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Joined 12-03-08, id: 1759502, Profile Updated: 09-02-10
Author has written 5 stories for Artemis Fowl, and Maximum Ride.

Oh God: what to write, what to write...

Well, to start off, my name's Rita, and I'm 16. I'm what you call your typical psychopath. Ya know: random outbursts, urges to kill, ADD, that stuff. My household consist of two parents, and one cat (other cat R.I.P.) Quiet town, quiet life. Rarely ever anything more than a cat stuck in a tree to report.

I got a boyfriend. Tall, blue eyed, curly hair, cute. Don't know how, but he loves me. Been with him for a whole year now, and I wouldn't trade for nothin'. He's the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. Seriously, we're soul mates.

I took a long break from fanfictioning, probably gonna start again soon once I get back in the swing of it. Ill be writing anytime I'm not doing school stuff or chatting with my boyfriend...which takes up the majority of my time.


Aaaaand, time for this "insert in you profile" stuff...

You know your living in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they don't have a screenname or myspace

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

Things to do in an elevator

Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!" Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. Sell Girl Scout cookies. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator. Shave. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!" Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. One word: Flatulence! On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. Do Tai Chi exercises. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!" Give religious tracts to each passenger. Meow occasionally. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!" Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!" Leave a box between the doors. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. Start a sing-along. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" Play the harmonica. Shadow box. Say "Ding!" at each floor. Lean against the button panel. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." Bring a chair along. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?" Blow spit bubbles. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body." Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!" (Alright, this next one I added, and my brother's really done it.) Back up against the elevator wall and once the doors close cautiously slide around the edge humming the James Bond theme, and when ever the doors open freeze and close your eyes.

(='.'=) This is Bunny.
(")_(") Copy and paste Bunny into your profile to help him gain world domination

Month one

I am only 8 inches long
but I have all my organs.
I love the sound of your voice.
Every time I hear it
I wave my arms and legs.
The sound of your heart beat
is my favorite lullaby.

Month Two

today I learned how to suck my thumb.
If you could see me
you could definitely tell that I am a baby.
I'm not big enough to survive outside my home though.
It is so nice and warm in here.

Month Three

You know what Mommy
I'm a boy!
I hope that makes you happy.
I always want you to be happy.
I don't like it when you cry.
You sound so sad.
It makes me sad too
and I cry with you even though
you can't hear me.

Month Four

my hair is starting to grow.
It is very short and fine
but I will have a lot of it.
I spend a lot of my time exercising.
I can turn my head and curl my fingers and toes
and stretch my arms and legs.
I am becoming quite good at it too.

Month Five

You went to the doctor today.
Mommy, he lied to you.
He said that I'm not a baby.
I am a baby Mommy, your baby.
I think and feel.
Mommy, what's abortion?

Month Six

I can hear that doctor again.
I don't like him.
He seems cold and heartless.
Something is intruding my home.
The doctor called it a needle.
Mommy what is it? It burns!
Please make him stop!
I can't get away from it!
Mommy! HELP me!

Month Seven

I am okay.
I am in Jesus's arms.
He is holding me.
He told me about abortion.
Why didn't you want me Mommy?

Every Abortion Is Just:

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

If you want abortion to end now, post this in your profile!

This is where I write random quotes I like!

Lead me not into temptation...I can find it myself.

It's just's just...I was saving that bacon...

I've got your back if you've got my hand, this isn't over it just began.

Childbirth is like being shot, stabbed, and run over, and all they tell you to do is breathe differently.

Oh this? We send it to people we don't like...out of idol curiosity, what's your E-mail address?

All memories are lost in time, like tears in rain.

There are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.

"Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me! Me!" I yelled. Mrs. frowned at me, because we're not supposed to go ooh ooh me me me.

You either die a hero, or live long enough to become the villain.

Men are the only living creatures who can think of absolutely nothing and still breathe.

The world is quiet here...

I didn't know what to bring to the science fair, so I brought a cup of dirt hoping she would just realize I'm an idiot and walk on by...

For my first trick, I will run 20 ft and pick this tennis ball up with just my mouth! Then, I will go back to this very position, but first I'll meander about like I've forgotten what I'm doing. But I will eventually end up in this general area...and drop the ball to the floor!

Children are like pancakes, the first few you throw away.

No life goes forever, the dead men rise up never, even the weariest river, winds somewhere safe at sea.

Worry is like a rocking-chair; it gives you something to do, but it doesn't go anywhere.

Question: if a tree fell in a forest, and no one was around to hear it, and it landed on a mime...would anyone care?

75 percent of Americans are either obese, asthmatic, or diabetic. Any other country could conquer us with fast runners and a bag of Skittles.

Heroes aren't braver than anyone else, they're just braver for 5 minutes longer

If you were thinking "Holy shit, holy shit, a swordfish almost went through my head," then yes, we are thinking the same thing...

And he looked over at me and asked, "Why so serious? Why so SERIOUS?!"

Everything in this room is eatable. Even I am eatable. But that, my dear children, is cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

History doesn't repeat it's self, it just yells "Didn't you hear what I just said?" and lets the hammer fly...

Cats are smarter than dogs. You couldn't get nine cats to pull a sled.

You can't spell 'funeral' without 'fun', nor 'manslaughter' without 'laughter'.

Some men do it for money or power, but some men are evil just to watch the world burn.

Cats were once worshiped as Gods by the Egyptians. They have not forgotten this.

The gym doesn't have a drive thru; Dunkin Donuts does.

I may be 20 bucks short, but that's no reason to kill more than one person today

" You put too many hormones in my system, you." " Just keep them out of mine and we don't have a problem, ok?"

If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever copy and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

Admitting you are weird is normal. Admitting you are normal is odd. Different is odd and different is not good. If you are weird and proud of it, put this in your profile.

92 of teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle said it was uncool to breathe. if you are part of the 8 that would stand there and laugh, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever talked to inanimate objects like they were people, and then tried to get others to do it too, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you know someone who should be run over by a bus put this on your profile.

If you've ever been in a store and ran up and hugged a random person, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you're a nerd and proud of it, copy this into your profile.

I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy & paste this into your profile

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was "Too small" and "Off it's orbit" for a couple scientists’ likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO!

If you’ve ever made faces in front of a security camera then paste this in your profile

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity.

If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile

If you get bored easily post this on your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post on profile.

If you have ever tried to grow wings, post this too.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you complain that your feet are cold and your mom tells you to put socks on and you don't just for the sake of being stubborn, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you have ever had a conversation with a cat, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you drink coffee like an old person, copy and paste this into your profile. (I totally do this. Infact, I'm drinking some right now.)

If you could read that put it in your profile.

Ten things to see before you die

1. A vegetarian being eaten by an animal.

2. An emo kid talking about happy bunnies.

3. Homer Simpson saying something intelligent.

4. Taxes disappearring.

5. Voldemort destroying one of his Horcruxes.

6. Michael Jackson being stalked by children.

7. Children taking over class and teaching teachers in kid subjects, such as: armpit farts, skate-boarding, real music, etc.

8. Wrestling people forgetting their moves.

9. The coyote catching the road runner.

10. The reaction of the (general) teen population if Abercrombie was closed and it was illegal to wear their clothing.

Best Friend Thingys

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: Is probably the reason are after me in the first place

Friend: Lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friend: Will comfort me when he breaks up with you.

Best Friend: Will call him, whispering 'Seven days...

Friend: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile. (My best friend and I are so crazy, we give ourselves weird looks.)


You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (ie 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (ie 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Disturbia: The Original by IAmMultitudes reviews
Max is having terrible, horrific nightmares of the Flock being murdered brutally by a monster. Now Max's world is crashing down around her, & she must stop the dreams from coming true or she she may become the very thing that killed them. ABANDONED
Maximum Ride - Rated: M - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 19 - Words: 20,265 - Reviews: 330 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 82 - Updated: 12/2/2011 - Published: 12/27/2008 - [Max, Fang] V. Martinez, OC - Complete
Things to do when you go to walmart: flock style by silent rebel wings reviews
The flock go to walmart for some clothes shopping. But end up in a whole lot of trouble.You all heard the 50 things to do when you go to walmart, But not with the flock. R&R. i do dont own Maximum ride. James patterson does.
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 6,807 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 12/13/2009 - Published: 8/10/2008
Coupledom Troubles by MaidenChina reviews
Max and Fang are finally together, life is great, global peace is achieved… YEAH RIGHT. A pubescent mutant-bird kid coupling means some interesting situations are sure to ensue. Sequel to Field Trip. FLUFF and FAX!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,643 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 52 - Updated: 10/3/2009 - Published: 2/18/2009 - Max, Fang
My life as a mutant birdkid by Randomitis Sufferer reviews
Ruby is a bird-kid, just like the Flock. Except, she never went to the School. She's always known a normal life. What happens when she meets the Flock? How will her new power change her life forever? Slight FAX IggyxOC RubyxOC. Better than it summary!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 26,649 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 26 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 5/2/2009 - Published: 1/12/2009 - Complete
Dancing In The Rain by zelovelyone reviews
Formerly known as "Dance?". Summary: Holly comes to stay at Fowl Manor. Minerva pays a surprise visit. And Arty is caught smack in the middle of everything. Do people ever get the meaning of vacation? A/H. After TTP. A little OOC. Taken down for re-write.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 49 - Reviews: 152 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 4/21/2009 - Published: 12/3/2008 - Artemis F., Holly S.
Why, Why Love by amantebandido reviews
In order to fulfill her grandma's wish of seeing a real faerie, Sam Doroster decided get close to Artemis Fowl by transferring to his school, halfway across the globe. Unfortunately for her, it is an all boys school. Can she hide the fact she is a girl?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 21 - Words: 79,606 - Reviews: 249 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 36 - Updated: 3/27/2009 - Published: 11/24/2008 - Complete
The voice has some fun! by Randomitis Sufferer reviews
No you perverts! Not THAT kind of fun. This is just a one-shot about what happens when the Voice goes to a quiz night. Also my views on who the voice might really be. Small humor. Rated T 'cause all my fanfics are. Enjoy!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 930 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 3/6/2009 - Max - Complete
Saint Max's Church for Mutants and Mayhem by MissFANG-TeamGALE reviews
Anne is making the flock attend Sunday service with her. Can you say uh-oh? Set some time in School's Out
Maximum Ride - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,339 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 2/4/2009 - Published: 1/19/2009
Betrayal by XJayjayxShadowfireX reviews
Three-quel to Deceit! Holly goes MIA while she is topside. Who is responsible? Mudman or fairy? Trouble, Artemis, and my OC, Sam are going to find out.Oh, and Fang. We can't forget about Fang!
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 16,282 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 1/14/2009 - Published: 12/14/2008 - Trouble K., Artemis F. - Complete
Redemption by XJayjayxShadowfireX reviews
SEQUEL TO DECEIT Foaly finds the cure to Sam's vampirism on Opal's computer, but it requires reagents that are very hard to get. Sam, Artemis, and Holly go on a journey to find them and cleanse Sam. Artemis/OC. I hope the story is better than the summary.
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 15 - Words: 15,936 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 12/11/2008 - Published: 11/24/2008 - Artemis F., Holly S. - Complete
Juvenile Hacking by kris932 reviews
Young students were never easy to deal with...their rich parents were even worse. How does a headmaster try and expel his best six year old student for hacking INTO a lesson plan to improve a test? Artemis Fowl II age six is a terrifying force.NOW EDITED
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,740 - Reviews: 61 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 37 - Published: 12/4/2008 - Artemis F., Angeline F. - Complete
The Maximum IM Experience by RavenSparx reviews
Uh oh... the Flock has new computers, and it's time for some serious IMing! Full of FAX, humor, random mind-reading, embarassing questions, and even a little Eggy. Get ready for the maximum IM experience! Rated T for safety, really should be K .
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 16,502 - Reviews: 197 - Favs: 89 - Follows: 67 - Updated: 11/16/2008 - Published: 9/26/2008
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Mic Can't Keep a Secret reviews
We write fanfics all the time, but what does the Flock think about it? How do they feel about pairings like Fax, Eggy, and Fissa? Find out in this exclusive interview! R&R please!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 8,621 - Reviews: 101 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 10/14/2009 - Published: 2/16/2009
Peekaboo! I see you! reviews
The Flock has to watch Max's one-year-old cousin for a whole day. No problem. Piece of cake. How much trouble could one baby be?...R&R please! Somewhat of a sequel to "Nighty Night, Don't Let the Dream Hoppers Bite."
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,651 - Reviews: 120 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 4/19/2009 - Published: 1/30/2009
Nighty Night, Don't Let the Dreamhoppers Bite! reviews
Angel teaches Max how to dream-hop, visiting other's dreams. Now she'll finally find out what the rest of the Flock thinks in their sleep...PLEASE R&R!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 8,294 - Reviews: 106 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 26 - Updated: 1/28/2009 - Published: 1/16/2009 - Complete
Nomal life? I don't think so reviews
The Flock and Roxanne have something in common; they both want to live a normal life. Itex is gone, but not evil. As Roxie helps the flock fight to keep the world safe, she still has to deal with the stress of her recently divorced parents. R&R please!
Maximum Ride - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,545 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 1/14/2009 - Published: 1/11/2009
Baby of Darkness, or Child of Light? reviews
A new threat has risen, and it's up to Artemis Fowl and his friends to stop the world's most dangerous being. The problem is: it hasn't been born yet. Can they convince the mother, Jaclynn, to give them the baby, or will Opal get her first?
Artemis Fowl - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 13 - Words: 18,413 - Reviews: 26 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 1/11/2009 - Published: 12/5/2008