Author has written 2 stories for Star Fox, and Halo.
Position: Bottom of everythin g (Freshman at USAFA)
Hair color: really dark brown
Eye Color: dunno, they change color on a day to day basis
Favorite Hobbies: running, Airsoft (paintball sucks balls, no pun intended), Parkour, and martial arts (not karate, MMA)
Figthing Skills: Depends
Sports I Play: Triathlon (I actually dont know how you would play it, its more like doing)
Favorite game(s): Starfox(all... Except Command, IT DOESNT EVEN DESERVE TO BE PLACED INTO THE TIMELINE, THEREFORE, IN MY MIND, IT NEVER EVEN HAPPENED), Turok, and Halo(all)
Favorite weapon/weapon combo: BR-55 and M6-C, SA2-AM and MA5B, duel mag-rails, M4A1, or a KA-BAR
Favorite Video game characters: Master Chief, Fox McCloud, Krystal (McCloud, it'll happen sooner or later), Turok, Sam Fisher, and Sgt. Johnson.
I a LIVE account. Name is BlackFox205. Add me if want to.
Favorite Quotes (self made):
"You dont have everything done until you have everything done."
"Is your goal to piss me off?"
"English class, either its for morons or the aspiring writer."
"If I go with you, I want a go-cart, an xbox, you to never nag me again, and an unlimited supply of cookies."
"Are you friggin serious?"
"All right Johnny, right over there is a bunker, to the left is a couple of guys with guns, and thers a guard tower about a hundred yards behind that." "Thats it, cool this will be easy." about ten seconds later. "Ben, you didnt tell me about the tank, Ben, Ben!" "Dont worry, I'm right over here." "Ben your dead." "Oh, I just thought the crouch toggle was broken." Dialouge between me and my friend as we played some war vid' game.
"All right, you and you, take the left flank, you three, go for the right, and the four of us are going right up the middle." "John." Yes." "There's only three of us." "Mother f."
"Why do you insist on getting yourself hurt by me?"
"Guns are for last resort, use your fists first."
Favorite quotes (not self made):
"Command, we got four army infantry divsions pinned down on the bottom half of the island and there's two squads of marines running rampant on the north half. What the hell is going on?" By an anonymous army Field Commander.
"Yeah we're the marines, so dont f with us." an anonymous marine.
"How many bullets you got left?" "Enough." off of the movie MI-3
"Six and thirty, six and thirty." My dad, unless you're military or have an excellent background in hand to hand, you probably dont know what that means.
"Eagles dont flock, you have to find them one at a time." JROTC
My Read and Laugh Section of Profiel Page:
Drafting Guys over 60
--this is so Funny & obviously written by a Form ER Soldier--
New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.
If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. In the "New army" now, "Get down and give me .. ER .. One."
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back ck of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. Also, we won't get in trouble for mistreating prisoners.
We won't take any.
If nothing else, put us on border patrol...we will have it secured the first night!
Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so you can read it!!
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks
The IRS audits Grandpa!
The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him to the IRS office. The IIRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney. The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable.'
“I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay. Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and you'd be happy about it.'
This is pretty accurate. We had missions in Nam and spotted the enemy and had to call in for permission to engage. Most times it was denied. Thought the Marines, Seals, and Rangers would enjoy this.
Marine Corps Rules:
A man owns a barber shop and while he is in it waiting for customers, a man walks into the shop shosrtly before a small boy does. The barber, instead of immediately beginning to serve the man that walked in before the young boy says, "You know, that kid right there..." pointing to the boy, "...is the dumbest danged child I've ever seen, just watch.'
After saying this, the man pulls out a dollar bill and places it into his left hand and puts fifty cents into his right and holds both out. The boy that had previously entered the shop looks back and forth at both for a few seconds, takes the fifty cents, and walks out of the store.
"See, that kid has no darn sense." Exclaimed the barber.
The man that had entered the shop earlier gets his haircut and pays the barber. As he leaves the shop, he sees the same boy walking out of an ice cream shop from across the street, licking a large ice cream cone, and calls out to him to wait. The boy stopped and the man crosses the street and upon reaching the child says, "Why did you take the fifty cents instead of the dollar from the barber."
The young boy simply smiled and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game ends." And walked away, happily eating the large ice cream.
Navy SEAL's Rules:
US Army Rangers Rules:
US Army Rules:
US Air Force Rules:
US Navy Rules:
And the next... (You've got to love the military, and God bless them all.)
U.S. Navy Directive 16134 ( Inappropriate T-Shirts ) The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East . (It was obviously directed at the Marines.)
To: All Commands Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts
The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East :
The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive. In addition, the following signs are to be removed upon receipt of this message:
1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and
and then installed undesirable programs such as
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
First, keep in mind,
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML and try to download Tears
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
Below is an actual job application submitted by a 75 year old senior citizen to wal mart. They hired him because he was funny.
Name: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)
Sex: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (Or atleast one that will cooperate).
Desired Position: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatevers available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
Desired Salary: 185,000 a year plus a stock option and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If thats not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Last Position Held: Target for middle management hostility.
Previous Salary: A lot less than I'm worth.
Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reasons for Leaving: It sucked.
Hours Available to work: Any.
Preferred Hours: 1:30-3:30, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Do You Have Any Speacial Skills: Yes, but they're suited to a more intimate enviroment.
May We Contact Your Current Employer: If I had one, would I be here.
Do You have any physical conditions that would prohibit you from lifting up to fifty pounds: Of what?
Do you have a car: I think the more appropriate question here would be, "Do you have a car that runs?"
Have you received any special awards or recognitions: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House, so they tell me.
Do You Smoke: On the job-no! On my breaks-yes!
What would you like to be doing in five years: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
Nearest Relative: 7 miles.
Do You Certify the Above is True and Complete to the Best of Your Knowledge: Oh yes, absolutely.
(I decided to add this section after adding a video to youtube)
I added another vid to advertise a revamp/rewrite of the John Carter series. Better story line, some of the same stuff, some new. Tell me what you guys think.
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