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Joined 12-08-08, id: 1764534, Profile Updated: 06-17-09

Hi, I'm Edward-Cullen-Lover1901!! :) And i'm obsessed with Twilight!

About Me

Name: Ashley

Activities: Fan fiction (reading/writing), shopping, reading Twilight, reading other books, watching the twilight movie, watching other movies, watching tv, hanging with friends, talking.

Favorite book: Twilight (duh!)

Favorite movie: Twilight (duh, again)

Favorite music: Twilight sound track (see a pattern yet?)

Favorite Twilight characters: Edward and Bella. (this is just my favorite male and favorite female)

Least favorite Twilight characters: Jacob and Lauren (I really dont like Victoria and James but Jacob is my least favorite then Lauren is just such a bitch.)


"That was random."


"Can I ask you something?"
"You just did."
"One more?"
"That was another."

"Move it!"

"Tu madre! Yes, you just got burned in Spanish. Would you like some ice for that Spanish burn?"

"You need help."

"Go get em tiger!"

"Rolling with the big dogs! Rooo rooo"

"Wow. Your stupid."
"You just noticed? Who's the stupid one now?"

"You pervert!!"

"They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill to many people."

"You laugh now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you're 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?"

"When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back"

"The appropriate reaction for girls and gay guys is 'ahhhhhhh!'"

"Well I ain't the easter bunny"

"Is that for me?"
(sarcastically) "No, its for me"

"That's what she said."

"Who says lol except on im?"
"Everyone, jk."
"...And jk."

Things that I hate in Fan Fictions:(Twilight)

1. Vampires don't eat/cry/sleep (but they do drink blood. they can eat human food but they hate it and throw it up)

2. Twilight is NOT all human. Some people don't understand that all the vampires who are vampires now would be dead if it was all human. :'(

3. A fan fiction about 2 people who fall in love and one is a vampire doesn't make it Twilight unless it is Edward and Bella. random people dont count if only like 1 or 2 Twilight characters are in it.

4. Bella doesn't turn emo when Edward leaves

5. Bella is not retarded

6. Bella doesn't call Edward "Eddy, Eddie, or Ed."

7. Jasper is not emo.

8. Bella wouldn't do anything to hurt Edward and vise versa.

9. You don't need to put yourself in Twilight or have the characters come to where you are and stuff- its retarded.

10. The author of the story doesn't just appear and tell everyone what to do.

11. The character couples are: B/E C/Es R/Em J/A and if its post/during breaking dawn Jake/Re. not B/A or B/Jasper or E/A or Jake/E or anything else.

Things to do at Walmart (I didnt make this up i just found it)

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
4. Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
5. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him I need some tampons!!"
6. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.
7. Try on bras over top of your clothes.
8. Make a trail of tomato juice on the ground, leading to the girls restrooms
9. While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible sex and candy"
10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, I think we've got a Code 3 in House wares," and see what happens.
11. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to 10.
12. Play with the automatic doors.
13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, Who BUYS this shit, anyway?"
15. Repeat #14 in the jewelry department.
16. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
17. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, Wow. Magic!"
20. Put M&M's on layaway.
21. Move Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
23. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
24. Nonchalantly test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
26. TP as much of the store as possible.
27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell hello" upside down.
29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, why won't you people just leave me alone?"
30. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, Red Rover!"
31. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
32. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
33. Take bets on the battle described above.
34. Set up another battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. G.I. Janes. (Red lipstick might give an interesting effect!!)
35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
36. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room.
37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission: Impossible."
38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
40. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop when you attempt to buy them.
41. Set up a Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
42. Two words: Marco Polo."
43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food aisle,etc.
44. Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
45. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" with various funnels.
46. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
47. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation. Exp: The person is breaking up with you and you begin crying how could you do this to me? I thought you loved me! I knew there was another girl, but I thought I had won. You kissed ME darling." Then act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions.
48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, No, no! It's those voices again!"
49. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
51. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying Good girl, good Bessie."
52. Go over to the shoe department and try on every pair of shoes, not putting one pair back. Take the paper from the boxes and throw it in various aisles.
53. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly make off with it without saying a word.
54. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
55. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
56. hide in clothing racks and when someone look in pop out and say do you mind
57. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch" from the other aisles.
58. In the makeup department, spray yourself with every perfume there is, then walk up to a boy who is with another girl and start flirting with him in that annoying, ditsy way. hi!! (giggle) What's your sign?(giggle)." When the boy shows no interest, start hitting on the girl the exact same way. hi!! (giggle) What's your sign? (giggle)."
59. Hold indoor shopping cart races.
60. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
61. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
62. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.
63. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
64. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.
65. Say things like, Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
66. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., Do you have any Shnerples here?"
67. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a test drive."
68. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
69. Get boxes of Condoms and randomly put them in people’s carts when they don't realize it.
70. Get an empty book, and say it's a guest book. Get people to sign.
71. Play a game of indoor freeze tag
72. Drive around the entrances screaming out the window the British are coming"
73. Have a team race with your friends- one person sits in the cart, the other pushes
74. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices
75. Fill your cart up as much as possible, and then try to use the express lane
76. Use a bullhorn and occasionally say that there is free candy in aisle X (aisle X being the condom aisle)
77. Run into a pyramid of cans, heroically saying I'm gonna save us from that bomb!"
78. Use a conveyer belt as a treadmill and lose some weight
79. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over.
80. When people aren't looking, put tampons in their carts if they are a guy, or if they are a gal, put in a jock strap.
81. Randomly direct people to the deodorant section
82. Tell someone that you will sue for false advertising, since they do not sell walls.
83. Take your boyfriend or girlfriend to the food section and have an expensive dinner.
84. Try to push your cart through a checkout without paying. When the clerk tries to stop you, kick in his balls (don’t try it on a chick, it wont work), run, but leave the cart. See what happens.
85. If people aren’t looking at their cart, steal it.
86. Go to the gun section, saying Can I buy a gun? I'm tired of that stupid smiley face!"
87. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund.
88. See how much stuff you can break before you get caught
89. Take a leak in the dressing rooms.
90. Repeadeately say "The clowns are not eating me."
91. Use fake checks, but sign them using your neighbor’s name.
92. Rearrange items as you see fit.
93. Take a full set of guy's clothes and a full set of gal's clothes, then leave them lying somewhere.
94. Put pokemon stuff in a cart that is full of stuff like KoRn and Limp Bizkit CDs
95. Grab condoms and stick them in everyone's face (only the opposite sex)
96. Do #95 but with the same sex (not recommended)
97. Grab stickers that say radioactive" and put them randomly on food items.
98. Follow someone until they notice
99. Pull out pins, like that guy form the 7up commercial
100. Loiter. When asked to leave, tell them you live here.
101. Record yourself while having sex, then have it play over and over gain in the middle of a clothes rack.
102. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors.
103. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don't actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys).
104. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice.
105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customer’s items. If the cashier protests, kill them.
106. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and
when they say you didn't buy it there say "The customer is always right dammit!!" Make a scene.
107. Climb things.
108. walk around wearing the cloths from the store
109. Look at customers and look away when they look back (repeat)
110. Make Loud noises in the bathroom.
111. Pat guys on the back when using bathroom stall.
112. Play the stereos real loud and dance wildly.
113. Hog up the Xbox or PS2 demo games
114. Flip off the camera
115. get 220 items make the cashier ring them all up, then say you know what I will just take a pack of gum, say to return everything else
116. Put the items back in wrong spots
117. Walk past people and make bodily noises.
118. Format the hard drives on the computers
119. Stand in front of the Wal-Mart greeter and say "Welcome to Wal-Mart" before the greeter can.
120. Have a long conversation with the greeter so that he/she cannot greet customers entering the store or give them a shopping cart.
121. Go to the auto department and get a few jugs of antifreeze, put them in the freezers in the grocery department.
122. Roll a tire down the aisle and chase after it.
123. Go to the electronics department and put on a show for the video cameras.
124. Joust with the rascals (the little motorized wheelchairs at the entrance)
125. Act autistic by yelling "baseball" in a slightly retarded voice
126. Pillow fights with stuffed animals
127. Talk to the clerk in the electronics dept, and every 5 minutes or so yell "No! You are Wrong!"
128. Clip clothing to customers w/out their knowledge, clip-on ties work great
129. Clip a clip on tie to yourself on your back and walk in and out of the store a bunch of times and see if anyone notices
130. Men: Take women’s clothing and go to the changing rooms
131. Take embarrassing items (massive amounts of duesche in men’s carts works really well, or self enema kits, I do this at work all the time) and hide them in random people's carts
132. Get a blue or red vest from a friend who works at Wal-Mart and walk around helping customers and moving things and talking to other employees.
133. Put on a baseball helmet backwards, a hunting vest, a big stuffed bear under one arm and a pool cue. Tiptoe in and out of isles and yell "BANG" while pointing the pool cue at customers and employees, then jump into an isle where they can't see you.
134. Commando crawl through isles doing the same thing, but roll off into other isles and crawl away as fast as possible. This got me kicked out in under 10 minutes (my personal record). We got away with it that long because my friend explained to one employee that I was "slow" in the head and that I was simply expressing myself.
135. Play Hide and Go seek
136. While playing move stuff out of the shelves and get on the shelf, and put the merchandise in front of you and hide. ! also makes it interesting when people grab for a box and miss
137. Follow a random person around the store, buying the same things they buy
138. Go in without pants... ask an employee where they sell pants.
139. Do your shopping from other peoples carts
140. Go into fitting room and announce loudly "there's no toilet paper in here!"
141. Set up camp in sporting goods using their display items
142. Ask how much for the Big W out front.
143. Ask customer service where the nearest K-mart is
144. Ask if "hanging sex chair swings" are in furniture, sporting goods or toys
145. Remove all pricing stickers from all items before checking out
146. Grab the toys that make noise, turn them on, and hide them all around the store
147. Dress exactly like the manager and walk around the store abusing people.
148. Post 'Found Person' flyers in their 'Missing Persons' billboard.
149. Announce a Blue Light Special on the Wal-Mart P.A.
150. drop adult diapers into people’s carts
151. Try to return things with another stores brand name to Wal-Mart
152. Padlock all the carts together
153. Go in wearing a towel and ask for soap
154. Ask to see a selection of their most popular walls.
155. Ask if they have co-ed changing rooms
156. Test out the Riding Mowers.
157. Test out a Ladder. Use it to change some light bulbs
158. hook up voice changer to intercom, and switch between little girl and demonic
159. Act like you've never seen automatic sliding doors.
160. Shake all the soda
161. Make a fort
162. have deep, lengthy conversations...with a mannequin
163. Place Milk back behind the bleach.
164. Dodge ball with the big bouncy balls
165. Drop panties and jars of Vaseline into men's shopping carts
166. Beat a little kid at Nintendo. Make him cry.
167. Buy a bikini for the cute girl at the register
168. Follow random people around and spray everything they touch with Lysol
169. Scream every time the checkout person scans an item
170. Ask if they have seen Mike Rotch. Have them ask over the PA.
171. even better if your male Make out with the big plastic Ronald McDonald
172. Play limbo with the brooms
173. put tampons in Elmo’s hand
174. Ask the employees to recommend & describe personal lubricants
175. Say loudly "my mom will love this" whilst holding sexy lingerie
176. Ask if the condoms come in women’s sizes
177. Go up to a cashier, and ask him/her to page a bogus person. Make up the name.
178. Ask The greeter if sex is allowed in the entertainment section
179. Take the extra buttons from the coats, name them, and talk to them
180. Ask if they have any lingerie with Tinky-Winky on it
181. Take photos of the store and the customers (don’t be afraid to get in there face. Also post pics online)
182. Hold desk clerks hostage in the fish section, then threaten to drown em over PA
183. Dress up as Mario and advertise Super Mario Sunshine
184. Get several bouncy balls and throw them down an aisle shouting "go, pikachu, go!"
185. u can also throw skittles at people and say taste the rainbow...or take a box
of lucky charms, shoot down the isle screaming "you'll never catch me lucky
186. Great pranks! However, you forgot to mention GRANNY PANTIES!! They are great for every thing! Put them in peoples carts when they weren’t looking, Drop them over fresh fruit and hang them from flowers. Stuff a few pairs in with toys
187. run around the store going 'WEEE-WOOOO, WEEEE-WOOOO, WEEEEEE-WOOOOO'
188. Also, just before the store closes, fall asleep on a couch, and when someone asks you to leave at closing time, tell them you live there.
189. when in the isle that is really full of people suddenly fall on the floor and yell out "IVE BEEN HIT BY FALLING PRICES"
190. Bring Popped popcorn into the store, grab some chairs from wherever, take them to the electronics section and put them in the way of people, sit in them and watch whatever movie they have playing.
191. Go up to couples and go up to the guy (or girl), slap him (or her) and yell,” I THOUGHT UP LOVED ME!!ITS OVER!!"then walk off in a huff
192. Go up to the busiest looking associate and rudely ask them where something is. Just make sure that the something you’re looking for is right next to you
193. One thing to do if you really have an extra twenty or fifty dollar bill is to make it stick to the floor in one of the aisles and every time someone tries to pick it up dive straight for them and scream "It's a trap! It's gonna explode!"
194. Hold a box tightly. if people look at you, clutch the box to your chest and say, "Mine."
195. Go to the checkout line and page yourself. Slip away, then come back 5 minutes later, saying you were paged. Repeat until you're told to leave.
196. Stick price stickers to yourself and lay on the conveyer belt. When asked what you're doing, say, "I got hungry and ate all my food."
197. Move the displays into a maze, then stand at the end and congratulate anybody who makes it out.
198. Walk up to an employee, and say "Can I help you?"
199. Act like a manikin. Then when people walk by, scare them or follow them.
200. Talk with fake bad accents or in a language that you don’t know.
201. Steal something from someone's cart and run off laughing. Be as conspicuous as possible. When they confront you, say "Blast! Foiled again!" and give the item back.
202. Roll around in the aisles
203. Create your own clothing in the Arts and Crafts section
204. Grab a 100 bucks worth of stuff, check out. When asked for money shrug.
205. Paint the store funny colors
206. Blindfolded. Grab as much clothing as possible in 30 seconds. Try on. YAAAAY!!
207. Rope of an area walk on it and say and say it will collapse if anyone steps on
208. Walk around and worship random items around the store. Make it look convincing.
209. Announce: Wal-Mart clerks don't get paid enough to even shop at Wal-Mart!
210. Sneak up on old people and scream penis at the top of your lungs then run
211. Shave the Barbies
212. Go to the Pet Dept. and ask if the dead fish are half-price (true story)
213. Grab as many balls you can find and peg them at random kids around the store.
214. Play limbo with the brooms.
215. Hang comforters over a few aisles.
216. After the loudspeaker comes on, shout "Dad, was that you?"
217. Sell the store’s stuff to people
218. Fly a kite attached to a bike
219. Give random people a piggyback ride or vice versa
220. Ask people if they believe in magic
221. Have a paper airplane distance contest
222. Have a picnic with some people
223. Make a house out of card board boxes
224. Have a yard sale
225. Attach a video camera to a remote control car. Spy around
226. Buy a Chia Pet and call it Chia Charlie
227. Get some water guns and ATTACK!!
228. Have a competition with someone to see who is less competitive
229. Start hitting yourself in the head and say, SHUT up all of you - SHUT UP especially you Lawrence
230. Stick blueberries up your nose and see how far you can shoot them
231. Strut like John Wayne
232. Take an invisible dog for a walk
233. Talk only in famous catchphrases from movies
234. Three-legged softball or soccer (players are paired off, then each player has one leg tied to their partner's)
235. Throw around an invisible ball and see if you can get people to join you in a game of catch
236. Try to hypnotize someone
237. Verbally Abuse your patio furniture
238. Voice your opinion where no one can hear you
239. Try to not think about penguins (This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.)
240. Pretend you're a robot
241. Pretend to be a car run people over
242. Make a Conga line see how many people will join
243. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other people, "This is MY personal space!"
244. Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other people
245. Swat at flies that don't exist.
246. Call out, "Group Hug!" and then enforce it.
247. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"
248. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.
249. Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".
250. Greet everyone coming in the store with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral

9 Things I Hate (repost if you agree)

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say 'it's always the last place you look'. Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

5 When people say while watching a film 'did you see that?'. No Loser, I paid 7 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask 'Can I ask you a question?'... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say 'life is short'. What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Has the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I still be standing here? I don't think so.

1994: Do YOU remember the 90s??

Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if You remember watching -Doug -Ren & Stimpy -Pinky and the Brain -AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! -Rockos modern Life. -Animaniacs -Gargoyles You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!" You just cant resist finishing this . . . "in west Philadelphia born and raised . . ." You remember -Step by Step -Family Matters -Dinosaurs -Boy Meets World You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. You remember reading "Goosebumps" You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not When everything was settled by -rock paper scissors or -bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or -ms. mary mack When kick ball was a daily activity. When we used to obey our parents You used to listen to the radio all day long just to r ecord your FAVORITE song of ALL time on a tape. You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular. You remember The Original Game Boy. You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny. You remember watching -The Magic School Bus -Wishbone -Reading Rainbow -and Ghostwriter on PBS You remember when Yo-Yos were cool. You remember those Where's Waldo books. You remember eating Warheads and Splashers Gum. You remember watching -the 1st Batman -Aladdin -Ninja Turtles -ghost busters You remember Ring Pops. If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!" You remember boom boxes .vs. cd players. Making those little paper fortune things, and then predicting your life with them. You played and/or collected "Pogs" You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere. One word. . . . . . . .trolls. Windows 95 was the best. You watched the original cartoons of -Rugrats -Wild Thornberry's -Power Ra ngers -Rocket Power. All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand. You collected those Beanie Babies. Carebears Lambchop's song never ended. Silver dollars, which were cool to have. Everyone watched the WB. If you even know what an original walkman is. You know the Macarena by heart. "Talk to the hand" . . . enough said You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace. You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground. Before the MySpace frenzy . . . Before the Internet & text messaging . . . Before Sidekicks & iPods . . . Before PlayStation3 or X-BOX 360 . . . Before Spongebob . . . Before Tupac was shot. When light up sneakers were cool. When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs. When gas was 0.45 a gallon. When we recorded stuff on VCRs. You had slap bracelets! You Actually played outside until it was dark! Way back. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear. Post this in your bulletin if you remember these days . . . .

Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.
Man: So... Your a girl huh? Woman: No, no i'm not
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.
Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.
Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter.
Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that crap up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

Lessons Learned in Twilight

1. You can enjoy the banquet while resisting the wine.
2. The future is not set in stone.
3. Men are crabby when they're hungry.
4. Nothing beats an irritable grizzly bear.
5. True love knows no boundaries.
6. Some people are just danger magnets.
7. Even eternal enemies can work together to save something they love.
8. Forget the fangs - real vampires sparkle!
9. Soul mates exist, even if it takes 100 years to find them.
10. Porshe 911 Turbos make really great bribes.
11. Friendship is like the sun on a cloudy day.
12. Snow just means it's too cold for rain.
13. Family is about more than just blood.
14. What's worth doing is worth over-doing.
15. Losing your temper can be hair-raising.
16. "Vegetarian" has many meanings.
17. Even monsters can hold on to their humanity.
18. There are exceptions to every rule.
19. Always verify bad news before doing something stupid.
20. Hearing voices in your head doesn't necessarily mean you're crazy.
21. Love means being willing to sacrifice your happiness for another's.
22. Cold hands = Warm heart.
23. Not breathing is uncomfortable.
24. Stupid lambs and masochistic lions make quite a pair.
25. Romeo was an idiot.
26. Twilight is the saddest and safest time of day.
27. Extreme sports should not be attempted alone.
28. Life is worth very little without someone to share it with.
29. Space heaters can be very annoying.
30. Love can make even the most miserable places paradise.

Twilight Questions!
Have you Been to A Release Party?

Ever cried while reading one of the books?
lol yea

A Movie?

Books or Movies?
books! :D

Had A Dream About Twilight?
all the time! lol

Been To A Fansite?
yup :)

Been to SM's’s Site?
all the time

Have You Ever Gone Through Conversations From Books With A Friend As The Characters?
no... lol

If So, What Book And Chapter(s)?
lol still no

Did you use to have an absurd theory?
No, I knew Edward was a vampire before I read it and Jake... i was like "That jerk!" lol.

What was the theory?
He was being a ass hole... lol.

Did you/Do you hide your obsession?
No but I don't act over obsessed even though I am. :)

Did it/ Does it work?
yea, but I don't hide it.

Ever dressed up like a Character? For Halloween or Just No Reason at all?
No... I wanted to though

Where you surprised when Bella actually named her daughter Renesmee?
No not really. I think it's a cool name.

Have you ever actually laughed out loud while reading the books?

Did you happen to go through a depression phase while reading New Moon?

Did you just now make that connection?

Have you ever stopped being someones friend because they were Team Jacob/Edward?
No but me and my friend argue every time we talk about it so we don't anymore.

Do you find it creepy that Jacob will one day be making out with the daughter of a girl he made out with?

Do you know what fanfiction is?
hmmm i dont know... lol

Ever Been To A Fanfiction site?
dont think so... lol

Do you read fanfiction?
ya think?

If so, do you like it?
thats a stupid question and why would i read it if i hated it?

Are you a member of a fanfiction site?

What site?
not fanfiction.com...

Do you write fanfiction?
i dont think so...

Do you like to write fanfiction?
if i didnt why would i write it?

Ever related blood pops from HP with the Vampires from Twilight?
Blood pops?

Do you own a lot of Twilight Stuff?

Are you one of the millions of people waiting impatiently for the New Moon movie?
Yup! I'm super excited!

Are you one of the millions of people waiting impatiently for SM to finish up MS?
Yup! It's taking forever!

What Character Are You Most Often Compared Too?

Do You Agree With This?
i guess

Do You Have Any Nicknames That Have To Do With Twilight?

What Are They?

Do you object to being Called By it?
I wish i had one...

Are Your friends Supportive of your obsession?

Do you have any inside jokes that relate to Twilight?

What’s One?(You don’t have to explain)
I'd be reading that dictionary! LOL!

Do you relate a lot of things to Twilight?

Do you love being obsessed With Twilight?
Why wouldn't I?

Do you wish that you lived in Forks(or any other Twilight-related place)?
Yes! I wanna go visit Forks someday.

Have you re-read the books?
Lots of times

Have you had A Twilight-themed party?
Unfortunately, no

Did You Have a DVD Release Party?

Do You Want To?

Have you ever read a Twilight Musical?
Lol yea. Those are sooo funny

Have You Ever Wrote One?

Do You Want To?

If You Wrote A Twilight Musical Would You Let People Read it
if it was good

Are You Going To Write One?
Probably no

IS The Musical Thing Annoying You?

Am I more annoying than Alice or Emmett?

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