Malix2
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Joined 10-29-08, id: 1728287, Profile Updated: 10-18-11

Name: None of your business

Sex: Male

Location: Earth

Age: 24 as of sept. 2008.

Hi, I'm not really a good writer, so I probably won't be posting fics, but one good thing I'm good at is ranting. I'll post some here if that isn't against the rules. I sincerely hope nobody is offended in any way by my rants, and if you are, I apologize, maybe if you explain exactly why you're offended I'll try to rephrase them. These are just my personal opinions and whether you choose to agree or disagree is totally up to you. However, please don't get into long debates with me about opinions, or flame me with "You suck". If you have some convincing evidence that proves me wrong about my opinions, like showing sakura was a bitch to naruto when they were kids or something, please let me know, but don't base anything off of fanfics or a single scene in a single episode to try to prove to me that naruto was gay, that's just not gonna convince me.

Table of contents:

1. Character Exaggeration

1a. Naruto's childhood

1b. Sakura

1c. Kiba being a womanizer/pervert and wanting to claim Hinata for himself whether she likes it or not

1d. Hinata's shyness

1e. Gai and Lee's Youthfulness

1f. Sasuke

2. Giving Naruto a bloodline or super powers

3. Pairings

3a. Sasuke or Itachi x Hinata or Hanabi

3b. Hinata x Neji

3c. Naruto x Sasuke(or any other guy) Or pretty much any male on male pairing

3d. Naruto x Any Female Character

3e. ? x Harem

3f. Hinata x Non-Naruto

4. Going overboard with japanese/any non-english language.

5. Sharingan magically copying techniques

6. Demonic/Magical mating urge and arranged marriage laws

7. OOCness

8. Making things way too easy

9. Appeal to authors: Unfinished/Dead/Abandoned stories

10. Naruto fanfics and my opinions of them.

10a. Crossovers with mecha anime.

10b. Yaoi.

10c. Putting naruto characters in a non-combat universe.

10d. Naruto gets banished.

10e. Combining ninja and technology

10f. Time Travel fics

10g. Naruto as a father fics.

10h. Puppeteer Naruto

10i. Bashing

11. Naruto Kunochi and the more undercover missions

12. Relationship Limits

13. Mini-rants

13a. Hiraishin no jutsu

13b. Sticking to canon no matter what

14. Basically Chain Letters in profiles.

15. Anonymous? Dialog

Reviews

1.) Character Exaggeration

This can be either good or bad. Sometimes I think people go a little overboard with it though. I'm not trying to completely badmouth it, as in many stories it can fit into the plot very well. I just find it a bit ridiculous sometimes.

1a.) Naruto's childhood

OK, when does it ever say in the story that naruto was physically abused? All I remember it saying was that he was glared at or ignored or had shit said about him behind his back, never being attacked. Granted it could be just as traumatic as physical abuse. If anybody ever did attack him they'd probably be executed, yet so many authors have him beaten constantly as a child and them getting away with it. I guess it makes him a little more interesting, but its getting more and more common and I'm starting to think people have forgotten it was made up, and never actually said that in the story. They keep using the phrase "How is he still sane" and let's face it anybody who was abused as much as some authors claim he was they'd either be at least a little insane or dead, naruto or not. I almost think they enjoy torturing naruto as a child in their fics, making up preposterous stuff like beaten to an inch of his life several times a week for years, or like 1,000,000 assassination attempts. I swear sometimes I think each author tries to outdo the others in the number of assassination attempts and beatings before the age of 12. Maybe it was just the order I was reading fics in, but the number kept seeming to go up. I'm not saying it should stop, because it does add to his character, but stay within reason. I agree his mistreatment being young is mostly what gives him the ability to understand people's suffering and to get through to them. I don't think he would've really gotten through to inari, neji, or gaara if he had a nice happy childhood.

Addition 2/21/2009: Sigh, I'm starting to think authors beating the crap out of naruto as a kid is becoming standard. It's like here's the brainstorming process, we start when he's a kid, we put him in a situation where he's attacked by the villagers in the most brutal, vicious, and horrific way our twisted imaginations can come up with, and let's try to top the last story we read, it wasn't evil enough, which even though the chances of him realistically surviving it would be near non-existent, even with the kyuubi, he'll survive anyway and still somehow remain mostly sane and a good person, even though he should really go nuts. To the point where kyuubi is like "GOD DAMN! I've got to take notes for when I break out of here, I never even thought of that. These people are masters of evil." I swear, they seem him acting happy-go-lucky and stupid in the series and they think, "Hmm, obviously didn't beat him bad enough as a child, I'll fix that in my story."

1b.) Sakura

OK, lots of authors really hate sakura and turn her bitchiness dial up to 11. I agree at the beginning of the story she's really wrapped up in sasuke and has a bad case of fangirl-itis. Sure she might hit naruto from time to time, but generally he's acting stupid, or at least that's how she perceives it since she doesn't have all the facts. Also people don't complain about tsunade hitting naruto or jiraiya all the time, so why complain about sakura? Also people assume she's always beaten on naruto since he first approached her, and they never really say that. I mean maybe it was just his constant pestering for a date for years that she realized words wouldn't get through to him(even beatings don't really seem to work). You have to kinda admit, naruto was acting a bit of a fanboy over her(well, very minorly), you have to think that sasuke would have thought about beating off his fangirls with a stick, except girls have a way of getting away with that while guys can't. Also, pretty much almost all of the females in the series assume males are all perverts, and most of them are. I agree she would be far from my first choice for a pairing with naruto, but I don't she deserves all this hate.

Hating her for being a sasuke fangirl is almost hypocritical, because most of those same people don't hate ino, and she's the co-leader of the sasuke fanclub. The only difference is sakura was put on sasuke's team and thus we see more of her fangirl side than ino. You have to think, if ino was put in sakura's place, she'd be almost the same, only with her clan jutsu. If naruto was crazy about ino she'd probably hit him just as much.

If you need more convincing, I /really/ hate to make this comparison and please don't flame me for it, but if you switch roles around a bit naruto is in almost the same position as sakura, he's crazy(almost a fanboy) about a girl that doesn't return his feelings and likes another guy, and has someone else that likes him but he doesn't even consider her. Granted hinata's too shy to say anything and naruto wouldn't hit her if she asked him out, and naruto is at least friendly with hinata. But you get my point. Sakura may be a banshee sometimes and hits people hard at the slightest provocation(by her definition), but she shares those traits with ino and tsunade, and nobody bashes them nearly as much as her.

Anyway, I suppose to an extent if it helps naruto get over sakura it's ok to exaggerate her bitchiness, but many keep torturing her afterwards, instead of her realizing her mistake and it's too late and being depressed. I mean I'm just saying she's not as bad as sasuke, sakura never betrayed the village, she never tried to really kill naruto, and after sasuke left she actually tried to improve herself. It just gets a little ridiculous, they've done some pretty horrible stuff to her. What exactly is her crime? That she loved somebody who didn't deserve it or returned the feelings, and was somewhat abusive to and turned down the guy that did love her? That's not a crime. You love who you love, whether you regret it later or not. Is it really required that if the hero of the story loves a girl, they must automatically love them back or they're evil? That's just crazy talk. That's how I bet some rapists and abusive boyfriends or something justify their actions to themselves.

Addition 3/6/2009: Ok, I've heard some people still argue that sakura is physically abusive towards naruto, and by real world standards she may be, but what you have to remember is this is anime/manga, and that follows a different set of rules. I've lost count of the number of animes where the main lead guy gets repeatedly hit/beaten by the female character(s). If you need some examples, take ranma, as I recall akane takes a giant hammer to ranma and sends him flying headfirst into roofs a few blocks away. In Love Hina, pretty much /most/ of the girls beat the main guy(I can't remember the name off the top of my head) up over assumed perversion which isn't really his fault. The most common offender being Naru, and in the OVA I think they end up married. Men getting beaten up by women in anime is a running gag in several anime. Notice the characters beaten up are fully healed within a few scenes and never have any permanent injuries because of it. They might fear the female's wrath later on, but they're physically fine. Thus this whole excuse for saying sakura is an evil abusive witch is in my opinion ungrounded, it's not like she's ever pulled an anko and taken a kunai and cut naruto up. BTW, that's not an anti-anko statement. It's meant as comedy.

1c.) Kiba being a womanizer/pervert and wanting to claim Hinata for himself whether she likes it or not

Where the heck does this come from? Seriously, I don't even remember any hints for this. Other than him seemingly being part dog, which I don't think would explain it. They're probably thinking a guy acting like a dog usually means this, and thus I'm putting it under the exaggeration category. As far as I can see he seems supportive of hinata's feelings for naruto in shippuden, I think he even teased her about it once. My memory might be failing me though. Heck in one story it was like he was jiraya's long lost son or something he was so perverted, I have no idea where this comes from.

1d.) Hinata's shyness

OK, this is cute and all, but sometimes they take it too far. I mean stuttering with each syllable to the point where it's hard to read what she's saying. "H...Hel...Hello...N...Nar...Naru...Naruto-K...Naruto-Kun" and "H...e...ll...o...N...a...r...u...t...o...K...u...n" are an example of going too far with her stutering. It's one thing to do that every once in a while like "H-Hello N-Naruto-Kun.", but to put in a stutter every syllable is silly and ridiculous. Also, making her stutter in her own thoughts? If she really did that I'd start thinking it wasn't shyness but a neurological condition. Although, the jokes about her blushing and fainting are pretty funny most of the time. *faint* *wake up in naruto's arms* *faint 5 more times* yeah that's pretty funny. There was this one fic where the author joked about hinata being the first person to invent a stuttering jutsu after she kissed naruto and he started stuttering. blushing a new shade of red is pretty funny too.

1e.) Gai and Lee's Youthfulness

The rare exception, the more exaggerated the funnier it is. "Gai-sensei!" "Lee!" sunset genjutsu other characters shivering yeah that's always hilarious. They are a very good source of comedy relief. It has been the source of many, /many/ laughs for me. Like in one fic where they had them do their youth rant and "if I can not do this then I'll do that" thing to torture an enemy into submission in the interrogation room.

1f.) Sasuke

I can't count the number of times I've seen authors have sasuke go "I deserve all your power because I'm an Uchiha." I have not once remembered sasuke ever saying anything like that because he's an uchiha in the series. That's not to say he's not arrogant, but I'm guessing more because he's rookie of the year and anybody stronger than him is just one more step to surpass itachi. It's like most RPGs you beat weaker opponents over and over and then work up to the next strongest, and then the next, until you reach the boss at the end. He doesn't want to kill people to get stronger I have no idea where the whole "I will kill you to get your power." thing came from, he's not the highlander he doesn't get stronger from killing his opponent, if anything he'd probably work along side somebody to learn from them like he did orochimaru, and then either leave or if he really hates them kill them. And the way they portray him as a lazy arrogant idiot is just ridiculous, they make him so pathetic it's ridiculous. OK, don't get me wrong, I enjoy this from time to time, some of the bashing is downright hilarious. This is actually one of the few character exaggerations I enjoy. Still, I'm putting this in here to point out it /is/ an exaggeration. And where do people have him thinking "I'll just copy his power when I get my sharingan" is that to make him seem like an idiot who doesn't know anything about the sharingan other than what it's allegedly capable of? Read down further to read my interpretation of how the copy feature of the sharingan works. The idea that he'll use the sharingan to "Copy his power/strength" is ridiculous, if he could do that he could keep up with lee when they first fought. Sharingan only copies how they mold their chakra, or move their bodies, it doesn't copy the power behind them.

2.) Giving Naruto a bloodline or super powers

OK, I'm of a split mind about this. On one hand these stories are super cool, and I wouldn't want people to stop writing them for anything. On the other hand it does kinda go against what naruto stands for, he's supposed to stand for hard work trumps people who have their power given on a silver platter, yet that's what the authors go and do, give him power on a silver plater. Oh well, at least there's lee, but then some people do that to lee too. I do like stories where he works for his new powers from a young age those are good, like many of the puppet master naruto stories where he learns ninja puppetry, there he gets a powerful new ability with nothing but hard work. Still, like I've said, some of the superpower and bloodline stories are among the best I've ever read.

3.) Pairings

These are my thoughts about various pairings. In most cases I believe you can pretty convincingly pair naruto with just about any female character(I've seen it done before) Although some you have to change the course of events more than others. As for some other pairings, I just don't think they work.

3a.) Sasuke or Itachi x Hinata or Hanabi

Damn it, if you want to make up an excuse to combine the sharingan and byakugan at least make up some original characters, it'd be much more believable than this. The best most people come up with for this is a forced arranged marriage, and they just "learn to accept it". That's just a really sucky story in my opinion. Either that or they have to give the characters a complete personality overhaul to the point where they're so OOC that they might as well be OCs.

3b.) Hinata x Neji

Geez, what the heck? They are first cousins for god sakes. Genetically speaking, since they're fathers were twins they might even be considered half-siblings. Also, Neji tried to kill her! I mean he might of changed his ways after that, but still. Also, like the whole violence against naruto thing, they never really say that the clans practice inbreeding, it's something a bunch of fans just assumed. I don't remember seeing neji, hinata, or hanabi's mothers, so they could have very well been outside of the clan. If anybody has any evidence otherwise I'll admit I was wrong. This pairing is just creepy. Again, like I said in the sasuke/Itachi X hinata/hanabi thing, if you want an excuse to join the main and branch families, there are /many/ better alternatives that I've seen besides pretty much forcing a pairing to happen.

3c.) Naruto x Sasuke(or any other guy) Or pretty much any male on male pairing

Why oh god why does this pairing seem so frequent? Naruto is not homosexual! I swear if they're basing all this on that accidental kiss scene I'll be totally pissed. It was meant as comedy not as a hint they're gay. I can kinda suspect sasuke of maybe being gay, seeing as if I had that many fangirls after me, I'd be smiling. Then again it could just be because it makes such good humor. Then again maybe he didn't hit puberty yet and the hormones didn't kick in yet, who knows. Then they make other completely random characters gay that is just ridiculous. I don't want to sound intolerant, I'm not. It's just basically you're making them be massively out of character, can't you just invent a new original character for that kind of thing? That's almost like taking naruto giving him raven hair, the sharingan, and make him brood and plot revenge against his brother who killed his clan. You're turning them into a completely different character and calling them by the same name. While I do not read yaoi stories at all, period. I often wonder why the heck it almost always seems to be naruto/sasuke, why the heck is this? Even if naruto was gay(and that's a huge if), why the hell would he hook up with sasuke? Other than seeming to be the only other one that's insinuated to be gay other than orochimaru and kabuto? They've said in the series he sees him as a brother, are the people who are into narusasu into incest too, they might not be related by blood or anything, but if that's the feeling then it's close enough for me, but then again, there seem to be a bunch of hinata/neji stories too, so maybe they are. I've seen some naruto/gaara and some other pairings too, and at least I can kinda understand that on some level, both being jinchuuriki and understanding each other, although I'd still never read it. It's just not like other plotline or story elements where you can try it and you might like it, if you don't swing that way, that's it, you won't like it. I honestly say I don't hate homosexuals in any way, I don't really have any feelings at all towards them, why should I? I really don't care what they do in private, it doesn't affect me, nor is it my business, so I'm not butting in, but that doesn't mean I want to watch/read it, heck even some hetero scenes in movies and such make me uncomfortable, although mostly because they're trying to make the main character uncomfortable and tense, or they think they're being funny about sex or making the character embarassed, but they're not. I rented Extreme Movie a week or two ago, and I couldn't sit through it, I basically skipped forward through the whole movie, and it was just a bunch of perverted jokes that weren't all that funny, and were just awkward.

Edit 5/18/2009: I'd like to add something that I wrote in a review recently. A person's preference is their preference and nothing anybody can say or write can change it. Heck, some pure homosexuals out there are probably just as uncomfortable reading hetero lemons as I would be if I saw a homosexual one. This is my preference, and there's nothing I nor anybody else can do to change it. So the idea that authors are changing the preference of the characters without caring is I don't know aggrivating? I'm not sure what word fits. Just because they want it that way. Then again, authors are always changing lots of other things about characters, so why should it be any different, I'm just frustrated because there's just such a huge number of those fics, and they keep popping up in my searches even if what I'm searching for should be impossible with a male/male pairing. Heck, I searched for 'daughter', 'child', etc, trying to find some stories where naruto becomes a father and what do I find? A bunch of yaoi pairings with male pregnancy? I've finally just become fed up. That they would go so far as to change the laws of anatomy in order to make a pairing happen, and stories where naruto and gaara/sasuke have a child are more common than naruto/hinata it seems. Heck, even turning one of them into a female is better than mpreg. At least it's more believable.

Update: 07/28/2010 - What the heck is up with yaoi writers almost always pairing them with their rivals or enemies? I mean I've seen in a yaoi authors profile he likes naruto/sasuke, naruto/itachi, and harry/draco. Does somehow liking the opposite gender also make their feelings towards the other characters opposite as well? Does that make hermione and ron people he dislikes? Since everything seems to be opposite day in yaoi fics. I've heard there's a thin line between love and hate, but I seriously doubt that harry is suddenly going to decide to start making out with voldermort, even if he was secretly gay. It's just one more thing that makes me hate yaoi. I swear they authors don't know anything about homosexual relationships, I don't know either, but I'm /pretty/ sure that straight or gay, you get into relationships with people who you don't hate/dislike, and who haven't tried to kill you or do other nasty things to you. Most of these yaoi pairings I just know that in real life would end up on jerry springer or something because they're so disfunctional.

On a related note, there's the matter of turning male characters into females, and proceeding to pair them with other males. I have pretty much avoided these as again, I find them creepy. In a few rare circumstances I've learned to accept these types of stories, mostly only with secondary characters that they explain were always female only disguised for various reasons like protecting them from perverts or where they needed to be male to take a position of authority. Among these select few that I've learned to grudgingly accept are characters like Haku, being as even though he/she /said/ he/she was a boy, there wasn't much evidence of him/her being male and he/she looked like more like a girl to pretty much everybody, although I'm not one of those fanatics that insists he/she was female, I accept it either way because let's face it, Haku is a minor character that made an appearance of like 3 episodes, so we really don't know that much about him/her. Although with most main characters I just simply can't accept this kind of thing, as they've already been well established as being the gender that they are. Also I find it strangely hypocritical, I don't remember seeing any stories turning female characters into males. Not that I would want to see that either, just making an argument here.

Edit 05/28/2009: I think I may have judged this category too soon, I recently read a couple of these fics by accident and found they weren't as bad as I feared, fem-sasuke actually works if you do it right and make him born female under a disguise or something and reveal it /before/ he/she turns traitor. Also I don't generally like naruto/fem-sasuke in a exclusive pairing, I just don't think they're that compatible, I can definitely accept him in a harem with other girls, even just a threesome, but I can't believe that naruto would pick /fem-sasuke/ over all the other established girls. Maybe over the enemy girls, but not over the allied girls, heck even naruto/tenten would seem more likely. fem-naruto fics work again when he's born female under a disguise and /not/ pairing with sasuke, they also work when you pretty much replace him with an OC that would've been his sister had he been born(they still say fem-naruto in the desc, but I like to think of it like this to make it seem less creepy). Keeping the same name and personality and everything is a bit creepy, but if you change them it's like a completely original character taking his place in the series which I'm much more comfortable with. I've already stated that fem-haku works. Other fem-guy things probably don't work, yet I haven't read them so I'm going to hold off on judging just yet, unlike how I original prejudged this category. I'm still going to be a bit squeemish around this category, but I release it's not as bad as yaoi for me.

Then there's stories where they actually get a male pregnant, all I can say is WTF? Do you not realize how impossible that is? Not only does it make characters really out of character, but it defies the laws of anatomy, there is that whole made up story that naruto's transformation is special in that it physically turns naruto into whatever he changes into whether a girl or something else that many people do whether they're going to pair him with a male or not which I can almost accept that story seeing as the one time he turned himself into a windmill shuriken and was thrown and actually behaved like a shuriken would've, and when he did that combined transformation with gamabunta into kyuubi, but like I've said earlier naruto is straight and changing bodies wouldn't change that, that's like those stories where they get female ranma pregnant, just wrong.

You can keep writing these stories if you want(god knows I can't stop you), just /please/ warn those of us who don't want to read that kind of thing in the desc. Give warnings like yaoi or mpreg or stuff like that(which we can filter out the search results by putting yaoi in the without words box), don't let us start reading it and get halfway into it, and be like "WTF? Ewwww. Close. Close. Close. Is there a ban option so I never have that story show up on my screen again?" Seriously, sometimes I wish I could have a ban list to remove certain stories/authors from search results and listings, not just yaoi, there's certain authors that write about stuff I never want to read ever. It's just personal preference, many people love horror movies like "Saw", I for one hate them and have vowed never to see any "Saw" movies. Some people like Naruto x Sakura, some people think sakura should die a slow and painful death. Some people get off on feces, I for one would vomit(I know because our sewer is backed up and I've almost puked several times). I don't understand why some people like some stuff and I don't, I just do or don't. Some things people like or do are just beyond my comprehension to understand. I acknowledge this limitation, but no matter how much I try to open my mind, some stuff people do doesn't make any sense to me, then again, some of the stuff I do doesn't make sense to others, like carrying two sets of gloves with me, or do a more thorough job of doing something at work, even though it seems like wasted effort, which I admit some of it might be, considering it'll probably get undone within a few minutes if not by the next day.

3d.) Naruto x Any Female Character

I have seen pretty much every possible combination of naruto and any given female character, and the authors are usually good enough to give some pretty darn convincing reasons why it'd work. Naruto is the kind of guy that can be paired pretty much with any female character who is good/nice at heart. I've seen stories where he's pretty much paired with every single female character in the whole series, and they've worked. Naruto is just the kind of lovable guy that any girl could fall for.

Naruto x Hinata is my favorite, because it's been hinted at throughout the series, and if hinata would actually get enough confidence to say something, and/or if naruto got a clue, this could work. Also, I was the shy one in school, and I liked somebody and never said anything so I'm kinda rooting for her. I swear sometimes I think it'd take hinata getting drunk before she admits her feelings. Edit: Well, she admitted her feelings in the manga it seems, only took a freaking life or death situation in the middle of a big boss battle and invasion.

Naruto x Sakura has been hinted at a little in shippuden where her feelings towards him might be changing and she's actually become a powerful kunoichi, I suppose it might work, but I'd prefer naruto and hinata at least go on one date before that happens, just for closure, and for hinata to move on before this happens. In fanfiction, only if sakura does some major making up, or its an AU where sakura changes her ways early on. Also see my rant on sakura in the character exaggeration section if you have complaints about "sakura being a bitch". I'm not writing any fictions so no need to flame me about it.

Naruto x Tenten I've seen work in fanfics(but it'd probably not happen in canon, because they barely interact in the entire series) mostly because she more than most realizes the difference between a weapon and a weapon scroll.

Naruto x Ino - I suppose this works in fanfics, I mean Ino could mind transfer into his head and see the fox behind the cage, so she'd know the two were seperate. Not only that, but see how hard his life has been, so she grows to feel sad for him, and admire his strength.

Naruto x Temari - I don't understand this pairing too well. I mean the only things I can think of are that they're both wind elements, and temari would most likely not treat him different since her brother has a demon too, which I suppose works as far as fanfics go, considering other pairings are based on less. However, as I recall they've only met face to face twice, and the first time was like a minute. I suppose it'd be a good pairing in stories where naruto runs away from the village or gets banished, or temari is sent to konoha for some reason, but other than that you'd have to make something up, because it'd never happen in canon. I mean they live in seperate villages like 3 days travel apart(same problem with shikimaru/temari). Still, I've seen it work in many fanfics if they change events enough, and is very good. It all depends on the writer I guess.

Naruto x Kurenai/Anko/Shizune - The pairings with older characters are a little wierd, I've seen them work in fanfics, but I think they usually have to change events and naruto's character a bit. For anko they usually have naruto invent a way to remove the curse mark. For kurenai they usually have him prove he's not a pervert(well at least not a big one and gentlemanly). Shizune I don't see often so I can't remember what the heck the excuse is there.

Naruto x Any of the many girls naruto has saved - The whole knight in shining armor excuse usually works with these pairings. Like princess koyuki, or shion, or the various other females he's saved.

Naruto x Enemy Kunochi - This includes characters like kin, tayuya, etc. OK, these pairings are kinda like grasping at straws. Considering I don't think naruto has directly fought most of them. Most use the excuse he saves them from orochimaru(who would most likely kill them for failing). Most of the time I think it's just used to draw in girls early in the story.

Naruto x Other girls - This includes anybody else like Hanabi(Hinata's sister), Hana(Kiba's sister), etc. Most writers come up with some excuse for it, usually that naruto is just a really nice/cool/cute? guy.

Other guys x Girls - I haven't really seen that many other pairings that just scream compatible. I mean there's shikamaru/temari, but like I said in naruto/temari, they live in separate villages 3 days travel apart. Kurenai/Asuma happened in canon. And tsunade/jiraiya is a real cute idea. Other than that not a whole lot of canon characters scream compatibility with me, sure you could persuade it a little to make them work as a background couple in fanfiction, but almost none of them would be very good as a main pairing.

Like I said, I've seen every possible combination of female pairings with naruto, and they all get them to work somehow. I guess that might be because he's the hero of the story. Sure most of them are nonsense and would not happen and have not happened in canon. But that's what fanfiction is for after all.

3e.) ? x Harem
I have to say I really like harem fics. There are several reasons for this. Even though they might not be very realistic, but then again, this is fan fiction so why not? Some of them include:
1.) Generally speaking, most fics that only allow 1 on 1 pairings have one main pairing between naruto(or whomever is the main character in the fic) and one other character in the spotlight, and any other pairings are left in the background. Harem fics however allow for multiple pairings to share the spotlight, allowing for much more romance to be written. Along this same line, I still hate most harem fics where there is no romance, only a bunch of mindless lemons because the girls are under some demonic mating aura, or are forced into it through arranged marriage, I /hate/ that with a passion.
2.) With one on one pairings you have to pick one relationship over another, often leading to some pairings between whomever is left over, Like many fics where naruto is paired with somebody other than hinata have her paired up with kiba or shino, I don't know if they actually believe they'd make a good couple, or if it's just because there's nobody better left among the cast that's close enough to her to pair with her. Let's face it, hinata was written into the series as an admirer of naruto, to pair her up with /anybody/ else is not exactly a perfect pairing, and is basically settling for second(or third, or fourth, etc) best. With harem fics, you don't need to worry about this issue of pairing up whomever is left through process of elimination. You can just pair up several of your favorite pairings. I prefer naruto harems personally, and if I ever run across a sasuke harem, I swear I will probably /never/ read it, because I just don't see sasuke having nor deserving a harem, nor having a personality that'd allow him to love them all equally like naruto. I have seen some shikamaru harems which were pretty funny though.

3f. Hinata x Non-Naruto

I don't really enjoy hinata paired with anybody besides naruto. One of hinata's only roles in the series is to be the one girl who has always believed in and loved naruto instead of sasuke like most of the other girls. Heck I believe even the author mentioned that he was originally going to make hinata a civilian, but he decided at the last minute to make her a kunoichi. To pair her with anybody besides naruto goes against her very role in the series. I mean I'll read fics where she isn't paired with naruto, although I prefer she's just not paired with anybody, and her romantic life just remains unspoken. She might eventually get over naruto, but it's not going to be soon enough in a fanfic to pair her with another of the main characters. If I have to I'll acccept Hinata x Kiba or Hinata x Shino, heck Hinata x Lee might be a good one(if not a little wierd) seeing as how similar Lee is to Naruto in the aspect of what she admires about naruto hard working and confident. However, I will avoid any Hinata x Sasuke or Hinata x Neji or Hinata x Anybody else with a passion, the only other one I might accept is an OC that's similar to naruto. Unless I believe they can give her the encouragement she needs.

3z.) Other pairings

There are other pairings I haven't covered yet, mostly because I'm getting tired and would rather be reading fanfics right now. So maybe I'll cover them later.

4.) Going overboard with japanese/any non-english language.

OK, I've seen lots of people do this, they insist on translating stuff into japanese thinking it automatically makes it cooler. Or who fit in japanese phrases in the middle of their sentences. It just makes me think they're trying to show off, "Oh look at me, I know kage bushin and henge mean shadow clone and transformation I'm so smart". Then there's the ones that make their own original jutsus, translate them into japanese, then don't post an english translation. In my opinion if you're going to translate an english jutsu name into japanese, you should post the english translation right after in parenthesis or in an authors note(preferably the former so I don't have to scroll down to the bottom to figure out what it means then scroll back up to continue reading). Then there are those fan snobs that think if you don't know the japanese name of all the canon jutsus or haven't seen every episode in japanese fansubs or don't know lots of japanese trivia about their culture you don't deserve to call yourself a fan, they're as arrogant as an uchiha I swear, if not more so if you can believe it. I don't speak japanese, I don't remember most of the jutsu in japanese except for a few key ones, and frankly asking me to memorize dozens of phrases in a language I don't speak is ridiculous. When I do see a fansub I focus on the subtitle and not what they're speaking so I generally remember the english translation. There are some exceptions, like rasengan, sharingan, byakugan, etc(mostly because they use the japanese name in the english dub, and the english translation sounds stupid). But it ticks me off, because I used to be one of those people who didn't know all that, and I still enjoyed the show despite that.

5.) Sharingan magically copying techniques

OK, for all I know maybe it really does magically copy techniques, but my personal theory is that it just acts like a slow motion camera with the ability to see chakra flow and body movements easier. As far as I know it can't overcome physical limitations like strength, speed, stamina, chakra capacity, chakra control, elemental affinity, or bloodline traits. In my opinion it just lets you watch in slow mo and see how they mold their chakra, at which point with enough experience you can easily copy, heck that's how any other ninja learns a jutsu, they're told the handsigns and how to mold the chakra, and with practice they learn it. Kakashi and Itachi can probably only copy on the first time seeing it, just because they have years of experience and excellent chakra control. If it could magically copy techniques automatically, sasuke would've learned shadow clone before he left considering the number of times naruto's used it after he awakened the sharingan. Then again, he did copy lee's taijutsu, so that puts a bit of a hole in my theory, but then again maybe uchiha's have a photographic memory too, and I don't know if they ever commented whether it was a perfect copy or not, and then again, naruto copied the copy, so it must not be that hard to copy. I will admit the idea that the sharingan can magically copy jutsu has been very useful in several fanfics where naruto gets super powerful using the sharingan. I have also seen some alternate theories about how it works, and they are all good for the story they're in, but I prefer this explaination as it makes the most sense to me. After all, the idea of an eye having all the equipment to break down a ninja technique and program it into the body is rather far fetched, as not only would it need a complicated nerve cluster, but it'd also need a connection directly to the spinal cord or brain stem or something.

6.) Demonic/Magical mating urge and arranged marriage laws

I've seen only a handful of these fics, but they totally piss me off. They use the biju going into heat or something as a cheap excuse to make the characters have sex, and it sickens me. Also, on a similar note they come up with crazy laws trying to force characters to marry against their will. Both of these are nearly as sickening to me as rape. In fact, you might even be able to compare them to that act. The first is still basically forcing sex, and the later is forcing a pairing, which in the wrong hands could be used as an excuse for rape(I actually think it has been in some RL cults). Then again, writers don't always care about that sort of thing or think about it, they just want to make a pairing that wouldn't normally happen happen, or use it as an excuse to accelerate a pairing, it's essentially a cheat code for fanfics, but in my opinion it totally destroys any romance that might exist, and what the heck is the point of a pairing without romance? I've really got to wonder if these authors really think that the characters in question would live happily ever after after being put in that situation. If they did, they're delusional. Furthermore, in some instances they even make characters act totally against their nature. I also refuse to believe somebodies sex drive could be cranked up so high that their personality and will would be totally overridden.

7.) OOCness

Some might argue that Out Of Character-ness is to be expected from fanfics, and I agree. However only to a certain extent. Some people take it /way/ too far, and have them acting like totally different people that just happen to have the same name and appearance as the characters in the show. I mean if you took naruto, gave him the sharingan, gave him a brother that killed his clan, and had him brood about it and plot to kill him, that is just ridiculous, you've turned him into sasuke. I am not like most who complain about even the smallest amount of OOCness like making naruto smarter, or more powerful, etc. If he acted exactly like he did in the series it wouldn't be fanfics, but you have to draw a line somewhere.

8.) Making things way too easy

I've seen a couple authors do this, I assume they're new at it, and I can't exactly blame them, but it's boring.

I've seen authors write things so that somebody is talking to somebody and the other person instantly understand exactly what they're saying without further explaination or argument. Or have somebody slip one innocuous clue and have the main character figure out the biggest secrets in the series. This is basically the equivilant of somebody saying something like "I like pie" to luke in star wars in the original movie, and have him say "Hey! That just made me realize C3PO was built by my father, who must be darth vader, which must mean that leia is my sister, and that obi-wan was my fathers teacher, which means..." You get the point. In naruto fics they have other characters figure out instantly that naruto in a jinchuuriki of the kyuubi by him asking "When is my birthday?" Not even shikamaru could figure out things as fast as some authors make them.

Another thing, having character fall in love /way/ too easy. I've seen them like "I just met you girls, but I think I love you both, want to have a threesome?" "Ok, fine with us." "Oh, by the way, there's this other girl here that you've never met that I also think I love, can she join in?" "Sure." (proceeds to make out) Nobody falls in love that freaking fast, it's ridiculous. Then I've seen an author have a harem fic going and having all of them getting pregnant on their wedding night, having morning sickness the next morning(when it should take like 6 weeks minimum), then all going into labor at the exact same time, them all taking the exact same amount of time to deliver, and all having girls even though the odds against that would be huge. Luckily that author seems to take criticism well and has made great strides to correct their future writing.

Another thing that I've seen of several fics, they make naruto so super powerful that he beats all the major badguys in single short fights. While I've yet to see anybody have naruto defeat the likes of orochimaru with a flick of his finger, it seems sometimes like that is close. Without conflict or a badguy to fight, where is all the action? Unless you have much bigger badguys waiting in the wings, don't do that. Edit: 8/21/2011, Actually I do kinda like these fics, it is kinda awesome watching them pwn the badguys, although it does tend to make the stories short.

In closing, I hope I've made my point clear, the world doesn't work that perfectly, and trying to write fanfictions that way is just boring and annoying.

9.) Appeal to authors: Unfinished/Dead/Abandoned stories

OK, some people might disagree with this, but here is my opinion on unfinished/abandoned/dead stories. I have come across so very many(far too many IMO) cool sounding and interesting stories on this site, only to get to the last chapter and look up to see that it was last updated months if not years ago, and the author hasn't done anything since, I don't know if they have unexpectedly died or just lost interest. My opinion on this is for authors that are giving up a story to please do one of two things:

a.) Give the story up for adoption so perhaps some other generous author might continue it. This includes writing that it's up for adoption in the description so authors know. Heck if not adopt then at least tell them they can feel free to make their own story based on it, heck that's what fanfiction is, so why not make a fanfiction based on another fanfiction? I know there have been some really awesome fanfictions that I wish there was more stories similar to it, right now the only stories that do that are the result of a challenge. Anyway, if somebody does adopt the story, please post a chapter saying it's been adopted and pointing to the new story, so we know it's been adopted and can take your copy off the alert list and add the new one.

b.) This might be a little controversal, but I say if the story is not going to be completed by yourself or somebody else then just delete the story so it doesn't clutter search results and get some other poor souls interested in reading it and dying to know what happens next only to find out they'll never ever know, from my experience this is a really depressing and aggrivating feeling. I'd wager that a huge chunk of the stories on this site are abandoned or dead, and when I search for stories to read I never know whether I'll see the end of whatever story I click on unless it's marked as complete already. It wastes peoples time to read a story that doesn't have an ending, and it wastes storage space and bandwidth of the ff.net servers, probably not a lot seeing as it's all text, but still. It takes me approximately 15-30 minutes to read the average sized chapter of a story, if an unfinished story is say 4 chapters long, that's between 1-2 hours of my life I'll never get back, when I could watch an entire movie in that amount of time, I'll admit some stories can be a satisfying read even if they are incomplete, because they are divided into little mini-stories or arcs, but many of the incomplete stories have one major plot line through it and there is no sense of closure at all, let alone the stories where they only write the first chapter to try to get people interested, and when they aren't they don't bother deleting it, do they think if they let it sit for a few years eventually people will get interested again(granted I've found several stories a few years old and have wished they would be continued, but it's generally wishful thinking)? I have so many stories on my alert list right now, and I think probably more than half of them won't ever be updated, and it's killing me to think that.

Ideally, I'd love to search for stories and have it so all the search results are either completed, or are being actively worked on. Frankly, if they didn't include yaoi either that'd be awesome too, but that's a different rant.

10.) Naruto fanfics and my opinions of them.

These are my opinions on some common/uncommon naruto plotlines. I find that I like just about any naruto fanfic I read, but I've found there are some things that completely ruin a fanfic for me.

10a.) Crossovers with mecha anime. I'm sorry, but giant robots and naruto just don't mix, unless maybe it's some sort of humor fic, but they just don't mix well. I like both genre, but how is naruto going to use jutsu while piloting a mech? It almost completely replaces jutsu as the main form of fighting, in which case, why even bother doing a crossover if you're going to throw out the main elements of the series. Not to mention unless the badguys have mecha too, it's /way/ to imbalanced. You /never/ see the good guys use giant robots to fight enemies without giant robots unless the enemy is giant themselves. It's just not fair, and frankly if I wanted to see giant robot fighting I'd read a mecha anime fanfic and not a naruto one. I read naruto for the jutsus, if you can figure out a way to have them work in harmony instead of one replacing the other than that's awesome, if not, don't even bother. See 10e for more on the combining part.

10b.) Yaoi. Like in my previous rants, I just can't stand to read yaoi, especially since they seem to make it such a huge part of the story, I honestly have had at least 1 story completely ruined because of it having like total chapters made into yaoi lemons, I honestly tried to just skip past it, and just read the other part of the story that interested me, but it was useless. Let this be a lesson to authors, please mark lemons of any kind with warnings and indicators where it starts and stops, because there are some people who are just as opposed or more to even regular lemons. Heck, I might of actually liked that story if I could've not had to skim through the yaoi. I don't particularly care for yuri either, but I can at least stand it, even if I do just skim through it. I'm kinda tired of the stereotype that all guys fantisize about watching lesbians go at it, I don't, I mean maybe if they were bi and let me join in, but lesbians is like staring at something you'll never have. At least with straight you can imagine you're the guy, with lesbians you can't, unless you secretly want a sex change operation. What are some guys so arrogant that they think they can convert them or something, that's just ridiculous. Anyway, I should end this right here, I'm getting into potential flame territory here, also some people might not want to read about this.

Edit: 8/24/2011: Ok, this is freaking ridiculous! I've been trying to find some new naruto fanfics to read, so I'm looking through the naruto section in order of update date, and 15-20 of the first 25 results are freaking YAOI! Many of them making absolutely no sense! What the hell is happening here? Is there some sort of conspiracy to churn out as many yaoi fics as possible? Not only that, but most are naruto/sasuke, I mean WTF, I don't remember any recent chapters in the manga which could have set off this tidal wave, where I'm now drowning in them. Make it stop already! Or at least put out more straight or no-pairing fics to balance things out. I /really/ wish that ff_net would implement something to filter out male/male fics. If I just didn't have to drown in them in the search results I wouldn't care. Also, why the heck do YAOI writers seem to /insist/ that naru/sasu makes a good pairing? Like naruto /has/ to be romantically attracted to him otherwise he wouldn't go through all this trouble? Do they not get the whole idea of naruto's character? He'd go through all this for /any/ of his friends. That's part of who he is. Once somebody becomes his friend, he'll go through hell to save them, even from themselves.

10c.) Putting naruto characters in a non-combat universe. This includes stories where they make naruto characters people in highschool, or they transport them into worlds where they don't have combat. I mean naruto characters without the need to use jutsus is just boring. I don't want people to get confused and think I only like stories with fighting, there are a few one-shots I like where they naruto characters are having a party, but that's the exception to the rule. I mean putting them in high school also generally makes them ooc, and non-combat universes I mean what's the point? Luckily these stories are few and far between, so they don't really bother me that much.

Edit 8/21/2011: I just recently saw a naruto fic listed that has sasuke as a shy fat kid in highschool with naruto as the cool guy or something. WTF! How the heck is this a fanfic? It's just an original fic using the names of naruto characters! If so, it doesn't belong on this site. It should go over to one of the original story sites, and they should come up with their own names. You can't just steal names from an anime and call it a fanfic.

10d.) Naruto gets banished.

I admit I really like these stories, as they are almost always interesting, I admit I like it when he also doesn't want to come back because he's happy. Although one thing I don't like is how so many of them are cookie cutter, about 95 percent of them follow the same formula: Naruto fails/succeeds in bringing sasuke back(most often after the valley of the end fight), and comes back and sakura acts like a total btch towards him for either failing or for hurting her 'precious sasuke-kun' even when he's hurt worse. Then the council calls him in and banishes him, giving him so much time to get out of the village, often sending people out to kill him after he leaves. I admit most parts of that are good, however the whole sakura thing gets really old, especially when they do that so naruto will be paired with somebody else like hinata, like naruto is so wrapped up with sakura that the only way hinata has a snowballs chance in hll with naruto is if sakura is a total ass, like I said in one of my other rants, that's insulting to the pairing, they seem to be insinuating that either 1.) Naruto is so brain-damagedly stupid that even if hinata confessed he'd still think sakura is better. or 2.) That hinata isn't as attractive as sakura. Both of which are false.

10d_a.) The Missing Hokage Challenge. For those that aren't aware of these, this is a challenge idea made by Perfect Lionheart(the writer of Chunin Exam Day, possibly the best fic ever!) where naruto gets banished after sasuke's defection/attempted defection like most banishment stories, and tsunade gets pissed and leaves with him since he was the only reason she came back to konoha in the first place, robbing konoha blind and doing a bunch of other really entertaining stuff leaving all of the jackasses begging for them to come back by the end. Go to his profile and read it for yourself if you're interested. As far as I'm aware at the time of writing this, nobody has completed a story for this challenge yet, but as far as they have written almost all are /really/ great fics, just because the setup is soo great. Unfortunately it seems that several of the authors who have decided to give it a try seem to stop at the point where the rules of the challenge don't map the story out for them. Basically they get the first few chapters, where they grab everything and leave the village, but few actually go beyond that and start adding their own original twists. It's a real shame because all of these stories have the potential to be incredible fics, simply by the rules of the challenge. It's just that some of the entrants either can't figure out something to do after he leaves konoha, or they give it up when it stops being easy. Such is the sad fate of most fics it seems. Anyway, I wish all the best to all the authors who continue to work on the stories of this challenge.

10e.) Combining ninja and technology

Note this is different than the whole mecha thing above in 10a. There are some fics that combine technology with ninja stuff successfully, mecha just replaces ninja techniques and is totally out of place, with mecha the machine is doing the fighting for you, with you behind the wheel, while other fics only use technology to enhance naruto's existing fighting ability. Fics such as these I really enjoy. Even/especially when they use chakra and seals and such to emulate technology instead of it just popping out of nowhere. Like one fic which is a crossover with Iron Man, where his suit is very similar to iron man's, only it was created by the people that created the chakra armor in snow country in the one movie. It makes it closer to canon than iron man's armor just popping out of a dimensional rift or buried in an underground bunker from ages past or some bull like that.

10f.) Time Travel fics

I love these fics, simple as that, where naruto uses future knowledge and skills/power to make things turn out better. Or those where somebody from the future comes back, like naruto's child comes back in time or something, I really enjoy pretty much any fic with time travel that I've found, if only they were easier to find and actually had the words 'time travel' in the description, searching for words like 'past' 'present' 'future' 'back' and the like return a lot of false results and they don't show nearly all the time travel stories.

10g. Naruto as a father fics.

I'm talking about fics where he either returns from banishment or his training trip and brings back a child, or where he adopts a stray child on a mission, and shows what a loving and caring father he can be and makes the girls swoon. I love those fics, I really do, if anybody knows of some, point them out to me. They are darn hard to find, each time I try to find them, I get back a bunch of search results with yaoi and mpreg in them, and it really ticks me off. Some of the ones I've found are:

The daughter of Naruto Uzumaki by BrownPaperBag51
Naruto's got a daughter! by guardian xela
Mai by Morningtheft
Giving What I didn't Have by Studebaker1960
baby yuna by maverick9871

10h.) Puppeteer Naruto

These are good stories, where naruto learns the puppetry technique through various means. I like it because he gets really powerful, but he has to work for his strength, it's not just handed to him by awakening a secret bloodline that he secretly had, or given to him by a divine/demonic being.

10i.) Bashing

I just had to mention this and this seemed to be the only section that fit.

10i/a.) Council - I /love/ council bashing and making sure they get their come-uppins. I find it's easier for me to hate the nameless faceless council than it is for me to hate individual characters. Also if you can out maneuver them legally using their own tricks against them and such so naruto can get his way that's all the better. Beating the jackasses at their own game is just so sweet.

10i/b.) Other characters - This includes sasuke, sakura, kakashi, etc. I do enjoy /good-natured/ bashing, like making fun of them, making them look weak, pissing them off, stuff like that, it's when it gets downright mean to where I start wondering if your more sadistic than anko and ibiki combined that's getting into less fun territory, when you take the characters who haven't really done anything /that/ bad like sakura(I'm not saying she's innocent, but she's not orochimaru), and you do stuff like one person put her under a genjutsu where she'd think every day was her wedding day and she'd get dressed up in her wedding dress and goto an alley where she would be continuously left at the alter. That's just freaking mean. Making them think they're getting what they've always wanted, and then take it away. I mean once /might/ be funny if she was particularly nasty in the fic, but /every day/, that's just /cruel/. When you repeatedly reduce them to tears that's just going to far.

That's all the fics I can think of at the moment, but there are many others. But I'd rather go and read some right now, then write about them.

11.) Naruto Kunochi and the more undercover missions

I don't really know how to phrase this in a title, but a few authors I've read have made mention of the fact that real kunochi often seduced or slept with their enemies. Honestly this subject in conjunction with the kunochi in naruto rather disturbs me and make me uncomfortable. If they were any other nameless kunoichi in another series or movie I wouldn't be so uncomfortable, but when I think of the naruto characters like that it just appals(sp?) me. I might accept anko might do that, maybe ino would seduce her enemy before killing them, not actually sleeping with them.

According to a wikipedia article I read (so its accuracy is debatable), in reality kunochi often did seduce their enemy in order to kill them with poison or the like. It didn't make mention of anything like information gathering, so I cannot comment. It doesn't say they actually slept with the enemy. Furthermore it states that they didn't just go undercover as prostitutes, but they were just as likely to go undercover as a geisha, entertainer, fortuneteller, or the like, or even just a household servent. Futhermore it states they were mostly trained in disguise, poisons, and using their gender for their advantage, with only the basics of close combat as a last resort, the kunochi in naruto were obviously not trained like this, since they go into combat regularly. Futhermore, the naruto-verse is far from reality, jutsus existing are proof enough of that, maybe based on legends of ninja more than reality, so why authors keep trying to bring reality into the picture, especially with such a touchy subject I do not know. I find it much more likely that they would bribe or hire real prostitutes for information gathering rather than waste the resource of a highly-trained kunoichi that could be used elsewhere, as information gathering missions would likely be long term, since they aren't exactly going to spill everything they know after sleeping with them once, that time could be much better spent putting those kunoichi on combat missions. I suppose I can accept perhaps them going on assassination missions where they might seduce their enemy, but kill them before they have to sleep with them, but honestly, real kunoichi seduced their targets because they weren't physically strong enough to go into outright combat with them and win, that is far from the case with the naruto kunoichi in most cases. I suppose there might be the rare circumstance where they need to get information from somebody without killing or torturing them, but it'd be rare, and would most likely have a volunteer for that kind of mission. The idea that all naruto kunochi will /have/ to go on that kind of mission at some point is hard for me to believe, and rather sickens me. Acting like the very fact that they /are/ kunoichi means they are /required/ to go on that kind of mission, is just ridiculous. Anyway, that's all I can think of at the moment, I may add more later. Edit: I just thought of another argument, if naruto kunoichi were really trained to do that, would the fangirls really be chasing after the boys, it seems to me they'd pay extra special attention to those classes and try to use them on their targets, they wouldn't be clumsily chasing after them. I also don't believe those classes come later on, because it seems to me if it was required, they'd have to start training them early to get used to the idea, to not have as many hang-ups about it. Thus, I believe if they were trained like that, sakura or ino would already have gotten sasuke before the end of the academy, maybe not slept with him, that's debatable, but at least interested, well unless all the bashers are right and he's gay, but that's a whole 'nother can of worms. I admit, this argument may or may not be flawed.

On the other hand, I could see perhaps a special department that might recruit from the dropouts from the academy, and train them to go on those kinds of missions, since they aren't strong or skilled enough for combat missions, they might be more suited for long-term infiltration and information gathering missions, and it wouldn't be such a waste of training as sending highly-trained combat kunoichi to whre themselves out. Granted they might train them for a few years before sending them on that kind of mission, until they're old enough, and to make sure they could at least defend themselves as a last resort. It seems to me, the ninja academy is more for combat-ninja than other kinds of ninja.

12.) Relationship Limits

I generally like almost any pairing in fics, however I have a limit to what I can accept. If you have to go past a certain extent to change reality(well the shows reality anyway) than it's not a good pairing. I have covered some of these in other rants, but I figured I'd summarize them here. Some examples of things that go past my limits include but are not limited to:

a.) Incest between close family members, I can find myself theoretically accepting /distant/ cousins, but stuff between siblings like itachi and sasuke or 1st cousins like hinata and neji are just creepy. Heck, I consider hinata/neji a sibiling incest pairing, I mean their fathers were twins with the same DNA, which makes them like half-siblings.

b.) Changing significantly personalities, genders, and/or sexual preferences of characters in order to pair some given characters together is just going too far, no matter what you do if you have to do two or more of these things in order to make a pairing happen it's going to be worse than other pairings where you don't have to change as much. The more you have to change the characters to make them compatible for each other, the worse the pairing is. You're basically turning an existing character into an original character, I'd rather see you kill off the existing character and replace them with one of your own rather than see this. If anybody can prove me wrong about this and point me to a fic where this is not true, if I find I like the pairing I may reconsider.

c.) Making up oddly specific laws that only seem to apply to the given characters to force them together. For example making somebody a slave to another character through some law when nobody else in the village is shown owning a slave. When the law pertains to something that might happen commonly, or seems like a total overreaction. Another example is making a law that if two people do something pretty harmless like I don't know kissing or found sleeping in the same bed(without doing anything) they suddenly are forced to marry. Or stuff like arranged marriages. Using /laws/ of all things to govern relationships in any way pisses me off. It's one thing to use them to force the council to have your way, like if they're already in love, but trying to use laws to force them together and then say 'oh they'll eventually fall in love because they have no choice' That's just aggrivating, I'd rather read no pairings at all, than a story with forced pairings.

d.) Magical/Demonic mating aura/demons in heat to force characters to bone the closest member of the opposite sex, this particularly gets me ticked, it make it a freaking smut fic instead of a romance fic.

That's all I can think of at the moment, but you get the idea.

13.) Mini-rants

This section is for small rants that are too small to be on their own.

13a.) Hiraishin no jutsu - Most fans know this, this is the fourth hokage's technique. Most people translate this as flying thunder god no jutsu, however in a handful of fics I've found what I've found to be a much better translation. Lightning Rod no jutsu, to me it sounds much closer to what the technique does, and explains the necessity of the special three pronged kunais, basically it makes him move like lightning, and the kunais are the lightning rods. Granted Flying Thunder God sounds more awesome, but it doesn't seem as accurate, then again, in the scheme of things, it doesn't really matter, and with the former translation, it allows for alternate versions of the technique. For example versions without the kunai.

13b.) Sticking to canon no matter what - This can get a little annoying, when you make the characters like a million times stronger, yet all the fights turn out exactly the same. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you should completely rewrite the series, that'd be a lot of work, and there's some pretty cool things that happen in canon, but when you leave it so the good characters still die, even when the characters are more than powerful enough to stop it, just so you can stick to canon is just ridiculous, when you keep all the bad things that happen in the series, when you could easily change them, it's just really frustrating to read. Also, rewriting entire scenes practically word for word what happens in canon, only to change one sentence in one place? It's wasting everybody's time, including yours. If they're reading naruto fanfiction chances are they know what happens in naruto's canon. I admit I've read a few crossovers where I wasn't at all familiar with the series it was being crossovered with(I've been reading a x-over with maximum ride which I had never even heard of before that point, and a few x-overs with various video games which I've never had the opportunity to play), but generally speaking, I don't think people are looking for random fanfiction for series they've never seen, I suppose it's possible they may have never seen the /entire/ series, but they probably have at least seen the beginning.

14.) Basically Chain Letters in profiles.

I have seen several of these, that read a poem or a list of really sad and heart wrenching things, that I really can agree with that things like domestic abuse, child abuse, racisim, and homophobia are all horrible, but the part where they demand that I repost it in my profile or somehow I'm a vile and evil person is just wrong. My profile is full enough as it is, don't go /demanding/ I copy/paste things into it, maybe if it was stored at one place and only had to post a link and it said something really unique, but I'm not going to repost everything I agree with, it's a waste of space, no matter how just the message is. Some people get very offended when you try to /GUILT/ them into stuff, even when they can agree with the underlying message. Accussing somebody of something they aren't guilty of, that they need to /prove/ themselves innocent by retelling the message is just wrong. That's not how the justice system works, and it's not how it should work. How much of a difference does it make anyway? I seriously wonder how many people read that and decided 'Oh I've been horrible, I'll change my ways' I'm pretty sure we can all agree these things are horrible, having a billion people have copies of it has little use unless it's put in a high traffic place, and even then it doesn't do much. I realize these aren't limited to just this site, they're all over the place, basically anywhere they can post stuff. Forums, reviews, comments, profiles, everywhere. It's why it gets so aggrivating. As well as some people's strange obsession with being the first one to post a comment even when they don't actually say anything at all that is the least bit useful as feedback, or for any real purpose at all. Some of them I can understand them, like the short little sentences that give little tidbits about yourself like "If you've ever done this, then repost" That might belong in a profile as it tells something about yourself. Copy/Pasting a whole rant on something that the majority of people agree on is useless. Like "Repost this if you're breathing right now." or "Repost this if you like to eat"

15.) Anonymous? Dialog

This is the really annoying thing where people do this:

"Hello."

"Hi."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm fine and you?"

"I'm good."

"Hey guys!"

"Hi."

"Hey."

etc.

Anyway, you get the picture, my question to you is, do any of you know who the heck is speaking there? I sure don't and I wrote it. Some authors have this nasty tendency to not do the simple thing of writing who is saying what next to the text, instead, putting character catch-phrases and speech styles into it to make you guess who it is by how they sound, although you can't possibly do that with everything that needs to be said. How hard is it to put exactly who is speaking next to what is being said? How hard is it to put "Person A says" or "Person B replies" or "Person C exclaims" or "responds Person D" before or after what is spoken? It's a really simple thing to do, and it doesn't force the reader to keep stopping to analyse the speech to figure out who is saying it so they can continue playing the scene out in their head. Some of us have enough difficulty with that without authors making it more difficult for us.

I'll post more rants as I think of them, which is quite often when I'm reviewing stories.

Reviews

I usually just review stories and stuff in their own reviews, but on the rare occassion that I find one to put in my favorites, I may post something here.

Chunnin Exam Day by Perfect Lionheart

I /highly/ recommend this fic. This is without a doubt the best fanfic I've ever read. The plot is that Naruto gets trapped in a time loop during the chunnin exams. Each time he passes one part of the test he moves on to the next part until he fails or dies, at which point he starts over at the morning of the written test(in this fic the forest of death is the day after the written test, I can't remember if that's how it was in the series, but it's too minor of a detail for me to care and it works wonders for the story.) Join naruto as he trains little by little day by day improving his mind and learning to sharpen his chakra control, learn new jutsus, and master new skills and trades. The only draw back is he can't improve his body as it just gets reset with the loop, and he can only learn from the people and scrolls/books around at the time of the exams, but he has to learn how to convince them to do it, luckily he has infinite redos. Along the way he pulls hilarious pranks again and again as he never has to worry about consequences, even death of himself or those around him. Which leads to some freaking /hilarious/ sasuke-bashing. He learns all about the people around him and himself. Eventually falls in love and has inifinite chances to make the perfect first date and have them fall in love with him over and over. And as of the point I'm writing this, it's still in progress, this is by far my favorite story to date. I wonder if the author realized when he started it, what nearly infinite potential he unlocked with such a seemingly simple plot device, it may end up being the longest running naruto fic ever(Well, not quite, but I almost hope it does, because I hate to see it end). Unlike some other stories like those one of my rants is about, naruto isn't given power on a silver platter here, he earns every bit of it through incredibly tedious training and research(probably several lifetimes/centuries worth). He'll still end up as a super powerful naruto, but it won't be solely due to a bloodline or power just handed to him. This is as close to a perfect fic as I have seen. It may be my measuring stick for other fics for the rest of my life.

maverick9871

This may be the best author on the site, he's written dozens of stories, I don't even know how many he's got. But it is not only quantity that makes him a great author, it is also quality, almost every story I've read so far has been pure gold. Second only to Chunnin Exam Day. Some of them I find questionable at first, but they always turn out wonderfully. Also, yet another reason he's great is his update rate, he updates several times a week, sometimes even more than one chapter a day. It's the fastest update rate I've seen, and he's kept it up near constantly since I first discovered him. The drawback is he tends to write M-rated fics, so if you're underage you might have to wait a few years to appreciate his writing.

Edit 06/12/2009: OK, he's still an awesome writer, but lately he's been updating less often, and he started a bunch of new stories without finishing his older ones(which in all honesty are better stories than the really obscure ones he's started.) I don't mean to discourage him, but when you have like 3 dozen incomplete stories, it's not time to start new ones. Again, he's still among the best writers on the site in my mind, but I just really wish he'd update more of his older stories, I've been waiting patiently for a while, and he said in his profile after he came back from his personal problems he had a bunch of ideas for them, but then he came back, made like 1-2 new chapter(s) for a few of them, and then suddenly added 6 new rather obscure stories and started working on them near full time. While I realize inspiration often takes you in different directions I hate to see any of his old stories die, and at this rate it might take 1-2 years for him to finish all the ones he's already got going. When he adds new stories I'm thinking great another masterpiece in the making, but when will he update the ones I've been waiting months for(which is pretty much all of them)

Edit 9/2/2009: Well, he did write some more since I last edited, I really love his ironman crossover fics(It's a two parter). Right now he seems to be having trouble with his computer, but hopefully he'll be back to writing soon. He has a poll going on his profile for which story his readers want to see finished first.

Bad Stories

Mating Season by Brightsyde

Disclaimer: Please note that the following rant is simply a way for me to express how much I hate this fic, and not license to persecute or flame the author to delete the story or get him banned or anything, I /hate/ people who do that, and even though I really wish this story would be deleted, I'm not going to step on anybody's creative license, and if I find out anybody has tried to do this because of this rant, I will track you down and hurt you, this is simply a warning to people to avoid this fic. Rant: This might be the worst story I've ever read. I generally hate flamers and I'd hate to think that's what I've become here. But I hate this story with every fiber of my being. The premise is that the kyuubi has gone into heat and is emitting a mating aura that is attracting every female around naruto, but he doesn't want to do anything with them because he wants to save himself, so he keeps running away and managing to escape by the seat of his pants. Now normally I'd say this would be a good source of laughs, and the first couple chapters are actually pretty darn funny. After that however it takes what I consider a darker turn. Jiraiya and kakashi conspire to sabotage his escape attempts and use it as research for his next book. Even going as far near the end as to drug him so that his mating aura will encompass all of konoha, and he either has to mate or /die/. At this point every female in the village tries to track him down and /rape/ him, eventually somebody actually /succeeds/ even though I was routing and hoping for the whole thing for him to get away somehow, considering through the whole thing he remains /totally unwilling/, even though the author leaves it a mystery who catches him, it doesn't really matter, because none of the woman had any feelings of love for him while under the influence(not even hinata really), they were a pack of horny animals, and he even reduced sweet hinata into a nymphomaniac slut that is the exact opposite of her character and even offered a three way with neji and then later a threeway with shino just so she could get naruto, she didn't give a care about naruto, and wasn't thinking with her heart at all, feelings of love and admiration didn't even come into play, it could have been freaking /orochimaru/ and they'd still be trying to get in his pants. If it was simply amplifying their own feelings for him I wouldn't have such a problem with it, but no romance what so ever, they were mindless zombies. Despite what the author and some of his reviewers /seem/ to think, rape is /never ever/ a laughing matter. If the genders were reversed and it was a female getting chased down by all the males in the village trying to rape her, /nobody/ would think it was funny. I find this extremely hypocritical. The whole story screams the wrong impression that males can't be raped because they should always want to have sex with anything female, and if they turn down the opportunity for sex they somehow and I freaking quote "Fail at life". This whole idea offends my principals at my deepest levels. It says to hell with love, lets write smut. I can't even express how much this story offends me. And before you ask, no I was never raped, and I don't even know anybody who has been, but in my set of morals the biggest crime anybody can commit is rape, there is absolutely no justification for it /at all/, it is truly /undeniably/ evil, and I defy /anybody/ to give any justification for it. Even /murder/ can sometimes be justified sometimes, which shows just how evil rape is. And I hate anybody that makes light of it. Sigh, it's such a freaking shame, like I said, I actually enjoyed this fic at first, it was funny because he actually succeeded in getting away at first, he was so close to getting away scot-free, and then they pulled out the cr.p, with the mate or die thing. I would have actually liked this fic if it didn't end so offensively, if he skipped that whole have to mate or die thing and being chased by every female in the village, and actually /being/ raped, I would've enjoyed it. Had he actually found some way of getting away like he wanted to, or if the girls didn't act like sex-crazed wh.res and acted out of love and naruto became willing, or if he cut his story short and made it so it all ended happily ever after. I could've really enjoyed this fic, if he had done just about anything different I would've liked this fic, instead of being so deeply offended, and that's what hurt the most, it started out as such a good and funny fic and turned into one of the darkest fics I've ever read, I can't remember /ever/ reading a fic where a character was /hunted/ down and /raped/. Some have had rape mentioned in them as an emotional struggle or something(although I generally avoid those fics), others mention rape, but generally either step in and save them, or kill the rapists in the most brutal way possible. To have any character male or female hunted down and raped is horrible, even if they don't remember it at the end, it's still horrible.

Once again, please refer to my disclaimer, as much as I hate this fic, I don't want anybody to go and try to get the guy banned or have his story deleted because of me... Unless it breaks some sort of rules for the site and should be deleted anyway, but I don't think it does, even as offensive as it is. But don't you dare go on a flaming spree, I hate flamers in all shapes and sizes, even when they might be justified. And no I'm not using reverse psychology or anything to cover my ass or anything I'm being truthful. DON'T DO IT! Just avoid the fic like the plague that's all. The whole thing makes me think it was written by a teenage kid who knows close to nothing about sex besides what their hormones are telling them. At least I hope so so maybe I could forgive them. I think I'll always be scarred by this fic, and I've already been extremely apprehensive about certain scenes in other fics ever since I read this one, I've all of a sudden become a lot more nervous and jump to the worst conclusion whenever I see the subject of sex without romance come up in fics afraid that it might turn out as bad as this.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Beginning a New Path by stargatesg1fan1 reviews
Massive crossover between Harry Potter/Buffy/Stargate/Star Trek Enterprise/X-Men/Fantastic Four/Iron Man/Highlander/Justice League/Underworld/Star Wars in that order. Full summary inside. Harem, Awesome power Harry. 850,000 words. 142 smut scenes.
Crossover - Stargate: SG-1 & Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 99 - Words: 979,535 - Reviews: 2523 - Favs: 1,650 - Follows: 1,351 - Updated: 11/26 - Published: 6/18/2010 - S. Carter, Harry P.
Tsukaima no Saito by ralf07 reviews
Saito was summoned by Tiffania before the start of the main series. Let us see how different the story goes if Saito being familiar with Halkeginia before being summoned by Louise. pre-canon. Harem? RPG style.
Familiar of Zero - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 25 - Words: 153,697 - Reviews: 313 - Favs: 388 - Follows: 364 - Updated: 5/23/2015 - Published: 5/6/2012 - Saito
Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality by Less Wrong reviews
Petunia married a biochemist, and Harry grew up reading science and science fiction. Then came the Hogwarts letter, and a world of intriguing new possibilities to exploit. And new friends, like Hermione Granger, and Professor McGonagall, and Professor Quirrell... COMPLETE.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 122 - Words: 661,619 - Reviews: 32685 - Favs: 19,746 - Follows: 15,907 - Updated: 3/14/2015 - Published: 2/28/2010 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Angry Harry and the Seven by Sinyk reviews
Just how will Dumbledore cope with a Harry who is smart, knowledgeable, sticks up for himself and, worst still, is betrothed? A Harry who has a penchant for losing his temper? Ravenclaw/Smart(alek)/Lord/Harry Almostcanon/Dumbledore Non-friend/Ron Harry&Daphne (Haphne). No Harem. Rating is for language and minor 'Lime' scenes.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 87 - Words: 490,097 - Reviews: 3036 - Favs: 7,334 - Follows: 3,022 - Updated: 10/22/2013 - Published: 10/9/2013 - Harry P., Daphne G. - Complete
Bakudo X: Life is a Game by RebukeX7 reviews
Crack with plot! 2nd in the LIAG series can be read alone! What if instead of Ichigo learning the Final Getsuga he learned a Technique that would make living life a game. Ichigo X femZangetsu Harem Time Travel!
Bleach - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 22 - Words: 58,408 - Reviews: 491 - Favs: 743 - Follows: 589 - Updated: 12/23/2012 - Published: 9/26/2011 - Ichigo K., Zangetsu
Oma's Choice by jacobds reviews
After saving the stone Harry is approached by Oma Desala, and is told that he is the subject of two different prophecies but one is currently blocking the other. He is given a chance to change his path and fulfill both destinies. Smart/Powerful Harry
Crossover - Harry Potter & Stargate: Atlantis - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 41 - Words: 206,427 - Reviews: 2757 - Favs: 3,975 - Follows: 3,247 - Updated: 11/18/2012 - Published: 4/28/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
The Sorting Hat's Stand by Landstradd reviews
What if the founders built in a safe guard to protect incoming students from abuse at home, in the form of the hat? How would the hat react to Harry's so called childhood? Rated for language and expected violence. As complete as it is ever going to get. Revised as another story.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 47 - Words: 176,231 - Reviews: 3715 - Favs: 5,632 - Follows: 4,935 - Updated: 6/24/2012 - Published: 8/14/2010 - Harry P.
Partially Kissed Hero by Perfect Lionheart reviews
Summer before third year Harry has a life changing experience, and a close encounter with a dementor ends with him absorbing the horcrux within him. Features Harry with a backbone.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 103 - Words: 483,646 - Reviews: 15495 - Favs: 8,898 - Follows: 7,806 - Updated: 4/28/2012 - Published: 5/6/2008 - Harry P.
A New Dawn by AlexanderD reviews
SG1, Atlantis, and SGU all work towards a brighter future. Past conflicts heat up more than imagined, and a long wondered question is answered. Ancients, Tauri, Asgard, Furling, and a few others thrown in. This ties up the loose ends the writers left us.
Stargate: Universe - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 74 - Words: 295,200 - Reviews: 1311 - Favs: 618 - Follows: 433 - Updated: 4/16/2012 - Published: 4/29/2011 - Complete
Commander Potter of the Starship Ascension by C.W. Smith reviews
The Next Great Adventure is closer then you think
Crossover - Harry Potter & Battlestar Galactica: 2003 - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 9 - Words: 48,689 - Reviews: 379 - Favs: 782 - Follows: 932 - Updated: 12/27/2011 - Published: 4/10/2011 - Harry P.
HOPE by BabyBoy349 reviews
For more than one race, the rebirth of the old shall bring hope to all...
Crossover - Stargate: SG-1 & Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 18,952 - Reviews: 208 - Favs: 683 - Follows: 879 - Updated: 12/18/2011 - Published: 4/18/2011 - Thor, Harry P.
Time Braid by ShaperV reviews
Sakura thought she was a capable kunoichi until she died in the Chuunin Exam. Now she's stuck in a loop, dying again and again while she struggles to understand her strange predicament. How hard can it be to pass one stupid test? Sakura/Naruto/Hinata
Naruto - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 203,939 - Reviews: 3363 - Favs: 5,401 - Follows: 2,734 - Updated: 5/20/2011 - Published: 7/5/2009 - Sakura H. - Complete
NU: RedX Rising by 26-Lord-Pain reviews
AU, Xover, NaruX Find Out . Naruto is betrayed by those closest to him. After stealing the Sacred Scroll he decides to leave the village once and for all and find himself a place to truly belong. An Ancient Jutsu in the Scroll may help Naruto do just that
Crossover - Naruto & Teen Titans - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 58 - Words: 578,485 - Reviews: 3150 - Favs: 3,723 - Follows: 2,083 - Updated: 12/1/2010 - Published: 7/27/2008 - Naruto U., Raven - Complete
Chunin Exam Day by Perfect Lionheart reviews
Naruto finds he is flung back in time and must repeat the entire Chunin exam over and over and over, until he gets it right and possibly saves Konoha in the bargain.
Naruto - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 77 - Words: 344,950 - Reviews: 14866 - Favs: 8,256 - Follows: 6,240 - Updated: 5/22/2010 - Published: 12/4/2007 - Naruto U.
Unified Theory by Bouncing Soul reviews
HP/Iron Man Harry leaves the wizarding world to take care of his godson Teddy. What happens when he decides to prank them, reshaping the world in the process? What happens when they decide to fight back?
Crossover - Harry Potter & Ironman - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 16 - Words: 47,494 - Reviews: 392 - Favs: 980 - Follows: 810 - Updated: 7/18/2009 - Published: 11/1/2008 - Harry P. - Complete
Balance by stargatesg1fan1 reviews
Harry is abused but overcomes to claim his place exploring the galaxy through the Stargate. Super Smart Harry. Resourceful Powerful Harry. Time-Travel. Some Reality Travel. Harry-multi Hermione Fleur Tonks Sam C. and many others . Advanced Technology. No uncensored, NC-17, Unrated or smut version of this story exists anywhere. This story is only posted on this site.
Crossover - Stargate: SG-1 & Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Sci-Fi/Adventure - Chapters: 18 - Words: 131,720 - Reviews: 499 - Favs: 1,961 - Follows: 783 - Updated: 5/17/2009 - Published: 5/16/2009 - Harry P. - Complete
Ground Hog Day by Rorschach's Blot reviews
Harry lives the same day over and over again.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,464 - Reviews: 278 - Favs: 1,878 - Follows: 475 - Published: 11/17/2006 - Harry P., Luna L. - Complete
Make A Wish by Rorschach's Blot reviews
Harry has learned the prophesy and he does not believe that a schoolboy can defeat Voldemort, so he decides that if he is going to die then he is first going to live.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 187,589 - Reviews: 10222 - Favs: 14,998 - Follows: 4,513 - Updated: 6/17/2006 - Published: 3/23/2005 - Harry P. - Complete