Author has written 2 stories for Harry Potter.
I am VeryStickyGlue and I'm a Harry Potter FanFiction author.
I hate cannon beyond book 5, and there are even some things I dislike in books 1-5. Any fic I write would not follow cannon as set by book 6 and 7. As far as I'm concerned, those books don't exist.
I have done some writing in the past, though not much.
I have a lot of plot bunnies around at the moment and the buggers keep breeding off each other. I've got ideas for several stories. I'm NOT going to start off all of the ideas I have like some people do. They would never all get done if I did. I'm going to have to pick one idea and run with it.
Anyway...I can't think of anything more write for the moment. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk about plot bunny attacks, lack of good Honks fics, climate change, anything you feel like really.
1. Hell On Lame Phrase
Ok, this is something that has been pissing me off for a little while now. I've been reading some 'Harry gets chucked in Azkaban for some reason or other' fics and every bloody one of them uses the phrase 'Hell on Earth' to describe Harry's time there. But they don't just use it. Oooh no. They use it again, and again, and a-fucking-gain! 'It was hell on earth!' few lines later 'You condemned me to hell on earth!' few more lines 'how could my friends send me to hell on earth?' I FUCKING HATE THAT LAME PHRASE! Fuck! I can't be the only person who gets annoyed by that, so if you do to shoot me a mail, let me know I'm not the only one.
15-6-2011 Update: To date, 8 people have mailed me saying they agree with me on this and 1 person mailed me saying I'm an idiot for reading 'Harry-In-Azkaban' fics in the first place.
2. Tonks' Status: Unknown?
Tonk's father is a muggleborn wizard! SO many people write her father as a muggle. Even some of the best stories out there have him being referred to as a muggle. This is a direct quote, spoken by Tonks on page 50 of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix by JK Rowling.
'Very clean, aren't they, these muggles?' said the witch called Tonks, who was looking around the kitchen with great interest. 'My dad's Muggle-born and he's a right old slob. I suppose it varies, just as it does with wizards?'
This is taken from the HP Lexicon.
Ancestry: 'Tonks' is considered a "half-blood" because her father was a muggle-born wizard.
Mother: Andromeda (Black) Tonks, who is the sister of Narcissa Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange.
Father: Ted Tonks, a muggle-born wizard.
3. I Care, Because It's Annoying
A term I often see misused, mostly by Americans, is 'I could care less'. Now when you say this it's about something you don't really care about. The one I have just read would be this '"What am I supposed to do now?" he asked. "I could care less." the goblin replied.' Now, most people would look at that and see no problem. But there is one. The line should be 'I couldn't care less'. Why? Because if you say 'I could care less' it means you could care less about it meaning you do care about it a little. Saying 'I couldn't care less' means you care so little about it you couldn't possible care about it any less than you already do.
4. 9,633 Different Fics, 1 Chapter Each, All About The Same Thing
Writers who bring out new stories that should have been submitted as another chapter in a previous story. I've seen several authors have stories in parts or of the same universe. That's fine. Sequels are great. The HP series is spread over 7 books. However the HP books are not a few thousand words long. I can't understand why people submit a new story that is just a continuation of some other piece they have wrote when it could have just been added as a new chapter. I'm looking at this one persons profile and they have six different submissions all under 5,000 words and could have just been a six chapter submission. If anyone cares to clear this mystery up for me, the message link is at the top of the page.
5. Overused, Useless Goblins
Griphook. Grip-fucking-hook. That fucking goblin pops up in 9 out of ten fanfics! Woo he took Harry to his vault in the first book! Yay! Go Griphook! Goblin taxi driver extraordinaire! Harry always seems to ask for this fucking goblin when he goes to visit Gringotts. Most of the time it's in an independent!Harry fic and the wonderful Griphook solves every single one of Harry's problems before Harry turns around and decides that this lowly, cart driving goblin that he knows nothing about (aside from the fact that he was the first goblin he really saw) is going to manage all of his accounts. That's like going into your bank and saying you want some prick from McDonalds to oversee your accounts. If he was an account manager would he be shuttling wizards to and from their vaults? No. He fucking wouldn't. Griphook can go kiss my ass. In fact, I may just put him in HPatFftL just so I can kill him off. Fucking asshole. Oh! I just thought of something else...If Griphook, as in a lot of fics, once again takes Harry down to his vault where Harry starts talking to him then it just goes to show how utterly fucking useless that goblin really is. Five+ years he's been assigned to take people to and from their vaults. That MUST be someone who would be good to manage the accounts of an ancient and noble house. Tell you what, how about making Filtch Headmaster of Hogwarts while you're at it? Makes about as much sense.
6. As The Stupid Authors Say
Incorrectly using 'As the muggles say' or some combination to refer to a saying that muggles would use. Now obviously muggles would say things magic folk wouldn't, but when people write something like the following; 'The muggles have a saying: ‘Patience is a virtue’.' it's annoying. Why wouldn't magic folk say 'Patience is a virtue'? I can understand something that would be purely muggle related but when it can easily be said by both worlds I find it annoying.
7. I Believe It Was The Great VeryStickyGlue Who Once Said "You're A Dumbass!"
People who put philosophical quotes at the tops of their chapters piss me off to no end. It doesn't make you look smart, just dumb. Any idiot can Google for a profound sounding quote. Spend less time trying to look smart and more time making your story readable.
8. Harrold, Harvey, Hadrian, Hanklebodooblydink...
Ok dipshits, the one is really getting on my tits. I don't know why, I don't know who started it, I don't know why people can't remember something that happened in the first book (and actually on the cover of every book in the series) that clearly shows what you are doing is wrong, but you fuckers still keep doing it.
Harry's name is HARRY JAMES POTTER and not Harrison, Harold, Harvey or anything else!
The books are not 'Harrison Potter and the Philosophers Stone'. When he gets his Hogwarts letter it's not addressed to 'Mr Harold Potter', when McGonagall reads out his name from the scroll during the sorting she doesn't say 'Potter, Harvey'. Quit calling him dumb shit like Harrison when his NAME IS HARRY. Harry is not something they shorten his name down to, it is his name!
Mostly people do it when trying to be formal. And I get it. 'Lord Harrison James Potter' does some impressive, but seeing as his name is 'Harry', it's just wrong. Please, stop doing it. It just makes you look stupid.
More than this, the character of Harry Potter often takes a beating in fan fiction. It moves a long way from the cannon portrayal of his personality. Removing his name just takes away the last link to Harry Potter that character has. You might as well admit that you've made a Gary Stu and be done with it.
9. Basic Math Skills
Can't say this is a rant really, just a minor annoyance. Most often Harry's bank statement comes out to XXXXX Galleons, XXXX Sickles and XXX Knuts. ...Why? If it's seventeen Sickles to a Galleon and twenty-nine Knuts to a Sickle, why does he always have so many Sickles and Knuts instead of them being changed up to whole Galleons? I don't know about anyone else, but my bank statement never tells me I have £XXXXX and 391p.
10. Redundancy In Relationships
'Boyfriend and girlfriend'. Am I the only one who thinks that's clumsy and throws you, the reader, off? Most commonly it's used in something along the lines of "Well he's just going to have to accept that we are boyfriend and girlfriend now." Doesn't that just sound wrong?
"Well he's just going to have to accept that we are a couple now."
"Well he's just going to have to accept that we are together now."
They sound far better, don't they? Smoother, flows with the sentence easier. I don't know what it is about writing but people seem to forget how they talk when trying to type up some dialogue. 'boyfriend and girlfriend' is just too cumbersome to use when talking and I've never heard anyone say they are together by saying they are now 'boyfriend and girlfriend'.
11. Minutes, Moments, Morons
A lot of people mix up minutes and moments. It is so annoying! A minute is 60 seconds. A "few minutes" I would say would be 3 minutes (a minute is obviously 1, a couple of minutes would be 2, a few seems to fit as 3 and '5 minutes' would just be said instead of 'a few minutes' if the author meant for it to be 5 minutes).
A moment I would class as a maximum of 5 seconds, maybe 10 seconds if the person has been completely and totally blind sided.
Having said that, people who put 'a few minutes' instead of 'a moment' are idiots. For example:
"This answer struck the conversations at the table dead for a few minutes, and put either thoughtful or amazed looks on their faces."
So going by what I've just said, conversation stopped around the table for three entire minutes. That's 180 seconds. That is a hell of a long time for a group of supposedly smart adults to be totally struck dumb. Seems kinda stupid, no?
12. Old man Old man Old man Old man Old man...
Calling Dumbledore 'Old Man' over and over and over again gets old and sounds really stupid. Every single Evil/Manipulative/Dark/Bad!Dumbledore fic does this. Harry will call Dumbledore 'Old Man' nearly every time he addresses him. The story I'm currently reading calls him 'Old man' no less than 7 times in 16 lines. Ridiculous. If you want to mock him, call him something different (and I'm not talking about plays on his name as those are stupid as well) or state that the character used his name in a mocking tone or something other than repeated uses of 'old man'.
13. Zambini? No, sorry, never heard of him.
There is no such character as Blaise Zambini. Please allow me to repeat that. Blaise Zambini is not a character in the Harry Potter book/movie/game series. Blaise Zabini however, is. I'm not sure which idiot first put the name as Zambini but like a virus, it's infected other fanfics at an exponential rate. Nearly half of fics that have the character get the name wrong.
There is no "m" in "Zabini".
15th of June '11 Fic Status
First I just want to say I'm sorry for not updating FftL. I have a number of reasons, none of which are really that good but they are the only reasons I've got.
First reason, I started writing that fic when I was in a happy relationship at a happy time of my life. When that relationship went to shit (cheating bitch), so did my enjoyment of a lot of things, including writing. Especially considering I was going to be writing a romance in between all the fighting and 'splosions.
Second reason, I got a job, then lost that job and got another job, then quit that job and went back to school while working a part time job, then finished school and the part time job and got a full time job. In short, my 'play time' got cut way, way down in favour of work, work and homework. Add to that family upheaval and I didn't have much time to myself.
Third reason, computer malfunction. I don't want to talk about this as it still pisses me off 6 months on. Suffice to say, I lost a lot of things including my notes and part done chapters of FftL and several other things I'd been fiddling with.
I would like to say I still am interested in FftL and I would like to write more of it. When that might be, I don't know. I promise I will try to write more. I sadly can't do more than that.