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Joined 10-27-08, id: 1726657, Profile Updated: 03-25-13
Author has written 17 stories for Twilight, Harry Potter, Little Women, Monk, Romeo and Juliet, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine.


My Favorite Funny Harry Potter Quotes/Excerpts: (From my friend LoonyLuna15 -check out her FF!)

- Philosopher's Stone:

Lee Jordan was finding it difficult not to take sides.
"So-after that obvious and disgusting bit of cheating-"
"Jordan!" growled Professor McGonagall.
"I mean, after that open and revolting foul-"
"Jordan, I'm warning you-"
"All right, all right. Flint nearly kills the Gryffindor Seeker, which could happen to anyone, I'm sure..."

"Your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they?" said Hermione as they got off the train and joined the crowd thronging toward the enchanted barrier. "When they hear what you did this year?"
"Proud?" said Harry. "Are you crazy? All those times I could've died, and I didn't manage it? They'll be furious..."

- Chamber of Secrets:

Fred and George, however, found all this very funny. They went out of their way to march ahead of Harry down the corridors, shouting, "Make way for the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through..."

Hermione, however, clapped a hand to her forehead. "Harry -- I think I've just understood something! I've got to go to the library!" And she sprinted away, up the stairs.
"What does she understand?" said Harry distractedly, still looking around, trying to tell where the voice had come from.
"Loads more than I do." said Ron, shaking his head.
"But why's she got to go to the library?"
"Because that's what Hermione does," said Ron, shrugging. "When in doubt, go to the library."

- Prisoner of Azkaban:

As though an invisible hand were writing upon it, words appeared on the smooth surface of the map. "Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business."
Snape froze. Harry stared, dumbstruck, at the message. But the map didn't stop there. More writing was appearing beneath the first.
"Mr. Prongs agrees with Mr. Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git."
It would have been funny if the situation hadn't been so serious. And there was more...
"Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."
Harry closed his eyes in horror. When he'd opened them, the map had had its last word.
"Mr. Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."

"Well...when we were in our first year, Harry-young, carefree, and innocent-"
Harry snorted. He doubted whether Fred and George had ever been innocent.

Trelawney: "Would anyone like me to help interpret the shadowy realms within their orb?"
Ron: "I don't need help, it's obvious what this means: there's going to be loads of fog tonight."

- Goblet of Fire:

Harry spun around. Professor Moody was limping down the marble staircase. His wand was out and it was pointing right at a pure white ferret.
"I want to fix that in my memory forever," said Ron, his closed and an uplifted expression on his face. "Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret..."

"Enjoying it?" said Ron darkly. "I don't reckon he'd come home if Dad didn't make him. He's obsessed. Just don't get him onto the subject of his boss. 'According to Mr. I was saying to Mr. Crouch...Mr. Crouch is of the opinion...Mr. Crouch was telling me...' They'll be announcing their engagement any day now."

Ron: "Who're you going with then?"
Fred: "Angelina."
Ron: "What? You've already asked her?"
Fred: "Good point. Oi, Angelina! Want to come to the ball with me?"

- Order of the Phoenix

"Who's Kreacher?"
"The house-elf who lives here," said Ron. "Nutter. Never met one like him."
"He is not a nutter," said Hermione.
"His life's ambition is to have his head cut off and stuck up on a plaque like his mother," said Ron. "Is that normal, Hermione?"

"Didn't you listen to Dolores Umbridge's speech at the start-of-term feast, Potter?"
"Yeah," said Harry. "Yeah...she said...progress will be prohibited or...well, it meant that...that the Ministry of Magic is trying to interfere at Hogwarts."
"Well, I'm glad you listen to Hermione Granger at any rate."

Dudley: "He Mark Evans cheeked me."
Harry: "Yeah? Did he say you look like a pig that's been taught to walk on its hind legs? 'Cause that's not cheek, Dud, that's true."

Mrs. Weasley let out a shriek just like Hermione's.
"I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!"
"What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?" said George indignantly, as his mother pushed him aside and flung her arms around her youngest son.

"Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.
His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage.
"Listening to the news! Again?"
"Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.

"Excellent." said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. "We've got about a minute, I think. We should get out into the garden so we're ready. Harry, I've left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry -"
"They won't," said Harry.
"That you're safe -"
"That'll just depress them."
"- and you'll see them next summer."
"Do I have to?"

- Half-Blood Prince:

"Do you remember me telling you we are practicing nonverbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me 'sir,' Professor."

"And that's Smith of Hufflepuff with the Quaffle," said a dreamy voice, echoing over the grounds. "He did the commentary last time, of course, and Ginny Weasley flew into him, I think probably on purpose, it looked like it. Smith was being quite rude about Gryffindor, I expect he regrets that now he's playing them - oh, look, he's lost the Quaffle. Ginny took it from him. I do like her, she's very nice..."

Talking about Inferi in DADA... "When we come face-to-face with one down a dark alley, we're going to be having a look to see if it's solid, aren't we? We're not going to be asking, 'Excuse me, are you the imprint of a departed soul?'"

- Deathly Hallows:

“I was awake half the night thinking it all over, and I believe it’s a plot to get the house.”
“The house?” repeated Harry. “What house?”
“This house!” shrieked Uncle Vernon, the vein in his forehead starting to pulse. “Our house! House prices are skyrocketing around here! You want us out of the way and then you’re going to do a bit of hocus-pocus and before we know it the deeds will be in your name and—“
“Are you out of your mind?” demanded Harry. “A plot to get this house? Are you actually as stupid as you look?”

"Ron, you know full well Harry and I were brought up by Muggles!” said Hermione. “We didn’t hear stories like that when we were little, we heard ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ and ‘Cinderella’—“
“What’s that, an illness?” asked Ron.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Missing You, Are You Missing Me? by VickyVicarious reviews
Fifth - and final - book in my TGIL series. Rob's POV of "Missing You". Contains dialogue from book.
1-800-Where-R-You - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 51,241 - Reviews: 620 - Favs: 232 - Follows: 272 - Updated: 3/8/2012 - Published: 12/30/2008 - Rob W., Jess M.
Star gazing by I want to be Jesse's girl reviews
Takes place at the start of Darkest Hour. Jesse and Suze fluff. Enjoy.
Mediator - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,364 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/26/2009 - Susannah S., Hector de Silva/Jesse - Complete
My Brother's First Date by TheSingingGirl reviews
Alice, of course, watched the entire meadow scene. She had to, just in case. Well, alright, so she was curious. And she had to interfere, just a little... Canon APOV
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 13 - Words: 22,482 - Reviews: 199 - Favs: 277 - Follows: 66 - Updated: 2/16/2009 - Published: 10/19/2008 - Alice, Edward - Complete
24 Things Emmett is not Allowed to do Ever by Lyn-Cartlascedemus reviews
The title tells you everything. Also instead of expanding on this list I am going to make a list of things each Cullen cant do. Ex: Edward is not allowed to, Alice is not allowed to, ect.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 496 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 11/24/2008 - Published: 10/15/2008 - Emmett - Complete
Transcript A11G: Todd Mintz by VickyVicarious reviews
Todd is interviewed by all of our favorite two Special Agents, and a secret comes out... Oneshot, fits in my TGILverse.
1-800-Where-R-You - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,183 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 2 - Published: 11/15/2008 - Todd M. - Complete
You Know You're Obsessed With Twilight When by Number-1- Twilighters reviews
You know you are! This is the list of things that us "Twilighters" do because of our obsession. Use it as your Twilight checklist. 1,000 reasons!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 40 - Words: 23,069 - Reviews: 792 - Favs: 195 - Follows: 111 - Updated: 11/5/2008 - Published: 9/5/2008 - Complete
Out of the Darkness by Shekiah Rosay reviews
Rosalie had been putting off the day that she would have to tell Emmett about what happened with Royce King. But when he finally starts asking questions, she gives in and tells her story for the first time. His reaction is not quite what she expected.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,987 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 9/28/2008 - Published: 9/21/2008 - Rosalie, Emmett - Complete
Sin of Omission by Satellite Falling reviews
There are five things Jesse will never tell Susannah--and one thing he will!
Mediator - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,780 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 7 - Published: 9/22/2008 - Complete
Valentine's Day by sugarhigh123 reviews
Takes place after the incident with Tyler's van. It's the week of Valentine's Day. What happens when Bella recieves 10 gifts with hints to who her "admirer" is thoughout the week? Edward's POV of this story coming soon!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 7,112 - Reviews: 135 - Favs: 92 - Follows: 39 - Updated: 8/26/2008 - Published: 8/12/2008 - Complete
Rosalie's Baby by Shekiah Rosay reviews
Most teenage girls love babies, but it seemed as though Rosalie's protection of Bella's child went a little deeper than normal. Why, you ask? Because Rosalie was pregnant, too.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Family/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,260 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 13 - Published: 8/21/2008 - Rosalie, Bella - Complete
Goodbye Mike by VampGrlz271 reviews
Mike attempts to get Bella away from Edward using beyond stupid and corny pick-up lines. Of course, it doesn't work. But why not read this anyway? :D
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,175 - Reviews: 72 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 24 - Published: 8/13/2008 - Complete
One Dozen Roses by Angel Ren reviews
Fluff! Again! Twilight, Valentine's Day. Three weeks after the Tyler's Van incident, Bella Swan finds herself on the radar for many a suitor. But who in the world keeps leaving her roses in the most impossible places? BellaEdward Fluffic! Series
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 21,671 - Reviews: 897 - Favs: 1,490 - Follows: 320 - Updated: 1/18/2008 - Published: 1/7/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
My Personal Valentine by ronOReds reviews
Forks High is running a special Personal Ad column in their newspaper! Can Bella, Alice, and Rosalie find their special someone in time for Valentines Day! ExB, AxJ, EmxR
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 31,085 - Reviews: 1265 - Favs: 1,679 - Follows: 442 - Updated: 12/10/2007 - Published: 12/1/2007 - Complete
An Imaginary Date with Bella by lbj reviews
Mike is in Biology and dreaming of a fake date with Bella. During Twilight before spring break, but while Edward and Bella are going out. One Shot that turned into more because people wanted me to finish it. Mikes POV Finished!
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,324 - Reviews: 229 - Favs: 153 - Follows: 59 - Updated: 5/11/2007 - Published: 5/5/2007 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

post trial b99
The fic follows the finale of Season 4. Detective Diaz is in prison but things may be changing. A scheduled Dance Moms viewing holds some interesting news for her. The first chapter of a story that will hopefully span multiple chapters and perspectives.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 771 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/31 - Rosa D.
Romeo and Juliet Love Poem reviews
This is a poem I wrote for English class. It's about Romeo and Juliet's love. Please read and review! Oh, constructive critiscism is welcome!
Romeo and Juliet - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 118 - Reviews: 17 - Published: 4/19/2010 - Romeo, Juliet - Complete
Emmett, Nessie, and the Monster in the Closet reviews
Nessie is being babysat by Emmett and runs to Emmett in fear when she says that she heard a monster in her enormous closet. What does Emmett try to do to help? Poll results are in!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,557 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 3/13/2010 - Published: 3/27/2009 - Emmett, Renesmee C./Nessie
Mr Monk and the trip to the zoo! reviews
Sharona plans a trip to the zoo with her son Benjamin. Mr. Monk tags along... They don't get past the fence without causing a ruckus!
Monk - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 476 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 1/2/2010 - Adrian M., Sharona F. - Complete
Of Flowers and Death reviews
Sorry . The title sucks. I had to choose one quick. Anyway, this is a poem about how Snape feels as he is dying. It talks about Lily a lot. I think it's me trying to prove to myself he isn't as compassionless as I always thought he was ;P
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 115 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 1/2/2010 - Severus S., Lily Evans P. - Complete
A Proposal reviews
You know that part where Laurie proposes and Jo says no? Yeah, that PISSES ME OFF! So, in this fanfiction, Jo says yes, just because I can make her do it *insert evil laugh*. No, seriously, it's a sweet story. Please read and review! One-shot!
Little Women - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 561 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 9 - Published: 11/25/2009 - Complete
Emmett's List of Annoyance reviews
with commentry from Emmett himself! Read and review, please!
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,479 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 6/14/2009 - Published: 3/7/2009 - Emmett - Complete
Jazz and Em go to the Supermarket reviews
Bella is pregnant and has a lot of wierd cravings. Jasper and Emmett are all helpful and sweet when they tell her that they’ll go buy all the food she wants for her. Problem is: they had no idea there would be so many kinds of food! COMPLETE! Yay!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 13,831 - Reviews: 194 - Favs: 124 - Follows: 47 - Updated: 3/21/2009 - Published: 1/26/2009 - Jasper, Emmett - Complete
Bloody Valentine reviews
What I think Edward would do if he saw that Bella was happy with Jake. I know he said that he would’ve just left her alone, but I don’t buy that. I think he would be really mad and irrational if he saw another man making Bella happy. 'Dark' Edward.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 867 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/14/2009 - Edward - Complete
That Day that I Die reviews
Edward's thoughts before walking into the sunlight in NM . My first Angst.One-shot
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 516 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/4/2009 - Edward - Complete
The Ride to the Meadow Edward's POV reviews
First Fanfic! This is the scene where Edward *sigh* and Bella are going to the meadow. Here's what I think was going through Edward's head. It starts a few hours before Edward arrives at Bella's house. MANY OTHER SCENES INCLUDED! Used to be a oneshot but.
Twilight - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 10,158 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 1/26/2009 - Published: 10/31/2008 - Edward, Bella
New Moon Poems reviews
These are three very, very short poems about New Moon. They’re about Bella’s thoughts and feelings and stuff. R&R please!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 164 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/14/2008 - Bella, Edward - Complete
Harry Potter and the Philospher's Stone Parody reviews
An HP Parody! It starts at the beggining duh and ends as they are on their way to Hogwarts. Please read and review. Status is 'Complete', but only for now. There's a very strong chance I will continue... we'll see :
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,109 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/14/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
I Think We Lost Nessie reviews
Em’s POV. Em and Jazz are given their first babysitting job alone. Yup and they totally mess it up! What are they going to do and how is Bella going to react? More importantly, where IS Nessie anyway? R&R PLEASE!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,534 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 12/8/2008 - Published: 12/7/2008 - Emmett, Renesmee C./Nessie - Complete
An HP Poem reviews
This is a poem about the Harry Potter books. I think that when I wrote it, it was mainly about Order of the Phoenix because it was when it had just come out. It's really short and won't take time... Plz READ and REVIEW!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 237 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/5/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Bella or Cinderella? reviews
All Human Oneshot. EPOV; Occurs in the late 1800s. Edward is Prince Charming and Bella is Cinderella. Better summary inside!
Twilight - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,253 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 13 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Edward, Bella - Complete
Emmett, FRIENDS, and the Lottery reviews
Emmett likes F.R.I.E.N.D.S! What happens when he realizes that he has never entered the lottery and decides to go for it. Why won’t Alice help him? There’s a silly list included. One-shot! Hope it makes you smile :
Twilight - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,830 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/29/2008 - Emmett - Complete