One Woman Army
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 10-21-08, id: 1721891, Profile Updated: 05-10-13
Author has written 2 stories for Naruto.

UPDATE: 5/3!

And now I'm baaaaack! The Oneshot is proofsies! I will be taking up my writing of WSOOHSIOOMM ASAP!

UPDATE: 5/10

Where the hell is my oneshot?! I did NOT take it down. If this has happened to you, or you know why it happens, message me! >:(

Hello! I want to start by saying...I forget.

Oh, but here's this disclaimer...

I AM NOT A WHORE.

Ja! It was recently brought to my attention that writing all this smut might leave my morals to be questioned, but I have morals. *Blushes at the shocked faces* My morals are that crazy rumpy-pumpy is best enjoyed in a loving and stable relationship. So there. Gosh.

ANYWAYZ.

Call me Army!

Age: Timeless *Cough*17*Cough*

Favorite Color: Red

Favorite Food: Whatever will make me fat(ter), but I love gyoza and soba noodles, also fancy ramen, though I've never experienced this joy.

OTP: SasuNaru. I will go down with that ship.

!!!Random Facts!!!

I'm straight! Men are wonderful! Though I'm writing yuri, because sometimes it's irresistible.

I have a dog! I love Death Note! And I sometimes overuse exclamation points! Also I love Thorki, and ThunderFrost.

Sasuke is my forever. I'm going to find the most in-character cosplayer, throw him over my shoulder like a sack of flour, and then carry him away to my love den and @$% all the revenge out of him. Eheh. Just kidding...

The only canon pairing I'm really happy with is Dojo x Iku from Library Wars; Love & War. That's also my favorite shoujo manga.

I like baking. And cooking. I wish I was good at it.

Trivia:

RULES: You must fill out EVERY question! No skipping! Copy and paste this on your profile!

ARE YOU?

1. Perfect? Not even close. ;)

2. Tall? Yep. 5'10

3. In your pajamas? I usually stay dressed until I fall into bed and tear my clothes off. It's less sexy than it sounds.

4. Left handed? I'm almost ambidextrous, actually.

LAST:

1. Friend you saw: Do cousins count?

2. Last girl/boyfriend: Never had one. O///O

3. Person to text you: My mother. *facepalms*

4. Was today better than yesterday? No. :P

FAVOURITES:

1. Number: 5 or perhaps 9

2. Colour(s): Red!

3. Fruit: Cherries and persimmons! Yum.

4. Place: A nice climbing tree probably.

EIGHT EMOTIONS:

1. Are you missing someone right now? You can't miss someone if they were never there to begin with. SASUKE WHY YOU NO EXIST/!?!?!?

2. Are you happy? This will sound emo, but no. :P

3. Are you sad? Not exactly.

4. Are you bored? Always.

5. Heart-broken? Never in my life

6. Are you nervous? Only a lot.

7. Are you excited? ...No...?

8. Are you tired? Nope.

ABOUT YOU:

1. Real name? Can't say. ;D

2. Nicknames? Not really.

3. Eye colour? Hazel.

4. Zodiac sign? Libra, or if you mean zodiac like Chinese, I'm the boar.

5. Male or female? Female. Thus the woman part.

6. Slut? For Sasuke? Yes. For anyone else? No.

7. Smart? I'm on the opposite side of that spectrum, actually.

8. Hair colour? Darkish brown.

9. Long or short? Long. Pretty soon I'll be sitting on it.

10. Sweats or Jeans? Is this in public?

11. Phone or Camera? Phone is both!

12. Drink or Smoke? Drink; water! Smoke; only when I'm on fire. ;)

13. Righty or lefty? Righty.

FIRSTS:

1. First best friend? A girl named Lee-Anne. We may or may not have practiced kissing together... but I'm totally straight I swear!! (not that it would be bad if I wasn't but I'd be generally frowned upon by my family...T_T)

2. First crush? A guy waaaaaaay older than me that I actually confessed to. I was really little though so he thought it was cute.

3. First pet? A silvery little terrier.

4. First big vacation? *Stares blankly* Mount Rushmore probably?

CURRENTLY:

1. Eating? Nothing... is that okay??

2. Drinking? Water Because I'm addicted. I'm a freeeeak.

3. I'm about to: Turn on the fan, because I'm burning up. O_O

4. Listening to? A commercial, and a dishwasher.

5. Plans for today? Shower, probably laundry and then go to bed. Not necessarily in that order.

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

1. Shorter or taller? I really don't have a preference as long as they have the right attitude. I would be five or so inches taller than Sasuke, sooo... Though men who are drastically taller than me do throw me into a flustered panic just because of how rare they are.

2. Romantic or spontaneous? Probably spontaneous more than romantic.

3. Sensitive or loud? Sensitive. I'm a sucker for shy or grumpy.

4. Hook-up or relationship? Relationship.

HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Drank bubbles? What kind of bubbles we talkin' here? I ate soap bubbles as a child if that's what you mean.

2. Lost glasses/contacts? No, because I would immediately start running into things if I didn't wear them.

3. Ran away from home? No. I was seriously thinking about it for awhile though. I couldn't bring myself to leave my dog...XD

4. Broken someone's heart? Nope. :)

5. Been arrested? No. *Shifty eyes*

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

1. Miracles? To a certain extent.

2. Yourself? No.

3. Heaven? Unfortunately.

4. Santa Claus? Nope. My mommy was painfully disillusioned and didn't want to do the same thing to me. :)

4. Love? I think about it a lot. But I somehow get the feeling it's not for me.

5. Do you like someone? More like the thought of someone who *might* exist somewhere.

6. Do you believe in God? Unfortunately.

7. Answered the truth on all questions? Lee-Anne is not my child hood friend's real name. ;)

*Stories I plan on writing at some point in my life*

Is It Lust Or Envy?

Sasuke Uchiha is in the closet. And Itachi Uchiha is so not. Sasuke hooks up with a hot stranger at a cocktail party, who is apparently homeless, and then later meets him again. The only problem is that Naruto Uzumaki is now an escort, tied up and naked in Itachi’s apartment, and Sasuke is pretending to be straight. Straight guys get it on with other guys all the time, right? But what happens when Sasuke starts feeling more than lust for his brother’s bitch? SasuNaru. Rated M for so many yaoi lemons and kinkiness.

If you for some reason want to know more about me, feel free to ask!


Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Relapse by robovacation reviews
Arrogance. Wealth. Sex addiction. A virginal therapist helps a young addict cope with his sexual frustrations.
Kuroshitsuji - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 136,984 - Reviews: 2537 - Favs: 735 - Follows: 707 - Updated: 10/9/2013 - Published: 2/14/2012 - Ciel P., Sebastian M. - Complete
Not Good For Much by Cataclysmic Event reviews
Takes place after the Shinobi War. Sasuke-centric. Focusing mostly on his process of recovery. He always thought that things would be the way they were before when he came back, but...well, that was childish. Sometimes it takes a therapist, a weird kid, your best friend, and the girl you never loved to make you understand what matters. YAOI, NOT SASUNARU.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 14,667 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 9/23/2013 - Published: 6/1/2013 - Sasuke U., Neji H., Naruto U.
The Twins and Their New Pet by Hi-its-mick3y reviews
What happens when the twins walk into Micki's room to find him jacking off? A threesome does! WHOOOO! Bondage, dominance, threesome, dp, yaoi (ooooh the gay 3)
Ouran High School Host Club - Rated: M - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,031 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 14 - Published: 6/21/2013 - Hikaru H., Kaoru H. - Complete
Strange Pleasures by Torean reviews
Ch. 27: "You have to go slow," he breathed, pressing gently down on Edward's fingers. "You have to treat it like your lover."
Fullmetal Alchemist - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 27 - Words: 56,290 - Reviews: 396 - Favs: 201 - Follows: 118 - Updated: 5/16/2013 - Published: 11/29/2008 - Edward E., Roy M.
Play for Your Life by Magical Mistress Sarai reviews
:Temporary Hiatus: Naruto Uzumaki is the KBI agent in-charge of investigating: The Game, the largest serial murder case in the history of Konoha. People play for time, and every player is in for life. No one knows who controls "The Game", or how, but if you hear the rules, you're playing. How long you live is entirely up to you. -SmartNaru, violence, language-
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Crime - Chapters: 42 - Words: 56,942 - Reviews: 140 - Favs: 52 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 12/30/2012 - Published: 1/24/2011 - Naruto U., Sasuke U.
On the First Day of Christmas by keir reviews
HaruxKyou/KyouxYuki / Sequel to "Trick or Treat." Kyou sets out to give the happy couple a present for the holidays, but they also have something to give him. R for mansmexings.
Fruits Basket - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,189 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 16 - Published: 1/11/2012 - Yuki S., Kyo S. - Complete
I've Got More by VioletWylde reviews
Getting laid was not enough, I am determined to make him mine. Normally I wouldn't work so hard to convince somebody but for him I make an exception. Resisting was his first mistake - I will show him the error of his ways. Sasunaru. There will be lemons.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 18,933 - Reviews: 193 - Favs: 413 - Follows: 127 - Updated: 6/10/2011 - Published: 5/13/2011 - Naruto U., Sasuke U. - Complete
Left Field by Bullwinkle's Lady reviews
They could read each others moves better than they could follow the game. AU. SasuNaru.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,308 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/8/2011 - Sasuke U., Naruto U. - Complete
Alone in Our Room by VioletWylde reviews
I cannot help myself, this affair has me trapped but I make no effort to escape it. Sakura may have him in public, but in private Sasuke belongs to me and I give him my everything. SasuNaru. One shot. Smut.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,286 - Reviews: 62 - Favs: 189 - Follows: 22 - Published: 2/3/2011 - Naruto U., Sasuke U. - Complete
All is Fair in Love and War by jauntily reviews
It all started with one conveniently accidental text message to a certain Uchiha boss, and life for Hyuuga Hinata went straight downhell from there. Future Lemons; Sasu/Hina; AU
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,908 - Reviews: 84 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 100 - Updated: 12/2/2008 - Published: 9/28/2008 - Sasuke U., Hinata H.
Office Nookie by chibichibi k reviews
“I’ll hold you to that, Detective,” Shawn moaned. Shawn/Lassiter PWP Slash
Psych - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,119 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 155 - Follows: 14 - Published: 9/16/2008 - Carlton L., Shawn S. - Complete
Sweet Revenge by tinglingsensation reviews
Mori ruins a prank, set up by the twins. They take sweet revenge: HoneyxMori Rated M for sex and bad humor. Warning: Fluffyness! last chapter up!
Ouran High School Host Club - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 7,979 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 147 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 5/20/2008 - Published: 3/17/2008 - Hunny/Honey/Mitsukuni H., Mori/Takashi M. - Complete
The Cabin by dead drifter reviews
Yaoi. MoriHunny. KyouyaTamaki. Twincest. Ouran Orgy. The Host Club are vacationing in a cabin in the French Alps, but what's going on inside the cabin is much more fun than skiing down the mountains!
Ouran High School Host Club - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,702 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 242 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 5/16/2008 - Published: 3/1/2008 - Mori/Takashi M., Hunny/Honey/Mitsukuni H.
The Journal by xxpapercutxx reviews
Uchiha Sasuke, a man who has removed himself from human contact, has found a journal of a boy, Uzumaki Naruto. Can he fall in love with this boy he never met? Yaoi AU
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 32,424 - Reviews: 387 - Favs: 224 - Follows: 125 - Updated: 9/3/2006 - Published: 6/21/2006 - Sasuke U., Naruto U. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

You've Had This Coming reviews
Ino ravages Hinata in various ways. Oh, dear. That is NOT what the manufacturer intended that shower head for! And why do I smell lemons? 1% plot, 99% smut! A yuri oneshot, InoHinaIno flavor.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,494 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 10 - Published: 5/15/2013 - Ino Y., Hinata H. - Complete
When she's out of her shell, I'm out of my mind reviews
Ino is at college, and finally being open about her sexuality without worrying if her partner can handle the backlash; because she hasn't had one for three years. But when a certain Hyuuga becomes her roommate, can Ino help Hinata out of her shell without helping her out of her clothes? AU. InoHina, past InoSaku. Yuri. Don't like don't read. Rated M for later chapters.
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,440 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 12/21/2012 - Published: 12/16/2012 - Ino Y., Hinata H.