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Joined 12-25-08, id: 1780644, Profile Updated: 09-17-17
Author has written 4 stories for Harry Potter.

Personal details: you only need to know I'm old. Like, well beyond 50. And male. And a geek. I think that should cover it.


Some story I thought was interesting, said "sequel is on AO3". Never having looked at AO3, I went there to generally check out the site. From the homepage, I clicked "Books..." then "Harry Potter...".

Boy what a stinking cess pool! Of the first dozen or so stories that I skimmed the summaries of, almost all of them - according to the tags displayed above the summary - were based on sex. Heck, most of them had very specific sex acts as tags.

Uggh... I never knew *that* was the reason for its popularity. It seems like it would be all but impossible to find clean stories where the bloody PLOT is what draws you in, rather than the sex.

(I'm not against written porn -- but I wish people would leave that to sites like "liter ot ica" (remove spaces, add dot com), or at least have them in their own category, instead of polluting specific worlds like the HP world or other fic-worlds!)

TOP WISH FOR FFN: I wish story metadata would include the author's age at the time of writing the story (rounded to nearest 5 is OK). I have nothing against young people writing to their capacity, but I would like a more up-front indicator that I can use to avoid those stories.

A BIG thank you to JKR for making such a dog's dinner of the last few books, and especially that epilogue; I am convinced that the huge number of HP fanfics is mostly due to people's need to wash the taste out of their mouth by writing something different.

My interest in HP fanfiction is defined by the following ideas:

First: JKR: see above

Second: I love Hermione. Authors who make her out to be an authority loving person are forgetting that she set fire to a teacher's robes. In first year! One of these days she'll come to life and get you numbskulls for your blasphemic portrayal of her.

She may not always have a "front and centre" role in my stories, but she will be important. Sometimes very subtly so (see "Desk of Requirement" for example).

Pairings: Harmony all the way. I'm ok with a few others (Luna, Tonks, Fleur, even Daphne) if the rest of the plot supports it. But Ginny? Never! (Same with Hermione/Ron -- uggh!)

Other characters I like: top of the list: Dobby, Sirius, Hedwig. Also Shack, Amelia, the Flamels, and many more.

Characters I hate: Dumbledore, Snape, Malfoys, ... I hate Dumbledore with the heat of a thousand suns, much much more than Riddle or any of his minions. Snape is next, then Fudge, the Malfoys, Umbridge, and Skeeter.

See the pattern? It's people who have power, are known to abuse it, yet still enjoy some social or legal standing!

Types of fics I like:

...clever plots, like ApAidan's stuff for shorts, and Robst's for longer fics. (If I had a philosopher's stone I'd give it to Robst -- may he live forever to give us more and more awesome fics!)

...super!Harry, or super!Hermione

...time travelling Hermione helping Harry

...time travelling Harry (i.e., redos). I especially like stories that are responding to the classic Reptilia28 challenge. Harry getting one over on Dumbles and the rest of the people I hate. Funny ways to do it are good. Poetic justice is also good!

...(semi-fluff/short) Harry helps Hermione put one over on her nasty relatives or her pre-Hogwarts "friends" who think she's useless, ugly, etc.

Authors I like: I like a lot of authors, but the following are special:

...Robst -- awesome plots with interesting twists, always explores new territory, nothing cliched or hackneyed about his plot details, always Harmony.

...ApAidan -- writes some of the most intelligent and cerebral fics. Always Harmony, generally hates Ron (yaay!), and Luna has good roles. Usually short fics, but well worth every electron!

...Chem Prof -- same class as Robst; perhaps a bit more sedate in pace, a bit more naughty (but it's Harmonaughty (did I invent a new word?) so that's OK!)

(Speaking of Harmony authors, sadly at least two of them have passed away recently... is it possible that older, more mature, people are more likely to be Harmonians?)

Things I hate in fics:

...making Snape out to be a good guy, unless it goes AU before 3rd year, when Snape was pissed as hell that Sirius escaped being kissed. If you left that in your plot' timeline, and still want to make Snape a good guy, you're a moron. Ditto Malfoys, Crouch Jr, Lestranges, etc.; must go AU well before 1991 to be credible.

...bad English: spelling, grammar, etc. The more trivial the mistake, the more I hate it. See longer list below.

...immature, childish plots.

...overlong A/Ns, A/Ns begging for reviews, A/Ns answering reviews (sometimes more than half the chapter!)

...repeating the end of the previous chapter at the start of the next one. (A 2-3 line summary is different, but some people repeat half-a-page or more, verbatim!)

...on-screen slash, or slash involving Harry. I also see a huge correlation between slash, and immature/slap-dash writing with either very little plot or a totally outrageous plot involving large doses of deus ex machina.

...and there's a special place in hell for HP/LV or HP/TR slashers. May you suffer the pain of a thousand crucios. In each... how do I put this delicately? aah yes... in each "aperture". Once a minute. For eternity! (Oh and this also applies to the morons who write fics featuring the unheard-of, unmitigated-bullshit called MPREG!)

Top Signs of illiteracy: When I see the following errors consistently in a fic, I stop reading.

...another thing coming (another think coming)

...Daily Profit (Daily Prophet)

...defiantly (definitely) -- this one is all over the bloody place I swear; it's like an f-ing infection because I've seen some otherwise good authors succumb to it. No idea why it is so special!

...makes since (makes sense)

...manor (manner) and vice versa

...once and a while (once in a while)

...regiment of potions (regimen of potions). This one is a classic; I picture a thousand or more potion bottles marching down the street!

...should of (should have)

...statue of secrecy (statute of secrecy)

...they're/there/their; sadly, these are all too common all intensive purposes (to all intents and purposes)

...viscously (viciously). But I must say that reading "Neville spat viscously" in some fic made me laugh. For a millisecond.

...waived (waved), or vice versa

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Not even a first chance! reviews
(alt title: Disproportionate response). Give the death-eaters a second chance? No way, not even a *first* chance! This is a "redo" fic with a twist. The pairing will eventually be Harmony but a good part of the story happens when they are too young so hard-core Harmonians need to be patient. Rated M for possible violence in later chapters.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 50 - Words: 172,974 - Reviews: 557 - Favs: 858 - Follows: 1,457 - Updated: 9/9 - Published: 2/11/2016 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] Dobby
The Desk of Requirement reviews
This fic was "inspired" by reading a completely pointless fic where Remus and Sirius read the epilogue, and basically just smile and grin to themselves, happy that Harry is alive and well and all that. They don't actually **do** anything. As I said, pointless. So I decided to xkcd 386 that one-shot ;-)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,898 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 27 - Published: 7/18 - [Harry P., Hermione G.] Sirius B. - Complete
Eyes can speak too! reviews
Eyes can speak too... especially when their owner suddenly realises he will die in a few seconds!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,971 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 4 - Published: 5/13 - Harry P., Vernon D. - Complete
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty reviews
My "Harmonious" take on the classic James Thurber short story. Contains multiple pop culture references but also reflects my age (well past 50) I suppose.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,218 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/1/2015