Author has written 6 stories for Maximum Ride, Naruto, and Kuroshitsuji.
UPDATED Jan. 21, 2015
2013 me was worse than 2011 me. Deleted that bio, updated because I don't go on here, like, ever, but I don't want strangers on the internet getting the wrong impression of me.
So, the run-down. I'm Rowan. 17 years old. Soon-to-be high school graduate, soon-to-be a student at Memorial University of Newfoundland (got my acceptance back in November!!!). I like hockey and hockey bros. Like, a lot. If you show me a picture of Max Domi, I will make ugly noises and cry. (Also applies to Curtis Lazar [who I met!!!!] and Shea Weber [he wouldn't have to even ask me to call him Daddy. I just would.])
I'm Canadian. My favourite band is probably Myka, Relocate (also met them!!!!). Hockey is my main fandom (yes I ship I'm sorry but goddamn if Geno Malkin and Sid Crosby wouldn't be hot. I don't know if I want Shea Weber to fuck me or Roman Josi. Who knows?) I'm a huge sports fan in general, but I watch a lot of movies, too. I'm also in the process of re-watching Kuroshituji for the first time since 2011.
I work at a large chain of independently owned retailers that is famously Canadian, and I used to work at Tim Hortons. This is me.
I bolded the ones that I relate to. as of Jan. 21, 2015
I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.
I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.
I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.
I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz
I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.
I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.
I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.
I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.
I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.
I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.
I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.
I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.
I'm a CHRISTAN, so I MUST think gay people should go to hell.
I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.
I'm ATHEIST so I MUST hate the world.
I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.
I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.
I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.
I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.
I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.
I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.
I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.
I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore.
I'm a DANCER, So I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I wear SKIRTS a lot, so I MUST be a slut.
I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.
I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.
I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.
I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.
I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.
I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.
I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.
I'm ITALIAN, so I must have a "big one".
I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!
I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.
I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.
I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.
I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS so I MUST be looking for attention.
I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all.
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be a player.
I have Big BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.
I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.
I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.
I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and thats how Russians roll.
I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.
I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.
I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.
I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.
I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.
I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.
I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.
I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.
Im a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.
Im a VIRGIN so I MUST be prude.
Im STRAIGHT EDGE so I must be violent.
I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.
I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.
I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.
I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.
I'm a SKATER so I must do weed and steal stuff
I'm a PUNK so I must only wear black and date only other punks
I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7
I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals.
I'm MIXED so I must be screwed up.
I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.
I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.
I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA
I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect
I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black
I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.
I'm HISPANIC, so I MUST be dirty.
I'm NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, so I MUST be a loser.
I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.
I'm PREPPY, so I MUST shun those who don't wear Abercrombie & Hollister.
I'm on a DANCE team, so I must be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I'm MEXICAN, so I MUST have hopped the border.
I GOT A CAR FOR MY BIRTHDAY, so I MUST be a spoiled brat.
I'm BLACK, so I MUST love watermelon
I'm BI, so I MUST think every person I see is hot.
I'm an ASIAN GUY, so I MUST have a small penis.
I'm a GUY CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be gay.
I'm a PREP, so I MUST be rich.
I don't like the SUN so I MUST be an albino.
I have a lot of FRIENDS, so I MUST love to drink and party.
I wear tight PANTS and I'm a guy, so I MUST be emo.
I couldn't hurt a FLY, So I MUST be a pussy.
I support GAY RIGHTS, so I MUST fit in with everyone.
I hang out with teenage drinkers and smokers, so I MUST smoke and drink too.
I have ARTISTIC TALENT, so I MUST think little of those who don't.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I tell people OFF, so I MUST be an over controlling bitch.
My hair gets GREASY a lot, so I MUST have no hygiene skills.
I'm DEFENSIVE, so I MUST be over controlling and a bitch.
I'm a NUDIST, so I MUST want everyone to see my boobs.
I read Comics, so I MUST be a loser.
I hang out with a FORMER PROSTITUTE so I MUST be a whore myself.
I'm TEXAN so I MUST ride a horse
I’m a CROSSDRESSER, so I must be homosexual.
I draw ANIME so I MUST be a freak.
I am a FANGIRL so I MUST be a crazy, obsessed stalker.
I WATCH PORN so I MUST be perverted.
I'm an ONLY CHILD so I MUST be spoiled.
I'm INTELLIGENT so I MUST be weak
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I'm WELSH so I MUST love sheep
I'm SCOTTISH so I MUST have ginger hair and wear skirts (It's actually called a kilt)
I’m a YOUNG WRITER, so I MUST be emo.
I’m CANADIAN, so I MUST talk with a funny accent.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST ditch my pregnant girlfriend.
I'm CANADIAN, so I MUST love hockey and beavers. (i do love these things lol)
I'm DISABLED, so I MUST be on Welfare.
I'm a FEMINIST, so I MUST have a problem with sexuality and I want to castrate every man on the earth.
I'm a TEENAGER, so I MUST have a STEREOTYPE.
I WEAR A BIG SUNHAT when I go outside, so I MUST be stupid.
I like BLOOD, so I must be a VAMPIRE.
I'm an ALBINO, so I MUST be an evil person with mental abilities and is A MURDERER!
I'm ENGLISH, so I MUST speak with either a cockney or a posh accent, love tea and cricket, and have bad teeth.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet: past, present, and future.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE
I’m not the most POPULAR person in school, so I MUST be a loser
I care about the ENVIRONMENT...I MUST be a tree hugging hippy
I have a FAN CHARACTER, so I MUST be an annoying Mary-sue.
I CHAT, I MUST be having cyber sex.
I'm PAGAN so I MUST sacrifice babies and drink the blood of virgins
I'm PAGAN so I MUST worship Satan
I'm CONSERVATIVE, so I MUST be against Abortion
I'm SWEDISH so I MUST be a tall blond blue-eyed lesbian.
I'm a LESBIAN so I MUST want to get with every single girl that I see.
I like CARTOONS, so I MUST be IRRESPONSIBLE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I have my OWN spiritual ideology; therefore I MUST be WRONG or MISGUIDED.
I am WICCAN, so I MUST be a SATANIST.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.
I am a WITCH, so I MUST be and OLD HAG and fly on a broomstick.
I love YAOI, so I MUST be GAY.
I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED
I DON'T CURSE, so I MUST be an outcast
I like GAMES, ANIME and COMICS, so I MUST be childish
I'm SWEDISH, therefore I MUST be WHITE.
I SPOT GRAMMATICAL ERRORS, so I MUST be a pedantic bastard.
I'm GOTHIC, so I MUST be mean.
I’m STRONG so I MUST be stupid.
I'm Australian so I MUST hunt crocodiles and talk to kangaroo’s
I go to RENFAIRES, so I MUST talk weird, be a loser, and not be up with the times
I’m GAY so I’m after EVERY straight guy around.
I don’t want a BOYFRIEND so I MUST be Lesbian.
I'm NOT CHRISTIAN so I MUST just need converting.
I love marching band, so I MUST be a friendless freak.
I DRINK and SMOKE, so I MUST have no life.
I am friends with a CUTTER, so I MUST be a CUTTER too.
I cry easily, so I MUST be a wimp.
I can't help pointing out mistakes so I MUST be an over-controlling perfectionist
I'm a PERFECTIONIST so I MUST check everything ten times, then burst into tears at one mistake
I DON’T LIKE to talk about my personal life so I MUST be having problems
I like FIRE so I must be an arsonist
MAXIMUM RIDE FAN QUESTIONS:
1. Do you think Iggy is hot?
We don't know what he looks like.
2. Did you cry when Ari died?
3. Do you think Fang is hot?
We don't know what he looks like.
4. How do you pronounce Ari's name?
5. Do you laugh every time you read the name Mr. Chu?
Not every time, no.
6. -SPOILER ALERT- In MAX, did you laugh hysterically when Total started talking about marriage?
Not hysterically, but I did giggle.
7. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you squeal at all the faxness in MAX?
No. I'm not really into that.
8. Did you angrily throw your book across the room when the flock split up?
9. Who is your favorite character?
10. Do you like Jeb?
11. -SPOILER ALERT- Were you making a genuine "WTF" face when Max and Fang grew gills?
12. Did you think MAX was better than TFW?
No. I liked The Final Warning.
13. -SPOILER ALERT- Did you get slightly fed up with Nudge and Angel's slight attitudes in MAX?
No, I thought it was cute.
14. Out of all the books, which is your all time favorite?
I don't know.
15. If the flock had a theme song, what would it be?
Hm. Probably something angsty and with a huge "speshul snowflake" element.
16. Have you ever imagined the flock as a band playing whatever song comes up when listening to your iPod?
17. Who do you think the voice should be?
I used to think it was Jeb.
18. Do you think one or more members of the flock should learn to play an instrument?
19. What bugged you the most about TFW?
I dunno. It was a decent book, just... rushed.
20. MIGGY or FAX?
1. FIRST NAME: Rowan.
2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? A brain surgeon in a book. An Anne Rice novel.
3. SIBLING NAMES: Rachelle, Aarika and Aaron.
4. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? When the guy I like told me he had been into me, but had lost interest.
5. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDS? My hands are cute and small.
6. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Muthafucken' turkey.
7. KIDS? I like the idea of having kids.
8. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? I dunno.
9. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? No.
10. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? Not really. Sarcasm makes people look like assholes.
11. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? Yeah.
12. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Yes.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
14. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU REMOVE THEM? Sometimes. Not really, though.
15. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Eh, kind of.
16. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Cookie Dough.
17. SHOE SIZE: 6.
18. RED OR PINK? Pink.
19. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOU? Nose.
20. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? I miss my old co-workers who are now in uni/college :'(
21. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO PUT THIS IN THERE PROFILE? Nah.
22. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Grey sweats 4 liiiife
23. LAST THING YOU ATE? KFC bitchessss
24. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? Busted Heart - Bishop Allen
25. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? I'd like to be gold, tbh. I always wear gold eye shadow, so.
26. FAVORITE SMELL? Vanilla or cinnamon.
27. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? My main hoe, Anna.
28. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE THAT ARE ATTRACTIVE TO YOU? ASSSSSSS
29. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? thatswhatmakesyouhaha.mp3
30. FAVORITE DRINK? Milk. Alcohol, I'm a fan of any Canadian brew.
31. FAVORITE SPORT? Soccer and hockey.
32. EYE COLOR? Blue.
33. HAT SIZE? I need x-smalls but I'm always stuck with smalls.
34. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Nope.
35. FAVORITE FOOD? CHEESE GARLIC TOAST
36. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDING? Happy.
37. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AT THE MOVIE THEATRE? I think it was Mockingjay Part 1.
38. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ARTICLE OF CLOTHING? I have a really sick men's flannel I got at Value Village. Alternatively, I have a sick pair of shit stomping heels.
39. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter.
40. HUGS OR KISSES? Tight hugs.
41. FAVORITE DESSERT? Cake.
1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
Couch, watchin' the Sens-Leafs game. KARLSSON WITH THE 2 GOAL NIGHT #KINGKARL
2. Who are you in love with?
A girl in my school. Lindsay.
3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
6. Are you wearing socks right now?
7. Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
Yaaaa son my Jeep was $8,000
8. When was the last time you drove out of town?
I drive out to my best bud's place in the town over once a week.
9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
10. Are you hot?
I like to think I am
11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
12. What are you wearing right now?
Sweats, high school hoodie, socks
13. Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
14. Last food that you ate?
15. Where were you last week at this time?
Right in my bed, like now.
16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
17. When is the last time you read?
18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
SENS-LEAFS A FEW HOURS AGO AYYY
19. What is your favorite animal?
20. Your dream vacation?
Going to Northern Europe.
21. Last person's house you were in?
Anna's, I think.
22. Worst injury you've ever had?
Cracked my chin open once.
23. Have you even been in love?
24. Do you miss anyone right now?
25. Last play you saw?
Oh, God, I can't remember.
26. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Drawing attention to the best parts of my body, my eyes and my hip-waist ratio.
27. What are your plans for tonight?
28. Who is the last person you sent a MySpace message or comment?
I don't have a MySpace.
29. Next trip you are going to take?
30. Ever go to camp?
31. Were you an honor roll student in school.
Not last year, but hopefully this year.
32. What do you want to know about the future?
DO I MARRY AN NHLER????????????????? PLS
33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
34. Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
35. Where is your best friend?
I dunno, asleep probs.
36. How is your best friend?
37. Do you have a tan?
38. What are you listening to right now?
Busted Heart - Bishop Allen
39. Do you collect anything?
Empty alcohol bottles.
40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
Never been pulled over while I was the driver. Been in the back seat, tho.
42. Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
43. What does your last text message say?
From me: "Thank you sunshine :) love yoooou"
To me: "Just introspection and I realized I didn't appreciate some ppl enough"
44. Do you like hot sauce?
45. Last time you took a shower?
46. Do you need to do laundry?
Yeah, I probably should, soon.
47. What is your heritage?
I'm Canadian, of Dutch and English decent.
48. Are you someone's best friend?
I hope so.
49. Are you rich?
50. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
Readin fanfics about gay ass hockey players tbh