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Author has written 4 stories for Twilight.
Please read at least until the end of this section! (Until the page break). After that is funny stuff, which rocks, but is not necessary.
Hey! We're two friends sharing an account cuz we both love fanfiction!
One of us is team Edward (Alice), and one is team Switzerland (Rosalie). Cuz 'Rosalie' likes Jake and all, but I don't want him WITH Bella or anything. So, the Edward side of Switzerland then.
Person 1 - Called "Alice": Hey Twilight lovers!! We heart you!! Wanna hear a really stupid joke? Too bad. :) I have written "Chatroom: Cullen Style," "EPOV the story," "Some Extra Fluff With a Cherry on Top," & "Alice's Assignments", and I am a dedicated reader of stories. Heart you all - keep loving Twilight!! Also, I am having writer's block for some of my stories, so if you could check them out and give me ideas, that would be great!! By the way, I am, like, obsessed with Bunny (see below). I would really apreciate it if you added him to your profile, printed him out and put him up around the house, gave him out to your friends, or if you did anything else to help him acheve world domination. Thanks! SUPPORT THE BUNNY!!
MUST READ!!Person 2 - Called "Rosalie": "Jessie Meets Nessie," "Notes Aloud," "Writing to Renee," and "I Won't Take You Back." I stopped responding to reviews because I get wayyyyy too many. DON'T STOP REVIEWING, though, it's just I don't have the time to say anything but "thank you." If I got MORE, though, I could make time... :)the one thing I hate is Jasper/Bella fics b/c that's splitting up the two best pairs in the history of the world (I'm Rosalie but Alice is still my fave), and besides: the whole point is Edward's self-control does Jasper have that kind of self control? I think not, have you READ New Moon??; I have been on fanfiction for a while (I made an account much later) and I have collected ONLY THE FUNNIEST stuff for my profile. It's all PG, and it's all hilarious. MUST READ.
If you read this, evil bunny won't kill you. Well, maybe he will. I don't know. I can't speek for the bunny...
This is a random thing, OK? Are you ready? Drum roll please...
dude sticking his tonge out!! Yayyyy!
Now it's time for copy and paste stuff! Yayyyy again!!
If you've ever had a really (and I mean really) obvious revelation, such as "my gosh, I get it, it's called fall, because the leaves fall from the trees!" copy and paste this into your profile.
If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly stupid, copy and paste this into your profile.
If short people will one day rule the world copy and past this onto your profile.
If you too are in love with a fictional vampire named Edward Cullenand are unashamed to admit it, copy and paste this to your profile.
If you've ever spelled your name wrong, copy and paste this into your profile
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands...and then copy and paste this into your profile.
If you're sick of seeing the "Copy and Paste" junk on other people's profile and just want basic info not "copy and paste" crap, copy and paste this onto your profile.
This is Bunny. Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination.
SUPPORT THE BUNNY!
Please check out our poll also!!
A random quote:
"I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end." Margaret Thatcher
In case I forget a disclamer at the beginning of one of my stories, here it is:
I don't own, nor will I ever own (I'm Alice - I know things):
- The United States of America
- Evil Bunny
- Rice Crispies
- The NFL
- a parrot named Benny
- a lot of other things
- A red mercadies BMW M3 (I can hope, I can dream, but I can't turn words on a page into a car - unless I become a writer and make a bazzilion yes I made that word up dollars)
So don't sue me!!
Uh oh! Too late! No, don't take me away! I'm too young to go to jail! I haven't even...no, I've done that...I've done that too...urrg - that too...aha! I haven't even played piano infront of one thousand people (not that I would do that anyway)!
I have just made this profile considerably longer. Oh, well.
Edward vs Normal guys.
A normal guy would say: “I love you Baby!”
Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Normal Guy would say: “You hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
If you die, a normal guy would find another.
As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Something everyone should remember: Emmett is the strongest. Edward is the fastest.But Jasper can sit alone in a corner and still make you feel jealous.
Jacob Black glared at the children dressed as vampires and he knew it wasn't right when he lied and told them there was no candy left. (haha, I love this one. I am SO Team Edward)
Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.
"To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target."
Do not run in the school hall, gliding is more fun.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.
I like you. When I rule the world, your death shall be quick and painless.
When you get caught looking at him, just remember he was looking back. Looking at who?
Always forgive your enemies- nothing annoys them so much.
You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.
I was gifted, but the psychiatrist took away my powers.
I used to be normal, until I met the freaks that I call my friends.
When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.
There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?
-Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS
"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."
- The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
- When there's a will, I want to be in it.
Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
I ran with scissors, and lived! (COOL!)
"Wal-Mart, do they like, sell walls there?" - Paris Hilton
I don't obsess! I think intensely.
It's funny until someone gets hurt, then it's hilarious!
Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.
Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good...(I thought I was dead)
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Suicide is Man's way of telling God, 'You can't fire me, I quit.'
A day without sunshine is...night.
When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like fire.
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to "magically wrap around" Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody! A rock would tear that shiz up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to havebeaten me withtheir paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "oh shiz, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you!"
There is no "I" in team but I do all the work anyways cause the others are too lazy...
I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.
If you don't like me, there is nothing I can do. Here's a newsflash Honey, I don't live to please you
'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUR! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!
Silence is golden; Duct tape is SILVER
I have the cape I make the whoosh noises.
When i walk past an automatic door and it opens for me, i worry that if i dont go through it, i might hurt its feelings
Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. How do you feel now?
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes, that way you'll be a mile away and have their shoes.
The statistics on insanity are that 1 out of every 4 people has some kind of mental illness. Look at your three best friends, if they're okay, then it's you.
"You cry I cry,You laugh I laugh,You jump off a cliff I laugh harder"
My imaginary friend thinks that you have serious problems.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels on consumer goods:
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's just a suggestion).
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)
On packaging for a Rowentairon: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands." (...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
THINGS TO DO AT WALL-MART:
1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.
3. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
4. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
5. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
6. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
7. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror.
8. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
9. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
10. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"
11. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
12. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"
13. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
14.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"
Hello Beautiful, it's 7:05 here in Australia, so please Hold On while I explain to you what happens When You Look Me In The Eyes. But Hey, We're Gonna Be Alright, because I'll Be Be Good to you. In Year 3000, you would be What I Go To School For and I'd always say Nick J Is Off The Chain because That's Just The Way We Roll. Now I'd Appreciate it if you Don't Tell Anyone, but I've got this Crazy Kind Of Crush On You, You Just Don't Know It. I wish I could trade places with Mandy just for 6 Minutes because I know we would be Inseparable, and then I could just Move On like the Games they play in Hollywood. But deep down Im Still In Love With You, and you still Got Me Going Crazy. I dont wanna be Just Friends, and I wish I was the Girl of Your Dreams. I'm Burnin' Up to be your Lovebug. I don't want Tonight to be a One Man Show, because all you ever say is "Hellogoodbye." We Got The Party With US, so I'll just wait A Little Bit Longer, because right now I Can't Have You. I know I may be the Underdog in this situation, so I'm Sorry, but I Am What I Am, so stop Pushin Me Away! I've been sending out S.O.S's hoping you'd help out some Poor Unfortunate Souls because I Wanna Be Like You. Now I know we're talking about the Kids Of The Future and it seems like it just may be Eternity before you would Please Be Mine but we can always take One Day At A Time. Don't Walk Away, because then I'll be Wrong Again. Now it is Time For Me To Fly, so Take a Breath, and Goodnight and Goodbye!
"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.” -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.
"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.
"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.
"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On a fireplace lighter.
"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.
"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.
"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.
"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.
"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." (but not normal mice)-- On a box of rat poison.
"For a limited time only." -- From a Rally’s commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.
"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.Murphy's laws:
Funny how just when you think life can’t possibly get any worse it suddenly does.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.’
Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Help I've fallen and i can’t...hey nice carpet!
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
The spontaneous rally will began at 1:45
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive
Life is full of disappointments, and I'm full of life!
Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Cheese… milk's leap toward immortality.
Lifes Tough, get a helmet
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Can vegetarians eat Animals Crackers?
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.
I’ve stopped listening, why haven’t you stopped talking?
How come you never see the news story Psychic Wins Lottery?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
It’s only funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s HILARIOUS!
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.
I got a lot of ideas. The problem is that most of them suck.
Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, Where the heck is the ceiling?
Don’t worry, they can’t hit us from this fa... -last words of a Civil war general
ERROR: Keyboard not found! Press any key to continue.
Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
According to a recent survey, 3/4 of people makes up 75 of the population.
If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.
We're not lost. We're locationally challenged.
If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?
Whoever said nothings impossible never tried to nail jell-o to a tree!
Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
It takes 47 muscles to frown and 13 to smile, but it takes 0 to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
The inventor of Crest Toothpaste passed away. Four out of five dentists went to his funeral.
Anyone who uses the phrase easy as taking candy from a baby has never tried taking candy from a baby.
You liveand learn. At any rate, you live.
I gave up junk food. It was the worst 10 minutes of my life.
Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better.
There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
It matters not whether you win or lose- what matters is whether I win or lose.
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
Employee of the Month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.
If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you- but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.
I had my car towed. There was nothing wrong with it- it was just cheaper than gas.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
A watched pot never boils, but it does get paranoid.
If you have any problem with this profile, write it on the back of a 20 bill and send it to me.
It’s great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who’s bald.
I’m not a geek – I’m a level 12 paladin!
You can buy a gun at Wal-Mart, but your 4th of July sparklers have to be smuggled through the state line.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.
If victory is too high to climb, take the elevator.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.
Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.
I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask Where have I gone wrong? then a voice says to me, This is going to take more than one night
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
Evening news is where they begin with Good Evening and then proceed to tell you why it isn't
I keep trying to kidnap Jasper but every time I try Alice is at his window with a bat waiting for me. How does she kn- oh...right
Keep smiling- it makes everyone wonder what you’re up too
I don’t mind if you sleep in class, but please do not snore, you are disrupting those who are sleeping
if nobody’s perfect I must be nobody
Remember there is no I in team, but there is an M and an E
I don't talk on the phone because I hear voices on the other end...
One day, I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me
Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.
"If you can't laugh at yourself make fun of other people".
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure
It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn
I'm not insensitive, I just don't care
I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?
I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it.
When the going gets tough, the tough get duct tape
I'm not clumsy! The floor just hates me.
Perfect men are only fictional. (Sigh, Fang, Edward)
There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled.
One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
I have more fictional boyfriends than you do. Beat that!
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 28 to smile and only 4 to reach out and slap someone.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
If you have read this far - congrats! You're more persistent than anyone I know!! :-)