: dunno, they change color on a day to day basis

Favorite Hobbies: running, Airsoft (paintball sucks balls, no pun intended), Parkour, and martial arts (not karate, MMA)

Figthing Skills: Depends

Sports I Play: Triathlon (I actually dont know how you would play it, its more like doing)

Favorite game(s): Starfox(all... Except Command, IT DOESNT EVEN DESERVE TO BE PLACED INTO THE TIMELINE, THEREFORE, IN MY MIND, IT NEVER EVEN HAPPENED), Turok, and Halo(all)

Favorite weapon/weapon combo: BR-55 and M6-C, SA2-AM and MA5B, duel mag-rails, M4A1, or a KA-BAR

Favorite Video game characters: Master Chief, Fox McCloud, Krystal (McCloud, it'll happen sooner or later), Turok, Sam Fisher, and Sgt. Johnson.

I a LIVE account. Name is BlackFox205. Add me if want to.

Favorite Quotes (self made):

"You dont have everything done until you have everything done."

"Is your goal to piss me off?"

"English class, either its for morons or the aspiring writer."

"If I go with you, I want a go-cart, an xbox, you to never nag me again, and an unlimited supply of cookies."

"Are you friggin serious?"

"All right Johnny, right over there is a bunker, to the left is a couple of guys with guns, and thers a guard tower about a hundred yards behind that." "Thats it, cool this will be easy." about ten seconds later. "Ben, you didnt tell me about the tank, Ben, Ben!" "Dont worry, I'm right over here." "Ben your dead." "Oh, I just thought the crouch toggle was broken." Dialouge between me and my friend as we played some war vid' game.

"All right, you and you, take the left flank, you three, go for the right, and the four of us are going right up the middle." "John." Yes." "There's only three of us." "Mother f."

"Why do you insist on getting yourself hurt by me?"

"Guns are for last resort, use your fists first."

"F*K-D*MIT!!!!!!"

Favorite quotes (not self made):

"Command, we got four army infantry divsions pinned down on the bottom half of the island and there's two squads of marines running rampant on the north half. What the hell is going on?" By an anonymous army Field Commander.

"Yeah we're the marines, so dont f with us." an anonymous marine.

"How many bullets you got left?" "Enough." off of the movie MI-3

"Six and thirty, six and thirty." My dad, unless you're military or have an excellent background in hand to hand, you probably dont know what that means.

"Eagles dont flock, you have to find them one at a time." JROTC

My Read and Laugh Section of Profiel Page:

Drafting Guys over 60

--this is so Funny & obviously written by a Form ER Soldier--

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. In the "New army" now, "Get down and give me .. ER .. One."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back ck of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. Also, we won't get in trouble for mistreating prisoners.

We won't take any.

If nothing else, put us on border patrol...we will have it secured the first night!

Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can read it!!


A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You
know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started
cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues,
When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and
you say something with ass..' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he
wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom , I guess I'll have
some Cheerios.' WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the
kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his
mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him
in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks
with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?' I
don't know, he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be
Cheerios!'


The IRS audits Grandpa!

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IIRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'

“I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'

The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'

Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'

The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.

The auditor's jaw drops.

Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.

'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you'd be happy about it.'


This is pretty accurate. We had missions in Nam and spotted the enemy and had to call in for permission to engage. Most times it was denied. Thought the Marines, Seals, and Rangers would enjoy this.

Marine Corps Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral &diagonal referred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.


A man owns a barber shop and while he is in it waiting for customers, a man walks into the shop shosrtly before a small boy does. The barber, instead of immediately beginning to serve the man that walked in before the young boy says, "You know, that kid right there..." pointing to the boy, "...is the dumbest danged child I've ever seen, just watch.'

After saying this, the man pulls out a dollar bill and places it into his left hand and puts fifty cents into his right and holds both out. The boy that had previously entered the shop looks back and forth at both for a few seconds, takes the fifty cents, and walks out of the store.

"See, that kid has no darn sense." Exclaimed the barber.

The man that had entered the shop earlier gets his haircut and pays the barber. As he leaves the shop, he sees the same boy walking out of an ice cream shop from across the street, licking a large ice cream cone, and calls out to him to wait. The boy stopped and the man crosses the street and upon reaching the child says, "Why did you take the fifty cents instead of the dollar from the barber."

The young boy simply smiled and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game ends." And walked away, happily eating the large ice cream.


Navy SEAL's Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

US Army Rangers Rules:
1. Walk 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US Army Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

US Air Force Rules:
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'
5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD &defense industry executives.
7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.
8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules:
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee
3. Send in Seal Team
4. Drink Coffee.
5. Deploy Marines (with Seal Team intel.)
6. Pick up Seal Team and Marines after objective is Destroyed
7. Drink Coffee
Go Navy !

And the next... (You've got to love the military, and God bless them all.)

U.S. Navy Directive 16134 ( Inappropriate T-Shirts ) The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East . (It was obviously directed at the Marines.)

To: All Commands Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts
Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24 K
All commanders promulgate upon receipt.

The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East :
1. 'Eat Pork or Die' both English and Arabic versions
2. 'Shrine Busters' Various. Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines. Some with unit logos.
3. 'Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy' Both English and Arabic versions
4. 'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more.' Both English and Arabic versions
5. 'The road to Paradise begins with me.' Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English. Some show sniper scope cross-hairs.
6. 'Guns don't kill people. I kill people.' Both Arabic and English versions
7. 'Pork. The other white meat.' Arabic version
8. 'Infidel' English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.

The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive. In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:

1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.
2. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'
All commands are instructed to implement sensitivity training upon receipt.


INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the
flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under
Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as

Romance 9.5 and
Personal Attention 6.5,

and then installed undesirable programs such as

NBA 5.0,
NFL 3.0 and
Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate.

DEAR DESPERATE,

First, keep in mind,
Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML and try to download Tears
6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then
automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband
1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will
download the Gas and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law
1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize
control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend
5.0-program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband
1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.


Below is an actual job application submitted by a 75 year old senior citizen to wal mart. They hired him because he was funny.

Name: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)

Sex: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (Or atleast one that will cooperate).

Desired Position: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatevers available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

Desired Salary: 185,000 a year plus a stock option and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If thats not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

Education: Yes.

Last Position Held: Target for middle management hostility.

Previous Salary: A lot less than I'm worth.

Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

Reasons for Leaving: It sucked.

Hours Available to work: Any.

Preferred Hours: 1:30-3:30, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

Do You Have Any Speacial Skills: Yes, but they're suited to a more intimate enviroment.

May We Contact Your Current Employer: If I had one, would I be here.

Do You have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to fifty pounds: Of what?

Do you have a car: I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"

Have you received any special awards or recognitions: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House, so they tell me.

Do You Smoke: On the job-no! On my breaks-yes!

What would you like to be doing in five years: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

Nearest Relative: 7 miles.

Do You Certify the Above is True and Complete to the Best of Your Knowledge: Oh yes, absolutely.


Links:

(I decided to add this section after adding a video to youtube)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vyDOE3viJ7k

I added another vid to advertise a revamp/rewrite of the John Carter series. Better story line, some of the same stuff, some new. Tell me what you guys think.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBe-bbkS-nU

StarFox The Echo Halo: Run Alive Through the Light by SyxxFox reviews
Two worlds collied. A story of action, sorrow and repent. Guns firing, Cornerian and UNSC soldiers fighting together. A fox tries to survive with his true love as they fight along side others in a desperate effort to live, and to see the end of the world.
Crossover - Star Fox & Halo - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Romance - Chapters: 39 - Words: 126,959 - Reviews: 279 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 83 - Updated: 12/7/2009 - Published: 8/7/2007 - Fox M., Master Chief/John-117
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

John Carter: Reality reviews
Sequel to John Carter: UNSC Marine Corps. Please R&R. Enjoy new Chap.
Star Fox - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 30,483 - Reviews: 37 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 5/1/2010 - Published: 1/12/2009 - Fox M., Krystal
John Carter: UNSC Marine Corps reviews
UNSC mercenary John Carter is sent to find another system for humans to populate due to all UNSC controlled colonies becoming overpopulated.Watch the HALOID vid for chap 15.Please R&R. Sequel is, John Carter: Reality
Crossover - Star Fox & Halo - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 56,646 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 1/7/2009 - Published: 10/16/2008 - Fox M. - Complete