A Mad Man With A Box
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Joined 12-21-08, id: 1777106, Profile Updated: 08-22-11
Author has written 14 stories for Doctor Who, and Artemis Fowl.


If you have a life and are not bored to death right now, skip my profile. I don't mind. Really.

But when you are bored to death. Come read it.

A Mad Man With A Box's Stories:

Shards of Shattered Roses:

Summary: Originally, he was just going to visit the apartment. To say a last goodbye surrounded by her memories, but then it had escalated into more. Much, much more. -Post Doomsday-

Status: In-Progess

Sequel?: I will say nothing.

Never Forgotten:

Summary: "J.K Rowling. You should know just how brilliant you are." The Doctor goes to get his copy of Deathly Hallows signed.

Status: Complete.

Sequel? Nope.

Rose Tyler in the TARDIS with the Doctor:

Summary: Gone were the white walls that separated them. Gone were the separate universes that had tried to keep them apart. All that separated them now was a road. Her on one side and him on the other. But not for long.

Status: Complete.

Sequel? No. Why do I even have this question?

Defying Gravity:

Summary: The Doctor always seems to have amazing hair - styled to utter perfection. It must take him hours to create it. So just what to his companions think about that, as they wait to go on an adventure? And wait. And wait...

Status: Complete.

Sequel?: No.

Quiet Moments:

Summary: "Amy noticed that his eyes had focussed on something in front of him. She turned to follow his gaze but there was nothing in his line of sight except the wall of the TARDIS." The Doctor sees Rose in the console room, but is she really there?

Status: Complete.

Sequel?: Nope.

Cracked Memories:

Summary: While examining the crack in Amelia Pond's wall, the Doctor hears a painfully familiar voice reaching through from across the void.

Status: Complete.

Sequel?: No.

Her Song Must End NOW

Summary: My re-written version of the end of Forest of the Dead, because I REALLY hate Riversong. I mean why can't she not be all noble and die and stay dead for goodness sake. Read if you hate Riversong too!

Status: Complete.

Sequel?: Um...no

Your Fault:

Summary: "This is all your fault, Harkness."

Status: Complete.

Sequel?: Eh, no.

Not Fair:

Summary: "I could do so much more. SO. MUCH. MORE. But this is what I get." End of Time.

Status: Complete.

Sequel?: Nope.


Summary: Just short little drabbles, mostly from the new series. "I just feel like I'm forgetting something."... "Have you got a pen?" ... "How many more?" ... "What is the point of you?" ... "He needed a canvas and some paints."

Status: In-Progess, but not top-priority.

Sequel?: Nope.


Summary: Written from prompt - "I can't make a decent meringue!" Eleven can't make meringues, but can Ten?

Status: Complete.

Sequel?: No.

One Jackie, Now You're Scared:

Summary: Missing scene written for my story Shards of Shattered Roses. Must have read that. "Jackie was somehow managing to keep screaming as she alternated between hitting Jack and hitting the Doctor, sometimes throwing in a slap for good measure."

Status: Complete.

Sequel?: Nup.

Elves & Aliens:

Summary: Rose-reunion fic...The Doctor, Artemis Fowl and Foaly build a machine so the Doctor can go get Rose from the parallel universe! Surprise twists coming up, and evil cliffhangers! Spoilers for The Time Paradox and in Dr Who this is post-Martha, pre-Donna.

Status: Complete.

Sequel?: Yes, but it's been removed from Fanfiction.Net.

Okay, I am now officially a member of FictionPress.net and on there my pen name is still The Purple God!

How to Tell if You're a Writer

-If you talk to yourself.
-If you talk to yourself about talking to yourself (i.e. "I wonder why I talk to myself so much?")
-If, when you talk to yourself, you sometimes speak as if talking to another person (i.e. "Okay, so have you ever noticed that the word ‘deliver’ could mean removing someone’s liver?’")
-If, after uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand in awe and say, "Wow, this is good stuff for sugar highs!"
-If you live off of sugar and caffeine.
-If people start to notice that you tend to check your e-mail every day for a week, then suddenly disappear off the face of the planet.
-If your e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.
-If, when replying to someone else’s e-mail, you are sometimes so random that you fail to address the original message altogether.
-If you tend to collect the Bic Stics people leave lying around, kind of like picking pennies off the ground.
-If, no matter where you are in your room, you never have to so much as get up to reach a pen/pencil and paper.
-If people think you might have A.D.D.
-If you start constantly talking in third person, past tense.
-If you think about making lists like this, and start giggling for no "apparent" reason.
-If your friends don’t even bother to look funny at you anymore when you start giggling for no apparent reason.

That is very me, well it is basically me in a nutshell...just tonight when I was playing goalkeeper, I was talking to myself about why I talk to myself when I could just say it in my head, and why I was talking to myself in the first place...

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal
pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a
rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't
mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer
be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl
mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling
was ipmorantt! tahts so cool!

If you could read that put it in your profile.


I shall just put quotes here whenever I'm bored, but I love waaaaaaaaaaaay too many quotes so I shall just put in all the ones I can be bothered to

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

--Henry David Thoreau

Doctor Who

"It's like when you're a kid, the first time they tell you that the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it. The turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour and the entire planet is hurtling around the Sun at sixty-seven thousand miles an hour, and I can feel it. We're falling through space, you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go...That's who I am. Now forget me, Rose Tyler. Go home."

"The Doctor is a legend woven throughout history. When disaster comes, he's there, and he brings a storm in his wake."

"Is that a technical term, 'jiggery pokery'?"

"You think it'll last forever. The people, and cars, and concrete. But it won't. Then one day it's all gone. Even the sky. My planet's gone. It's dead. It burned, like the Earth. It's just rocks and dust. Before its time."

"I saw the Fall of Troy! World War Five! I was pushing boxes at the Boston Tea Party! Now I'm gonna die in a dungeon...in Cardiff!"

"Nine hundred years of time and space, and I've never been slapped by someone's mother."

"Excuse me, do you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?"

"...And over on the Bad Wolf channel, the Face of Boe has just announced he's pregnant."

"Might seem like a stupid question, but has anything fallen from the sky recently?"

"Nine hundred years of phone box travel and it's the only thing left that surprises me. You're ringing. How can you be ringing? You're not even a real phone!"

"Go to your room. Go to your room! I mean it. I'm very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross! Go to your room!...I'm really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words."

"Go! Now! Don't drop the banana! Good source of potassium!"

"Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, 'Ooo, this could be a little more sonic'?"

"You know what they call me in the ancient legends of the Dalek homeworld? The Oncoming Storm. You might have removed all your emotions, but I reckon right down deep in your DNA there's one little spark left. And that's fear. Doesn't it just burn when you face me?"

"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words; I scatter them in time and space, a message to lead myself here."

"Rose Tyler. I was gonna take you to so many places. Barcelona! Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. You'd love it, fantastic place! They've got dogs with no noses! Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke and it's still funny!"

"I might never make sense again! I might have two heads, or no head. Imagine me with no head! And don't say that's an improvement."

"You're mad!" "You're right! I look daft in one shoe. There...bare foot on the moon!"

"Judoon platoon upon the moon."

"You're Mister Thick-Thick-Thickity-Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania, and so's your dad!"

"Am I... ginger? "

"And you, Rose Tyler! Fat lot of good you were! You gave up on me! Ooh, that's rude. Is that the sort of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger."

"I like my thumb, I need my thumb, I'm very attached to my thumb."

"Correctamundo! A word... I... have... never used before and hopefully never will again."

"Oh, this and that. Became the imaginary friend of a future French aristocrat, picked a fight with a clockwork man...Oh, and I met a horse."

"Oh, look at what the cat dragged in: "The Oncoming Storm."

"Well, for starters, I know you can't wrap your hand around your elbow and make your fingers meet."

"Me living in a house! Now that- that is terrifying."

"Can you imagine that, nothing? No light, no dark, no up, no down, no life...no time...without end. My people called it "the Void", the Eternals call it "the Howling", but some people call it Hell. "

"I'm going tenpin bowling. Why do you think, Dumbo?! I was halfway up the aisle!"

"I am in my wedding dress. It doesn't have pockets! Who has pockets? Have you ever seen a bride with pockets?! When I went to my fitting at Chez Allison, the one thing I forgot to say was "GIVE ME POCKETS!"

"Guess what I've got, Donna? Pockets!...They're bigger on the inside."

"My mate Ben, that was a day and a half. I got rope burns off that kite. And then I got soaked- and then I got electrocuted."

"Have you seen?! There are these... things. These... great, big space rhino things! I mean rhinos from space! And we're on the moon! Great big space rhinos, with guns, on the moon! And I only came in for my bunions! Look, Oh, they're all fixed now, perfectly good treatment, the nurses were lovely, I said to my wife, I said, I recommend this place to anyone. But then we end up on the moon! And...did I mention the rhinos?"

"I'm talking to an alien? In hospital?!What, has this place got an E.T. department?"

Martha: "It's like in the films! You Step on a butterfly,you change the future of the human race!"
The Doctor: "I'll tell you what then, don't... step on any butterflies. What have butterflies ever done to you?"
Martha: "What if... I dunno! What if I kill my grandfather?!"
The Doctor: "Are you planning to?"

"I'm not even human. Just walk around like you own the place, it works for me."

"Good old J.K.!"

"The sky's burnt orange, with the citadel enclosed in a mighty glass dome, shining under the twin suns. Beyond that, the mountains go on forever. Slopes of deep red grass, capped with snow. "

"Everything has its time. You know that, old friend, better than most."

"I lied to you, 'cos I liked it. I could pretend, just for a bit, I could imagine they were still alive underneath that burnt orange sky. I'm not just a Time Lord, I'm the last of the Time Lords. The Face of Boe was wrong; there's no one else."

"There was a war. A Time War. The Last Great Time War. My people fought a race called the Daleks, for the sake of all creation. And they lost. We lost. Everyone lost. They're all gone now. My family. My friends. Even that sky. Oh, you should have seen it! That old planet... The second sun would rise in the south, and the mountains would shine. The leaves on the trees were silver, when they caught the light, every morning it looked like a forest on fire. When the autumn came, a brilliant glow though the branches..."

"My planet is gone. Destroyed in a Great War. Yet versions of this city stand throughout history. The human race always continues."

"They survived, they always survive, while I lose everything."

"I'm old enough to know that a longer life isn't always a better one. In the end you just get tired. Tired of the struggle. Tired of losing everyone who matters to you. Tired of watching everything turn to dust. If you live long enough, Lazarus, the only certainty left is that you'll end up alone."

"The wonderful world of space travel... The prettier it looks, the more likely it is to kill you."

"He's like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night, and the storm in the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever. He burns at the center of time and he can see the turn of the universe. And... he's wonderful."

"He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing -- the fury of the Time Lord -- and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden, he was being kind. He still visits my sister, once a year, every year. I wonder if one day he might forgive her, but there she is. Can you see? He trapped her inside a mirror. Every mirror. If ever you look at your reflection and see something move behind you just for a second, that's her. That's always her. As for me, I was suspended in time and the Doctor put me to work standing over the fields of England, as their protector. We wanted to live forever. So the Doctor made sure we did."

"Fascinating race, the Weeping Angels. The only psychopaths in the universe to kill you nicely. No mess, no fuss, they just zap you into the past and let you live to death. The rest of your life used up and blown away in the blink of an eye. You die in the past and in the present they consume the energy of all the days you might have had; all your stolen moments. They're creatures of the abstract and live off potential energy."

"This is my timey-wimey detector. Goes ding when there's stuff. Also it can boil an egg at thirty paces."

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect... but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff."

"'The Angels have the phone box'. That's my favourite; I've got that on a t-shirt!"

"Lonely Assassins, they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from, but they're as old as the Universe, or very nearly, and they have survived this long because they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved. They're quantum-locked. They don't exist when they're being observed. The moment they are seen by any other living creature, they freeze into rock. No choice, it's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing they literally turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone. 'Course, a stone can't kill you either, but...then you turn your head away. Then you blink, and oh yes it can!"

"Blimey, the end of the universe is a bit humbling."

"The drums, the drums, the drums, the never-ending drumbeat."

" Well, perfect to look at, maybe. And it was, it was beautiful. They used to call it the Shining World of the Seven Systems. And on the continent of Wild Endeavour, in the mountains of Solace and Solitude, there stood the Citadel of the Time Lords. The oldest and most mighty race in the universe. Looking down on the galaxies below, sworn never to interfere, only to watch. Children of Gallifrey were taken from their families at the age of eight, to enter the Academy. Some say that's where it all began, when he was a child. That's when the Master saw eternity. As a novice, he was taken for initiation. He stood in front of the Untempered Schism. It's a gap in the fabric of reality through which could be seen the whole of the vortex. We stand there, eight years old, staring at the raw power of Time and Space, just a child. Some would be inspired. Some would run away. And some would go mad."

"There's something else I've always wanted to say: Allons-y Alonso!"

"If you ever see a little blue box flying up there in the sky, you shout for me Gramps. Oh, you just shout."

"Now that's what I call a spaceship! You've got a box, he's got a Ferrari!"

"He is too skinny for words, you give him a hug, you get a paper cut!"

"About you? Oh, right from the start. Reduced iris contraction, slight thinning of the hair follicles on the left temple, and, frankly, you smell. You might as well have worn a t-shirt saying 'Clone' although maybe not in front of Captain Jack."

Donna: "You are completely impossible!"
The Doctor: "Not impossible...just a bit unlikely."

"He saves planets, rescues civilizations, defeats terrible creatures ... and runs a lot. Seriously, there is an outrageous amount of running involved."

"Well, you need to get yourself a better dictionary. When you do, look up 'genocide'. You'll find a little picture of me there, and the caption'll read 'Over my dead body'"

"You talk all the time but you never say anything."

"Oh! I love your stuff; what a mind! You fool me every time- well, almost every time-- WELL... Once or twice-- Well... once, but it was a good once!"

"It's a murder, a mystery and Agatha Christie!"

"When I say giant, I don't mean big. I mean FLIPPIN' ENORMOUS!"

"The Library. So big it doesn't need a name – just a great big 'the.' "

"Stay out of the shadows."

"AAAH! I'm thick! Look at me, I'm old and thick! Head's too full of stuff, I need a bigger head!"

"I'm a time traveller, I point and laugh at archaeologists."

"Almost every species in the universe has an irrational fear of the dark, but they're wrong, because it's not irrational."

"There's the real world and there's the world of nightmares."

" Daleks: Aim for the eye stalk. Sontarans: Back of the neck. Vashta Nerada...run. Just run."

"Don't play games with me. You just killed someone I liked, that is not a safe place to stand. I'm the Doctor and you're in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up!"

"This isn't my real body? ... But I've been dieting!"

"Roast beef. Bananas. The Medusa Cascade. BANG! Rose Tyler Martha Jones Donna Noble TARDIS! Shamble-bobble-dibble-dooble. Oh, Doctor, you're so handsome. Yes, I am, thank you. A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-"

"Sorry. I'm the Doctor, I'm very clever."

"He is coming... the Threefold Man. He dances in the lonely places, oh, Creator of us all...The Doctor is coming!!"

No bo ho sho ko ro to sho! Bo-ka-to-sa-go-bo-fo-bo-jo! Mo ho."

"The darkness is coming."

"The stars are going out."

" Exterminieren! Exterminieren! Halt! Sonst werden wir Sie exterminieren! Sie sind jetzt ein Gefangener der Daleks! Exterminieren! Exterminieren!" (" Exterminate! Exterminate! Stop! Otherwise we will exterminate! You are now a prisoner of the Daleks! Exterminate! Exterminate!")

"How many more? Just think, how many have died in your name? The Doctor. The man who keeps running, never looking back because he dare not, out of shame. This is my final victory, Doctor. I have shown you yourself."

"I'd thought we'd try the planet Felspoon, just 'cause. What a good name - Felspoon. It's got mountains that sway in the breeze, mountains that move, can you imagine?"

"I just want you to know, there are worlds out there, safe in the sky because of her. That there are people living in the light, and singing songs of Donna Noble. A thousand, million light years away. They will never forget her, while she can never remember. But for one moment... one shining moment... she was the most important woman in the whole wide universe."

"Do you wanna come with me? 'Cause if you do then I should warn you, you're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: The trip of a lifetime!"

"Anything I could do? I could make a tea, or is that not American enough? How about some grits? What are grits anyway?"


"So, a plan to assassinate some weird looking aliens with scissors. How very neutral of you. It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing. Rock crushes scissors! ...But paper covers rock ...and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum! Search them for paper, and bring me a rock."

The Supernaturalists

"The Parasites are natural. You can't fight nature."
"Thanks, Cosmo, that was a nice thing to say, but whales were natural and we sure got rid of them."

"Don't tell me the boy who irritates marshals for fun is afraid of heights."
"No, I'm afraid of the ground."

"Ziplock? You got the energy for one word, and that's the word you pick?"

"We, are the world's only Supernaturalists."
"What? You don't like clothes?"

'The Supernaturalists were no longer a secret organisation. There were adults involved now. The corporations were involving them in their schemes. The next thing you know, they'd all have dental plans and pensions.'

"Have you ever had, like, a conversation with another person before?"

"Lift off in ten? Is there a mission control somewhere that I didn't notice?"

"What are you doing here, Faustino? What is this madness?"
"Check your leader first. If I must explain this machine, I don't want to have to go through it all twice."

"My work here is officially unofficial."


"The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat."

"Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?"

“I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons."

Doctor Who

on phone
Captain Magambo: Doctor, this is Captain Erisa Magambo.
Captain Magambo: Might I say, sir, it's an honour.
The Doctor: Did you just salute?
Captain Magambo: pauses No.

"I'll just step inside this police box and arrest myself."

"Certain moments in time, are fixed. Everything else is in flux, anything can happen. But those certain moments, they have to stand. This base, on Mars, what happens here must always happen..."

"They said I was gonna die. They said he will knock four times. And I think I know what that means, but that doesn't mean right here, right now, because I don't hear anyone knocking do you?!" - knock. knock. knock. knock - (Awesomest quote ever)

Little Britain

"We all like a little bit of cake don't we. Now, if you have a cake, and only eat half of it, then it's half the calories, so you can eat twice as much!"

Doctor Who

"Before I die of old age, which in my case would be quite an achievement, so congratulations on that."


"Confidence in nonsense is a requirement for the creative process."

"In a crazy world, it's only your insanity that will keep you sane"

"I had nothing to offer anyone but my own confusion."

"We have to live our lives as if we are dying of a fatal disease. Because we are."

"Imagination is more important than knowledge."

"It's always more fun when you don't understand it."

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

"Poetry often enters through the window of irrelevance".

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those
who have not got it."

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!"

"Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do."

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if you think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem?"

"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."

"Earth is the insane asylum for the universe."

"I intend to live forever - so far, so good."

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak."

"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up."

"Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!"

"By the time you read this you've already read it."

Hermux Tantamoq Series

“It was one thing to be alone and facing certain death or worse at the hands of Dr Mennus, and it was another thing to be expected to do it without coffee.”

“But what about leaving you to die in the mousetrap?”
“Well, the detective in charge of the case tells me we can’t really prosecute her for rudeness.”

“Are you okay?”
“Oh. Sure. I guess. Maybe. Not really. I’m not. I’m miserable.”

“You left town and deserted Mirrin over a want ad for a cat king’s library?”

“I was under the impression that you were dead.”

“I wish I could make your little dreams come true. They probably won’t. And maybe it’s better that you just face it.”

“I’d like to get out of it alive. If you don’t mind.”
“Ah! But I’m afraid I do mind.”

“But it’s all a lie! You didn’t invent any of it!”
“Well, actually, Aunt Hissy did invent dynamite. Although she claims it was a baking accident.”

“Lucky for us that Hinkum is a little amateurish at this villain thing.”

“But you’re Hinkum Stepfitchler. Didn’t your great-great-great-great-grandfather or whatever invent geography?”

“At his sentencing, she had appeared as the tragic widow. Even though they weren’t married and he wasn’t dead.”

“Wouldn’t you just love to be buried like this? All this space just for you and with hundreds of people visiting you every day? Plus a gift shop? And postcards? Being dead wouldn’t be so bad.”

“I’m suing you for on-the-job injury!”
“I think I’ll sue for public humiliation!”
“I think I’ll sue for missing all the fun!”

“Your picture. I’m going to tape it to the cash register. I like seeing my customers in print.”
“Me too. But I prefer them conscious.”

“Of course it makes sense! Why would I be doing it if it didn’t make sense?”

“If I only did what I knew how to do, I’d never do anything at all.”

“This is crazy!”
“No, it’s not. It’s theatre.”

“Don’t trust anyone here! Anyone!”
“What about Oaf?”
“Don’t be stupid! Oaf’s been with me forever. Besides, he has no imagination.”

“Now I find out that I’ve been working for some dead movie star!”

“Coffee? Or would you like a nice wooden stake?”

“You can do a lot of things, can’t you? Minding your own business does not seem to be one of them.”

“We’re too busy growing roses and living lives like normal people.”

“Everyone who’s anyone will be there, including me, naturally!”

‘Killium Wollar might have been a nice-looking mouse if it weren’t for his appearance. And he might have been a likeable mouse if it weren’t for his personality.’

“Dead? He’s not dead. Even he wouldn’t be that thoughtless!”

‘It was time to go to Plan B. Unfortunately, Plan B didn’t exist.”

Doctor Down Under

‘"Oh, we so should... but how are we going to kill a character that’s fictional in our world?" asked Willow grabbing a random book of the shelf and chucking it away.
"Well... we could have her written out of the script somehow... or kill the actor, but that's a little extreme." said Ella picking up the book that had been thrown and balancing it on her head.
"Well, how do we make sure River Song is never written... that would cause a massive paradox!" said Willow clapping her hands excitedly.
"You know, normal people wouldn't find the thought of a paradox fun." said the Doctor dryly.’

‘“Do you realize that going into the past can affect the future?! You could change the future of the human race!” Ella and Willow glanced at each other, raising their eyebrows.
“And…?” asked Ella pulling the hand brake of the TARDIS.
“I should have known it wasn’t going to be that easy.” Sighed the Doctor.’

‘“GLABDOF NO!” The Doctor shouted for apparently no reason.’


‘“Wait, wait wait wait, stop, hang on!” said the Doctor painstakingly. “How will killing anyone restore the universe?? That makes no sense! And if it makes no sense to me then it doesn’t make sense!”
And then the author of this story gave the Doctor a different view.
“WAIT! I know now, of course, this makes perfect sense, what a wonderful solution!” said the Doctor knowingly.’

'“Googllenessly.” Muttered the Doctor as he came too.
“Indeed.” Said JoJo from the other side of the room.'

“I wrote it!” exclaimed the author indignantly.
“But I lived it!” said the Doctor.
“And I… feel left out…” said Jo Jo who was sulking in the corner.

Maximum Ride Series

"Note to self: Give subconscious a pep talk, re: better dreams."

"Could the School be located in a more perfect place? Death Valley. Above the Badwater Basin. Like, when we got there, we'd see a road paved with good intentions, and have to cross the river Styx to get in."

"A thoughtful burglar, that's me."

"Oh no - years of Max influence are taking their toll. You sound like just like her. You're like, a Maxlet. A Maxketeer."

"I made one of my famous snap decisions, the kind that everyone remembers for being either the stupidest dumb-butt thing they ever saw, or else the miraculous saving of the day. I seem to hear more about the first kind. That's gratitude for you."

'"I take it you don't want me to call your parents?"
"Uh, no" Hello, lab? May I speak to a test tube, please?'

"Amazingly she was trying to act casual, like, oh, okay, you have a wing. No biggie."

"In case you're wondering, it's still a dump."
"It's always been a dump. That's why we like it."

He literally licked his chops and rubbed his huge, hairy hands together, as if he'd learned how to be a bad guy from cartoons."

"I feel like, like pudding. Pudding, with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain."

"We were in a top-secret facility in the middle of Death Valley, officially called 'freaking nowhere' on any map, and yet he managed to produce marshmallows."

"You have a destiny that you can't imagine."
"Maybe I can't imagine it because I'm not a complete nutcase."

"In the dictionary, next to the word 'tension,' there is a picture of a mid-sized mutant stuck inside a dog crate, wondering if her destiny is to be killed or to save the world. Okay, not really. But it should be."

"Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What've you been eating, rocks?"
"Why, is your head missing some?"

"I lead the way out to the crowd, trying to look casual, like, fly? Me? Nah."

"He looked faintly disapproving, but not like he wanted to rip our lungs out, so I figured he wasn't an Eraser."

"It's always refreshing to meet someone crazier than us. We seem so normal, afterward."

"Do you hear that, Voice? If you're going to make me let everyone down, you're going to be sorry you ever... entered my brain. Oh, my God, I was so freaking nuts."

"It was the building from the drawing in my brain. If you don't think that's a weird sentence, maybe you should reread it."

"Jason wrote it all down, looking like he was enduring an hour-long eye-poke."

"Like my bedroom was charming. Charming! What did I know about charming? I'd never called anything charming before in my life."

"It's just so beautiful here," Nudge said, gazing at the untrustable rolling hills, the dark secret-concealing orchard, the pond (see above rant re pond), the small, literally babbling brook that ran into the pond. "Like the Garden of Eden."
"Yeah, and that turned out so well."

"I had made a friend. My second one in fourteen years. I was on a roll."

"Later I sat at the table doing my homework, which is just another term for 'grown-up-imposed yet self-inflicted torture.' "

"Yeah? You mean the wings? Or was it the infiltrating-your-brain part?"

"I was impressed. Vermin was a new one on me, and I'd been called everything from arrogant to zealous."

"What Anne didn't get was that only weeks ago we'd been sleeping in subway tunnels and scrounging for food. So being 'grounded' and not able to watch TV was, like, meaningless."

"Fang! This is huge break! Of course we should go check it out."
He looked at me. "But we're grounded," he said with a straight face.
I stared at him for a second, and then we both burst out laughing."

"What if it's my first turkey and our first Thanksgiving together and it's awful and dry and we all hate it?"
"Well, no doubt that would be symbolic of our whole lifetime together."

"A nondescript black sedan pulled to a stop by the house. A black sedan. What a cliche."

"I thought of all the nights she'd tucked us in, the many disastrous attempts to put dinner on the table. How she'd bought us clothes, books, art supplies. She'd held Nudge when she cried, she'd patched up Gazzy's skinned knees. You know what? I'd done all that stuff too. And I was better at it. And, bonus, I wasn't evil."

"Part of my becoming? Congratulations. You're part of my becoming pissed off."

"You know what they say: curiosity killed the mutant bird kid."

"It was a huge change from, say, Erasers, who mainly showed us how to not be clumsy, predatory idiots."

"Ari felt like, Hellooo, I have wings! I turn into a wolf! Blending is out of the question!"

"You've got a date with destiny. Don't be late."
"Is that a movie quote? Or is it an actual date? I don't remember destiny asking me. I never even gave destiny my phone number."

"It's funny how different people are. If I'd been this kid and someone was snarling 'Ordering a pizza?' at me, without even thinking, I would have snarled back, 'Yeah. You want pepperoni?"

"Disney World? They're not on vacation! They're on the run! They're running for their lives! Death is following them like a bullet, and they're on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad?"

"Please do not let my last moments on earth be me crammed into a tiny boat in the dark, surrounded by mechanical singing pirates."
"Yes, that would be cruel."

Gazzy: "Why does the dog get to sit in your lap?"
Total: "Oh. 'The dog.' Very nice."

"Through our sheer instinct and heightened powers of deduction, we had zeroed in on the place that might hold some answers for us. Heightened powers of deduction meaning being able to read all the signs on the highway saying 'Itex - Exit 398.'

"Was I dead? If I was dead, I was going to be incredibly pissed because there was no way I could deal with this limitless nothingness for an hour, much less eternity. No one had said death would be so intensely boring."

"But I have to tell you, you need to get on board with this saving-the-world project."
"I'll try to pencil it in."

"Show them you've got what it takes."
"I'll show them I've got what it takes to rip your spleen out through your nose."

"I hoped I wasn't truly dead. That would make finding our parents and saving the world really hard."

"I, Maximum Ride, was dead, and nobody seemed to have noticed. Maybe I really was dead. I was starting to not really care one way or another."

"Did you know that wasn't me, the other Max?"
"Right away."
"How? We look identical. She even had identical scars and scratches. She was wearing my clothes. How could you tell us apart?"
"She offered to cook breakfast."

"Funny, you didn't look insane when you got up this morning."

"Fang? Are you - like Max?"
"Nope, I'm the smart one."

'I had no Spring Fling in my date book. Mostly I had 'kick Eraser butt,' 'destroy evil School,' 'save world,' stuff like that."

"Even though the Voice had been kind of helpful sometimes, I still wanted everyone out of my head except me. Which is such a pathetic sentence, one that not a lot of people need to say."

"I mean, points for the jail cell. Kudos for the Velcro straps. Those were good starts. But you're sort of falling down with the chocolate-chip cookies. Like, did you skip school the day they taught hostage treatment?"

"Does it feel like you've been through a lot?"
"Yeah. Kind of. And sadly, I'm still going through it."

"Max, I've got something to tell you that I know is going to be hard to believe."
"You're not evil? You're not the worst lying, cheating, betraying jerk I've ever met?"

"The truth is, Max, that nothing is as it seems."
"Uh-huh. Is that what the aliens told you when you quit wearing your foil hat?"

"The truth is, Max, that you're at the School."
"No freaking duh. And uh, wait - let me guess - I'm some kind of bird-kid hybrid. And you captured me. And, and, I'm strapped to a hospital bed. I bet I even have wings. Am I right?"

"Retire as in kill? Is that how you live with yourselves? By using euphemisms for death and murder? In today's news, seven people were 'retired' in a horrific accident on Highway Seventeen... Jimmy, don't retire that bird with your shotgun... Please, sir, don't retire me! You can have my wallet! How's that working out for you?

ter Borcht: "Ve need to gather some final data. Den you will be exterminated."
Max: "Ooh. If I had boots on, I'd be quaking in them."
Max: "No, really. Totally quaking, I promise. You're really a very scary man."
ter Borcht: " First you! Vhat other abilites do you haf?"
Gazzy: "I have X-ray vision."
ter Borcht: "Don't write dat down!" he told his assistant.
ter Borcht: "Do you haf any qualities dat distinguish you in any way?"
Nudge: "You mean, like, besides the wings?"
ter Borcht: "Yes. Besides de vings."
Nudge: "Hmm. Besides de vings. Um...I once at nine Snickers bars in one sitting. Without barfing. That was a record!"
ter Borcht: "Hardly a special talent."
Nudge: "Yeah? Let's see you do it."
Gazzy: -imitates ter Borcht- I vill now eat nine Snickers bars, visout bahfing."
ter Borcht: "Mimicry. Write that down."
ter Borcht: "Does anysing on you vork properly?"
Iggy: "Well, I have a highely developed sense of irony."
ter Borcht: "You are a liability to your group. I assume you alvays hold on to someone's shirt, yes? Follow dem closely?"
Iggy: "Only when I'm trying to steal their dessert."
Max: "Write that down. He's a notorious dessert stealer."
ter Borcht: You don't speak much do you?"
Fang: "..."
ter Borcht: "Vhy do you let a girl be ze leader?"
Fang: "She's the tough one."
ter Borcht: "Is dere anysing special about you? Anysing vorth saving?"
Fang: "Besides my fashion sense? I play a mean harmonica."
ter Borcht: "Vhy haf you trained dem to act stupid dis vay?"
Max: "Why do you still let your mother dress you?"
ter Borcht: I created you. As de saying goes, I brought you into dis world, and I vill take you out of it."
Gazzy: "I vill now destroy de Snickuhs bahrs!"

"Now, let's say they come get us."
"And, like, the halls are full of zebras."
"And suddenly tons of bubbles are everywhere."
"And then everyone starts eating beef jerky."
"Yeah. I'll grab a zebra; Gaz, you fill the bubbles with your trademark scent, so people are choking and gagging; and let's throw beef jerky right into their eyes! Now, that's a plan!"

"Buckingham Palace. Where the Queen lives. And Mr. Queen."

"We're famous."
"So's Swine Flu."

"Wait, don't tell me. We're gonna break in, steal some stuff, break some stuff, almost get caught, and then escape in some dangerous, dramatic way."

"Perfect. Finally, after fourteen years, I meet my mother, and she's a raving lunatic."

"Take them to the place that I prepared. You know what to do once you get there."
'In the English/Mad-scientist dictionary, you can translate 'place I prepared as 'dank ominous dungeon.' Literally a freaking dungeon! And the 'you know what to do' part translated to 'chain them all to the walls like medieval prisoners.'

"Well, well. Fancy meeting you. Come here often? How's the food?"

"I still can't believe I don't have a clone."
"You're undupliacatable."
"I doubt it. I mean, maybe it wouldn't talk, maybe it would just go arf, but still. Like, what, they couldn't bother?"

Scientist: "Tell us about your sense of direction. How does it work?"
Max: "Well, it's like I have a GPS inside me. One of the talking ones. I tell it where I want to go, and it tells me, Go twenty miles, turn left, take Exit Ninety-four, and so on. It can be pretty bossy, frankly."
Scientist: "Really?"
Max: "No, you idiot. I don't know how it works. I just know it has an unfailing ability to point me in the opposite direction of a bunch of boneheads."
Scientist: "How high can you fly?"
Max: "I'm not sure. Let me check my tummy altimeter. -checks stomach- That's funny. It was here this morning..."
Scientist: "As high as a plane?"
Nudge: "Higher."
Scientist: "Higher than a plane?"
Nudge: "Yep. We can go so high that we can't even hear the rubber band making the little propeller go around - thwip, thwip, thwip. You meant a toy plane right?"

"In the meantime, we're going to work on a serious attitude adjustment."
"Basically, I have two speeds. Hostile or smart-aleck. Your choice."

"Oh, my God, I was so badass. It was all I could do not to give a mwa ha ha ha!"

"I'm one hundred and seven years old."
"Huh. And yet you don't look a day over a hundred and five."

Dr. Martinez: "And Max, I've put some scraps in a bowl for your dog. It's on the floor, by the back door."
Total: "A bowl on the floor! Why don't you just chain me to a stake in the yard and throw me a bone!"
Max: "Uh, well, they didn't expect--"
Total: "No, no, it's fine! Just put an old towel on the floor for me to sleep on! Listen, I've been practicing my barking! Arf! Or is it bowwow? I can never remember."

"It's a baby plane. It's going to grow up to be a seven forty-seven one someday."

"No, no, don't stop me. Certain things must be said. I always swore I'd face death with dignity and honour."
"No, you didn't! You always said you'd fight it tooth and nail! You said you'd go out kicking and screaming!"

"Akila, I was glad to see, was looking relatively undamaged - though haughty, as if all this being captured was okay for ordinary mutants, but not for a purebred Malmute whose mother had once won the Iditarod dog sled race."

Nudge: "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"
Max: "What? What?"
Nudge: "It's just seeds! Not even like a granola bar. It's birdseed!"
Max: "Oh, God, no! Don't make me laugh!"
Gazzy: "Nummy! Could I get some worms with this?"
Max: "Stop! Stop!"
Iggy: "What? Seeds? Is this really birdseed? Cause we're birds?"
Max: "I'm nodding, Ig."
Fang: "This is too much. Too much! Birdseed! Oh, God."
Max: "What's for dessert? Caterpillars?"
Gazzy: "Did they bring us a bunch of nesting material? Cause I'm beat."

"The Uber-Director is auctioning you off to the highest bidder. He expects you to bring a great deal of money."
..."What, eBay isn't good enough for us?"

'"Max!" said Steve, holding out his hand. "May I call you Max?

..."Max, I mean - Max," Steve said, with no idea what else to call me.'

"But I admit, it did my heart proud to see the instant blood-lust pop in Gazzy's blue eyes and to see little Angel automatically tense up and get into fighting stance, ready to rip someone's head off. They were just so - so dang adorable sometimes."

"Because when it comes right down to it, in the end, when push comes to shove and my back's against the wall, when I can't think of another freaking cliche to throw your way, the only person I really, really, really trust, no matter what, is me."

"Do you want to know what's the closest thing to feeling the most powerful you can feel? Flying alone at night. Risky. Nothing but you and the wind. Soaring way above everything, slicing through the air like a sword. Up and up until you feel like you could grab a star and hold it to your chest like a burning, spiky thing...
Oh, the poetry of a bird kid."

"There was a tiny skylight. Could I - Oh. Max no fly. Bummer."

"I am sorry that you and the flock will be dead soon. But my scientists will enjoy taking you apart to find out what makes you tick."
"If your scientists take me apart, clearly I won't be ticking anymore."

Max: "I do not 'go charging off!'"
John Abate: "Yes, you do."
Total: "Your middle name is 'Charging Off' "

"You could lock the Gasman in a padded cell with some dental floss and a bowl of jelly, and he'd find a way to make something explode."

"Did you leave the flamethrowers lying around again?"
"I always forget."

"I'm brilliant! I'm a genius! I can blow up the world!
-coughs-...Not that I would want to, of course."

Max: "I do not charge off!"
Total: "Maximum 'Charging Off' Ride."

"People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results."

Angel: "Excuse me. What does LTC stand for?"
Gazzy: "Loving Tender Care?"

"You know and I know that Angel is two parts adorable blond cherub, two parts unholy demon, and two parts of something completely indefinable but even scarier. Most people only see the cute little girl. The lucky ones."

"We stood around waiting, along with the rest of the class, which now stared at us as if we were freaks. Oh, wait - that was because we are."

"She's a child!"
"She's a sneaky and devious child. Plus, you know, I think she zapped the guards. With her mind. She can hear people's thoughts and sometimes control them. It's weird, it's scary, but there you go. You guys never had a chance."

"Oh! Is this the ocean?"
"It keeps cropping up. What with the islandness and all."

"Angel was holding up her hand in the universal 'stop shark attack' gesture. She was frowning sternly at the sharks, one hand on her hips. 'Oh no you don't!" she gurgled loudly, right at the three huge man-eaters. They stopped, and if they'd been on dry land, they would have skidded. As it was, they came to an abrupt surprised stop, inches away from the three bird kids. Angel shook her finger at them, in the universal gesture for "Bad! bad shark!"

"I felt like I hardly had room to breathe. It was like, Hello, Claustrophobia? It's me, Max."

"Besides the swimming child with gills, I'm not seeing anything unusual here."

"We have Maximum Ride in custody. Sign this, and we will let her go."
"If you've got Max in custody, then you have my sympathy."

The Hunger Games

"But in District Twelve , where the word tribute is pretty much synonymous with the word corpse, volunteers are all but extinct."

"Maybe if I had thanked him at some point, I'd be feeling less conflicted now. I thought about it a couple of times, but the opportunity never seemed to present itself. And now it never will. Because we're going to be thrown into an arena to fight to the death. Exactly how am I supposed to work in a thank you in there? Somehow it just won't seem sincere if I'm trying to slit his throat."

'Then we move on to camouflage. Peeta genuinely seems to enjoy this station, swirling a combination of mud and clay and berry juices around on his pale skin, weaving disguises from vines and leaves.
"I do the cakes."
"The cakes?"
"At home. The iced ones, for the bakery."
"It's lovely. If only you could frost someone to death."

"Cinna and Portia aren't around, so there's no one to add any sanity to the meals."

'Rue, who when you ask her what she loves the most in the world, replies, of all things, "Music."
In our world, I rank music somewhere between hair ribbons and rainbows in terms of usefulness.'

"His face and arms are so artfully disguised to be invisible.
'I guess all those hours decorating cakes paid off.'
'Yes, frosting. The final defence of the dying."

"Although for all I know, I am killing you."
"Can you speed it up a little?"
"No. Shut up and eat your pears."

"The smell of blood...it was on his breath. What does he do? I think. Drink it? I imagine him sipping it from a teacup. Dipping a cookie into the stuff and pulling it out dripping red."

"My smile, while somewhat insane, is not forced."

"I rank Gamemakers somewhere below maggots in terms of creatures I want in contact with my skin."

"Poor Finnick. Is this the first time in your life you haven't looked pretty?"
"It must be. The sensation's completely new. How have you managed it all these years?"
"Just avoid mirrors. You'll forget about it."
"Not if I keep looking at you."

"The only thing that distracts me from my current situation is fantasising about killing President Snow. Not very pretty daydreams for a seventeen-year-old girl, I guess, but very satisfying."

'A parachute comes down with a pile of bite-sized square-shaped rolls.'
"Let's each have three, and whoever is still alive at breakfast can take a vote on the rest."

"I doubt they'll figure out our plan, since we can barely understand it ourselves."

Alone On A Wide Wide Sea

"Death, I discovered that day, is not frightening, because it is utterly still. And it is still because death, when it comes, is always over. There's only terror in it if you fear it, and ever since my first death, Wes' death, I have never feared it. It is simply the end of a story, and if you've loved the story then it is sad. And sometimes, as it was with Wes, it is an agony of sadness. Wes did not look as if he was asleep. He did not look at peace. He was too still for that, and too pale."

"That was why I took my lucky key out of my pocket and clutched it tight, so tight that it hurt me. I wanted to squeeze the luck out of it, to have all of it now because I needed it now more than ever before in my life."

"I began to worry that maybe even my lucky key would not be enough. So I prayed as well. I thought of Ida, then of all she had done for us, the trouble she'd be in if Piggy found out she'd unlocked the door for us. I felt for the little wooden cross I wore around my neck. I touched it, remembering her. And then holding it I prayed for her. But if I'm honest, I think I prayed mostly for myself. Whether it was the key or the cross that did it I shall never know. I've been trying to work that one out ever since. I still am."

"Memory is a great and powerful magician. It plays tricks on you that you simply can't understand, no matter how hard you try to work them out."

"They took me to see him in hospital. It wasn't Marty. It was just his body. I felt nothing then. I tried to feel something; I stayed there with him for hours. But you can't feel emptiness."

"But this is the end of the story, the story of me. What will happen to me soon is the end of everyone's story. Not a happy ending, not a sad ending. Just an ending."

"I was six hours out there in space. I was busy, but I had plenty of time to look around me. That was when I guess I really understood for the first time the immensity of place, and the timelessness of it, the stillness of it."

Doctor Down Under

“Anyway… didn’t we kill… erm… f-“
“Willow how many times…”
“-olentine… we didn’t kill her did we…”
“…Folentine isn’t even a word..”
“Sure it is, it means the same thing as F-“
Ella raised her eyebrows.
“-olentine.” Finished Willow.

Catch That Kid

"You understand what happens if we get caught, right? We'll go to jail forever. Like until we're 21."


"Without plants, the cows have nothing to eat. If the cows have nothing to eat, they're gonna die. If the cows die, we have no milk. If we have no milk, then how are we supposed to eat cookies?! See, is that the world you want to live in? A world without cookies...and oxygen?"

(Okay, yes I am obsessed with quotes. Live with it)

Chaser's War On Everything

"Well, I went to one of those two dollar shops the other day. Loved it. Everything's two dollars, how can you possibly resist? I immediately bought this road sign with a platypus on it."

"(In front of an Armani store) Boutique, boutique, boutique bargains! Here today at Giorgio Armani's. Men's suits, ties, leisurewear, from as little as 5000 a piece! Come on in and grab a bargain! That's right shoppers, it's thousand dollar madness!"

"Now, look, for those who came in late, the whole controversy began when Kevin Rudd was given a Mazda ute by his car dealer mates during the last election."
"I can't believe he drives a ute."
"I can't believe he has a mate."

"And can I just say, only in Australia could we have a scandal called 'Utegate'! For God's sake, what's next, 'Uggbootgate'? 'Case-of-VB-gate'? It's very embarrassing, isn't it!?"

"Howard and Rudd don't go anywhere without a blue backdrop behind them."

"Confused? I certainly elephant"

"(Of Chris) Which fat, hairy animal was the camel?"

"Attention shoppers, we have a very special offer today. For the next 5 seconds, everything in store is free. That's right, absolutely no charge at all, everything is free for the next... Actually, sorry, that offer has concluded. Thank you very much for your attention."

"Could all security staff please make their way to ladies wear as I'm about to shoplift in mens and its really hard to do with all of you hanging around."

"(about APEC security) So here I am, Osama Bin Laden, standing 10 metres away from (George) Bush's hotel and what do they do? They arrest the other guy!"


"Developer One: Maybe if we put something to read on the load screen, people wouldn’t notice the load time."
Developer Two: That’s a stupid idea. You’re an idiot."

Little Miss Sunshine

"Everyone just...pretend to be normal!"

"Oh, hey Olive. Wow, you're getting big, almost like a real person."


"Do you want to play a game? It's called See Who Can Go the Longest Without Saying Anything."
"Cool! My mum loves that game!"

"This is crazy. I finally meet my childhood hero and he's trying to kill us. What a joke."
Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, "I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead." Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead."


"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."

The Enemy

"All around terrible things were happening, worse than Doctor Who, worse than even a film."

"A group of little kids had adopted Godzilla." (If you don't think that's a weird sentence, maybe you should reread it)

"You ain't my king. I never voted for you."
"You don't vote for a king." (Ha ha, so similar to Monty Python's)

Arthur: "I am your king!"
Woman: "Well, I didn't vote for you."
Arthur: "You don't vote for kings."

moving on...

The Book Thief

"Here Is A Small Fact
You are going to die.
I am in all truthfulness attempting to be cheerful about this whole topic, though most people find themselves hindered in believing me, no matter my protestations. Please, trust me. I most definitely can be cheerful. I can be amiable. Agreeable. Affable. And that's only the A's. Just don't ask me to be nice. Nice has nothing to do with me."

"The last time I saw her was red. The sky was like soup, boiling and stirring. In some places, it was burned. There were black crumbs, and pepper, streaked across the redness."

"Himmel = Heaven. Whoever named Himmel street certainly had a healthy sense of irony. Not that it was a living hell. It wasn't. But it sure as hell wasn't heaven either."

"The buildings appear to be glued together, mostly small houses and unit blocks that look nervous. THere is murky snow spread out like carpet. There is concrete, empty hatstand trees, and grey air." (awesome imagery)

"A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship."

“He was the crazy one who had painted himself black and defeated the world. She was the book thief without the words. Trust me, though, the words were on their way, and when they arrived, Liesel would hold them in her hands like the clouds, and she would wring them out like rain.”

"The orange flames waved at the crowd as paper and print dissolved inside them. Burning words were torn from their sentences."

"Grimly, she realised that clocks don't make a sound that even remotely resembles ticking, tocking. It was more the sound of an inverted hammer, hacking methodically at the earth. It was the sound of a grave. It only mine was ready now, she thought."

"He was the second snowman to be melting away before her eyes, only this one was different. It was a paradox. The colder he became, the more he melted."

"That was when Rudy stepped in, the eternal stepper-inner. Why couldn't he just mind his own business for a change?"

"The book thief only saw the mechanics of the words - their bodies stranded on the paper, beaten down for her to walk on."

"Now more than ever, 33 Himmel street was a place of silence, and it did not go unnoticed that the Duden Dictionary was completely and utterly mistaken, especially with its related words. Silence was not quiet or calm, and it was not peace."

"A Small Piece of Truth
I do not carry a sickle or scythe.
I only wear a hooded black robe when it's cold.
And I don't have those skull-like
Facial features you seem to enjoy
Pinning on me from a distance. You
Want to know what I truly look like?
I'll help you out. Find yourself
A mirror while I continue."

"There was once a strange, small man. He decided three important details about his life:
- He would part his hair form the opposite side to everyone else.
- He would find himself a small, strange moustahce.
- He would one day rule the world."

"It kills me sometimes, how people die." --Death

"The sky was dripping. Like a tap that a child has tried its hardest to turn off but hadn't quite managed."

"The voice amazed her. It made the endless sky into a ceiling just above his head, and the words bounced back, landing somewhere on the floor of limping Jewish feet."

"She had seen her brother die with one eye open, one still in a dream. She had said goodbye to her mother and imagined her lonely wait for a train back home to oblivion. A woman of wire had laid herself down, her scream travelling down the street till it fell sideways like a rolling coin starved of momentum. A young man was hung by a rope made of Stalingrad snow. She had watched a bomber pilot die in a metal case. She had seen a Jewish man who had twice given her the most beautiful pages of her life, marched to a concentration camp.
Those images were the world, and it stewed in her as she sat with the lovely books and their manicured titles. It brewed in her as she eyed the pages full to the brims of their bellies with paragraphs and words.
You bastards, she thought. You lovely bastards.
Don't make me happy. Please, don't fill me up and let me think that something good can come of any of this. Look at my bruises. Look at this graze. Do you see the graze inside me? Do you see it growing before your very eyes, eroding me? I don't want to hope for anything anymore. I don't want to pray that Max is alive and safe. Or Alex Steiner.
Because the world does not deserve them."

"She tore a page from the book and ripped it in half. Then a chapter. Soon there was nothing but scraps of words littered between her legs and all around her. The words. Why did they have to exist? Without them, there wouldn't be any of this. Without words, the Fuhrer (Hitler) was nothing. There would be no limping prisoners, no need for consolation or wordly tricks to make us feel better. What good were the words? She said it audibly now, to the orange-lit room. 'What good are the words?'"

Monty Python's Holy Grail

God: "What are you doing now?"
King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord."
God: "Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, always so depressing. Now knock it off!"

"Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who."

God: "Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"... "

"What makes you think she's a witch?"
"Well, she turned me into a newt!"
"A newt?"
"... I got better."

"One day, lad, all this will be yours."
What, the curtains?"
No, not the curtains, lad, all that you can see stretched out over the valleys and the hills! That'll be your kingdom, lad."

"We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni."
We are now the Knights who say... ”Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm."

"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu..."
"Skip a bit, Brother..."
"And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

"You only killed the bride's father, you know."
Well, I didn't mean to."
Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head."
Oh dear... is he all right?"

" ...You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... WITH... A HERRING! "

"A year passed: winter changed into spring, spring changed into summer, summer changed back into winter, and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn... until one day..."

Artemis Fowl Series

"Don't worry, chief. It's like riding a unicorn. You never forget."

"You're mad!"
"If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose then I'm mad. That's the way history is written."

"This criminal mastermind, the one behind this elaborate scheme..."
"Yes? What about him?"
"Well, he's only twelve years old. And that's young, even for a human."
"Too much damned TV. Thinks he's Sherlock Holmes."
"That's Professor Moriarty."
"Holmes, Moriarty, they both look the same with the flesh scorched off their skulls."

"Butler rolled his eyes. Different race, same macho cliches."

"No, Foaly! There isn't something! None of your bright ideas, thank you very much. Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!"

"One iris-cam. What colour? Hmm. Mud brown. That might irritate you. Try not to rub or it could end up in the back of your eye. Then we'd be looking into your head, and there's nothing interesting in there, heaven knows."

"Foaly?" Mulch pointed his wired eyeball at the nearest camera.
"Can you do anything about those?"
The dwarf heard the sound of a keyboard being manipulated, and suddenly his right eye zoomed like a camera lens.
"Handy. I've got to get me one of these."
"No chance, convict. Government issue. Anyway, what would you do with one in prison? Get a close-up of the other side of your cell?"

"Foaly? You there?"
"No! I have much better things to do than worry about the collapse of civilisation as we know it."

"If this guy was so clever, why did he put the safe behind a painting? Such a cliche."

"If only his mother could see him now, spraying mud on the Mud people. That was irony, or something like it."

"What's this? A circus?"
"No, Julius. It's the end of the circus."
"I see. And these are the clowns?"
"Pardon me for interrupting your extended circus metaphor, but what the hell is that?"

"At the risk of sounding cliched, I've been expecting you."

"No self-respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead even using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a databases of witty responses for occasions such as this."

"Now came the stalk. Once a scent had been acquired, the predator would attempt a slow silent approach, before the lightning strike. But apparently the troll had not read the predator's handbook, because it didn't bother with the stealth approach, jumping directly to the lightning strike."

"Clear. I'm going in. Foaly, have you got your ears on?"
"I'm right there with you. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room."

"So even though his involvement with the goblin uprising during his fourteenth year, was to be traumatic, terrifying and dangerous, it was probably the best thing that could have happened. At least he spent some time outdoors and got to meet some new people. It's a pity most of them were trying to kill him."

"This is a sensitive area. For all you know, I could be suffering from depression."
"I suppose you could. Is that the case?"
"It's my mother, Doctor."
"Your mother?"
"My mother, she..."
"Your mother, yes?"
"She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellours are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees."

"There's so much irony here, I could write a poem. The kidnapper looking for help with a kidnapping."

"If this man really is young Fowl's father, they boy will pay up. When you get the money, dump them both in the Kola (Bay). I don't want any survivors to start a vendetta. Call me if there's any trouble."
"Ok, boss."
"Oh, and one more thing."
"Don't call me."

"The party emerged into the Arctic night looking for all the world like an adult and three children. Albeit three children with inhuman weaponry clacking under every loose fold of cloth."

"They nearly made it. Of course, nearly never won a bucket of squid at gnommish roulette."

"Opal. How nice to see you. How are the folks?"
"Very well, thanks. Cumulus House is a lovely asylum."

"We're not giving up, Artemis. We're regrouping. There's a difference. We'll be back. Remember, it's always darkest before the dawn."
"What dawn? We're in the Arctic remember."

"Why don't you fill me in on your plan, Briar? Isn't that what the power-crazed villain usually does?"

"At the risk of sounding cliched, Briar, you'll never get away with this."

"The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed, with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end."

"We're being led by an idiot with a crayon."

"'Now I simply reprogram the cannons to target your friends, return power to the LEP cannons, and take over the world. And nobody can get in here to stop me.' Of course, you should never say something like that, especially when you're an arch-villain. It's just asking for trouble."

"Thanks again to Foaly and his mind-wiping technology.
'Why don't I just move in with you? Do your ironing while I'm at it.'"

"Hello there, young man. Would you like to see the children's menu?"
"No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it."

"You are stupid, let's just accept that and move on."

"Holly, it's you."
"I know it's me."

"A conscience was the last thing he needed right now. Next thing you knew, he'd be selling cookies for the Girl Guides."

"So, Mister Digence, home to visit the family?"
"That's right. My mother's folks are from Killarney."
"Oh, really?"
"O'Rielly, actually. But what's a vowel between friends."

"Maybe the fairy dwarfs were some kind of gang. Although it wasn't much of a gang name. The fairy dwarfs were hardly going to strike terror into the heart of the competition."

"I have no doubt that whatever plan Artemis concocts will feature yours truly. Probably in some ridiculously dangerous capacity."

"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

"Marlene, send in a pot of coffee, and no low-caffeine junk either. I want the real thing.'
'But, Mister Spiro, your doctors said...'
Spiro waited for his secretary to realise who she was arguing with.
'I'm sorry, sir. Right away, sir."

"You're right, of course. I am the mastermind here. Thinking is my responsibility, not yours."
"Was that an insult?"

"That's dead, right?"
"Dead or incapaci...incatacip...broken."

"But buried alive?! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know, the one with all the horror."
"I think I saw that one. With all the words going up the screen at the end?"
"Yeah, that was it. Tell you the truth, those words kinda ruined it for me."

"Sushi? That's raw fish. You ever have that, buddy?"
"Yeah. I bought some in the supermarket once."
"Was it good?"
"Yeah. I threw it in the deep-fat fryer for ten minutes. Not bad."
"Sushi. It's good with french fries."

"In order to do the moment justice, it has to be described in slow motion."

"I love this guy. He's like the brother I never had."
"I thought you had a brother?"
"Ok. He's like a brother I actually like."

"You look after yourself, little friend. Stay clear of goblins."
"You don't have to tell me that."
"Maybe you two would like to get married. I don't know what all the emotion is about. In ten minutes you people won't even remember this convict's name!"

"Guarding Opal Koboi was about as exciting as watching toenails grow."

"And you, Foaly. I'm authorising a surveillance upgrade. Whatever you need. I want to hear every call Artemis makes and every letter he sends."
"But, Julius. I supervised his mind wipe myself. It was a sweet job. I scooped out his fairy memories cleaner than a goblin sucking a snail out of its shell. It we were to turn up at Artemis's front door dancing the cancan, he still wouldn't remember us."
"One, don't call me Julius. Two, do what I say, horsy boy, or I'll have your budget slashed. And three, what in Frond's name is the cancan?"

"Mulch was free...as free as you can in a prison sub with three thousand crushing metres of water overhead."

"Hey, convict, what are you doing? Are you sucking in all the air?"
"Who, me? That's ridiculous."
"He's up to something. Look his hair is all shiny. I bet this is one of those secret dwarf acts."
"What? Air sucking and shiny hair? I'm not surprised we kept it a secret."

"Do you have a plan?"
"Yes. Find Holly and Artemis."
"Pure genius.. It's a wonder you need Artemis at all."

"This is a booty box. The term was coined by vegetable smugglers, over eight thousand years ago. A secret compartment that would go unnoticed by Customs officials. OF course these days, with X-ray, infrared and motion-sensitive cameras, a booty box isn't much good. Unless, of course, the box is completely constructed from stealth ore, refrigerated and equipped with internal projectors to fool X-ray and infrared. The only way to detect this booty box is to put your foot in it. So even if the LEP did board my shuttle, they would not find whatever it is I am choosing to smuggle - which in this case is a jar of chocolate truffles. Hardly illegal, but the cooler is full. Chocolate truffles are my passion, you know. All that I was away, truffles were one of two things I craved. The other was revenge."
"How fascinating. A secret compartment. What a genius you are. How can you fail to take over the world with a booty box full of truffles?"

"It may interest you to know that your chosen human name, Belinda, means 'beautiful snake'. Also rather fitting. Half of it, at any rate."

"There was a message on this disc for me. You left yourself a message too."
"At last. Some intelligent conversation."

"The core probe. Impossible. Can't get through crust. Don't have enough iron."
"We can't get through the crust. We don't have enough iron. Speak properly, for heaven's sake. It's trying enough speaking Mud Man without listening to your gibberish. Honesty, you human geniuses are not all you're cracked up to be."
"I think we should dig under the wind farm."
"Very good, Daddy. If you did there, I will be ever so happy."
"Ever so happy. Belinda, my little girl. Papers are in bureau."
"The papers are in the bureau. If you persist with this baby talk I will have to punish you."

"To watch one's enemies die in glorious colour and surround-sound was surely one of the greatest assets of technology."

"What does Short have to do to convince you she's a traitor? Send you an e-mail?"

"Will we recognise our visitor among all these people? Are you sure that he is not already here? Watching us?"
"Believe me, he is not here. If he were, there would be a lot more screaming."

"Oh, brilliant. I must write that one down in my witty retorts book."

"Rawley pulled his blade from the bench and winked at No1. This was not a friendly you-and-I-share-a-secret wink, it was a let's-see-what-colour-your-insides-are wink."

"I don't believe any of this for a minute. Or I wouldn't, if we had 'minutes' in Limbo."

"I went from saving the world to geometry in a week."

"No1 trudged onwards past the final warning which, with typical demon subtlety, was in the form of a blood-reddened wolf skull mounted on a stick.
'What's that even supposed to mean? A wolf's head on a stick. Big wolf barbeque tonight. Bring your own wolf.' "

"How much time do I have?"
"If you hurry, none."

"Crime wasn't all fun and games. It had minor downsides, like fear, pain and death."

"Their little band of adventurers needed another smart-ass like they needed ten years of bad luck."

"We can this close - this close to being incinerated! I lost count after the first dozen times."

"You've hacked into the audio feed? Just what else can that phone of yours do?"
"It can play solitaire and minesweeper."

"Excuse me?"
"What a lovely word. And manoeuvre. And balloon."
"Now he's talking. If he's anything like the videos you showed me of the other one, we'll never get him to shut up."
"Pink! We don't have a word for that colour in the demon common-speak. Pink is considered undemonlike, so we ignore it. It's such a relief to be able to say pink!"
"Pink. Fabulous."
"Tell me. What is a candyfloss? I know the words, and it sounds...scrumptious...but the picture in my head cannot be accurate."
"We can talk about candyfloss later, little demon. There are more important things to discuss."
"Yes, the demon invasion, for example."
"Sorry, my gifts must not be fully developed. The only meaning I have for invasion is a hostile entry of an armed force into a territory."
"That's the one I mean, you little toad."
"Again, I'm a little confused. My new vocabulary is telling me that a toad is a froglike creature...Oh, I see - you're insulting me."
"I think I preferred him when he spoke like an old movie."

"Look into your heart, my little genius. What does it tell you to do?"
"Look into my heart? Honestly, Papa, I am not a Care Bear."
"Please, cherie, You know I love you and I respect your genius, but just for once, couldn't we go with the pony option? Couldn't I just get Justin Timerberguy to play at your birthday party?"

"It was like a scene from a scary movie, complete with its own soundtrack. Minerva frowned. Real life didn't have a soundtrack."

"It was a strange reunion. There was no hugging, no champagne and no teary-eyed reminiscing. Instead there were bared teeth, drawn swords and threatening behavior."

"I waited for three weeks before I realized that the shuttle was not coming for me. I packed my belongings so that I would be ready. Including my collection of model sea horses, which I fashioned from chewed cardboard. My favourite sea horses, Twinky and Goodboy, were broken in the process. Twinky cries every night over her severed tail, and Goodboy does not look so dashing without his head.
Your callousness leaves me no alternative but to place you on my revenge list. When I am finally free of this horrible place and elevated to my rightful position as queen of the world, you will take my place in this cell and I will send my troll minions to issue daily beatings with batons fashioned from sea horse tails. A fitting punishment, I am sure you agree." --Opal Koboi (translated from Gnommish at bottom of the pages of The Time Paradox)

"He remembered a few lines from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
'But I don't want to go among mad people,' said Alice.
'Oh, you can't help that,' said the cat. 'We're all mad here.'
Artemis glanced at the pungent dwarf searching his living beard for stored insects.
We're all mad here too,
he thought."

"Focus, Artemis. One dastardly crime at a time."
Dastardly, Butler? Dastardly? We are not cartoon characters. I do not have a villainous laugh or an eyepatch."

It's a complex structure called a Na-Na."
"As in?"
"As in na-na-ne-na-na, you can't see me."

"And yet you are willing to help me for gold."
"A stupendous amount of gold. And possibly some friend chicken. With barbeque sauce. And a large Pepsi. And maybe more chicken."

"How much is stupendous exactly, in bucket terms?"
"How many buckets do you have?"
"I have a lot of buckets. Most of them are full of stuff, though. I could empty them, I suppose."
"It was a rhetorical question. A lot of buckets. As many as you like."

"Caged Extinctionists. Oh, the irony."

"Artemis paled. Not her. Please not her.
What do I have to do? he thought. How many times must I save the world from this lunatic?"

"I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Miss Koboi, for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming and so on."

"That's wonderful. Opal Koboi. I knew this little trip was missing a psychotic element."

"It would be easier to shoot down the moon.
Opal tapped this into her notepad.
Reminder. Shoot down the moon. Viable?"

"And, once I have the lemur, I will be immortal."
"Don't forget invincible."
"I haaate you. When I have the lemur, I will...I will..."
"Kill me in some horrible fashion?"
"Precisely. Thank you."

Kevin Rudd (Mock)

"The environment is fashionable too, so I've attached a solar panel to Peter Garret."

"I fear for Australian workers. Not just the real ones, but also the ones who pretend to listen to me."

Monty Python - Various Sketches

Bookseller: Er... oh!
Arthur: Good morning, I'd like to buy a book please.
Bookseller: Oh, well I'm afraid we don't have any. (trying to hide them)
Arthur: I'm sorry?
Bookseller: We don't have any books. We're fresh out of them. Good morning.
Arthur: Well what are all these?
Bookseller: All what? Oh! All these, ah ah ha ha. Your referring to these ... books.
Arthur: Yes.
Bookseller: They're um ... they're all sold. Good morning.
Arthur: What all of them?
Bookseller: Every single man Jack of them. Not a single one of them in an unsold state. Good morning.
Arthur: Who to?
Bookseller: What?
Arthur: Who are they sold to?
Bookseller: Oh ... various ... good Lord is that the time? Oh my goodness I must close for lunch.
Arthur: It's only half past ten.
Bookseller: Ah yes, well I feel rather peckish ... very peckish actually, I don't expect I'll open again today. I think I'll have a really good feed. I say! Look at that lovely bookshop just across the road there, they've got a much better selection than we've got, probably at ridiculously low prices ... just across the road there. (he has the door open) Good morning.

Bookseller: Oh, ah, good morning, (starts to bundle him out then stops) Wait. Who sent you?
Arthur: The little old lady in the sweet shop.
Bookseller: She didn't have a duelling scar just here ... and a hook?
Arthur: No.

Arthur: Wait a minute, there's something going on here.
Bookseller: (spinning round.) What, where? You didn't see anything did you?
Arthur: No, but I think there's something going on here.
Bookseller: No no, well there's nothing going on here at all (shouts off) and he didn't see anything. Good morning.
Arthur: (coming back into shop) There is something going on.
Bookseller: Look there is nothing going on. Please believe me, there is abso... (a hand comes into view behind Arthur's back; Bookseller frantically waves at it to disappear; it does so) . . . lutely nothing going on. Is there anything going on?
(A man appears, fleetingly: he is Van der Berg)
Van der Berg: No there's nothing going on. (disappears)
Bookseller: See there's nothing going on.
Arthur: Who was that?
Bookseller: That was my aunt, look what was this book you wanted then? Quickly! Quickly!

Bookseller: You dirty double-crossing rat.
Arthur: What's happened?
Bookseller: He's two-timed me.
Arthur: Bad luck.

Brian: All right. Get against the wall Van der Berg ... and you nurse. And the first one to try anything moves to a practice six feet underground ... this is an anti-tank gun ... and it's loaded ...and you've just got five seconds to tell me ... whatever happened to Baby Jane?
All: What?
Brian: Oh ... I'm sorry ... my mind was wandering ... I've had a terrible day... I really have ... you've got five seconds to tell me... I've forgotten. I've forgotten.
Bookseller: The five seconds haven't started yet have they?
Van der Berg: Only we don't know the question.
Arthur: Was it about Vogler?
Brian: No, no... no ... you've got five seconds to tell me...
Van der Berg: About Nigel?
Brian: No.
Lafarge: Bronski?
Brian: No. No.
Arthur: The fillings!
Brian: Oh yes, the fillings, of course. How stupid of me. Right, you've got five seconds ... (clears throat) Where are the fillings? Five, four, three, two, one, Zero! (there is a long pause, Brian has forgotten to fire the bazooka but he can't put his finger on what has gone wrong) Zero! (looks at gun) Oh! I've forgotten to fire it. Sorry. Silly day. Very well. (quite rapidly)Five, four, three, two, one.

Inspector Tiger: This house is surrounded. I'm afraid I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No, I must ask nobody ... no, I must ask everybody to... I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No one must be asked by me to leave the room. No, no one must ask the room to leave. I ... I ... ask the room shall by someone be left. Not. Ask nobody the room somebody leave shall I. Shall I leave the room? Everyone must leave the room... as it is... with them in it. Phew. Understand?
Colonel Picketing: You don't want anybody to leave the room.
Inspector Tiger: Now, alduce me to introlow myslef. I'm sorry. Alself me to myduce introlow myslef. Introme -to-lose mlow alself. Alme to you introselff mylowduce. Excuse me a moment. (bangs himself on the side of the head) Allow me to introduce myself. I'm afraid I must ask that no one leave the room. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Tiger.
All: Tiger?
Inspector Tiger: (jumping) Where? Where? What?

Inspector Tiger: Allow me to introduce myself I'm afraid I must ask that no one leave the room.
Lady Velloper: Why not?
Inspector Tiger: Elementary. Since the body was found in this room, and no one has left it. Therefore ... the murderer must be somebody in this room.
Colonel Pickering: What body?
Inspector Tiger: Somebody. In this room. Must the murderer be. The murderer of the body is somebody in this room, which nobody must leave... leave the body in the room not to be left by anybody. Nobody leaves anybody or the body with somebody. Everybody who is anybody shall leave the body in the room body. Take the tablets Tiger. Anybody (as he searches for the tablets) with a body but not the body is nobody. Nobody leaves the body in the ... (he takes the tablet) Albody me introbody albodyduce.

Inspector: That's better, now I'm Inspector Tiger and I must ask that nobody leave the room. (he gives thumbs up to the surgeon who is at door) Now someone has committed a murder here, and that murderer is someone in this room. The question is ... who?
Colonel Pickering: Look, there hasn't been a murder.
Inspector Tiger: No murder.
All: No.
Inspector Tiger: Oh. I don't like it. It's too simple, too clear cut. I'd better wait. No, too simple, too clear cut.

Lookout: This house is surrounded. I must ask that no one leave the room. I'm Chief Superintendent Lookout.
Lady Velloper: Look out?
Lookout: (jumping) What, where, oh, me, Lookout. Lookout of the Yard.
Lady Velloper: Why, what would we see?
Lookout: I'm sorry?
Lady Velloper: What would we see if we look out of the yard?
Lookout: ... I'm afraid I don't follow that at all.

Theresamanbehindyer: All right... all right, the house is surrounded and nobody leave the room and all the rest of it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer.
All: Theresamanbehindyer?
Theresamanbehindyer: Ah, you're not going to catch me with an old one like that. Right let's reconstruct the crime. Constable you be Inspector Tiger.
Constable: Right, sir. Nobody leave the room ask shall - somebody I leave nobody in the room body shall, take the tablets Tigerbody. Alself me to my duce introlow left body in the roomself.
Theresamanbehindyer: Very good.

Minister: (rising) Mr Pudey, (he walks about behind the desk in a very silly fashion) the very real problem is one of money. I'm afraid that the Ministry of Silly Walks is no longer getting the kind of support it needs. You see there's Defence, Social Security, Health, Housing, Education, Silly Walks ... they're all supposed to get the same. But last year, the Government spent less on the Ministry of Silly Walks than it did on National Defencel Now we get £348,000,000 a year, which is supposed to be spent on all our available products.

"I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of freezing cold poison, work 29 hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for letting us work there, and when we got home, our Dad would murder us in cold blood, each night, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah." But you try and tell the young people of today that... and they won't believe ya'."

"The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the raspberry-laden foe but also the raspberries."

"Tarquin Fintim-Limbim-Whimbim-Lim Bus Stop-F'Tang-F'Tang-Olé-Biscuit-Barrel."
"Silly Party."

"And we move to Bristol where they have a special, Very Silly candidate..."
"Malcom Peter-Brian-Telescope-Adrian-Umbrella Stand-Jasper-Wednesday-Stoat Gobbler-John-Raw Vegetable-Arthur-Norman-Michael-honK-Featherstone-Smith-Whistle-Northgot-Edwards-Harris-bang-WOOOOOO-Mason-chuffchuffchuffchuff-Frampton-Jones-Fruit Bat-Gilbert-we'll keep a welcome in the-bang bang bang-Williams-If I could Walk That Way-Jenkin-vvvt vvt vvvt vvvvewwww-Tiger Drawers-Pratt-Thompson-Raindrops keep fallin on my head-Darcy-Carter-honk-Pussycat-Don't sleep in the subway-Barton-Mannering-squeek-mmmmm-Smith..."
"Very Silly Party"
"Two votes"

Interviewer: "Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight one of the country's leading skin specialists, Raymond Luxury Yacht."
Raymond Luxury-Yacht (wearing a large foam nose): "That's not my name!"
Interviewer:tries other pronunciation - Yacht as /jætʃt/ "I'm sorry; Raymond Luxury Yacht."
Raymond Luxury-Yacht: "No no no, it's spelled, "Raymond Luxury Yacht," but it's pronounced, "Throatwobbler Mangrove"!"
Interviewer: "You are a very silly man, and I'm not going to interview you."
Raymond Luxury-Yacht: "A-ha! Anti-Semitism!"
Interviewer: "Not at all, it's not even a proper nose." Removes nose "It's polystyrene!"
Raymond Luxury-Yacht: "Give me my nose back!"
Interviewer: "You can get it back at reception, now go away."
Raymond Luxury-Yacht: "I want to be on television!"
Interviewer: "Well, you can't."

Potter Puppet Pals - Wizard Swears

Voldemort: What? You kids! If I ever find out who's calling me I will call the wizard school and you will go to wizard jail and I'll kill you because I'm Voldemort…

Snape: Dumbledore, I urge you to expel these monsters.
Dumbledore: Oh Snape, Let them have their flapdoodle.
Snape: But you're the one who banned the words in the first place.
Dumbledore: I don't even remember five minutes ago. Back to your skulking.

Dumbledore: The Elder swear. You must never repeat it to anyone.
Hermione: We won't Professor.
Dumbledore: Here it is. Your Mother is a -beepbeepbeep- ing -beeeeeeeeeeeep- Laura Mimsum -beeepbeeepbeeep- Adminvenium -beepbeeepbeeep- Tragollaw -beeepbeeepbeepbeepbeeeep- Hippopautamus -beeepbeeepbeebeep- Rebublican -beepbeeep- --ing Daniel Radcliffe -beepbeepbeeepbeep- With a Bucket of -beeebeepbeepbeep- And a Castle Far Away Where No One Can Here You -beeeeepbeepbeepbeepbeep- Soup -beeeeeepbeepbeep- With a Bucket of -beeepbeep- Mickey Mouse -beeepbeep- and A Stick of Dynamite -beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep- Magical -beeeepbeepbeepbeepbeeeeeeeeeeeeep- Alakazam!!

Adam Hills

"It's just not the most inspiring anthem in the world is it? The words are alright. 'Australian's all let us rejoice for we are young and free.' Cept for that line: 'Our home is girt by sea.' Cause girt means surrounded, like how many people have ever used the word 'girt' in a sentence in your life? Seriously, you've never seen a police siege and four officers outside a house going: 'Come out of the house with your hands in the air. We have you girt.' "

"Listen to your heart. Be true to yourself. And yell "go you big red fire engine" whenever possible."

End of Ze World

"-french accent- Shit guys...we got the missiles, zey are coming! Fire our shit!"
"But I am le tired..."
..."Well, have a nap - zen fire ze missiles!"

"Meanwhile, Australia is down there like 'wtf mate?' "

"So now the US is like 'Fuck we're dumbasses.' Canada's like 'What's going on, eh?' Australia is still like 'wtf?' Mars is laughing at us, and some huge meteor is like 'Well fuck that."

A break from book/movie/tv/random quotes for some writing quotes =D


"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow

"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." ~Anaïs Nin

"I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all." ~Richard Wright

"The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible." ~Vladimir Nabakov

"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." ~Anton Chekhov

"Metaphors have a way of holding the most truth in the least space." ~Orson Scott Card

"A metaphor is like a simile." ( =D )

"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out."

"A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer." ~Karl Kraus

"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork." ~Peter De Vries

"Do not put statements in the negative form.
And don't start sentences with a conjunction.
If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a
great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
De-accession euphemisms.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague."
~William Safire

"Be obscure clearly." ~E.B. White

"Being an author is like being in charge of your own personal insane asylum." ~Graycie Harmon

"Writer's block is a disease for which there is no cure, only respite." ~Laurie Wordholt

"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one." ~Baltasar Gracián

"Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression. The chasm is never completely bridged. We all have the conviction, perhaps illusory, that we have much more to say than appears on the paper." ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

"Most editors are failed writers - but so are most writers." ~T.S. Eliot

"If I'm trying to sleep, the ideas won't stop. If I'm trying to write, there appears a barren nothingness." ~Carrie Latet

"Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself." ~Franz Kafka

"A story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end... but not necessarily in that order." ~Jean Luc Godard

"The most beautiful things are those that madness prompts and reason writes." ~André Gide

"Imitation is the highest form of pissing me off. Quit stealing my content and violating my copyright." ~Jen T. Verbumessor

"It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous." ~Robert Benchley

"The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shockproof shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it." ~Ernest Hemingway

"Read, read, read. Read everything - trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it. Then write. If it is good, you'll find out. If it's not, throw it out the window."

Epitome of Randomness (a penname)

"Now, at this point you must have realised that this is not my best rant. Well, it’s not meant to be funny. It was created to help stop me sitting in a corner crying until August. When the book comes to Australia. We have kangaroos AND lamingtons! We deserve the book first!" (too damn right)

Back To Quotes


"When you're around him, you feel so alive because he's talking about what everyone's thinking, as opposed to what you're supposed to talk about."

"The hippo celebrated its first birthday. Unfortunately, it wasn't allowed any cake because it's on a diet. Instead it got a watermelon with a carrot stuck in it for a candle." (awww)

Real Life - (My Life)

"Did I tell you that my summer hockey team is called Ceebs (as in cbs - can't be stuffed)?"
"Ah ha, that's classic. It would be like 'THREE, TWO, ONE...ceebs' No, actually like 'Three, Two, One... ... ... -walk away-.' "


"-to a pigeon- DON'T JUMP, PIDGE PIDGE!!"

"No cake facing on board."

"I don't want a sleepover. I don't want you running around like idiots, it's stupid and embarrassing."

Sara: "Janet ( that's me), if someone's choking, the least you can do is--"
Me: "WHERE!?"
Sara: -sigh-

Serena: Where are you going?
Me: To my car.
Serena: You have a car?
Me: Yeah. A talking one.
Serena: What's it say?
Me: It speaks Russian.
Serena: How do you know? How do you know it's Russian and not gibberish?
Me: I have a Russian translator.
Serena: So what's it say?
Me: I don't know. The Russian translator translates it to Finnish.
Serena: Do you have a Finnish translator?
Me: Yeah.
Serena: What's he translate it to?
Me: Grass.
Serena: So you have a car that speaks a language you don't understand with two translators who translate it to other languages you don't know?
Me: Yeah.

-squints at clock- "What does the clock say?"
"The time."
"Well, technically, the clock doesn't say anything."


"A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
'Why?' asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
'Well, I'm a panda', he says, at the door. 'Look it up.'
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. 'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'"

Real Life Again

“It’s like a Quagga, but not extinct…and not a Quagga.”

Me: What plot?
LilyRose (Eliza): The plot.
Me: What plot?
Eliza: The plot.
Me: Ohhh...the plot...geeze you could have said so...

Me: What is that?
Eliza: It appears to be a clear plastic cup
...with staples in the bottom
...and water
...and the word 'loser' in permanent marker on the side
Me: Ahh, so it's the Loser cup?
Eliza: Yes.

"A strangular fig. Like as in strangle -clutches throat- AHHGHGHGHHAAA -falls of chair-" --Teacher

Me: Milk is grass and water
Aqua: I thought milk came from cows...
Serena: ...And what do cows eat?...

Serena: No, because five squared is twenty-five so that means he lost.
Aqua: Well...I...I DON'T CARE!
Serena: Oh, I'd love to see you debate.
Aqua: huh?
Serena: -mimicks- I DON'T CARE!

Katherine: What's my quote?
Eliza: You don't have one...
Katherine: YES!
Eliza: Now you do.

"I don't think fineliner counts as pen in her crazy world."

"Why don't eyes get cold?"

Me: You having a plan is like...
Eliza: You not having a plan...
Me: Yes, but I was trying to think of a better analogy.

"Your toes are bulimic."

"ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE." -- A Whiteboard (yes it really said that)

Random: The first week of term you were...like...chilled back.
Teacher: -death glare-

Random Idiot: So showers give you Tinea?
Other Random: Yes
Random Idiot: But...not in your house.

Aqua: Your hair smells like T-Gel.
Me: Excuse me?
Aqua: T-Gel, it's a shampoo, don't you know what shampoo you use?
Me: No...
Aqua: Oh...
Me: ...Why are you smelling my hair?

Eliza: The sun is like the moon.
Aqua: No it's not. The sun is gas, the moon is rock.
Eliza: Well...the sun is bright and so is the moon.
Aqua: That's the moon reflecting the sun.
Eliza: Oh, so the sun + bright = moon.
Aqua: -facepalm-

-about Chinese characters-
Eliza: So, then this one should mean...
Aqua: Well, that's 'yesterday.'
Eliza: That's 'mouth', so speak or told...
Aqua: That looks like an 'F'
Eliza: Yeah...but the character means 'sun.'
Aqua: ...So...yesterday I told the sun to F itself?
Eliza: -blinks- ...well I'm never forgetting how to write sun.

"HELLO PIGEON! ...I SAID HELLO!! ...gah, you're just as bad as the teachers."

Aqua: -about me- she's flaring her nostrils at me!...BACK OFF!...OR I'LL KILL MYSELF, AND THEN I'LL KILL YOU!!

Me: Chocolate
Eliza: Milo
Me: Chocolate
Eliza: Milo
Me: ...Milo
Eliza: -distracted- LEAF!!

Hazel Green

"It was a long time ago."
"No, it wasn't! Not even two weeks ago. That's not a long time! That's hardly any time!"
"That depends. It's a long time if you're a banana."

"What did they think, these lobsters? Suddenly they looked up and...there was their food falling towards them, as if it was raining fish scraps! But of course it couldn't be raining fish scraps, at least not as far as lobsters were concerned, because they lived in water anyway, They wouldn't even know whatrain was, thought Hazel. If you went up to a lobster and said :"Do you like it when it rains?", he'd just look at you as if you were a bit odd, just like you would look at a lobster if he came up to you and said "Do you like it when it...durgles?", because rain to a lobster would mean no more than durgle to you. Hazel smiled to herself. What a ridiculous thought, talking lobsters and what ridiculous words they used! She knew it was a ridiculous thought, which is why she couldn't resist thinking about it more." "Only just now, when I was outside in your shop, and I was watching it durgle in the lobster tank, I suddenly had the most ridiculous thought: what if Mr Volio's Chocolate Dippers started durgling one day? I mean, it would be very nice, of course, but people would start fighting, just like the lobsters. Who could tell when it would durgle again? Perhaps never. I'm sure they'd fight. And that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it? Because it would be such a wonderful thing if it durgled Chocolate Dippers, and yet, instead of appreciating how lucky they were, everyone would start fighting over them. Ridiculous!"
"Durgle, Hazel? What does that mean?"
"You know what it means, Mr Petrusca. You're the biggest durgle-maker ever!"

Just to let you know - I have exactly 500 quotes on this profile right now

If you've read all of them you get...a...Pete the Dragon Tail


I've been looking for these for ages, I found them thanks to Google and BlackHowling77

anyway...it's gonna take me a long time to complete them


I haven't even been on here a year yet, but it feels like forever (in a good way)


- Get over 100+ alerts and favourites in author stats (let me check... -checks- ...err...not even close...you don't need to know how many I have in those)

- Get 500 reviews for a story ( I would KILL someone for that...well I'd kill someone anyway, if I had the chance...)

- Get 800 reviews for a story (I would...um...not go on my hockey tour next year for that!)

- Have at least 5 stories c2-ed ( I have one...and that's a bad one...-cry- so I have like -1)

- Get 1000 reviews for a story ( I would...never go skiing again for that)

- Get an offer to make banners for a story (I could blackmail someone into doing that...does that count at all?)

- Get an offer to make a youtube trailer for a story (or youtube series) (=see above=)

- Complete a co-write (...kind of, I wrote some chapters for LilyRose when she had Writers Block. And that story is completed now. So...yes? ...it's close enough.)

- Have someone say that your story is their favourite FanFic of all time (-frowns in thought- I think someone did, I got put up there with JK and someone else once. That was a happy moment =D )

- Write about a pairing that isn't your specialty (Don't write pairings, so...I'm never completing that one)

- Help another author (YAY! ONE THAT I'VE ACTUALLY DONE! I helped Dramaqueen321 once and me and LilyRose are always helping each other)

- Update on time (AH HA! I've done this too. There was a period of time when I updated every day, but that was in the holidays)

- Love your stories (...Do I love my stories? I don't know. They're like teddy bears...you are obsessed with them and then they fall down the back of the couch and gather dust for years until you find them again and become obsessed with them again)

- Have 2000 reviews for a story (I WOULD BURN MY GOALIE GEAR FOR THIS, and that is saying something...maybe I wouldn't. I don't know. I guess I could get new gear if I had the money...which I don't. =( )

- Have 200+ on all author stats (I wish.)

- Write at least 5 one-shots (HELL YEAH COMPLETED)

- Write a sequel of at least two or three stories (I've written one sequel so far, so...getting there)

- Reply to your reviews (I do if it's relevant, like if I get praise that's so nice I just have to reply, or if they ask a question or if they flame and I reply telling them how much they're wasting their time)

- Keep writing no matter what (I've got this one, easy, if I ever get Writer's Block for more than a month though, someone must give me the cure)


My...501st quote


"Here comes the Jealousy bug! It's gonna get ya! It's gonna get ya!"
"Stop it! You're a grown man."
"-gasps- I wanna go home now."

Scary Movie 4

"Mr President, the country is under attack by aliens."
"I'll deal with that later. Right now I want to find out what happens to the duck."
"More people will die!"
"The people will die regardless. But this duck still has a fighting chance."
"Sir, I've read the book. The duck dies."
"Good God! That's horrible!"

"This ain't a war, anymore than a war between men and maggots. Or, dragons and wolves. Or, men riding dragons, throwing wolves at maggots. "

"Last night I saw a face."
"Did it have a nose?"
"That does sound like a face."

"We'll build our own tripods. Ours will have four legs. "

The Book of Changing Things and Other Oddibosities

"Nathan. Is that what you said your name was? You didn't say Marmaduke, did you?"
"No. I didn't think so. And I don't suppose you'd like to change it? To...oh, Marmaduke, for example?"
"Why should I change it?"
"Good question. Pogue, what do you say to that?"
"Very little."

"You can't just stay there you know. Come on. We haven't got all day. No one has."
"A knew a blackbird who had all day. At least he thought he did, until they caught him and baked him in a pie."

"What you have to understand about Pogue is that he's exceptionally eager to please, even for a squirrel. Some might say too eager. When he was younger he developed the habit of becoming what anyone wanted him to be. Lots of people do, don't they? Pogue just took it further than most."
"Do you mean to say I want him to be a platypus?"
"One of us must, I suppose, if that's what he's changed into. Pogue wouldn't think of it by himself. He doesn't do that kind of thing. Think, I mean."
"I don't."
"I'm sure you do think, Nathan. No need to be modest."
"No, I mean I don't want him to be a platypus. It's not me who wants him to be one."
"Well, it's not me!"

"We haven't got all day."
"I knew a blackbird who had all day, or at least he thought he did."
"Enough of that! We baked him in a pie and ate him together, Pogue. You must remember."

Count: "What an ugly fellow."
Pogue: "Dreadful."
Count: "-laughing- Look...at those...teeth!"
Lizard: "I suppose you're going to laugh as well? Go on, who cares about my feelings? Get it over with. Laugh! Laugh as much as you want."
Count:"-still laughing-Who ever...heard of a...lizard with...teeth?"
Lizard: "I'm not a lizard. I'm a gecko."
Count: "Oh, a gecko! That makes all the difference. A gecko with teeth!"

"I'm a gecko. Not just a gecko of any sort."
"Continue. Make a full and frank report."
"There are seven kinds of gecko, each one rarer than the last."
"I have met them in my dim and youthful past."
"But of all kinds of gecko, there is one you have not met."
"Are you sure? Would you care to place a bet?"
"There's an eighth type of which only tree exist."
"I presume you'll provide us with a list."
"There's my cousin, and two sisters, and an aunt who's still alive."
"With yourself, sir, surely that amounts to five!"
"The number does not signify."
"Numbers rarely do."

"Tell me, what did you do when you first saw me?"
"Thought how ugly you were."
"No, when I opened my mouth."
"Oh, we laughed."

"They're not sure if tomorrow will come. And if you're not sure if tomorrow will come, then you ought to enjoy yourself today."
"And what better way to enjoy yourself than at a banquet?"
"But tomorrow does come!"
"That's true. At least, it has until now. I can't remember a single day when it hasn't."
"What about that day when I thought yesterday was the day before?"

"Tomorrow always comes."
"Does it? How can we be sure? We can't be sure until it does come, and by then it's not tomorrow at all."
"It's today."
"In that case, you may as well say tomorrow never comes!"
"Make up your mind, Nathan. Only a minute ago you said it always comes."
"You may as well say it's one of those things that exists only because you can never actually have it!"
"A thing that exists only because you can never actually have it? Have you ever heard of such a thing, Pogue?"
"Don't like the sound of it."
"Look, if tomorrow didn't come, we wouldn't know, would we? We wouldn't be here to find out!"
"I don't see why not. I might be here, mightn't I? I might just decide to stay."
"You're turning philosophical, Nathan. That won't do. For a start, I don't understand it. For a middle, I'm too hungry to think. And for a finish, we haven't got all day."

"That's got nothing to do with horseradish."
"What's that, boy?"
"I just said..."
"I just said...It's got nothing to do with horseradish. Your speech, I mean."
"It's got nothing to do with celery, either. Or rhubarb. Or cumquats, for that matter. But do I hear you complaining about that? No, sir, I do not!"
"But it wasn't in honour of them. It was in honour of horseradish."
"Who said?"
"You did."
"So you were listening, were you?"

"How do we get back?"
"Back? There are people who go back and there are those who don't. We, Nathan, are people who don't."
"Except when we do."
"Naturally. I hardly think that needs to be said."
"I said it for completeness."

"But how do we get back?"
"Didn't he ask that already? -receives nod- Then we must have given him an answer."
"We could give him a different one."
"Pogue, what nonsense you speak! It wasn't such a good question that it deserves two answers!"

"Where are you taking me?"
"Taking you? Marvellous! Pogue, the boy apparently thinks we're taking him somewhere."

"You refuse."
"I'm confused? Is that what you said."
"No, it's not what I said."
"I've got a big head?"
"You know what I mean."
"It's time for a bean? What's come over him Pogue? He's talking nothing but gibberish."
"Gibberish. Perfect gibberish."

"Come on, Pogue, we haven't got all day!"
"We're not blackbirds, are we?"

"Perhaps Pogue told you?"
"I did."
"You didn't."
"That's true. I didn't"

"I've never been so insulted in my life!"
"You have, Pogue, hundreds of times."

"I've refused to listen before, you know. Oh, yes, more than once. Haven't I, Pogue?"
"See? He can do it as well."

"We're late! Come on, we haven't got all day."
"We haven't. Not like the blackbird."
"But he didn't, Pogue! You forgot. That's why we ate him."

"Didn't I tell you I never wanted to see you again, Marvy? Didn't I tell you that? But I can see you, Marvy."
"That's true. Unless I've become invisible."

"What am I supposed to do?"
"You should have thought of that before, shouldn't you? Let that be a lesson to you, Pogue. One should always think first."
"And act later?"
"What if one's acted already?"
"Then there's no point thinking."

The Merlin Conspiracy

"Grundo somehow turned the book into a comic book, all pictures and no words. It started at the back and finished at the front, and in the pictures the ball chased Rover and Jack and Jill were bought by the groceries. Only Grundo would think of two people being bought by a huge chunk of cheese."

"It was in a big, gloomy hall full of soberly-dressed people who all thought they were important - apart from the one or two who thought they were God or Shakespeare or something."

"It really hurt my feelings when one of the God-or-Shakespeare ones flourished a pen over the book Dad eagerly spread out for her and said, 'Who?'
Dad said in a modest voice, 'Ted Mallory. I write a bit myself.'
Mrs God-or-Shakespeare scrawled in the book, saying 'Do you write under another name? What have you written?'
'Horror stories mostly,' Dad admitted.
And she said, 'Oh,' and pushed the book back to him as if it was contaminated."

"The ferns parted and a smooth black head slid out and stared me in the face with huge yellow eyes. For just one instant I was nose to nose with an enormous black panther.
Then I was up a tree, the tallest tree I could find.
In between was a blur of absolute terror. If I think about it, carefully, I think the panther sort of said Oh, hallo in wordless panther talk, and I'm fairly sure I screamed."

"Have you ever tried to turn a panic-stricken elephant round in the dark, in a space that is probably too small, which you never saw before anyway?"

"When I grow up I shall take care to have three really peculiar families at least. I want crowds of mad relatives."

"Moth-ther! I can't eat this! I'm electric to cucumber."
"Allergic, dear."

"I just had time to think what fools we looked, rushing through the garden in a line behind a goat."

Murder By Death

"I don't get it. First they steal the body and leave the clothes, then they take the clothes and bring the body back. Who would do a thing like that?"
Possibly some deranged dry cleaner."

"Locked, from the inside. That can only mean one thing. And I don't know what it is."

"Mr. Diamond, there's a bullet hole in your jacket."
You should see the other guy."

"What do you make of all of this, Wang?"
Is confusing."
IT! IT is confusing! Say your goddamn pronouns!"

"Who do you think is the murderer?"
Must sleep on it. Will know in morning when wake up."
But what if you don't wake up?"
"Then YOU did it."

"She murdered herself in her sleep, sir."
You mean suicide?"
Oh no, it was murder, all right. Mrs. Twain HATED herself."

Oh, that's probably the cook. Come in!"
Darling, the poor woman is stone deaf."
I'm sorry, I forgot. COME IN!"

You've tricked and fooled your readers for years. You've tortured us all with surprise endings that made no sense. You've introduced characters in the last five pages that were never in the book before. You've withheld clues and information that made it impossible for us to guess who did it. But now, the tables are turned. Millions of angry mystery readers are now getting their revenge. When the world learns I've outsmarted you, they'll be selling your 1.95 books for twelve cents."

What a godforsaken spot to get lost!"
I'm sure I saw a much better spot a few miles back."

No pinkies? You mean Twain has only got eight fingers?"
No, no, he's got ten. He just doesn't have any pinkies."

"Up there, Dora, look - a blind butler."
Don't let him park the car..."

"I smell gas!"
I can't help it, I'm old."
No, not that kind of gas. The kind that kills!"
"Well, sometimes my gas..."

"Conversation like television set on honeymoon: unnecessary."

"Room filled with empty people."

"He's gone!"
Who's gone?"
The butler. Here's the key."
"If butler gone, where you find key?"
In his pocket."
What pocket?"
The butler's pocket."
Butler gone but pocket still there?"

"Oh, there, voice come from cow on wall..."
"Moose, moose you imbecile!"

"Very interesting theory, Mr. Charleston. However, leave out one important point."
"What's that?"
"Is stupid. Is stupidest theory I ever heard."

"-hanging up telephone- Sounded as though somebody snipped the wire."
"Really? What did it sound like?"

"I don't hear nothin'. What do you hear?"
"Double negative, and dog."

"Oh, Yes. As you can see, I can see."
"So I see."

"Tell me, as the only survivor, how did you deduce it was me?"
"Went back to theory seldom used today: Butler did it."

"Are you nuts, Pop? Someone's tryin' to KILL us!"
"Yes! Should make exciting weekend."

"Big house like man married to fat woman: hard to get around."

"Here's the bridge, Pop. Doesn't look safe to me."
"One way to find out. Drive across."
-gets out of car-
"Aren't you gonna come with me?"
"Weight of two men may be too much for bridge."
"Then why do I get to drive the car?"
"Cause I smart enough to get out first."

"May I get your bags, sir?"
"Oh, no, no. Son will get bags. That is why I adopted him."

"-driving across rickety bridge- I don't think I'm gonna make it, Pop. It's gonna collapse."
"Don't worry. Father find other way to house."

"What that?"
-points to large cage in wall-
"Oh, it's nothing, sir. Just the cat."
-loud barking and growling issues from cage-
"That cat? You feed cat dog food?"
"I'm afraid he's a very angry cat, sir. Mr. Twain had him "fixed," and he didn't want to be."

"What meaning of this, Mr. Twain?"
"I will tell you, Mr. Wang, if YOU can tell ME why a man who possesses one of the most brilliant minds of this century can't say his prepositions or articles! "What IS THE," Mr. Wang! "What IS THE meaning of this?" "
"That what I said! "What meaning of this?'"

Calm yourself. Man who argue with cow on wall is like train without wheels: very soon get nowhere."
Oh be quiet! I'm sick of your fortune cookies!"
Oh, man who is sick of fortune cookies...-argument-"
Shhh, shhh... cow talk again!"

Aha, stumped already. Need some clues, Monsieur Perrier?"
Clues? I need no clues from you! I find my own clues, you demented lollipop!"

"Everything here has been rented for tonight. The butler, the cook, the food, the dining room chairs, everything!"
You mean..."
Yes. This entire murder has been... catered."

"Most amusing. Bickering detectives like making lamb stew: everything goes to pot!"

Answer simple, but question very hard."

Shut up, all of ya's. Nobody move!"
What is it?"
I have to go to the can again. I don't wanna miss nothin."

He was very good to me. He would take me to the circus and give me candy. We stopped going when I was about twenty-six. I'm sorry, Sam."
Twenty-six? What the hell kind of a circus was it?"

"One moment, where is the soup?"
In your dish, sir!"
There is nothing in my dish but my dish."

You have chocolate on your face."
"Ze candy bar. It is all over your face."
"Imbecile! That's my moustache!"

Doctor Who

Adelaide: "State your name, rank and intention."
The Doctor: "The Doctor. Doctor. Fun."

"They said I was gonna die. They said, 'he will knock four times' and I think I know what that means. And it doesn't mean right here, right now. Because I don't hear anyone knocking, do you?" -knocking-

"There are laws. Laws of time. And once upon a time, there were people, in charge of those laws...but they died. They all died. And do you know who that leaves?! ME! It's taken me all these years to realise, that those laws are mine. AND THEY WILL OBEY ME!" -awesomest quote ever-

"Waters always wins."


"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit."

Real Life

So, we had a sub teacher this morning, and he is the funniest teacher in the whole school, we were all like falling off our chairs and dying from laughing so much, but yeah, I have two new quotes now =D

Student: "My topic is, 'How Hitler dictated.' "
Teacher: "Oh! He was my hero!"

Student: "I wanna be like that guy on - random tv show- "
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you can't. It's too late for that. You're a girl. Although there are operations..."


"I once thought I was alright, but then I realised I was half left."

"You train twice as hard as everyone else, are expected to stop all of the 100+ shots blasted at you in training, get bruised black and blue, then go and be told you’re still not ready skill wise. If you make a mistake it can cost your team the game. When it comes to game time, you’re expected to pull off amazing dramatic saves at the drop of a button. You have to take bull in the form of pointless advice from team mates and comments from the opposition trying to get under your skin. Once you’ve done all that, you have to go back and do it all again." (Sometimes I wonder why I do)

Maurice Sendak

"We're animals. We're violent. We're criminal. We're not so far away from the gorillas and the apes, those beautiful creatures. So, of course. And then, we're supposed to be civilised. We're supposed to go to work every day. We're supposed to be nice to our friends and send Christmas cards to our parents. We're supposed to do all these things which trouble us deeply because it's so against what we naturally would want to do. And if I've done anything, I've had kids express themselves as they are, impolitely, lovingly — they don't mean any harm. They just don't know what the right way is. And as it turns out sometimes the so-called "right way" is utterly the wrong way. What a monstrous confusion."

"Certainly we want to protect our children from new and painful experiences that are beyond their emotional comprehension and that intensify anxiety; and to a point we can prevent premature exposure to such experiences. That is obvious. But what is just as obvious — and what is too often overlooked — is the fact that from their earliest years children live on familiar terms with disrupting emotions, fear and anxiety are an intrinsic part of their everyday lives, they continually cope with frustrations as best they can. And it is through fantasy that children achieve catharsis. It is the best means they have for taming Wild Things."

"I believe there is no part of our lives, our adult as well as child life, when we're not fantasizing, but we prefer to relegate fantasy to children, as though it were some tomfoolery only fit for the immature minds of the young. Children do live in fantasy and reality; they move back and forth very easily in a way we no longer remember how to do."

"Children are tough, though we tend to think of them as fragile. They have to be tough. Childhood is not easy. We sentimentalize children, but they know what's real and what's not. They understand metaphor and symbol. If children are different from us, they are more spontaneous. Grown-up lives have become overlaid with dross."

"We've educated children to think that spontaneity is inappropriate. Children are willing to expose themselves to experiences. We aren't. Grownups always say they protect their children, but they're really protecting themselves. Besides, you can't protect children. They know everything."

"I'm not Hans Christian Anderson. Nobody's gonna make a statue in the park with a lot of scrambling kids climbing up me. I won't have it, okay?"

OBO Keeper's Resources

"I’d be left as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from standing on a nail or something."

"Whatever happens, I’m not going out on the field with an umbrella on my head."

Catherine Tate

"I miss swearing and getting paid for it."
"You can swear on this show."
"That's fuckin' true."

Little Britain

"I'm hard yet soft, I am coloured yet clear, I am fruity and sweet, I am jelly... what am I?"
"Muse upon it further, I shall return."
"It's jelly though, isn't it?"

"Britain, Britain, Britain. We've had running water for over ten years, we have a tunnel connecting us to Peru, and we invented the cat. "

"Vicky, aren't you going to take your baby?"
"No, don't worry, I've got loads at home."

Mike Kapalski: "Hey, are you open for afternoon tea?"
Ray McCooney: "Maybe I am and maybe I'm not -plays tune on flute-"
Mike: "Oh, okay. -walks out- "
Ray: "No, no, I am, I am, please, sit down. -shows them to table-"
Mrs Kapalski: "Wow, isn't this an adorable place, Kimberly?"
Kimberly Kapalski: "It smells funny in here!"
Ray: "I shall be back in a moment with the cake trolley."
-puts hand out and grabs the cake trolley right next to him-
Ray: "Here I am with the cake trolley."
Mrs Kapalski: "Mm, those look good, don't they honey?"
Kimberly: "I want the chocolate cake."
Mrs Kapalski: "Okay, okay, honey. Kimberly has a nut allergy. Do you know if the chocolate cake contains nuts?"
Ray: "Yeeeeeees."
Mrs Kapalski: "...What, yes, you know, or yes, there are nuts?"
Ray: "Yeeeeeees."
Mike: "Well, which?"
Ray: "-picks up piece of cake and puts it to his ear- Carrot cake, carrot cake, have ye any nuts? -listens- the carrot cake contains...no nuts."
Ray: "-picks up another piece of cake and puts it to his ear- Lemon drizzle cake, lemon drizzle cake, have ye any nuts? -listens- the lemon drizzle cake contains... -plays flute- no nuts."
Ray: "-picks up chocolate cake and puts it to his ear- Chocolate cake, chocolate cake, have ye any nuts?"
Ray:"-listens- He wants to speak to you -hands phone to Mike-"
Mike: "-takes cake, puts to ear and listens- Mike Kapalski?"

"When people in Britain want to buy a pet, they go to a pet shop. If they want to buy a pet shop, they go to a pet shop shop. If they want to buy a pet shop shop, well, they're just being silly. "

"Right, you said you had another tv you wanted me to look at?"
"Yeeeeees. Tis a curious thing, by day it is bright, but by night it is black as a black man's cape."
"...That is a window. You do know that, don't you?"

"Scotland is a smashing place to take a holiday, and regularly wins the award for best Scottish holiday destination."

"Your form here is incomplete, 'gross income: yes, net income: yes.'"
"No, it's not 'yes' it's 'Yeeeeeees!'"
"You can't just put down 'Yeeeeeees!'. You do know that don't you?"

"So, can you give us some payment today?"
"What if I were to offer you, SIX MAGIC BEANS!"
"Probably wouldn't be interested."

"I'll tell you what, Mr McCooney. Why don't you pick up your quill?"
"And your magic money paper."
"Oh Yeeeeees!"
"Put your mark upon it."
"And we'll do the rest."
"Yees, yeees, yees, yeees, Yeeeeees!"
"Good day."
"Fair thee well, keepers of the purse!"
" -plays flute- ...shit."

"Oh just one thing. The three courses for 15 pounds set menu. Is that available on a Sunday?"
"If you were to ask me on a Monday... I would say YEEEEES! If you were to ask me on a Tuesday, I'd say YEEEEES! If you were to ask me on a Wednesday--"
"Oh for heaven's sake, it's a very simple question. Do you serve the set menu on a Sunday?"
"If you were to ask me on a Monday... I would say YEEEEES! If you were to ask me on a Tuesday -plays flute- I'd say YEEEEES! If you were to ask me on a Wednesday, I'd say--"
"-random interrupts- I've got the chips."
"Oh just through there...where was I? Oh yes. If you were to ask me on a Monday, I'd say YEE-"
"Oh for goodness sake man, it's a very simple question! Do you serve the set menu on a Sunday?"
"I'll tell ye, but through the medium...OF DANCE!"

"Schools are where tomorrow-adults, or children, are harvested."

"Unlike other countries, Britain has people of two genders. Women and men."

"Take the food that you like, cut it in half, and it's just half the calories! And because it's only half the calories you can have twice as much!"

"We were just saying how much we like the soup. Did you make it?"
"Maybe I did and maybe I didn't."
"Well er...did you?"
"Well, it's delicious. We'd love to be able to make it ourselves."
"You'd like to know my secrets, would ya?"
"Well, yes."
"Have ya ever heard of a thing called...butter?"
"Golden colour and slippery to the touch!"
"Yes, butter. Anything else?"
"YEEEEEES! Did ya ever hear the legend of the seeded fruit, that is often mistaken for a vegetable?"
"The tomato."
"Red in colour and fleshy within! But beware of the pips! They call it...the tomato!"
"Right, the tomato. Anything else?"
"YEEEEEEES! Have you ever heard of such a thing, as a cow, a cow, mind, ho ho ho ho ho!"
"Let me think, yes I have."
"Ah, but did ye know the cow secretes a liquor from its udder."
"Yes. Milk."
"Ye know too much!"

"If you have a verruca, and would like to share it with others, then why not pop down to your local swimming pool?"

Film Course

Cam: "You don't have to look at Felix when you're talking to him if that helps."
Libby: "Yeah. I'm stoned. It doesn't matter where I look."

Felix: "Hey Jim! Jim! Jim! Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim."
Jim: "...-headdesk-"
Libby: "Jim is not available right now. Please leave a message after the beep. MMMMMEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR."

Robbie: "Everyone turn off your mobile phones before we start shooting in case it goes off. We have a rule that whoever's phone goes off, has to buy a keg of beer, but we can't really have that here. What about crack? or cocaine? What is it that you kids are smoking these days?"

Sophie: "You know that guy from that movie?"
Libby: "Oh! When he's in that place with those people and that stuff?"
Felix: "Oh yeah! In that scene. Yeah I know."

Lewis: "You gotta write down the roles." (for the credits in our movie)
Tim: "No I don't. It's a wrap."
Lewis: "..."
Tim: "There are no rolls. It's a wrap."

Real Life

"A friend of a friend of ours son once went to a ballet class. The teacher told them to be a bird and he said a vulture."


"I would say this is my lucky cue. But it's not."

"I hate those year 7s. I could hit em all over the heads with mallets."

"Great shakes, it's Word Yahtzee."

"Great minds think alike."
"So do ours."

Dark Alchemy

"Can you cook?"
"Anyone can cook, you just climb into the oven."

"Will the road take me into Mitherhome?"
"The road will just sit there. Your legs will take you."

"It should have been a cacophony, and in a way it was. Yet there was a beauty there, the odd, hard beauty of wild things that need not be pretty to please nature."

Percy Jackson

"What do they say, these days, Grover? Do the children say, 'Well, duh!'?"
"Y-yes, Mr D."
"Then, 'Well duh!' Percy Jackson."

"Once I got over the fact that my Latin teacher was a horse, we had a nice tour."

"The old ladies were not old ladies any more. Their faces were still the same - I guess those couldn't get any uglier - "

"'Braccas meas vescimini!' I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'Eat my pants.'"

"'I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle.'
'Percy, I said hello to the poodle. You say hello to the poodle.'
The poodle growled.
I said hello to the poodle."

"I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, and I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, etcetera.
The truth? My only thought was: Aaaaggghhhhh!"

"She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish."

"I love this country. Best place since Sparta."

"My idea was simple and insane."

"Every August, the counsellors pick the most important event of the summer, and they paint it on that year's beads. I've got Thalia's pine tree, a Greek trireme on fire, a centaur in a prom dress - now that was a weird summer..."

"Why can't you place a blessing like that on us?"
"It only works on wild animals."
"So it would only affect Percy."

"We want to go to the Underworld."
"Well, that's refreshing."

"Even from far away, I could see people being chased by hellhounds, burned at the stake, forced to run naked through cactus patches or listen to opera music."

"I bet Hades doesn't have trouble with door-to-door salesmen."

"I wanted to ask if Poseidon would come with me to see her, but then I realised that was ridiculous. I imaged loading the God of the Sea into a taxi and taking him to the Upper East Side."

"Yes. Well, as you young people say these days, whatever."

"He came forward with a toasted marshmallow on a stick and tried to pluck it off, real casual-like. But before he could touch it, the marshmallow flew off the stick. Tartalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames."

"Listen - I know, but...I don't care if he is chained to a rock with vultures pecking at his liver, if he doesn't have a tracking number, we can't locate his package."

"No, no. Ten more days."
"Oh, well, seven then. If you insist."
"Seven! That is less than five, right?"

"We have to get out of here."
"You think I want to be in the girls' restroom?"
"I mean the ship, Percy. We have to get off the ship."

"How could music cause so many lives to veer off course. I mean, sure, there were some Top Forty songs that made me want to take a fiery nosedive."

"My fatal flaw is hubris."
"That brown stuff they spread on veggie sandwiches?"
"No, Seaweed Brain. That's hummus. Hubris is worse."
"What could be worse than hummus?"

"We only came close to dying six or seven times, which I thought was pretty good."

"A minute later, Annabeth hit a slippery patch of moss and her foot slipped. Fortunately, she found something else to put it against. Unfortunately, that something was my face."

"Who said that?"
"Nobody! I remember you!"
"You're too stupid to remember anybody. Much less nobody."

"Green grass breaks through snow.
Artemis pleads for my help.
I am so cool."

"'Uh, what's up?' I winced at how stupid that sounded. Not much could be 'up' when you're dead and stuck in the attic."

"The Hunters do not need thy help."
"Your. Nobody has said 'thy' in like three hundred years, Zoe. Get with the times."

"Well, don't look at me. I'm a young god, remember? I don't keep track of all those ancient monsters and dusty Titans. They make for terrible party conversations."

"Oh, scullion? You're calling me a scullion? What the heck is a scullion?"

"Dreams like a podcast,
Downloading truth in my ears.
They tell me cool stuff."

"Where's Chiron?"
"How rude. Is that how you say hello?"
"Hello. We're about to die! Where's Chiron!"

"There are parties, and then there are huge, major, blowout parties. And then there are Olympian parties. If you ever get a choice, go for the Olympian."

"Juniper. What are you doing here?"
"I live here."
"In the boulders?"
"In the juniper. Duh."

"Chiron had insisted we talk about it in the morning, which was kind of like, Hey, your life's in mortal danger. Sleep tight!"

"That way."
"How do you know?"
"Deductive reasoning."
"So...you're guessing?"

"Grover, dear. Use your napkin. Don't eat it."

"Well, you see, Nico - can i call you Nico?"
"You see, Nico,..."

"As a young see demon matures, changes happen in the monster's body. You may notice your fangs getting longer and you many have a sudden desire to devour human beings. These changes are perfectly normal and happen to all young monsters."

"Now usually, being the son of Poseidon and all, I only get wet if I want to, but my powers apparently did not extend to dog saliva, because I got a pretty good bath."

"He glared down at me, as if warning me that I'd better die in a really spectacular way or I'd be in big trouble."

"I also play basketball pretty well for a guy who didn't start until he was two thousand years old."

"You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."

"I was thinking that my mom's apartment wouldn't allow dogs, especially dogs bigger than the apartment."

"Hi, I'm Paul Blofis."
"Blowfish, did you say?"
"Ah, no. Blofis, actually."
"Oh, I see. A shame. I quite like blowfish."


“I have a dream - of a day where chickens can cross roads without their motives being questioned.”

Doctor Who - End of Time

"I'm going to die."
"Well, so am I one day."
"Don't you dare."
"Alright, I'll try not to."

"Even if I change it still feels like dying. Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away... and I'm dead."

"Have you got anyone?"
"No. Travelling alone. I thought it was better, I thought... but I did some things, they went wrong... I need..."

"I'm sorry. Just leave me."
"Okay, right then I will. Because you had to go in there, didn't you? You had to go and get stuck, oh yes! Because that's who you are, Wilfred. You were always this...Waiting for me all this time."

"I'd be proud."
"Of what?"
"If you were my dad."

"I'm alive. I'm still alive." -four knocks-

"Get out of the way."

"Come on, don't start. You were told that he would knock four times, and then you die. Well, that's him, isn't it? The Master, that noise in his head. The Master is going to kill you."
"Then kill him first."

"That's how the Master started. It's not like I'm an innocent. I've taken lives. And I got worse, I got clever. Manipulated people into taking their own. Sometimes I think a Timelord lives too long. I can't. I just can't."
"If The Master dies, what happens to all the people?"
"I don't know."
"Doctor, what happens?"
"The template snaps."
"Will they go back to being human, they're alive and human? Then don't you dare, sir, don't you dare put him before them. Now you take this, that's an order, Doctor. You take the gun, you take the gun and save your life. And please don't die, you're the most wonderful man on earth! I don't want you to die!"

"We must look like insects to you."
"I think you look like giants."

"I could do so much more! SO MUCH MORE! But this is what I get. My reward, and it's not FAIR! Oh, lived too long."


"We're Nerdfighters. We fight against suck...we fight for awesome. We fight using our brains, our hearts, our calculators and our trombones."

Russell T Davies

"I've had these last pages ready in my head for months and months. Years, to be honest. It takes as long to write as it does to type. ... So I keep rattling away until... The last words. Trouble is, last words don't really exist. In ten minutes time, I'll change my mind about Scene 25, and go back to write something different. Then I'll get up tomorrow and change all sorts of stuff, before sending it to the office. And then the proper rewrites start. ... Even then, you keep writing; you keep writing; you think of lines people should have said for the rest of your life. Still, what the hell, let's allow a bit of ceremony. The last words.

Maybe I should sit here for hours, deliberating over them. But I know exactly what they are. I type them out. Times like this, typewriters would be better. Typewriters are romantic. A little metal letter should fly. It should hit the paper, whack! Tiny particles of ink should puff and settle. But no, there's just a plastic keyboard. I press the key. The final letter is n. Then a full stop. And that's it. Save. Done. Good."

"I would have thought that when I handed in the last script I might have burst into tears or got drunk or partied with 20 naked men, but when these great moments happen you find that real life just carries on. The emotion goes into the scripts."

A Very Potter Musical

"You know, they don't even have dances at Pigfarts. All of the noise would disturbe Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs."


"I'm off to the drawing studio, so I can paint the stupid looks on your faces."

"And if this home made Dark Mark doesn't convince you..."

"And then I'll be the one whose totally awesome!"

"Bomb-apetite... I mean, bon-apetite!"

"Yes, I know Quirrell, I HEAR EVERYTHING You HEAR!"

"I can't believe the counter curse was 'Unjellify!' "

"Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come. Pigfarts Pigfarts, yum yum yum!"

"Now TWO people are mad at me."

"Voldemort out, bitches!"

"Let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place."

"It's Hermione! It's just like, I can't get her out of my head. And everytime I look at her I get these pains in my chest and I just know it's her fault. That Bitch!"

"I thought killing people would make people like me, but it doesn't. It just makes them dead."

"Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang."

"What the HELL is a Hufflepuff?"

"It's going to be totally awesome."

"You know who I think the ugliest girl in this school is? That Hermione Granger. You know what I'd give her, on a scale of one to ten? One, one being the ugliest, and ten, pretty? I would give her... an eight. Eight-point-five.. or a nine. But not, NOT about a nine-point-eight. There is always room for improvement. Not everyone can be perfect, like me. That's why I'm holding out for a ten. Because I'm worth it."

"Oh my god I have to fight a goat? I don't know If I can do that morally."

Harry: "Did he just say dragons?!"
Snape:"Did you just say 'did he just say dragons?!"
Dumbledore:"Well I must have, seeing as anyone else hiding in his room would have known to shut up."

"Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anyone else on the planet."

"I believe everything has its place, Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their and so do your dirty clothes! Namely a dresser!"

"The horcrux could be anywhere. We could spend countless boring months throughout the European countryside searching for it."
"Well, the necklace says that's a stupid idea, so we aren't doing that."

"Dumbledore? Pfft! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar! Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion... who can talk."

"Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly lopsided mouth and quit interrupting, ten points from Gryffindor. Jeez, for someone so smart, you can be really be such a dumbass sometimes. 10 points to Dumbledore."

The Real Harry Potter

"I'd thought we'd seen the worst when we bought two hundred copies of The Invisible Book of Invisibility - cost a fortune, and we never found them..."

"All he did was eat and sleep, Ron, you said it yourself."
"He bit Goyle for us once! Remember, Harry?"
"Yeah, that's true."
"His finest hour. Let the scar on Goyle's finger stand as a lasting tribute to his memory."

"Mr Mooney presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business. Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Mooney, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git. Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that would ever become a Professor. Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."

"Was she making a real prediction."
"Do you know, Harry, I think she might have been. Who'd have thought it? That brings her total of real predictions up to two. I should offer her a pay rise..."

"You haven't got a godfather!"
"Yes, I have. He was my mum and dad's best friend. He's a convicted murderer, but he's broken out of wizard prison and he's on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though...keep up with my news...check I'm happy..."

"The idea of being taught consideration by a man who had just blasted away half his living-room wall seemed to be causing him intense suffering."

"That's my wand."
"You dropped it? Is this a confession? You threw it aside after you conjured the Mark?"
"Amos, think who you're talking to! Is Harry Potter likely to conjure the Dark Mark?"
"Er - of course not. Sorry...carried away..."

"That's not the song it sand when it sorted us."
"Sings a different one every year. It's got to be a pretty boring life, hasn't it, being a hat? I suppose it spends all year making up the next one."

"'Wow!' said Dennis, as though nobody in their wildest dreams could hope for more than being thrown into a storm-tossed, fathoms-deep lake, and pushed out of it again by a giant sea-monster."

"I am not joking, Mr Weasley, though now you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag and a leprechaun who all go into a bar... -McGonagall clears throat- Er - but maybe this is not the time...no..."

"What - what are you doing?"
"Teach- Moody, is that a student?"

"Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret."

"Well, now we know what to do next time I can't manage a spell, threaten me with a dragon."

"My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practising inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I'm not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery..."

"Aren't you two ever going to read Hogwarts: A History?"
"What's the point? You know it off by heart, we can just ask you."

"What were you doing under our window, boy?"
"Listening to the news."
"Listening to the news! Again?"
"Well, it changes every day, you see."

"Not this brave at night, are you?"
"This is night, Diddykiins. That's what we call it when it goes all dark like this."

"But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog Cards."

"I doubt Regulus was every important enough to be killed by Voldemort in person."

"It means Dumbledore's found a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."
"And about time too."
"What d'you mean?"
"Well, we overheard Mum and Dad talking on the Extendable Ears a few weeks back, and from what they were saying, Dumbledore was having a real trouble finding anyone to do the job this year."
"Not, surprising, is it, when you look what happened to the last four?"
"One sacked, one dead, one's memory removed and one locked in a trunk for nine months. Yeah, I see what you mean."

"A prefect! That's everyone in the family!"
"What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?"

"Harry, don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you..."
"Wow, I wonder what it'd be like to have a difficult life?"

"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher, there was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head."

"I was just wondering, Professor, whether you received my note telling you the date and time of your inspec-"
"Obviously I received it, or I would have asked you what you are doing in my classroom."

"Harry thought how absurd it was for Tonks to expect the dummy to hear her talking so quietly through a sheet of glass, with buses rumbling along behind her and all the racket of a street full of shoppers. then he reminded himself that dummies couldn't hear anyway."

"Why are you shaking your head, girl?"
"Well, usually when I person shakes their head they mean 'no'. So unless Mss Edgecombe is using a form of sign-language as yet unknown to humans-"

"You will now be escorted back to the Ministry, where you will be formally charged, then sent to Azkaban to await trail!"
"Ah, yes. Yes, I thought we might hit that little snag."
"Snag? I see no snag, Dumbledore."
"Well, I'm afraid I do."
"Oh, really?"
"Well - it's just that you seem to be labouring under the delusion that I am going to - what is the phrase? - come quietly. I am afraid I am not going to come quietly at all, Cornelius. I have absolutely no intention of being sent to Azkaban. I could break out, of course - but what a waste of time, and frankly, I can think of a whole host of things I would rather be doing."

"You know, Minister, I disagree with Dumbledore on many counts...but you can't deny he's got style..."

"He had just made Harry fell rather better by telling him how he had told the examiner in detail about the ugly man with a wart on his nose in his crystal ball, only to look up and realise he had been describing his examiner's reflection."

"And from now on, I don't care if my tea-leaves spell, die, Ron, die - I'm just chucking them in the bin where they belong."

"You're dead, Potter."
"Funny, you'd think I'd have stopped walking around..."

"I'm going to make you pay fro what you've done to my father..."
"Well, I'm terrified now. I s'pose Lord Volemort's just a warm-up act compared to you three."

"I, who spent many years in Azkaban for him!"
"Yes, indeed, most admirable. Of course, you weren't a lot of use to him in prison, but the gesture was undoubtedly fine."

"Judging by your look of stunned disbelief, Harry did not warn you that I was coming. However, let us assume you have invited me warmly into your house."

"I don't mean to be rude-"
"-yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often."

"The Dursleys, after quick, scared looks at each other, tried to ignore their glasses completely, a difficult feat, as they were nudging them gently on the sides of their heads."

"You have not asked me, for instance, what is my favourite flavour of jam, to check that I am indeed Professor Dumbledore, and not an imposter."
"I didn't..."
"For future reference, Harry, it is raspberry...although of course, if I were a Death Eater, I would have been sure to research my own jam-preferences before impersonating myself."

"I take my hat off to you - or I would, if I were not afraid of showering you with spiders."

"'Harry Potter knows that he can confide in my with complete confidence,' I told them, 'I would rather die than betray his trust."
"That's not saying much, seeing as you're already dead."
"Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe."

"Do you remember me telling you we are practising non-verbal spells, Potter?"
'Yes, sir,"
"There's no need to call me 'sir', Professor."

"An Unbreakable Vow? Nah, he can't have...are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Why, what does it mean?"
"Well, you can't break an Unbreakable Vow."
"I'd worked that much out for myself, funnily enough."

"You shouldn't overexert yourself for a few hours."
"I don't want to stay here overnight, I want to find McLaggen and kill him."
"I'm afraid that would come under the heading of overexertion."

"This is Felix Felicis, I suppose? You haven't got another little bottle full of - I don't know -"
"Essence of Insanity?"

"Harry thought privately that what Aragog would have liked most about Slughorn was the ample amount of edible flesh he provided."

"But she said you were just going for a drink, you'd be back..."
"Well, I certainly did have a drink...and I came back...after a fashion."

"'Good evening, Amycus,' said Dumbledore calmly, as though welcoming the man to a tea party. 'And you've brought Alecto too...charming..."

"Oh, well, lucky we've got such a large supply of Basilisk fangs then. I was wondering what we were going to do with them."

"The sooner this wedding's over, the happy I'll be."
"Yeah, then we'll have nothing to do except find Horcruxes...it'll be like a holiday, won't it?"

"Oh, it can't be a reference to the fact that Harry's a great Seeker, that's way too obvious. There must be a secret message from Dumbledore hidden in the icing."

"That was dramatic."

"Dumbledore wanted to give me the sword? Maybe he thought it would look nice on my wall."

"There's already a good chance Umbridge has chucked it away; the thing doesn't open."
"Unless, she's found a way of opening it and she's now possessed."
"Wouldn't make any difference to her, she was so evil in the first place."

"We've never been spotted under it-"
"Of course not - we're invisible when we're under it, Ron!"

"Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but the fact remains he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to."

"Oh, don't mind me...I'll just lie here and crumble..."

"Tell me one last thing. Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
"Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?"

An Abundance of Katherines

"Crying adds something: crying is you, plus tears. But the feeling Colin had was some horrible opposite of crying. It was you, minus something."

"Colin thought about the dork mantra: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. What a dirty lie."

"My name is Pierre. When I go to the metro, I also make fart music."

"To Colin's mind, the rooster crowing at dawn was nothing more than a literary and cinematic trope. When an author wanted a character to be awoken at dawn, Colin figured the author just used the literary tradition of the crowing rooster to make it happen. It was, he thought, just like how authors always wrote things in ways other than how they actually happened. Authors never included the whole story, they just got to the point. Colin thought the truth should matter as much as the point, and he figured that was why he couldn't tell good stories."

"So why do you think Hollis wants to give us jobs, really?"
"She wants to make me happy. We fatties have a bond, dude. It's like a Secret Society. We've got all kinds of shit you don't know about. Handshakes, special fat people dances - we got these secret fugging lairs in the center of the earth and we go down there in the middle of the night when all the skinny kids are sleeping and eat cake and fried chicken and shit. Why d'you think Hollis is still sleeping, kafir? Because we were up all night in the secret lair injecting butter frosting into our veins."


"Anyway, listen, just drop me off at the store."
"No fugging way. That's how horror movies start. We drop you off, walk into some stranger's house, and five minutes later some psycho's lobbing off my nuts with a machete while his schizophrenic wife makes Colin do push-ups on a bed of hot coals."

"You can't dingleberry that! That's a flagrant misuse of the dingleberry!"

"Did you know that in 1887, Nikola Tesla's hair stood on end for an entire week after he passed fifty thousand volts through his body to prove that elec-"
"Kafir. Absolutely, completely not interesting. Now if Nikola Tesla, whoever the hell that is, had a long-term love affair with a one-legged chicken, and his chicken-lust made his hair stand on end - then, yes, but all means, share with me this bounty of hilarious history."

"The odd thing about that is that Nikola Tesla actually did love birds, but not one-legged chickens. Tesla, who did at least as much for electricity as Thomas Edison, had a quasi-romantic fascination with pigeons. He really fell for one particular white pigeon. Of her, he wrote, "I loved that pigeon. I loved her as a man loves a woman."

"This working business is all right, but I need to sit in my boxers and watch Judge Judy. Do you realize I haven't seen Judge Judy, in, like, twelve days?"

"This is a really excellent book you've written, Mr Mailer. But no one here in 1948 is going to buy it, because it contains even more F-bombs than it does Regular Bombs."

"I said dingleberries, kafir. You will respect the goddamned dingleberries."

"Over the next hour, they hardly spoke, because "the feral hog may shy away from the human voice," Mr Lyford said, as if the feral hog did not shy away from other voices, such as those of Martians."

"The footnotes of the novel you just read (unless you haven't finished reading it and are skipping ahead, in which case you should go back and read everything in order and not try and find out what happens, you sneaky little sneakster) promise a math-laden appendix."

Paper Towns

"Interesting capitalisation."
"Yeah. I'm a big believer in random capitalisation. the rules of capitalisation are so unfair to words in the middle."

"Those of us who frequent the band room have long suspected that Becca maintains her lovely figure by eating nothing by the souls of kittens and the reals of impoverished children."

"What's up, Q?"
Oh, we're just scattering some dead fish about town, breaking some windows, photographing naked guys, hanging out in skyscraper lobbies at three-fifteen in the morning, that kind of thing.
"Not much."

"Her silent entrance into the house would have made a ninja jealous."

"Yeah, so if that guy can make it in drunk, surely we can make it in sober, I mean, we're ninjas."

"Ninjas don't splash other ninjas."
"The true ninjas doesn't make a splash at all."
"Ooh, touche."

"Honestly, first garter snakes and now this fence> This security is sort of insulting to a ninja."

"She's the kind of person who either dies tragically at twenty-seven, like Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin, or else grows up to win, like, the first-ever Nobel Prize for Awesome."

"I think Chuck Paron had a textbook strapped to his stomach."
"Those are called abs."
"Oh, yeah. I've heard of those."

"Ben came out then, his bedhead seeming to challenge our basic understand of the force gravity exerts upon matter."

"This guy sounds like an alcoholic Kermit the Frog with throat cancer."

"Great. Poetry."
"What's wrong with that?"
"Poetry is just so emo. Oh, the pain. The pain. It always rains. In my soul."
"Yeah, I believe that's Shakespeare."

"Sometimes, he's so retarded that he becomes kind of brilliant."

"Bro, it's dark. You can't go to a strange building with a mysterious address in the dark. Haven't you ever seen a horror movie?"
"She could be there."
"Yeah, and a demon who can only be nourished by the pancreases of young boys could also be there."

"Standing before this building, I learn something about fear. I learn that it is not the idle fantasies of someone who maybe wants something important to happen to him, even if the important thing is horrible. it is not the disgust of seeing a dead stranger, and not the breathlessness of hearing a shotgun pumped outside of Becca Arrington's house. This cannot be addressed by breathing exercises. This fear bears no analogy to any fear I knew before. This is the barest of all possible emotions, the feeling that was with us before we existed, before this building existed, before the earth existed. This is the fear that made fish crawl out onto dry land and evolve lungs, the fear that teaches us to run, the fear that makes us bury our dead."

"The last time I was this scared, I actually had to face a Dark Lord in order to make the world safe for wizards."

"Your party kicked so much ass! Even though you suck so much! It's like instead of blood, your heart pumps with liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

"Radar nodded towards the living room, where the tables on either side of the couch held three sets of unnested black Santa nesting dolls. As I renested them, I couldn't help but notice that they were really very beautiful - hand-painted and extraordinarily detailed. I didn't say this to Radar, though, for fear that he would beat me to death with the black Santa lamp in the living room."

"The town was paper, but the memories were not."

"It is so hard to leave - until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamnd thing in the world."

"I can't eat any of this!"
"Well, but you can eat Grandma's cookies. They're not bad for you. They were made by Grandma. Grandma wouldn't hurt you."

American Gods

"Call no man happy until he is dead."

Shadow: "Say 'Nevermore'"
Raven: "Fuck you."

"You're walking on gallows ground, and there's a hempen rope around your neck and a raven-bird on each shoulder, waiting for your eyes, and the gallows tree has deep roots, for it stretches from heaven to hell, and our world is only the branch from which the rope is swinging."

"My name is Town. My colleague here is Mister Road. We're investigating the disappearance of two of our associates."
"What were their names?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Tell me their names. I want to know what they were called. Your associates. Tell me their names and maybe I'll help you."
"...okay. Their names were Mister Stone and Mister Wood. Now, can we ask you some questions?"
"Do you guys just see things and pick names? 'Oh, you be Mister Sidewalk, he's Mister Carpet, say hello to Mister Airplane'?"

"Ma'am, it really is to your advantage to cooperate with us."
"Otherwise, you'll have to introduce me to your friends Mister Thumbscrews and Mister Pentothal?"

"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead." -Ben Franklin

"You are so full of shit it's a wonder your eyes don't turn brown."

"There are stories that are true, in which each individual's tale is unique and tragic, and the worst of the tragedy is that we have heard it before, and we cannot allow ourselves to feel it too deeply. We build a shell around it like an oyster dealing with a painful particle of grit, coating it with smooth pearl layers in order to cope. This is how we walk and talk and function, day in, day out, immune to other's pain and loss. If it were to touch us it would cripple us or make saints of us; but, for the most part, it does not touch us. We cannot allow it to."

"Tonight, as you eat, reflect if you can: there are children starving in the world, starving in numbers larger than the mind can easily hold, up in the big numbers were an error of a million here, a million there, can be forgiven. It may be uncomfortable for you to reflect upon this or it may not, but still, you will eat."

"Women and men, the old and the young of them: there are so many of them, and so many of their stories are tragedies with griefs too deep to be contained, but holding here and there tiny joys, snatched from the darkness like flowers picked by a fallen traveller from the side of a cliff."

"We need individual stories. Without individuals we see only numbers: a thousand dead, a hundred thousand dead, 'casualties may rise to a million'. With individual stories, the statistics become people - but even that is a lie, for the people continue to suffer in numbers that themselves are numbing and meaningless."

"We draw our lines around these moments of pain, and remain upon our islands, and they cannot hurt us. They are covered with a smooth, safe, nacreous layer to let them slip, pearl-like, from our souls without real pain."

"Even Nothing cannot last forever."

"He might have been there, been Nowhere, for ten minutes or for ten thousand years. It made no difference. Time was an idea for which he no longer had any need. He could no longer remember his real name. He felt empty and cleansed, in that place that was not a place. He was without form, and void. He was nothing."

The Foreshadowing

“They all have it. All of them. The trench-haunted look. An appalling weariness behind their eyes. Every single man that has passed through the rest station while I have been here, and there have been literally thousands of them, has exuded an awful aura of…of what? Is it horror? Or fear? Pain or fatigue or shock? It is all of these things. They don’t talk about the trenches specifically; you pick up hints and notions and hear stories and rumours, but none of them talk about it directly. Yet there is enough to form a terrible picture of what they have witnessed, what has been done to them, what they have done to other people. That’s what made me realise what it is about them. They have lost faith. They have lost their faith in what it is to be human. And so the smallest act on our point, not even of kindness, but of mere consideration, makes them so desperately grateful that it makes me want to cry.” –155

“I see myself gazing mesmerised at the chaos, the men on stretchers on the floor, the heaps of discarded boots and mud-caked clothing, the cheap blankets. The smashed bodies and filthy blood-stained bandages. An unbearable stench rises from the appalling horror that waits underneath the cotton wool, and at one point the only equipment that I had for dealing with it was a pair of forceps standing in a glass jar half-full of meths.

I’m just a girl in a nurse’s uniform, but that doesn’t mean I know how to save these men, and them – they are men in uniforms, but that doesn’t mean they know how to die.” -178

“The ground hurtled toward me, but somehow with infinite slowness, so that I had time to gaze at the horrors that unfolded there. All around was carnage, and bloodied bodies. Broken chariots and splintered shields were strewn across the plains as if case there by a god’s hand. Here and there a few men still wearily tried to put an end to each other, but this was a battle that was already dead itself.” -96

“It was then that I saw the raven. It was a huge bird, and at first I could only marvel at its beauty. The blackness of its feathers was perfect; a glistening, oily blackness set off by the charcoal grey of its beak. It fixed an eye on me and puts its head to one side, and only then did I see what it was standing on, what it had been feeding on. I thought I was going to be sick, but I could not look away, and then the bird spoke to me. It spoke with the voice of the dead upon which it was feeding.
‘You!’ it said. ‘You alone saw the horror of war, and wept when we did not believe you.’ -96


"Even the dead tell stories."

"You cannot see the future. You cannot hear what has not yet been said, nor do the days that have yet to be have any place in the huddled collection of memories which fight for your attention."

Witch Hill

"Well, you can run away, but your mind comes with you, doesn't it? And all the memories in it come too."

Doctor Who

"Hello! I'm the Doctor. Basically...run."

"You're Scottish, fry something!"

"Do you know what this phone is full of? Pictures of you. Every form you've learned to take, right here. Oh, and being uploaded about... now. And the final score is: No TARDIS, No screwdriver, two minutes to spare... WHO DA MAN?! -silence- I'm never saying that again. Fine."

"Ahh! Bacon! -eats bacon and spits it out-
That's bacon. Are you trying to poison me?
Beans! -eats beans and spits them out-
Beans are evil. Bad bad beans.
Bread and butter. Now you're talking. -runs outside and throws the bread away-
And stay out!"

"I know what I need! I need... I need... I need... fish fingers and custard!"

"I'm not scared!"
"Course you're not, look at you! Box falls out of the sky, man falls out of a box, man eats fish custard! And look at you... just sitting there. So you know what I think?"
"Must be a hell of a scary crack in your wall."

"Amy Pond, there's something you'd better understand about me cause it's important, and one day your life may depend on it: I am definitely a mad man with a box!"

"You're soaking wet."
"I was in the swimming pool."
"I thought you said you were in the library."
"So was the swimming pool."

"Look where?"
"Exactly where you don't want to look, where you never want to look. The corner of your eye. Look behind you."

"Will that door hold it?"
"Oh yeah, yeah, course! It's an interdimensional multi-form from outer space, they're all 'terrified' of wood!"

"You're worse than my aunt."
"I'm the Doctor, I'm worse than everybody's aunt."

"That's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be?"
"That's you."
"Me? Is that what I look like?"

"You wanted to come fourteen years ago, what happened?"
"I grew up."
"Don't worry, I'll soon fix that."

"Am I people? Do I even look like people? Trust me. I'm the Doctor."

"You know when grown-ups tell you everything's going to be fine, and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?"
"Everything's going to be fine."

"Bow ties are cool."

"All of time and space, everything that ever was or ever will be... where do you want to start?"

"Why did you just do that with that bottle?"
"Don't know. I think a lot. It's hard to keep track."

"A lot of bad stuff happened. And I'd love to forget it all. But I don't. Not ever. Because this is what I do. Every time, every day, every second. This: on five, we're bringing down the government."

" Look, three options: One, I let the Star Whale continue, in unendurable agony for hundreds more years; Two, I kill everyone on this ship; Three, I murder a beautiful, innocent creature as painlessly as I can. And then, I... I find a new name, because I won't be The Doctor anymore."

"Nobody talk to me. Nobody HUMAN has anything to say to me today!"

"You are mister grumpy face today."

"River, hug Amy!"
"Because I'm busy."

"The eyes are not the windows of the soul, they are the doors. Beware what may enter them."

"That which holds the image of an Angel becomes itself an Angel."

"A needle in a haystack."
"A needle that looks like hay. A haylike needle of death. A haylike needle of death in a haystack of... statues. No, yours is fine."

"Amy Pond, you are magnificent and I'm sorry."
"It's okay. I understand. You've got to leave me."
"Oh, no, I'm not leaving you, never. I'm sorry about this."
-bites Amy's hand-
"Ah, see, not stone! Now run!"
"You bit me!"
"Yeah, and you're alive."
"I've got a mark! Look at my hand!"
"And you're alive. Did I mention..."
"Blimey, your teeth. Have you got space teeth?"
"Yeah, alive. All I'm saying."

"Oh, big, big mistake. Really huge. Didn't anyone ever tell you? There's one thing you never put in a trap. If you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never, ever put in a trap."
"And what would that be, sir?"

"The writing - the graffiti - Old High Gallifreyan... the lost language of The Timelords. There were days, there were many days, these words could burn stars, and raise up empires, and topple gods. "

"OK. I've mapped the probability vectors, done a foldback on the temporal isometry, chartered the ship to its destination and... parked us right alongside!"
"Parked us? We haven't landed!"
"Of course we've landed - I just landed her!"
"But...it didn't make the noise."
"What noise?"
"You know the... -imitates TARDIS noise-"
"It's not supposed to make that noise - you leave the brakes on!"
"Yeah, well, it's a brilliant noise. I love that noise."

"Have you ever run away from something because you were scared or not ready? Or just...just because you could?"
"Once. A long time ago."
"What happened?"

"I kept biting them. They said you weren't real."

"I can run away from anything I want. Time's not the boss of me."

"I have to really want to - to bring them back in front of my eyes. The rest of the time they... they sleep in my mind, and I forget. And so will you. Oh, yes, you will. You'll find there's so much else to think about, to remember. Our lives are different to anybody else's. That's the exciting thing! Because nobody in the universe can do what we're doing. You must get some sleep, and let this poor old man stay awake."

My Teacher

“I always like drawing a pig’s tail. Actually that looks like Clive Peeters – eee, eee, easy.”

“Paaaaasive. Leeaaarrnning. This. Is. So. Boring. Why doesn’t someone just shoot him?”

“What power. Like sticking your finger in an electric socket and seeing what happens.”

“I made all of this up after a really cheap bottle of Chardonnay.”

“You’re always infamous when you’re a Year 8. Because it’s magical. There’s Year 7 and Year 9 and inbetween is the magical year of Year 8.”

“This is a plastic sleeve. I want plastic sleeeeeevies.”

“It’s not quite this colour, it’s more disgusting than that. Ah! Like a cross between this pencilcase and that one.”
“I like that colour.”
“Well I think it’s disgusting. Like vomit.”

“And Mrs Anderson chooses the teachers… so that criteria must be useless because I got in.”

“I mean what a thrill. Having an excursion on the first day. To the Courtyard Café. How dramatic.”

“Wait a minute…so much more better? Who was your English teacher?”

“The waterway that has ropes in it to keep Tasmania from floating away.”
“-bursts out laughing- There’s always one. There’s always one that believes me. Ha ha ha.“

“Bass and Flinders were not straight. –bursts out laughing- …well obviously I don’t actually know about that because I wasn’t there.“

“That was either thunder or we just lost another member of staff.”

“Van Dieman, if you want to know his Christian name, it’s this –writes Anthony Van Dieman on board- if you want to look him up on the myspace. Though his picture probably doesn’t look very nice because he’s been dead for centuries.”

“I can’t remember the source…”

“-takes drink- Hmm, talking of spirits.”

“We’re all friends, no one’s recording this, -whispers- turn the microphones off.”

“We can’t have people jumping out the window in front of Henty House. We have visitors. Off the science building is fine, no one can see them.”

“But some could question that that is a prominent spot. Maybe it should be at the front of Royce Theatre or in the executive toilet or something.”

“It’s very annoying when people say ‘the wether will be very hot tomorrow,’ because it sounds like they have some sort of strange fetish.”

“What have they done apart from being glamorous, blonde and deranged?”

“Miss Breare, please give me an example of something outrageous.”
“Twilight is a good book.”

“I’m absolutely delighted to be at this spaghetti factory.”

“You got the part. Well done. You get to play a watermelon.”

“Can I get you to repeat the question?”
“No because I don’t remember it.”

“We’re not going anywhere, not even to Brazil.”

“Clearly this man’s smoking something.”

“And this story has more holes in it than a good quality Swiss cheese.”

“If any of you have a passion for this sort of thing –holds up Constitution- then I can recommend a doctor.”

“A sick little…leprechaun.”

“Something about the guys who wrote the thing Constitution of Australia…they all committed suicide on mass.”

“There is nothing to stop her…apart from death. That could cause a small problem.”

“As my wife says…I’ve still got the bloody frog.”

Tyger, Tyger

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?

In what distant deeps or skies
Burnt the fire of thine eyes?
On what wings dare he aspire?
What the hand dare sieze the fire?

And what shoulder, & what art.
Could twist the sinews of thy heart?
And when thy heart began to beat,
What dread hand? & what dread feet?

What the hammer? what the chain?
In what furnace was thy brain?
What the anvil? what dread grasp
Dare its deadly terrors clasp?

When the stars threw down their spears,
And watered heaven with their tears,
Did he smile his work to see?
Did he who made the Lamb make thee?

Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?


The boy stood on the burning deck,
Whence all but him had fled;
The flame that lit the battle’s wreck
Shone round him o’er the dead.

Yet beautiful and bright he stood,
As born to rule the storm;
A creature of heroic blood,
A proud though childlike form.

The flames rolled on; he would not go
Without his father’s word;
That father, faint in death below,
His voice no longer heard.

He called aloud, "Say, Father, say,
If yet my task be done!"
He knew not that the chieftain lay
Unconscious of his son.

"Speak, Father!" once again he cried,
"If I may yet be gone!"
And but the booming shots replied,
And fast the flames rolled on.

Upon his brow he felt their breath,
And in his waving hair,
And looked from that lone post of death
In still yet brave despair,

And shouted but once more aloud,
"My father! must I stay?"
While o'er him fast, through sail and shroud,
The wreathing fires made way.

They wrapt the ship in splendour wild,
They caught the flag on high,
And streamed above the gallant child,
Like banners in the sky.

There came a burst of thunder sound;
The boy, - Oh! where was he?
Ask of the winds, that far around
With fragments strewed the sea,-

With shroud and mast and pennon fair,
That well had home their part,-
But the noblest thing that perished there
Was that young, faithful heart.

The Raven

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly I wished the morrow; - vainly I had sought to borrow
From my books surcease of sorrow - sorrow for the lost Lenore -
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Nameless here for evermore.

And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before;
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
`'Tis some visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door -
Some late visitor entreating entrance at my chamber door; -
This it is, and nothing more,'

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
`Sir,' said I, `or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
And so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door,
That I scarce was sure I heard you' - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before
But the silence was unbroken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only word there spoken was the whispered word, `Lenore!'
This I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, `Lenore!'
Merely this and nothing more.

Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
`Surely,' said I, `surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
In there stepped a stately raven of the saintly days of yore.
Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;
But, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my chamber door -
Perched upon a bust of Pallas just above my chamber door -
Perched, and sat, and nothing more.

Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grave and stern decorum of the countenance it wore,
`Though thy crest be shorn and shaven, thou,' I said, `art sure no craven.
Ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore -
Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
Though its answer little meaning - little relevancy bore;
For we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
Ever yet was blessed with seeing bird above his chamber door -
Bird or beast above the sculptured bust above his chamber door,
With such name as `Nevermore.'

But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing further then he uttered - not a feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarcely more than muttered `Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.'
Then the bird said, `Nevermore.'

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
`Doubtless,' said I, `what it utters is its only stock and store,
Caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
Followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore -
Till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
Of "Never-nevermore."'

But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
Straight I wheeled a cushioned seat in front of bird and bust and door;
Then, upon the velvet sinking, I betook myself to linking
Fancy unto fancy, thinking what this ominous bird of yore -
What this grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt, and ominous bird of yore
Meant in croaking `Nevermore.'

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
To the fowl whose fiery eyes now burned into my bosom's core;
This and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
On the cushion's velvet lining that the lamp-light gloated o'er,
But whose velvet violet lining with the lamp-light gloating o'er,
She shall press, ah, nevermore!

Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
Swung by Seraphim whose foot-falls tinkled on the tufted floor.
`Wretch,' I cried, `thy God hath lent thee - by these angels he has sent thee
Respite - respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore!
Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe, and forget this lost Lenore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
Whether tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
Desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted -
On this home by horror haunted - tell me truly, I implore -
Is there - is there balm in Gilead? - tell me - tell me, I implore!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
By that Heaven that bends above us - by that God we both adore -
Tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn,
It shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels named Lenore -
Clasp a rare and radiant maiden, whom the angels named Lenore?'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
`Get thee back into the tempest and the Night's Plutonian shore!
Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! - quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!'
Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
On the pallid bust of Pallas just above my chamber door;
And his eyes have all the seeming of a demon's that is dreaming,
And the lamp-light o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
Shall be lifted - nevermore!

Edgar Allan Poe

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. "

"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."

"If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered."

"It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream."

"It is the nature of truth in general, as of some ores in particular, to be richest when most superficial."

Will Grayson, Will grayson

"I'm left standing in the doorway as Tiny races down the steps and starts skipping - yeah, skipping - toward the junior parking lot. 'Tiny!' I shout, but he doesn't turn around; he just keeps skipping. I don't start to skip after his crazy ass or anything, but I do kinda smile."

"Mom, your life isn't out there waiting, so don't think all you have to do is find it and get it. No, your life is right here. And, yeah, it sucks. Lives usually do. So if you want things to change, you don't need to get a life. You need to get off your ass."

"That's so incredibly original. Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some sort of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got eight-year-olds working ninety hours a week to deliver you that kind of top-quality witticism. There are boy bands with more original material."

"Willie the Wildkit, says in a speech bubble, 'Wildkits Respect EVERYONE,' which is hilarious on at least fourteen different levels, the fourteenth being that there is no such thing as a wildkit. Willie the Wildkit looks approximately like a mountain lion, though, and while I'm am admittedly not an expert in zoology, I'm reasonably sure that mountain lions do not, in fact, respect everyone."

"This blue shirt I have is practically the same colour as my jeans, and looking all-blue is something only cookie monsters can pull off."

"I sit down on the curb. I close my eyes. And I scream. If my whole world is going to crash down around me, then I am going to make the sound of the crashing. I want to scream until all my bones break."

"Reality is the anvil."

"The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end."

"I make a gesture that is intended to convey, 'Hey, no hurry, talk as long as you'd like,' and probably actually conveys, 'Hey, look at me! I have spastic hands.'"

"You've reached the voice mail of Tiny Cooper, writer, producer, and star of the new musical Tiny Dancer: The Tiny Cooper Story. I'm sorry, but it appears something more fabulous than your phone call is happening right now. When fabulous levels fall a bit, I'll get back to you."

"God, to go back to when my biggest fear was a hallway."

"When things break, it's not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. It's because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn't fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed."

"Tiny, what's wrong?"
"Nothing's wrong. Everything's right. Things couldn't be righter. Things could be less tired. They could be less busy. They could be less caffeinated. But they couldn't be righter."

"Why do you have to fix the salad? Who broke it? I didn't touch it. Did you break the salad, Mom? If you did, YOU'D BETTER FIX IT!"

"The blankness has disappeared now. There's sadness instead."

"The paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end."

"I hear in the distance a thunderous roar followed by a horrifying set of splashes, and my first thought is, Tiny has written an elephant into the play, and the elephant has just vomited, but then I realise that Tiny is the elephant."

"You're Facebook friends with Tiny?"
"Yes. He request-friended me," Mom says, epically failing to speak Facebook.'

Time Machines Repaired, While-U-Wait

"And if it kills us?"
"If it kills us, we'll be dead, and we won't ever have to piss about with bloody time machines ever again, Charlie. It's practically the best outcome we could ask for, really, if you think about it."

"So, we've got spooks from the future, a dead woman who doesn't exist, some bad guys called "Vores," and...what?"

"You can't see it?"
"See what? All I see is bloody sunflowers!"

"You had a dream in which, let's say, some kind of angel appeared to you, and told you your destiny. And you thought, unlike anybody else, who would have said, 'Hmm, too much cheese before bedtime,' you thought, 'Cool! Where do I sign up to be part of this awesome destiny?'"

"Your daughter. Electra. Lovely girl. Tried to kill me a while ago."

"She stopped and looked at him, astonished again, but this time actually disturbed, like he'd struck her with a huge fish."

The Knife of Never Letting Go

"Their Noise washes down the hill like a flood let loose right at me, like a fire, like a monster the size of the sky come to get you cuz there's nowhere to run."

"We survive alone on a whole big empty womanless world that ain't got nothing good to say for itself, in a town of 146 men that dies a little more with every day that passes."

"They didn't say nothing about a girl, they didn't say nothing about why the quiet makes me ache so much I can barely stop from ruddy weeping, like I'm missing something so bad I can't even think straight, like the emptiness ain't in her, it's in me and there ain't nothing that's ever gonna fix it."

"Being this close to her silence is like my heart breaking all over the place. I can feel it, like it's pulling me down into a bottomless pit, like it's calling for me to just fall and fall and fall."

"He squeezes my neck harder and I can feel myself throwing up but there's nowhere for it to go and I can't breathe and all the lights and colours are flowing together and I'm dying and I'm going to die."

"The only place you belong is the place you can never go back. And so yer always alone, forever and always."

"No one's happy till everyone's miserable."

"There ain't nothing good that don't got real bad waiting to follow it."

"Maybe our story will turn out differently if we take the left form, maybe the bad things that are waiting to happen to us won't happen, maybe there's happiness at the end of the left fork and warm places with the people who love us and no Noise but no silence neither and there's plenty of food and no one dies and no one dies and no one never never dies."

"If they can snuff out the part of you that's good, the part of you that won't kill, then they win, don't you see? If they can do it to you, they can do it to anyone. And they win. They win."

"I start to shake. I start to shake so bad I can't stand up. I find I'm saying 'No' over and over again and the fear in his Noise keeps echoing around mine and there's nowhere to run from it, it's just there and there and there and I'm shaking so bad I can't even stay on my hands and knees and I fall into the mud and I can still see the blood everywhere and the rain's not washing it off. I squeeze my eyes shut tight. And there's only blackness. Only blackness and nothing."

"I start to weep but the pain from the grip of the weep is so bad that for a minute I feel paralysed and a living fire burns thru my arms and back and there's nothing to do but suffer it till it goes."

"I look at the knife again, sitting there on the moss like a thing without properties, a thing made of metal as separate from a boy as can be, a thing which casts all blame from itself to the boy who uses it."

"I stand, world spinning and shining, my body barely my own, my lungs coughing up bits of themselves, my head thumping, my legs shaking, my blood boiling, but I stand. I ruddy well stand."

"The knife is alive. As long as I hold it, as long as I use it, the knife lives, lives in order to take life, but it has to be commanded, it has to have me to tell it to kill, and it wants to, it wants to plunge and thrust and cut and stag and gouge, but I have to want it to as well, my will has to join with its will. I'm the one who allows it and I'm the one responsible. But the knife wanting it makes it easier."

"A drop of sweat from my forehead splashes on the blade and the knife is just a knife again, just a tool, just a piece of metal in my hand. Just a knife."

"And Aaron wrenches his arms and there's a CRACK and a scream and a cut-off yelp that tears my heart in two forever and forever. And the pain is too much it's too much it's too much and my hands are on my head and I'm rearing back and my mouth is opening in a never-ending wordless wail of all the blackness that inside me. And I fall back into it."

"I feel empty. All over empty."

"His absence is so big it's like he's there and all the air goes outta my lungs and I have to wait and breathe deep and swallow."

"We don't look back. We don't look back. We run and the sounds fade. We keep running."

"Midnight comes and we run thru that, too."

"Life equals running and when we stop running maybe that's how we'll know life is finally finished."

"Life ain't fair. It ain't, Not never. It's pointless and stupid and there's only suffering and pain and people who want to hurt you. You can't love nothing or no one cuz it'll all be taken away or ruined and you'll be left alone and constantly having to fight, constantly having to run just to stay alive."

"Do you believe there's hope at the end?"
"No. No, I don't, but I'm still going. You coming with?"

"The sky is so big and blue and the trees so green and this is a world where the animals talk to you, really talk, and you can even talk back and there's so much wonder to be had, so much just waiting for you, Todd, that i almost can't stand that it's not happening for you right now, that yer going to have to wait to see all that's possible, all the things you might do."

"Yer calling for me, son, and I will answer."

"And it hurts her, but it's an okay hurt, but it hurts still, but it's good, but it hurts."

"The roar becomes thunderous, filling up the world with itself, almost like a physical thing, but not in a bad way. Like it's washing you, like it's washing the Noise away."

"But we run.
Boy, do we run.
Cuz maybe (shut up)--
Just maybe (don't think it)--
Maybe there really is hope at the end of the road."

"I think how hope may be the thing that pulls you forward, may be the thing that keeps you going, but that it's dangerous, too, that it's painful and risky, that it's making a dare to the world and when has the world ever let us win a dare?"

"And my noise rising with the knowledge that we're finished, that there's no way out this time, that if the world wants you, it's gonna keep on coming till it gets you. And who am I that I can fix it? Who am I that can change this if the world wants it so badly? Who am I to stop the end of the world if it keeps on coming?"

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Rose Tyler in the TARDIS with the Doctor reviews
Gone were the white walls that separated them. Gone were the separate universes that had tried to keep them apart. All that separated them now was a road. Her on one side and him on the other. But not for long.
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 722 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/21/2011 - 11th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
Shards of Shattered Roses reviews
Originally, he was just going to visit the apartment. To say a last goodbye surrounded by her memories, but then it had escalated into more. Much, much more. -Post Doomsday-
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 25 - Words: 73,455 - Reviews: 242 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 1/19/2011 - Published: 9/29/2009 - 10th Doctor, Rose T.
Holding On reviews
In Partners in Crime, the Doctor tells Donna to hold on as she dangles from the end of a cable above London. But then he remembers another time when he told a lost companion to hold on. Doomsday.
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 934 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 11 - Published: 12/24/2010 - 10th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
Quiet Moments reviews
"Amy noticed that his eyes had focussed on something in front of him. She turned to follow his gaze but there was nothing in his line of sight except the wall of the TARDIS." The Doctor sees Rose in the console room, but is she really there?
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,002 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 11 - Published: 12/18/2010 - 11th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
Cracked Memories reviews
While examining the crack in Amelia Pond's wall, the Doctor hears a painfully familiar voice reaching through from across the void.
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 716 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/18/2010 - 11th Doctor, Rose T. - Complete
Defying Gravity reviews
The Doctor always seems to have amazing hair - styled to utter perfection. It must take him hours to create it. So just what to his companions think about that, as they wait to go on an adventure? And wait. And wait...
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,346 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/29/2010 - 11th Doctor, 10th Doctor - Complete
Never Forgotten reviews
"J.K Rowling. You should know just how brilliant you are." The Doctor goes to get his copy of Deathly Hallows signed.
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 983 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 111 - Follows: 14 - Published: 7/4/2010 - 10th Doctor - Complete
Glimpses reviews
Just short little drabbles, mostly from the new series. "I just feel like I'm forgetting something."... "Have you got a pen?" ... "How many more?" ... "What is the point of you?" ... "He needed a canvas and some paints."
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 13 - Words: 5,133 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 6/26/2010 - Published: 6/13/2010 - 11th Doctor, Amelia P./Amy
Meringues reviews
Written from prompt - "I can't make a decent meringue!" Eleven can't make meringues, but can Ten?
Doctor Who - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 684 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/13/2010 - 10th Doctor, Donna N. - Complete
Not Fair reviews
"I could do so much more. SO. MUCH. MORE. But this is what I get." End of Time.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,757 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/26/2010 - 10th Doctor, Wilfred M./Wilf - Complete
Your Fault reviews
"This is all your fault, Harkness." Written for thedeejay. Oneshot. Rated T for well...Jack.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,198 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/26/2010 - 10th Doctor, Jack H. - Complete
One Jackie, Now You're Scared reviews
Missing scene written for my story Shards of Shattered Roses. Must have read that. "Jackie was somehow managing to keep screaming as she alternated between hitting Jack and hitting the Doctor, sometimes throwing in a slap for good measure." T for safety.
Doctor Who - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 988 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 10 - Published: 2/26/2010 - 10th Doctor, Jackie T. - Complete
Elves & Aliens reviews
Rose-reunion fic...The Doctor, Artemis Fowl and Foaly build a machine so the Doctor can go get Rose from the parallel universe! Spoilers for The Time Paradox and in Dr Who this is post-Martha, pre-Donna. First fanfiction.
Crossover - Doctor Who & Artemis Fowl - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 23 - Words: 25,827 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 6/26/2009 - Published: 3/21/2009 - 10th Doctor, Artemis F. - Complete
Her Song Must End reviews
A re-written version on the end of Forest of the Dead. River bashing. Written before series five and six.
Doctor Who - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,404 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 4 - Published: 6/7/2009 - 10th Doctor, River Song/Melody P. III - Complete