Author has written 14 stories for Doctor Who, and Artemis Fowl.
NOTE: PREVIOUSLY KNOWN AS 'THE PURPLE GOD'. I AM STILL THE SAME PERSON. I JUST NEEDED A NEW NAME.
If you have a life and are not bored to death right now, skip my profile. I don't mind. Really.
But when you are bored to death. Come read it.
A Mad Man With A Box's Stories:
Summary: Originally, he was just going to visit the apartment. To say a last goodbye surrounded by her memories, but then it had escalated into more. Much, much more. -Post Doomsday-
Sequel?: I will say nothing.
Summary: "J.K Rowling. You should know just how brilliant you are." The Doctor goes to get his copy of Deathly Hallows signed.
Summary: Gone were the white walls that separated them. Gone were the separate universes that had tried to keep them apart. All that separated them now was a road. Her on one side and him on the other. But not for long.
Sequel? No. Why do I even have this question?
Summary: The Doctor always seems to have amazing hair - styled to utter perfection. It must take him hours to create it. So just what to his companions think about that, as they wait to go on an adventure? And wait. And wait...
Summary: "Amy noticed that his eyes had focussed on something in front of him. She turned to follow his gaze but there was nothing in his line of sight except the wall of the TARDIS." The Doctor sees Rose in the console room, but is she really there?
Summary: While examining the crack in Amelia Pond's wall, the Doctor hears a painfully familiar voice reaching through from across the void.
Summary: My re-written version of the end of Forest of the Dead, because I REALLY hate Riversong. I mean why can't she not be all noble and die and stay dead for goodness sake. Read if you hate Riversong too!
Summary: "This is all your fault, Harkness."
Sequel?: Eh, no.
Summary: "I could do so much more. SO. MUCH. MORE. But this is what I get." End of Time.
Summary: Just short little drabbles, mostly from the new series. "I just feel like I'm forgetting something."... "Have you got a pen?" ... "How many more?" ... "What is the point of you?" ... "He needed a canvas and some paints."
Status: In-Progess, but not top-priority.
Summary: Written from prompt - "I can't make a decent meringue!" Eleven can't make meringues, but can Ten?
Summary: Missing scene written for my story Shards of Shattered Roses. Must have read that. "Jackie was somehow managing to keep screaming as she alternated between hitting Jack and hitting the Doctor, sometimes throwing in a slap for good measure."
Summary: Rose-reunion fic...The Doctor, Artemis Fowl and Foaly build a machine so the Doctor can go get Rose from the parallel universe! Surprise twists coming up, and evil cliffhangers! Spoilers for The Time Paradox and in Dr Who this is post-Martha, pre-Donna.
Sequel?: Yes, but it's been removed from Fanfiction.Net.
Okay, I am now officially a member of FictionPress.net and on there my pen name is still The Purple God!
How to Tell if You're a Writer
-If you talk to yourself.
That is very me, well it is basically me in a nutshell...just tonight when I was playing goalkeeper, I was talking to myself about why I talk to myself when I could just say it in my head, and why I was talking to myself in the first place...
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
If you could read that put it in your profile.
I shall just put quotes here whenever I'm bored, but I love waaaaaaaaaaaay too many quotes so I shall just put in all the ones I can be bothered to
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
--Henry David Thoreau
"It's like when you're a kid, the first time they tell you that the world's turning and you just can't quite believe it because everything looks like it's standing still. I can feel it. The turn of the Earth. The ground beneath our feet is spinning at a thousand miles an hour and the entire planet is hurtling around the Sun at sixty-seven thousand miles an hour, and I can feel it. We're falling through space, you and me. Clinging to the skin of this tiny little world, and if we let go...That's who I am. Now forget me, Rose Tyler. Go home."
"The Doctor is a legend woven throughout history. When disaster comes, he's there, and he brings a storm in his wake."
"Is that a technical term, 'jiggery pokery'?"
"You think it'll last forever. The people, and cars, and concrete. But it won't. Then one day it's all gone. Even the sky. My planet's gone. It's dead. It burned, like the Earth. It's just rocks and dust. Before its time."
"I saw the Fall of Troy! World War Five! I was pushing boxes at the Boston Tea Party! Now I'm gonna die in a dungeon...in Cardiff!"
"Nine hundred years of time and space, and I've never been slapped by someone's mother."
"Excuse me, do you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?"
"...And over on the Bad Wolf channel, the Face of Boe has just announced he's pregnant."
"Might seem like a stupid question, but has anything fallen from the sky recently?"
"Nine hundred years of phone box travel and it's the only thing left that surprises me. You're ringing. How can you be ringing? You're not even a real phone!"
"Go to your room. Go to your room! I mean it. I'm very, very angry with you. I'm very, very cross! Go to your room!...I'm really glad that worked. Those would have been terrible last words."
"Go! Now! Don't drop the banana! Good source of potassium!"
"Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, 'Ooo, this could be a little more sonic'?"
"You know what they call me in the ancient legends of the Dalek homeworld? The Oncoming Storm. You might have removed all your emotions, but I reckon right down deep in your DNA there's one little spark left. And that's fear. Doesn't it just burn when you face me?"
"I am the Bad Wolf. I create myself. I take the words; I scatter them in time and space, a message to lead myself here."
"Rose Tyler. I was gonna take you to so many places. Barcelona! Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. You'd love it, fantastic place! They've got dogs with no noses! Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke and it's still funny!"
"I might never make sense again! I might have two heads, or no head. Imagine me with no head! And don't say that's an improvement."
"You're mad!" "You're right! I look daft in one shoe. There...bare foot on the moon!"
"Judoon platoon upon the moon."
"You're Mister Thick-Thick-Thickity-Thick Face from Thicktown, Thickania, and so's your dad!"
"Am I... ginger? "
"And you, Rose Tyler! Fat lot of good you were! You gave up on me! Ooh, that's rude. Is that the sort of man I am now? Am I rude? Rude and not ginger."
"I like my thumb, I need my thumb, I'm very attached to my thumb."
"Correctamundo! A word... I... have... never used before and hopefully never will again."
"Oh, this and that. Became the imaginary friend of a future French aristocrat, picked a fight with a clockwork man...Oh, and I met a horse."
"Oh, look at what the cat dragged in: "The Oncoming Storm."
"Well, for starters, I know you can't wrap your hand around your elbow and make your fingers meet."
"Me living in a house! Now that- that is terrifying."
"Can you imagine that, nothing? No light, no dark, no up, no down, no life...no time...without end. My people called it "the Void", the Eternals call it "the Howling", but some people call it Hell. "
"I'm going tenpin bowling. Why do you think, Dumbo?! I was halfway up the aisle!"
"I am in my wedding dress. It doesn't have pockets! Who has pockets? Have you ever seen a bride with pockets?! When I went to my fitting at Chez Allison, the one thing I forgot to say was "GIVE ME POCKETS!"
"Guess what I've got, Donna? Pockets!...They're bigger on the inside."
"My mate Ben, that was a day and a half. I got rope burns off that kite. And then I got soaked- and then I got electrocuted."
"Have you seen?! There are these... things. These... great, big space rhino things! I mean rhinos from space! And we're on the moon! Great big space rhinos, with guns, on the moon! And I only came in for my bunions! Look, Oh, they're all fixed now, perfectly good treatment, the nurses were lovely, I said to my wife, I said, I recommend this place to anyone. But then we end up on the moon! And...did I mention the rhinos?"
"I'm talking to an alien? In hospital?!What, has this place got an E.T. department?"
Martha: "It's like in the films! You Step on a butterfly,you change the future of the human race!"
"I'm not even human. Just walk around like you own the place, it works for me."
"Good old J.K.!"
"The sky's burnt orange, with the citadel enclosed in a mighty glass dome, shining under the twin suns. Beyond that, the mountains go on forever. Slopes of deep red grass, capped with snow. "
"Everything has its time. You know that, old friend, better than most."
"I lied to you, 'cos I liked it. I could pretend, just for a bit, I could imagine they were still alive underneath that burnt orange sky. I'm not just a Time Lord, I'm the last of the Time Lords. The Face of Boe was wrong; there's no one else."
"There was a war. A Time War. The Last Great Time War. My people fought a race called the Daleks, for the sake of all creation. And they lost. We lost. Everyone lost. They're all gone now. My family. My friends. Even that sky. Oh, you should have seen it! That old planet... The second sun would rise in the south, and the mountains would shine. The leaves on the trees were silver, when they caught the light, every morning it looked like a forest on fire. When the autumn came, a brilliant glow though the branches..."
"My planet is gone. Destroyed in a Great War. Yet versions of this city stand throughout history. The human race always continues."
"They survived, they always survive, while I lose everything."
"I'm old enough to know that a longer life isn't always a better one. In the end you just get tired. Tired of the struggle. Tired of losing everyone who matters to you. Tired of watching everything turn to dust. If you live long enough, Lazarus, the only certainty left is that you'll end up alone."
"The wonderful world of space travel... The prettier it looks, the more likely it is to kill you."
"He's like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night, and the storm in the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever. He burns at the center of time and he can see the turn of the universe. And... he's wonderful."
"He never raised his voice. That was the worst thing -- the fury of the Time Lord -- and then we discovered why. Why this Doctor, who had fought with gods and demons, why he had run away from us and hidden, he was being kind. He still visits my sister, once a year, every year. I wonder if one day he might forgive her, but there she is. Can you see? He trapped her inside a mirror. Every mirror. If ever you look at your reflection and see something move behind you just for a second, that's her. That's always her. As for me, I was suspended in time and the Doctor put me to work standing over the fields of England, as their protector. We wanted to live forever. So the Doctor made sure we did."
"Fascinating race, the Weeping Angels. The only psychopaths in the universe to kill you nicely. No mess, no fuss, they just zap you into the past and let you live to death. The rest of your life used up and blown away in the blink of an eye. You die in the past and in the present they consume the energy of all the days you might have had; all your stolen moments. They're creatures of the abstract and live off potential energy."
"This is my timey-wimey detector. Goes ding when there's stuff. Also it can boil an egg at thirty paces."
"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect... but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff."
"'The Angels have the phone box'. That's my favourite; I've got that on a t-shirt!"
"Lonely Assassins, they used to be called. No one quite knows where they came from, but they're as old as the Universe, or very nearly, and they have survived this long because they have the most perfect defense system ever evolved. They're quantum-locked. They don't exist when they're being observed. The moment they are seen by any other living creature, they freeze into rock. No choice, it's a fact of their biology. In the sight of any living thing they literally turn to stone. And you can't kill a stone. 'Course, a stone can't kill you either, but...then you turn your head away. Then you blink, and oh yes it can!"
"Blimey, the end of the universe is a bit humbling."
"The drums, the drums, the drums, the never-ending drumbeat."
" Well, perfect to look at, maybe. And it was, it was beautiful. They used to call it the Shining World of the Seven Systems. And on the continent of Wild Endeavour, in the mountains of Solace and Solitude, there stood the Citadel of the Time Lords. The oldest and most mighty race in the universe. Looking down on the galaxies below, sworn never to interfere, only to watch. Children of Gallifrey were taken from their families at the age of eight, to enter the Academy. Some say that's where it all began, when he was a child. That's when the Master saw eternity. As a novice, he was taken for initiation. He stood in front of the Untempered Schism. It's a gap in the fabric of reality through which could be seen the whole of the vortex. We stand there, eight years old, staring at the raw power of Time and Space, just a child. Some would be inspired. Some would run away. And some would go mad."
"There's something else I've always wanted to say: Allons-y Alonso!"
"If you ever see a little blue box flying up there in the sky, you shout for me Gramps. Oh, you just shout."
"Now that's what I call a spaceship! You've got a box, he's got a Ferrari!"
"He is too skinny for words, you give him a hug, you get a paper cut!"
"About you? Oh, right from the start. Reduced iris contraction, slight thinning of the hair follicles on the left temple, and, frankly, you smell. You might as well have worn a t-shirt saying 'Clone' although maybe not in front of Captain Jack."
Donna: "You are completely impossible!"
"He saves planets, rescues civilizations, defeats terrible creatures ... and runs a lot. Seriously, there is an outrageous amount of running involved."
"Well, you need to get yourself a better dictionary. When you do, look up 'genocide'. You'll find a little picture of me there, and the caption'll read 'Over my dead body'"
"You talk all the time but you never say anything."
"Oh! I love your stuff; what a mind! You fool me every time- well, almost every time-- WELL... Once or twice-- Well... once, but it was a good once!"
"It's a murder, a mystery and Agatha Christie!"
"When I say giant, I don't mean big. I mean FLIPPIN' ENORMOUS!"
"The Library. So big it doesn't need a name – just a great big 'the.' "
"Stay out of the shadows."
"AAAH! I'm thick! Look at me, I'm old and thick! Head's too full of stuff, I need a bigger head!"
"I'm a time traveller, I point and laugh at archaeologists."
"Almost every species in the universe has an irrational fear of the dark, but they're wrong, because it's not irrational."
"There's the real world and there's the world of nightmares."
" Daleks: Aim for the eye stalk. Sontarans: Back of the neck. Vashta Nerada...run. Just run."
"Don't play games with me. You just killed someone I liked, that is not a safe place to stand. I'm the Doctor and you're in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up!"
"This isn't my real body? ... But I've been dieting!"
"Roast beef. Bananas. The Medusa Cascade. BANG! Rose Tyler Martha Jones Donna Noble TARDIS! Shamble-bobble-dibble-dooble. Oh, Doctor, you're so handsome. Yes, I am, thank you. A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-"
"Sorry. I'm the Doctor, I'm very clever."
"He is coming... the Threefold Man. He dances in the lonely places, oh, Creator of us all...The Doctor is coming!!"
No bo ho sho ko ro to sho! Bo-ka-to-sa-go-bo-fo-bo-jo! Mo ho."
"The darkness is coming."
"The stars are going out."
" Exterminieren! Exterminieren! Halt! Sonst werden wir Sie exterminieren! Sie sind jetzt ein Gefangener der Daleks! Exterminieren! Exterminieren!" (" Exterminate! Exterminate! Stop! Otherwise we will exterminate! You are now a prisoner of the Daleks! Exterminate! Exterminate!")
"How many more? Just think, how many have died in your name? The Doctor. The man who keeps running, never looking back because he dare not, out of shame. This is my final victory, Doctor. I have shown you yourself."
"I'd thought we'd try the planet Felspoon, just 'cause. What a good name - Felspoon. It's got mountains that sway in the breeze, mountains that move, can you imagine?"
"I just want you to know, there are worlds out there, safe in the sky because of her. That there are people living in the light, and singing songs of Donna Noble. A thousand, million light years away. They will never forget her, while she can never remember. But for one moment... one shining moment... she was the most important woman in the whole wide universe."
"Do you wanna come with me? 'Cause if you do then I should warn you, you're gonna see all sorts of things. Ghosts from the past. Aliens from the future. The day the Earth died in a ball of flame. It won't be quiet, it won't be safe, and it won't be calm. But I'll tell you what it will be: The trip of a lifetime!"
"Anything I could do? I could make a tea, or is that not American enough? How about some grits? What are grits anyway?"
"So, a plan to assassinate some weird looking aliens with scissors. How very neutral of you. It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing. Rock crushes scissors! ...But paper covers rock ...and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum! Search them for paper, and bring me a rock."
"The Parasites are natural. You can't fight nature."
"Don't tell me the boy who irritates marshals for fun is afraid of heights."
"We, are the world's only Supernaturalists."
'The Supernaturalists were no longer a secret organisation. There were adults involved now. The corporations were involving them in their schemes. The next thing you know, they'd all have dental plans and pensions.'
"Have you ever had, like, a conversation with another person before?"
"Lift off in ten? Is there a mission control somewhere that I didn't notice?"
"What are you doing here, Faustino? What is this madness?"
"My work here is officially unofficial."
"The trouble with a kitten is that when it grows up, it's always a cat."
"Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?"
“I do not like to get the news, because there has never been an era when so many things were going so right for so many of the wrong persons."
"I'll just step inside this police box and arrest myself."
"Certain moments in time, are fixed. Everything else is in flux, anything can happen. But those certain moments, they have to stand. This base, on Mars, what happens here must always happen..."
"They said I was gonna die. They said he will knock four times. And I think I know what that means, but that doesn't mean right here, right now, because I don't hear anyone knocking do you?!" - knock. knock. knock. knock - (Awesomest quote ever)
"We all like a little bit of cake don't we. Now, if you have a cake, and only eat half of it, then it's half the calories, so you can eat twice as much!"
"Before I die of old age, which in my case would be quite an achievement, so congratulations on that."
"Confidence in nonsense is a requirement for the creative process."
"In a crazy world, it's only your insanity that will keep you sane"
"I had nothing to offer anyone but my own confusion."
"We have to live our lives as if we are dying of a fatal disease. Because we are."
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
"It's always more fun when you don't understand it."
"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
"Poetry often enters through the window of irrelevance".
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those
"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no fucking way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the hell can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why isn't notebook paper constantly suffocating students while they take notes in class? I'll tell you why: because paper can't beat anybody; a rock would tear that shit up in 2 seconds. When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh shit, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you, you asshole!"
"Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do."
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if you think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem?"
"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."
"Earth is the insane asylum for the universe."
"I intend to live forever - so far, so good."
"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak."
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up."
"Before you insult somebody you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you insult them you'll be a mile away and have their shoes!"
"By the time you read this you've already read it."
Hermux Tantamoq Series
“It was one thing to be alone and facing certain death or worse at the hands of Dr Mennus, and it was another thing to be expected to do it without coffee.”
“But what about leaving you to die in the mousetrap?”
“Are you okay?”
“You left town and deserted Mirrin over a want ad for a cat king’s library?”
“I was under the impression that you were dead.”
“I wish I could make your little dreams come true. They probably won’t. And maybe it’s better that you just face it.”
“I’d like to get out of it alive. If you don’t mind.”
“But it’s all a lie! You didn’t invent any of it!”
“Lucky for us that Hinkum is a little amateurish at this villain thing.”
“But you’re Hinkum Stepfitchler. Didn’t your great-great-great-great-grandfather or whatever invent geography?”
“At his sentencing, she had appeared as the tragic widow. Even though they weren’t married and he wasn’t dead.”
“Wouldn’t you just love to be buried like this? All this space just for you and with hundreds of people visiting you every day? Plus a gift shop? And postcards? Being dead wouldn’t be so bad.”
“I’m suing you for on-the-job injury!”
“Your picture. I’m going to tape it to the cash register. I like seeing my customers in print.”
“Of course it makes sense! Why would I be doing it if it didn’t make sense?”
“If I only did what I knew how to do, I’d never do anything at all.”
“This is crazy!”
“Don’t trust anyone here! Anyone!”
“Now I find out that I’ve been working for some dead movie star!”
“Coffee? Or would you like a nice wooden stake?”
“You can do a lot of things, can’t you? Minding your own business does not seem to be one of them.”
“We’re too busy growing roses and living lives like normal people.”
“Everyone who’s anyone will be there, including me, naturally!”
‘Killium Wollar might have been a nice-looking mouse if it weren’t for his appearance. And he might have been a likeable mouse if it weren’t for his personality.’
“Dead? He’s not dead. Even he wouldn’t be that thoughtless!”
‘It was time to go to Plan B. Unfortunately, Plan B didn’t exist.”
Doctor Down Under
‘"Oh, we so should... but how are we going to kill a character that’s fictional in our world?" asked Willow grabbing a random book of the shelf and chucking it away.
‘“Do you realize that going into the past can affect the future?! You could change the future of the human race!” Ella and Willow glanced at each other, raising their eyebrows.
‘“GLABDOF NO!” The Doctor shouted for apparently no reason.’
“DON’T SPEAK OVER ME WHEN I’M INTERRUPTING YOU!”
‘“Wait, wait wait wait, stop, hang on!” said the Doctor painstakingly. “How will killing anyone restore the universe?? That makes no sense! And if it makes no sense to me then it doesn’t make sense!”
'“Googllenessly.” Muttered the Doctor as he came too.
“I wrote it!” exclaimed the author indignantly.
Maximum Ride Series
"Note to self: Give subconscious a pep talk, re: better dreams."
"Could the School be located in a more perfect place? Death Valley. Above the Badwater Basin. Like, when we got there, we'd see a road paved with good intentions, and have to cross the river Styx to get in."
"A thoughtful burglar, that's me."
"Oh no - years of Max influence are taking their toll. You sound like just like her. You're like, a Maxlet. A Maxketeer."
"I made one of my famous snap decisions, the kind that everyone remembers for being either the stupidest dumb-butt thing they ever saw, or else the miraculous saving of the day. I seem to hear more about the first kind. That's gratitude for you."
'"I take it you don't want me to call your parents?"
"Amazingly she was trying to act casual, like, oh, okay, you have a wing. No biggie."
"In case you're wondering, it's still a dump."
He literally licked his chops and rubbed his huge, hairy hands together, as if he'd learned how to be a bad guy from cartoons."
"I feel like, like pudding. Pudding, with nerve endings. Pudding in great pain."
"We were in a top-secret facility in the middle of Death Valley, officially called 'freaking nowhere' on any map, and yet he managed to produce marshmallows."
"You have a destiny that you can't imagine."
"In the dictionary, next to the word 'tension,' there is a picture of a mid-sized mutant stuck inside a dog crate, wondering if her destiny is to be killed or to save the world. Okay, not really. But it should be."
"Man, you weigh a freaking ton. What've you been eating, rocks?"
"I lead the way out to the crowd, trying to look casual, like, fly? Me? Nah."
"He looked faintly disapproving, but not like he wanted to rip our lungs out, so I figured he wasn't an Eraser."
"It's always refreshing to meet someone crazier than us. We seem so normal, afterward."
"Do you hear that, Voice? If you're going to make me let everyone down, you're going to be sorry you ever... entered my brain. Oh, my God, I was so freaking nuts."
"It was the building from the drawing in my brain. If you don't think that's a weird sentence, maybe you should reread it."
"Jason wrote it all down, looking like he was enduring an hour-long eye-poke."
"Like my bedroom was charming. Charming! What did I know about charming? I'd never called anything charming before in my life."
"It's just so beautiful here," Nudge said, gazing at the untrustable rolling hills, the dark secret-concealing orchard, the pond (see above rant re pond), the small, literally babbling brook that ran into the pond. "Like the Garden of Eden."
"I had made a friend. My second one in fourteen years. I was on a roll."
"Later I sat at the table doing my homework, which is just another term for 'grown-up-imposed yet self-inflicted torture.' "
"Yeah? You mean the wings? Or was it the infiltrating-your-brain part?"
"I was impressed. Vermin was a new one on me, and I'd been called everything from arrogant to zealous."
"What Anne didn't get was that only weeks ago we'd been sleeping in subway tunnels and scrounging for food. So being 'grounded' and not able to watch TV was, like, meaningless."
"Fang! This is huge break! Of course we should go check it out."
"What if it's my first turkey and our first Thanksgiving together and it's awful and dry and we all hate it?"
"A nondescript black sedan pulled to a stop by the house. A black sedan. What a cliche."
"I thought of all the nights she'd tucked us in, the many disastrous attempts to put dinner on the table. How she'd bought us clothes, books, art supplies. She'd held Nudge when she cried, she'd patched up Gazzy's skinned knees. You know what? I'd done all that stuff too. And I was better at it. And, bonus, I wasn't evil."
"Part of my becoming? Congratulations. You're part of my becoming pissed off."
"You know what they say: curiosity killed the mutant bird kid."
"It was a huge change from, say, Erasers, who mainly showed us how to not be clumsy, predatory idiots."
"Ari felt like, Hellooo, I have wings! I turn into a wolf! Blending is out of the question!"
"You've got a date with destiny. Don't be late."
"It's funny how different people are. If I'd been this kid and someone was snarling 'Ordering a pizza?' at me, without even thinking, I would have snarled back, 'Yeah. You want pepperoni?"
"Disney World? They're not on vacation! They're on the run! They're running for their lives! Death is following them like a bullet, and they're on the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad?"
"Please do not let my last moments on earth be me crammed into a tiny boat in the dark, surrounded by mechanical singing pirates."
Gazzy: "Why does the dog get to sit in your lap?"
"Through our sheer instinct and heightened powers of deduction, we had zeroed in on the place that might hold some answers for us. Heightened powers of deduction meaning being able to read all the signs on the highway saying 'Itex - Exit 398.'
"Was I dead? If I was dead, I was going to be incredibly pissed because there was no way I could deal with this limitless nothingness for an hour, much less eternity. No one had said death would be so intensely boring."
"But I have to tell you, you need to get on board with this saving-the-world project."
"Show them you've got what it takes."
"I hoped I wasn't truly dead. That would make finding our parents and saving the world really hard."
"I, Maximum Ride, was dead, and nobody seemed to have noticed. Maybe I really was dead. I was starting to not really care one way or another."
"Did you know that wasn't me, the other Max?"
"Funny, you didn't look insane when you got up this morning."
"Fang? Are you - like Max?"
'I had no Spring Fling in my date book. Mostly I had 'kick Eraser butt,' 'destroy evil School,' 'save world,' stuff like that."
"Even though the Voice had been kind of helpful sometimes, I still wanted everyone out of my head except me. Which is such a pathetic sentence, one that not a lot of people need to say."
"I mean, points for the jail cell. Kudos for the Velcro straps. Those were good starts. But you're sort of falling down with the chocolate-chip cookies. Like, did you skip school the day they taught hostage treatment?"
"Does it feel like you've been through a lot?"
"Max, I've got something to tell you that I know is going to be hard to believe."
"The truth is, Max, that nothing is as it seems."
"The truth is, Max, that you're at the School."
"Retire as in kill? Is that how you live with yourselves? By using euphemisms for death and murder? In today's news, seven people were 'retired' in a horrific accident on Highway Seventeen... Jimmy, don't retire that bird with your shotgun... Please, sir, don't retire me! You can have my wallet! How's that working out for you?
ter Borcht: "Ve need to gather some final data. Den you will be exterminated."
"Now, let's say they come get us."
"Buckingham Palace. Where the Queen lives. And Mr. Queen."
"Wait, don't tell me. We're gonna break in, steal some stuff, break some stuff, almost get caught, and then escape in some dangerous, dramatic way."
"Perfect. Finally, after fourteen years, I meet my mother, and she's a raving lunatic."
"Take them to the place that I prepared. You know what to do once you get there."
"Well, well. Fancy meeting you. Come here often? How's the food?"
"I still can't believe I don't have a clone."
Scientist: "Tell us about your sense of direction. How does it work?"
"In the meantime, we're going to work on a serious attitude adjustment."
"Oh, my God, I was so badass. It was all I could do not to give a mwa ha ha ha!"
"I'm one hundred and seven years old."
Dr. Martinez: "And Max, I've put some scraps in a bowl for your dog. It's on the floor, by the back door."
"It's a baby plane. It's going to grow up to be a seven forty-seven one someday."
"No, no, don't stop me. Certain things must be said. I always swore I'd face death with dignity and honour."
"Akila, I was glad to see, was looking relatively undamaged - though haughty, as if all this being captured was okay for ordinary mutants, but not for a purebred Malmute whose mother had once won the Iditarod dog sled race."
Nudge: "Oh, my God! Oh, my God!"
"The Uber-Director is auctioning you off to the highest bidder. He expects you to bring a great deal of money."
'"Max!" said Steve, holding out his hand. "May I call you Max?
..."Max, I mean - Max," Steve said, with no idea what else to call me.'
"But I admit, it did my heart proud to see the instant blood-lust pop in Gazzy's blue eyes and to see little Angel automatically tense up and get into fighting stance, ready to rip someone's head off. They were just so - so dang adorable sometimes."
"Because when it comes right down to it, in the end, when push comes to shove and my back's against the wall, when I can't think of another freaking cliche to throw your way, the only person I really, really, really trust, no matter what, is me."
"Do you want to know what's the closest thing to feeling the most powerful you can feel? Flying alone at night. Risky. Nothing but you and the wind. Soaring way above everything, slicing through the air like a sword. Up and up until you feel like you could grab a star and hold it to your chest like a burning, spiky thing...
"There was a tiny skylight. Could I - Oh. Max no fly. Bummer."
"I am sorry that you and the flock will be dead soon. But my scientists will enjoy taking you apart to find out what makes you tick."
Max: "I do not 'go charging off!'"
"You could lock the Gasman in a padded cell with some dental floss and a bowl of jelly, and he'd find a way to make something explode."
"Did you leave the flamethrowers lying around again?"
"I'm brilliant! I'm a genius! I can blow up the world!
Max: "I do not charge off!"
"People trying to stick me in classrooms was becoming as predictable and annoying as people trying to kill me, but with less-fun results."
Angel: "Excuse me. What does LTC stand for?"
"You know and I know that Angel is two parts adorable blond cherub, two parts unholy demon, and two parts of something completely indefinable but even scarier. Most people only see the cute little girl. The lucky ones."
"We stood around waiting, along with the rest of the class, which now stared at us as if we were freaks. Oh, wait - that was because we are."
"She's a child!"
"Oh! Is this the ocean?"
"Angel was holding up her hand in the universal 'stop shark attack' gesture. She was frowning sternly at the sharks, one hand on her hips. 'Oh no you don't!" she gurgled loudly, right at the three huge man-eaters. They stopped, and if they'd been on dry land, they would have skidded. As it was, they came to an abrupt surprised stop, inches away from the three bird kids. Angel shook her finger at them, in the universal gesture for "Bad! bad shark!"
"I felt like I hardly had room to breathe. It was like, Hello, Claustrophobia? It's me, Max."
"Besides the swimming child with gills, I'm not seeing anything unusual here."
"We have Maximum Ride in custody. Sign this, and we will let her go."
The Hunger Games
"But in District Twelve , where the word tribute is pretty much synonymous with the word corpse, volunteers are all but extinct."
"Maybe if I had thanked him at some point, I'd be feeling less conflicted now. I thought about it a couple of times, but the opportunity never seemed to present itself. And now it never will. Because we're going to be thrown into an arena to fight to the death. Exactly how am I supposed to work in a thank you in there? Somehow it just won't seem sincere if I'm trying to slit his throat."
'Then we move on to camouflage. Peeta genuinely seems to enjoy this station, swirling a combination of mud and clay and berry juices around on his pale skin, weaving disguises from vines and leaves.
"Cinna and Portia aren't around, so there's no one to add any sanity to the meals."
'Rue, who when you ask her what she loves the most in the world, replies, of all things, "Music."
"His face and arms are so artfully disguised to be invisible.
"Although for all I know, I am killing you."
"The smell of blood...it was on his breath. What does he do? I think. Drink it? I imagine him sipping it from a teacup. Dipping a cookie into the stuff and pulling it out dripping red."
"My smile, while somewhat insane, is not forced."
"I rank Gamemakers somewhere below maggots in terms of creatures I want in contact with my skin."
"Poor Finnick. Is this the first time in your life you haven't looked pretty?"
"The only thing that distracts me from my current situation is fantasising about killing President Snow. Not very pretty daydreams for a seventeen-year-old girl, I guess, but very satisfying."
'A parachute comes down with a pile of bite-sized square-shaped rolls.'
"I doubt they'll figure out our plan, since we can barely understand it ourselves."
Alone On A Wide Wide Sea
"Death, I discovered that day, is not frightening, because it is utterly still. And it is still because death, when it comes, is always over. There's only terror in it if you fear it, and ever since my first death, Wes' death, I have never feared it. It is simply the end of a story, and if you've loved the story then it is sad. And sometimes, as it was with Wes, it is an agony of sadness. Wes did not look as if he was asleep. He did not look at peace. He was too still for that, and too pale."
"That was why I took my lucky key out of my pocket and clutched it tight, so tight that it hurt me. I wanted to squeeze the luck out of it, to have all of it now because I needed it now more than ever before in my life."
"I began to worry that maybe even my lucky key would not be enough. So I prayed as well. I thought of Ida, then of all she had done for us, the trouble she'd be in if Piggy found out she'd unlocked the door for us. I felt for the little wooden cross I wore around my neck. I touched it, remembering her. And then holding it I prayed for her. But if I'm honest, I think I prayed mostly for myself. Whether it was the key or the cross that did it I shall never know. I've been trying to work that one out ever since. I still am."
"Memory is a great and powerful magician. It plays tricks on you that you simply can't understand, no matter how hard you try to work them out."
"They took me to see him in hospital. It wasn't Marty. It was just his body. I felt nothing then. I tried to feel something; I stayed there with him for hours. But you can't feel emptiness."
"But this is the end of the story, the story of me. What will happen to me soon is the end of everyone's story. Not a happy ending, not a sad ending. Just an ending."
"I was six hours out there in space. I was busy, but I had plenty of time to look around me. That was when I guess I really understood for the first time the immensity of place, and the timelessness of it, the stillness of it."
Doctor Down Under
“Anyway… didn’t we kill… erm… f-“
Catch That Kid
"You understand what happens if we get caught, right? We'll go to jail forever. Like until we're 21."
"Without plants, the cows have nothing to eat. If the cows have nothing to eat, they're gonna die. If the cows die, we have no milk. If we have no milk, then how are we supposed to eat cookies?! See, is that the world you want to live in? A world without cookies...and oxygen?"
(Okay, yes I am obsessed with quotes. Live with it)
Chaser's War On Everything
"Well, I went to one of those two dollar shops the other day. Loved it. Everything's two dollars, how can you possibly resist? I immediately bought this road sign with a platypus on it."
"(In front of an Armani store) Boutique, boutique, boutique bargains! Here today at Giorgio Armani's. Men's suits, ties, leisurewear, from as little as 5000 a piece! Come on in and grab a bargain! That's right shoppers, it's thousand dollar madness!"
"Now, look, for those who came in late, the whole controversy began when Kevin Rudd was given a Mazda ute by his car dealer mates during the last election."
"And can I just say, only in Australia could we have a scandal called 'Utegate'! For God's sake, what's next, 'Uggbootgate'? 'Case-of-VB-gate'? It's very embarrassing, isn't it!?"
"Howard and Rudd don't go anywhere without a blue backdrop behind them."
"Confused? I certainly elephant"
"(Of Chris) Which fat, hairy animal was the camel?"
"Attention shoppers, we have a very special offer today. For the next 5 seconds, everything in store is free. That's right, absolutely no charge at all, everything is free for the next... Actually, sorry, that offer has concluded. Thank you very much for your attention."
"Could all security staff please make their way to ladies wear as I'm about to shoplift in mens and its really hard to do with all of you hanging around."
"(about APEC security) So here I am, Osama Bin Laden, standing 10 metres away from (George) Bush's hotel and what do they do? They arrest the other guy!"
"Developer One: Maybe if we put something to read on the load screen, people wouldn’t notice the load time."
Little Miss Sunshine
"Everyone just...pretend to be normal!"
"Oh, hey Olive. Wow, you're getting big, almost like a real person."
"Do you want to play a game? It's called See Who Can Go the Longest Without Saying Anything."
"This is crazy. I finally meet my childhood hero and he's trying to kill us. What a joke."
"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
"All around terrible things were happening, worse than Doctor Who, worse than even a film."
"A group of little kids had adopted Godzilla." (If you don't think that's a weird sentence, maybe you should reread it)
"You ain't my king. I never voted for you."
Arthur: "I am your king!"
The Book Thief
"Here Is A Small Fact
"The last time I saw her was red. The sky was like soup, boiling and stirring. In some places, it was burned. There were black crumbs, and pepper, streaked across the redness."
"Himmel = Heaven. Whoever named Himmel street certainly had a healthy sense of irony. Not that it was a living hell. It wasn't. But it sure as hell wasn't heaven either."
"The buildings appear to be glued together, mostly small houses and unit blocks that look nervous. THere is murky snow spread out like carpet. There is concrete, empty hatstand trees, and grey air." (awesome imagery)
"A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship."
“He was the crazy one who had painted himself black and defeated the world. She was the book thief without the words. Trust me, though, the words were on their way, and when they arrived, Liesel would hold them in her hands like the clouds, and she would wring them out like rain.”
"The orange flames waved at the crowd as paper and print dissolved inside them. Burning words were torn from their sentences."
"Grimly, she realised that clocks don't make a sound that even remotely resembles ticking, tocking. It was more the sound of an inverted hammer, hacking methodically at the earth. It was the sound of a grave. It only mine was ready now, she thought."
"He was the second snowman to be melting away before her eyes, only this one was different. It was a paradox. The colder he became, the more he melted."
"That was when Rudy stepped in, the eternal stepper-inner. Why couldn't he just mind his own business for a change?"
"The book thief only saw the mechanics of the words - their bodies stranded on the paper, beaten down for her to walk on."
"Now more than ever, 33 Himmel street was a place of silence, and it did not go unnoticed that the Duden Dictionary was completely and utterly mistaken, especially with its related words. Silence was not quiet or calm, and it was not peace."
"A Small Piece of Truth
"There was once a strange, small man. He decided three important details about his life:
"It kills me sometimes, how people die." --Death
"The sky was dripping. Like a tap that a child has tried its hardest to turn off but hadn't quite managed."
"The voice amazed her. It made the endless sky into a ceiling just above his head, and the words bounced back, landing somewhere on the floor of limping Jewish feet."
"She had seen her brother die with one eye open, one still in a dream. She had said goodbye to her mother and imagined her lonely wait for a train back home to oblivion. A woman of wire had laid herself down, her scream travelling down the street till it fell sideways like a rolling coin starved of momentum. A young man was hung by a rope made of Stalingrad snow. She had watched a bomber pilot die in a metal case. She had seen a Jewish man who had twice given her the most beautiful pages of her life, marched to a concentration camp.
"She tore a page from the book and ripped it in half. Then a chapter. Soon there was nothing but scraps of words littered between her legs and all around her. The words. Why did they have to exist? Without them, there wouldn't be any of this. Without words, the Fuhrer (Hitler) was nothing. There would be no limping prisoners, no need for consolation or wordly tricks to make us feel better. What good were the words? She said it audibly now, to the orange-lit room. 'What good are the words?'"
Monty Python's Holy Grail
God: "What are you doing now?"
"Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who."
God: "Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"... "
"What makes you think she's a witch?"
"One day, lad, all this will be yours."
"We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni."
"And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu..."
"You only killed the bride's father, you know."
" ...You must cut down the mightiest tree in the forest... WITH... A HERRING! "
"A year passed: winter changed into spring, spring changed into summer, summer changed back into winter, and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn... until one day..."
Artemis Fowl Series
"Don't worry, chief. It's like riding a unicorn. You never forget."
"This criminal mastermind, the one behind this elaborate scheme..."
"Butler rolled his eyes. Different race, same macho cliches."
"No, Foaly! There isn't something! None of your bright ideas, thank you very much. Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!"
"One iris-cam. What colour? Hmm. Mud brown. That might irritate you. Try not to rub or it could end up in the back of your eye. Then we'd be looking into your head, and there's nothing interesting in there, heaven knows."
"Foaly?" Mulch pointed his wired eyeball at the nearest camera.
"Foaly? You there?"
"If this guy was so clever, why did he put the safe behind a painting? Such a cliche."
"If only his mother could see him now, spraying mud on the Mud people. That was irony, or something like it."
"What's this? A circus?"
"At the risk of sounding cliched, I've been expecting you."
"No self-respecting criminal mastermind would be caught dead even using the word lollipops. He really would have to put together a databases of witty responses for occasions such as this."
"Now came the stalk. Once a scent had been acquired, the predator would attempt a slow silent approach, before the lightning strike. But apparently the troll had not read the predator's handbook, because it didn't bother with the stealth approach, jumping directly to the lightning strike."
"Clear. I'm going in. Foaly, have you got your ears on?"
"So even though his involvement with the goblin uprising during his fourteenth year, was to be traumatic, terrifying and dangerous, it was probably the best thing that could have happened. At least he spent some time outdoors and got to meet some new people. It's a pity most of them were trying to kill him."
"This is a sensitive area. For all you know, I could be suffering from depression."
"There's so much irony here, I could write a poem. The kidnapper looking for help with a kidnapping."
"If this man really is young Fowl's father, they boy will pay up. When you get the money, dump them both in the Kola (Bay). I don't want any survivors to start a vendetta. Call me if there's any trouble."
"The party emerged into the Arctic night looking for all the world like an adult and three children. Albeit three children with inhuman weaponry clacking under every loose fold of cloth."
"They nearly made it. Of course, nearly never won a bucket of squid at gnommish roulette."
"Opal. How nice to see you. How are the folks?"
"We're not giving up, Artemis. We're regrouping. There's a difference. We'll be back. Remember, it's always darkest before the dawn."
"Why don't you fill me in on your plan, Briar? Isn't that what the power-crazed villain usually does?"
"At the risk of sounding cliched, Briar, you'll never get away with this."
"The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed, with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end."
"We're being led by an idiot with a crayon."
"'Now I simply reprogram the cannons to target your friends, return power to the LEP cannons, and take over the world. And nobody can get in here to stop me.' Of course, you should never say something like that, especially when you're an arch-villain. It's just asking for trouble."
"Thanks again to Foaly and his mind-wiping technology.
"Hello there, young man. Would you like to see the children's menu?"
"You are stupid, let's just accept that and move on."
"Holly, it's you."
"A conscience was the last thing he needed right now. Next thing you knew, he'd be selling cookies for the Girl Guides."
"So, Mister Digence, home to visit the family?"
"Maybe the fairy dwarfs were some kind of gang. Although it wasn't much of a gang name. The fairy dwarfs were hardly going to strike terror into the heart of the competition."
"I have no doubt that whatever plan Artemis concocts will feature yours truly. Probably in some ridiculously dangerous capacity."
"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."
"Marlene, send in a pot of coffee, and no low-caffeine junk either. I want the real thing.'
"You're right, of course. I am the mastermind here. Thinking is my responsibility, not yours."
"That's dead, right?"
"But buried alive?! That's like in that horror movie. Y'know, the one with all the horror."
"Sushi? That's raw fish. You ever have that, buddy?"
"In order to do the moment justice, it has to be described in slow motion."
"I love this guy. He's like the brother I never had."
"You look after yourself, little friend. Stay clear of goblins."
"Guarding Opal Koboi was about as exciting as watching toenails grow."
"And you, Foaly. I'm authorising a surveillance upgrade. Whatever you need. I want to hear every call Artemis makes and every letter he sends."
"Mulch was free...as free as you can in a prison sub with three thousand crushing metres of water overhead."
"Hey, convict, what are you doing? Are you sucking in all the air?"
"Do you have a plan?"
"This is a booty box. The term was coined by vegetable smugglers, over eight thousand years ago. A secret compartment that would go unnoticed by Customs officials. OF course these days, with X-ray, infrared and motion-sensitive cameras, a booty box isn't much good. Unless, of course, the box is completely constructed from stealth ore, refrigerated and equipped with internal projectors to fool X-ray and infrared. The only way to detect this booty box is to put your foot in it. So even if the LEP did board my shuttle, they would not find whatever it is I am choosing to smuggle - which in this case is a jar of chocolate truffles. Hardly illegal, but the cooler is full. Chocolate truffles are my passion, you know. All that I was away, truffles were one of two things I craved. The other was revenge."
"It may interest you to know that your chosen human name, Belinda, means 'beautiful snake'. Also rather fitting. Half of it, at any rate."
"There was a message on this disc for me. You left yourself a message too."
"The core probe. Impossible. Can't get through crust. Don't have enough iron."
"To watch one's enemies die in glorious colour and surround-sound was surely one of the greatest assets of technology."
"What does Short have to do to convince you she's a traitor? Send you an e-mail?"
"Will we recognise our visitor among all these people? Are you sure that he is not already here? Watching us?"
"Oh, brilliant. I must write that one down in my witty retorts book."
"Rawley pulled his blade from the bench and winked at No1. This was not a friendly you-and-I-share-a-secret wink, it was a let's-see-what-colour-your-insides-are wink."
"I don't believe any of this for a minute. Or I wouldn't, if we had 'minutes' in Limbo."
"I went from saving the world to geometry in a week."
"No1 trudged onwards past the final warning which, with typical demon subtlety, was in the form of a blood-reddened wolf skull mounted on a stick.
"How much time do I have?"
"Crime wasn't all fun and games. It had minor downsides, like fear, pain and death."
"Their little band of adventurers needed another smart-ass like they needed ten years of bad luck."
"We can this close - this close to being incinerated! I lost count after the first dozen times."
"You've hacked into the audio feed? Just what else can that phone of yours do?"
"Look into your heart, my little genius. What does it tell you to do?"
"It was like a scene from a scary movie, complete with its own soundtrack. Minerva frowned. Real life didn't have a soundtrack."
"It was a strange reunion. There was no hugging, no champagne and no teary-eyed reminiscing. Instead there were bared teeth, drawn swords and threatening behavior."
"I waited for three weeks before I realized that the shuttle was not coming for me. I packed my belongings so that I would be ready. Including my collection of model sea horses, which I fashioned from chewed cardboard. My favourite sea horses, Twinky and Goodboy, were broken in the process. Twinky cries every night over her severed tail, and Goodboy does not look so dashing without his head.
"He remembered a few lines from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.
"Focus, Artemis. One dastardly crime at a time."
It's a complex structure called a Na-Na."
"And yet you are willing to help me for gold."
"How much is stupendous exactly, in bucket terms?"
"Caged Extinctionists. Oh, the irony."
"Artemis paled. Not her. Please not her.
"I am the future queen of this world, at the very least. You may refer to me as Miss Koboi, for the next five minutes. After that you may refer to me as aaaaarrrrgh, hold your throat, die screaming and so on."
"That's wonderful. Opal Koboi. I knew this little trip was missing a psychotic element."
"It would be easier to shoot down the moon.
"And, once I have the lemur, I will be immortal."
Kevin Rudd (Mock)
"The environment is fashionable too, so I've attached a solar panel to Peter Garret."
"I fear for Australian workers. Not just the real ones, but also the ones who pretend to listen to me."
Monty Python - Various Sketches
Bookseller: Er... oh!
Bookseller: Oh, ah, good morning, (starts to bundle him out then stops) Wait. Who sent you?
Arthur: Wait a minute, there's something going on here.
Bookseller: You dirty double-crossing rat.
Brian: All right. Get against the wall Van der Berg ... and you nurse. And the first one to try anything moves to a practice six feet underground ... this is an anti-tank gun ... and it's loaded ...and you've just got five seconds to tell me ... whatever happened to Baby Jane?
Inspector Tiger: This house is surrounded. I'm afraid I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No, I must ask nobody ... no, I must ask everybody to... I must not ask anyone to leave the room. No one must be asked by me to leave the room. No, no one must ask the room to leave. I ... I ... ask the room shall by someone be left. Not. Ask nobody the room somebody leave shall I. Shall I leave the room? Everyone must leave the room... as it is... with them in it. Phew. Understand?
Inspector Tiger: Allow me to introduce myself I'm afraid I must ask that no one leave the room.
Inspector: That's better, now I'm Inspector Tiger and I must ask that nobody leave the room. (he gives thumbs up to the surgeon who is at door) Now someone has committed a murder here, and that murderer is someone in this room. The question is ... who?
Lookout: This house is surrounded. I must ask that no one leave the room. I'm Chief Superintendent Lookout.
Theresamanbehindyer: All right... all right, the house is surrounded and nobody leave the room and all the rest of it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer.
Minister: (rising) Mr Pudey, (he walks about behind the desk in a very silly fashion) the very real problem is one of money. I'm afraid that the Ministry of Silly Walks is no longer getting the kind of support it needs. You see there's Defence, Social Security, Health, Housing, Education, Silly Walks ... they're all supposed to get the same. But last year, the Government spent less on the Ministry of Silly Walks than it did on National Defencel Now we get £348,000,000 a year, which is supposed to be spent on all our available products.
"I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of freezing cold poison, work 29 hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for letting us work there, and when we got home, our Dad would murder us in cold blood, each night, and dance about on our graves singing "Hallelujah." But you try and tell the young people of today that... and they won't believe ya'."
"The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that he eats not only the raspberry-laden foe but also the raspberries."
"Tarquin Fintim-Limbim-Whimbim-Lim Bus Stop-F'Tang-F'Tang-Olé-Biscuit-Barrel."
"And we move to Bristol where they have a special, Very Silly candidate..."
Interviewer: "Good evening. I have with me in the studio tonight one of the country's leading skin specialists, Raymond Luxury Yacht."
Potter Puppet Pals - Wizard Swears
Voldemort: What? You kids! If I ever find out who's calling me I will call the wizard school and you will go to wizard jail and I'll kill you because I'm Voldemort…
Snape: Dumbledore, I urge you to expel these monsters.
Dumbledore: The Elder swear. You must never repeat it to anyone.
"It's just not the most inspiring anthem in the world is it? The words are alright. 'Australian's all let us rejoice for we are young and free.' Cept for that line: 'Our home is girt by sea.' Cause girt means surrounded, like how many people have ever used the word 'girt' in a sentence in your life? Seriously, you've never seen a police siege and four officers outside a house going: 'Come out of the house with your hands in the air. We have you girt.' "
"Listen to your heart. Be true to yourself. And yell "go you big red fire engine" whenever possible."
End of Ze World
"-french accent- Shit guys...we got the missiles, zey are coming! Fire our shit!"
"Meanwhile, Australia is down there like 'wtf mate?' "
"So now the US is like 'Fuck we're dumbasses.' Canada's like 'What's going on, eh?' Australia is still like 'wtf?' Mars is laughing at us, and some huge meteor is like 'Well fuck that."
A break from book/movie/tv/random quotes for some writing quotes =D
"Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow
"The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say." ~Anaïs Nin
"I would hurl words into this darkness and wait for an echo, and if an echo sounded, no matter how faintly, I would send other words to tell, to march, to fight, to create a sense of hunger for life that gnaws in us all." ~Richard Wright
"The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible." ~Vladimir Nabakov
"Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." ~Anton Chekhov
"Metaphors have a way of holding the most truth in the least space." ~Orson Scott Card
"A metaphor is like a simile." ( =D )
"Proofread carefully to see if you any words out."
"A writer is someone who can make a riddle out of an answer." ~Karl Kraus
"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork." ~Peter De Vries
"Do not put statements in the negative form.
"Be obscure clearly." ~E.B. White
"Being an author is like being in charge of your own personal insane asylum." ~Graycie Harmon
"Writer's block is a disease for which there is no cure, only respite." ~Laurie Wordholt
"A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the other one." ~Baltasar Gracián
"Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression. The chasm is never completely bridged. We all have the conviction, perhaps illusory, that we have much more to say than appears on the paper." ~Isaac Bashevis Singer
"Most editors are failed writers - but so are most writers." ~T.S. Eliot
"If I'm trying to sleep, the ideas won't stop. If I'm trying to write, there appears a barren nothingness." ~Carrie Latet
"Writing is utter solitude, the descent into the cold abyss of oneself." ~Franz Kafka
"A story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end... but not necessarily in that order." ~Jean Luc Godard
"The most beautiful things are those that madness prompts and reason writes." ~André Gide
"Imitation is the highest form of pissing me off. Quit stealing my content and violating my copyright." ~Jen T. Verbumessor
"It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous." ~Robert Benchley
"The most essential gift for a good writer is a built-in, shockproof shit detector. This is the writer's radar and all great writers have had it." ~Ernest Hemingway
"Read, read, read. Read everything - trash, classics, good and bad, and see how they do it. Just like a carpenter who works as an apprentice and studies the master. Read! You'll absorb it. Then write. If it is good, you'll find out. If it's not, throw it out the window."
Epitome of Randomness (a penname)
"Now, at this point you must have realised that this is not my best rant. Well, it’s not meant to be funny. It was created to help stop me sitting in a corner crying until August. When the book comes to Australia. We have kangaroos AND lamingtons! We deserve the book first!" (too damn right)
Back To Quotes
"When you're around him, you feel so alive because he's talking about what everyone's thinking, as opposed to what you're supposed to talk about."
"The hippo celebrated its first birthday. Unfortunately, it wasn't allowed any cake because it's on a diet. Instead it got a watermelon with a carrot stuck in it for a candle." (awww)
Real Life - (My Life)
"Did I tell you that my summer hockey team is called Ceebs (as in cbs - can't be stuffed)?"
"DON'T THROW CAKE AT CAKEFACE!!"
"-to a pigeon- DON'T JUMP, PIDGE PIDGE!!"
"No cake facing on board."
"I don't want a sleepover. I don't want you running around like idiots, it's stupid and embarrassing."
Sara: "Janet ( that's me), if someone's choking, the least you can do is--"
Serena: Where are you going?
-squints at clock- "What does the clock say?"
"A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
Real Life Again
“It’s like a Quagga, but not extinct…and not a Quagga.”
Me: What plot?
Me: What is that?
"A strangular fig. Like as in strangle -clutches throat- AHHGHGHGHHAAA -falls of chair-" --Teacher
Me: Milk is grass and water
Katherine: What's my quote?
"I don't think fineliner counts as pen in her crazy world."
"Why don't eyes get cold?"
Me: You having a plan is like...
"Your toes are bulimic."
"ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE." -- A Whiteboard (yes it really said that)
Random: The first week of term you were...like...chilled back.
Random Idiot: So showers give you Tinea?
Aqua: Your hair smells like T-Gel.
Eliza: The sun is like the moon.
-about Chinese characters-
"HELLO PIGEON! ...I SAID HELLO!! ...gah, you're just as bad as the teachers."
Aqua: -about me- she's flaring her nostrils at me!...BACK OFF!...OR I'LL KILL MYSELF, AND THEN I'LL KILL YOU!!
"It was a long time ago."
"What did they think, these lobsters? Suddenly they looked up and...there was their food falling towards them, as if it was raining fish scraps! But of course it couldn't be raining fish scraps, at least not as far as lobsters were concerned, because they lived in water anyway, They wouldn't even know whatrain was, thought Hazel. If you went up to a lobster and said :"Do you like it when it rains?", he'd just look at you as if you were a bit odd, just like you would look at a lobster if he came up to you and said "Do you like it when it...durgles?", because rain to a lobster would mean no more than durgle to you. Hazel smiled to herself. What a ridiculous thought, talking lobsters and what ridiculous words they used! She knew it was a ridiculous thought, which is why she couldn't resist thinking about it more." "Only just now, when I was outside in your shop, and I was watching it durgle in the lobster tank, I suddenly had the most ridiculous thought: what if Mr Volio's Chocolate Dippers started durgling one day? I mean, it would be very nice, of course, but people would start fighting, just like the lobsters. Who could tell when it would durgle again? Perhaps never. I'm sure they'd fight. And that would be ridiculous, wouldn't it? Because it would be such a wonderful thing if it durgled Chocolate Dippers, and yet, instead of appreciating how lucky they were, everyone would start fighting over them. Ridiculous!"
Just to let you know - I have exactly 500 quotes on this profile right now
If you've read all of them you get...a...Pete the Dragon Tail
It's...FANFICTION GOAL TIME
I've been looking for these for ages, I found them thanks to Google and BlackHowling77
anyway...it's gonna take me a long time to complete them
I haven't even been on here a year yet, but it feels like forever (in a good way)
- Get 100 reviews for a story (HAVE COMPLETED NOW. I ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISHED SOMETHING. WOOOOOT!)
- Get over 100+ alerts and favourites in author stats (let me check... -checks- ...err...not even close...you don't need to know how many I have in those)
- Get 500 reviews for a story ( I would KILL someone for that...well I'd kill someone anyway, if I had the chance...)
- Get 800 reviews for a story (I would...um...not go on my hockey tour next year for that!)
- Have at least 5 stories c2-ed ( I have one...and that's a bad one...-cry- so I have like -1)
- Get 1000 reviews for a story ( I would...never go skiing again for that)
- Get an offer to make banners for a story (I could blackmail someone into doing that...does that count at all?)
- Get an offer to make a youtube trailer for a story (or youtube series) (=see above=)
- Complete a co-write (...kind of, I wrote some chapters for LilyRose when she had Writers Block. And that story is completed now. So...yes? ...it's close enough.)
- Have someone say that your story is their favourite FanFic of all time (-frowns in thought- I think someone did, I got put up there with JK and someone else once. That was a happy moment =D )
- Write about a pairing that isn't your specialty (Don't write pairings, so...I'm never completing that one)
- Help another author (YAY! ONE THAT I'VE ACTUALLY DONE! I helped Dramaqueen321 once and me and LilyRose are always helping each other)
- Update on time (AH HA! I've done this too. There was a period of time when I updated every day, but that was in the holidays)
- Love your stories (...Do I love my stories? I don't know. They're like teddy bears...you are obsessed with them and then they fall down the back of the couch and gather dust for years until you find them again and become obsessed with them again)
- Have 2000 reviews for a story (I WOULD BURN MY GOALIE GEAR FOR THIS, and that is saying something...maybe I wouldn't. I don't know. I guess I could get new gear if I had the money...which I don't. =( )
- Have 200+ on all author stats (I wish.)
- Write at least 5 one-shots (HELL YEAH COMPLETED)
- Write a sequel of at least two or three stories (I've written one sequel so far, so...getting there)
- Reply to your reviews (I do if it's relevant, like if I get praise that's so nice I just have to reply, or if they ask a question or if they flame and I reply telling them how much they're wasting their time)
- Keep writing no matter what (I've got this one, easy, if I ever get Writer's Block for more than a month though, someone must give me the cure)
"Here comes the Jealousy bug! It's gonna get ya! It's gonna get ya!"
Scary Movie 4
"Mr President, the country is under attack by aliens."
"This ain't a war, anymore than a war between men and maggots. Or, dragons and wolves. Or, men riding dragons, throwing wolves at maggots. "
"Last night I saw a face."
"We'll build our own tripods. Ours will have four legs. "
The Book of Changing Things and Other Oddibosities
"Nathan. Is that what you said your name was? You didn't say Marmaduke, did you?"
"You can't just stay there you know. Come on. We haven't got all day. No one has."
"What you have to understand about Pogue is that he's exceptionally eager to please, even for a squirrel. Some might say too eager. When he was younger he developed the habit of becoming what anyone wanted him to be. Lots of people do, don't they? Pogue just took it further than most."
"We haven't got all day."
Count: "What an ugly fellow."
"I'm a gecko. Not just a gecko of any sort."
"Tell me, what did you do when you first saw me?"
"They're not sure if tomorrow will come. And if you're not sure if tomorrow will come, then you ought to enjoy yourself today."
"Tomorrow always comes."
"That's got nothing to do with horseradish."
"How do we get back?"
"But how do we get back?"
"Where are you taking me?"
"Come on, Pogue, we haven't got all day!"
"Perhaps Pogue told you?"
"I've never been so insulted in my life!"
"I've refused to listen before, you know. Oh, yes, more than once. Haven't I, Pogue?"
"We're late! Come on, we haven't got all day."
"Didn't I tell you I never wanted to see you again, Marvy? Didn't I tell you that? But I can see you, Marvy."
"What am I supposed to do?"
The Merlin Conspiracy
"Grundo somehow turned the book into a comic book, all pictures and no words. It started at the back and finished at the front, and in the pictures the ball chased Rover and Jack and Jill were bought by the groceries. Only Grundo would think of two people being bought by a huge chunk of cheese."
"It was in a big, gloomy hall full of soberly-dressed people who all thought they were important - apart from the one or two who thought they were God or Shakespeare or something."
"It really hurt my feelings when one of the God-or-Shakespeare ones flourished a pen over the book Dad eagerly spread out for her and said, 'Who?'
"The ferns parted and a smooth black head slid out and stared me in the face with huge yellow eyes. For just one instant I was nose to nose with an enormous black panther.
"Have you ever tried to turn a panic-stricken elephant round in the dark, in a space that is probably too small, which you never saw before anyway?"
"When I grow up I shall take care to have three really peculiar families at least. I want crowds of mad relatives."
"Moth-ther! I can't eat this! I'm electric to cucumber."
"I just had time to think what fools we looked, rushing through the garden in a line behind a goat."
Murder By Death
"I don't get it. First they steal the body and leave the clothes, then they take the clothes and bring the body back. Who would do a thing like that?"
"Locked, from the inside. That can only mean one thing. And I don't know what it is."
"Mr. Diamond, there's a bullet hole in your jacket."
"What do you make of all of this, Wang?"
"Who do you think is the murderer?"
"She murdered herself in her sleep, sir."
Oh, that's probably the cook. Come in!"
You've tricked and fooled your readers for years. You've tortured us all with surprise endings that made no sense. You've introduced characters in the last five pages that were never in the book before. You've withheld clues and information that made it impossible for us to guess who did it. But now, the tables are turned. Millions of angry mystery readers are now getting their revenge. When the world learns I've outsmarted you, they'll be selling your 1.95 books for twelve cents."
What a godforsaken spot to get lost!"
No pinkies? You mean Twain has only got eight fingers?"
"Up there, Dora, look - a blind butler."
"I smell gas!"
"Conversation like television set on honeymoon: unnecessary."
"Room filled with empty people."
"Oh, there, voice come from cow on wall..."
"Very interesting theory, Mr. Charleston. However, leave out one important point."
"-hanging up telephone- Sounded as though somebody snipped the wire."
"I don't hear nothin'. What do you hear?"
"Oh, Yes. As you can see, I can see."
"Tell me, as the only survivor, how did you deduce it was me?"
"Are you nuts, Pop? Someone's tryin' to KILL us!"
"Big house like man married to fat woman: hard to get around."
"Here's the bridge, Pop. Doesn't look safe to me."
"May I get your bags, sir?"
"-driving across rickety bridge- I don't think I'm gonna make it, Pop. It's gonna collapse."
"What meaning of this, Mr. Twain?"
Calm yourself. Man who argue with cow on wall is like train without wheels: very soon get nowhere."
Aha, stumped already. Need some clues, Monsieur Perrier?"
"Everything here has been rented for tonight. The butler, the cook, the food, the dining room chairs, everything!"
"Most amusing. Bickering detectives like making lamb stew: everything goes to pot!"
Answer simple, but question very hard."
Shut up, all of ya's. Nobody move!"
He was very good to me. He would take me to the circus and give me candy. We stopped going when I was about twenty-six. I'm sorry, Sam."
"One moment, where is the soup?"
You have chocolate on your face."
Adelaide: "State your name, rank and intention."
"They said I was gonna die. They said, 'he will knock four times' and I think I know what that means. And it doesn't mean right here, right now. Because I don't hear anyone knocking, do you?" -knocking-
"There are laws. Laws of time. And once upon a time, there were people, in charge of those laws...but they died. They all died. And do you know who that leaves?! ME! It's taken me all these years to realise, that those laws are mine. AND THEY WILL OBEY ME!" -awesomest quote ever-
"Waters always wins."
"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit."
So, we had a sub teacher this morning, and he is the funniest teacher in the whole school, we were all like falling off our chairs and dying from laughing so much, but yeah, I have two new quotes now =D
Student: "My topic is, 'How Hitler dictated.' "
Student: "I wanna be like that guy on - random tv show- "
"I once thought I was alright, but then I realised I was half left."
"You train twice as hard as everyone else, are expected to stop all of the 100+ shots blasted at you in training, get bruised black and blue, then go and be told you’re still not ready skill wise. If you make a mistake it can cost your team the game. When it comes to game time, you’re expected to pull off amazing dramatic saves at the drop of a button. You have to take bull in the form of pointless advice from team mates and comments from the opposition trying to get under your skin. Once you’ve done all that, you have to go back and do it all again." (Sometimes I wonder why I do)
"We're animals. We're violent. We're criminal. We're not so far away from the gorillas and the apes, those beautiful creatures. So, of course. And then, we're supposed to be civilised. We're supposed to go to work every day. We're supposed to be nice to our friends and send Christmas cards to our parents. We're supposed to do all these things which trouble us deeply because it's so against what we naturally would want to do. And if I've done anything, I've had kids express themselves as they are, impolitely, lovingly — they don't mean any harm. They just don't know what the right way is. And as it turns out sometimes the so-called "right way" is utterly the wrong way. What a monstrous confusion."
"Certainly we want to protect our children from new and painful experiences that are beyond their emotional comprehension and that intensify anxiety; and to a point we can prevent premature exposure to such experiences. That is obvious. But what is just as obvious — and what is too often overlooked — is the fact that from their earliest years children live on familiar terms with disrupting emotions, fear and anxiety are an intrinsic part of their everyday lives, they continually cope with frustrations as best they can. And it is through fantasy that children achieve catharsis. It is the best means they have for taming Wild Things."
"I believe there is no part of our lives, our adult as well as child life, when we're not fantasizing, but we prefer to relegate fantasy to children, as though it were some tomfoolery only fit for the immature minds of the young. Children do live in fantasy and reality; they move back and forth very easily in a way we no longer remember how to do."
"Children are tough, though we tend to think of them as fragile. They have to be tough. Childhood is not easy. We sentimentalize children, but they know what's real and what's not. They understand metaphor and symbol. If children are different from us, they are more spontaneous. Grown-up lives have become overlaid with dross."
"We've educated children to think that spontaneity is inappropriate. Children are willing to expose themselves to experiences. We aren't. Grownups always say they protect their children, but they're really protecting themselves. Besides, you can't protect children. They know everything."
"I'm not Hans Christian Anderson. Nobody's gonna make a statue in the park with a lot of scrambling kids climbing up me. I won't have it, okay?"
OBO Keeper's Resources
"I’d be left as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from standing on a nail or something."
"Whatever happens, I’m not going out on the field with an umbrella on my head."
"I miss swearing and getting paid for it."
"I'm hard yet soft, I am coloured yet clear, I am fruity and sweet, I am jelly... what am I?"
"Britain, Britain, Britain. We've had running water for over ten years, we have a tunnel connecting us to Peru, and we invented the cat. "
"Vicky, aren't you going to take your baby?"
Mike Kapalski: "Hey, are you open for afternoon tea?"
"When people in Britain want to buy a pet, they go to a pet shop. If they want to buy a pet shop, they go to a pet shop shop. If they want to buy a pet shop shop, well, they're just being silly. "
"Scotland is a smashing place to take a holiday, and regularly wins the award for best Scottish holiday destination."
"Your form here is incomplete, 'gross income: yes, net income: yes.'"
"So, can you give us some payment today?"
"I'll tell you what, Mr McCooney. Why don't you pick up your quill?"
"Oh just one thing. The three courses for 15 pounds set menu. Is that available on a Sunday?"
"Schools are where tomorrow-adults, or children, are harvested."
"Unlike other countries, Britain has people of two genders. Women and men."
"Take the food that you like, cut it in half, and it's just half the calories! And because it's only half the calories you can have twice as much!"
"We were just saying how much we like the soup. Did you make it?"
"If you have a verruca, and would like to share it with others, then why not pop down to your local swimming pool?"
Cam: "You don't have to look at Felix when you're talking to him if that helps."
Felix: "Hey Jim! Jim! Jim! Jim. Jim. Jim. Jim."
Robbie: "Everyone turn off your mobile phones before we start shooting in case it goes off. We have a rule that whoever's phone goes off, has to buy a keg of beer, but we can't really have that here. What about crack? or cocaine? What is it that you kids are smoking these days?"
Sophie: "You know that guy from that movie?"
Lewis: "You gotta write down the roles." (for the credits in our movie)
"A friend of a friend of ours son once went to a ballet class. The teacher told them to be a bird and he said a vulture."
"I would say this is my lucky cue. But it's not."
"I hate those year 7s. I could hit em all over the heads with mallets."
"Great shakes, it's Word Yahtzee."
"Great minds think alike."
"Can you cook?"
"Will the road take me into Mitherhome?"
"It should have been a cacophony, and in a way it was. Yet there was a beauty there, the odd, hard beauty of wild things that need not be pretty to please nature."
"What do they say, these days, Grover? Do the children say, 'Well, duh!'?"
"Once I got over the fact that my Latin teacher was a horse, we had a nice tour."
"The old ladies were not old ladies any more. Their faces were still the same - I guess those couldn't get any uglier - "
"'Braccas meas vescimini!' I wasn't sure where the Latin came from. I think it meant 'Eat my pants.'"
"'I'm not saying hello to a pink poodle.'
"I'd love to tell you I had some deep revelation on my way down, and I came to terms with my own mortality, laughed in the face of death, etcetera.
"She'd also called me brave...unless she was talking to the catfish."
"I love this country. Best place since Sparta."
"My idea was simple and insane."
"Every August, the counsellors pick the most important event of the summer, and they paint it on that year's beads. I've got Thalia's pine tree, a Greek trireme on fire, a centaur in a prom dress - now that was a weird summer..."
"Why can't you place a blessing like that on us?"
"We want to go to the Underworld."
"Even from far away, I could see people being chased by hellhounds, burned at the stake, forced to run naked through cactus patches or listen to opera music."
"I bet Hades doesn't have trouble with door-to-door salesmen."
"I wanted to ask if Poseidon would come with me to see her, but then I realised that was ridiculous. I imaged loading the God of the Sea into a taxi and taking him to the Upper East Side."
"Yes. Well, as you young people say these days, whatever."
"He came forward with a toasted marshmallow on a stick and tried to pluck it off, real casual-like. But before he could touch it, the marshmallow flew off the stick. Tartalus made a wild grab, but the marshmallow committed suicide, diving into the flames."
"Listen - I know, but...I don't care if he is chained to a rock with vultures pecking at his liver, if he doesn't have a tracking number, we can't locate his package."
"We have to get out of here."
"How could music cause so many lives to veer off course. I mean, sure, there were some Top Forty songs that made me want to take a fiery nosedive."
"My fatal flaw is hubris."
"We only came close to dying six or seven times, which I thought was pretty good."
"A minute later, Annabeth hit a slippery patch of moss and her foot slipped. Fortunately, she found something else to put it against. Unfortunately, that something was my face."
"Who said that?"
"Green grass breaks through snow.
"'Uh, what's up?' I winced at how stupid that sounded. Not much could be 'up' when you're dead and stuck in the attic."
"The Hunters do not need thy help."
"Well, don't look at me. I'm a young god, remember? I don't keep track of all those ancient monsters and dusty Titans. They make for terrible party conversations."
"Oh, scullion? You're calling me a scullion? What the heck is a scullion?"
"Dreams like a podcast,
"There are parties, and then there are huge, major, blowout parties. And then there are Olympian parties. If you ever get a choice, go for the Olympian."
"Juniper. What are you doing here?"
"Chiron had insisted we talk about it in the morning, which was kind of like, Hey, your life's in mortal danger. Sleep tight!"
"Grover, dear. Use your napkin. Don't eat it."
"Well, you see, Nico - can i call you Nico?"
"As a young see demon matures, changes happen in the monster's body. You may notice your fangs getting longer and you many have a sudden desire to devour human beings. These changes are perfectly normal and happen to all young monsters."
"Now usually, being the son of Poseidon and all, I only get wet if I want to, but my powers apparently did not extend to dog saliva, because I got a pretty good bath."
"He glared down at me, as if warning me that I'd better die in a really spectacular way or I'd be in big trouble."
"I also play basketball pretty well for a guy who didn't start until he was two thousand years old."
"You hit the Lord of the Titans in the eye with a blue plastic hairbrush."
"I was thinking that my mom's apartment wouldn't allow dogs, especially dogs bigger than the apartment."
"Hi, I'm Paul Blofis."
“I have a dream - of a day where chickens can cross roads without their motives being questioned.”
Doctor Who - End of Time
"I'm going to die."
"Even if I change it still feels like dying. Everything I am dies. Some new man goes sauntering away... and I'm dead."
"Have you got anyone?"
"I'm sorry. Just leave me."
"I'd be proud."
"I'm alive. I'm still alive." -four knocks-
"Get out of the way."
"Come on, don't start. You were told that he would knock four times, and then you die. Well, that's him, isn't it? The Master, that noise in his head. The Master is going to kill you."
"That's how the Master started. It's not like I'm an innocent. I've taken lives. And I got worse, I got clever. Manipulated people into taking their own. Sometimes I think a Timelord lives too long. I can't. I just can't."
"We must look like insects to you."
"I could do so much more! SO MUCH MORE! But this is what I get. My reward, and it's not FAIR! Oh, lived too long."
"We're Nerdfighters. We fight against suck...we fight for awesome. We fight using our brains, our hearts, our calculators and our trombones."
Russell T Davies
"I've had these last pages ready in my head for months and months. Years, to be honest. It takes as long to write as it does to type. ... So I keep rattling away until... The last words. Trouble is, last words don't really exist. In ten minutes time, I'll change my mind about Scene 25, and go back to write something different. Then I'll get up tomorrow and change all sorts of stuff, before sending it to the office. And then the proper rewrites start. ... Even then, you keep writing; you keep writing; you think of lines people should have said for the rest of your life. Still, what the hell, let's allow a bit of ceremony. The last words.
Maybe I should sit here for hours, deliberating over them. But I know exactly what they are. I type them out. Times like this, typewriters would be better. Typewriters are romantic. A little metal letter should fly. It should hit the paper, whack! Tiny particles of ink should puff and settle. But no, there's just a plastic keyboard. I press the key. The final letter is n. Then a full stop. And that's it. Save. Done. Good."
"I would have thought that when I handed in the last script I might have burst into tears or got drunk or partied with 20 naked men, but when these great moments happen you find that real life just carries on. The emotion goes into the scripts."
A Very Potter Musical
"You know, they don't even have dances at Pigfarts. All of the noise would disturbe Rumbleroar's slumbering cubs."
"I'm off to the drawing studio, so I can paint the stupid looks on your faces."
"And if this home made Dark Mark doesn't convince you..."
"And then I'll be the one whose totally awesome!"
"Bomb-apetite... I mean, bon-apetite!"
"Yes, I know Quirrell, I HEAR EVERYTHING You HEAR!"
"I can't believe the counter curse was 'Unjellify!' "
"Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come. Pigfarts Pigfarts, yum yum yum!"
"Now TWO people are mad at me."
"Voldemort out, bitches!"
"Let's go watch Wizards of Waverly Place."
"It's Hermione! It's just like, I can't get her out of my head. And everytime I look at her I get these pains in my chest and I just know it's her fault. That Bitch!"
"I thought killing people would make people like me, but it doesn't. It just makes them dead."
"Bitch, I ain't Cho Chang."
"What the HELL is a Hufflepuff?"
"It's going to be totally awesome."
"You know who I think the ugliest girl in this school is? That Hermione Granger. You know what I'd give her, on a scale of one to ten? One, one being the ugliest, and ten, pretty? I would give her... an eight. Eight-point-five.. or a nine. But not, NOT about a nine-point-eight. There is always room for improvement. Not everyone can be perfect, like me. That's why I'm holding out for a ten. Because I'm worth it."
"Oh my god I have to fight a goat? I don't know If I can do that morally."
Harry: "Did he just say dragons?!"
"Harry Potter loves Zac Efron more than anyone else on the planet."
"I believe everything has its place, Muggles have their place, Mudbloods have their and so do your dirty clothes! Namely a dresser!"
"The horcrux could be anywhere. We could spend countless boring months throughout the European countryside searching for it."
"Dumbledore? Pfft! What an old coot! He's nothing like Rumbleroar! Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts. He's a lion... who can talk."
"Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly lopsided mouth and quit interrupting, ten points from Gryffindor. Jeez, for someone so smart, you can be really be such a dumbass sometimes. 10 points to Dumbledore."
The Real Harry Potter
"I'd thought we'd seen the worst when we bought two hundred copies of The Invisible Book of Invisibility - cost a fortune, and we never found them..."
"All he did was eat and sleep, Ron, you said it yourself."
"Mr Mooney presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business. Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Mooney, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git. Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that would ever become a Professor. Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball."
"Was she making a real prediction."
"You haven't got a godfather!"
"The idea of being taught consideration by a man who had just blasted away half his living-room wall seemed to be causing him intense suffering."
"That's my wand."
"That's not the song it sand when it sorted us."
"'Wow!' said Dennis, as though nobody in their wildest dreams could hope for more than being thrown into a storm-tossed, fathoms-deep lake, and pushed out of it again by a giant sea-monster."
"I am not joking, Mr Weasley, though now you mention it, I did hear an excellent one over the summer about a troll, a hag and a leprechaun who all go into a bar... -McGonagall clears throat- Er - but maybe this is not the time...no..."
"What - what are you doing?"
"Draco Malfoy, the amazing bouncing ferret."
"Well, now we know what to do next time I can't manage a spell, threaten me with a dragon."
"My own brother, Aberforth, was prosecuted for practising inappropriate charms on a goat. It was all over the papers, but did Aberforth hide? No, he did not! He held his head high and went about his business as usual! Of course, I'm not entirely sure he can read, so that may not have been bravery..."
"Aren't you two ever going to read Hogwarts: A History?"
"What were you doing under our window, boy?"
"Not this brave at night, are you?"
"But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog Cards."
"I doubt Regulus was every important enough to be killed by Voldemort in person."
"It means Dumbledore's found a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher."
"A prefect! That's everyone in the family!"
"Harry, don't go picking a row with Malfoy, don't forget, he's a prefect now, he could make life difficult for you..."
"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher, there was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head."
"I was just wondering, Professor, whether you received my note telling you the date and time of your inspec-"
"Harry thought how absurd it was for Tonks to expect the dummy to hear her talking so quietly through a sheet of glass, with buses rumbling along behind her and all the racket of a street full of shoppers. then he reminded himself that dummies couldn't hear anyway."
"Why are you shaking your head, girl?"
"You will now be escorted back to the Ministry, where you will be formally charged, then sent to Azkaban to await trail!"
"You know, Minister, I disagree with Dumbledore on many counts...but you can't deny he's got style..."
"He had just made Harry fell rather better by telling him how he had told the examiner in detail about the ugly man with a wart on his nose in his crystal ball, only to look up and realise he had been describing his examiner's reflection."
"And from now on, I don't care if my tea-leaves spell, die, Ron, die - I'm just chucking them in the bin where they belong."
"You're dead, Potter."
"I'm going to make you pay fro what you've done to my father..."
"I, who spent many years in Azkaban for him!"
"Judging by your look of stunned disbelief, Harry did not warn you that I was coming. However, let us assume you have invited me warmly into your house."
"I don't mean to be rude-"
"The Dursleys, after quick, scared looks at each other, tried to ignore their glasses completely, a difficult feat, as they were nudging them gently on the sides of their heads."
"You have not asked me, for instance, what is my favourite flavour of jam, to check that I am indeed Professor Dumbledore, and not an imposter."
"I take my hat off to you - or I would, if I were not afraid of showering you with spiders."
"'Harry Potter knows that he can confide in my with complete confidence,' I told them, 'I would rather die than betray his trust."
"Do you remember me telling you we are practising non-verbal spells, Potter?"
"An Unbreakable Vow? Nah, he can't have...are you sure?"
"You shouldn't overexert yourself for a few hours."
"This is Felix Felicis, I suppose? You haven't got another little bottle full of - I don't know -"
"Harry thought privately that what Aragog would have liked most about Slughorn was the ample amount of edible flesh he provided."
"But she said you were just going for a drink, you'd be back..."
"'Good evening, Amycus,' said Dumbledore calmly, as though welcoming the man to a tea party. 'And you've brought Alecto too...charming..."
"Oh, well, lucky we've got such a large supply of Basilisk fangs then. I was wondering what we were going to do with them."
"The sooner this wedding's over, the happy I'll be."
"Oh, it can't be a reference to the fact that Harry's a great Seeker, that's way too obvious. There must be a secret message from Dumbledore hidden in the icing."
"That was dramatic."
"Dumbledore wanted to give me the sword? Maybe he thought it would look nice on my wall."
"There's already a good chance Umbridge has chucked it away; the thing doesn't open."
"We've never been spotted under it-"
"Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but the fact remains he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to."
"Oh, don't mind me...I'll just lie here and crumble..."
"Tell me one last thing. Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?"
An Abundance of Katherines
"Crying adds something: crying is you, plus tears. But the feeling Colin had was some horrible opposite of crying. It was you, minus something."
"Colin thought about the dork mantra: sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. What a dirty lie."
"My name is Pierre. When I go to the metro, I also make fart music."
"To Colin's mind, the rooster crowing at dawn was nothing more than a literary and cinematic trope. When an author wanted a character to be awoken at dawn, Colin figured the author just used the literary tradition of the crowing rooster to make it happen. It was, he thought, just like how authors always wrote things in ways other than how they actually happened. Authors never included the whole story, they just got to the point. Colin thought the truth should matter as much as the point, and he figured that was why he couldn't tell good stories."
"So why do you think Hollis wants to give us jobs, really?"
"Anyway, listen, just drop me off at the store."
"Did you know that in 1887, Nikola Tesla's hair stood on end for an entire week after he passed fifty thousand volts through his body to prove that elec-"
"The odd thing about that is that Nikola Tesla actually did love birds, but not one-legged chickens. Tesla, who did at least as much for electricity as Thomas Edison, had a quasi-romantic fascination with pigeons. He really fell for one particular white pigeon. Of her, he wrote, "I loved that pigeon. I loved her as a man loves a woman."
"This working business is all right, but I need to sit in my boxers and watch Judge Judy. Do you realize I haven't seen Judge Judy, in, like, twelve days?"
"This is a really excellent book you've written, Mr Mailer. But no one here in 1948 is going to buy it, because it contains even more F-bombs than it does Regular Bombs."
"I said dingleberries, kafir. You will respect the goddamned dingleberries."
"Over the next hour, they hardly spoke, because "the feral hog may shy away from the human voice," Mr Lyford said, as if the feral hog did not shy away from other voices, such as those of Martians."
"The footnotes of the novel you just read (unless you haven't finished reading it and are skipping ahead, in which case you should go back and read everything in order and not try and find out what happens, you sneaky little sneakster) promise a math-laden appendix."
"Those of us who frequent the band room have long suspected that Becca maintains her lovely figure by eating nothing by the souls of kittens and the reals of impoverished children."
"What's up, Q?"
"Her silent entrance into the house would have made a ninja jealous."
"Yeah, so if that guy can make it in drunk, surely we can make it in sober, I mean, we're ninjas."
"Ninjas don't splash other ninjas."
"Honestly, first garter snakes and now this fence> This security is sort of insulting to a ninja."
"She's the kind of person who either dies tragically at twenty-seven, like Jimi Hendrix and Janis Joplin, or else grows up to win, like, the first-ever Nobel Prize for Awesome."
"I think Chuck Paron had a textbook strapped to his stomach."
"Ben came out then, his bedhead seeming to challenge our basic understand of the force gravity exerts upon matter."
"This guy sounds like an alcoholic Kermit the Frog with throat cancer."
"Sometimes, he's so retarded that he becomes kind of brilliant."
"Bro, it's dark. You can't go to a strange building with a mysterious address in the dark. Haven't you ever seen a horror movie?"
"Standing before this building, I learn something about fear. I learn that it is not the idle fantasies of someone who maybe wants something important to happen to him, even if the important thing is horrible. it is not the disgust of seeing a dead stranger, and not the breathlessness of hearing a shotgun pumped outside of Becca Arrington's house. This cannot be addressed by breathing exercises. This fear bears no analogy to any fear I knew before. This is the barest of all possible emotions, the feeling that was with us before we existed, before this building existed, before the earth existed. This is the fear that made fish crawl out onto dry land and evolve lungs, the fear that teaches us to run, the fear that makes us bury our dead."
"The last time I was this scared, I actually had to face a Dark Lord in order to make the world safe for wizards."
"Your party kicked so much ass! Even though you suck so much! It's like instead of blood, your heart pumps with liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
"Radar nodded towards the living room, where the tables on either side of the couch held three sets of unnested black Santa nesting dolls. As I renested them, I couldn't help but notice that they were really very beautiful - hand-painted and extraordinarily detailed. I didn't say this to Radar, though, for fear that he would beat me to death with the black Santa lamp in the living room."
"The town was paper, but the memories were not."
"It is so hard to leave - until you leave. And then it is the easiest goddamnd thing in the world."
"I can't eat any of this!"
"Call no man happy until he is dead."
Shadow: "Say 'Nevermore'"
"You're walking on gallows ground, and there's a hempen rope around your neck and a raven-bird on each shoulder, waiting for your eyes, and the gallows tree has deep roots, for it stretches from heaven to hell, and our world is only the branch from which the rope is swinging."
"My name is Town. My colleague here is Mister Road. We're investigating the disappearance of two of our associates."
"Ma'am, it really is to your advantage to cooperate with us."
"Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead." -Ben Franklin
"You are so full of shit it's a wonder your eyes don't turn brown."
"There are stories that are true, in which each individual's tale is unique and tragic, and the worst of the tragedy is that we have heard it before, and we cannot allow ourselves to feel it too deeply. We build a shell around it like an oyster dealing with a painful particle of grit, coating it with smooth pearl layers in order to cope. This is how we walk and talk and function, day in, day out, immune to other's pain and loss. If it were to touch us it would cripple us or make saints of us; but, for the most part, it does not touch us. We cannot allow it to."
"Tonight, as you eat, reflect if you can: there are children starving in the world, starving in numbers larger than the mind can easily hold, up in the big numbers were an error of a million here, a million there, can be forgiven. It may be uncomfortable for you to reflect upon this or it may not, but still, you will eat."
"Women and men, the old and the young of them: there are so many of them, and so many of their stories are tragedies with griefs too deep to be contained, but holding here and there tiny joys, snatched from the darkness like flowers picked by a fallen traveller from the side of a cliff."
"We need individual stories. Without individuals we see only numbers: a thousand dead, a hundred thousand dead, 'casualties may rise to a million'. With individual stories, the statistics become people - but even that is a lie, for the people continue to suffer in numbers that themselves are numbing and meaningless."
"We draw our lines around these moments of pain, and remain upon our islands, and they cannot hurt us. They are covered with a smooth, safe, nacreous layer to let them slip, pearl-like, from our souls without real pain."
"Even Nothing cannot last forever."
"He might have been there, been Nowhere, for ten minutes or for ten thousand years. It made no difference. Time was an idea for which he no longer had any need. He could no longer remember his real name. He felt empty and cleansed, in that place that was not a place. He was without form, and void. He was nothing."
“They all have it. All of them. The trench-haunted look. An appalling weariness behind their eyes. Every single man that has passed through the rest station while I have been here, and there have been literally thousands of them, has exuded an awful aura of…of what? Is it horror? Or fear? Pain or fatigue or shock? It is all of these things. They don’t talk about the trenches specifically; you pick up hints and notions and hear stories and rumours, but none of them talk about it directly. Yet there is enough to form a terrible picture of what they have witnessed, what has been done to them, what they have done to other people. That’s what made me realise what it is about them. They have lost faith. They have lost their faith in what it is to be human. And so the smallest act on our point, not even of kindness, but of mere consideration, makes them so desperately grateful that it makes me want to cry.” –155
I’m just a girl in a nurse’s uniform, but that doesn’t mean I know how to save these men, and them – they are men in uniforms, but that doesn’t mean they know how to die.” -178
“The ground hurtled toward me, but somehow with infinite slowness, so that I had time to gaze at the horrors that unfolded there. All around was carnage, and bloodied bodies. Broken chariots and splintered shields were strewn across the plains as if case there by a god’s hand. Here and there a few men still wearily tried to put an end to each other, but this was a battle that was already dead itself.” -96
“It was then that I saw the raven. It was a huge bird, and at first I could only marvel at its beauty. The blackness of its feathers was perfect; a glistening, oily blackness set off by the charcoal grey of its beak. It fixed an eye on me and puts its head to one side, and only then did I see what it was standing on, what it had been feeding on. I thought I was going to be sick, but I could not look away, and then the bird spoke to me. It spoke with the voice of the dead upon which it was feeding.
"Even the dead tell stories."
"You cannot see the future. You cannot hear what has not yet been said, nor do the days that have yet to be have any place in the huddled collection of memories which fight for your attention."
"Well, you can run away, but your mind comes with you, doesn't it? And all the memories in it come too."
"Hello! I'm the Doctor. Basically...run."
"You're Scottish, fry something!"
"Do you know what this phone is full of? Pictures of you. Every form you've learned to take, right here. Oh, and being uploaded about... now. And the final score is: No TARDIS, No screwdriver, two minutes to spare... WHO DA MAN?! -silence- I'm never saying that again. Fine."
"Ahh! Bacon! -eats bacon and spits it out-
"I know what I need! I need... I need... I need... fish fingers and custard!"
"I'm not scared!"
"Amy Pond, there's something you'd better understand about me cause it's important, and one day your life may depend on it: I am definitely a mad man with a box!"
"You're soaking wet."
"Will that door hold it?"
"You're worse than my aunt."
"That's rubbish. Who's that supposed to be?"
"You wanted to come fourteen years ago, what happened?"
"Am I people? Do I even look like people? Trust me. I'm the Doctor."
"You know when grown-ups tell you everything's going to be fine, and you think they're probably lying to make you feel better?"
"Bow ties are cool."
"All of time and space, everything that ever was or ever will be... where do you want to start?"
"Why did you just do that with that bottle?"
"A lot of bad stuff happened. And I'd love to forget it all. But I don't. Not ever. Because this is what I do. Every time, every day, every second. This: on five, we're bringing down the government."
" Look, three options: One, I let the Star Whale continue, in unendurable agony for hundreds more years; Two, I kill everyone on this ship; Three, I murder a beautiful, innocent creature as painlessly as I can. And then, I... I find a new name, because I won't be The Doctor anymore."
"Nobody talk to me. Nobody HUMAN has anything to say to me today!"
"You are mister grumpy face today."
"River, hug Amy!"
"The eyes are not the windows of the soul, they are the doors. Beware what may enter them."
"That which holds the image of an Angel becomes itself an Angel."
"A needle in a haystack."
"Amy Pond, you are magnificent and I'm sorry."
"Oh, big, big mistake. Really huge. Didn't anyone ever tell you? There's one thing you never put in a trap. If you're smart, if you value your continued existence, if you have any plans about seeing tomorrow, there is one thing you never, ever put in a trap."
"The writing - the graffiti - Old High Gallifreyan... the lost language of The Timelords. There were days, there were many days, these words could burn stars, and raise up empires, and topple gods. "
"OK. I've mapped the probability vectors, done a foldback on the temporal isometry, chartered the ship to its destination and... parked us right alongside!"
"Have you ever run away from something because you were scared or not ready? Or just...just because you could?"
"I kept biting them. They said you weren't real."
"I can run away from anything I want. Time's not the boss of me."
"I have to really want to - to bring them back in front of my eyes. The rest of the time they... they sleep in my mind, and I forget. And so will you. Oh, yes, you will. You'll find there's so much else to think about, to remember. Our lives are different to anybody else's. That's the exciting thing! Because nobody in the universe can do what we're doing. You must get some sleep, and let this poor old man stay awake."
“I always like drawing a pig’s tail. Actually that looks like Clive Peeters – eee, eee, easy.”
“Paaaaasive. Leeaaarrnning. This. Is. So. Boring. Why doesn’t someone just shoot him?”
“What power. Like sticking your finger in an electric socket and seeing what happens.”
“I made all of this up after a really cheap bottle of Chardonnay.”
“You’re always infamous when you’re a Year 8. Because it’s magical. There’s Year 7 and Year 9 and inbetween is the magical year of Year 8.”
“This is a plastic sleeve. I want plastic sleeeeeevies.”
“It’s not quite this colour, it’s more disgusting than that. Ah! Like a cross between this pencilcase and that one.”
“And Mrs Anderson chooses the teachers… so that criteria must be useless because I got in.”
“I mean what a thrill. Having an excursion on the first day. To the Courtyard Café. How dramatic.”
“Wait a minute…so much more better? Who was your English teacher?”
“The waterway that has ropes in it to keep Tasmania from floating away.”
“Bass and Flinders were not straight. –bursts out laughing- …well obviously I don’t actually know about that because I wasn’t there.“
“That was either thunder or we just lost another member of staff.”
“Van Dieman, if you want to know his Christian name, it’s this –writes Anthony Van Dieman on board- if you want to look him up on the myspace. Though his picture probably doesn’t look very nice because he’s been dead for centuries.”
“I can’t remember the source…”
“-takes drink- Hmm, talking of spirits.”
“We’re all friends, no one’s recording this, -whispers- turn the microphones off.”
“We can’t have people jumping out the window in front of Henty House. We have visitors. Off the science building is fine, no one can see them.”
“But some could question that that is a prominent spot. Maybe it should be at the front of Royce Theatre or in the executive toilet or something.”
“It’s very annoying when people say ‘the wether will be very hot tomorrow,’ because it sounds like they have some sort of strange fetish.”
“What have they done apart from being glamorous, blonde and deranged?”
“Miss Breare, please give me an example of something outrageous.”
“I’m absolutely delighted to be at this spaghetti factory.”
“You got the part. Well done. You get to play a watermelon.”
“Can I get you to repeat the question?”
“We’re not going anywhere, not even to Brazil.”
“Clearly this man’s smoking something.”
“And this story has more holes in it than a good quality Swiss cheese.”
“If any of you have a passion for this sort of thing –holds up Constitution- then I can recommend a doctor.”
“A sick little…leprechaun.”
“Something about the guys who wrote the thing Constitution of Australia…they all committed suicide on mass.”
“There is nothing to stop her…apart from death. That could cause a small problem.”
“As my wife says…I’ve still got the bloody frog.”
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
In what distant deeps or skies
And what shoulder, & what art.
What the hammer? what the chain?
When the stars threw down their spears,
Tyger! Tyger! burning bright
The boy stood on the burning deck,
Yet beautiful and bright he stood,
The flames rolled on; he would not go
He called aloud, "Say, Father, say,
"Speak, Father!" once again he cried,
Upon his brow he felt their breath,
And shouted but once more aloud,
They wrapt the ship in splendour wild,
There came a burst of thunder sound;
With shroud and mast and pennon fair,
Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,
And the silken sad uncertain rustling of each purple curtain
Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Back into the chamber turning, all my soul within me burning,
Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
Then this ebony bird beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
But the raven, sitting lonely on the placid bust, spoke only,
Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
But the raven still beguiling all my sad soul into smiling,
This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
Then, methought, the air grew denser, perfumed from an unseen censer
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil! -
`Prophet!' said I, `thing of evil! - prophet still, if bird or devil!
`Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend!' I shrieked upstarting -
And the raven, never flitting, still is sitting, still is sitting
Edgar Allan Poe
"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."
"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. "
"I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."
"If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this thing is to be remembered."
"It is by no means an irrational fancy that, in a future existence, we shall look upon what we think our present existence, as a dream."
"It is the nature of truth in general, as of some ores in particular, to be richest when most superficial."
Will Grayson, Will grayson
"I'm left standing in the doorway as Tiny races down the steps and starts skipping - yeah, skipping - toward the junior parking lot. 'Tiny!' I shout, but he doesn't turn around; he just keeps skipping. I don't start to skip after his crazy ass or anything, but I do kinda smile."
"Mom, your life isn't out there waiting, so don't think all you have to do is find it and get it. No, your life is right here. And, yeah, it sucks. Lives usually do. So if you want things to change, you don't need to get a life. You need to get off your ass."
"That's so incredibly original. Where do you come up with these zingers, Clint? Do you own some sort of joke factory in Indonesia where you've got eight-year-olds working ninety hours a week to deliver you that kind of top-quality witticism. There are boy bands with more original material."
"Willie the Wildkit, says in a speech bubble, 'Wildkits Respect EVERYONE,' which is hilarious on at least fourteen different levels, the fourteenth being that there is no such thing as a wildkit. Willie the Wildkit looks approximately like a mountain lion, though, and while I'm am admittedly not an expert in zoology, I'm reasonably sure that mountain lions do not, in fact, respect everyone."
"This blue shirt I have is practically the same colour as my jeans, and looking all-blue is something only cookie monsters can pull off."
"I sit down on the curb. I close my eyes. And I scream. If my whole world is going to crash down around me, then I am going to make the sound of the crashing. I want to scream until all my bones break."
"Reality is the anvil."
"The things you hope for the most are the things that destroy you in the end."
"I make a gesture that is intended to convey, 'Hey, no hurry, talk as long as you'd like,' and probably actually conveys, 'Hey, look at me! I have spastic hands.'"
"You've reached the voice mail of Tiny Cooper, writer, producer, and star of the new musical Tiny Dancer: The Tiny Cooper Story. I'm sorry, but it appears something more fabulous than your phone call is happening right now. When fabulous levels fall a bit, I'll get back to you."
"God, to go back to when my biggest fear was a hallway."
"When things break, it's not the actual breaking that prevents them from getting back together again. It's because a little piece gets lost - the two remaining ends couldn't fit together even if they wanted to. The whole shape has changed."
"Tiny, what's wrong?"
"Why do you have to fix the salad? Who broke it? I didn't touch it. Did you break the salad, Mom? If you did, YOU'D BETTER FIX IT!"
"The blankness has disappeared now. There's sadness instead."
"The paths that cross in the middle end up separating at the end."
"I hear in the distance a thunderous roar followed by a horrifying set of splashes, and my first thought is, Tiny has written an elephant into the play, and the elephant has just vomited, but then I realise that Tiny is the elephant."
"You're Facebook friends with Tiny?"
Time Machines Repaired, While-U-Wait
"And if it kills us?"
"So, we've got spooks from the future, a dead woman who doesn't exist, some bad guys called "Vores," and...what?"
"You can't see it?"
"You had a dream in which, let's say, some kind of angel appeared to you, and told you your destiny. And you thought, unlike anybody else, who would have said, 'Hmm, too much cheese before bedtime,' you thought, 'Cool! Where do I sign up to be part of this awesome destiny?'"
"Your daughter. Electra. Lovely girl. Tried to kill me a while ago."
"She stopped and looked at him, astonished again, but this time actually disturbed, like he'd struck her with a huge fish."
The Knife of Never Letting Go
"Their Noise washes down the hill like a flood let loose right at me, like a fire, like a monster the size of the sky come to get you cuz there's nowhere to run."
"We survive alone on a whole big empty womanless world that ain't got nothing good to say for itself, in a town of 146 men that dies a little more with every day that passes."
"They didn't say nothing about a girl, they didn't say nothing about why the quiet makes me ache so much I can barely stop from ruddy weeping, like I'm missing something so bad I can't even think straight, like the emptiness ain't in her, it's in me and there ain't nothing that's ever gonna fix it."
"Being this close to her silence is like my heart breaking all over the place. I can feel it, like it's pulling me down into a bottomless pit, like it's calling for me to just fall and fall and fall."
"He squeezes my neck harder and I can feel myself throwing up but there's nowhere for it to go and I can't breathe and all the lights and colours are flowing together and I'm dying and I'm going to die."
"The only place you belong is the place you can never go back. And so yer always alone, forever and always."
"No one's happy till everyone's miserable."
"There ain't nothing good that don't got real bad waiting to follow it."
"Maybe our story will turn out differently if we take the left form, maybe the bad things that are waiting to happen to us won't happen, maybe there's happiness at the end of the left fork and warm places with the people who love us and no Noise but no silence neither and there's plenty of food and no one dies and no one dies and no one never never dies."
"If they can snuff out the part of you that's good, the part of you that won't kill, then they win, don't you see? If they can do it to you, they can do it to anyone. And they win. They win."
"I start to shake. I start to shake so bad I can't stand up. I find I'm saying 'No' over and over again and the fear in his Noise keeps echoing around mine and there's nowhere to run from it, it's just there and there and there and I'm shaking so bad I can't even stay on my hands and knees and I fall into the mud and I can still see the blood everywhere and the rain's not washing it off. I squeeze my eyes shut tight. And there's only blackness. Only blackness and nothing."
"I start to weep but the pain from the grip of the weep is so bad that for a minute I feel paralysed and a living fire burns thru my arms and back and there's nothing to do but suffer it till it goes."
"I look at the knife again, sitting there on the moss like a thing without properties, a thing made of metal as separate from a boy as can be, a thing which casts all blame from itself to the boy who uses it."
"I stand, world spinning and shining, my body barely my own, my lungs coughing up bits of themselves, my head thumping, my legs shaking, my blood boiling, but I stand. I ruddy well stand."
"The knife is alive. As long as I hold it, as long as I use it, the knife lives, lives in order to take life, but it has to be commanded, it has to have me to tell it to kill, and it wants to, it wants to plunge and thrust and cut and stag and gouge, but I have to want it to as well, my will has to join with its will. I'm the one who allows it and I'm the one responsible. But the knife wanting it makes it easier."
"A drop of sweat from my forehead splashes on the blade and the knife is just a knife again, just a tool, just a piece of metal in my hand. Just a knife."
"And Aaron wrenches his arms and there's a CRACK and a scream and a cut-off yelp that tears my heart in two forever and forever. And the pain is too much it's too much it's too much and my hands are on my head and I'm rearing back and my mouth is opening in a never-ending wordless wail of all the blackness that inside me. And I fall back into it."
"I feel empty. All over empty."
"His absence is so big it's like he's there and all the air goes outta my lungs and I have to wait and breathe deep and swallow."
"We don't look back. We don't look back. We run and the sounds fade. We keep running."
"Midnight comes and we run thru that, too."
"Life equals running and when we stop running maybe that's how we'll know life is finally finished."
"Life ain't fair. It ain't, Not never. It's pointless and stupid and there's only suffering and pain and people who want to hurt you. You can't love nothing or no one cuz it'll all be taken away or ruined and you'll be left alone and constantly having to fight, constantly having to run just to stay alive."
"Do you believe there's hope at the end?"
"The sky is so big and blue and the trees so green and this is a world where the animals talk to you, really talk, and you can even talk back and there's so much wonder to be had, so much just waiting for you, Todd, that i almost can't stand that it's not happening for you right now, that yer going to have to wait to see all that's possible, all the things you might do."
"Yer calling for me, son, and I will answer."
"And it hurts her, but it's an okay hurt, but it hurts still, but it's good, but it hurts."
"The roar becomes thunderous, filling up the world with itself, almost like a physical thing, but not in a bad way. Like it's washing you, like it's washing the Noise away."
"But we run.
"I think how hope may be the thing that pulls you forward, may be the thing that keeps you going, but that it's dangerous, too, that it's painful and risky, that it's making a dare to the world and when has the world ever let us win a dare?"
"And my noise rising with the knowledge that we're finished, that there's no way out this time, that if the world wants you, it's gonna keep on coming till it gets you. And who am I that I can fix it? Who am I that can change this if the world wants it so badly? Who am I to stop the end of the world if it keeps on coming?"
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