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Joined 12-25-08, id: 1780644, Profile Updated: 12-16-18
Author has written 16 stories for Harry Potter.

UGGH… I thought FFN profile editor allowed bulleted lists… I am sure my previous profile had them, but they’re gone. What the f kind of control freakery is this?

Personal details: you only need to know I’m old. Like, well beyond 50. And male. And a geek. I think that should cover it.

2018-12-16 - random comment on ffn for this update: I like authors who add “don’t like, don’t read” to the summary. It is almost certain to be something moronic, juvenile, illiterate, immature, or some combination thereof, so it’s safe to plonk even the author, not just the story.

My writing: I feel honored to get largely positive reviews from so many people for my fics so far. However, there are some limitations I have that I’d like to talk about here, because they will apply to all my fics.

Until I retire, I won’t be attempting another long fic. NEFC took a lot out of me, even with a 3-week update schedule.

Since most of the writings will be one-shot or similar, they will appear rushed and jerky compared to a longer fic. This is exacerbated by the fact that I seem to be unable to resist carrying these short fics all the way to LV’s annihilation; I need to learn to resist that and - occasionally - be willing to stop in between. That’s on me to change, which may or may not happen. We’ll see!

On the same lines, not all loose ends will be tied up. We can assume whatever resolution makes us comfortable for such loose ends (example: what did Amelia do with Malfoy in “Percy helps…”? Let’s assume eventually he “turned up” and was tried for his crimes, but not until it was certain that LV and most of his cronies were gone, in order to limit the damage he could do).

Romance… (sigh!) I am terrible at writing anything but very subtle hints at romance, as well as at writing “Death-Eater-free” life. I will try, some day, because I do enjoy reading HHr romance - especially the kind that involves Hermione’s parents and the muggle world! But until then, a little teasing, a little flirting, and hugs, is all that will happen “on-screen”.

Thanks for understanding!

TOP WISH FOR FFN: I wish story metadata would include the author’s age at the time of writing the story (rounded to nearest 5 is OK). I have nothing against young people writing to their capacity, but I would like a more up-front indicator that I can use to avoid those stories.

A BIG thank you to JKR for making such a dog’s dinner of the last few books, and especially that epilogue; I am convinced that the huge number of HP fanfics is mostly due to people’s need to wash the taste out of their mouth by writing something different.

My interest in HP fanfiction is defined by the following ideas:

JKR: see above

I love Hermione. Authors who make her out to be an authority loving person are forgetting that she set fire to a teacher’s robes. In first year! One of these days she’ll come to life and get you numbskulls for your blasphemic portrayal of her.

Pairings: Harmony all the way. I’m ok with a few others (Luna, Tonks, Fleur, even Daphne) if the rest of the plot supports it. But Ginny? Never! (Same with Hermione/Ron – uggh!)

Other characters I like: top of the list: Dobby, Sirius, Hedwig. Also Shack, Amelia, the Flamels, and many more.

Characters I hate: Dumbledore, Snape, Malfoys, … I hate Dumbledore with the heat of a thousand suns, much much more than Riddle or any of his minions. Snape is next, then Fudge, the Malfoys, Umbridge, and Skeeter.

See the pattern? It’s people who have power, are known to abuse it, yet still enjoy some social or legal standing!

Types of fics I like:

clever plots, like ApAidan’s stuff for shorts, and Robst’s for longer fics. (If I had a philosopher’s stone I’d give it to Robst – may he live forever to give us more and more awesome fics!)

super!Harry, or super!Hermione

time travelling Hermione helping Harry

time travelling Harry (i.e., redos). I especially like stories that are responding to the classic Reptilia28 challenge.

smart/cunning Harry getting one over on Dumbles and the rest of the people I hate. Funny ways to do it are good. Poetic justice is also good!

(semi-fluff/short) Harry helps Hermione put one over on her nasty relatives or her pre-Hogwarts “friends” who think she’s useless, ugly, etc.

Authors I like: I like a lot of authors, but the following are special:

Robst – awesome plots with interesting twists, always explores new territory, nothing cliched or hackneyed about his plot details, always Harmony.

ApAidan – writes some of the most intelligent and cerebral fics. Always Harmony, generally hates Ron (yaay!), and Luna has good roles. Usually short fics, but well worth every electron!

Chem Prof – same class as Robst; perhaps a bit more sedate in pace, a bit more naughty (but it’s Harmonaughty (did I invent a new word?) so that’s OK!)

(Speaking of Harmony authors, sadly at least two of them have passed away recently… is it possible that older, more mature, people are more likely to be Harmonians?)

Things I hate in fics:

Making Snape out to be a good guy, unless it goes AU before 3rd year, when Snape was pissed as hell that Sirius escaped being kissed. If you left that in your plot’ timeline, and still want to make Snape a good guy, you’re a moron. Ditto Malfoys, Crouch Jr, Lestranges, etc.; must go AU well before 1991 to be credible.

Bad English: spelling, grammar, etc. The more trivial the mistake, the more I hate it. See longer list below.

Immature, childish plots.

Overlong A/Ns, A/Ns begging for reviews, A/Ns answering reviews (sometimes more than half the chapter!)

Repeating the end of the previous chapter at the start of the next one. (A 2-3 line summary is different, but some people repeat half-a-page or more, verbatim!)

On-screen slash, or slash involving Harry. I also see a huge correlation between slash, and immature/slap-dash writing with either very little plot or a totally outrageous plot involving large doses of deus ex machina.

And there’s a special place in hell for HP/LV or HP/TR slashers. May you suffer the pain of a thousand crucios. In each… how do I put this delicately? aah yes… in each “aperture”. Once a minute. For eternity! (Oh and this also applies to the morons who write fics featuring the unheard-of, unmitigated-bullshit called MPREG!)

Top Signs of illiteracy: When I see the following errors consistently in a fic, I stop reading.

another thing coming (another think coming)

Daily Profit (Daily Prophet)

defiantly (definitely) – this one is all over the bloody place I swear; it’s like an f-ing infection because I’ve seen some otherwise good authors succumb to it. No idea why it is so special!

makes since (makes sense)

manor (manner) and vice versa

once and a while (once in a while)

regiment of potions (regimen of potions). This one is a classic; I picture a thousand or more potion bottles marching down the street!

should of (should have)

statue of secrecy (statute of secrecy)

they’re/there/their; sadly, these are all too common

to all intensive purposes (to all intents and purposes)

viscously (viciously). But I must say that reading “Neville spat viscously” in some fic made me laugh. For a millisecond.

waived (waved), or vice versa

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Annihilating Albus reviews
One responsible adult realises the inevitable (much earlier than he would have under a different author!) and decides to do something about it. (Dec 2022: finally completed!)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 25,504 - Reviews: 193 - Favs: 1,062 - Follows: 812 - Updated: 12/2/2022 - Published: 12/16/2018 - Harry P., Hermione G., Sirius B. - Complete
Helping Endangered Species reviews
**Summary**: Someone plays a prank *on top of* Moody turning Draco into a ferret, which has unforeseen consequences.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,537 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 255 - Follows: 93 - Published: 2/28/2021 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Clarke's Law reviews
No summary, except a sheepish, "Sorry, couldn't resist!" Oh, and also, "Sorry it's so short!"
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,685 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 373 - Follows: 135 - Published: 7/3/2019 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
Saving Sirius reviews
One responsible adult remembers in time that he has not taken his potion... (Rated M for language and viciousness.)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,438 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 266 - Follows: 88 - Published: 5/4/2018 - Complete
The Forbidden Spell reviews
Quite by chance, Harry finds a spell that is supposed to do his homework, but of course he can't tell anyone, not even his best friend. But is that all this spell does? Rated M for language and DE viciousness.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,753 - Reviews: 110 - Favs: 951 - Follows: 291 - Published: 4/7/2018 - Complete
Definitely not a wallflower reviews
One responsible adult finds his sister's possession of a diary that writes back, to be odd. With the help of his mentor (an elderly American wizard called Henry Walton, who was only 17 years younger than Dumbledore), he unravels enough of the mystery to get his employers interested. (Rated M for... well you'll see)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,636 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 290 - Follows: 82 - Published: 3/19/2018 - Bill W. - Complete
Liquidating Lucius reviews
One responsible - and ruthless - adult does not like mysteries in his own field of expertise, specifically the one left unsolved at the end of a near-fatal Quidditch match. And when he eventually finds the answer, it makes him even more angry, and he brings in an even more ruthless - and greedy - group in on the game.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,912 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 315 - Follows: 116 - Published: 2/19/2018
Conning Cornelius reviews
One responsible adult does not like what is happening after Harry's 4th year. Though still on the run from the law, he figures out a way to help Harry, and more.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,083 - Reviews: 63 - Favs: 475 - Follows: 152 - Published: 1/25/2018 - Sirius B., C. Fudge - Complete
Questioning Quirinus reviews
One responsible adult does not like Dumbledore's glib explanation for how a troll got in. She lets it go, but reacts when the next incident happens.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,166 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 504 - Follows: 149 - Published: 12/20/2017 - Harry P., Hermione G., Minerva M. - Complete
THAT's not a knife THIS is a knife! reviews
Any summary I can write would give it away. Heck this isn't even about knives, so even the title is misleading :-)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,181 - Reviews: 56 - Favs: 278 - Follows: 96 - Published: 11/24/2017 - Complete
There's more than one binding in that contract reviews
The binding contracts between the goblet and each champion are not the only ones in play.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,127 - Reviews: 95 - Favs: 811 - Follows: 277 - Published: 11/14/2017 - Hermione G., Sirius B., Dobby - Complete
Percy helps reviews
Hermione tricks Percy into exposing Umbridge's blood quill detentions. The fallout from that takes some interesting turns.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,588 - Reviews: 108 - Favs: 1,180 - Follows: 355 - Published: 11/2/2017 - Harry P., Hermione G., Sirius B., Dolores U. - Complete
Not even a first chance! reviews
(alt title: Disproportionate response). Give the death-eaters a second chance? No way, not even a *first* chance! This is a "redo" fic with a twist. The pairing will eventually be Harmony but a good part of the story happens when they are too young so hard-core Harmonians need to be patient. Rated M for possible violence in later chapters.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 53 - Words: 186,994 - Reviews: 1305 - Favs: 2,624 - Follows: 2,166 - Updated: 10/31/2017 - Published: 2/11/2016 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] Dobby - Complete
The Desk of Requirement reviews
This fic was "inspired" by reading a completely pointless fic where Remus and Sirius read the epilogue, and basically just smile and grin to themselves, happy that Harry is alive and well and all that. They don't actually **do** anything. As I said, pointless. So I decided to xkcd 386 that one-shot ;-)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,898 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 523 - Follows: 171 - Published: 7/18/2017 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] Sirius B. - Complete
Eyes can speak too! reviews
Eyes can speak too... especially when their owner suddenly realises he will die in a few seconds!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,971 - Reviews: 39 - Favs: 224 - Follows: 59 - Published: 5/13/2017 - Harry P., Vernon D. - Complete
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty reviews
My "Harmonious" take on the classic James Thurber short story. Contains multiple pop culture references but also reflects my age (well past 50) I suppose.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,218 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 5 - Published: 8/1/2015