Author has written 12 stories for Bionicle, Legend of Zelda, Warcraft, Redwall, and Transformers/Beast Wars.
A message to my fans, readers, family and friends,
who I do not deserve, and, if it weren't for you,
I would not be here today to write this...
I've been a fool. An idiot and a fool, and I feel like I've let you guys down. I've allowed for the opinions of others to conflict with my own opinion about myself, and only now have I realize that it's affected me and my world. I wish that I had seen this sooner, I really wish I did. But if wishes were fishes, world hunger would not be an issue and the ocean would be overfull of tuna...so I'd best start explaining myself.
For those of you who don't know me, let me introduce myself. My name is Kerian...well, that's my pen name anyway. It's a name that's stuck with me since I first traveled to the wonderful world of the internet some seven or so years ago, and it's a name I don't intend to give up just yet. I'm known for being creative, my humorous nature, my tendency to be a bit of a recluse, and for my writing...
For those of you who do know me, you'd remember me for the innocent young writer that I was, who managed to grow, blossom, then wilt...becoming a bit of an asshole along the way. Yeah, I've been an asshole, and I'm sorry about that. It's taken me more than a couple of angry reviews about my work to realize that I've been becoming one...and I feel like I've victimized you guys somewhat as a result. I can't put into words how sorry I am, and won't even try. Words cannot put accurately into description the feelings of regret and remorse...I know, I've tried writing about it more than once.
Some of you may have known (or may not have) that throughout high school I lived in a country called Egypt, specifically in Alexandria. It's where I started writing my fanfics, and where I first began making real, lifelong friends and making readers happy. I complained A LOT about my life in Egypt when I got home in America, back to lovely little Idaho where I comfortably sunk my roots in and hoped to never leave for a long time, but in reality a lot of good things came out of my experiences there. Good things such as my friendships made, the things I've written and the people I've been able to please. There was a little motivation poster at the place I work where the muppet Kermit can be seen overlooking the sea while leaning on the post of a bridge, and it says "Be grateful for the bad things in life, because without them you wouldn't have noticed all the good bits in between." It's only now that I've finally understood that.
When I got back, I had a hard time being able to talk with people. Living overseas for as long as I did, in a country whose populace consisted of an ethnic group that stereotypically hated the guts of mine, it was pretty difficult trying to rationalize going outside and making new friendships and rekindling new ones, especially since I could still feel the same eyes burrowing into my skin, looking at me like I didn't belong. When I went to college, what friends I did make were exactly like me; misfits who didn't belong with the regular crowd. That wasn't a bad thing, and if it weren't for me reaching out to them I probably would have gotten very lonely very quickly. But it did contribute to some of my problems later on.
I had friends who heard I was good at writing and wanted to take a good look at it...but unfortunately for me they were pretty opinionated about the subject. They had already taken the step up to being more professional with their work, and encouraged me to try and do more original stuff myself. I'm sure they didn't mean it, but in my rather-differently-wired-than-the-rest-of-the-human-race's brain what registered was "your work isn't good if it isn't this," and I ended up taking it to heart without realizing it.
I have been struggling with a writer's plague for the last two years now. It's more than a writer's block; I realized that now. When a writer is never working on the same subject for more than a day and always has to start something new every other week, he doesn't have phases of writer's block. It's a sickness of the mind that's following like a cloud of annoying green gnats that gnaw at the conscious. Every new day brings a new idea, which ends in disappointment, discarded, or put in the drawer in the attic to gather dust. It's led me to live a lifestyle that was much different than the one I lived as a kid; different even to the reclusive life I lived in Egypt. Even then, I was willing to go out and do things despite being too lazy to otherwise do them...
It's been years since I've been able to pick up a story and work on it, but, oddly enough, I had a breakthrough not that long ago. I had realized for a long time that the person I was becoming wasn't someone I wanted to be, and I had been looking desperately for the cause so that I could find a solution to fix it. And the cause was surprisingly not what I had thought it was. I had been blaming Egypt, probably the best time of my adolescent life, on the person I had become today when in reality it wasn't until after I got back that things took the change for the bad. It was me failing to assert my opinion, assert myself for who I was, that led to my many months of misery and torment.
Well, now that's changing. And I mean it this time.
Today is a new day, time to keep moving forward. I've got the wind on my back, and a song in my heart. Sure, there will be some out there that don't approve of what I choose to write, but let me be the devil, the black sheep; the really bad egg. I'm gonna drink up, me' hearties, yo ho!
In short, dearest readers and denizens of Fanfiction.net...I, Kerian Halcyon, am back, and this time I'm here to stay.
Let's get writing!