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Author has written 6 stories for Pokémon, Harry Potter, and Percy Jackson and the Olympians.
I was once Mewtrainer. Obsessed with being weird and proving it. But no longer. I have expanded and matured since I first came to Fanfiction. Now, I am...the Warrior of Many Faces.
Categories I will read fics in
Books: Animorphs, Artemis Fowl, Bartimaeus Trilogy, Castaways of the Flying Dutchman, Children of the Lamp, Circle of Magic/Circle Opens/ Will of the Empress, Chronicles of Narnia, Cryptid Hunters, Ella Enchanted, Enchanted Forest Chronicles, Fablehaven, Harry Potter, Leven Thumps, Percy Jackson, Redwall, Underland Chronicles, Xanth, Young Wizards, Falcon Quinn. A number of others.
Cartoons: Disney, Jimmy Neutron, Justice League, Kim Possible, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Teen Titans, X-men, X-men Evolution. Maybe Young Justice in the Future.
Comics: Calvin and Hobbes, DC superheroes, Deadpool, Green Lantern, Justice League, Marvel, Runaways, Teen Titans, X-men.
Games: Pokemon (especially anything involving Mystery Dungeon or Pokemon Ranger), Super Smash Brothers Brawl.
Movies: Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl, Bolt, Incredibles, Meet the Robinsons, Monsters Inc., Monsters vs Aliens, Night at the Museum, Underdog, Zoom.
Conditions of this: Must be decently written, have good grammar and spelling, and not be romance-centric. Romance is okay, but I don't read stuff that's centered around it. Also, I prefer long chapters and little to no swearing when possible.
Crossovers: Love 'em, when in categories I enjoy, and when it matches the other conditions above.
Genius Movies, Books, Fics, etc
Don't mix this up with the above. There's good and there's genius. I'm listing what I believe is genius.
Canon stuff: Animorphs, Harry Potter, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Percy Jackson (or anything by Riordan, really), most Redwall books, Calvin and Hobbes, Incredibles, Meet the Robinsons, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon 2, The Princess Bride(movie), The Secrets of Nicolas Flamel series, Companions Quartet, Fablehaven, the Candy Shop War, Tennis Shoes Adventure Series.
Fics: World's Finest Vs. the Children of the Atom, by Kusco, and the sequel, A Perfect Storm. DC/Marvel. First is complete, second isn't.
The Best Seven Years, by Blu Taiger. Calvin and Hobbes/Harry Potter. Complete.
Ritz Knightly and the Demigods, by RurikoTsukuyomi. Percy Jackson. Ongoing.
Prey, by BobcatGoalieSW1. Bolt. Ongoing.
Bolt the Superdog: Origins, by Australian Chaos. Bolt. Complete.
Mission: Possible and A Glitch in Time, by GaDS2000. Kim Possible/Jimmy Neutron. Both complete.
Welcome to Fanfiction and Return to Fanfiction, by The One Called Demetra. Misc. Books/Fanfiction in general. Sort of, anyway. First is a complete oneshot, second just started.
Artemis Fowl and the Hogwarts Incident, by Singer la Chanteuse. Artemis Fowl/Harry Potter. Ongoing.
Pedestal, by Digital Skitty. Pokemon. Complete.
The Hogwarts Fanfiction University and the sequel, In the Keeping of HFA, by Meir Brin. Harry Potter. First is complete, other is ongoing.
My Quotes (Reference these without giving me credit for it at your own peril)
Irony is delicious, unless you have to eat it.
A commercial is nothing but a possibly entertaining lie.
"I'm going to go insane!!"
"It will be a short trip!" -me and my mom
"I'm shocked into speechlessness!"
"You have a funny definition of speechlessness." -my mom and me
You would do better to search for water in the desert than for logic in a five-year-old.
I'm not rationalizing; I'm creatively rearranging the facts to make it seem as if I am not doing anything wrong.
"Do, or do not. There is no try." -Yoda, Star Wars
"Life is pain, Highness. Anybody who says otherwise is selling something." -Dread Pirate Roberts, The Princess Bride
"We can solve this the same way we justify all of the plotholes and bugs in this game."
"How do we do that?"
"Magic!" -Artix and Main Character, Dragonfable
"Move the thing! And...that other thing!" -Vizzini, The Princess Bride
"No more rhymes now, I mean it!"
"Anybody want a peanut?"
"Argh!" -Vizzini and Fezzic, The Princess Bride
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." -Vizzini and Inigo, The Princess Bride
"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." -Inigo, The Princess Bride
"Mostly dead means he's slightly alive. With all dead...well, with all dead, there's really only one thing you can do."
"Go through his clothes and look for loose change." -Miracle Max and Inigo, The Princess Bride
"You said you were a man of your word."
"Oh, but I am. I'm only burning my half of the money." -Unknown Mob boss and Joker, The Dark Knight
"Silly me! I forgot the acid!" -Joker, The Superman/Batman movie
"Don't make me...hungry. You wouldn't like me when I'm hungry. No, that's not right..." -Bruce Banner, The Incredible Hulk
"It is time to clobber, is it not? Oh dear, I hope I got that right..." -The Impossible Man, Fantastic Four issue #176
"Look out for the Frightful Four!"
"Why, can't they look out for themselves?" -Mr. Fantastic and the Impossible Man, Fantastic Four issue #177
"Don't you-kaff- see it, clown? You're the only one they don't want. Everyone knows...Joker's too wild." King, Infinite Crisis issue #2.
"I killed you too quickly the last time." -Prince Humperdinck, The Princess Bride
"Beat it, or I'll call the brute squad!"
"I'm on the brute squad."
"You are the brute squad." -Miracle Max and Fezzic, The Princess Bride
"From now you may refer to me as 'Sid, Lord of the Flame'."
"Hey, Lord of the Flame...your tail's on fire." -Sid and Diego, Ice Age
"Steal from the rich and...give it to the cute cuddly wuddly forest creatures!" -Robina the Hood, Dragonfable
"There's no need to fear! Underdog is here!" -Shoeshine, Underdog
"It's a bird!"
"It's a plane!"
"It's a frog!"
"A FROG?!" -Unknown citizens and unknown crowd, Underdog
"I need health! and a pony!" -Deadpool, Marvel Ultimate Alliance
"Just tell me what secret you want to make sure I don't know, and I'll tell you if I already knew it." -Bean, Ender's Shadow
"I detected that she uploaded a number of files from our computer banks...They may know all the plans, sire."
"Y'see, this is why a hundred years ago we used to write everything down on paper. All you had to do was set fire to your lair and poof-now you have to blow up 18 billion dollars of equipment and STILL manage to screw it up." -Unknown monk and Brother Blood, Outsiders issue #5
"Thereyouare. Titansareintrouble. Signal'scomingfromLosAngeles. Couldn'tfindRobin. WonderGirlcanfly. ThoughtI'dcomehere. Needalift?"
"Uh...what?" -Kid Flash and Arrowette, Teen Titans issue #30
"Are you dead or are you alive?"
"It's a simple question. Are you dead or are you alive?" -Kid Eternity and Raven, Teen Titans issue #30
"If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected the expected?" -seen on a t-shirt
"Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids." -unknown
"There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary and those who don't.: -got a t-shirt with this on it for Christmas
“There are perhaps no days of our childhood we lived so fully as those we spent with a favorite book.” -Marcel Proust
"It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives."- Louis Hector Berlioz
"Flying is learning to throw yourself at the ground and miss."- Douglas Adams
"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?!" -Anonymous
The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do." -Anonymous
"The thing about pain is that it hurts." -Turnball Root, The Artemis Fowl Files
"...if the LEP did board my shuttle, they would not find whatever it is I am choosing to smuggle. Which in this case is a jar of chocolate truffles. Hardly illegal, but the cooler is full." -Opal Koboi, Artemis Fowl: the Opal Deception
"Early to bed and early to rise makes a man stupid and blind in the eyes." -Mazer Rackham, Ender's Game
"Let us fight complacency! And let us proceed gingerly!" -Cresselia, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon 2
"I'm not in denial; I'm just very selective of the reality I accept." -Calvin, Calvin and Hobbes
"You've gotta reach for the stars, not for the ceiling."
"But the ceiling keeps you out of the rain." -Elliot and Sienna, Spirited
"The bravery of idiots is bravery nonetheless!" -General Staal, Doctor Who 2008 season
"This is the last time you make a fool out of me!"
"I made you a hero. The fool part you did yourself." -Titan (or should it be 'Tighten'? XD) and Megamind, Megamind
"La la la la la. Spring is in the air, and I'm a flower, with nothing interesting to say." -Slim, A Bug's Life
"Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs." -Opal Koboi, Artemis Fowl 6
"I haaate you! When I have the lemur, I will...I will..."
"Kill me in some horrible fashion."
"Precisely. Thank you." -Opal Koboi and Artemis Fowl, Artemis Fowl 6
"Don't you know anything about engines?"
"That's why I have a husband, so I don't have to. Engines and shelves, that's why men were invented." -Steffanie and Steffanie's mom, Skulduggery Pleasant
"Am I going mad?"
"I hope not."
"So you're real? You actually exist?"
"You mean you're not sure if you exist or not?"
"I'm fairly certain. I mean, I could be wrong. I could be some ghastly hallucination, a figment of my imagination."
"You might be a figment of your own imagination?"
"Stranger things have happened. And do, with alarming regularity." -Steffanie and Skulduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant
"The less you know about all this, the better. You're a perfectly normal young lady, and after tonight you're going to return to your perfectly normal life. It wouldn't do for you to get too involved in this."
"But I am involved."
"But we can limit that involvement."
"But I don't want to limit that involvement."
"But it's what's best for you."
"But I don't want that!"
"But it might-"
"Don't start another sentence with but." -Skulduggery and Steffanie, Skulduggery Pleasant
"This is your one chance. Tell me where the key is."
"No, only joking. Do your worst." -Serpine and Skulduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant
"I've been treated well. Apart from all the torture." -Skulduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant
"Cheer up, everyone. Since we're all going to die horribly anyway, what's there to be worried about?" -Skulduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant
"I wish you were right."
"Of course I'm right. I'm me." Valkyrie and Skulduggery, Skulduggery Pleasant
"The Grotesquery's gonna feed on you. That good ole boy's been down for the count - he's gonna need your blood in his veins. Gonna have himself a slap-up meal. You mind if I take pictures? Brought my own camera and everythin'."
"Knock yourself out."
"No, really, run headfirst into the wall and knock yourself out, because I'm telling you, you better be unconscious when Skulduggery gets here." Sanguine and Valkyrie, Playing with Fire
"How about you? Do you have any...romances I should know about?"
"Nope. Not a one."
"Well, good. Excellent. There'll be plenty of time for boys when you leave college and become a nun." -Steffanie's dad and Steffanie, The Faceless Ones
"You think it's a trap?"
"Either that or there's an emergency elsewhere in the city. Still, you don't look a gift horse in the mouth, unless of course it's made of wood." -Valkyrie and Skulduggery, The Faceless Ones
"I will say nothing further. Oh, except several more things." -Master George, The Journal of Curious Letters
"Mr. Johnson, I'm more confused than the Easter Bunny at a Christmas party." -Tick's father, The Journal of Curious Letters
"Eventually you will fail. I say this because the vast majority of those who receive these letters will do so, utterly. For those extreme few of you who may succeed, I will conveniently explain away this clue as a small typing error. For you, it was meant to say, 'Eventually you will not fail'. -Master George, The Journal of Curious Letters
"Cheer up, friend, much worse lies ahead." -Master George, The Journal of Curious Letters
"This thing really flies? In the air?"
"Where else would it fly, Einstein? Underground?" -Paul and Sofia, The Journal of Curious Letters
"Go on and act the fool, Spider-Man. That's all you are to me, another fool...who will fall before Menace!"
"Again with the name. 'Menace'? Let's be honest here. You're just another goblin, aren't you? And that's getting kinda old. I mean, c'mon, I've already fought four Green Goblins. Two Hobgoblins, three fembot goblins...gray goblin, demogoblin, future goblin...fried goblin, shrimp goblin, goblin on toast..."
"Aww! A little 'M'! You've personalized your stuff. How cute!"
"Wait! I've got it. From now on, you can be "Mock-Goblin". I'll mock you. And you can even keep your little monogrammed balls." -Menace and Spider-Man, Amazing Spider-Man issue #568
"This vessel is now under the command of...what are we calling it again?"
"You moronic monkey, you made up the name!" -Ultraman and Owlman, Superman/Batman Annual #1
"Hold the phone AND the mayo! You're ME, only without the lacerations and foreign objects!"
"Will you please just DIE!"
"Why do you hate yourself so much?" -odd version of Deathstroke and Deathstroke, Superman/Batman
"I have a terrible memory when it comes to secrets I don't wish to tell." -Briar, The Will of the Empress
"I hate to break this to you, sis, but...um, you're glowing."
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"What part of 'you're glowing' do you not understand?"
"The part where I'm glowing." -Whit and Wisty, Witch and Wizard
"This totally sucks."
"Much too optimistic. You always see the bright side, don't you?" -Wisty and Whit, Witch and Wizard
"There are two ways of getting home; and one of them is to stay there. The other is to walk round the whole world till we come back to the same place." -G.K. Chesterton
"I can't tell you everything. And you're going to have to be satisfied for the time being with what I can tell you."
"What if I'm not satisfied?"
"Then you'll still have to wait." -Linda and Jack, The Warrior Heir
"Why do you hate me so much?"
"As if you have to ask."
"Actually, I do have to ask. That's why I'm asking." -Jackson and Heathcliff, NERDS
"I've been notified by the police that a 13-year-old has been roaming the streets unsupervised. And I'm afraid you'll have to report to school tomorrow."
"Oh, I'm IN school."
"Uh-huh. And...do you have any followup comments to that?"
"...I'm...homeschooling...myself? And...I'm taking myself...on a field trip." -Schnieder and Earwig, Emily the Strange: The Lost Days
"So, what are you doing, riding the Red Rabbit all by yourself?"
"Sorry, I don't speak English."
"What? You sound like you speak English."
"Nope. I don't speak a word of English, and also, I have a speech defect, so if you don't mind, I'm going to sleep now." -"Normal Guy" and Earwig, Emily the Strange: The Lost Days
"You can never trust Wilford. He might be telling the truth." -Encyclopedia, Encyclopedia Brown Sets the Pace
"You didn't kill him. He would have killed you, but you didn't kill him."
"So? He was stupid. If I killed everyone who was stupid, I wouldn't have time to sleep." -Myles and Alanna, In the Hand of the Goddess
"What can you tell me about the Terrible House of Strood? Like, why's it called that?"
"Because it's terrible. Oh yeah, and it belongs to Mr. Strood." -Nin and Jonas, Seven Sorcerers
"I've got a plan. I just don't know what it is yet." -Nin, Seven Sorcerers
"So what's the procedure for something like this?"
"We get donuts. When in doubt, always get donuts." -two random city workers from an unknown Spider-Man comic
"Who's 'somebody'? And why do you think he can help you better than us?" -Councilwoman Parfrey and Spider-Man, Amazing Spider-Man #551
"Can't you guys go ten minutes without fighting?"
"No. We counted once. We can only go seven and a half." -Walter Sparrow and Vince, Alienated
"I don't need my powers to fight you."
"To fight me? No. But you're sure gonna need them to win." -Bombshell and Ravager, Teen Titans Vol. ? #71
Copy and Paste and other stuff
The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
It's so hard to find LDS people on here. If you are LDS, copy and paste this to your profile, PM me so that I know who you are, and add your name to this list: The Warrior of Many Faces, Blu Taiger.
I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile! (or if you laughed when you saw it.)
Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run away. He hates that.
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to "magically wrap around" Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody! A rock would tear that stuff up in two seconds.
'It's always in the last place you look' Well DUH! Because you stop looking after you find it! HELLO!
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
ERROR: Keyboard not found! Press any key to continue.
We're not lost. We're locationally challenged.
Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to nail Jell-o to a tree!
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in?
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
When life gives you lemons, make grape juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it.
Come to the dark side. We have COOKIES!
YAY FOR CRUMPLE-HORNED SNORKACKS! If Luna Lovegood is your favorite HP character and you believe in the Blibbering Humdinger etc, copy, paste, and put your name on the list: The Warrior of Many Faces.
If you try to beat away Wrackspurts, copy and paste.
OBITUARY FOR THE LATE MR. COMMON SENSE
Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn't always fair; and Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge). His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6 year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get Parental consent to administer Calpol, sun lotion or a band-aid to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason.
He is survived by his 3 stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else Is To Blame, and I'm A Victim. Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
Really Dumb Store labels:
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Too late!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (As night follows day . . .)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope.)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash.)
On artificial bacon: "Real artificial bacon bits". (So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)
One bright day in the middle of the night,
Pluto was declared no longer a planet on August 27, 2006, because it was "too small" and "off its orbit" for some scientists' likings. If you think Pluto should still be a planet, copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!!
Some say the glass is half full, others the glass is half empty, all I want to know is who the heck is drinking my water!
The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
37 Things to do in an Elevator
1. Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"
Type your name with your knuckles: the warrior of mkanmy fgaces. (It was working until I got careless...)
Type your name with your nose: 5tyhe waqrri0orbof manyb faces (Coulda been worse, I guess...)
Copy and paste if you think you can do better. (If anyone gets it right, let me know how you did it! Please? puppy-dog pout XD)
Has anyone else noticed that in Lightning Thief, Nemesis is the GOD of Revenge, but later is the GODDESS? How weird is that?
Labels are for cans, and in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a can!
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
It doesn't matter whether the glass is half empty or half full, just drink it and get it over with!
Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?
Have you ever wondered...
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouths closed?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Why is Donkey Kong called "DONKEY" Kong if he's a monkey?
If a bunch of cats jump on top of each other, is it still called a dog pile?
When a boy is named after his dad, he is called 'Junior,' but what do
If your name is Mr. Crunch, and you joined the Navy, would you eventually be Captain Crunch?
Or if you're Mr. Hook, will you be Captain Hook?
All things considered, insanity may be the only reasonable alternative.
Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts. And I don't really like nuts...either definition.
The Truth is out there. So what are you doing here?
You can never underestimate the stupidity of the general public.
If God had intended Man to smoke, he would have set him on fire.
What High School Musical has Taught Us
1. If you wish to show your inability or dislike for dancing, it's perfectly reasonable to break out in a dance number.
2. College? It's not important, as long as you can hang out with your friends.
3. If your love is strong enough, fireworks will go off, and lanterns will fly away as you and your boyfriend kiss.
4. Playing sports is a hint that it's time to break into song.
5. Don't worry about being rude/mean because in the end things will work out for you.
6. School spirit is a must. Especially during the summer.
7. Your friends are not human and should always be addressed by the name of their school mascot.
8. Yes! You can paint your locker pink! Screw the school board.
9. You can be a chef, lifeguard, or golf assistant...no experience needed!
10. A guy can never wear too much bronzer.
11. Lakes are the equilivant of mirrors. They can show your reflection perfectly!
12. It is possible to memorize a 3 minute song over the course of 30 seconds...and sing it perfectly!
13. It doesn't matter that you're not a staff member... You can still attend any and all staff events.
14. The phrase 'more moves than an octopus in a wrestling match' is something that can be used in everyday conversation
15. There are two bells that get you out of school. The first one tells you to start singing and dancing, the second announces you should stop.
16. Even though its the last day of school, its okay to leave stuff in the locker for the summer.
17. If your family is 'saving pennies' for your college education and gives you a junky truck to drive because they 'can't afford anything else', it is normal for their kitchen to have expensive granite counter tops and a 7,000 fridge.
18. Pianos can float now. Go ahead, try it.
19. It's perfectly acceptable for a guy to wear girl's capris.
20. If you're upset, just run through a golf course, jumping and spinning, while singing 'Bet on it'...you won't fall at any point, and no one will stop and think 'what the flip?'.
21. You can send telepathic messages to your mom to tell her to pick you up just as you're finishing your breakup song with your boyfriend.
22. A resort can be highly successful when there are way more employees than guests.
23. 'And she stepped on the ball' is actually quite funny. You just need to put it into context.
24. One family can apparently control an entire city, including all educational institutions in the area.
25. It's good manners to refer to your mother as a 'backstabber'
26. Turkey imported from Maine is much better than any other turkey. In fact, it's fabulous...
27. Apparently, it is now possible to hire an entire high school to be the staff at an upscale country club.
28. Iced tea from England is blue
29. Water Bug is a really cute, funny, and romantic pet name. -gags- Gah, my god, Rowsely...
30. Being a teenage paparazzi at school and taking multiple pictures of the same two people is not weird or creepy in any way
31 .When your girlfriend tells you that your shoes don't match your tie, you must do a stupid looking surfer move to see if she's right, you can't just look down.
32. Take two small saucepan lids and bang them together. You'll find they make the exact same sound as a large GONG. Go on, have a go.
33. It IS possible to have any object in the world come in pink & engraved with your initials.
34. If you are the basketball star of your school, you can get yourself, as well as the rest of the school, summer jobs.
35. Lava Springs apparently had no employees, since they had to hire a whole new staff.
36. Don't change your friends, change your dreams.
37. 'What team?' 'Wildcats!''GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!' can fix any problem.
38. Basketball scholarships at the University of Albuquerque depend completely on your musical performance skills
39. Guitars and speaker equipment can be placed near a pool safely.
40.When you frolic with your girlfriend in the golf course, you get in trouble. When you frolic by yourself and sing, nothing happens, of course.
Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity got framed.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
An idiot is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire their work.
Warning: trespassers will be shot. Survivors will be shot again.
If the world didn't suck we'd all fall off.
Mental Hospital Phone Menu:
Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital!
Please select from the following options menu:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mother Ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up our operators are too busy to talk with you.
If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.
How to confuse Trick or Treaters:
Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, “Trick or Treat!” Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, “Top Secret” in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, “It’s about time you got here,” give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, “Come in.” When they do, have everyone yell, “Surprise!!” Act like it’s a surprise party.
Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what’s wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural “whirring” sound. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don’t move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away. When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, “Crawl for it!”
When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.
Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
Answer the door with a mouthful of M&M’s and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don’t have any candy.
Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you’re finished
Copy and paste if you're still waiting for your Hogwarts letter to arrive, the owl just just got lost...
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. -Unknown
Reality is nice but I wouldn’t want to live there. -Unknown
(This is my own Evil Overlord list. Some of these are probably similar to what's in the original, but credit The Warrior of Many Faces if you use the following anyway, with the understanding that this list has been influenced by the original.)
I will not team up with another Evil Overlord with the intent to betray them. If I must do this for reinforcements or for their supplies, I will be sure to give them a luxurious guest room with colorless odorless poison gas pumped into it as soon as possible.
I will not team up with an Evil Overlord without the intent to betray them. Sooner or later I'll end up dead and the other Overlord will take my place.
I will not limit myself to magic only or science only. I will master both and continue my studies whenever possible.
I will design my weapons so that they never misfire, break, or backfire.
I will keep my subjects well-fed and satisfied so that they will not rebel against me.
After I have conquered the world, I will not reach for conquering the universe. Too much effort for such an unattainable goal.
If I ever try to make myself immortal, I will first read the fine print.
I will not disregard my minion's or lieutenant's lives...at least in front of them.
Anyone wishing to join me must submit to a full background check and will not be exposed to any useful information without years of loyal service. Also, those who would join me don't enter my Inpenetrable Fortress until their background check is finished and comes up green.
I will not take my minions from "Idiotic Minions R Us". Similarly, I will kill anyone who ever betrays sensitive information.
I will not double-cross my mercenaries. They don't like it.
Little kids aren't 'harmless'. Anyone who suggests otherwise gets a laser to the brain.
My minions will be required to completely memorize the layout of my Evil Fortress, so that they will not rely on the deliberately wrong maps that they must carry around.
I will have no Self-Destruct buttons. If I must have them, they will be labeled "Septic Waste Disposal".
I will build up an immunity to every known poison and a few unknown ones.
I will not stockpile all of my dangerous weapons in one place.
I will not demand cruel and unusual tributes from my subjects.
I will secretly spread propaganda that I am not, in fact, an Evil Overlord; I am the Benificent Overlord. Anyone who doesn't know what that means gets a free dictionary.
I will not sell my soul to the devil; why help out a rival?
If someone's working against me, I will not spare any effort to try to convert them: they will be killed on sight.
Any important buttons or levers will be duplicated several times, and only I will know which one actually triggers my machine and which ones just drop you into a crocodile pit.
I will not risk myself in open combat. That's what footsoldiers and grunts are for.
My lieutenants must have at least some intelligence.
If I have a pet monster, I will treat it with the utmost respect so that it will not eat me.
If I must monologue, I will give a fake plan so that they will go on a wild goose chase when they inevitably get free.
No clones. Too hard to control. I'll use android duplicates instead.
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